The Brookfield kids want money – Fri 10.05.13 #thearchers

Pondering The Archers Friday 10th May 2013

• Josh wants to graze chickens
• Poor Number 27
• Topical mention!
• Jill and David do the weeding
• What’s the gossip from Lower Loxley?
• The darts team have a saint
• Pip still wants a better car

Wiggo doesn’t win in #TheArchers: Tues 27.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Tuesday 27th November 2012

• Wiggo!
• I still don’t understand why Josh is doing the chickens
• David use to demand 50% extra
• George would prefer a truck
• Eddie didn’t know
• Jamie’s knackered from work
• Cashflow, cashflow, cashflow

Wiggo!

Wiggo in Ambridge is not a cyclist. Wiggo is a cow.

David and Ruth are showing Wiggo at a livestock show, and have high hopes.

But, first things first. They need to out the steer on Wiggo. Which they are struggling to do.

[David] “That was josh. The Magic Milkman … they got to know each other.”

Maybe Josh should have had the day off school.

Wiggo didn’t win, but came second. So, David got a great price for Wiggo at auction.

And David’s glad to see that there are more rare breeds being shown this year.

[Ruth] “It must mean more people are interested in proper tasting meat at last.”

I still don’t understand why Josh is doing the chickens

He’s doing a grand job, according to Neil, but why didn’t he give the job to Emma?

Every penny counts.


David use to demand 50% extra

Wages, from Phil, for doing the morning milking.

Cheeky!


George would prefer a truck

Susan was eyeing up a tablet computer.

[Susan] “Do you think George would like it?”

[Emma] “I think I’ll get him that pickup truck. He loves anything with big wheels.”

Susan doesn’t really listen.

She just gets George the tablet anyway.

Which shows the madness of Christmas – Ed and Emma have to move in with her and Neil due to be so skint, yet she still splashes out.

Madness.


Eddie didn’t know

Ed’s seemingly still worried about everyone thinking him a failure for not making the farm pay. Susan reckons not so. Ed started it up with nothing.

[Emma] “All he sees is the bills pilling up.”

[Susan] “It’ll sort itself out, I’m sure … and staying with us ill speed it up a bit … Try not to worry. I’m sure it’s all going to work out.”

At the livestock show, David and Ruth bump into Eddie. David tells him that he’ll be sorry to lose his neighbours.

Eddie has no ken. He has no idea what David’s talking about.

Oops.

No one has thought to tell Eddie (and the very absent Clarrie) that Ed and Emma are moving.

Course, Eddie goes round to see Ed. Only Emma is in.

[Eddie] “Now look, what’s this I hear about you not be able to afford your rent?”

Eddie’s offended, and reckons he and Clarrie could have helped.

Which I;m sure they could have done, but surely not with money?

[Emma] “Ed didn’t want you to know, He didn’t want anyone to know.”

[Eddie] “Well you tell him, we’re here for him okay?”

Jamie’s knackered from work

According to Kathy.

Jamie’s loving his work, and is in awe of his boss who has the habit of:

[Kathy] “Dangling on ropes thirty foot in the air with a  chainsaw.”

Blimey.

Working hard all day has taken exhausted Jamie. He even fell asleep in front of his computer.

So, that was all Jamie needed to stay out of trouble and take his mind off of Natalie.

Honest, hard, labour.


Cashflow, cashflow, cashflow

[David] “Ed’s scale of operation, there can’t be any cash in the system.”

He and Ruth are feeling sheepish that they hadn’t spotted Ed’s problems, and also now can’t do more for them.

Though they will now lose money with Rickyard not being rented (though they will advertise it), they let Ed and Emma leave without a month’s notice.

Ed’s not providing: Mon 08.10.12

The Archers Monday 8th October 2012

• Even the guinea pig doesn’t want those biscuits
• Fallon’s still depressed
• Lynda’s (forcibly) recruiting
• Jim’s had a late night
• David tries to support Ed
• Britain in Bloom rumbles on
• Ed has chocolate, and remembers the carefree days

Even the guinea pig doesn’t want those biscuits

Things are still very grim and Ed and Emma’s.

There’s not enough bread. Now not enough soup. And only just enough cheese for Ed to have a tiny wee bit.

But he can have some biscuits.

The horrible ones that neither Ed nor George like – even the guinea pig doesn’t want them.

For pity sake – GO BACK TO WORK EMMA!!!!


Fallon’s still depressed

Now that Jolene and Kenton are back, Fallon no longer has the freedom to manage The Bull as she’s wish to.

Though I suspect her depression might have something to do with Rhys being away in Wales.


Lynda’s (forcibly) recruiting

Lynda’s after both Kenton and Fallon to star in her village extravaganza.

[Lynda] “Marvellous, I can kill two birds in one bar.”

[Kenton] “I hope not, we’ve only just the carpet cleaned.”

I think (especially Kenton) will take a heck of a lot of persuading.

He doesn’t sound keen at all.


Jim’s had a late night

He and Jazzer sat up late last night watching their film. And drinking lager.

And doesn’t Jim feel awful today!

He reckons Jazzer and he are “brainwashing” each other.


David tries to support Ed

[David] “I don’t think it’s ever been tougher than this year.”

Though David admits both Phil and Dan would have also said the same about any of their years.

Only difference is the sheer cost of living these days.

Obviously spotting that not all’s well at Ed and Emma’s, David tells Ed he can talk to him anytime he likes.

[David quoting Dan] “And may the weather be kinder to farmers.”

Well, think Ed needs more than a bit of sunshine.


Britain in Bloom rumbles on

It may be over for the rest of us, but Lynda still has Britain in Bloom very much in mind.

She’s giving Kenton a row about not keeping The Bull’s outside as tidy as it could be.

After all, Ambridge is going to get a plaque for placing this year.


Ed has chocolate, and remembers the carefree days

Fallon catches Ed coming out of the village shop, gulping down a chocolate bar.

[Fallon] “And they make out chocolate’s a girl thing!”

Seems Ed is wishing for more carefree times. They get onto how he used to sing in their band. Now he doesn’t even sing in the shower.

