The Archers Thursday 20th September 2012
- Back home, to a nice cup of tea
- Kenton’s lost his wanderlust
- Who is cooler … David or Kenton?
- “Kiwis can’t fly”
- Helen gives Ifty an ‘in’
- Tug Fowler was a marmite issue
- Some of Tug’s material
Back home, to a nice cup of tea
Was there ever a British person who, on walking back into their home from holiday, didn’t put the kettle on for a ‘proper’ cuppa?
Well, that’s exactly what Kenton and Jolene did on getting home to The Bull.
Kenton’s lost his wanderlust
Though he enjoyed New Zealand, with a detour to Thailand, Kenton’s most definitely glad to be back in Ambridge,
He reckons himself that he must be getting old to want to stay put in one place.
Though I reckon that’s more to do with having found the right woman …
Who is cooler … David or Kenton?
(actually, I don’t think it’s even cool to say cool anymore. Ho hum).
Kenton’s surprised to see David turning up for the Tug Fowler comedy gig.
[David] “What, are you saying that I haven’t got a sense of humour?”
[Kenton] “I just thought you might be too long in the tooth for this edgy new stuff.”
[Kirsty] “Kenton! You’re older than David aren’t you?”
[Kenton] “Yeah, but I’ve always been down with the kids.”
[Kirsty] “Not if you’ve been saying that to them …”
“Kiwis can’t fly”
Says Kenton.
“So why are so many of them running bars in London?”
Says David.
Boom boom!
Helen gives Ifty an ‘in’
Seems Helen was supposed to be sitting with Kirsty, but she decided to sit with someone else to talk potty training.
(we can only take Kirsty’s word for that. Helen hasn’t uttered a word in a fair while now)
Some bloke asked Kirsty if he could sit next to her, and started talking about the comedy night was illustrating how great villages were – that generations mix and the like.
It was only when he started talking about Jim that I twigged it was Ifty.
[Ifty] “I’ve heard he has a reputation for acerbic wit.”
[Kirsty] “You mean sarky.”
Sounds like Ifty is quite taken with Kirsty. He even asked her out by the end of the night.
Tug Fowler was a marmite issue
We didn’t get to hear any of Tug’s routine, but we did get to hear the response from the crowd at the end of it.
A smattering of clapping.
Disgruntled mutterings.
Someone shouting “Rubbish”.
Kenton shouting: “brilliant, brilliant, more! Encore!”
Oh dear.
Looks like Tug wasn’t to everyone’s taste.
[Jolene] “Some of his material weren’t what quite what they were expecting.”
[Rhys] “At least they didn’t throw vegetables at him. That’s always the risk when you play a country crowd. And with it being Flower and Produce.”
[Fallon] “I can’t believe that I managed to alienate so many of mum’s regulars.”
Jolene had to try and personally apologise to Bob Pullen.
[Jolene] “He’s just gone off in a huff.”
[Kirsty] “Very slowly …”
Seems it took Mr Pullen an age to stand up and get to the toilets during Tug’s session, which Tug took the Michael out of him for.
Overall, it seems Tug’s humour was ‘too adult’ for most of the Ambridge residents.
[Kirsty] “Although if Mr Pullen isn’t an adult, I don’t know who is!”
Ah – fair point indeed.
But I’m really surprised Fallon got it so wrong.
She must have been drunk when she saw Tug at the Fringe, and forgot he was the blue side of the moon. Fallon certainly knows her regulars better than that.
Some of Tug’s material
As told by the residents of Ambridge, so maybe the humour was lost in translation.
10 things you can do with an oddly shaped carrot
“How many farmers does it take to change a light bulb?
Do you think farmers can afford a light bulb!”
“What do you call 3 ducks, a bench and a war memorial … Ambridge”
Huh … seems fairly tame to me.
The Archers Tuesday 4th September 2012
- The first crop of carrots
- Chilled or frozen?
- Brenda and Tom mention they’re engaged!
