David and Elizabeth, back together again: Thurs 13.09.12

The Archers Thursday 13th September 2012

• Jim shares his shed secret with Lynda
• If it was a choice between Mike or the baby …
• Elizabeth walks in on David
• Ambridge got a Bronze
• Squirrel!

Jim shares his shed secret with Lynda

The village is still agog with tales of odd happenings in Jim’s shed.

[David] “Smoke pouring out of the door, and Jim rushing in with a bucket of water”

Later, Jim reveals that he’s been building a  … drum roll … Greek/Roman oven

Clever Jim.

That’s what he’s been building in his shed. Though it’s only Lynda who gets to know his secret (so mind and not tell anyone else).


If it was a choice between Mike or the baby …

Neil’s a good mate

Neil makes sure he bumps into Mike, the makes sure Mike meets him later on for a chat.

Which is exactly what Mike needs. Someone to talk to.

[Mike] “Keep thinking I’m going to wake up … find out it’s all going to be a bad dream … never realised how happy I was, until this happened.”

Mike talks to Neil about how he and Vicky can’t talk.

[Mike] “Nothing seems to come natural. It’s like we’re both trying to fill the silence, somehow … all I can think about is how can we possibly manage, it’s like a dark cloud over me all the time … is it fair on the child … bringing it into the world.”

[Neil] “And you can’t say that to her?”

[Mike] “She can’t even think about it. She wants the baby Neil. I just wish I could turn the clock back.”

[Neil] “I know it’s not what either of you would have chosen, but it’s happened … and maybe there’s one thing you need to remember in all this … Vicky; made you so happy these last few years … she changed everything, didn’t she … so if you try to insist that she has a termination, won’t you risk losing her.”

[Mike] “I know. I just can’t imagine life without her.”

[Neil] “If she wants to have this baby, nothing’s going to stop her.”

[Mike] “That’s what scares me.”

Indeed.

Mike or the baby – it’d be the baby for Vicky, every time.


Elizabeth walks in on David
David sneaks in to see Freddie while Elizabeth is out, and has a grand time cheering him up by being so bad at playing a football computer game.

Elizabeth must have come home early, and it must have been a shock to see David there, but she didn’t throw him out. She insisted he stay.

Freddie squarely beats David at the computer game, to which Elizabeth remarks that David is a better loser these days. She remembers what he was like when the family played board games at Christmas.

[Elizabeth] “You’d get really annoyed if I beat you then.”

[David] “What? It was you! If you didn’t get Park lane or Mayfair, you’d tip the board over.”

[Freddie] “I just can’t believe how you managed without computer games”

As David gets to go, Elizabeth walks him out, and thanks him.

[Elizabeth] “Freddie seems so much brighter for seeing you.”

[David] “I can’t tell you what it’s meant to be here again Elizabeth. I’ve missed you.”

[Elizabeth] “Me too.”

Phew!

Thank goodness that’s over.

Now the Archer clan (Phil/Jill branch) can be a proper clan again.

Lucky thing that, what with Christmas approaching.


Ambridge got a Bronze

In Britain in Bloom. Which Lynda is delighted with, and sees as “credible”.

They even got a certificate!

[Lynda] “We thought it should take pride of place in the village hall so everyone could share in its glory.”

Quite right,

Well done Ambridge.


Squirrel!

(seriously, if you haven’t seen the film Up – please do so soon. Especially recommended for dog owners. And you’ll also understand why I get so excited when anyone mentions squirrel!)

Scruff runs of barking while Jim and Lynda are chatting. Which is what he did when they thought they’d spotted the Ambridge Beast.

They then hear and see bushes rustling. Which is what they saw and heard when they thought they’d spotted the Ambridge Beast.

[Lynda] “You don’t think … surely …”

[Jim] “I don’t know Lynda, but shall we keep it to ourselves this time … and whatever it was, I should say it was considerably larger than a squirrel, wouldn’t you?”

Oho! Eddie better get to making more of his statues.

Vicky has her amniocentesis: Fri 24.08.12

The Archers Friday 24th August 2012

• Vicky’s prepared
• Fallon’s lost her sense of humour
• Will one of Arthur’s stamps be worth millions?
• Money’s not a modern day obsession
• Fallon’s jealous of Alice
• Matt’s playing the hard man again

Vicky’s prepared

She’s taking snacks, magazines and a thermos to the hospital in case she and Mike have to wait around for her test.

Poor Vicky.

She’s just keeping herself busy.

When they get there, though Vicky has to lie down, she doesn’t even need to be numbed. They tell her it’ll just be like another scan, but with them also taking a bit of fluid.

[Mike] “It's all in a  day’s work, eh?”

(I can see what Mike is trying to do to reassure Vicky, but it’s just not the right way to do it!)

The test went fine. But

[Vicky] “It's not over yet Mike”

She’ll have to be careful for the next few days. And they won’t know the results for at least 4 or 5 days.

[Mike] “There's every chance it will be fine”

Here’s hoping.


Fallon’s lost her sense of humour

[Rhys] “You've got to laugh.”

[Fallon] “Do you?”

Seems Harry leaving Ambridge has dropped Fallon in a bit of an angry depression.

She can’t even see the funny side of Eddie being made a fool of on local radio.

Eddie’s in for a pint, but has had to go into the Ploughman’s side as Bert’s doing an impression of the Beast, and Jazzer is doing Nessie.

Even Rhys wants in:

[Rhys] “If Jazzer can have his local ness monster, why can’t I have my welsh dragon?”

Fallon is not amused.

[Rhys] “He's only got himself to blame, if he wasn’t such a scam merchant.”

[Fallon] “Humiliating people on the radio, just to get a quick laugh …”

But not to worry Fallon – seems you’ll get to see Harry at least one last time when he visits next week:

[Rhys] “The runaway milkman, he's still alive then ... that didn’t last long!”

(it is only just a visit. Actually, not sure if that’d actually be a good or a bad thing for Fallon)


Will one of Arthur’s stamps be worth millions?

Arthur is showing Darrell his stamp collection.

I know nothing of philately, so though he has stamps from Queen Victoria’s time, and a 10p purple and red, they could just be nice things to look at.

Or worth a few bob … that would solve a few problems if Arthur and Joyce could actually buy their house off of Matt.

Though seems Joyce isn’t a fan of Arthur’s hobby. She thinks it isn’t healthy.

[Arthur] “ … stamp collecting's for sad old geezers with no life ... so I told her I was going to take up train spotting!”

Money’s not a modern day obsession

Arthur was telling Darrell that he’s a good lad with good morals.

[Arthur] “Some lads these days don’t though what they need and what they want.”

Well, that’s hardly a new thing, is it Arthur?

But well-timed comment, I suppose.

Darrell is just about to create havoc for you and Joyce, just for money.

(though I Darrell could grow a pair and tell his wife and daughters they can’t always get what they want, he wouldn’t be in this situation)


Fallon’s jealous of Alice

Even though Alice is unemployed.

[Fallon] “It's hard on her, but I wish I had some of her problems.”

Seems owning your own house, having a degree and being married to a “hunky farrier” is better than having a job.

(actually, she might have a point…)


Matt’s playing the hard man again

[Matt] “When I get back, I expect to see some results, or I will be very disappointed.”

He’s getting very repetitive.

Eddie’s publically humiliated on radio: Wed 22.08.12

The Archers Wednesday 22nd August 2012

• Was local radio ever this vindictive?
• Joe’s keeping an eye on Kathy
• Rosa’s stalking pays off
• Kathy wants a better match for Jamie
• The Loch Ness monster is too much for Eddie
• Jamie listens to AND agrees with Kathy

Was local radio ever this vindictive?

Eddie’s been asked to do an interview with Radio Borchester’s Wayne Folley about the Ambridge beast.

[Joe] “I’d watch out if I was you … that Wayne Folley … why he’s so keen to do this interview … he’s very clever Eddie, I wouldn’t trust him.”

I’m with Joe. Wayne didn’t exactly help Bridge Farm when he edited down his interview with Pat …

But Eddie reckons it’ll be fine. Wayne just knows a ‘good story’ . And it’ll be superb publicity for Eddie’s statues.

[Eddie] “Don’t you worry dad, I know how to handle the media.”

When Eddie gets to the radio station:

[Wayne] “Forget about the studio, just pretend we’re chatting over a jar, in that wonderful local of yours.”

Wayne asks Eddie to describe the beast.

Big eyes, big sharp teeth, hairy …

[Eddie] “It’s hard to describe on the radio, if you really want to know what it looks like, have a look on one of my statues …”

Seems they’re on special this week …

[Eddie] “I look on it at educating the public, like natural history, you know.”

[Wayne, looking at photos of Eddie statues] “It’s a curious creature … Looks to me almost like two or three animals put together …”

Wayne also has photos of Eddie’s other statues. It would seem the Beast is very similar to what it would look like if Eddie has put together his pig, rabbit and dog.

[Wayne] “Isn’t that a bit of an odd coincidence … come on Eddie, isn’t it true you’re pulling a fast one …We’ve all had a laugh, now why not take this chance to come clean … tell the good folk of Ambridge they’ve nothing to fear, that it’s safe to go back into the woods.”

Ouch!

Our local radio just cover flower and produce shows, school plays, amateur dramatic productions and the occasional piece about potholes!


Joe’s keeping an eye on Kathy

[Joe] “Kathy Perks was vacant this morning, thought perhaps I’d just drop in.”

That’s nice of Joe.

And no ulterior motive. Just being a good chap.


Rosa’s stalking pays off

Jamie calls Rosa, after she’s left a number of messages and been round to his house.

[Rosa] “Ah well, I didn’t want to crowd you, I was just worried.”

Jamie seems to appreciate the attention, and arranges to meet her down by the river.

Seems Jamie’s been leaving messages and texts for Natalie, but she’s not answering.

Rosa says she’s text Natalie as well, to let her know that she and Jamie really hadn’t been doing anything. But she still feels guilty.

