The Archers: Jamie's punishment … Jazzer needs a bed
- What was the Red Admiral on?
- "Jill never wants to eat again"
- Whoever forgot to switch mics should be flogged ...
- "bad teenage behaviour can be the sign of a healthy personality"
- What were the obscenities?
- Jazzer's eye got in the way of a big, hairy ...
- "I've naewhere to lay ma we heid"
What was the Red Admiral on?
I didn't quite catch what Lynda said the Red Admiral was on, but it sounded very impressive.
Anyone?
"Jill never wants to eat again"
So Lynda says that Jill said (!) after her delightful 80th birthday treat in Bath.
Steady on there Jill! I know you said that the family gathering must be "the last time", but no need to rush the process!
Whoever forgot to switch mics should be flogged ...
Now I know Robert isn't the most exciting of Ambridge residents, but he normally can be relied upon to be a bit eccentric. Quirky. Witty with the odd quip.
What on earth was he thinking tonight?!?
Someone, somewhere, was obviously meant to switch the microphone over from following Robert and Jamie, to something far less droll instead.
Maybe flogging is taking it a bit far, but they certainly should be very ashamed of themselves. Very much so Indeed!
Robert had taken on the task of repairing the damage to the bird hide, forcing Jamie to be his "apprentice", as well as Jamie having to foot the bill for the materials.
All fair and good. The Bird Hide gets fixed. Jamie learns that there are consequences to 'fun'. And Robert gets someone to lecture.
But my word - did he ever lecture!
Starting off at the timber merchant, Robert went on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on ....(seriously - if you haven’t heard this particular eavesdropping instalment, Robert had a good 6 minutes of waffling about wood, stain, cutting etc etc).
Then, suddenly, not content with sending Jamie into a finely polished coma, Robert then seemed to lose all sense of tact.
What on earth was in his Earl Grey this morning?
He started reminiscing about baby Oscar - how empty the house feels with just two of them - started asking Jamie about how much he misses Kenton - on and on about this that and the next, all of which would have been painful topics/memories for Jamie.
It seems that Robert and Lynda had decided to try and get Jamie to talk To show some emotion. To let it all out.
Which seemingly involves mind-numbing chat about wood, followed by rather aggressive twenty-questions.
No wonder Jamie was "pretending not to care".
Since when did punishment, followed by boredom, topped off with an inquisition ever make anyone feel like offloading?
[Robert] "how do I to get through to the lad without sounding like an old git"
[Lynda] " You only one year older than Sid was, you know"
Maybe Kathy is right. Maybe Sid was a Saint who really understood Jamie. Maybe he was a prince amongst old gits?
Either way - Bad Robert and Lynda. Bad, Bad, Bad. Never, ever, let me catch you doing that again. It greatly disturbed my evening.
"bad teenage behaviour can be the sign of a healthy personality"
As Robert pointed out, Lynda's certainly changed her tune!
She wanted to lynch the 'yobs' who had damaged the Bird Hide, but utterly changed tack when she knew Jamie was involved.
There's nothing like having consistency in one's belief, eh Lyndy?!?
What were the obscenities?
Odd that Ambridge should shy away from outright saying what the obscenities were (carved into the Bird Hide's bench).
Especially considering the language of some of the residents as of late.
I’m personally not offended by colourful language, but we must remember that some of our fellow eavesdroppers are simply not exposed to such vulgarities in their daily lives.
Still - we should really be told ...
Jazzer's eye got in the way of a big, hairy ...
... fist.
(I know. And I'm sorry for being so childish).
Jazzer's need for a bed to sleep in, and a lady to share it with, has landed him in trouble yet again.
This time, the lady in question's husband was an army chap who returned from his tour to find Jazzer with more than his feet under the table.
Jazzer's excuse was that he thought the husband was just a businessman.
Hmmm.
Have you seen how businessmen can cat fight over even the smallest of margin? Not necessarily chaps to dismiss out of hand, my fine friend Jazzer.
"I've naewhere to lay ma we heid"
With no room at The Bull, and an angry husband in Jazzer's temporary accommodation, it's Tom's turn to be emotionally blackmailed by Jazzer.
After sleeping rough at Camp Grundy (did Eddie and Joe know about that? Surely they'd have charged him?!?), Jazzer's desperate.
(which can be the only reason for anyone wanting to share a house with Tom. I’m still waiting on a good reason why Brenda puts up with the tediously arrogant Tom's Sausages).
"It's bad public relations to keep your pigmen in this state"
"I've a robbing brother, and a hardboiled ma"
Tom caves quite easily, though he'll now have to "sell" the (already agreed) arrangement to Brenda.
