Phoebe leaves for Ambridge: Tues 31.07.12

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 31st July 2012

• Did Kate really have to go off?
• It wasn’t a gun
• Kate dumps Johan, Johan isn’t bothered
• What’s Phoebe ever done to God?
• Delia has a word
• Kate’s apology falls flat
• Lucas forgives
• Phoebe doesn’t want to say goodbye

Did Kate really have to go off?

As Phoebe’s getting ready to leave for the airport, and just as Delia and Michael arrive, Kate heads out.

[Delia] “What’s the matter with the girl, her daughter’s about to fly back to England …”

Kate did have important stuff to do, but surely it could have waited!


It wasn’t a gun

And seems he wasn’t actually a bad taxi man after all.

Lucas reckons the taxi driver was just scared. He didn’t have a gun, and he was genuinely driving an odd route to avoid bad traffic.

Poor man.


Kate dumps Johan, Johan isn’t bothered

Kate left Phoebe, just as Phoebe was getting ready to leave South Africa, to go and see Johan.

For goodness sake!

Even Johan thought that was a bit odd.

[Johan] “I wasn’t expecting to see you today. Your little girl’s going home, ya?”

Kate starts to sound like she’s leaving Lucas for him …

[Johan] “Get real .. My life is not set up for kids and doing the 9 to 5, I thought we were just having a bit of fun here. Can’t we just carry on?”

[Kate] “No, we can’t. You're right it’s not fun anymore.”

Kate ends “it”. There and then. She reckons it should have never started in the first place.

Johan concurs.

[Kate] “You’re not upset?”

[Johan] “Of course, but these things run their course … these things get a bit too complicated.”

Realising that Johan never gave a hoot for her, Kate starts crying.

[Johan] “We had a good time while it lasted.”

Kate then tells Johan she’s also quitting College.

[Kate] “I almost lost my husband and my daughter because of what we did. I can’t ever see you again.”

Well now.

Was Kate about to stay if Johan wanted her?

Or did she intend to dump him and her work from the off?

Either which way, what a bizarre thing to do when your daughter is leaving!


What’s Phoebe ever done to God?

[Desmond Tutu via Delia] “Remember, you don’t choose your family, they are god’s gift to you.”

My word, Phoebe must have done something horrific to make God gift her a Kate!


Delia has a word

Delia takes Kate aside to tell her that she has a very special girl for a daughter.

[Delia] “You’re lucky her father and stepmother brought her up so well.”

(meow!)

Delia gives Kate a bit of a lecture about, though she doesn’t know the ins and out between Kate and Lucas, how being a mother means having to give everything up for her family. Sometimes.

[Kate] “You’re right. You don’t know anything at all!”

(double meow!)


Kate’s apology falls flat

[Kate] “Look, Phoebe, I want to apologise … I just want you to understand, whatever terrible things I've done, none of it, absolutely none of it, has anything to do with how I feel about you … I don’t want to part like this, I’m still your mum, I know I don’t always live up to your expectations …”

[Phoebe] “You can say that again!”

[Kate] “Well, what do you want me to say? I am trying to be better.”

[Phoebe] “It’s not about what you say … don’t you get it mum, you always think you can talk your way out of things, well it’s not good enough this time … try doing the right thing for once.”

Kate was about to start telling Phoebe about why she went out with Johan (good lord – does that woman have no sense?) when, thankfully, Lucas interrupts them.

[Lucas] “You just can’t stop doing it, can you … you can’t make her forgive you.”

 
Lucas forgives

Kate tells Lucas that he was right about Durban. That it’s a great career opportunity. And a better lifestyle.

[Kate] “All I want now is for you, me and the children to be together, It shouldn’t have taken for this to have happened for me to realise that.”

[Lucas] “I could have listened. More. Much more.”

Kate demands that he must forgive her if they can hope to carry on.

Eh?

Now, I know Lucas seemed to be a bit of a bully when we first visited with him and Kate in South Africa – but how much can anyone really listen to Kate without going mad?

And the cheeky madam is only now saying that she wants Lucas, Durban and her kids because Johan’s not interested.

On their way to the airport, Phoebe asks Lucas if he’s going to stay with Kate.

[Lucas] “I don’t know. She says she wants to come to Durban, though.”

[Phoebe] “But it's not that simple?”

[Lucas] “No.”

[Phoebe] “Look, I know my mum’s rubbish, She gets stuff in her head and then that’s it, she doesn’t think, she gets carried away, and I know what she did was really bad, but that’s what’s great about her too … In your heart, do you think you can give her a second chance?”

[Lucas] “Yes Phoebe, I think I can.”

Well, more fool him.


Phoebe doesn’t want to say goodbye

Quite literally.

She won’t let Kate come to the airport to say goodbye to her.

[Phoebe] “I don’t want you to.”

[Kate] “I know I'm not the best mum in the world Phoebe, but I do love you, you know that, don’t you?”

[Phoebe] “I know.”

Ouch.

No ‘I love you too mum’ back.

And that’s how they left it.

Ach well. Kate will have forgotten about Phoebe again in a matter of days.