- Jamie can’t go to Tug Fowler
- Brenda proves her worth
- Elizabeth, self-chastising
- Jamie’s “not bothered”
The first crop of carrots
Brenda is (rather unwillingly) helping Tom to lift this year’s first carrots from Bridge Farm.
Seems Jamie won’t be happy to hear that. For some odd reason, Kathy’s there watching them lift the carrots, and says that:
[Kathy] “He isn’t keen on any vegetables unless their swamped in a sauce.”
So she’s going to make goulash, which Jamie adores, and hide carrots so Jamie will eat them.
Which he doesn’t. he just picks them out.
Kathy really does need to get out more.
Chilled or frozen?
Tom and Brenda are back on the chat about ready meals.
They’re arguing over whether to do the ready meals chilled or frozen.
Kathy concurs with Tom that chilled sounds better (in a more healthy, fresh way, I’ll assume), but ever-the-practical Brenda thinks frozen is more practical (for them or the customer, I don’t know).
They’re wasting their time asking Kathy for her opinion. She buys chilled, then freezes them. And:
[Kathy] “I prefer, not taking sides, then you can’t get blamed for anything.”
Go on Kathy.
Live a little!
Brenda and Tom mention they’re engaged!
Blimey!
Feels like years since they acknowledge they’d betrothed.
But, it was hardly in a romantic way.
Brenda had taken her engagement ring off while they were working with the carrots, then couldn’t find it.
She was starting to get hysterical when Tom found it.
[Tom] “No need to go all Gollum on me!”
(ha! That was quite witty of Tom)
Anyhoo – it wasn’t anything important to listen in to, so I wonder if it’s a hint that they might actually be getting married sometime soon …
Jamie can’t go to Tug Fowler
Though he’s been watching Tug Fowler on his computer (must be YouTube and the like), he can’t go and see him at The Bull.
Over 18s only.
[Jamie] “But it’s totally unfair!”
Aye, life’s like that, young My Perks.
Brenda proves her worth
My word.
Brenda is not only showing her human side, she’s actually proving to be quite a decent human at that.
She and Tom are talking about Vicky and Mike’s baby.
[Tom] “I just feel sorry for them. Having a child at their age is hard enough, but when it’s got Down’s … it’s so sad.”
But Brenda isn’t so sure it’s “sad”. Though Mike wasn’t the greatest dad for her and Roy:
[Brenda] “He’s changed so much Tom, he’s much more open than he used to be, since mum died … the more you ask of him, the more he gives.”
[Tom] “The baby will need to much extra help. Do you think they’ll cope?”
[Brenda] “I don’t know. I think maybe they’ll do more than cope … I think it will really work out for them … up to now Vicky and dad have never had anything that’s their own … this could pull them together, make them a better team.”
Elizabeth, self-chastising
Elizabeth calls round to see Shula.
[Shula] “If you’re expecting an apology for what I said …”
Not at all.
Elizabeth tells Shula that she was angry at Shula for asking Freddie to take Topper’s tackle off (it’s “what started” Freddie getting hurt). She was also angry at the bloke on the motorbike who startled Topper into throwing Freddie. And, she’s angry at Nigel.
[Elizabeth] “Yes, I get angry with him, all the time. How am I supposed to bring up Freddie and Lily alone, I’m hopeless at it.”
Seems Elizabeth stood in front of a mirror last night.
[Elizabeth] “I just stood there and called myself every name under the sun … I nearly let Freddie get killed, and then I blame everyone else.”
[Shula] “Now you’re being too hard on yourself.”
(well, I totally disagree with Shula there. Elizabeth needs to have that hard look at herself and acknowledge when she’s wrong).
Elizabeth plays the Nigel card.
[Elizabeth] “Shula, he has a look sometimes, he asks me something and I just melt. He really is Nigel’s son … don’t you make excuses for me, I know what I should have done … I’m stupid, I get it all wrong … forgive me?”