[Ed] “I can’t believe we were in a band … young, free, single.”

[Fallon, not exactly revelling in being single] “You can have too much of a good thing.”

[Ed] “You can too little as well  …”

Though Ed loves Emma, and being a family, it’s not exactly a barrel of laughs at the moment.

[Ed] “It’s just, it’s tough working it all out, right now, it’s  … look, don’t say this to anyone … right now the business isn’t paying its way. I’ve had to cut what I’m I;m paying myself and things are pretty tight … I hate feeling I’m not providing for them. I hate letting them down … if working harder would make any difference, it’s what I’d do … and Will, he just flashes his money all around …”

Oh dear.

Ed really is hitting rock bottom.

When Alan met Carl 23.04.12

(it was adoration at first sight)

The Archers Monday 23rd April 2012

• Those “so English” bells
• Phil’s birthday
• When’s a cake not a cake?
• Tom’s had a grand day
• Carl comes to tea
• Lynda to “have a blitz on the noticeboards”
• Promises still to be delivered

Those “so English” bells

Seemed the whole village was enjoying today’s bell ringing for Saint George’s Day. And Lily was one of the ringers.

Alan and Jill listened in together.

Well, they actually spoke through most of it.


Phil’s birthday

Was today. He would have really enjoyed the bells, reckoned Jill.


When’s a cake not a cake?

When it’s a gateau made by Lily for Elizabeth’s birthday the other day.

Actually, Lily had made Elizabeth’s whole birthday tea French themed.


Tom’s had a grand day

Which I always hate to hear, as success does make him ever that bit more smug.

Tom was actually taking time off to relax with a glass of wine, in the garden, with Brenda (while they listened to the bells).

Tom was chuffed that his poly tunnels are finally on their way. Because of the mix up, he’s also scored an inset netting and a shade net (whatever they are) thrown in free.

And he’s chuffed that Underwoods has increased their order for sausages.

And he’s chuffed that he’s also asked for, and got, a discount from one of their feed suppliers.

[Tom] “It shows how much untapped potential there is on the farm … think what I could do if I really got stuck in”

AND the Police have found his quad bike.

Phew! What a day.

[Brenda] “You just sit here and enjoy the warm glow of a good days work”

Though Tom did make mention that he might put the ready meals on hold for a while.

Interesting … actually, probably not.


Carl comes to tea
(and a biscuit)

Though Amy was annoyed at Alan for being late to meet Carl (only be 10 minutes), the ‘meet the parents’ trauma wasn’t at all traumatic.

Usha and Carl bonded over her experience of moving from Africa (her words), and his grandparents having moved from Jamaica to the UK. Usha says she still misses the warmth and colours of the African sun. The UK feels drab in comparison.

[Amy] “Nan said that too, like god has switched the lights off”

Carl reckons that his nan thinks that too. What’s more:

[Carl] “She likes to play up her exotic Caribbean routes”

They’re on again about how Carl goes to see his nan every weekend.

But that he’s got a photo of his nan on his phone is a bit creepy …

Seems Carl’s grandparents came from Mandeville in Jamaica. Which is also where Mabel (Amy’s nan, Alan’s first wife’s mum) came from.

That’s a coincidence.

And when Alan first comes in, Carl calls him “sir”. Then again when he was leaving.

Which was again a bit creepy, and quite unnecessary.

[Carl] “My grandmother is so impressed I’m going out with a pastor’s daughter”

Huh. Blatant sooking up as well.

After he’d gone:

[Alan] “Well, what a nice young man … and he really seems to have feelings for Amy … nice to be able to share Catherine’s memories. Mabel’s going to be so pleased Amy’s going out with someone with Jamaican roots”

[Usha] “Mabel will be buying a hat”

[Alan] “Amy’s found a thoughtful intelligent man who makes her happy”

Hmmm …


Lynda to “have a blitz on the noticeboards”

While Neil and Jill was sort out the wildlife area of the graveyard.

All in good cause:

[Jill] “You’ve got to have it all spick and span looking for the jubilee”

Quite.


Promises still to be delivered

It’s taking some folks some time to come good on the promises they auctioned off.

Though I suppose some of it was seasonal.

Ed and George will be round tonight to do a slug patrol at Jill’s.

Those eyebrows are still being raised about Sabrina Thwaite still telling Harry to wait to do his bit for her. Everyone thinks she wants it to be hot enough for him to take his top off.

[Jill] “If I was a bit younger, I might have out a bid in for him myself!”

Aye indeed. Good looking, intelligent, and ever so silent (these days …).

Brookfield to stop dairy? 04/01/02:

The Archers Wednesday 4th January 2012

• Gary nearly burnt the house down
• How was Neil’s Christmas?
• Susan convinces Bert
• Jill isn’t sentimental
• Debbie hasn’t won friends at Brookfield

Gary nearly burnt the house down

Seems he was cooking sausages when the phone rang. Susan later arrives to find the house stinking of smoke, and her dad trying to clean the burnt pan.

[Susan] “If you’ve got a frying pan on the stove, you don’t leave the room!”

Is Gary useless, or is he special?

[Susan] “I don’t know dad, you and Gary, you need someone to look after you full time”

Bert isn’t even sure if he’s had breakfast yet. So Clarrie does him some toast, while buttering him up for her crafty plan to be rid of Tracey and her kids.


How was Neil’s Christmas?

Asks Jill.

[Neil] “I’ve had more relaxing times with a yard full of hungry weaners!”

Susan convinces Bert

[Susan] “The point is, Tracey would like to stay in the village, not least so she can carry on looking after you and Gary, you’re not making much of a fist of looking after yourselves, are you? …What we thought was, wouldn’t it make sense for the Tracey and the kid to move into here”

[Bert] “Here … there isn’t room … there’s only the one bedroom spare”

Susan rightly points out that he and Ivy managed to bring up 6 Horrobins in the same house. And she tells him of Neil’s plan to turn the dining room into Bert’s bedroom, with the pantry as an en suite.

[Bert, horrified] “In the pantry!”