It's alright Tom. Brenda will respond nicely to a well designed flyer ...
The Archers: Alice goes back to University … it’s Kate’s birthday … Matt and Brian talk business … Patrick wants to call the cops
- My word – Kate’s becoming Jennifer
- “Do be quiet you noisy beast”
- Kate being an utter brat … so soon!
- Patrick’s name is mud
- Patrick and Kirsty?
- Helen’s blooming
- Is Matt not getting out enough?
- The blinking contest continues
- How can you not deliberately carve something into wood?
My word – Kate’s becoming Jennifer!
They (whoever ‘they' are) say that all women become their mothers.
And so it has come to pass with Kate.
Well, not entirely – but they do agree that Chris and Alice’s marriage won’t last.
Who needs enemies when you can have a sister like Kate! It’d be one thing for Kate to say what she thinks to Alice, but she’s being snide behind her back. With their mum (no less!).
[Kate] “She could have at least hung onto her own name … she’ll only have to change back”
[Kate] “Vegas marriages never do [last]”
Jennifer’s delighted that someone else agrees with her, though she only said that when both Alice and Brian were out of earshot.
[Jennifer] “I just feel that ...”
[Kate] “she could have done better …”
[Jennifer] “.. obviously, and ...”
[Kate] “she’s far too young to be tied down ...
[Jennifer] “…yes”
[Kate] “she'll realise her mistake soon enough”
Just goes to show, you can take the posh bird out of the castle, but you can’t make her swill down with the rest of them.
Poor Chris. He’s a nice sort. I do worry about him, now that Alice isn’t there to defend him – but Jennifer has found an ally in Kate.
“Do be quiet you noisy beast”
Did anyone else catch Kate saying that?
What was it to?
It might have been a cow, or a pig, or an overgrown rabbit (for all I know!).
Kate being an utter brat … so soon
Well that really didn’t take her anytime at all.
As well as nicely stitching up her sister to take sides with Jennifer about her marriage, Kate seems to think the world has to stop because it’s her birthday.
(mind that song from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – the Gene Wilder original – “I want the world … I want the whole world … do care how, I want it now!)
In Kate’s bubble, missing a day at College (after she’s only been there a few days), and pulling Phoebe out of school is absolutely justified because it’s her birthday. And she wants to spend it shopping with her daughter.
Hayley was right to be so angry about Kate’s return. She’s barely got over her jet lag, and she’s already using the ‘but I’m her mother’ excuse.
At least Kate did buy sensible clothes for Phoebe when they were out shopping (“woolly tights and a warm jacket”).
But then she tries to mess with Ruairi’s routine. Which Jennifer doesn’t like at all, beginning to launch into a ‘the world doesn’t revolve around you’ routine.
But Kate is saved in time by the call of a vuvuzela.
The cunning lass knew those would come in handy.
Ah well. I’m sure there’s more (and more and more) of this to come.
Patrick’s name is mud
Ah bless. He’s not even a fully fledged resident, yet he’s seemingly being blamed for the Peregrine controversy (which wasn’t really a controversy until a few days ago).
Jill and Susan are now also unhappy about the peregrines being encouraged to roost on the church tower. Seemingly that’s not what churches are far (oh! I thought it was was ‘ALL things bright and beautiful, ALL creatures great and small …’), and folks are also worried about bits of prey falling on their heads.
Feelings are running high. Which is never a pretty sight in Ambridge .
Patrick and Kirsty?
What’s the problem with all these new chaps? They don’t seem to notice that the nice single young ladies of Ambridge are actually available.
First there’s Harry and Fallon (Fallon now seems to be making eyes at him, but he’s shown no interest … apart from a possibly interest in Nic).
Now there’s Patrick and Kirsty.
They have been mates for quite a while now, and Patrick claims to live by:
“you should never resist temptation - you'll miss out on all the fun!”
Hmmm. Maybe Kirsty just isn’t his idea of ‘fun’.
Either way, he’s keen for Kirsty to owl watch with him. Which is nice.
Helen’s blooming
So says Kirsty.
Helen’s 20 week scan is all fine, though she doesn’t want to know the baby’s sex.
Which I joined Jennifer in being surprised about.
Is this really our Helen?
Helen. Wants to keep it a surprise. Without any control???
Ah well. As long as Helen continues to bloom, we might be soon introduced to a permanent Happy Helen!
Is Matt not getting out enough?
It seems to me that Matt’s turning into an elderly gentleman.
The other day he said:
“you can beat a nice bit of Stilton”
Tonight:
“you can't beat a decent Bordeaux”
I’m not saying Matt hasn’t got good taste, but he’ll be wanting a ‘nice slice of pork luncheon’ next.