[Shula] “You don’t even have to ask. Yes. Of course I do. You’re my sister.”
Damn!
I only just said yesterday that it was about time someone told Elizabeth not to use the Nigel excuse anymore. Shula did. And has now retracted it.
10 steps back yet again …
Jamie’s “not bothered”
Jamie wouldn’t say much to Kathy about his first day at College.
After much prying, he admits it’s because he’d seen Natalie.
[Jamie] “If Natalie wants to hang out with some loser from the basketball team, then go ahead.”
So Natalie has a new boyfriend, and Jamie reckons he’s “not bothered” if he ever speaks to her again.
Should we be bothered about such common teenage angst?
The Archers Monday 3rd September 2012
- [Joe] “Curries don’t come natural to you, Clarrie”
- It’s Grundy Turkey time!
- The men get baking bread
- Comedians aren’t what they used to be
- Grundys don’t cry
- Lily’s not amused with Freddie
- Roy tries to get Mike to talk
[Joe] “Curries don’t come natural to you, Clarrie”
Seems Clarrie feels she was out of her comfort zone making curries out of the wild boar meat. Joe reckons everyone who ate it was out of their comfort zone as well …
So the Grundys are still trying to eat their way through that boar. Seems it’s not going well.
[Joe] “Even Edward and Emma won’t touch no more. You’d think free food'd be a godsend on their money.”
Some sort of Christmas scam ahoy?
It’s Grundy Turkey time!
Must mean Christmas is on the way … *groan*.
Though Joe may make a few pennies from the turkeys, he doesn’t seem to respect their intellectual abilities.
[Joe] “Surprises me Turkey's ever found their way onto the ark.”
The men get baking bread
Seems Bert and Derek are going to have a go for the Flower and Produce Show, though everyone thinks Bert’s will be made by Freda.
That’s cheeky.
I’m sure Bert will play fair and square. As always .
Comedians aren’t what they used to be
Joe’s not impressed with Tug Fowler’s forthcoming appearance at The Bull.
[Joe] “He won’t be no good. Not like the comics we used to get in Borchester before telly spoiled everything.”
Blimey.
Joe’s a right barrel of laughs today.
Grundys don’t cry
So reckons Eddie.
He’s meant to be looking after George while he and Eddie have a natter.
George falls down. But gets up again.
[Eddie] “Not a whimper out of him. A proper little Grundy.”
Lily’s not amused with Freddie
Since Freddie broke his collar bone falling off of Topper, he’s been driving Lily to distraction.
[Lily] “Freddie thinks he’s a pharaoh giving everyone orders”
[Freddie] “I’d tell them to bury you alive.”
[Lily] “White and dark chocolate, just for a normal tea!”
In Lily’s humble opinion, Freddie’s only hurt because Freddie is an “idiot”.
[Lily] “ … he’ll come creeping to me to do his maths homework. And science … I’m just sick of everyone pretending he’s a hero. He nearly did something horrible to us … we’ve had too many accidents already. I can’t stand anymore … Freddie should grow up, he shouldn’t have been on Topper.”
Elizabeth tells Lily that it was her (Elizabeth’s) fault. Which is more than she said to Shula.
[Elizabeth] “That’s life. Sometimes accidents just happen.”
Really?
Not Freddie’s fault for riding Topper? Or, more importantly, Elizabeth’s for letting him?
Funny Elizabeth doesn’t seem to have heard anything Shula said to her.
Roy tries to get Mike to talk
Roy corners Mike in the dairy. He’s seen the signs before – Mike not talking to anyone, doing anything other than work. He thinks Mike is heading for another depression.
[Mike] “I am depressed. But it ain't the wheels coming off. I’ve got every reason.”
Mike tells Roy about his and Vicky’s baby being diagnosed with Down’s Syndrome.