[Rosa] “I mean, if we hadn’t been messing around …”

But Jamie thinks it would have happened anyway. Natalie was “high” that night as she was drunk, and had got such good results.

[Jamie] “It was all getting too intense anyway … I reckon we could both do with some time out. No ties, no complications, I’d be free to hang out with whoever I like.”

On not getting good enough results:

[Rosa] “It’s okay for people like Nat, and all those nerdy kids who do essays …Who needs them, I can still be rich and famous, and I can still be happy, can’t I?”

Well, yes. And no.

But it’s certainly not what Kathy will want for her previous one.


Kathy wants a better match for Jamie

Kathy’s talking to Joe about Jamie splitting up with Natalie.

She’s a bit sad about it. Natalie was a nice girl, with good grades …

[Kathy] “Whereas Rosa, I’m sure she’s a perfectly nice girl, lively, sociable … you’d hardly call her academic … which is absolutely fine, of course, absolutely no reason why not, it’s just, now Jamie’s saying he won’t be going back to college … she’s bound to be sending him all the wrong messages.”

The Loch Ness monster is too much for Eddie

When Eddie gets home, Joe can’t stop laughing at him.

[Eddie] “It was a setup, that Wayne was out to get me from the start!”

[Joe] “We all heard it Eddie, shame it was a pack of lies … you just don’t know when you stop … you walked right into that one.”

[Eddie] “I;m going down to the shed. I need a drink.”

After a few ciders, Eddie’s back to get laughed at again by Joe.

[Eddie] “Stuff Wayne Folley and his rubbish show. Why should I worry, nobody listens to it anyway!”

But they do.

Joe’s taken one call for a refund. And:

[Joe] “It was from the local ness monster, honest it sounded like the real thing to me, big and fierce and a Scottish accent an all. Asking if he and the beast could meet up for a drink!”

[Eddie] “That’s Jazzer. Oh I’m done for now, I’m finished, I can never show my face in the village again!”

As usual Eddie, it serves you right.


Jamie listens to AND agrees with Kathy

Blimey.

[Kathy] “If we don’t talk about important things, what am I here for?”

[Jamie] “Things that are important to you aren’t always the same for me.”

Though it sounded like Kathy and Jamie were about to have one of their arguments, it was all very calm and sensible.

They both must be growing up a bit …

Jamie doesn’t see the point in further education. He’ll end up with a student loan, and it won’t guarantee him a job.

[Jamie] “I don’t need it, I’ve got better things to do with my life.”

But Kathy reasons that the job market might get tougher and tougher, so Jamie should get every advantage.

[Kathy] “Do you really want to be in your mid 20s and still be doing causal labour … it may seem like the easy option.”

And then Jamie agreed.

Just like that.

He’s going back to College.

That was easy!

Fig Roll!!!!: Thurs 09.08.12

The Archers Thursday 9th August 2012

• Joe can’t even be left alone in the loo
• Burgers? I never said burgers
• Jamie is “ain’t half bad with a chainsaw”
• Lynda prefers to talk fig rolls over periods
• Borrowing your son’s daughter’s  cot
• The Cider Club demands a son!
• Free burger, as long as you buy the bun

Joe can’t even be left alone in the loo

Eddie’s hammering on the bathroom door.

[Joe] “Alright, alright. A man’s deserves a bit of peace on the throne!”

[Eddie] “We ain't got time for you to contemplate the universe.”

Actually, Joe’s not feeling too well.

Reckons it’s all the rich wild boar meat he’s been eating lately. He suggests to Eddie that they might want to eat more salad …

[Eddie] “You heard Clarrie, she ain’t wasting money down the supermarket while we still got a freezer full of wild boar to shift.”

[Joe] “I wish we’d just buried the damn animal.”

Clever Clarrie. Make them eat until they’re so sick of it, they’ll get rid.

So – though Eddie has no regrets (the wild boar led to the newspaper story which has sold him even more statues) – he does also want to get rid of that meat quickly.

So the plan is to sell the Cider Club (meeting tonight) wild boar burgers.


Burgers? I never said burgers

Claims Eddie when Clarrie catches him plotting with Joe.

[Eddie] “I told you, we’re not going to sell them. Anyway, we’ve been eating them for days and no problems.”

[Clarrie] “I’m serious. If you come back smelling of grease, there’ll be trouble.”

Jamie is “ain’t half bad with a chainsaw”

According to Mike.

Quite terrifying …


Lynda prefers to talk fig rolls over periods

Which is odd, as I thought she was rather open and frank when the topic was the menopause. She even told us far too much about her sex life with Robert.

Mike and Robert were off out to the Cider Club, so Vicky called Lynda to angle an invite round to hers.

[Lynda] “Then you can tell me your big news face to face.”

When Vicky gets there, she’s a bit taken aback that the Ambridge b gossip mill hasn’t got right round the village as yet.

[Lynda] “Honestly Vicky, I do my best not to engage in village gossip!”

When Vicky tells her she’s pregnant:

[Lynda] “Well, I don’t know what to say, it was the last thing I expected!”

And that’s when Vicky mentioned having missed her periods. Lynda interrupted with:

[Lynda] “Fig Roll!”

And rushed to get them onto a plate.

Huh?


Borrowing your son’s daughter’s cot

Roy’s trying to warn Mike about the cost of a baby (these days).

[Roy] “We’ve still got Abbie’s cot in the loft if you’d like to borrow it.”

[Mike] “It don’t seem quite right. Inheriting your granddaughters’ things. That’s not the way it’s supposed to be.”

[Roy] “I don’t think there is a way it’s supposed to be these days.”

Roy asks Mike if he has any doubts.

[Mike] “If I'm honest Roy, I wasn’t that keen to have kids the first time round.”

[Roy] “Thanks very much!”

[Mike] “I wouldn’t do without you and Brenda now, but you know how it is … I were never exactly a hands on dad, was I? Left most of it to your mum. I’d like to do more this time, but now I’m an old man.”

[Roy] “Just listen. I know that you’re worried you’re not up to it, you’re still fighting fit and nowhere near to slowing down …”

True.

Couldn’t Mike just retire anyway and be the househusband?


The Cider Club demands a son!

[Eddie] “Aye aye, There you are you old dog … Mike Tucker still got lead in his pencil. Looks like we’ve got something to celebrate!”

Eddie’s on a roll:

[Eddie] “The stud o Ambridge. They’ll have your picture up in The Bull.”

[Joe] “He’s been taking them Niagara pills.”

(*snort*)

[Mike] “It’s good to laugh. I haven’t felt much like it for a while.”

Though Joe tries to sober him up:

[Joe] “You may not feel it right now Mike Tucker, but as the years go by they weight heaviers and heavier.”

Eddie then has a clever idea:

[Eddie] “We should make Baby Tucker an honorary member of the cider club, then he’s got to be a boy … men only ain’t it!”

[Roy] “But Lilian’s a member?”

[Eddie] “Oh, she don’t count”

(oh-ho! Bet you wouldn’t say that to Lilian’s face!)

[Eddie] “And to Mike for keeping his end up. May the fruit of his loins be just as vigorous.”

I really hope it’s a girl.


Free burger, as long as you buy the bun

As the Cider Club gather, Joe starts handing round the “free” burgers.

[Joe] “That’ll be three quid please.”

Seems the burger is indeed free. But one does have to purchase the bun.

But – foiled again (as usual) – Clarrie phones to tell Eddie of Pat’s investigation into the eating of roadkill.

[Clarrie] “You are not allowed to feed it to anyone … so you have been selling them burgers?”

[Eddie] “I weren’t lying. We’ve not been selling the burgers. We’ve been selling the buns.”

[Clarrie] “Do you think that after everything I've been through with the diary I’d even want to take the risk … so go get them burgers off them now!”

Eddie breaks the news to the Cider Club.

[Eddie] “Burgers are off, by order of her indoors.”

[Mike] “Well I guess we know who is boss!”

Ach well.

Looks like wild boar for tea in the Grundy household foe a long time to come.

Eddie buys a freezer: Thurs 02.08.12

The Archers Thursday 2nd August 2012

• Poor Bert
• Eddie’s a PR genius
• Eddie buys a freezer
• Brian nobbles Ian
• Bridge Farm has good post
• Brian’s a cheeky monkey
• Ian and Adam have a barney

Poor Bert

Eddie reckons Joe’s gone round to Bert Horrobin’s to gloat at the recent news Keith is a firestarter.

[Eddie] “Yet another jailbird in that family.”

[Clarrie] “People in glass houses, Eddie …”

Quite.


Eddie’s a PR genius

And I mean that quite sincerely.

He’s ever so keen Clarrie reads The Echo.

[Clarrie] “When’s there anything remotely interesting in the Borchester Echo?”

Eddie is most insistent there is.

When Clarrie later reads The Echo while at work at Bridge Farm, she’s stunned to hysterics (in a laughing way, not a crying one).

[Pat] “ ‘A close shave with the beats of Ambridge’ … what’s Eddie got there?”

[Clarrie] “It’s one of his statues.”

Seems Eddie got an article about his brush with the beast.

It’s his and Joe’s plan to say that the wild boar they hit was only:

[Clarrie] “Fleeing in terror from a horrifying mutant creature."

But that’s not all.

In the article, Eddie’s described as:

[Clarrie] “A sculpture and ethnic artist.”

(that’s when she really starts laughing)

He talks about his studio (their shed, Clarrie reckons). And that he was inspired to make “£D representations of the creature”. Which just so happens to be for sale …

[Clarrie] “It was my duty as an artist to give people the chance to own a piece of Borsetshire history.”

[Pat] “Who’ve got to give him credit for trying.”

But Clarrie’s still focused on the wild boar meat. As I also wondered, she asked Pat if road kill can be sold.

Pat’s off to investigate.


Eddie buys a freezer

It’s rusty, but it works. Allegedly.