Vicky’s pregnant! Oh blimey: Fri 27.07.12

The Archers Friday 27th July 2012

• Adam makes a decision, Ian shouts!
• Brenda says sorry
• Vicky is far from menopausal …
• Brenda’s surprising reaction
• Jazzer’s determined
• What a drama over performance art
• Shula’s poached Freddie
• Phoebe’s fine, so Lucas can’t be dead?

Adam makes a decision, Ian shouts!

We started tonight’s eavesdropping episode with Brian having to do something Brian doesn’t like to do.

Beg.

[Brian] “You’re obviously take it to the wire … please call me.”

Ian’s also trying to hunt down Adam. He wants to see if Adam has made his mind up, and also to know when he’ll be talking to Brian.

Ian calls Adam to check if made mind up and when talking to Brian. But also doesn’t get to speak to him.

Adam eventually turns up at Brian’s, quite late in the day.

Before he can say anything, Brian starts nagging.

[Brian] “Please don’t take this the wrong way …”

BUT a passing mention of “bedraggled” looking calves. And a fence that needs to be fixed.

[Brian, pompously] “I hope you don’t mind me reminding you.”

[Adam, sarcastically] “It’s nice of you to take an interest.”

And Brian keeps on. About how he supposes Adam isn’t up to much, but as he’s waiting for the harvest to start, he supposes it’s easy for Adam to slip  up …

[Adam] “Brian, for goodness sake, what do you think I’ve been doing all day. Sitting in the tractor shed reading brochures from machinery companies? You may remember my telling you that fencing wasn’t just the sort you can patch!”

Actually, Brian. Adam had to wait for a specialist supplier. And he’s late tonight as he was out there fixing it, with Jeff.

[Brian, not remotely humbled] “I knew you’d be on the case.”

[Adam] “But you thought you’d just pick me up on it … Well don’t worry, as it happens it makes things easier … I’m here in response to your ultimatum … I thought this might be a difficult conversation, but do you know what, it won’t be difficult at all.”

I think we all knew what was coming next …

… actually, I certainly didn’t.

Adam had told Brian ‘no’. But Ian’s reaction was not what we’ve come to expect of our lovely Mr Craig.

[Ian] “So have you made up your mind?”

[Adam] “I’ve just been to see Brian. I’ve told him, I won’t be working on the new crops for the new dairy … I’m out of the arable at home farm. I think he was shocked to be honest.”

[Ian] “He was shocked!”

[Adam] “Didn’t think I had the nerve!”

[Ian] “Adam, so you’re telling me that you’ve made up your mind and committed yourself to something that’s going to change our lives completely … without a single word to me … well thanks, did you give me a second thought?”

[Adam] “Well. I thought you knew how I felt.”

[Ian] “Well whether I did or not, why didn’t you talk it through with me first?”

[Adam] “Well I’ve done it now!”

[Ian] “Great, and we’ve both got to live with the consequences.”

Oops.

Trouble in paradise.


Brenda says sorry

What, what, what???

Brenda apologising?

Well, I never.

[Brenda] “Vicky, I’m sorry. I went too far and I really didn’t mean to … I don’t think I’ve been very fair on you recently. What I said about mum. It just slipped out. I honestly didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

Vicky tells her the dress has gone back to the shop.

[Vicky] “You were probably right anyway. Never mind about the dress …”

Indeed. Vicky has other thoughts on her mind. Rather stunning news, actually.


Vicky is far from menopausal …

[Vicky] “I’ve some news, and it’s left me a bit stunned.”

(told you!)

[Vicky] “I’ve had a big shock Brenda. How I’m going to break the news to Mike, I’ve got no idea.”

She’s pregnant! Which wasn’t remotely planned.

[Vicky] “I thought I was well passed all that.”

[Brenda] “How do you feel about that?”

[Vicky] “Oh Brenda. There’s a little tiny bit of me that’s so excited I can’t tell you, but then, I just feel numb really. I don’t know what to think.”

[Brenda] “Well it’s a shock. When you going to tell dad?”

Vicky’s decided to wait until he gets back from his woodland course. Better face to face.

[Vicky] “What a welcome home … I just don’t know how he’s going to react Brenda, I can’t imagine he’ll jump for joy … There’s no way I could cope on me own with a little one, that I’m sure of … I’m going to have to …”

[Brenda] “You can’t!”

[Vicky] “I can’t even bear the thought of it … I don’t see I’ll have any choice. Mike’s done all of that, he’s got you and Roy, he’s over 60 … it all adds up against me, don’t you think?”

[Brenda] “Vicky, you haven’t even spoken to him yet.”

Brenda’s right. Vicky needs to talk to Mike before jumping to any conclusions about what’s next.

[Brenda] “What a shock, eh!”

[Vicky] “Brenda, thank you,. I’m so glad you called when you did.”

[Brenda] “Vicky, if it was just you, if you didn’t have to worry about dad’s reaction … how would you feel then?”

[Vicky] “I wanted a baby so much when I was younger … my little baby. You gotta promise me one thing though …”

And Brenda does. She promises not to say a word.

Phew! My. Giddy. Aunt.