[Mike] “They say it’s probably a woman’s age, but what if … what if it’s me Roy. I’m a good bit older … I’ve seen it in a herd. There’s a right time for it. Then it’s too late …”
Mike tells Roy he wants to talk to Vicky, but Vicky won’t be open to discussing anything other than them having them having the baby. Mike needs to talk through the options.
So – Mike needs to talk, Vicky needs to talk but neither of them can do so until the other accepts what the other needs.
tricky.
Mike also asks Roy to tell Brenda.
Here’s hoping the family can help bring Mike and Vicky back together.
The Archers Wednesday 29th August 2012
- Harry’s back
- Fallon’s booked Tug Fowler
- Tray of chips for Harry
- Jamie’s going on a cutting course
- No-one will live with Jazzer
- Rhys and Fallon are not happy with each other
- It’s bad news for Vicky and Mike
Harry’s back
His first visit was to Mike to apologise for leaving his job so abruptly.
[Harry] “You’ve got every right to be hacked off with me too … I really want to apologise face to face, jacking in my job like that, it’s not the careful Harry that everyone know. I surprised myself to be honest, when it comes to someone you really love, well, you’ll do anything for them … I’m sorry and I wanted to thank you for giving me the job in the first place.”
Mike accepts his apology, but is actually quite distracted. Vicky’s test is due back any day now.
Fallon’s booked Tug Fowler
He’ll be appearing at The Bull in 3 weeks’ time.
Rhys doesn’t sound enthusiastic.
He reckons Jolene won’t be happy either …
Tray of chips for Harry
Rhys reckons.
Fallon would like slightly more elegant catering for Harry’s farewell party lock-in at The Bull.
(which Fallon won’t let Jamie stay for as she reckons he’s still too young. Spoil sport!)
Well, chops or not, Harry enjoyed his leaving do. And they didn’t get raided by the Police for having a lock-in.
Harry’s final word went to Rhys:
[Rhys] “I’ve just been talking about bread, so I thought I might as well make a toast …To my one time Anglo/Welsh rival … we thought he was a cyclist, but turns out to be quite the dark horse … he’s a smart cookie but he’s proved that when the heart speaks, the brain shuts up.”
Farewell Mr Harry Mason.
I doubt Ambridge’s milk will ever again be delivered by such a handsome and enthusiastic bloke.
Jamie’s going on a cutting course
Organised by Mike.
Can we foresee Jamie leaving College (again) to have a life worked in the woods?
No-one will live with Jazzer
Jazzer is not amused with Harry having left him to live alone.
[Jazzer] “You’re lucky I didnae just chuck your stuff threw the windae!”
Though Jazzer reckons he makes for great company, and encourages a “laid back lifestyle” in those lucky to share a home with him, he can’t find someone to replace Harry.
And he needs to. He can’t afford the rent by himself. So, not flatmate, no flat:
[Jazzer] “I’ll be back with my ma!”
But not all is lost. Harry leaves Jazzer his kettle, and:
[Jazzer] “A food processor, jings, I cannae believe my luck!”
(by-the-by, no Scot has said ‘jings’ since The Broons)
Jazzer then immediately tries to sell the food processor (and the bread maker, Harry also graciously gave him)
[Rhys] “Ah you haven't been looting again Jazzer have you?”
Ha!
Rhys and Fallon are not happy with each other
[Rhys] “I dunno what’s got into Fallon. She used to be laid back. Someone you could have a laugh with … it must be the power going to her head … like something she’s got to prove … over-compensating for something.”
(Jazzer couldn’t say why Fallon’s had such a mood change … all credit to him for still being a gent and not telling about the night he spent with Fallon under the (campervan) stars)
[Rhys] “All I know is she stopped listening to common sense.”
[Harry] “To you, you mean.”
[Rhys] “She’s driving me mad!”
When Rhys steps away, enter Fallon:
[Fallon] “I don’t know what’s got into Rhys, he used to have a bit of get up and go, a bit of a spark. … deep down he’s a stick in the mud … I tell you Harry, he’s driving me mad!”