But he does see the sense in Tracey moving in. For his and Gary’s sake, as well as meaning Tracey can live back in Ambridge.

[Susan] “Be best coming from you, dad”

Neil’s happiness now depends on Bert convincing Tracey. Susan tells Neil:

[Susan] “I don’t think he’s all that keen on having Brad and Chelsea there … Dad reckons she’s not going to happy swapping this house for no. 6”

Not a very confident start.


Jill isn’t sentimental

She’s at Brookfield seeing a rather depressed David and Ruth.

The Environmental Agency has been in to examine the slurry lagoon. While they’ve confirmed that the lagoon has sufficient capacity to comply with new regulations, they’re also saying that it will need to be relined.

Which will cost a cool £20,000.

Or, Brookfield cold get a whole new system, involving a tank and a new way of dealing with waste water. But that would cost about the same amount.

But it’s all academic. Either which way they go, Brookfield doesn’t have £20,000. And with their current balance sheet, they might struggle to get a bank loan.

[David] “If those damn badgers hadn’t chosen to start their excavations now, we wouldn’t have had to do anything for a couple of years”

And now that Brookfield is on the radar of the Environmental Agency (who weren’t chuffed that their NVZ records were behind), they can expect a lot more checking and potential interference.

Jill remembers that Phil had problems with the lagoon. He used local clay to fix it, but seems it’s now deemed “insufficiently impermeable”.

[Ruth] “There’s no way we can do a DIY job on this one, I’m afraid”

[David] “I’m seriously wondering whether it’s worth it … should we cut out losses and sell the herd”

[Ruth] “It’s absolutely a last resort,. And it would break my heart … Brookfield without a dairy herd. What would Phil say?”

[Jill] “I think Phil would understand. He trusted your business sense … well, we can’t afford to be sentimental, can we?”

[Ruth] “I’m praying it doesn’t have to come to that. there’s got to be another way”

Debbie hasn’t won friends at Brookfield

Jill was telling Ruth and David that Debbie and Elizabeth have made up (and retold that they’d fallen out 9 years ago because Elizabeth knew about Brian and Siobhan’s affair).

[David] “So, if I wait for another 8 years, maybe Elizabeth will consider speaking to me again?”

Ruth is not a big fan of Debbie at the moment:

[Ruth] “So, she turns up here last night, and says I hear you might be going out of dairy, so would you like to reconsider our offer. As if supplying fodder to this glorified milk factory would in some way compensate for the loss of our precious cows. I mean, how insensitive can you get!”

The Archers Thursday 3rd November 2011: Brookfield to turn supermarket?

• “Why bother?” reckons Ruth
• Is it fair to have Roy as best man? Again?
• Phil Archer has his say
• Helen, Shania Twain and some sort of Celtic ditty
• Clive should stay away from The Bull

“Why bother?” reckons Ruth

Seems Brookfield’s herd have done fine this year, but they need to make a healthy profit every year. If not, why bother, Ruth reckons.

She’s despondent at yet another not great year.

What’s more, Ruth reckons the best prices to be had for their milk is to sell it direct to supermarkets.

But, David warns that it’s getting tougher to get and to keep supermarket contracts. Plus it seems the contracts come with some fairly tough stipulations – like scoring the cows (on everything from how they walk to the state of their hocks.

[David] “Think of all the form filling. And if you slip up, you lose the contract … I’m just saying it’s not straight forward, even if we get one”

But Ruth (and Pip) reckon they should at least try to get one.


Is it fair to have Roy as best man? Again?

Will has to pop the question to Roy today. And he’s wondering if it’s actually fair on Nic to have Roy as best man, considering he was also best man first time round when Will married Emma.

But:

[Will] “I got you trained up now”

And Roy reckons it would be a pleasure.

After all – why blame Roy for the last time? Surely Ed had something more to do with it …


Phil Archer has his say

(through David)

Ruth and David are still talking about how Brookfield isn’t quite the profitable enterprise it should be.

Their grazing paddocks haven’t gone as planned. They were meant to cut down their production costs but, they haven’t.

[Ruth] “Why is everything so complicated?”

[David] “It’s farming love, if it was easy everyone would be doing it”

(and there speaks a true farmer. It’s only farming that’s a difficult way of life, of course …)

[Ruth] “Pip thinks it’s easy. Sign up to a direct supply contract. Get our beef on the social media sites. And the world will come beating a path to our door … not to mention the money we’d be making”

[David] “Dad always said there wasn’t any quick fixes in farming. It’s paying attention to detail, plus you’ve got to be in it for the long haul”

[Ruth] “It’s been a long haul alright. Only I’m still not sure if we’re getting anywhere”

[David] “Old pasture always does better in a drought than new lays”

(is what Phil also used to say)

So all’s well with that utterance.

Off David and Ruth trot to introduce a wider range of species into their pastures to make them drought resistant.


Helen, Shania Twain and some sort of Celtic ditty

Helen has said yes to being Nic’s bridesmaid (with Mia). Seems she thinks it would cheer her up.

Nic has decided on some sort of Celtic water type music for walking up the isle

(and no – that’s not Celtic football – so it isn’t sectarian …)

Shania Twain’s “Still the One” will play while they’re signing.

Clarrie’s doing the cake.

AND Nic asks Clarrie if she’s accompany her to look at wedding dresses.

Which Clarrie is delighted about. She’s never had the chance to do so before, considering she has two boys (and an Emma).

So all’s well so far with the wedding plans. Hurrah!


Clive should stay away from The Bull

Clive comes into The Bull when Will, Roy and David are propping up the bar.

Whole Roy reckons everyone deserves a second chance (that’ll explain why he puts up with so much from Kate!). David and Will don’t quite concur.

[Will] “Not round here he’s not … it’s not as if she’ ever going to change. He’s like a fox. It’s in his nature”

[David] “How he’s got the nerve …”

There’s hope Clive will be on his way after Ivy’s funeral.

[Will] “And if he doesn’t want to move after that, there's a few round here who’d willingly give him a good sendoff”

Mind you, that’s a lot of talk and no action.

They didn’t utter a word to Clive.

