The Archers: The Odd Couple … Jamie’s avoiding Kenton … the Peregrine plot thickens … Peggy has yet another computer lesson
- “You binned my chips!”
- “Just a little white lie to keep things simple”
- Vampire night at The Bull
- It was only Fallon
- The Peregrines led to Clash of the Titans
- Peggy’s determined to find her GI
“You binned my chips!”
Well, we never really expected Harry and Jazzer to share a flat without Jazzer being a bit disgusting, and Harry fruitlessly trying to encourage him to better ways.
Harry has got another day of being a thoroughly nice, helpful chap.
Whereas Jazzer is looking for his chips from last night. He was going to have them for his lunch chip butty.
Harry shouldn’t have just dumped the chips. And his offer of
“Apple … muesli … dried apricots”
Was hardly acceptable for our Jazzer.
“I’m no a gerbil – I need some real grub!”
Then shock and horror! Harry’s racing bike mug is missing.
As are numerous other mugs.
Two blokes. One small flat. One a slob, the other a bit of a maiden aunt when it comes to cleanliness.
Better get more mugs.
“Just a little white lie to keep things simple”
Kenton’s feeling hard done by.
Jamie won’t return his calls or texts, and it’s all the fault of that Holly.
“I can’t believe she’d do that! Prances over … starts snogging me like there’s no tomorrow. Holly’s a lovely girl in many ways, and in other circumstances …”
Despite Kirsty being right that Kenton is allowed to see other people, it’s not Kenton just seeing other people that Jamie has a problem with.
Kenton lied to Jamie when he said that Holly was just a friend.
Kenton lied to Holly that he and Kathy was well and truly over.
And now Kenton’s lying to himself in trying to lay the blame at any door other than his own.
As he himself later admitted:
“To be fair, Holly didn’t know the whole story”
And stop the press!
“It’s all my fault”
“I should’ve had more sense … more willpower … I should’ve thought about what it would do to Jamie”
“I had a real chance to help him – now I’ve just blown it”
Yet again, Kenton.
You’re blown it yet again.
Vampire night at The Bull
Harry to Fallon:
“You’d look great as Kristen Stewart”
Didn’t Fallon sound delighted to get such a compliment from Harry!
The lady does indeed like. She likes very much!
Seemingly Kathy’s also doing a vampire menu. Which you can bring your own teeth to (tee-hee!).
It was only Fallon
Jazzer had asked Harry if it was alright for him to have a friend back.
But it turned out to only be Fallon.
Obviously keen to keep Fallon to himself, Jazzer tries to keep her in his teeny wee box bedroom.
[Jazzer] “Just about room for two if we hold our breaths”
[Fallon] “What’s that smell – is it pigs?”
Jazzer’s tiny room is now seemingly set off with dirty clothes, dirty plates (and mugs!) and general muck and mire.
The muck extends to a few choice pictures of scantily clad women:
“Harry prefers blokes in lyrca but me, I’m more conventional”
Both Harry and Jazzer seem to think that they’ll be fine living together. It’ll just be a case of getting used to each other’s routines.
Hmmmm.
The Peregrines have led to the Clash of the Titans
Peggy is against the Peregrines:
“I don’t want to see half eaten songbirds”
But, Harry:
“I suppose falcon wise, I’m a bit of a fence sitter”
Which Peggy thinks is probably a safe place to be, considering Brian and Lynda will be speaking on opposing sides at a meeting to discuss the whole issue.
Peggy’s determined to find her GI
At yet another computer learning session with Harry, Peggy us yet again on about trying to find her long lost GI.
“We danced the jitterbug and won a prize … I was very young and naive”
Oo-er! Just how naive were you Peggy?
I’m in two minds about all this GI business.
It’ll be lovely for Peggy to meet up with an old friend.
But won’t he be disappointed yet again if he wants more, only to find she’s again married?
And what about Jack?
The Archers: Helen’s happy for Emma … Kathy has tea with Pat … Kenton spends more quality time with Jamie
- So excited!
- “I was lucky with George, I suppose”
- “I’m finally single again”
- It’s Helen. There has to be a catch …
- Bollywood Night at Jaxx
- “My sexy Bollywood star”
So excited!
Despite Helen having to mark down the Raspberries down (to three for a pound. Bargain!), Helen’s delighted to be able to congratulate Emma face-to-face when she pops into Ambridge Organics.