I’d first guessed Vicky was pregnant, but fell for the red herring of her ‘just’ being menopausal.

What a turn up! I’d hope Mike will be his usual fair self … once he calms down, and after a few pints.


Brenda’s surprising reaction

I was obliviously taken aback by Vicky announcement.

But it was a tad overshadowed by Brenda’s reaction.

I’d predicted Brenda would do her nut if Vicky was pregnant.

But, she was the exact opposite.

Brenda was caring. She listened. And she gave Vicky comfort.

What, what, what???

I might even start to not despise her …


Jazzer’s determined

And once he’s made his mind up …

Jolene was telling Kenton that Jazzer’s doing “intense lobbying” to get time off from work. Mike’s so far holding firm.

[Kenton] “Well, my money’s on the Scotsman.”

As Jolene said, Fallon will be furious if Jazzer succeeds. Her camper is so small, it does sound like three will be a rather intimate crowd.


What a drama over performance art

[Roy] “What on earth's going on out there? There’s someone doing Summer Fall on the church tower, and a heart broken woman sobbing on the village green.”

[Kenton] “Ah, well that’ll be the theatre group. Did you notice anyone trying to sabotage it?  It’ll only be a matter of time. Rumour has it the Octogenarians of the village have had enough.”

Ah – I’d wondered when the revolution, led by Jim, would begin. All because the performance art is not very Ambridge.

[Kenton] “It’s a creative exploration of creative communication between lost souls, apparently.”

Jolene isn’t finding it funny. She really has taken against the actors.

[Jolene] “I can’t imagine why anyone would be pleased to have them back in again.”

[Kenton] “Well it’s business.”

[Jolene] “That’s the sort of business we can do without. Last time they came in, they offended half the regulars.”

[Kenton] “Be fair though, the other half had a great time!”

Later on, Lynda isn’t a happy bunny. Something’s gone badly wrong.

[Kenton] “Something about Seth wanting to introduce some totally new scenes … so Lynda got involved, in spite herself.”

So the actors have decamped from disrespecting St. Stephen’s and the village green to The Bull. To discuss.

[Jolene] “Oh poor Lynda. Perhaps you should go and have a word with her … back her up a bit.”

Kenton didn’t go over, and it all got far worse for Lynda:

[Kenton] “I was right, the whole thing seems to have fallen apart. The production’s off, they’ve pulled the plug on it … the prat in the Cheesecloth, Seth, or whatever he calls himself. The Ambridge Renaissance has been postponed … Apparently there was a bit of subversion from our older villagers as well. Serious stuff. Loud conversations on the village green, laughter at inappropriate moments. Very tasteful but tasteful resistance.”

(Jolene’s snort of laughter at that was rather marvellous!)

[Jolene] “Poor Lynda. She thought it was marvellous.”

[Kenton] “I do feel guilty … I just can’t stand the pretentious twaddle you get from that lot! … Anyway, I’ve told her the whole village is looking forward to her other cultural stuff.”

Which seemingly cheered Lynda up a fair bit.

Jolene then chucked the actors out.

Performance art in Ambridge.

That was short lived, then.


Shula’s poached Freddie

The Fete games seem to be getting overtly competitive already:

[Roy] “Very controversial, Shula’s poached Freddie for the Stables team.”

[Kenton] “Ooh!”

But Elizabeth’s fine about it.

[Kenton] “All in the right spirit then.”

(hang on … isn’t Freddie not very well endowed in the sporting department? I thought he was only good at horses?)


Phoebe’s fine, so Lucas can’t be dead?

Kate called Roy to tell her what had happened to Phoebe (which was yesterday in Ambridge Extra. Or today. Or tomorrow. Who can tell!).

[Roy] “Some sort in incident in a taxi … my god, when I think about it … something about a taxi forever getting aggressive … she wasn’t hurt, thank goodness … she’s badly shaken though … now she can’t wait to get home … it’s Kate I blame, what was Phoebe doing on her own in a taxi in the first place?!?”

So, Phoebe’s coming home on Tuesday.

Roy is glad.

Question is  - did anyone get shot?

Or Kate just neglect to mention the use of firearms to Roy?

Lucas is shot?: Thurs 26.07.12

Ambridge Extra Thursday 26th July 2012

• It’s the same night as before
• It’s Lucas’ fault Kate had an affair
•  “I’m from a little village called Ambridge, In Borsetshire … don’t worry, nobody’s ever heard of it.”
• Taxi man – I really didn’t like that

It’s the same night as before

Very confusing.

It’s still Tuesday.

Though I suppose Tuesday could actually have been today.

And Hayley called, which happened in Ambridge on Friday 20th.

Brian freeze!


It’s Lucas’ fault Kate had an affair

Lucas makes Kate admit that her car was at the College when it was wrecked.

[Kate] “I remember now, I went over to pick up some course work, and then I went to Kimy’s.”

(what a rubbish liar Kate is. Surprising, considering the years of practise she has)

[Lucas] “It’s Johan isn’t it. Just admit it. That’s who you were with. It’s why you’re so against coming to Durban with me. You want to be with your lover … come on, at least do me the respect of telling me the truth!”