Passive aggression in Ambridge …

The Archers Friday 9th September 2011: Peggy is being pessimistic … or “realistic?”

• Jill is thankful
• Ruth doesn’t know the head from the tail
• Phoebe gone, Debbie on her way
• Lily is a jolly hockey, Freddie got lost and Ruairi’s on email
• Laser Fray?
• Peggy is a tad maudlin

Jill is thankful 

Jennifer’s telling Jill about Jack being in hospital.

She reckons Peggy is “being brave but is worried”, and Jack is “very alarmed and difficult”

[Jill] “I’ve always felt how blessed Phil was, keeping his health until the very end”

Indeed. I’d be very glad indeed to have as dignified and quiet end as our Phil did.


Ruth doesn’t know the head from the tail

Well, she does. She’s just winding Pip up.

Pip’s actually stopped talking about marketing strategies and social networking (hurrah!), but is now onto more practical advice.

Someone called Chad seemed to have sold her on the idea of new farming methods (he was a salesman at the New Smithsfield), so she’s not telling Ruth what’s what.

Chad’s suggestion of “intensive, mainly indoors” cows doesn’t suit Brookfield at all, but Pip reckons they should get a nutritionist for the cows.

Ruth reckons they do just fine, without the Cow equivalent of Gillian Mckeith

[Ruth] “Before you go Pip, can you remind me, which is the calf’s head and which is the tail?”

As much as Pip seems to be irritating Ruth, Ruth is glad that Pip has enthusiasm. Seems David was exactly the same way with Phil.


Phoebe gone, Debbie on her way

[Jennifer] “Brian’s right, you know. As soon as one’s gone, one comes back”

Seems Phoebe got to South Africa just fine, and Debbie’s coming back for 10 whole days.

Looks like Jennifer isn’t going to have time to twiddle her thumbs after all.


Lily is a jolly hockey, Freddie got lost and Ruairi’s on email

So all the wee Archer kids have been packed off to their respective private schools.

I think it’s very odd that a wee 9 year old has an email address to contact his parents. Why aren’t they allowed mobiles? Surely that would help Ruairi get over any homesickness – that he can call his folks at any time.

But, sounds like he has settled in. Jennifer also seems calmer.

Freddie and Lily are, according to Elizabeth, also getting ion grand at the Cathedral school

Lily has joined the drama and art club, and is going for the hockey trials.

[Elizabeth] “I just think she likes the idea of running round biffing people with a stick”

And Freddie?

[Elizabeth] “He’s fine, doing things in his own sweet way as usual”

He hasn’t joined any clubs yet – Elizabeth reckons he’s exploring first.

Seems he has a new mate, Lochlan, who also enjoys exploring. They both got lost the other day in the school grounds when trying to keep up with a goldfinch (!). But Daniel found them, so all was well.

[Elizabeth] “Freddie though it was a terrific hoot. He really is his father’s son”

Freddie’s more interested in the Pony Clun than his school. But he and Lily don’t get much time to really escape – they get home, have a wee break, have their tea, then back onto their homework. Not much of a carefree life for a 12 year old, is it?


Laser Fray?

Jill wasn’t too sure what that was – I’m also not too sure myself.

Is it just a laser quest type thing?

Either way – all the kids are going out next Tuesday to it, for Josh’s birthday.

Again – Freddie and Lily don’t get much of a break. They have to be home by 8pm as it’s a school night.


Peggy is a tad maudlin

Actually – maybe maudlin isn’t the right word. She just seems to be accepting that Jack’s stroke could be the start of the end.

Jennifer thinks it is “encouraging” that he ‘only’ had a mild stroke.

[Peggy] “Hardly encouraging, dear … it’s affected his face and hand. All of his left side …

"This has all been so frightening for him …The plain fact is. He’s not a well man … he’s started on a journey which, no matter how long it takes, can only have one destination”"

[Jennifer] “It’s the same for all of us, isn’t it mum?”

[Peggy] “Yes … above all, I want the last part of jack’s life to be peaceful and happy … suppose after this the Laurel’s doesn’t feel able to look after him? … and if they won’t take him after he’s discharged, what on earth is going to happen to him?”

Back at home, with Elona working for Peggy full time (if Peggy can persuade her to stay)?

Poor Jack, and poor Peggy.

As I said above, if only we could all go quickly and quietly, like Phil.

The Archers Tuesday 2nd August 2011: Matt’s got another excuse to avoid the Snells’ party

• Josh or Pip?
• Business for Matt’s birthday
• Matt’s also pondering Paulhill
• Fond memories and hopeful future at Brookfield
• Pat’s on the radio

Josh or Pip?

Astonishment at Brookfield as Josh is out of bed at a decent hour (during his holidays) AND he wants to helping with the milking.

In fact, he wants to do the milking everyday while he’s on holiday.

Of course, that’s somewhat about an increase in his pocket money – but also:

[Josh] “I’ve got a lot to learn if I’m going to be like you (David), Mum and granddad”

Josh is even worrying about what would happen if they ever had to get rid of the cows (unprofitable milk yields, and so on).

So now David has something new to worry about.

Pip wants to be on the farm. And would seem Josh also wants to be on the farm. That would mean Brookfield having to support a potential of three families.

[David] “I was hoping Josh would become a premiership footballer and keep us all in the lap of luxury”

Nae luck!


Business for Matt’s birthday

Classic Pusscat and Tiger moment:

[Matt] “you were dead to the world”

[Lilian] “Slumbering peacefully, I think you’ll find”

But back to business – which is what Matt wants to do on his birthday, rather than go to the Snells’ party.

Seems some bloke called Ken Dickinson (who happens to use golden tees during golf) is having a barbeque on Sunday. He’s a major developer, has invited Matt and Lilian – so Matt’s only too glad to insist they go to his shindig instead of Lynda’s.

[Matt] “Finally, I’ve been buttering him up for months”

[Lilian] “Do you really want to spend your birthday doing business?”

[Matt] “More so than having me brain numbed by Lynda”

Lilian really does want to go to the Snells – James (and Leonie) will be there.