Pat was also full of the joys for Emma, but Helen was a tad terrifying with her enthusiasm.
Thrilled that she’s only two months ahead of Emma, Helen seemed particularly delighted that:
“I won’t be the only pregnant girl in the village”
(though Emma said there must be more – who? who?? who???)
Helen was just as thrilled at the idea of her and Emma chumming each other to ante natal.
Whereas Emma seemed quite bewildered by Helen’s excitement.
Worse still for Emma was Helen’s rather detailed advice about how to morning sickness.
“Have you tried slow burn wholegrain food?”
Helen does seem to think she’s the perfect example of pregnancy, and that Emma could benefit from her months of research.
She does mean well, but doesn’t she go on!
And Helen should also probably realise that Emma’s not quite the wholefood type.
After all, just look at the whole artichoke saga ….
“I was lucky with George, I suppose”
If you say so Emma.
I know you were talking about being how easy it was to be pregnant with George, but I really don’t think there was any ‘luck’ that can be associated to George’s conception, birth, paternity test …
“I’m finally single again”
Now that Kenton’s making an effort with Jamie, Kathy is freed up to get on with her own life.
(Though it has to be said that she still didn’t sound very impressed with Kenton’s efforts. Too little too late?)
So, what wild and exciting things does Kathy immediately get up to?
Round to Pat and Tony’s for tea.
Steady on!
Kathy’s decided to take charge of her life and:
“make my own agenda”
Great and good. As long as it means less shouting and grumping, I’ll be happy. And maybe (just maybe) we’ll see a whole, new happy Kathy?!?
Just one odd thing – Kathy said:
“I’m finally single again”
Does that mean she wanted to split up with Kenton for a while? That she was hankering after a sassy single lady lifestyle?
Or, was Kathy just realising that she and Kenton should have split up many many months before they actually did.
It’s Helen. There has to be a catch …
Continuing her “fascinating” lecture on the right food and fitness routine for pregnant women, Helen didn’t seem to think that neither Pat nor Kathy would have anything useful or sensible to say on the topic.
It’s almost as if Helen’s the first woman to ever be pregnant.
Poo-pooing Kathy’s mention of “having to eat for two”, Helen announced:
“In the last 6 months … women only need 300 calories a day”
And she’s back!
Happy Helen has once again turned into Controlling/smug/know-it-all/rather rude Helen.
But Pat’s more worried about Helen’s entire attitude to food, than her mate being insulted by her daughter.
[Pat]“You do see what I mean about Helen?”
[Kathy] “She does seem quite picky about what she’s eating …”
[Pat] “You saw her sad little helping tonight … it’s not enough to feed a sparrow … worried she’s just using it as an excuse”
Oh dear.
As Kathy said, would Helen really put the baby at risk?
Or, is Pat just panicking about Helen because of her unhappy history with food?
“It’s her obsessive attitude I find worrying … she’s counting every calorie … surely can’t be a good sign where Helen’s concerned?”
While Pat might have a point that medical professionals are more worried about obesity, Kathy’s right that surely Helen’s midwife will be able to spot anything amiss (especially with Helen’s medical history to hand)? Especially if her midwife turns out to be Amy …
Either way, it was good to actually hear Pat being able to offload for once.
And Tony was quite right to steer well clear, with his umpiring rule book. It’ll soon come to a time where no excuse will be accepted …
Bollywood Night at Jaxx
Kenton’s entertaining Jamie at Jaxx, and does seem to be getting somewhere in encouraging Jamie to say more than ‘whatever’.
Although I do question Kenton’s tactic of using Kathy’s attitudes as a means to get Jamie to behave (if you do x, y will stop nagging you), anything that can help Jamie back to being a nice lad is welcome.
But, as with almost everything Kenton does, his attempts are doomed to failure …
“My sexy Bollywood star”
… so this time, Kenton’s failure comes in the form of Holly.
With Kenton’s rather detailed descriptions to Nigel the morning after forever etched in our darkest nightmares, we’ll never forget Kenton’s night of passion with Holly.
But, it seems Kenton had. It’s a shame for him that Holly hadn’t!
The fact that Kenton hasn’t called her since that night hasn’t quenched Holly’s passion for him. She even gave him a massive snog (right in the middle of Jaxx), rather than slapping him.
