The Archers: Pip is in full flow ... Izzy wants a hunk ... Josh is quiet ... Jamie’s drunk ... David has to sort it
- Pip’s really good with a tractor
- “Looks like the Grundy’s garden”
- “Jazzer ... the space invader”
- Should’ve worried about Jamie, not Josh
- Izzy really needs to ditch Pip
- Hunky Matthew
- Jamie’s such a wee toerag!
- “One slightly worse for wear teenager”
- David’s fed up
- Poor Freddie
Pip’s really good with a tractor
Good show Pip. Jolly good show.
I’m still not sure where all this interest in Pip’s driving lessons is heading to ...
“Looks like the Grundy’s garden”
When Ruth said that about the part of Brookfield they’re using to keep the machinery that’s normally in the barn, I could only think of poor Clarrie.
The woman can’t even have a nice garden.
Aw.
“Jazzer ... the space invader”
Gosh. Aren’t Brenda and Tom the most ripping of friends!
I wish I could have mates like that.
Ones that grudgingly let me sleep in their spare room when I’m homeless, then slag me off behind my back.
What gems!
Should’ve worried about Jamie, not Josh
I can only assume Pip was worried about her wee brother embarrassing her than really causing any trouble.
Josh behaved impeccably. He stayed up in his room, even finishing his homework (on a Friday night. That is devotion).
Izzy really needs to ditch Pip
Just as Jazzer could do far better in the mates stakes than Brenda and Tom, Izzy could also do far better than Pip.
Pip was rotten to Izzy when Jude was around (oh deary - just writing his name makes me feel a bit ill!). Remember when Pip was making it plain how much working in the same place as Izzy would be beneath her?!?
This time, Pip’s calling her fat!
[Izzy] “I would kill for one of these inflatable sofas”
[Pip] “Don’t burst it!”
[Izzy] “I’m not that heavy!!!”
It sounds like Izzy’s boyfriend Gary also isn’t up to par.
I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, but how on earth could anyone think a Young Farmers barn dance would be posh?
Though Izzy isn’t letting her Gary hold her back. She’s out to spot talent, which brings me neatly onto:
Hunky Matthew
He sounded a bit of alright.
Well. from Izzy and Pip’s point of view.
Pip is thankfully:
“strictly off men for the foreseeable”
(I really couldn’t cope with another round of Pip and a bloke. My life has been far less fraught since she rediscovered the joys of tractors!).
Matthew’s a rugby player. Seemingly a bit of a looker. And his folks own Atherton Estate.
Marriage material indeed. Especially considering he handled the Jamie situation without immediately punching him ...
In saying that, what was Matthew on about when he asked Izzy:
“do you get to take stuff home from this supermarket of yours?”
As Izzy pointed out, she only works there - she doesn’t own it.
But maybe Matthews parent’s estate is a mighty big one, and he’s used to mixing with the organ grinders rather than the monkeys.
Jamie’s such a wee toerag!
Jamie and his mate (Marty?) were showing their age tonight.
I’m really surprised the bar staff didn’t spot them right away (professionals or not!). Teenage girls can look far older than they are, but don’t most teenage lads look just like teenage lads?
Having sneaked into Pip’s barn dance, they reckon it:
“feels so weird not drinking cider from a bottle”
Classy!
After a few pints, they’re both get a bit lary.
Pushing past Izzy, and jumping the queue at the bar, Jamie makes Izzy spill her drink on her top which:
[Izzy] “cost me nearly 30 quid!”
[Jamie] “why did you bother?”
As Matthew has a word with Jamie to get him to apologise and spot being an arse:
[Jamie] “Get lost dumbo!”
[Jamie] “don’t boss me around, alright ... freak!
[Matthew] “you’ve had plenty, bonehead”
[Matthew] “there are lots of guys here - big guys - we don’t want any trouble”
[Jamie] “Just shut up! You’re not my dad! YOU’RE NOT MY DAD!”
(oh my. We all know that’s Jamie’s problem, but what a blatant ‘cry for help’. I’d feel sorry for him, but he makes caring about him nigh impossible)
Izzy gets Pip before Matthew and his mates lose their temper with Jamie and his mate.
After realising that Jamie and his mate are drunk, Pip then heads off to get her dad.
Which is a real shame on David and Ruth. They were just about to get a nice cup of tea, after switching off a property programme that they’d already seen.
“One slightly worse for wear teenager”
We didn’t get to eavesdrop in on David tackling Jamie and his mate at the barn dance, which is a shame.
But, we do get the joys of Kathy sighing in frustration as David returns an inebriated Jamie to her.