[Matt] “He might be disappointed you can’t go, but it’s the first time he’s wanted to come within spitting distance of me”

But sounds like Lilian will give up James and the Snells for Matt’s business networking.

Well, it is his birthday …


Matt’s also pondering Paulhill

The plot does thicken.

Matt’s remembered that Darrell (the bloke who also wants to buy the Farrier business) is the brother of one of the contractors he and Lilian know. After a wee bit of digging, he finds out that Darrell is going through a messy divorce, and is having to sell his house.

[Lilian] “Well done Tiger, that’s very interesting news”

Indeed.

Can we assume Darrell also isn’t in a financial position to outbid Chris?


Fond memories and hopeful future at Brookfield

Ruth’s telling Josh about how his granddad (Phil) brought the black and whites to Brookfield, replacing the shorthorns that Josh’s great-grandfather (Dan) had.

Ruth also remembers her view from Nightingale Farm, when she first moved to Ambridge:

[Ruth] “I never imagined that view would become my life”

[Josh] “You really love the cows, don’t you mum?”

[Ruth] “Yeah, of course. I’ve put a lot of hard work into them … I suppose it’s those moments when you stand back and see a strong, healthy herd producing value food, it reminds you why you do it, you know”

Pat’s on the radio

Pat’s having her interview with Wayne Folley at Radio Borchester.

She finally gets her chance to say her heartfelt piece about the kiddies:

[Pat] “Genuinely, it’s been the worst aspect of all this. We’re a small family run business, my daughter has recently had a baby, it really does break all our hearts to imagine how worried those parents must be”

When she gets back from the interview (which wasn’t live – so it’s still to air), Pat finds out that they’ve definitely lost Underwoods as an account. It’s their biggest customer, so not good news.

Especially now that they’re able to start production again.

Will there be anyone to produce for?

The Archers Sun 13th Feb 2011: Two Feet isn’t enough for Lynda

• Nigel’s racing mice
• Classic ghost stories aren’t appropriate
• Will no-one think of Eileen Titcombe?
• Royalty and a gluten free lady
• Do Royalty use the toilet?
• “I can’t settle to anything”
• Have we forgotten Phil already?
• Lynda glazes Ian
• Oliver lives!
• Enough already, Kenton and Jolene

Nigel’s racing mice

Kenton is proving to be quite a responsible and nice chap these days – well, at least when it comes to his niece and nephew.

He’s taken Lily and Freddie to the Science Museum today. Although they didn’t want to stay long (they do worry about mummy), but Kenton did have time to tell them of some happy memories about their father.

Kenton told them about Nigel’s racing mice.

[Kenton] “He even got Shula knitting them little racing jerseys …”

Freddie was quite tickled to realise that this wasn’t a childhood hobby – it was his dad in his thirties.

Ah Nigel. You did make us giggle.



Classic ghost stories aren’t appropriate

According to Elizabeth.

She seems to be quite annoyed that Lily is engrossed in a book – and thinks she shouldn't be reading it because it’s a ghost story. Even though Kenton reckons it’s a classic.

What’s wrong? The book itself (which we didn’t get to hear the title of), or that Lily is engrossed?


Will no-one think of Eileen Titcombe?

According to Elizabeth, one of the results of Lily having her head in a book is her not keeping her bedroom today.

Which just simply isn’t fair on Eileen and her vacuum.

Quite.

(though “vacuum” shows Elizabeth’s class – it’s most definitely a hoover in ma hoose!)



Royalty and a gluten free lady

Phew! Ian is going to have his work cut out for him.

And doesn’t he sound nervous.


Do Royalty use the toilet?

Lynda certainly seems to think so, and she’d be one I’d trust to know.

[Lynda] “Have you given any thought to the cloakroom arrangements?”

For goodness sake woman! Not content with forcing your way back onto shift, you now want to go to the toilet with Camilla.

Enough already. You’ll only embarrass yourself.



“I can’t settle to anything”

With the kids off to the Science Museum, Elizabeth has time to think.

Which isn’t comfortable for her at all.

[Jill] “Darling, it is how it is, I’m afraid, You're going to feel like that for a good while yet … it’s when there’s nothing to do and you’re by yourself. You start thinking.”

Have we forgotten Phil already?

Not quite, as the year anniversary of his death was on a non-eavesdropping day.

Quite startling to compare Nigel’s horrific to Phil’s rather gently fitting death.

But then again, Phil wouldn’t have been daft enough to have gone up on that roof.

Playing the piano to pigs was more his style.


Lynda glazes Ian

Lynda just isn’t going to give up on her dreams of a close brush with Camilla.
Being caught by Ian practising the moment she is introduced to Camilla:

[Lynda] “On wants to have a few conversational gambits to the ready … I have discovered the most similarities between her life and mine”

Seemingly Lynda reckons they will be bosom buddies are they are both grandmothers, and have a grandchild born in October.

Lynda seems to have missed the point that she isn’t actually due to be introduced during the Royal visit.

[Caroline] “You've got that glazed look Ian. What’s she been saying?”

[Ian] “Something about babies and being presented to the Duchess …”

[Caroline] “What? She’s not satisfied with being on the desk. She’s trying to gate-crash the tea now!”

Oliver lives!

Hurrah! He has been spotted tasting Ian’s samples of the food he’ll cook for Camilla.

Phew. I was about to head round to dig up Caroline’s patio.

Must say that he is being a tad useless. Didn’t he hand over the reins to Ed so that he could be of more use to Caroline at Grey Gables?


Enough already, Kenton and Jolene

[Kenton] “We’ll have to get together after the event and compare notes”

Kenton’s checking when Jolene’s has her days off, so that they can get together again to see how they did during Valentine’s.

[Kenton] “See who did best at fleecing the gullible romantics of Borchester”

Fair enough. They’re in the same trade. They’re both having Valentine’s themed evenings. And they have time on their hands.

One should never assume that just because two folks are single and spending time together that they’re being, or heading towards being, ‘intimate’ – but surely these two are making enough hints collectively for one of them to do something about it?

I reckon they would make a grand couple.