(they’re interrupted by Hayley calling. Which was actually last Friday. Hmmm)

When Kate gets off the phone from lying to Hayley (that Phoebe’s safe at home):

[Lucas] “Butter wouldn’t melt eh, well you convinced me.”

Kate accepts the inevitable and accepts that she has been cheating. But, she claims she doesn’t know how long it’s been going on (!!!). Lucas twigs that it must have been happening when Johan was at his parents’ house the other week.

[Lucas] “Was it some kind of thrill for you, like you were getting away with it?!?”

Lucas reckons he’s given everything to Kate. A home. Family. Taken her away from Britain, which she claims she hates.

[Kate] “What? you’ve given me!”

[Lucas] “Nothing’s ever good enough for you, is it?”

[Kate] “And what? I’m supposed to be grateful and obey?”

[Lucas] “You didn’t have to go off and screw somebody else!”

[Kate] “Can you blame me? It’s not like I get any affection from you. Well I don’t! Have you listened to yourself recently. All you care about is Durban and your work!”

Kate that claims she only ever thinks of her children. That she’s devoted to them (!). She also claims her work is of world importance.

[Lucas] “You’re such a hypocrite. The way you bang on.”

[Kate] “I’m making a difference.”

[Lucas] “Oh yes, you're a saint, not a spoilt little rich girl at all.”

[Kate] “My life revolves around you and the kids, I’m the one who’s got to fit in, You’ve got the whole family around you … my friends are your friends … I’m only telling you how I feel … Johan actually values who I am … for the first time I’m really achieving something, and he makes me believe in myself.”

Lucas asks what she was planning. Was she going to stay in Johannesburg? With the kids? And Johan?

[Kate] “I don’t know. I’ve never abandon them, I couldn’t do that again.”

Kate reckons it was just one quick fling.

[Lucas] “Did you ever think about us? It’s not as if Johan is the type to stick around … are you in love with him … or just the sex then?”

[Kate] “He was kind to me, that’s all. He was kind when you weren’t … I admit, I’ve been stupid and careless. You know what I’m like. But I never meant for any of this to happen.”

[Lucas] “But it has.”

So it has indeed.

So, Kate. On a flight. Back to Ambridge. Soon?

(*sigh* I’d far rather she stayed away)


“I’m from a little village called Ambridge, In Borsetshire … don’t worry, nobody’s ever heard of it.”

Sounds like Phoebe hasn’t been told about the secret microphones yet …


Taxi man – I really didn’t like that

We were worried about Phoebe getting into that taxi.

And we were quite right too.

Though the very dodgy taxi man was shocked when phoebe told him she was only 14, he went on to say:

[Taxi driver] “The boys in your class, they must like you … very pretty, very nice. Did you hear me? You are a beautiful young woman.”

Oh, that’s just creepy and ever (ever) so wrong.

He asks Phoebe where her parents are.

[Taxi driver] “Do they know you’re out on their own? It’s very dangerous.”

He then decides to drive her a “quicker” way to Mandisa’s house.

(horrible, horrible, horrible)

We later hear Kate answering the phone to Mandisa, who tells her that Phoebe hasn’t arrived.

Kate and Lucas realise something is amiss. Though Kate could have avoided all of this if she’d called Lucas about Phoebe storming off, rather than trying to get hold of Johan …

Phoebe then texts to say she is in trouble. Lucas takes control. He tells Kate to stay put, and keep texting with Kate, while she and he talk on the landline as he tries to find her.

Thank goodness for that! The Taxi driver was taking yet another wrong turn, this time away from a road blocked by the Police. He also tells Phoebe:

[Taxi driver] “I have protection … under my seat,. People know not to mess with me, or next thing, they’re in hospital.”

Oh sh*te.

Think we all guessed what’s coming next (not Phoebe though. She thought the taxi man was saying he had a baseball bat).

As Lucas tries to find Phoebe:

[Kate] “I’m so sorry, this is all my fault … I didn’t want to lose either of you.”

[Lucas] “Look that’s not important now!”

(quite right Lucas. Even when her daughter is in danger, Kate’s just Kate, Kate, Kate)

Phoebe’s text lead Lucas to him. As he runs across traffic to get to her, she manages to get out of the car.

[Taxi driver] “She tried to rob me!”

(what!)

We then hear everything from the secret microphone next to Kate. She’s still on and landline, and can hear Phoebe screaming, Lucas and the taxi driver shouting.

Then,

BANG

And the phone goes dead.

Phoebe wants Ambridge: Tues 24.07.12

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 24th July 2012

• Phoebe got away with being drunk
• What a rubbish lie from Kate
• Phoebe’s finally got the measure of Kate
• Kate’s moving, whether she likes it or not
• Phoebe gives Kate hell
• Now Lucas knows the truth
• Johan’s gone to ground
• Surely Phoebe will be okay?

Phoebe got away with being drunk

She’s only 14!

But Kate and Lucas were too busy arguing about Kate’s rather knackered car to take Phoebe to task.

Shocking!

(of them, not her)

Though Lucas has spotted that Phoebe might need a bit more discipline in her life, Kate’s preoccupied. As per.