“It was a pretty memorable occasion!”
Does Holly have no shame?
Can she not take a hint? (that Kenton can’t be that interested if he hadn’t tried to contact her)
Bunny boiler material, methinks.
Anyway, Jamie is not at all impressed with Holly’s display of affection to Kenton, even though Kenton did try and explain to her that now wasn’t a good time for a reunion.
Jamie flees from Jaxx. Kenton catches up with him to explain:
[Kenton] “She’s just a friend … I haven’t; seen her for four weeks”
[Jamie] “You’re pathetic … why should I believe a word you say!?!”
Oops.
Jamie has met Holly before, at which point Kenton had also claimed she was just a friend.
Quite simply, friends don’t snog. And Jamie knows that.
Ah well. The lack of shouting was nice while it lasted.
The Archers: The return of Kate … Brian can’t sleep … Kenton staggers back to Lower Loxley
- Brian can’t sleep for thinking of Matt
- Nigel slept very well indeed
- Jill’s fretting and Freddie sounds a tad lacking in the brain department
- “Don’t expect me to be any nicer to you later!”
- “Here she is!”
- Nigel has to sneak comfort to Kenton
- “It’s always a jolly day, isn’t it!”
- So was it cheating?
Brian can’t sleep for thinking of Matt
And even Phoebe is losing out because of it, as Brian was merrily chomping away at ‘her’ cereal when he decided he’d had enough of lying awake.
“I can’t stop thinking about Matt and this damn land”
“Matt just wants to prove how much smarter he is”
Well, Matt has been smarter this time round. But I’m sure Brian will find a way to scupper him. Then Matt will do something else to block Brian and BL. Then Brian will get his own back … and on.
Not that it’s ever dull when Matt and Brian lock horns. Just slightly inevitable.
Nigel slept very well indeed
But he seemingly snores enough to drown out any sign of Kenton returning.
Which Elizabeth was listening out for, but never did hear as (unbeknownst to her) he was off at his lady friend’s).
Jill’s fretting and Freddie sounds a tad lacking in the brain department
Now that Lily and Freddie don’t have to go away to boarding school , Jill’s found something new to worry about.
Jill thinks that the entrance exams are putting the twins under “too much pressure”.
And Elizabeth also has concerns over Freddie.
Whereas Lily is expected to have no trouble with the exams, seemingly the academic side of life isn’t Freddie’s strong point.
Chin up old chap! The Pargetter’s didn’t build their empire on brains, you know!
“Don’t expect me to be any nicer to you later!”
As Kenton drags himself through the front door, Elizabeth is shocked and appalled by the state he’s in.
[E] “Oh you reek! You haven’t just got back, have you?!?”
[K] “It was a bit of a heavy night – I just need some caffeine …is there any bacon?”
Kenton doesn’t seem to be able to focus on anything other than trying to make himself even feel a tiny bit human after his binger and ‘session’, but he’s making the classic mistake of not realising that Elizabeth is livid (and maybe he should have thought about coffee last night!)
And a livid Elizabeth won’t make you coffee and bacon.
“Bacon! What do you think you’re playing at Kenton!?! Is this how you think you can behave? Wasn’t getting locked up enough for you?”
Poor Nigel (who had just been released from having to do penance for his part to play in Kenton getting arrested) is yet again stuck in between.
He’s far too nice about it though. While I think that Elizabeth is reacting far too harshly (after all, Kenton is an adult and he’s hardly caused that much bother for her and Nigel), I also think that hangovers do not come under the heading “not well”.
We’ve all had them. They’re our own fault. And don’t really deserve that much sympathy.
But Kenton just don’t know when to stop, admit defeat in the face of Elizabeth’s fury, and slope off to a nice dark room:
[K] “I understand if you’re angry, but can you just do it in a slightly quieter voice …”
[E] “I can speak how I like in my own home!”
Finally admitting defeat, Kenton’s sent to his room. At the age of 52. By his younger sister (aged 43).
“Here she is!”
And so it begins.
The quiet before the storm just sees Kate arriving home, to the joy and delight of Jennifer and Brian (even though Kate already stressed Jennifer out a wee bit by unpacking some of her things downstairs).