Even though Kenton would – yet again – be under the shadow of Saint Sid.

The Archers Sun 28th Nov 2010: A church full of Archers

The Archers: All at Church ... Kenton's not wanted ... Lynda needs to get a grip

• Waiting for a Wonder
• Alan takes his chance for a guilt trip
• Amy’s being interviewed
• John: gone but not forgotten?
• Kenton’s not welcome at the Lower Loxley Antiques Fayre
• "Dick Whittington takes priority over Cheltenham!"

Waiting for a Wonder

Jill was certainly surprised to all her clan turn up for church – and even more so to hear Pip play Phil’s favourite advent hymn, Waiting for Wonder.

Where I normally have a moan about Ambridge only letting us eavesdrop in on ‘fillers’, I thought hearing the residents singing this hymn was a very fitting, and moving, tribute to our Phil.

And despite Pip reckoning she had:

“managed to stagger through without too many mistakes …it was a bit approximate”

I reckon, she did him proud.



Alan takes his chance for a guilt trip

Wasn’t Alan just revealing in giving all of those part-time church goers a hard time!

[Alan to Pat] “to what do we owe the pleasure?”

But he did soften at the sight of so many of Phil’s nearest and dearest paying tribute.

[Alan] “It’s lovely to see the church so full of archers”

Amy’s being interviewed

A return to Ambridge considering she’s being interviewed at Felpersham?

It could be perfect timing. Maybe Helen will listen to a qualified expert (though why other mums aren’t experts, I do not know).

She really does seem to be a chip of the old Alan-block. Immediately after hearing that Helen wasn’t having the easiest of times with her pregnancy, Amy makes practical and comforting sense:

“Babies are usually made to fit their mums”

John: gone but not forgotten?

My word – Pat at his graveside was the first mention of John Archer in many a moon.
Amy offers help

Kenton’s not welcome at the Lower Loxley Antiques Fayre

Bless. It’s because he ‘thinks’ he knows it all. And then starts arguments.


"Dick Whittington takes priority over Cheltenham!"

Oh dear.

Lynda is starting to lose the ‘plot’ a bit (see what I did there!)

Furious that folks have a life out with the Panto, Lynda is starting to relax her grip on reality.

Still, there is hope. According to Elizabeth, there’s plenty of time for Nigel to practise his prat falls …

The Archers Sun 21st Nov 2010: Stir-up Sunday

The Archers: Helen is working … Kathy’s drunk herself asleep … Freddie is a bit dim … Jill is thinking of Phil

• Helen’s spreading
• I’d never heard of Mrs Miniver
• Kathy’s round again
• Poor Freddie isn’t the brightest spark
• “Do you remember last year, when granddad helped us?”
• The heifer is ready for AI
• Tony won’t listen
• Neither will Helen

Helen’s spreading

After trying to first work off those crusty bits (round the edge of the pie dish), Helen’s idea of spreading the workload (to take things easier, as everyone is nagging her to do) is to do a stocktake. On a Sunday.

*sigh*

[Pat] “Tony – you don’t feel this is a good idea?”

[Tony] “Well, you know what I think”

Helen has also decided that she’s going to work up to 2 weeks before her due date.

But all Tony can think to do is ask if Helen has a coat to wear back to the shop.

He’s still not accepting that Helen decided to have her baby by herself.

But, from the way Helen’s behaving, I somehow think Tony will have to step up to help, whether he likes the situation or not.


I’d never heard of Mrs Miniver

But it’s seemingly a classic that won 6 Oscars.


Kathy’s round again

So Tony’s off out to work rather than have to sit and listen to her moaning.

He later complained that she canned a while bottle of red wine.

Well, at least that made her fall asleep!



Poor Freddie isn’t the brightest spark

We’d know that for a while now, but Freddie’s lack of academic prowess is now proving to potentially block Elizabeth’s and Nigel’s plans for his education.

[Nigel] “Have to have a think about Freddie … he won’t pass the entrance exam”

[Elizabeth] “Such a shame it is all about this exam – such a sweet child”

Well and truly putting his nose up at the thought of Freddie having to go to Borchester Green if he fails the entrance exams, Nigel’s determined to make sure Freddie doesn’t fail in the first place.

[Elizabeth] “Why are you being so pessimistic?”

[Nigel] “I’m trying to be realistic … Freddie will have to work with Rosemary over Christmas”

[Elizabeth] “A fun maths lesson is hardly as fun as a snowball fight!”

Indeed Elizabeth!

And wait until Lilly finds out that she has to suffer maths throughout Christmas along with Freddie.


“Do you remember last year, when granddad helped us?”

As Elizabeth gets her two ready to go to Jill’s for their traditional Stir-up Sunday, he points out that his family missed out on such homely traditions:

[Nigel] “The only thing my mother ever stirred up was trouble”

For us Ambridge Eavesdroppers, Stir-up Sunday now also holds a special significance, as it was the last time we heard Phil Archer speak.

A poignant day, but one still enjoyed by the family.

[Jill] “Do you remember last year, when granddad helped us? He found a sixpence with the year of his birth … we’ll put it in the pudding today … and every year”

Later on, as everyone makes their wish as they stir (wee Freddie was the slowest, bless him):

[Elizabeth] “I can expect you can guess what my wish is, mum”

[Jill] “Yes, it’s probably the same as mine”

Aw. Gone but very much not forgotten, is our Phil.

And at least Freddie had fun:

[Freddie] “Grandma let me lick the bowl”

[Nigel] “ Was it nice?”

[Freddie] “well, I felt a bit sick after …”

The heifer is ready for AI

Do you think Pat will make sure Tony checks the heifer is okay with being made pregnant again? She should, what with all her feminist principles. And considering that the heifer seemed to having quite a nice time with another heifer …

Or will Tony give the heifer a hard time for having a calf sans bull? I think not …



Tony won’t listen

Amongst the heifer-on-heifer action, Pat tries to talk to Tony about Helen. But he’s just not interested.