[Kate] “I guess the hormones must have started kicking in.”

(well, yes. That. And her mum’s a floozy)


What a rubbish lie from Kate

One would be quite right in assuming Kate would be good at lying. Second nature, as it were.

But her excuse about the car being smashed was that she left it outside a friend’s house (in somewhere called Greenside), rather than outside the University. And she didn’t call the Police because she was scared.

[Lucas] “It’s so strange, thieves normally steal cars, not wreck them.”

Surely Kate is just trying to cover up for her daughter? Knowing Lucas can be a bit strict, she’s looking after Phoebe.

No.

Kate just doesn’t want Lucas to ask questions about what she was doing at the University, so late at night.


Phoebe’s finally got the measure of Kate

 [Phoebe] “Mandisa, I’m telling you, my mum’s nothing but a liar … How could she do it though, she’s gross … I mean, everything I thought I knew about her … when she left me when I was a baby, she always used to tell me how it was the hardest thing she ever did, about how she was young and confused, and things were really nasty with dad. But it’s not true, is it?”

Phoebe’s starting to realise that Kate thinks only of Kate. And she’ll leave Sipho and Nolly just as she left Phoebe.

[Phoebe] “She doesn’t care about anyone expect herself.”

Kate’s moving, whether she likes it or not

Lucas’ plan of attack to Kate refusing to move is to just get on with it. He’s made arrangements to rent their house, and even has Kate calling the moving people (despite herself).

[Lucas] “Kate, if you can just try and accept we’re moving, you might come to like the idea. … I don’t get it … there’s nothing you’re during here that you can’t do there.”

Hmmm.

Methinks Kate is only thinking about doing Johan.


Phoebe gives Kate hell

[Phoebe] “I don’t want to be anything like you … your pots are cack anyway … you could see anything laughing. (Michael) felt sorry for you.”

[Kate] “Did something happen last night?”

[Phoebe] “You should know, you were there … you were with him … just stop lying.”

Phoebe tells Kate that she has seen the emails from (and to) Johan. Kate claims that they were flirting, but that was all. And it’s personal. Phoebe tells her she knows that she was abandoned in the shopping centre because Kate was going to Johan not, as she claimed, her friend in the hospital.

[Phoebe] “You don’t care, you don’t care about any of us?”

[Kate] “Of course I care … It’s not about you.”

[Phoebe] “Hayley’s right … You’re nothing but selfish.”

[Kate] “Sometimes everybody slips up.”

[Phoebe] “No mum they don’t. Not everyone always has to put themselves first.”

[Kate] “Well I hope your relationships are so perfect … I’m sorry, I didn’t mean …”

[Phoebe] “I want to go home, to Ambridge.”

Phoebe tells Kate that it was she who’d wrecked her car.

[Phoebe] “So go on then, get mad., I was just doing whatever I liked …Don’t you get it, I don’t want you anywhere near me. You’re full of it!”

And Phoebe stormed off.


Now Lucas knows the truth

Michael told Lucas that Kate’s car was at the University. Not at her friends. He’d seen it there himself.

[Michael] “I noticed because she was parked next to Johan …I could be wrong, but I have eyes. I hear stories. And I know that man …I don’t want to accuse anybody, but I told him off.”

When Lucas later comes back home, he demands to know who Kate was just about to call.

Looks like eh penny has finally dropped for him, as well.


Johan’s gone to ground

He’s not answering Kate’s calls.

Sensible chap.


Surely Phoebe will be okay?

As Phoebe stormed off, Kate couldn’t follow her as their younger kids were inside.

But, it’s dark. Phoebe’s only 14. And she’s out alone (again).

But this time she’s looking for a taxi.

One draws up, and she tells him where she wants to go.

[Taxi driver] “Are you sure, I can take you anywhere.”

What do we do if a taxi driver says something like that?

We don’t. Get. In. The. Car.

But Phoebe does.

And that’s where we left her.

Oh dear.

Phoebe breaks some pots: Tues 17.07.12

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 17th July 2012

• Phoebe’s not happy with Kate
• Kate’s not for moving
• Kate’s overinflated vases
• Lucas thinks Phoebe should go home
• Kate doesn’t understand “compromise”

Phoebe’s not happy with Kate

She’s got her music too loud, snaps at Kate and doesn’t even want special pancakes! Also add sarcasm to that list.

[Phoebe] “So, any urgent emails for you this morning … is your friend Becky in trouble again?”

[Kate, not remotely getting the hint] “Phoebe, sweetheart, I thought we’d moved on from that … I’m always here for you … we’re mates, aren’t we? There’s no need for us to have any secrets.”

Ach Kate, you really are blind.


Kate’s not for moving

Phoebe’s suddenly decided that they should move to Durban. Wonder why this is … something to do with getting Kate away from Johan?

Lucas obviously wants to move. He’s ignoring Kate’s obvious displeasure, and today told her to pack. But she refused.

[Kate] “You can go on your own. I’m staying here with your kids.”

[Lucas] “I just don’t understand you. I don’t see how you can be so selfish and unreasonable!”