Eddie’s bought it to store the wild boar meat.

[Eddie] “You wanted it shot”

[Clarrie] “I wanted it buried in the ground!”

Then there’s the problem of where to put it.

Eddie reckons the shed. But where will the ferret cage go? (wonders Clarrie)

On the fridge. (reckons Eddie)

More worrying for Clarrie is that Eddie seems to have plans for that meat (again). He hasn’t dropped the idea that he could be making money from it.


Brian nobbles Ian

Brian tells Ian that Home Farm won the arable contract.

[Brian] “So, we need to find a way forward with staffing.”

[Ian] “Without Adam, you mean.”

[Brian] “Well I hope not Ian … Now we know where we are, I’m hoping you can change his mind … Well I know he and I have had our differences, but if Home Farm is anything, it’s a family business. And Adam’s been a  major part of that since he came back from Africa, I don’t want to see him throw away everything we’ve built up together.”

[Ian] “Is that so?”

[Brian] “Of course!”

[Ian] “Well, you have a funny way of showing it … do you know how badly you’ve handled this situation. Your attitude’s been like it or lump it the whole way through.”

[Brian] “Well I don’t think that’s fair.”

[Ian] “Is it any wonder he feels the way he does?”

[Brian] “I don’t think there’s any point in raking up the past, we are where we are. Maybe I could have handled things better … as far as Adam’s future is concerned, surely we’re on the same side?”

As Brian then points out to Ian, if Adam decides not to accept the inevitable at Home Farm, Ian might have to move.

[Ian] “Alright. I’ll see what I can do.”

Oh dear.

I don’t disagree with Ian trying to convince Adam to not leave Ambridge (as Adam really hasn’t thought of Ian at all throughout this … and leave Ambridge!?! Who would ever???).

But that Ian will be seen to be siding with Brian can only leady to friction.


Bridge Farm has good post

For once.

Seems their insurance company has paid out on all the claims. And no-one has permanent damage.

So, the E.coli is officially over.

[Pat] “I wouldn’t like to live like something through that again.”

[Clarrie] “If I could go back and change things.”

[Pat] “As far as I’m concerned, it’s all in the past, the future is what counts now.”

Brian’s a cheeky monkey

Brian was placing an advert by phone

I didn’t think that happened anymore. I thought you had to design your recruitment advert, then pay again for it to go through pre-flights.

Not at the Borchester Echo, it seems. Brian called up with a recruitment advert, reading the copy out over the phone.

How quaint!

Anyhoo – the advert is for a Farm Manager … which is Adam’s alleged role.

[Brian, still ready out his copy] “This is  a great opportunity, for an experienced manager, who is used to taking initiative …”

(aye, as long as your initiative fits in with Brian’s 5 year plan!)

[Brian, still ready out his copy] “Home Farm has a proven track record as an equal opportunities employer.”

Pfffft!

What a nerve!


Ian and Adam have a barney

Adam’s telling Ian how much he enjoys being around Pavel.

[Adam] “Really inspiring to work with someone who’s still got all their ideals intact.”

He reckons Poland’s got farming right. Pavel’s active in a campaign to start industrial farming, which he reckons should have happened in Britain in the 70s and 80s.

[Adam] “It would be really good to spend some time out there.”

[Ian, shouting] “Oh for god sake, will you listen to yourself … Africa … Hungry, Poland … anywhere but Ambridge. So where does that leave me?”

Oops.

You know things are very, very bad when Ian raises his voice.

Clarrie’s freezer is groaning ... what a boar: Sun 22.07.12

The Archers Sunday 22nd July 2012

• Adam’s not deciding, Brian’s not listening
• The returning hunters were not welcomed
• Will has a smelly pick up
• Jennifer’s finally fed up
• Is it illegal to sell road kill?

Adam’s not deciding, Brian’s not listening

[Adam] “I really thought Brian would listen to me for once … The problem is, he’s gone for the easy option. Never mind how I feel about it.”

[Ian] “Would it be so bad thought … basically, they’d be paying you to grow crops.”

Well Ian, apart from the crops being for the Super Dairy (which Adam is against), Adam also doesn’t have any say in the matter. What Debbie and Brian want goes, Adam’s opinion is worth nothing.

And Brian is pushing Adam hard for a decision.

[Adam] “You’ve sprung this on me; I don’t mean to be railroaded into it.”

But Brian does insist.

Adam has until Friday.

[Adam] “It’s not a matter of time, it’s negotiation by ultimatum.”

It’s not Brian I’d be furious act. It’s sister Debbie that shouldn’t be doing this.



The returning hunters were not welcomed

Clarrie can’t get to her sausages

[Clarrie] “All that wild boar meat, it’s taken me five minutes to find sausages!”

[Joe] “Providence cast that poor creature in our patch Clarrie, the least we can do is put it to good use.”

[Clarrie] “I wish it didn’t mean cluttering up our freezer.”

So Eddie and Joe’s delighted at landing (running over!) a wild boar was short lived. Clarrie was not impressed.

She’s not even in admiration of Joe’s prowess as a butcher, even though he’d learnt it off his dad. Who’d learnt it off his dad.

[Joe] “And his father learnt it off a travelling pig-sticker.”

All Clarrie can see is a “half hundred weight”  of boar meet, clogging up her freezer.


Will has a smelly pick up

Eddie, Joe and Clarrie have borrowed a shoot pick up while their van is being repaired (after its argument with the boar).

It smells of dead pheasant and wet dog.

Lovely.


Jennifer’s finally fed up

That took a while.

Jennifer’s caught between Brian and Adam, having to hear her husband says this sort of thing about her son:

[Brian] “If he finds it too much for his delicate conscience, we’ll need someone else.”

She is also fed up of hearing what the Board of BL want. She just wants her family together and happy.

A tad naively, Jennifer asks Brian to be “less confrontational”.

[Brian] “I’m sorry, I don’t have that luxury.”

What an ass.


Is it illegal to sell road kill?

Clarrie wants the boar meet to be taken to the dump. Or:

[Clarrie] “Get out that digger of yours, make a big hole, and chuck it in.”

Eddie and Joe want to sell it. They think they should have a word with Maurice … Clarrie’s outraged.

[Clarrie] “After all we’ve been through … selling dodgy meat!”

Joe reckons the boar lived naturally, and ate naturally.

Clarrie reckons it has to be properly killed and processed to be able to be sold.

[Joe] “It’s what folks want these days, wild meat.”

[Clarrie] “Eddie, how do you know this is legal?”

[Eddie] “It’s on menus in posh restaurants!”

[Clarrie] “And how are you proposing to make burgers anyway?”

That’s where Maurice comes in.

Clarrie had to remind Eddie that he’d already got Maurice into trouble by selling him “condemned” meat.

[Eddie] “Our boar meat hasn’t been condemned.”

[Clarrie] “Well of course not, it hasn’t been inspected.”

[Eddie] “Perfectly healthy that beast was.”

[Joe] “Apart from being dead …”

Clarrie also puts a dampner on them giving it away at the cider club (well, for an entrance see). She thinks they’ll be sued.

[Eddie] “I don’t know why you're putting the mucklers on this, time are hard.”

So – though Joe and Eddie reckon they could be the new Tom Archers (please, one is ample!) – Clarrie begs them not (not!) to give the meat anyway to anyone. Though they can eat it themselves. And, while they’re at it:

[Clarrie] “And on other thing, get it out of my freezer!”

*sigh*

Course, Eddie and Joe will try to sell it.

They always do exactly what Clarrie (quite rightly) tells them not to.

The Beast in the garden, the Beast on the road: Fri 20.07.12

The Archers Friday 20th July 2012

• Brian wants to talk
• A lounge with a view
• Keith’s been found guilty
• Bunty’s had a fall
• Jennifer discovers the Beast in her garden
• Eddie to become a recognised artist?
• Bust, and then BOOM
• Hayley’s annoyed with Kate

Brian wants to talk

That’s always worrying.

He forces Adam to sit down and talk to him.

Well, more to listen to him.

He tells him about losing one of their arable suppliers.

[Brian] “Which leaves us with only one option … Home Farm is going to have to be the supplier to the dairy … You can keep the venison and the sheep and the soft fruit, of course.”

[Adam] “Look .. I’m not going there again.”

[Brian] “It’s not up for discussion any longer.”

[Adam] “It’s not going to happen.”

[Brian] “Debbie agrees with me … we’ve looked into all the options, and basically there isn’t any.”

[Adam] “All my hopes for this place, all my ideas, you just want to sweep them away.”

[Brian] “All I want is the best for this business. It’s a family business. I need you to be part of the team.” 

[Adam] “Oh come on, it's a land grab. You and Debbie are taking over the farm and never mind what it does to me!”

Jennifer tried to suggest they could only use half of the land Brian needs from Home Farm, but he’s not interested.

Doesn’t Adam have a legal right to be consulted about the use of Home Farm land?

Maybe not.

If not, he’d be far better off elsewhere.


A lounge with a view

Eddie and Joe are at Home Farm, putting Ruairi’s dog statue on its plinth.

Ruairi told them to put it near the swimming pool, which they duly do. And they also made sure it could be seen from the house.

[Joe] “Nice to give them the benefit when they’re sitting in their lounge.”

Eddie kids around that he fancies taking a swim first.

[Eddie] “Maybe I’ll strip off and go in for 5 minutes.”

[Joe] “Madam Aldridge comes back with her la de da friends, that I’d like to see!”

Which gets Eddie pondering.

The Aldridges do have rather well connected friends.

Maybe he should also put a sign up saying ‘sculpture by E Grundy’.

Well, it is now going to be a very prominent feature of the Home Farm garden from now on.


Keith’s been found guilty

By Adam and David’s clan, it would seem.

[Adam] “Incredible aren’t they, that family.”

[David] “I must say, we’re all very relieved.”

Though they both agree that they shouldn’t be jumping to conclusions, that’s exactly what they are doing, They’re bath talking like it’s all over.