[Pat] “I just wish I could get her to talk honestly about how she feels inside … she’s always got this brittle shell on”

As Tony tries to wander off again, he comes out with:

[Tony] “Come on Pat! Helen’s done this whole baby thing exactly as she wanted. She hasn’t listened to a word of sense from anyone. “What on earth makes you think she’ll start now!?!”

Neither will Helen

Pat calls Helen to check she’s okay. She’s found still in the shop, still doing the stock take, at 8pm (on a Sunday).

Helene seemingly had an idea about how to recognise the spices, but it didn’t work, so had to put them back again.

As Pat starts to work herself up into a rant, but Helen basically hangs up on her.

I’m telling you. Force Helen into a small room with all her nearest and dearest, and don’t let her out until she sees sense.

Otherwise … we’re heading for yet another Helen disaster.

The Archers Tues 9th Nov 2010: Harry (finally) properly loses his temper

The Archers: Kenton and Jolene go shopping … Jazzer burns the porridge … Tom’s an irritant

• Ruth and Pip tackle a right cow
• Kenton and Jolene have it large
• I Love The Bull has had an impact, but …
• The Blues Brothers is like pulling on an old jumper
• Pip plays in tribute
• Will a Harry/Jazzer combo be better than Jim?
• Tom’s sparky ideas
• All because of a tuna bake …

Ruth and Pip tackle a right cow

[Pip] “I’m fine with it, and she’s not very big”

[Ruth] “I want to trim round the buds, don’t want the iron clogging up”

While the poor cow gets seen to, Ruth has yet another go at Pip about College.

Maybe it’s just me, but Pip does seem to have settled down. So surely Ruth can trust her to make her decision.

And hasn’t Ruth learned that nagging Pip makes her do the exact opposite?


Kenton and Jolene have it large

Well, not quite, but Kenton seemed to be in fine feckle as he was driving himself and Jolene to the bar supplier.

“It’s 12 miles to weighbridge, tank full of gas and a packet of cheese and onion”

That’s Kenton’s version of The Blues Brothers.

“Sorry, I’ll shut up”

That’s Kenton apologising to Jolene for playing the fool.

“If I can find the right novelty cocktail shakers, the hordes will start flooding in”

That’s Kenton jesting.

After their relatively fruitful supplier shopping – it involved red leather banquettes, serviettes, colouring sheers (for the kiddies) and a dancing penguin, Kenton and Jolene sit down for a pub lunch.

Which was served with a side of guilt for Jolene.

She felt she shouldn’t be enjoying herself when she should’ve been at work.

But, since Bonfire night, Jolene has been a bit down again.

“Two steps forward, one step back with me at the moment”

And while it’s been good for Jolene to have a day out, it’s also been a day full of Sid reminders.

First The Blues Brothers. Then the fact that she hasn’t gone shopping for the pub since she went to New Zealand with Sid.

Still – Kenton seemed to be doing a grand old job of cheering Jolene up.

What with his wind up dancing penguin and polar bear shaped ice cubes, Kenton had Jolene laughing and gwaffing.

Good. That’s a dramatic improvement on the shadow of a woman that has been Jolene.

And do we think these two could become more than just bar supply shopping buddies???


We Love The Bull has had an impact, but …

Jolene says that Christmas bookings in the restaurant are down.

What more can we do?

513 supporters on Facebook

580 on Twitter

What else could we be doing???



The Blues Brothers is like pulling on an old jumper

According to Jolene.

She was talking about how she and Sid used to love watching The Blues Brothers. Sid even used to sing along.

Now why didn’t we get to eavesdrop to such golden moments?

As Kenton put it:

“That must be the hardest part – losing those sort of moments”

Maybe it’s better Jolene does have some memories that are just her own.


Pip plays in tribute

Valda is teaching Pip how to play ‘Waiting for Wonder’ for the Advent service.

As it’s the first time Pip’s granddad (Phil) isn’t there to play at the service.

“If I can manage, it would feel like a real tribute”

Aw! It’s as if Jude had never happened.



Will a Harry/Jazzer combo be better than Jim?

Hmmm.

While Jim was a bit too academic in his questions, I have grave doubts about Harry and Jazzer’s ability to be joint Quiz Master.

Especially considering the hoo-ha later on today.


Tom’s sparky ideas

As well as thoroughly irritating Tony, Tom’s also doing Jazzer’s “head in”.

And when Tom annoys Tony, everyone suffers:

[Jazzer] “He’s going about like a boar with an itchy backside who’s just seen his favourite scratching post burst into flames”

All because of a tuna bake …

Harry offer to make tuna bake for Jazzer.

Jazzer doesn’t seem to really fancy it, so decides to make porridge instead.

“Only time to eat porridge is for a sesh … it lines the stomach”

Harry later arrives home to find Jazzer was cooking his porridge, but forgot about it when chatting on the phone with one of his lady friends.

Forgotten porridge still cooking = one ruined pan.

And one very … VERY … annoyed Harry.

[Harry] “you’ve wrecked my new cast iron pond and bent one of my chefs knives”

[Harry] “DON’T INTERRUPT” (followed by a very loud bang as he slammed, what I assume, was the aforementioned pan)

[Jazzer] “Mooth shutting up noo …”

And I have to give Jazzer credit for so quickly realising that the best tactic was to be humble rather than argumentative.

Harry then let rip about all of Jazzer’s faults.

That he is a “dustbin … blasts music … helps self to food … don’t cook clean or shop” and now has

“Just destroyed best two bits of cookware I ever had!”

Oh, the humanity!

[Jazzer] “Aye, that was unfortunate”

[Harry] “Take take take, never a thought for anyone else”

[Jazzer] “How did you no drop some kind of hint … I thought you were just mithering on like ma ma – you should have just came straight out with it”

[Jazzer] “Don’t worry about your wee pot and knife”

But Jazzer soon changed his tune when he realised that it would take £100 to replace the pot and knife.

“A hundred quid for 2 bits of tin … phew, that’s a lot of beer”

However, Jazzer was also aware that he’d finally pushed his luck with Harry:

[Jazzer] “I can do thoughtful and helping”

[Harry] “If you really want to prove it … there’s something you can do for someone else … and it’s simply not negotiable”

Oo-er! Could that be related to a Panto, per chance?