[Kate] “I’m selfish, I’m unreasonable? You should stop to look at yourself … perhaps you should go away and try a bit harder.”

Actually – has Lucas every really noticed who he married? Course Kate is selfish and unreasonable. Look either up in the dictionary, and it’ll refer you back to Kate Aldridge.

Obviously not.

Lucas seems to be under the impression that because Kate promised they’d concentrate on his career after she’d had her year at Felpersham Uni, she should stick to her word.

As if.

Kate’s promises always mean nothing.

[Kate] “You can’t drag this up now, it’s completely irrelevant.”

Later, Kate tells Delia, Michael and Phoebe that she’s not moving. Their horrified.

[Phoebe] “Yes, and I know why!”

Phoebe doesn’t tell everyone why, but storms off, breaking pottery as she goes, while shouting “I hate you”.

Maybe Phoebe should go home indeed.


Kate’s overinflated vases

The price Kate reckons they’re worth is just as overinflated as her ego!

She’s just beginning to make vases, and asked Delia to put them on her stall.

But they don’t sound very good. Michael certainly isn’t an admirer.

[Michael] “Is this a very big mug, or a small vase, or is it upside down?”

[Phoebe] “I think it might be a jug.”

[Michael] “With no handle?”

[Delia] “It’s a stoneware vase!”

[Phoebe] “Mum just doesn’t have the patience.”

Later on, Phoebe still hasn’t managed to sell Kate’s “vases”. She can’t even give them away as a free gift with one of Delia’s pieces.

[Phoebe] “Sorry, that’s tough, but that’s the market for you.”

But Michael, nice chap that he is, later decides he really likes one of Kate’s vases. And buys it. They hide it from Kate so that she then thinks she’s made a real sale.

She really doesn’t deserve them.


Lucas thinks Phoebe should go home

[Kate] “She’s just in a bit of a strip this morning. Teenage stuff.”

Lucas doesn’t get it.

Phoebe wanted to stay. Kate wanted her to stay as well. Now Phoebe’s going off with Delia rather than Kate, and is arguing with Kate.

He thinks she’d be better of heading home to Ambridge.

I concur.


Kate doesn’t understand “compromise”

Kate phones Jennifer, expecting Jennifer to support her point of view.

But, Jennifer can see that Lucas is trying to do the best for his family.

[Jennifer] “Can’t you try and reach a compromise?”

[Kate] “Oh, so you mean I should give up and do whatever he says?”

[Jennifer] “Oh darling, sharing your life with somebody is never easy. No matter how much you love each other … take it from me, I ought to know. There are times to make a stand, there are times when you just have to put your doubts side and do what’s best for your family. And this is one of these times.”

[Kate] “So, you’re on his side.”

Oh come on Kate! Compromise means both of you having to lose out, but also gain.

(mind you, there’s never a point to trying to reason with Kate?)

Lucas got the job: Tues 10.07.12

Ambridge Extra 10th July 2012

• Lucas’ mum, Delia
• Johan is a player
• Lucas is offered the job

Lucas’ mum, Delia

Sounds like a very sensible woman indeed.

She was having a chat to Lucas before his job interview. Though she encourages him to take his chance (if he’s offered it), so also tells him to “be considerate” and not to take things for granted.

By which she means Kate.

Sounds like advice which has come too late.


Johan is a player

Lucas’ dad Michael walked in on Johan at work, while he was “helping” a graduate student.

And Michael later told Delia that Johan has a bad reputation.

Oops. Nae luck there then, Kate.

Michael then invited Johan round to his and Delia’s for dinner. While Lucas and Kate are also there for dinner.

Johan hesitates, and calls Kate to see what she thinks.

[Kate] “No. No, please come ... they're trying to pressure me, it’d be good to have you there. Someone on my side. But please, please be careful.”

What numpties! Dangerous and incredibly disrespectful for Johan to eat at Lucas’ parents’ house. But would seem Johan has the same morals as Kate.

(i.e. none at all)

When Delia sees Johan:

[Delia] “Ah, so that's your Johan. now I understand!”

At dinner, Johan waxes lyrical about how marvellous Kate is. How she’s made such a difference to him in his work and the like.

Would seem Michael’s not a man to be underestimated.

As Johan is leaving, Michael shakes his hand while saying:

[Michael] “And Johan. Just a word before you go. Inspite of what happened tonight, Lucas and Kate are a very close couple ... forgive me if I’m speaking out of turn ... I may be getting old, but I’m not blind. Kate’s an attractive woman, and I noticed something unprofessional in the way you were looking at her tonight ... if you’ve any intentions of that kind, I would forget them now.”

[Johan] “I would never dream of compromising her in anyway ... so, can I have my hand back now?”

This isn’t going to be pretty when the truth is unveiled.


Lucas is offered the job

He and his parents were delighted, Kate left the room visibly upset.

If she’s upset at having to move away from Johan, she might want to take heed of the gossip about him first. He’s already onto the next woman!

Kate is up to adult naughtiness: Thurs 05/07/12

Ambridge Extra Thursday 5th July

• Lucas needs his suit
• Phoebe wants to stay
• At least Lucas is a good dad
• Lucas’ family adds to the pressure
• Kate + Johan = bad decision making

Lucas needs his suit

To be specific, his blue one.