The blinking contest continues
Brian and Matt meet to discuss Brian’s proposal (from Adam’s idea) of setting up a new company for Lilian to be on the board of (rather than BL).
After Matt’s run-in with Martin the other day, he is getting worried that BL will pull the whole project if he doesn’t at least play nicely.
[Matt] “someone has to compromise … so here I am”
(I also have to admit that I shut most of my brain off when business is discussed in details by any of the Ambridge residents. I want cows and bees!).
The short of it is that Amside would get a 20% share in this new company, and Lilian would be on the board.
Matt’s happy enough with that BUT he’s now doubled the asking price for the land.
[Brian] “I reckon you're pushing your luck!”
Well, that’s seemingly Matt’s final word on the matter. Double the money, or quits.
Nice to have him back properly.
How can you not deliberately carve something into wood?
As Patrick and Kirsty come close to the bird hide (for their spot of owl watching), they catch Jamie and his gang in full ‘party’ mode.
Which involved lighting a fire inside the bird hide (albeit in a biscuit tin), stubbing their cigarettes out on the bench, and graffiti:
“deliberately carved into the wood”
Hmmm. How can a carving be anything other than deliberate?
Anyway – Patrick chased them off, was rightly livid and was about to call the Police.
But, Kirsty spotted Jamie and wants to talk to Kathy before they do anything else.
“he's not some kind of delinquent … just a really unhappy kid”
Which is an interesting take on delinquency. Jamie is a delinquent through his actions, but aren’t all delinquents just kids trying to get attention (or am I going soft in my old age?!?).
Either way, I’d have preferred it if Patrick had called the Police. Although Kathy would have shouted, and Jamie would have shouted back, there’s hope that the shock of being arrested might wake him up put of his ‘whatever’ stupor.
By doing it Kirsty’s way, we’re [probably in for weeks of shouting. And I’d imagine Kenton will get involved. Which means three way shouting.
That’s something to look forward to.
The Archers: Scruff is very barky … Joe’s toenails … Brian tells BL about Matt … Joe and Bert clash
- Not a very ‘shocking’ discovery
- Scruff’s no match for Brian’s Land Rover
- “You can cut my toenails now”
- Eddie needs his constitutional
- “Rather attractive bowl of fruit”
- Not on Joe’s watch!
Not a very ‘shocking’ discovery
There was me thinking the ‘shocking’ discovery in the bird hide might have been a dead body, or someone dead drunk, or even a couple getting dead romantic.
But it turned out to be larger cans, cigarette butts and cider.
Lynda was typically horrified, with both her and Bert deciding to blame teenagers.
Which Lynda seemed to decide after she’d spotted the leftover cider.
Lynda later rants to Clarrie about how riotous teenagers are completely the parents fault. Clarrie of course defends both parents and teens (she could hardly agree, with the state her Edward and William got into).
Hmmm.
I wouldn’t be so fast to blame the Hoodie set.
Could it be a Grundy? Or Kenton?
Or event Lynda’s own Robert? She did say he was in the bird hide the previous evening.
Has he finally cracked?
Scruff’s no match for Brian’s Land Rover
I wouldn't be so sure. Maybe not on direct impact, but in the right conditions ...
“You can cut my toenails now”
Is there no end to the debasement of Clarrie?
While talking to Lynda (gossiping about Kenton and Kathy), Joe appears at the door in his bathrobe, feet washed and ready for Clarrie to cut his toenails.
Yuk!
Eddie needs his constitutional
So after cutting Joe’s toenails, Clarrie also needs to take Eddie out for a constitutional (a la Lynda and Scruff), or he’ll also be “impossible for the rest of the day”.
Honestly, no wonder the woman gossips. What a life of drudgery.
“Rather attractive bowl of fruit”
At an early Borchester Land meeting (10am – the poor poppets), the coffee may be rubbish, but at least Brian finds something rather alluring in the fruit provided.
Breaking the news that they’ll have to buy the access land from Matt, the board is understandably perturbed that they’ll have to deal with Matt again – and rather horrified to think that he wants them to share their fruit with Lilian.
Assuming that Lilian would just be Matt’s stooge – which I think is completely underestimating Lilian – they simply can’t agree to Matt’s terms.
Then Brian makes his big announcement of a cunning plan. Which is … to do absolutely nothing.
“Standing firm” means they’ll give Matt a decent price for the land (or at least “fair” by Brian’s standards), but they won’t accept Lilian onto the BL board. Brian’s reasoning is that the land is fairly worthless unless BL buys it, and with Matt needing his cash flow, they just need to have a staring contest with him.