[Adam] "I won’t forget what you did. What you’ve had to go through, all of you. You’ve been rock solid.”

[David] “Well you know, anytime. Hey, we’re all alive.”

Have the forgotten it’s a gang that was after them?

Keith Horrobin may be many things, but he’s most definitely only one man.

And whether he was the man who’d been terrorising them on behalf of the gang has yet to be confirmed.


Bunty’s had a fall

Oh dear. Hope she’s okay.

(Bunty was the mum of Shula’s husband Mark)


Jennifer discovers the Beast in her garden

Hayley was round to Jennifer’s to see if she’d heard of any specific dates for Phoebe to return.

Then:

[Jennifer] “What in earth is that in the garden!”

When they go out to see it.

[Hayley] “Actually, I think it’s rather good. It’s got a lot of character.”

[Jennifer] “Oh, do you think so. To me it’s got a rather nasty sort of leer …The thought of having to stare out at this every day.”

(Brian joins them)

[Jennifer] “I blame Lilian for this. The ridiculous amount of money she had to pay him … I’m beginning to wonder if this has all been a put up job … he’s getting very devious, this son of yours.”

[Brian] “If it amuses him, where’s the problem … (once Ruairi bores of it) we can ship it off quietly behind the garage.”

Eddie to become a recognised artist?

Eddie’s plan to have Jennifer’s friends desperate to buy his ‘art’ might come true after all.

As Jennifer was worrying about what people will say when they spot the Beast from the terrace:

[Brian] “Spin them a line about getting into naïve art, the investment potential and so on, they’ll all what to go out and get one.”

Bust, and then BOOM

Eddie and Joe haven’t had a good week.

They sold the dog to Ruairi, but discounted.

And they sold two monsters, but as a  BOGOF.

[Eddie] “We’ll go bust at this rate.”

[Joe] “That lot wouldn’t know a bargain if it jumped into their recycled shopping bag.”

Then Joe shouts out as Eddie hits something (they’re in his van).

[Eddie] “Bloomin’ eck, where the hell did he come from.”

[Joe] “A bad week just got a lot worse.”

They’d hot a boar. A rather large boar. Which they reckon will be hard to explain on their insurance forms.

[Joe] “Don’t suppose they get a lot of wild boar suicides … You know what you just done, don’t you. You killed the beat. It’s going to be the end of your monsters … there ain't no mystery beast no more.” 

[Eddie] “Unless, who’s to say this is the Best of Ambridge … it came screaming out of the wood like a bat out of hell, like summit had scared it half to death … Play our cards right we have our cake and eat it too.”

*sigh*

Another Grundy scam ahoy.

Oh joy.


Hayley’s annoyed with Kate

Nothing unusual there, but it’ll explode if Kate isn’t more forthcoming soon.

Hayley has no idea of when Phoebe will be coming home.

And when she called to talk to Phoebe tonight, at a time they’d all arranged, Phoebe was out. Kate couldn’t say when she’d be back.

Sensing something’s not quite right, Hayley did ask if everyone was okay, but Kate didn’t say anything useful.

I can foresee Hayley getting on a  flight to South Africa very soon …

The barn’s on fire at Brookfield: Wed 11.07.12

The Archers Wednesday 11th July 2012

• We’re going down the pub …
• David’s not at the pub
• Eddie offers Neil outside
• Emma’s up with Keira
• Josh is up with Jeena
• The barns on fire!

We’re going down the pub …

The blokes of Ambridge are having drinks, on Keith Horrobin.

It’s his son-in-law’s (more or less) last night of bachelordom. Not sure why that means his father-in-law-to-be has to pay for the males of the local village to drink and eat all night. But poor Keith seemed to have no choice.

[Neil] “You’re losing a daughter and gaining ...”

[Keith] “ … a whacking great overdraft.”

David’s not at the pub

He’s staying in with Ruth, the kids and a DVD.

[Ruth] “Yeah, cause we usually have such a wild social life.”

Eddie offers Neil outside

Eddie’s not very happy with Neil’s alleged sighting of The Ambridge Beast (which happened a wee while ago, and was never mentioned until now, despite Susan being very excited about it indeed). Eddie is insisting Neil never saw a boar.

[Keith] “If anyone should know a boar when he sees one, it’s Neil!”

[Neil] “Eh?”

(Keith makes a quick exit elsewhere. Making jokes about Susan to Neil never goes down well)

Neil won’t back down. It was a boar, he swears. So, Eddie calls Neil outside …

…  to show him one of the concrete ornaments he’d made. This one was made out of 3 other ones, which Eddie is going to try and sell as a horrible, evil, Ambridge Beast.

[Eddie] “So all these talk of boars, you;re killing my trade mate!”

Neil’s was in stitches!

[Eddie] “Have a heart Neil, times are hard … so, you didn’t see no boar, did you?”

We can hear Neil’s answer through his laughter.


Emma’s up with Keira

Keira’s teething. Just as Emma settles her, and settles herself next to a dozing Ed (who’d come home early from the pub), she notices a light go on at Brookfield.

But it’s only Josh duty his duty to Jeena (the heavily pregnant cow with the slim hips).


Josh is up with Jeena

[Josh] “It's alright girl. I’m here. I'll be with you.”

Seems she’s starting labour. But, there’s something odd.

[Josh] “I know you've got other things on your mind Jeena, but can you smell ...”

The barns on fire!

Just as Josh can smell the smoke, the farm’s dogs start barking, and Keira starts crying. That wakes Emma.

[Emma] “Oh my god, the barn is on fire!”

She wakes Ed. Then finds that George isn’t in his bed. And then she also spots someone running.

[Emma] “Hey, you stop!”

Ed manages to stir, and knocks up David and Ruth.

They rush out. David wants Ed to help him stop the fire before it reaches the chemical store, but George is still missing. Emma’s frantic.

As is Ruth.

Josh also isn’t answering.

We leave Ambridge in the wee hours of the morning, Ruth and Emma shouting for their sons, the sound of fire crackling in the background.

Very reminiscent of the night Grace died. David call of “look out!” had me thinking we might have had another fire fatality in Ambridge …

Jill shouts at Elizabeth: Mon 02.07.12

The Archers Monday 2nd July 2012

• Jennifer’s a mum first
• Fruit pickers can’t make decisions
• Tea at the Orangery turns nasty
• Three minutes for a cigarette
• Save the Valley Farm Swifts!
• Did Adam come close to the Ambridge Beast?
• Elizabeth pretends to be interested
• Why won’t Brian tell us who the driver is?
• Adam’s swithering

Jennifer’s a mum first

And she won’t stop nagging until her (eldest) wee boy looks after himself.

Even though Adam got the all clear from the hospital (so far):

[Jennifer] “It doesn’t mean you can go at things hammer and tongs, you know.”

Adam tells her that they still haven’t got a driver for the combine (which Adam was to sort, then Brian, who punted it back to Adam, only for it to go back to Brian when Jennifer noticed Adam was a tad overworked. BUT looks like Brian’s let it be rather than sort it).

Jennifer later tells Brian that he needs to concentrate on Home Farm, rather than the Super Dairy, especially with the harvest looming.

But actually, Adam’s really quite happy back at work.

[Adam] “Moments like these it feels good to be back at work.”

He’s looking forward to the harvest. Despite it being such a hard slog.

[Adam] “And the great thing is, at the end of the day, you’ve got a barn full of food.”

Fruit pickers can’t make decisions

According to Adam.

He hasn’t thought of a replacement trip out (in place of the Tree Top Adventure), but won’t consider asking the pickers. They don’t do decisions easily, apparently.


Tea at the Orangery turns nasty

[Jill] “Lovely to hear from you darling, hold on. I’ll just drop my trowel.”

Elizabeth calls Jill, just as Jill has to redo the Village Shop planters, on Lynda’s command. Lynda’s being very specific about when plants have to be watered, and Jill also has to do the baking for the judges’ visit. Jill is most delighted to be interrupted and invited for tea.

[Jill] “That would be wonderful Elizabeth; I could escape Lynda’s clutches for an hour at least.”

When Jill arrives, they chat about this and that.

This, being the Britain in Bloom efforts:

[Jill] “Well it has been very rewarding, of course seeing the village looking so lovely.”

That, being that Lower Loxley wine didn’t place in the UK Vinters' competition, but that it did get positive comments which Elizabeth can use to improve.

Then, onto the elephant in the room. Jill makes mention of popping over the Brookfield later on:

[Elizabeth] “So, how are things?”

[Jill] “Well, difficult. As you can imagine.”

[Elizabeth] “Honestly mum, I don’t know what David thinks he’s doing!”

[Jill] “He’s taking care of his family, of course.”

[Elizabeth] “I just thought … well … He always seems to make the wrong decision, doesn’t he?”

[Jill] “What do you mean?”

[Elizabeth] “Well, why’s he so set on giving evidence? Surely the most important thing is keeping his family safe.”

[Jill] “He is keeping them safe.”

[Elizabeth] “By sending them away?”

[Jill] “The situation is far more complicated than you Elizabeth … and assessing it in such a black and white way really isn’t helpful at all.”

Jill then walks out. Just as Hayley comes to ask Elizabeth if she can leave early to buy a lampshade.

Oh dear.

We hadn’t heard from Elizabeth for such a long time, but she comes right back in to start an argument!


Three minutes for a cigarette

Adam’s having a moan about one of his pickers (Pavrol? Spelling?!?) always “slacking off” for a cigarette.

[Ian] “Give the lad a break. It’d take him three minutes max.”

Course, as Adam pointed out, Ian would know!

And I can concur. Due to a previous life in retail, I could smoke two and a half cigarettes in a 15 minute break.

Must also mention that there’s been a lot of mentions about smoking near the hidden microphones lately. Though I could be over sensitive. Only 10 days without a cigarette so far …


Save the Valley Farm Swifts!