Jamie does show some sense in staggering off to bed before Kathy can wind herself into a shouty frenzy (saving us all!).
And David seemed to downplay Jamie’s behaviour. Rude and aggressive turned into:
“sounding off ... getting a bit excited”
Which was odd. Considering he later on had far more to say about it than he actually said to Kathy.
But, as we don’t get to eavesdrop at all on a Saturday, all might be peaceful and well come Sunday.
(I know. We probably won’t get off that lightly, but there’s always hope).
David’s fed up
Fed up with teenagers. Fed up that he had to take Jamie home (and call his other mate’s parents). Fed up that Pip’s efforts were so rudely trampled upon.
I think it’s really lovely that David, and Ruth, care so much for their daughter’s happiness.
“Poor pip didn’t deserve to have her evening ruined””
“Poor thing is devastated ... she’s worried she might have to step down”
David thought the scene that greeted him when he went into the barn was:
“Like something out of the wild west ... the boys threatening to drive him out of town”
And both him and Ruth thought Jamie was simply stupid for picking a fight with “someone like Matthew”.
“He’s changing so much, and not for the better”
*sigh* How many more Ambridge residents will say the exact same thing about Jamie before someone is able to snap him out of it?
Or, is this just going to be Jamie forever more?
*banging head off the table*
Poor Freddie
As mentioned before, it would seem Freddie isn’t a very clever young boy.
Poor toots. Lily “seems to be thriving”, a comparison which I'm sure the wee man doesn't need.
The Archers: Kenton tries to fool Elizabeth ... Pip's planning for the Barn Dance ... Nigel is such a sweetheart!
- The best laid schemes o' Mice an' Kenton ...
- “who the hell are you?”
- The Harvester is on its way!
- Why the keen interest in driving lessons?
- Josh will have to be locked up
- Ruth signs cards for David
- Jamie’s picking on his nearest and dearest
The best laid schemes o' Mice an' Kenton ...
... this time nearly went aft agley.
It never really struck me anyway that Kenton had devised a good scheme for getting Elizabeth out of the way so that Nigel could setup her anniversary surprise … but I do have to give him credit for trying.
Especially as he blames Elizabeth for telling Kathy about his shenanigans with Holly.
Kenton being part of Nigel’s master plan did:
"just seems a bit perverse"
(which was Elizabeth’s reaction to having to meet a client interested in hiring Lower Loxley anywhere other than Lower Loxley)
Kenton's plan of setting up a meeting with a potential lucrative client for Elizabeth didn't make sense from the off.
That a client would want to meet at a place other than Lower Loxley was decidedly odd. That Kenton also chose his mate Barry to play the client also seemed to be a critical mistake (as Kirsty had said it would be).
As Kenton's plan progressed (or actually began to fray and unravel), Kenton’s only saving grace was Elizabeth being incredibly slow to realise that all was not necessarily legitimate.
[Kenton on how this new client made his fortune] "selling ... stuff"
[Kenton trying to rescue Barry from giving Elizabeth an idea of how many delegates he’d have at his conference] “Barry can’t talk numbers”
[Kenton] “Duncan Bannatyne told Barry not to hide his light under a bushel”
[Barry] “I better ... um ... grasp the nettle”
(eh?)
Not even able to get their story straight about how they’d even met, Kenton and Barry stumble their way through the charade.
Just as Elizabeth is about to slap one of them for being such obvious idiots, Nigel calls Kenton to ask that he keeps Elizabeth busy for at least another hour.
[Nigel] “I got the measurements a bit wrong [for] the platform for the harpist”
(oh I do love you Nigel!)
[Kenton] “I’ve only given Barry material for another hour! And he’s hopeless!”
So Barry got drunk, Elizabeth was starting to smell a rat … and then Kenton had to drive home (very very slowly) with an increasingly irate Elizabeth.
[Elizabeth] “I think it’s revenge for telling Kathy about your nocturnal adventures”
Which meant all led up to:
“who the hell are you?”
Poor chap. He was only trying to be a butler!
Kenton had managed to wind Elizabeth up to the point that she initially spat abuse to the strange chap who opened her front door to let her in.
All the poor man said was:
“Good evening madam”
Nigel had to explain that he was “Fielding the Butler”. Then Elizabeth realised why Kenton had been even more of a pillock than usual, and also why she could hear harpist music in the background (Nigel seemingly sorted the platform out!).
[Elizabeth] “Does this mean you’ve forgiven me?”
I’ll repeat that:
[Elizabeth] “Does this mean you’ve forgiven me?”