Love is in the air, I reckon.
It’s bad news for Vicky and Mike
Vicky takes a phone call. She ends the call crying.
[Vicky] “I’m so sorry Mike.”
[Mike] “No, it’s um, we’ll find some way through it.”
[Vicky] “Will we?”
[Mike] “Yeah, yeah of course we will.”
No-one said it, but we can only assume Vicky’s test showed the baby has Down’s Syndrome.
The Archers Monday 27th August 2012
- Matt should check the phone messages
- Rhys and Harry wouldn’t be a good couple
- Tug Fowler
- Darrell dobs in Matt
Matt should check the phone messages
Especially when he’s up to something Lilian has already told him not to do.
Lilian checks the business phone after the weekend. It had 9 messages.
(I thought their business was setup in their house? If so, how could they not have heard that racket?)
All the messages are from Arthur.
They had a damp patch. Which became a leak. Which has now got into their cupboard. Even with the mains turned off, it’s still leaking.
Lilian calls Arthur back.
[Lilian] “How are things?”
[Arthur] “We have a leak, how do you expect things to be?”
Lilian asks if she can call Arthur by his first name rather than Mr Walter.
[Arthur] “You can call me Shirley, as long as you get it fixed.”
[Lilian] “Well don’t you worry, Sh … ahem … Arthur.”
(tee hee!)
So Lilian calls Darrell to go fix.
Rhys and Harry wouldn’t be a good couple
Harry’s due back on Wednesday to say goodbye, and collect his things. So Fallon is planning him a farewell party.
[Rhys] “You see, that’s why he and I could never be an item, apart from one or two other factors …”
[Fallon] “Like, you not being gay, you mean?”
[Rhys] “Thing is, he’s a lark and I’m a night owl. Being a bar man suits my body clock.”
Fair enough.
Tug Fowler
Is who Fallon wants to pay a small fortune to come and do a comedy set at The Bull.
Seems he’s an up and coming comedian Fallon and Kirsty saw at The Fringe. Fallon thinks he’d be perfect for The Bull.
Rhys reckons not so. After all, Fallon and Kirsty saw this comedian at midnight, after a few drinks.
[Rhys] “Later night on the Edinburgh Fringe, it’s a bit different from The Bull in Ambridge.”
[Fallon] “You know your trouble Rhys, you’re just happy just coasting along, I wanna push things forward”
[Rhys] “Yeah fair enough, push things forward, but you don’t want them falling over a cliff.”
Blimey, Fallon really is in a bad mood.
But Rhys isn’t helping.
What would he have to lose if Fallon gave something new a go?
Darrell dobs in Matt
When Darrell gets to Arthur and Joyce’s, it’s chaos.
The cupboard is flooded, so they’ve tried to save their things out of it, and dry them on the radiators. That includes photos. Letters from Arthur to Joyce when he was in the navy. And the stamp album Arthur was showing to Darrell the other day.
[Arthur] “Even out the heating on, in August, I ask you …”
But, the radiators are not warming up. Which gave Darrell a clue (not that he needed it. He’d set it up in the first place …)
The central heating pipe had split under one of the floorboards upstairs. Darrell fixes it within minutes.
[Arthur] “On a bank holiday too, I hope you get double bubble for that!”
Darrell can’t say sorry enough about all of their ruined things. And so he should. They Arthur and Joyce don’t know it, Darrell made this happen. On Matt’s say so.
As Darrell is leaving, Lilian calls.
[Lilian] “So, how did that happen then, you’re not going to tell me it was metal fatigue!”
Darrell reckons it was because the floorboard was loose, so was stressing the join as folks walked over it.
Lilian still isn’t convinced. She knows there’s something odd … especially considering she knows Matt wanted Arthur and Joyce out of that house.
[Darrell] “Well, it was, you know, all part of the job … that Matt had me doing there.”
[Lilian] “Oh, was it!”
Uh-oh!
Matt’s in trouble …