Trouble is, I think Matt’s rather good at staring.
Not on Joe’s watch!
Bert and Joe square up to each other over Joe being asked to judge the veg at the flower and produce show.
Bert just won’t let it go, but Joe’s adamant that his experience, and fair approach, will make this a show to remember – with no dodgy decisions.
“there won’t be no undeserving winner”
Good oh. But either way, Bert will need DNA proof of that before he’ll be satisfied.
The Archers: Chris and Alice have new furniture ... Brian can't build his road where he'd like to ... the new bird hide opens
- Flat packed furniture? *shudder*
- "I can tell her heart isn't it"
- Stone facials and free booze
- 'Birder' not 'Twitcher'
- Is Patrick really just a good friend?
- Why is Kirsty being such a b*tch?
- Oh dear. Brian can't have his road where he wants it.
Flat packed furniture? *shudder*
I could actually hear Jennifer's skin crawl as she related to Lilian that Chris and Alice had returned to their cottage with flat packed furniture.
Horrified that they weren't using what was already in there:
"the furniture is all perfectly charming ... I chose it myself!"
Jennifer has kept said furniture in a barn. Just in case it's needed again.
She's still hopeful that this marriage won't last.
"You're such a misery ... be happy for them"
Hear hear Lilian.
Still, I had to chortle that Jennifer thought it acceptable that Alice was doing all the furniture building:
"She is an engineer!"
Oh Jennifer! How about it being okay, just because it is okay for a woman, rather than a man, to tackle (what I assume is) Ikea furniture?
It hardly takes a masculine perspective, nor an engineering degree.
"I can tell her heart isn't it"
No sh*t Sherlock!
Lilian, it really doesn't take special powers to notice that Jolene is of almost catatonic state these days,
"Jolene really does say all the right things"
Eh? I haven't heard Jolene say more than 'what?' in the last few weeks, unless it's been a monologue about Saint Sid.
Maybe Lilian just prefers to hear monosyllabic grunts.
Anyway, Lilian's bizarre take on Jolene aside, it looks like she thinks Jolene will sell her share in The Bull.
Worried that they (a) need someone with money who will (b) also run the bar, at (c) a time when village pubs are closing at an alarming rate, Lilian didn't sound very positive about The Bull's future.
Well, until she realised that she could make it into flats ...
Jennifer was rightly horrified at the thought, and I think there would be a fair few other residents who'd have quite a lot to say if The Bull wasn't The Bull.
Look at what happened with the Village shop.
Can pubs be run as community pubs?
Stone facials and free booze
Despite saying all of the above, I simply adore Lilian.
Late to the 'launch' of the new bird hide because she's having a stone facial at 10am, she then simply oozes when a bloke from Borchester Radio asks for for an interview.
Honestly, I thought she'd misheard him, and thought he was offering something far more intimate!
Initially choosing to take the limelight rather than admit she's not remotely interested in bird hides, Lilian could only say that there was "masses" of wildlife, like "ducks and geese".
"what sort of use will you get out of the hide?"
"me? personally???"
Lilian then went onto say she'd use it if she was out for a walk and it started raining ... not that she does ever go for a walk.
"You're not a birder then?"
"I'm here for the drinks and the nibbles!"
Jennifer saved the day with some banal mutterings about the hide being good for school kids.
[Lilian] "it's rather utilitarian"
[Jennifer] "it's not here to draw attention to itself!"
*snort*
'Birder' not 'Twitcher'
I never knew that.
And if you didn't either, now you do.
Cheers Patrick!
Is Patrick really just a good friend?
I think he is. But sometimes you just can't.
Patrick also now has a surname. We can call him Mr Patrick Hennessey. Even more signs that there be more Patrick to follow
That'd be a good thing if it is just more than mates between Patrick and Kirsty. It'd mean she's not chasing Kenton (yuck!), and she might also stop being such a b*tch.
And on that matter ...
Why is Kirsty being such a b*tch?
First she tells all of Helen's most heartfelt woes to Tom (knowing that Helen will be furious that she has done so),
now she's upsetting Fallon by being rude and blunt about Jolene.
After saying how awful Jolene looked:
"people are saying she wants out of the bull ... I don't know if you know"
So telling Fallon across the bar was the best way to possibly break the news?
What on earth is Kirsty up to?
Oh dear. Brian can't have his road where he wants it.
Seemingly the Highways Department isn't happy about where Brian wants the access road to be for the mart development.
I'll admit that I completely zoned out when Brian was talking about it. It felt like we were about to have another 'reading of the job advert' filler.
If there was anything more to say about this, please let me know.