Elizabeth. Asking for forgiveness for breaking Nigel’s’ confidence about Kenton and Holly.
Elizabeth. Realising she was wrong, while at the same time realising that Nigel is a gent and a saint for still pressing on with such a special surprise when she wasn’t exactly be best wife material.
[Nigel] “You know I can’t stay mad at you for more than 5 minutes … I love you far too much for that”
Aw!
We could all do with a Nigel in our lives.
The Harvester is on its way!
Huzzah and Hooray!
David also seems to have had a good harvest.
Good.
Why the keen interest in driving lessons?
David seems to be abnormally interested and keen that Pip does her driving lessons.
I know full well that young 'uns living in rural areas are desperate to get driving, but I haven’t ever heard of a parent so keen to get his child onto the road.
Where’s this all going?
Josh will have to be locked up
Pip’s plan for the Young Farmer’s Barn Dance seem to be going well.
She even managed to persuade Tom to do the catering, and make a donation (much to David’s surprise).
Pip’s only problem so far is Josh.
He’s been plotting with his mates to try and gatecrash the Dance, so Pip wants him under lock and key to make sure that doesn’t happen.
Seriously Pip. There are worse folk who could be gate crashing – maybe it’d be an idea to invite Josh to avoid any confrontations.
We’ve all heard what can happen when a party ends up as a ‘free for all’ invite on Facebook …
Ruth signs cards for David
David has heard about Kenton and Kathy splitting up, so calls Lower Loxley to speak to Elizabeth.
Nigel answers (Elizabeth is meeting ‘Barry’), and explains he’s a bit busy as it’s their anniversary.
David says he didn’t realise, which Nigel replies with:
“You sent us a card”
Which means Ruth doesn’t even make David sit down and sign his own name to a card for his own sister’s anniversary.
Come on David! I thought family meant more to you than that.
David also confirmed that Kathy and Jamie wouldn’t be going to Jill’s 80th.
Phew, but won’t that ruin Elizabeth’s seating plans?!?
Jamie’s picking on his nearest and dearest
Having already picked on Daniel for not being ‘one of the gang’ at their highly exciting and rebellious (!) time at the Bird Hide, Jamie’s now picking on Josh.
Jamie seemingly made fun of Josh in front of his makes.
And as we all know, school ground etiquette dictates that one should, not take the rip out of one’s friends in public.
It’s just not cricket.
It doesn’t bode well for Jamie calming down anytime soon (as naught as Josh can be, he really isn’t a stereotypical hoodie – he’s more of a Tom Brown’s Schooldays lad).
Josh would at least hold Jamie back from doing something completely idiotic. Now, who’s there to stop him?
The Archers: Kenton spends time with Jamie ...Kenton gets a pull (eh???) ... Pip's planning the barn dance
- Nachos and Shandy
- "I didn't recognise you in the daylight"
- David knows what a 'chilling zone' is
- Pip and her mean machine
- Times haven't changed when it comes to vodka from the local shop
- No! Not the sofa!
Computer Games, Nachos and Shandy
Say what I will about Kenton, he does know what a young lad wants from a day out.
And for five minutes Jamie wasn't shouting.
Good-oh!
"I didn't recognise you in the daylight"
Can you believe it was Kenton saying that to his new lady friend Holly than the other way round?
(Though, I suppose that depends on what you think Kenton looks like.)
He'd met Holly last night when she was celebrating her birthday in Jaxx (see my post from yesterday).
Amazingly enough, she actually liked the attention Kenton was lavishing on her!
Who'd have thunk it???
"it was great ... you really made it special ... I almost didn't mind getting a year older"
And then, Holly says she'll be in Jaxx later on to see Kenton. And mentioned "it's a date".
Even Kenton couldn't believe that one.
Do we actually believe Holly (or any other woman, for that matter) would fall so quickly for Kenton's over exuberant charms?
David knows what a 'chilling zone' is
What with Nic standing up for herself, Kenton getting a pull and now David knowing what a 'chilling zone', I'm all at sea with what I think I should think about Ambridge's residents.
But then again - isn't the correct term 'a chill out' zone?
(and I am very happy to be corrected on that one!).
Anyway, Pip's planning the Young Farmers' Barn Dance at Brookfield, and all seems to be well.
Ruth had to have one of her moments:
"have you proved to your dad that you can do it responsibly?"
(ach wheest woman!)
But David seems quite happy with the arrangements.
So nothing could go wrong, could it?
Pip and her mean machine
Well, to be fair it'll probably be a ten year old fiesta.