Now that’s something for Hattie and her crew to get her teeth into.

A whole back, Brian took Jennifer for a nice walk, which just happened to end up at a place called Valley Farm. It just so happens the owners might be willing to sell, and it just so happens that it’d be perfect for accommodation for the Super Dairy works.

It also just so happens to have swifts nesting.

[Jennifer] “Don’t forget what I said about the swifts … it’s their home too!”

Did Adam come close to the Ambridge Beast?

[Adam] “I might have encountered Lynda’s wild beast when I was up at Haydn Berry this morning … well there was definitely something crashing through the undergrowth.”

[Ian] “What, you don’t think it was Lynda and Scruff?”

[Adam] “I just heard this mad snorting and snuffling.”

[Ian] “Bound to be her then. She’s doing a lot of snorting at the moment!”

Shouldn’t that be sniffing? That’d be more Lynda’s style.

And what happened to Neil’s great discovery of a wild boar the other day? Susan was so excited, so it surely should have been front page news by now?


Elizabeth pretends to be interested

In Hayley’s talk of redecorating Phoebe’s bedroom.

[Elizabeth] “Phoebe’s going to love it, I’m sure.”

[Hayley] “She was in her pink phase when she went away.”

Why won’t Brian tell us who the driver is?

He has sorted someone for the combine driving, but is keeping secret of who it is.

Why?

What on earth could be the surprise?


Adam’s swithering

[Adam] “Look, you’ve made a really good case. When I’m listening to you, I know I should be encouraging David, telling him to face them down and give evidence.”

[Ian] “Well that’s what seems right to me.”

[Adam] “In theory, yeah. But, they’re family. What am I putting them through? Ruth begged me last week to persuade David to pull out. She was in pieces, and I was standing there thinking this is all down to me.”

[Ian] “You're the victim in this, don’t forget get that.”

[Adam] “Ok. But that really doesn’t help them, does it … if you’re right, and David should stand firm, how on earth am I going to tell Ruth?”

Difficult.

If something does happen, the guilt will be unbearable.

But, if the gang gets free, how can Adam ever sleep sound?

Neil has a good and bad day: Thurs 14.06.12

The  Archers Thursday 14th  June 2012

• Neil’s spotted the Ambridge Beast
• Neil’s a hungry chap
• Fancy donuts from America
• Ifty goes into Susan’s bad book
• Neil’s off the cricket team
• The Barbeque doesn’t get Adam’s mojo back
• Usha shouts at Amy

Neil’s spotted the Ambridge Beast

Neil bursts in at home with earth shattering news. Though Susan makes him put his boots on newspaper first …

[Neil] “Lynda’s monster. I’ve seen it. It’s a wild boar, a proper beast. The beast of Ambridge … massive it is, body dark grey, face is speckled white and it has tusks.”

[Neil] “(he’d seen it at Nightingale Farm) right outside the house, bold as brass Looked me straight in me eye, and then ran off towards the gardens.”

[Susan] “Oh Neil, well this is a scoop … you’ve solved the mystery of the monster!”

[Neil] “Might not be so lucky for my pigs. I’ll have to make extra sure they’re penned in tonight, I don’t want to risk any cross breeding.”

Well. That’s that then? Though I wouldn’t be so quick to pen up the pigs - could be a while new business venture.

Susan is beyond herself with glee.

[Susan] “It’s a moment in history … the moment the monster was identified by you!”

Neil’s a hungry chap

He got quite irritated that his lunch wasn’t ready there and then.

And sounds like he tucked into a 3 course dinner later on.


Fancy donuts from America

Keith brought them for Brad and Chelsea, Tracey gave them to Susan as:

[Susan] “Tracey reckons the sugar makes the kids even more hyper than usual.”

Neil enjoyed them. He really didn’t stop eating today.

By-the-by - what sort of donut were they on about?


Ifty goes into Susan’s bad book

Oh dear.

First, Susan is embarrassed that Tracey has been chasing after Ifty.

[Susan] “I can do without her making a spectacle of herself.”

Then she heard Neil was off the cricket team …


Neil’s off the cricket team

Or at the very least, sounds like he’s being rested for a bit.

After making her point to Ifty the other day that Neil didn’t want to leave the team, when Alistair called to talk to Neil, Susan assumed it was because Alistair was resigning – and Neil would be captain.

[Susan] “You are the elder statesman.”

But no.

[Neil] “I’ve lost my place in the team, Susan”

Seems the Ambridge Cricket team doesn’t need Neil’s “stature and experience”. And he has too many bad habits that are now too ingrained.

[Neil] “Suppose I’ll have to face the fact that I’m not as quick as I was, not as sharp … the glory days, are in the past.”

[Susan] “I’ll be the judge of that!”

Susan asks if anyone has been dropped:

[Susan] “I bet you that Iftikhar is at the bottom of this … he wants his favourites in the side … the team was doing fine before he turned up … he barged in like a bull in a china shop … and he’s been leading our Tracey a merry dance … oh, size of one Neil … mark my words, this Ifty's bad news. I can feel it!”

Phew! The wind doesn’t change as often as Susan’s mind.


The Barbeque doesn’t get Adam’s mojo back

At the pickers’ barbeque:

[Ian] “I’ve tasted weaker absinthe”

[Adam] “Well, she does call it the devil in disguise”

Adam’s on drinks, Brian’s on cooking meat. Seems Brian was beyond excitement about using the new tongs Jennifer had bought for him.

Adam seems to be enjoying himself at first, but Ian later finds him trying to get a rest, and also feeling quite sorry for himself.

[Adam] “This is my event, I’m supposed to be in charge, and I can’t even pour drinks properly.”

Usha shouts at Amy

Amy seems to be constantly regressing into her teens.

Today, she’d left a mess. Usha found her sat on the settee in the mess.

[Usha] “Look if you don’t want to talk to me fine, but we have to share this place and I expect you to clear up after yourself.”

[Amy] “What’s the point? You only end up rearranging it … you’re a control freak, you run this house, your try and run dad, thing is, you can’t run me”

[Usha] “Well I am sick of your rudeness”

[Amy] “I don’t care.”

Later on:

[Usha] “Sulk over?”

[Amy] “I’m not interested in listening to you”

[Usha] “You’re punishing me because I didn’t know what the right thing to do was … would you have believed me … you would have twisted it some way and hated me for interfering … Look, I’m tired of being blamed when the person you should be blaming is getting off scot free … I’m not taking it anymore, I understand you’re hurting, but you’ve got to get a grip on your life.”

[Amy] “You can’t speak to me like this!”

[Usha] “But you can speak to me however you want, you can do whatever you want?”

Amy gets to leave:

[Usha] “You can’t just walk out!”

But she does.

I wouldn’t have complained about that is I was Usha. Better to be shot of Amy in her current state.

Will and Nic caught on camera 08.06.12

(doing adult stuff … blimey!)

The Archers Friday 8th June 2012

• Ifty wants artisan, local cheese
• Save Neil’s cricket!
• The tin of tomato soup flirting technique
• B*stards killed a sheep
• Susan and Lynda see A LOT of Nic and Will

Ifty wants artisan, local cheese

So Susan suggests Borchestershire Blue, Helen’s.

I wonder … will Ifty like the make as much as the product?

He’s seemingly so damn handsome, some lucky Ambridge lass must be destined to be his belle.


Save Neil’s cricket!

Susan’s heard that Neil might be dropped from the cricket team, so has a quiet word with Ifty.

If he has any sense, he’ll do exactly as Susan says. She won’t let go …


The tin of tomato soup flirting technique

Courtesy of Tracey Horrobin.

She spots Ifty in the shop, so topples over some soup (!) and loses an earring (!!).

I kid you not …

[Susan] “Only you could get one of my customers scrabbling about on the floor looking for your earring”

[Tracey] “Men just fall at my feet!”

Tracey has also now suddenly developed a need to learn the rules from cricket from Neil.


B*stards killed a sheep

Ben had done walkabout, so Ruth called him on his mobile. He answers, very upset, and starts saying something about a lot of blood.

When Ruth gets to him, it’s a sheep he’s found.

[Ben] “I was thinking, could it have been Lynda’s monster … it must be very fierce.”

Ruth tells him it must have been someone’s dog, and that she can see bite marks on its neck.

[Ben] “What’s going to happen now, will you have to shoot it?  … get Will Grundy in, he’s good at shooting foxes.”

When Ruth later talks to David:

[Ruth] “It wasn’t an animal. That was done by a human being … it looked like a blade of some sort … there were a couple of bite marks I could see, maybe they used a dog to bring it down.”

Just as they’re calling the Police, Pip comes in. And demands to know what’s happening.

[Pip] “So how about being straight with me for a change! … Some guy comes on the farm and cuts the throat of our animals, I think I should know.”

When David tells her that the Police are only going to do a few extra drive rounds during Farm Sunday:

[Pip] “What do they think we’re dealing with, if they can do that to an animal, and a kid see it …”

[David] “You can’t give into it. You can’t give into bullies … All we can do is stand together as a family, and look out for each other.”

Is it just me, or could Brookfield do with telling all and every in Ambridge? More eyes to see, more hands to punch …



Susan and Lynda see A LOT of Nic and Will

Kirsty had dropped off the video from the camera set up in the wood to Lynda. She and Susan started watching it to see if the Ambridge Beast had been caught on film. As they watch it:

[Susan] “Shame, no monsters.”

[Lynda] “Yes, it is disappointing … hang on ... what was that? … could have been a  fox I suppose, but I thought there was something …”

[Susan] “That’s not an animal. It’s Nic. Oh my goodness! That’s Will!”

[Lynda] “In the woods. In the middle of the night, … oh …!!!”

[Susan] “Oh, oh my lord!”

[Lynda] “They’re not …”

[Susan] “I think they are!”

[Lynda] “Yes. I think you’d better stop it now.”

[Susan] “Well, it’s all wildlife I suppose. In a manner of speaking.”