Eager to see the new Mrs Carter, Kate also manages to blame Brian and Jennifer for both her and Alice’s slightly random behaviour
“must be something in the genes”
But wrapped in the glow of their newly returned daughter, neither Brian nor Jennifer take the bait.
And Kate’s delighted to hear that Phoebe will be staying for a week.
Especially as she’s got her a vuvuzela (which Brian eventually got to work).
I wonder how long it’ll take for the vuvuzela to be made to disappear …
… and I’m sure Roy will also be delighted with his. Especially as it’ll surely make up for all the chaos that Kate’s going to being back to his life (!!!).
Nigel has to sneak comfort to Kenton
While Elizabeth is taking the kids to school, Nigel manages to smuggle some coffee and paracetamol to Kenton.
Who’s grateful, and busting to tell Nigel about his exploits:
(if you have a weak stomach, I suggest you probably don’t want to continue reading … )
[K] “I stayed over with someone … it was one of my customers …a female one. Don’t look so surprised!”
[K] “ …Holly – runs a dept at Underwoods – blond hair, big eyes and ... phew, she knows some tricks in the bedroom!”
[K] “I know … I should be feeling guilty about Kathy, but this might just be what I needed … who knows where me and Kathy stand”
[K] “This was just your pure … raw animal …”
(thankfully interrupted by Nigel with “yes, alright- I get the picture”)
[K]” With Kathy it’s never exactly swinging from the lampshades, but with Holly … to have a woman like her want someone like me the way she wanted me last night – doesn’t half polish off the ego!”
Oh my. It really doesn’t bear thinking about, let alone hearing about!
Kenton feels “alive” for the first time in ages.
Nigel, ever wise and cautious (well, out of his gorilla suit):
“You’re an adult … so it’s not for me to say what you can and can’t do. Maybe you shouldn’t drink so much. It’s not good for you, beside just isn’t sensible if you’re so out of control”
Which is a fair enough point, but Kenton confirmed that he had been “careful” (which brought an image which I didn’t want to see, and suspect will have to cope with for a long time to follow!)
And surely it isn’t Kenton’s drinking that’s causing the problem. Isn’t this all more about Kenton’s mid-life crisis? And the fact he doesn’t seem to want her partner (nor her him)?
And why on earth is it so wrong that an adult man wanders back ‘home’ after a night out drinking and … um … well, you know …?
“I’m sorry and duly chastised”
And so seemingly is Nigel, as Elizabeth’s also thrown him back into the sin bin for having done nothing wrong at all.
So now both men are going to have to kowtow and walk on (Faberge) eggshells, while Elizabeth gets to be righteous and pure in her anger.
Of course, all will be well if they manage to make her and Nigel’s’ anniversary surprise a really special one.
But then again, we are talking about Nigel and Kenton …
“It’s always a jolly day, isn’t it!”
Nigel, I would pick grapes with you anytime.
So was it cheating?
Isn’t Nigel just adorable when he’s been upset, or is unsure about something.
“[Kenton] told me something Lizzie. I don’t know what to think about it”
Nigel’s torn between being Kenton’s mate, being Elizabeth’s husband and also having given Kathy a “give him another chance” speech last week.
[N] “There’s no point being judgemental, is there?”
[E] “He cheated on Kathy!”
[N] “But has he, I mean, really?”
Of course, Elizabeth sees no shades of grey. As far as she’s concerned, Kenton and Kathy haven’t properly split up, so Kenton sleeping with another woman is utterly wrong.
While getting increasingly alarmed at Elizabeth’s reactionary and conservative (small c) attitudes, I can see her point.
Kenton hasn’t made a final break with Kathy, and he blatantly lied to Holly to ensure she didn’t think Kathy was still an issue.
But, Kathy has also made it clear that she doesn’t want Kenton back, so I think she has no right to stop him being with other women.
Rather than it being cheating, I think it’s just Kenton being an arse. Pure and simple. He knows the grown-up thing to have done would have been to be honest with Holly, and to realise that he needs to officially end things with Kathy before he gets involve with another woman.
After all, even if this was just a one night stand, there’s no way he can do anything without it somehow getting back to Kathy.
[E]“And what about Kathy? Can you imagine how she’d feel if she found out? How could he do that to her?”
Very easily, and without a second thought for Kathy, Jamie and the rest of Ambridge that will get caught in the impending crossfire.