David seems quite keen for Pip to learn to drive (maybe so that he and Ruth can stop being her taxi service).
And bless his pride in his daughter:
"I don't expect you're going to need many anyway"
Ah bless. All's well that ends with Jude not being around ...
Times haven't changed when it comes to vodka from the local shop
Nope indeed they haven't.
The chances of being served alcohol in your local village shop are next to none if you're (a) underage and (b) a local.
I'm not sure where this Marty mate of Jamie comes from, but it seemed Jamie thought he stood a better chance of getting Sabrina to serve them:
"give her a wink, say you like her hair"
Really? Is that all it takes to get something from Sabrina?
Maybe someone should tell Kenton ...
Anyway, David Archers spoiled the party by stopping to chat.
But looks like they succeeded somehow.
Jamie and Marty later left a voice message on Kenton's phone which sounded rather drunken. And it was also rather badly timed ...
No! Not the sofa!
Kenton wows Holly with his Tom Cruise impression (from Cocktail), but then gets a light grilling about who Jamie was.
Holly thought Jamie looked like Kenton, but Kenton made clear the Jamie was his stepson.
And that they are very close.
Unlike his relationship with Kathy!
"we've split up now ... it's been a while"
"me and Kathy ... it's definitely over. Really, there's nothing going on"
Oh dear. Not quite the truth there Kenton Archer!
Still, it's a white(ish) lie. But it's one which most definitely come back to bite Kenton on his bum. The whole "but we were on a break" reasoning just isn't going to wash with Kathy. Or Holly. Or David, Elizabeth, Jill, Jamie ...
So just to make it worse, Kenton then ends up back at Holly's flat. With wine. A sofa. And a vibrating pocket
(which was Jamie making his drunken call).
While Kenton listens to Jamie's voicemail, and almost has a pang of guilt, Holly's merrily pouring more wine while singing a Gwen Stefani tune (don't ask me which one - I just recognised the 'whoo-hoo, hee-hoo', or something similar to that).
Then they snog (never a pleasant thing to hear on the radio), and the final words we're left with (surely haunting our nightmares) is:
"i think the bedroom is a very good idea"
Well, yuk (some on, it is Kenton having a sexual thrill!) and 'oh deary, deary, deary me'.
While I don't think Kenton has been especially wrong in having a fling (if it is just that), he's certainly not been thinking with his brain.
Expect a full-blown fall-out.
The Archers: Kenton cooks tea ... the Twins schooling is settled ... Pip is organising a barn dance
- Nigel's surprised there's interest in the allotments
- Has the BBC Radio 4 announcer lived a very sheltered life?
- Classic Navy nosh up a la Kenton
- Did Josh get anything for his 13th?
- The worst thing about Kenton being a prat is David
- America's Next Top Model
- Everyday, I love Nigel just a little bit more ...
- This can only lead to Pip versus Ruth/David round 836
- Kids are sorted ... now Kenton
- Anyone know the whereabouts of Mrs Pugsley?
Nigel's surprised there's interest in the allotments
I do adore Nigel and his posh totty ways, but does he ever catch up with reality?
I'm amazed that he's amazed there's folks out there desperately keen to have an allotment - even before he's had a chance to organise them. I live in the 3rd largest region in Scotland, with only 250,000 folks living here, yet allotments are just as scarce as in a city!
It's quite odd really. I completely had Nigel down as a Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall sort of chap.
Still, it's great that Nigel's got such enthusiasm for sharing (unlike a lot of other landowners), especially in the face of Elizabeth's complete lack of interest.
Has the BBC Radio 4 announcer lived a very sheltered life?
Just as an aside - and similar to last night - the pre-broadcast announcement (and the bit of text you get when you 'watch' Radio 4 on your TV) seemed to suggest Nigel and Elizabeth were about to return home to something utterly horrific.
Last night all it was a bit of rubbish in the bird hide, and tonight it was Kenton. Quite happy. And about to make everyone's tea.
Granted, what Kenton ended up cooking didn't sound too spectacular, but it was hardly the bloodbath/party/drunken destruction/orgy that I thought the announcements were indicating.
Maybe the announcer is living in the same happy, quiet bubble as is Nigel.
Classic Navy nosh up a la Kenton
So back to the point - the horror that awaited Nigel and Elizabeth at Lower Loxley was Kenton with a tin of spam, tomatoes, beans One assumes of the Heinz variety) and Tabasco.
Ye Gods!
Kenton "nicely caramelised" the spam, then chucked it in with his three other ingredients.
Et Voila!