[Lucas] “Kate, you could at least pretend you care.”

Difficult for Kate to do so. She is Kate, after all. So generally has no care for anyone who isn’t Kate.

And Lucas isn’t caring about what her thoughts are on him going for this new job, and possibly moving her and their family. So why should she care in turn? Especially when he only mentions his suit in the context of him wanting Kate to collect it from the drycleaners.


Phoebe wants to stay

So – Phoebe has a friend called Mandisa. Mandisa’s sister is going out with Milton. Milton is the chap who drove Phoebe home the other week. Phoebe, and Mandisa, fancy Milton. He’s seemingly “hot”, has a great car and has a rich dad.

Though Milton seems to see Phoebe just as a kid.

Milton tells Mandisa that he and his pals are going to go camping in August. Mandisa begs for herself and Phoebe to get to go with them. Even though it’s after Phoebe is booked to fly home.

[Mandisa] “So there’s only one answer, don’t go back to England, stay here for longer.”

At least Lucas is a good dad

Lucas certainly makes up for Kate being a rubbish mum (though the jury is out on whether Lucas is a bad ‘un, which shows up in the way he treats Kate – or if Kate has driven him to act like a bad ‘un because of the way she’s treated him).

While he’s away for the job interview, Kate also has to go into work. So she’s got Lucas’ mum looking after their young ‘uns, while Phoebe’s off out with her pals.

Only Lucas has concerns about Phoebe being out. Especially after what happened the other night:

[Lucas] “Right here, on our own doorstep.”

[Kate] “It was only a local boy, messing around.”

[Lucas] “She shouldn’t taking these risks … and if you don’t understand it either … undermining my authority whenever I try and warn her … it’s about keeping our kids safe and well, isn’t that what parents are supposed to do?”

Indeed they are.

But Kate does not concur. She reckons she’s trying to give Phoebe “space” to enjoy herself before she has to go back to Ambridge. Which is rubbish. This is about Kate wanting what Kate wants. And not giving a hoot about whether her ‘daughter’ is safe.

Typical Kate indeed.


Lucas’ family adds to the pressure

Kate bumps into Luca’s dad Michael while she’s at work in the University.

[Michael] “I’m wearing my wise old academic’s hat this afternoon.”

But down to business – Michael wants Kate to put herself to one side for Lucas’ career:

[Michael] “He’s too proud to complain, but his job here was getting him nowhere  ... he’s overqualified … he’ll have a chance to punch his full weight and make him so happy … I know you’ll support him.”

Hmmm. That sounded like Michael telling Kate what to do.

Oops.


Kate + Johan = bad decision making
As predicted, Kate gets up to naughtiness with her colleague. A bloke called Johan (Roux?)

[Johan] “Hey, you’re a marvel, a real wonder woman … has anyone ever told you that?”

[Kate] “No, not lately … What am I going to do. He just won’t listen to me … I can’t go away and leave all this … everything I care about. It’s been so hard, I’ve been so lonely.”

[Johan] “Kate, you deserve better than this.”

[Kate] “The whole family is against me. Pushing me into a corner.”

They kiss.

[Johan] “Does that help?”

[Kate] “This is wrong. I shouldn’t.”

[Johan] “Sometimes when I’m with you, I just want to be with you, to reach out and hold you … You are a brilliant, wonderful, wise, very beautiful young woman, any man would be so lucky to have you. Let me take care of you. I won’t let you down.”

[Kate] “Is this really happening … it’s just so strange for me.”

Just as they’re kissing again, Phoebe calls.

Kate tells Phoebe she’s busy, while Johan is pushing Kate to be quick so that they can get back to their petting.

Phoebe asks if she can stay an extra month.

[Kate] “Well, maybe … yes, yes, alright then, you can stay.”

Oh for pity sake!

I know we could all see that coming but there’s always hope that Kate won’t turn out to be as bad as we think Kate to be. Well, hope until Kate opens her mouth.

Hayley, Roy, Vicky, Mike, Jennifer, Brian … et al will be so pleased to hear of Kate’s carefully considered decision.

We’re in South Africa!: Ambridge Extra Tues 03.07.12

(amazed the BBC had the budget to send the secret microphones over there)

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 3rd July 2012

• Took me a whole to realise who was talking
• Lucas is a bad ‘un?
• It’s dangerous after dark
• Kate has a bit on the side?

Took me a whole to realise who was talking

[Kate] “Blueberry, pistachio then tooty fruity.”

[Phoebe] “Number’s three got to be chocolate chip, beats tooty fruity mum, you’re just so 20th century!”

It wasn’t until they mentioned Melville, then Johannesburg, that I worked out who was talking.

Hope they don’t keep up the habit of not mentioning each other by name when they talk near the hidden microphones. How would a new eavesdropper cope?


Lucas is a bad ‘un?

When Kate and Phoebe got in from their shopping and ice cream, the first thing Lucas says is:

[Lucas] “Well I could use a drink, if you’re standing there … wait, wait my watch, there on the side, can you bring it … no no, other wrist, And how about that drink, uh …”

What what what?!?!?