Oh my!

Wonder how far Will and Nic got before Lynda switched the tape off.

Clarrie’s losing sleep because of that cake 01.06.12

The Archers Friday 1st June 2012

• How did Spearmint get bruised?
• Alice has her reasons
• The cake isn’t a team effort
• Imprisoned at Brookfield
• Hercules is a Houdini
• The Ambridge Beast is camera shy

How did Spearmint get bruised?

[Chris] “He might have seen Lynda’s beast and bolted.”

Seems Spearmint, Alice’s horse, has been bruised for a few days, but Alice hadn’t seen it.

Hurt horse, I always think of Clive …


Alice has her reasons

Chris is getting rather fed up with Alice.

As well as having to suffer Amy constantly being round their house, Amy is also all Alice talks about. And he was most unamused that Alice seemed to be hinting Amy should move in with them … she got an outright “no”.

[Chris] “She just needs to get over it. Even if he told her face to face that he had a wife, she still wouldn’t believe it.”

So, Alice decides to turn detective. She’s going to find the proof that Carl is married, so that Amy can move on (shut up and start behaving like an adult again!).

[Alice] “All this stuff about Carl, it’s taken me right back to dad … all those people just torn to pieces. I can’t help mum, but I can help Amy … if I can prove what Carl’s like, maybe she’ll walk away from it all.”

Chris thinks Alice getting so involved will just make matters worse, but Alice is on a mission.


The cake isn’t a team effort

Clarrie’s furious.

As she’s on her way to do the Church flowers, Jennifer calls to say she can’t bring her any sponges.

Clarrie bumps into Ruth. Ruth also won’t be doing any sponges.

[Clarrie] “I’m a busy woman too … I mean, how long does it take to throw a sponge together? And she’s left it til now to tell me.”

It gets worse. Joe tells Clarrie that Jean Harvey also called. She’s going away for the weekend.

[Clarrie] “What, so no sponge!?!”

Joe also tells Clarrie that Sabrina Thwaite called … but only to check if she should use saffron to make the sponge yellow.

[Joe] “Well, I’m sick of it, every time I pick up the phone it’s somebody asking about that darn cake, and every time it’s a thorn in my side …”

[Clarrie] “I wake up nights in a sweat worrying about it … all you can do is whinge on about Bob Pullen cutting it.”

Later on, Joe finds his sympathetic side, and actually offers to lay the table for Clarrie! She apologises to him for snapping.

[Joe] “Well it only comes round once every 60 years.”

Clarrie’s beyond stressed about the cake as she sees it as the centre piece of the Jubilee celebrations. If it isn’t perfect, she’ll have failed in front of the whole village. And as for Joe complaining about Bob Pullen being chosen to cut the cake because he’s older:

[Clarrie] “Well Joe, it was only an accident of birth … you be generous, eh. You let him have his moment in the sun.”

Imprisoned at Brookfield

David’s memorising the licence plate of every car that comes near Brookfield.

Josh is moody. He knows something isn’t right.

And both David and Ruth are keeping their kids on short leads.

[David] “Short of tagging them, what can we do?”

[Ruth] “They’re not prisoners; they should be free to enjoy themselves.”

But what’s the alternative?


Hercules is a Houdini

[Clarrie] “You hang onto him Joe. I don’t want no ferrets on me ironing.”

The Ambridge Beast is camera shy

[Joe] “Edward says that beardy from the Wildlife Trust … him and young Kirsty set up cameras in the woods to try and spot it … it comes on automatic when something comes by … I still reckon it’ll be a hog.”

[Clarrie] “Well it won’t be a panther.”

Wild Boars are quite common, says Kirsty 21.05.12

The Archers Monday 21st May 2012

• When even sweet potato curry isn’t enough
• Lynda wishes she’d learnt Esperanto
• Is Oliver being sexist?
• Wild Boars are too common for Lynda
• Who did Ruth have to apologise to?
• Oliver delighted to be silaging
• The price of bread is over £2
• Boycott of Alice’s stall?
• Is David going mad?

When even sweet potato curry isn’t enough
Alan tries to get Amy to sit down with him and Usha.

Amy only gets up when she thinks Usha has left the house (she was thwarted today – Usha had just gone out to do a bit of gardening). And sidestepped a mid-morning coffee with Alan and Usha by saying she was staying in bed.

He then manages to get her agree to have tea – he’s going to attempt Mabel’s famous Sweet Potato Curry. Even though he’s never made it right or hot enough before. Amy didn't sound keen at all.


Lynda wishes she’d learnt Esperanto

[Lynda] “Hej. Godmorgen. Hoe is uw dag?”

(apologies to anyone who  is Dutch. My transcription of Lynda’s bad pronunciation is probably way off!)

Lynda explains to Olive that she has Nordic guests staying.

[Lynda] “I just like to make the effort. Nations shall speak peace unto nation. I wished I’d learnt Esperanto, actually”

[Oliver] “Well, you won’t find dried herring in the village shop, but it does sell Danish bacon”

[Lynda] “Oh no no. We're strictly local”

(I’d have thought Lynda would have made a point of saying that they never, ever, buy Danish bacon because of the bad (supposed to be changed but not), way the pigs are held. Maybe too controversial for too early in the morning)

When Lynda also later tells Alice about her guests:

[Alice] “Oh well, I hope their jumpers don’t disappoint”

Lynda was not amused.


Is Oliver being sexist?

[Lynda] “What have you got there? Fistful of chocolate bars I see”

Olive explains it’s to keep him going, as he has work to do at Brookfield. Lynda starts to explain that a sugar rush is only temporary:

[Oliver] “No, Lynda, I won’t accept lectures on chocolate from a woman”

What?

That’s not our usual cuddly, gentleman Oliver.


Wild Boars are too common for Lynda

[Oliver] “I suppose you know Kirsty and Patrick were in the woods together on Sunday?”

[Lynda, sensing juicy gossip] “No, really!?!”

[Oliver] “Close to where Ed found signs of grubbing up in the fields. They were looking for evidence of a wild boar”

[Lynda] “Oh. That”

[Oliver] “Well they actually found some tracks, and what could have been tusk marks on a tree trunk. Exciting, eh … Kirsty says their population is on the increase. In fact, they’re quite common now”

[Lynda] “Hmm”

[Oliver] “Well you don’t seem very interested”

[Lynda] “Well, it’s fascinating, of course, but a wild pig hasn’t the allure of a sleek and predatory big cat”

Oh Lynda. You are fickle.

Patrick’s going to set up a night camera, so hopefully the mystery of boar Vs big cat will be resolved soon enough.


Who did Ruth have to apologise to?

Was it Oliver?

She made mention that she has to apologise to someone for shouting down the phone when she answered it in last eavesdropping episode. Also to Ben for seemingly losing the plot.

[Ruth] “Still it broke the curse. I’m going to answer it from now on”

David thinks the nasty bloke won’t try it again, as he won’t want his number to be traced.

[David] “That bloke has watched too many gangster movies”

Oliver delighted to be silaging

[Oliver] “Back to driving a tractor … how will our backs cope!”

Ruth though Oliver certainly looked more at home on the tractor, than at Grey Gables.


The price of bread is over £2

Good lord!

That was special organic bread Lynda bought from the market, but nae need at all!


Boycott of Alice’s stall?

Alice mentioned to Lynda that her stall has been quiet (she’s selling fruit and venison from Home Farm).

Lynda gave the opinion that the stall was out of kilter with the now perception of Home Farm. Super Dairy does not equal local produce.

[Alice] “So take it up with my dad, not me!”

[Lynda] “I’m only saying people aren’t stupid”

(once Lynda has gone)

[Alice] “It’s funny how you can go off people …”

As Alice (and Amy, who has finally got out of bed) pack up, Alice does wonder if Lynda’s right. She’s hardly sold anything. Amy reckons it’s just folks cutting back – why buy a punnet of strawberries from a market if you can get 2 for 1 at a supermarket?


Is David going mad?

David calls Ruth in a panic.

[Ruth] “I don’t understand what the problem is”

[David] “It’s the newspaper on the tractor seat”

[Ruth] “A copy of The Echo, yeah you said. So, they’re often is”

[David] “That’s the whole point Ruth. It wasn’t here before”

[Ruth] “And you don’t think it’s Oliver’s or Eddie’s?”

[David] “No. I’m sorry. Look, it’s not the most recent one … it has been carefully folded over to reveal the headline about the assault on Adam … and this has happened in the last few minutes Ruth while I was getting my drink … someone has placed it here”

[Ruth] “This is horrible”

[David] “We’re going to have to be careful”

When Ruth suggests that she should check their recycling to see if their copy has gone:

[David] “Oh, so it’s walked on its own to the tractor seat!”

[Ruth] “Okay, so we phone the police”

David doesn’t want to. He thinks they will be wasting their time. And that it’s not direct intimidation anyway, so there’s nothing the Police could do.

[Ruth] “Someone was watching you David, waiting to do this”

[David] “And he was trying to spook me”

[Ruth] “Well not just spook you, warn you”

I’m with Ruth. They should call the Police, pronto.

Mr Penguin leaves Ambridge 17.05.12

The Archers Thursday 17th May 2012

• The Ambridge Beast is grubbing Ed’s pastures?
• Joe’s not the eldest elder statesman
• Answers do come in Church
• Bye bye, Mr Penguin

The Ambridge Beast is grubbing Ed’s pastures?

[Joe] “So George believes in Lynda Snells' monster then, does he?”

[Ed] “Yeah, along with the tooth fairy and the troll under the bride ... he's been drawing picture, running around growling, scaring Keira”

[Joe] “You’re supposed to have a fertile imagination at that age. Can't the same for the Snell woman ... she's off her rocker”

Ed then gets distracted. He can see his pasture has been grubbed again.

Joe reckons it could be a pig (as Ed reckons). Though he’s also guessing it could be a wild boar. Or even the Ambridge beast.