It doesn't sound too nasty, and at least he's making an effort. Elizabeth was, as per, entirely ungrateful. She was quite happy that Kenton didn't make enough for more than two.
Bless Nigel for trying to work out which wine to serve with spam, and then suffering the indignity of a bad stomach after eating it.
(by the way - did we all notice that Kenton managed to take a night off from Jaxx to "thank" Elizabeth and Nigel for letting him stay? Methinks Kathy made an astute point when she said Kenton used Jaxx as an excuse to get out of doing anything he didn't want to)
Did Josh get anything for his 13th?
Maybe I missed it, but surely David and Ruth made a fuss over Josh for becoming a teenager?
or, is that not done anymore - considering kids 'grow up so fast these days'?
The worst thing about Kenton being a prat is David
I know there's a lot to be negative about when it comes to Kenton, but I utterly loathe Mr David Archer when he's given reason to get even more condescending and sneery.
While I do think that Kenton had behaved like a spoilt brat, Kathy does hold a lot of the blame as well and, as Nigel reminded us, all of this is going to be very painful for them both.
Couldn't David get off his pedestal and spare five seconds to think of how his brother is feeling?
No indeed not. He's far too worried about how Kathy and Kenton splitting up will impact on his own perfect wee life.
So Kenton's breakup up is "typical" and Kenton:
"makes the seven year itch feel like a proper medical condition"
In saying that, Ruth and David are right that it could all also spell disaster for Jill's 80th celebrations ...
America's Next Top Model
Tee hee! Kenton was trying to persuade Nigel that America's Next Top Model was great:
"Miss World crossed with The Apprentice"
Um. I don't think Nigel will have watched either of those.
Maybe she should have said it was something more akin to it being like a scullery maid from Upstairs Downstairs being interviewed by the Lady of the House for the Housekeeper position. But without much clothing.
That might have perked Nigel's interest.
Everyday, I love Nigel just a little bit more ...
So Nigel persuaded Elizabeth to let Kenton (her brother!) stay at theirs.
He's eaten spam. And had a sore stomach as a result.
He's invited Kenton out to a wine tasting, which Kenton has of course turned into a "lads night out" (watch out Kirsty!).
And now he's the only person (seemingly in the whole of Kenton's family) who understand that Kenton might actually be a bit hurt.
Elizabeth:
"does he look like a man that's broken hearted to you?!?"
Nigel:
"i think he's hurting inside"
What a thoroughly nice chap you are. Especially when it's been Kenton's food that's made you hurt inside!
This can only lead to Pip versus Ruth/David round 836
Back to her chirpy, perky 'young farmer' self, Pip's been made the Assistant Social Secretary of the Young Farmer's Association.
So, of course, the first thing she does is arrange for a barn dance to be held in one of Brookfield's barns.
Without asking David and Ruth first ... and here we go again!
David was working himself up into a spluttering "you what!?!" frenzy, but Ruth niftily sidestepped him into agreeing.
Although seemingly not like the Harvest Summer they have held at Brookfield,
(David's envisaging "drunk farmers getting up to heaven knows what behind the hay bales")
Pip has promised that the barn dance
"will all be ever so sensible ... trust me"
Oh flipping 'eck Pip! It'll end up with the police, a couple of ambulances and the fire brigade called out.
And thereafter, shouting shall commence.
*sigh*
Still, Ruth seems to think it'll bring Pip and Jonathan back together (were they ever that really together in the first place?), and it'll surely make for great listening in.
Kids are sorted ... now Kenton
So it sounds like Nigel and Elizabeth are happy that the Cathedral School can be trusted with the twins. Especially as Nigel seems quite keen on the Latin teacher (atta boy!).
That means they can concentrate on Kenton and his woes. Or, even trying to get him to admit that he actually does have woes.
Can anything else see Kenton staying out at Lower Loxley, claiming a wing for his own use and squatters rights after an appropriate time?
Talking of which ...
... Anyone know the whereabouts of Mrs Pugsley?
As @JoelHeason pointed out on Twitter - wouldn't one expect The Pargetter's to have a 'lady that does' in Lower Loxley, rather than getting their own food (or having to eat Kenton's concoctions)?
And as @JoelHeason then went onto say - where's Mrs Pugsley gone?
Edgar Titcombe is still around, but has Mrs Pugsley been locked in one of the wings by a mistake? Or has she done a Tracey Barlow and gone up stairs to listen to tapes?
A 'Madwoman in the Attic' perhaps?
If Kenton does stay put, maybe he'll redeem himself by saving her.
Unless someone knows where she's gone to.