Not only did Lucas speak like that to Kate.

Kate actually did his bidding without complaint.

I’d almost believe her horrible behaviour back in Ambridge is due to being bullied at home.

That she’s always been like that is too established to believe otherwise.

BUT

For the first time ever, I did feel a twinge of something other than just pure fury towards Kate.

Lucas then tells Kate he wants them all to move to Durban. Seems he’s feels his career as a journalist has gone nowhere in the last ten years, so a move to Durban for a more senior job will be his last real chance. Has way through telling (no discussing or talking, mind):

[Lucas] “Hey. Get me another one of those and please, no ice this time.”

(and she does)

Though Kate makes mention of a new projects she’s just starting:

[Lucas] “You can work anywhere.”

(and a wee taste of the life Kate has been accustomed – they’d be able to get a full time nanny rather than ‘just’ a part time maid to look after the kids … hark then!)

Lucas wants the better job, a bigger house and more money. And it doesn’t matter if his family is settled. And that they already moved from Capetown to Johannesburg.

Sound like what Lucas wants, Lucas gets.

Even when Kate tells him their boy Sipho is ill, all Lucas can say is that he hopes he doesn’t get it.


It’s dangerous after dark

On her way out to meet her mates, Phoebe was waylaid by a rather dubious man. He thought she was a tourist at first. The get ever more ‘friendly’ when she told him she is a local.

[Rather dubious man] “… well okay, if you’re looking for a fun time, I know this really sick party tonight … some real action, you know what I’m saying … I can take you there now.”

Phoebe quite sensibly speeds off to her mates.

Later on, through one of Phoebe’s friends (Mervin) drives her home, Phoebe makes him stop early so she has to walk the last of it. In the dark.

That’s because she doesn’t think Lucas will be too please about her being late, in a ‘cool’ care, driven by a College aged chap.

[Phoebe] “Well, my stepdad, he’s quite strict you know. He can come on heavy sometimes.”

(she Lucas is a bad ‘un)

When Phoebe gets out of the car and starts walking, that rather dubious man is there again.

[Rather dubious man] “Well, well well. It’s the cute English lady, all out on her own again … why don’t you let me know after you.”

The rather dubious man mentioned somebody about how Phoebe should watch out for folks trying to steal her “turkeys” (I know it wasn’t turnkeys, but that’s what it sounded like. Phoebe also said it, and it still sounded like turkeys).

[Rather dubious man] “Smart girl eh, think she’s smarter than the rest of us. Smart girl, in a smart home in a smart neighbourhood …”

Phoebe gets her phone out to show him she’s calling her parents, but he wants to “take a look” at her phone.

Just as it looks like it’s about to turn nasty for Phoebe, Lucas comes out looking for her.

[Lucas] “I’m talking my daughter inside now!”

(the rather dubious man laughs at Lucas for calling Phoebe his daughter …)

[Rather dubious man] “… that’s one tasty little stepdaughter you’ve got. You should take good care of her …”

When Lucas gets Phoebe away from the rather dubious man, he talks very reasonably and calmly to Phoebe:

[Lucas] “You know there are plenty of people who get mugged out there by idiots.”

Huh.

So Lucas may not be a bad ‘un after all.


Kate has a bit on the side?

Kate was talking on the phone to someone about Lucas.

[Kate] “It’s like he’s turned into another guy. Someone I don’t even know.”

Sounds like the person Kate is talking to is someone she trusts and like.

Kate also mentioned that she shouldn’t be “dumping” on them as it’s “not professional” of her. And she called this person “kind and sweet”.

Well, well.

I couldn’t catch what the names of the other person was, so no idea if male or female (actually, would that even matter to Kate), but it sounded a tad suspicious …

18th March 2010

• A month in New Zealand with a hormonal Lucy
• The Simon Cowell of Ambridge
• What can the matter be?
• What do they mean when they say that Emerald O'Hanrahan is ‘taking the part’?

A month in New Zealand with a hormonal Lucy

That actually sounds quite fun!

So what do we think – will Fallon cope with running The Bull?

Will she find herself in bother, opening up a new opportunity for the (ever so currently quiet) Jazzer? Or will she have to turn to Lilian, though Jolene wouldn’t be too chuffed with that …


The Simon Cowell of Ambridge

I reckon Adam could find a new career as the Ambridge equivalent of Simon Cowell.

He’s certainly opinionated and grumpy enough.


What can the matter be?

Even more evidence to suggest that Kate might be making a return to Ambridge.

Is Brian right about trouble at home with Lucas?


What do they mean when they say that Emerald O'Hanrahan is ‘taking the part’?

@ArchersAddicts: News just breaking, Felicity Jones (Emma Grundy) is leaving. Emerald O'Hanrahan is taking the part. Read all about it in the Ambridge Voice.

Excuse me? What does all that mean?

Just how long has this ‘Felicity Jones’ been impostering Emma for?

And how will this new imposter manage to take her place without everyone noticing? How will she know about the whole Ed/Will triangle shenanigans!?!

We should be told …