The Archers: Kenton spends time with Jamie ...Kenton gets a pull (eh???) ... Pip's planning the barn dance
- Nachos and Shandy
- "I didn't recognise you in the daylight"
- David knows what a 'chilling zone' is
- Pip and her mean machine
- Times haven't changed when it comes to vodka from the local shop
- No! Not the sofa!
Computer Games, Nachos and Shandy
Say what I will about Kenton, he does know what a young lad wants from a day out.
And for five minutes Jamie wasn't shouting.
Good-oh!
"I didn't recognise you in the daylight"
Can you believe it was Kenton saying that to his new lady friend Holly than the other way round?
(Though, I suppose that depends on what you think Kenton looks like.)
He'd met Holly last night when she was celebrating her birthday in Jaxx (see my post from yesterday).
Amazingly enough, she actually liked the attention Kenton was lavishing on her!
Who'd have thunk it???
"it was great ... you really made it special ... I almost didn't mind getting a year older"
And then, Holly says she'll be in Jaxx later on to see Kenton. And mentioned "it's a date".
Even Kenton couldn't believe that one.
Do we actually believe Holly (or any other woman, for that matter) would fall so quickly for Kenton's over exuberant charms?
David knows what a 'chilling zone' is
What with Nic standing up for herself, Kenton getting a pull and now David knowing what a 'chilling zone', I'm all at sea with what I think I should think about Ambridge's residents.
But then again - isn't the correct term 'a chill out' zone?
(and I am very happy to be corrected on that one!).
Anyway, Pip's planning the Young Farmers' Barn Dance at Brookfield, and all seems to be well.
Ruth had to have one of her moments:
"have you proved to your dad that you can do it responsibly?"
(ach wheest woman!)
But David seems quite happy with the arrangements.
So nothing could go wrong, could it?
Pip and her mean machine
Well, to be fair it'll probably be a ten year old fiesta.
David seems quite keen for Pip to learn to drive (maybe so that he and Ruth can stop being her taxi service).
And bless his pride in his daughter:
"I don't expect you're going to need many anyway"
Ah bless. All's well that ends with Jude not being around ...
Times haven't changed when it comes to vodka from the local shop
Nope indeed they haven't.
The chances of being served alcohol in your local village shop are next to none if you're (a) underage and (b) a local.
I'm not sure where this Marty mate of Jamie comes from, but it seemed Jamie thought he stood a better chance of getting Sabrina to serve them:
"give her a wink, say you like her hair"
Really? Is that all it takes to get something from Sabrina?
Maybe someone should tell Kenton ...
Anyway, David Archers spoiled the party by stopping to chat.
But looks like they succeeded somehow.
Jamie and Marty later left a voice message on Kenton's phone which sounded rather drunken. And it was also rather badly timed ...
No! Not the sofa!
Kenton wows Holly with his Tom Cruise impression (from Cocktail), but then gets a light grilling about who Jamie was.
Holly thought Jamie looked like Kenton, but Kenton made clear the Jamie was his stepson.
And that they are very close.
Unlike his relationship with Kathy!
"we've split up now ... it's been a while"
"me and Kathy ... it's definitely over. Really, there's nothing going on"
Oh dear. Not quite the truth there Kenton Archer!
Still, it's a white(ish) lie. But it's one which most definitely come back to bite Kenton on his bum. The whole "but we were on a break" reasoning just isn't going to wash with Kathy. Or Holly. Or David, Elizabeth, Jill, Jamie ...
So just to make it worse, Kenton then ends up back at Holly's flat. With wine. A sofa. And a vibrating pocket
(which was Jamie making his drunken call).
While Kenton listens to Jamie's voicemail, and almost has a pang of guilt, Holly's merrily pouring more wine while singing a Gwen Stefani tune (don't ask me which one - I just recognised the 'whoo-hoo, hee-hoo', or something similar to that).
Then they snog (never a pleasant thing to hear on the radio), and the final words we're left with (surely haunting our nightmares) is:
"i think the bedroom is a very good idea"
Well, yuk (some on, it is Kenton having a sexual thrill!) and 'oh deary, deary, deary me'.
While I don't think Kenton has been especially wrong in having a fling (if it is just that), he's certainly not been thinking with his brain.
Expect a full-blown fall-out.