[Joe] “Ring your brother. he might have seen summit”

Ed’s (understandably) not keen to call Will. But, he is the chap to talk to about what might be wandering about the estate. So he does. But Will hasn’t seen anything.

[Joe] “It could still be wild boar then. You ants to be careful Ed, they can be vicious animals. Remember when your dad was attacked?”

[Ed] “Yeah, so he says”

[Joe] “What, don’t you believe him? Hey Clarrie, you tell the lad, Eddie was attacked by a wild boar?”

[Clarrie] “Oh,. I remember summit. You know Eddie though”

[Ed] “Well, whatever it was, it's wrecking my pasture” 

[Ed] “I'll keep my eye out for the rampaging boars”

Joe’s not the eldest elder statesman

Joe’s heard that Lynda needs someone to cut the giant jubilee cake.

[Joe] “An elder statesman. Who do you reckon that sounds like then?”

[Ed] “I don’t know, Oliver?”

[Joe] “I was walking the fields round here when the Queen’s grandfather was on the throne. I’ve been dropping a few hints to Clarrie, subtle like ...”

As Clarrie talks Nic through baking some of the sponges for the giant cake:

[Nic] “I can just see me turning up with some burnt stodgy brick thing”

Clarrie talks about how “subtle” Joe’s been:

[Clarrie] “He ain't stopped banging on. You’d think he was getting knighted or something”

Later on:

[Clarrie, back from the village shop] “Now Joe, I've got some bad new I’m afraid”

[Joe] “What do say that ain’t got no humbugs”

[Clarrie] “Mr Pullen's going to do it”

[Joe] “WHAT! Pullen!”

[Clarrie] “Well he is the oldest person in the village. He's 96”

(did Clarrie say 96? I though Bob was 99)

[Joe] “I thought they wanted elder not eldest. I thought they was looking for someone dignified, with a bit of gravitas ... what happens if he gets caught short ... decisions made behind closed doors”

[Clarrie] “It's the women's institute!”

[Joe] “Exactly, a discriminatory organisation”

Joe thinks all the ‘elder’ names should have gone into a hat for a fair, random draw.

Though I suspect he still would have claimed foul play if he still hadn’t won.


Answers do come in Church

Usha interrupts Alan as he’s praying in Church. She makes him sit down with her. And asks him to stop being angry with her.

[Usha] “I understand why you;re upset, but you can't keep taking it out on me ... I’m not the enemy here, but at the moment it's two against one”

[Alan] “I don’t know hat you expect me to do. I’m trying to pick up the pieces. Amy's the one who's been hurt here, don’t blame me for the way she feels about you”

[Usha] “Well don’t blame me either Alan. I've said I’m sorry. I’ve admitted I handled things badly … It's been really hurtful, but I don’t think you’ve even noticed ... in your heart, you think she's right. You don't kiss me good night anymore”

[Alan] “I didn’t realise. I haven't been thinking. I suppose I’ve been so engrossed with Amy, it’s so hard to see her going through this, she's my little girl, all I want to do is take that pain away … I’m angry, but I should have taken it out on you”

[Usha] “I just want us to deal with it together. I ;love you Alan, and I love Amy,. Please don’t shut me out”

Later on, as they leave the Church, they sound reconciled and relaxed with each other.

[Alan] “Some vicar I am. I’m meat to be giving marriage classes tonight. I don’t feel very qualified right now”

[Usha] “I know she's heartbroken, but it goes deeper than that. It's about her mum?”

Alan reckons so. Amy really has no-one to trust but Alan.

Where does that leave Usha? On the outside.


Bye bye, Mr Penguin

Nic has been doing some clearing out, taking the unwanted and unused to the charity shop.

Mia wants to help.

[Mia] “It's to go in the bags. For the poor people”

Mia puts in some books, and Mr Penguin.

[Mia] “I know, but I don’t need him anymore. I’m a big girl now … Bye bye Mr penguin”

Nic sounded quite upset. Her wee girl must be growing up.

Hope Mr Penguin finds another nice little young ‘un to spend retirement with.

Blood’s thicker than marriage 09.05.12

The Archers Wednesday 9th May 2012

• Well hello Keith Horrobin!
• Ruth’s not happy with Pat
• Pat and Ruth lose their cojones
• Usha gets the cold shoulder
• Keith’s business isn’t doing well
• The Ambridge Beast is seen again!
• Susan mentions the white elephant

Well hello Keith Horrobin!

Has Keith Horrobin ever spoken in Ambridge before?

He certainly did tonight. Right old chatterbox was Keith.

Keith turned up at Bert’s (well, Tracey’s). He was surprised to see how much work had to be done to the house.

[Keith] “What a difference a coat of paint makes, eh!”

Tracey gloated about all the changes, and how Neil had done all of the work.

[Tracey] “Susan picked a good ‘un there”

Though Keith wasn’t just round to admire Neil’s paintwork. He was there to tell Tracey about some good family news. His Samantha is getting married to Ash.

Hurrah! A Horrobin wedding.

Though Samantha and Ash had a “rough patch” last year, they’ve made up and have decided to make themselves proper. They also want Tracey’s Chelsea to be a bridesmaid – which is seemingly Chelsea’s “number one ambition”.


Ruth’s not happy with Pat

Well, technically she’s not happy with Tom for asking Pip to run the Gourmet Burger van.

[Ruth] “I appreciate he needs the help. I just wish he’d found someone else”

Pat could only apologise. But must be secretly pleased that Bridge Farm has another helping hand.

Is Pip still going to do the milking?


Pat and Ruth lose their cojones

Ruth wasn’t just round to have a go at Pat because of Tom.

Ruth and Pat had a meeting with Hattie Marshall (of Borchester Against Factory Farming).

The news isn’t that good. Hattie thinks that although they could appeal against the Super Dairy being given planning permission, the appeal would cost them. And they’d likely lose.

But, Hattie thinks that there’s more than one way to stop a Super Dairy. She thinks the next step would be to put “real” pressure on BL:

[Hattie] “Make it more trouble that it’s worth”

So, that means (in Hattie’s mind) picketing the Mart again. Try and force business to go elsewhere, while getting publicity.

Ruth isn’t so sure. She’s mainly thinking of the impact it’d have on David as NFU Chair. He’s supposed to remain neutral.

[Hattie] “This has got to be a matter of individual conscience … but there’s a big principle at stake here”

So, Hattie suggests a boycott of all Home Farm produce. Which would largely mean their soft fruit and venison. Which is Adam’s side of the business. And Adam, as we all know, is already against the Super Dairy.

[Pat] “I don’t feel comfortable with a boycott that hits someone that’s opposed to the boycott anyway”

[Hattie, getting frustrated] “I’m beginning to sense that neither of you have the stomach to carry on”

She’s quite right. Pat and Ruth tell her that they think they’ve already lost. Nothing more to be done.

[Hattie] “There are plenty of people who are appalled that the Council has capitulated to BL”

So although Pat and Ruth have given up, Hattie is very much full steam ahead …

… hmmm. The protest against the Super Dairy being led by a non-local.

That’ll be interesting.


Usha gets the cold shoulder

Usha calls Ruth, very upset.

Amy’s still not come home from Alice’s. And Alan is “out of his mind” with worry. But he won’t talk to Usha as he thinks Amy not being at home is Usha’s fault (for not telling Amy that Carl was married. If he is).

When Ruth later meets up with Usha, she finds Usha annoyed at herself for having “procrastinated”.

[Usha] “That’s the worst thing. He’s absolutely wretched … he can’t talk to me about it … He so desperately wants her to come home. And because of me she won’t … for so many years it was Alan and Amy against the world … and now, I’m on the outside again”

Keith’s business isn’t doing well

Does Keith run a garage? Car showroom?

Seems he does. He was saying that he hasn’t sold anything in a fortnight, so is surviving on MOTs and maintenance.

‘Tis tough out there indeed.


The Ambridge Beast is seen again!

And nearly rear ended another car when it braked suddenly as “the beast” ran across the road.

[Keith] “Biggish, brownish”

Seems Jazzer has also had a “beast” experience.

[Susan] “Seen what he describes as a great hairy mutant disappearing into the morning mist”

[Keith] “Probably was Lynda Snell”

Ouch!

So, what do we reckon “the beast” is?

An escaped zoo animal? A (very) large lurcher?


Susan mentions the white elephant

Talking about Keith’s Samantha getting married, Susan wonders when Ed and Emma will do the deed.

[Keith] “At least Emma’s a Grundy already”

Oh-ho!

Ian, Adam, Brian and a hot tub 08.05.12

The Archers Tuesday 8th May 2012

• Usha’s on voicemail
• Tom propositions Pip
• The Ambridge Beast lives?
• Adam’s still got a sense of humour
• Brian shows he cares
• “There’s a pizza in the aga”
• Adam once played the recorder
• They caught ‘em!
• Josh and Phoebe

Usha’s on voicemail

Ruth can’t get through to Usha as her mobile is straight to voicemail.

Usha must still be upset that Amy and Alan are still upset with her.

Probably a good thing Ruth can’t get through to Usha. She already said to David ‘I told her so’ …


Tom propositions Pip

Pip’s knackered.

She’s up early 2 days a week to do the milking at Bridge Farm. She’s got College. And (due to both of the aforementioned) she has next to no social life.

Ruth’s telling her to make sure she doesn’t take on any more milking.

Then Tom calls round later. He’s after something.

Though Pip gets in first to say that she won’t do any more milking (despite milk yields having gone up since she stared at Bridge Farm). But, that’s not what’s Tom wants from Pip …

[Tom] “Not to put too fine a point on it, I’m hoping you can save my relationship with Brenda”

Ah – he wants her for Gourmet Grills.

Tom tells her about the (profitable) disaster the other day.

[Tom] “The sausages burnt, the punters turned mutinous, the computer crashed and Brenda threatened to kill me”

Tom admits he was the problem, but only because of Tony not being able to cope with said computer. He’s realised he can’t have days away from Bridge Farm (only after Tony had a heart attack from being left alone to do most of the work in the first place).

But oddly for Tom, he hasn’t considered that money might be Pip’s main motivation. She already has her food hygiene certificate. Experience from working at Lower Loxley. And, after working at Lower Loxley, she knows what it’s like to earn only minimum wage. She’s not keen to go there again.

(Seriously? Her aunt Elizabeth only paid her minimum?)

[Pip] “So, if you’re prepared to make me a reasonable offer, I’m prepared to consider it”

Pip rightly foretold that Ruth would throw a wobbler about her doing the burger van shifts. But who is she to stand in the way of Pip becoming a mini-Tom …

[Pip] “Although it is kind of ironic … after I said early morning milking was better than flipping burgers!”

The Ambridge Beast lives?

[Ian] “Words got round, so now everybody’s seeing things. Astonishing how contagious delusion can be”

Seems Jim thinks he’s seen the beast away. This time on the way back from Jaxx …

[Ian] “Suddenly this thing rushes across the road in front of him”

[Adam] “Bet it was a muntjac”

[Ian] “He said it was more on the lines of a minotaur … rather on the hairy side”

[Adam] “He’d definitely been on the sauce”

Adam’s still got a sense of humour

Particularly when it comes to Brian.

As Adam and Ian enjoy some quality time in the hot tub (Adam’s doing fine. Bored, with   a nasty bruise, and a bit of a bad memory, but at least alive), Brian calls round.

Adam is particularly delighted. He knows Brian will be none too comfortable (it’s his own fault).

[Brian] “I’d been ringing the front door. I didn’t realise you were, um …”

Funnily enough, Brian refuses to join them … though does say yes to Ian’s scones.


Brian shows he cares

Or at least he tries to, in how own way. He tells Adam that Jennifer was worried about him. As he was. *ahem* Brian even sticks around to chat.

[Brian] “So, what are you going to do with all this enforced leisure?”

[Ian] “He’s conducting an in-depth investigation into the delights of daytime television”

[Adam] “There’s a whole world out there, Brian, you have no idea … I learned this morning how to bake the perfect Victoria sponge”

After chit chatting over scones, Brian then makes his big reveal.

He’s got tickets for Adam to see England play the West Indies in a few weeks.

And what’s more, Brian assumed that Adam wouldn’t want to take him. He reckoned Brian would want to go with “a friend”.

“A friend”

By which Brian meant Ian.

*sigh*

I can see why Adam and Ian were winding Brian up earlier on.


“There’s a pizza in the aga”

On yersel Ruth!

Though she has also done salad. But chances of Josh and Ben just picking the bacon bits out of the salad is, according to Pip, quite high.


Adam once played the recorder

In the carol concert.


They caught ‘em!

David also pops round to see Adam. He’s got good news – the Police have caught and charged the men who attacked Adam.

[Brian] “Well done the boys in blue”

[David] “I heard they were part of a fairly big crime ring”

Phew! Tome to step down, Farm Watch.


Josh and Phoebe

Still. By Facebook and Skype.

[Pip] “It must be love”

The Beast of Ambridge? 03.05.12

The Archers Thursday 3rd May 2012

• Squirrel, cheetah, lioness, hedgehog, fox … or beast?
• Jolene’s in a mood with Lynda
• Usha and Ruth/Amy and Carl
• Pip’s Bridge Farm headed?
• Why is Ruth living life vicariously?
• David’s fine, by the way
• Amy wants Carl 24/7

Squirrel, cheetah, lioness, hedgehog, fox … or beast?

Jim and Lynda have made up after their run in yesterday over the theme if the village fete (I actually thought it wasn’t very heated).

[Jim] “Spots versus the arts. It’s an interesting debate”

They’re re-bonding by taking Scruff out for a walk.

[Jim] “He’s an inquisitive boy, isn’t he?”

[Lynda] “That’s because he’s intelligent”

Scruff suddenly runs off and starts barking. Lynda reckons it might just be a squirrel.

(Squirrel! http://youtu.be/OxYYPziLdR4)

Lynda has to go and get Scruff:

[Lynda] “Do you think Scruff has found a particularly large squirrel?”

When she gets to him, she sounds quite shocked. Scruff also starts whimpering rather than barking.

(for a moment, I thought they’d found a dead body. Very common thing for dog walkers to do)

When Lynda (and Scruff) gets back to Jim, she’s very upset.

[Lynda] “I caught sight of something running off … but I tell you this Jim, it was bigger than a squirrel!”

What could be bigger than a squirrel, Lynda?

[Lynda] “I’m telling you Jim, it was a big cat … it was the size of a cheetah, or perhaps a small lioness”

[Jim] “And what would a cheetah, or perhaps a small lioness, be doing in Haydan Wood, this isn’t the African veld!”

[Lynda] “I don’t know. Maybe it’s escaped”

[Jim] “Where from? Manorfield Close!?!”

[Lynda] “People do keep exotic pets illegally you know”

[Jim] “In Ambridge?”

[Lynda] “In Borchestershire!”

Jim’s not convinced. Though we all heard of the ‘big cat’ or local beast stories, he thinks there’s no proper evidence behind them.

[Jim] “We like to believe in monsters. It’s an age old human desire”

Jim then went on to say that if wolves and bears were reintroduced to the UK, that the big cat sightings would stop.

(odd reasoning, but I see his point)

He thinks Lynda has just seen a large fox.

[Jim] “Well perhaps they’re getting bigger, we are. Perhaps it was an obese urban fox come for a rest cure with its rural cousins … perhaps it was a very nasty fox. They don’t have a very good reputation in fairy stories”

He also wonders why, if it was a big cat/beast, why it didn’t roar.

[Lynda] “I thought I heard some snuffling”

[Jim] “Mystery solved. Must have been a giant hedgehog. Even the little ones sound asthmatic … I’d be scared of a giant hedgehog!”

[Lynda] “You won’t change my mind,. Ambridge has its own big cat. I’m sure of it”

Wasn’t there talk of an Ambridge Beast back in the 80s?

I’d also though there was one back in 2010 when there was avian slaughter in the churchyard (turned out to be the Peregrines).

Anyhoo – it’s back!


Jolene’s in a mood with Lynda

Which isn’t really fair. She should only be in a mood with James and Leonie.

After all the effort Jolene went to training her regulars to make the bulls horn for James and Leonie’s flyover, the book is no longer going to be published. Because James and Leonie have split up.

Which is hardly any of Lynda’s doing.

[Lynda] “It’s guilt by association”

Anyhoo, all might be well. Jim thinks they could use Jolene’s bull horns as part of the Olympic/Village fete celebrations.


Usha and Ruth/Amy and Carl

As Usha chews Ruth’s ear about her worries over Amy and Carl, Amy and Carl are off having a rather fine time in Bristol.

Usha thinks Amy can’t know about Carl being married (if he is) as she was the one who wanted the impromptu holiday.

[Ruth] “If people trust you they believe you. I’m afraid it’s really easy to lie to them …Has he genuinely fallen for Amy or is he just stringing her along?”

[Usha] “How can I possibly tell? He’s just a brilliant liar”

Over with Amy and Carl, carl’s counselling that they should enjoy the moment:

[Carl] “Not until tomorrow morning. Let’s seize the day”

(he says that sort of thing a lot. Like they have to enjoy what they have before it all falls apart …)

Over to Usha and Ruth:

[Usha] “It’s awful, It makes me feel like I’m his accomplice, keeping his secret for him”

What’s more, all of this has happened when Usha and Amy were becoming close.

[Usha] “These last twelve months, Amy has really felt like my daughter”

Ever the practical Ruth:

[Ruth] “You know what you can do now, tell Amy, or Alan, as soon as you can”

Quite right. Either which way, Usha can at least stop torturing herself.


Pip’s Bridge Farm headed?

Well, she’s certainly becoming a fixture.

Wonder if Pip will become part of Tim’s Empire rather than having to fight Josh (and possibly Ben) for a spot at Brookfield.


Why is Ruth living life vicariously?

[Ruth] “I do love having a daughter to I can live through it all again. All of the pleasure, none of the pain”

Life a bit dull, Ruth?

But true enough that Pip seems to be doing well in work, and in love.


David’s fine, by the way

Though obviously obsessed by Carl and Amy, Usha remembers to ask if David is okay after having found Adam (nearly as he’d once found Nigel).

Ruth says he’s fine. It’d been her panicking.


Amy wants Carl 24/7

As Carl is wishing every day could be like the day they’re having together in Bristol, Amy drops a whopper.

She asks if she should move in. So that every day could be like this.

[Amy] “Wake up together, have breakfast together … we could do that every day …I just want to be with you. All the time. And I know you want that too”

Oh ‘eck!

We didn’t get to hear carl’s response, but wonder what his wife will say (if Usha is right that he has one).

17th March 2010

• How much?!?!?
• Knowing you were thinking of us
• The bird on the rampage

How much?!?!?

1.6 million from Matt – 3.5 million from Chalkman.

And there was me thinking a couple of hundred pounds bad debt from one of my client’s was painful.

As Paul succinctly put it:

“gosh”

Knowing you were thinking of us

Note that Lilian said ‘us’, not ‘me’

And later on, Lilian said ‘day’ not ‘date’

I think Paul may be keen, but am not getting the ‘take me now’ vibes from Lilian.

Good.


Bird on the rampage

Turns out to be a Peregrine.

A quick look at the RSPB website shows that it’s not a favourite for gamekeepers.

Will goes to jail because of a bird?!?

And talking of feminine rampages – is it just me, or is Hayley being a bit too sensitive?

It must be tough for all, but doesn’t she need to accept that mums who aren’t near their children will be a bit over the top?

“hope it’s another 3 years”

I wouldn’t be so sure Hayley. The way this is progressing, I think there might be a more permanent return …