I am glad that Harry has shown he’s human, but, when he finally stood up for himself, he was a tad scary.

I’ll say it again – who really is this Harry bloke???

10th March 2010

• Totally forgot about Tom’s Sausages and Brenda the Flyer
• Who’s the chosen one?

Totally forgot about Tom’s Sausages and Brenda the Flyer

It’s been a while since it’s been mentioned, and I’d totally forgotten Tom and Brenda’s engagement.

Shame that it was mentioned during a blazing row – but what do you expect from an engagement which came hot on the heels of a reconciliation?

And of course, Tom has to be a pompous ass about Brenda’s frustration at her lack of career.

The boy just won’t be able to accept that not the whole world revolves around, or is inspired and in awe of, Tom’s Sausages.

“What more do you want?”

Ah Tom. So, so, so, so much more. Brenda should’ve gone off on that world trip …


Who’s the chosen one?

So the Great Blazer Mystery begins on earnest.

@eddie_grundy reckons it’s Bert (“surely not for me?”) but I think the field is fairly wide open at this stage.

Of course, the mention of Bert’s visit to Phil’s grave was timely – and he would be an obvious choice.

Though maybe needs-must in Eddie’s case?

24th Feb 2010

• Slow day in Ambridge
• “These are not just any sausages – they’re Tom Archer organic sausages”
•  Is The Archers really being run by a band of ‘feminist gods’?

Slow day in Ambridge

Course, it’s inevitable that everything would slip back a pace after Phil’s funeral.

But I did think this was a bit of a non-episode (some blokes eat sausages; another bloke is encouraged to eat his sandwich) .

However, it does look like Ted is going to feature quite significantly in Peggy’s life.


“These are not just any sausages – they’re Tom Archer organic sausages”

Also have to give a ‘shout-out’ to Alan for his M&S rendition:


Is The Archers really being run by a band of ‘feminist gods’?

Anyone read The Archers by William Smethurst?

If so – was it just me – or did he get a tad hysterical towards the end of his book when he was talking about Ambridge ‘under’ Vanessa Whitburn in the mid 90’s?

Seemingly, Mike and Brian were picked on by the writers because they were men – whereas the women came out of strife without a character blemish. One even became a ‘lively member of the WI’!

If that’s all feminism does do for women ...

23rd Feb 2010

Left the world better than he found it

A very fitting tribute to both Phil Archer and Norman Painting.

Norman did indeed leave the world a better place, even just for his involvement in The Archers – one of the original cast members, and as Archers scriptwriter Bruno Milna. As Phil was to Ambridge, Norman was to The Archers

"Woven horizontally into the fabric of village life"

He has achieved success he who has lived well, loved often and loved much

As Jill said, this is where life without Phil really begins

"So final like a full stop"

I could also have done without Jude in this episode – David’s

“Wish she’d get off the phone to Jude. She should be circulating”

was an irritating aside that, while is pertinent to that storyline, felt like an intrusion.

That’s probably just me annoyed that my sobbing was interrupted ...

"He’ll always be remembered with love"

22nd Feb 2010

• Get a grip Pip!
• Really going to mess up my seating plan
• Kenton the sheep

Get a grip Pip!

It’s not easy to forget that Pip’s a teenager. What a insensitive wee madam!

Even if Jude wasn’t a bloke one may suspect is a trifle suspect (what 28 year old thinks it’s okay to date a teenager!?!) – and even if David and Ruth were okay with this relationship – what is Pip thinking in suggesting she ‘sits at the back’?

David’s sense of funeral etiquette aside, Pip should have an inkling that her dad, grandmother, rest of family will need her to be with them.

Silly sausage isn’t doing Jude’s reputation any favours.



Really going to mess up my seating plan

David’s kept busy since Phil died, so it’s not surprising he is so focused on who and what at the funeral.

Should kids who are just 9 have to be at a funeral? Would attending be of benefit to them?

I’m not convinced by David’s arguments, and he’s being a tad insensitive to Elizabeth (who’s shouldered most of the responsibility of helping Jill since Phil died).


Kenton the sheep

In between the rubbish Kenton sometimes spouts, he reminds you that he’s never quite been seen to rise to the name of Archer.

“I was a black sheep in dad’s eyes – and he didn’t rate sheep.”

Bless his cotton socks.

12th & 14th Feb 2010

He was such a lovely man


It doesn’t feel right to say anything other than to repeat Jill's sentiment on finding her Valentine’s card from Phil.

"He was such a lovely man"

10th Feb 2010

• It’ll be a sad day indeed
• Ambridge sorted Annette out
• You never know who you’re going to meet next

It’ll be a sad day indeed

Looks like the rumours are true that Phil will be leaving us. Jill’s already heading down memory lane.

The difference between Jill and Peggy will be stark and awkward. As Jill said, Jack’s still here.

The last scene Norman Painting recorded, Stir-up Sunday, was a lovely one. He’s sorely missed, just as Phil Archer will be.


Ambridge sorted Annette out

“She was a real mess when she turned up. As least she sorted herself out.”

Come now Helen – even without you knowing who the baby’s father was (that bombshell will keep) – one can hardly say that Ambridge was a good experience for Annette.

Being treated like a shag-buddy by Jazzer, having to put up with Susan’s continuous moaning about the new arrangements for the Village shop, living with Helen (constant nagging about tidiness, stimulating (!) nights in with wine and DVDs, never being left alone to sort out her own thoughts etc), all the memories of her dad, not really making any friends of her own age, having an abortion ...

All Ambridge has done is scar Annette even further.

And, leaving to go and live with your Gran is hardly going onwards and upwards (no disrespect, but it’s still hardly the life that a young lass should be leading).


You never know who you’re going to meet next

Kirsty’s bird man is back, seems like quite a decent bloke and has a name (Patrick).

For a moment, it sounded like Kirsty was going to turn him down, and Helen seemed interested enough to volunteer to take her place.

Perhaps a bit of a cat-fight over a man in the offing?

Or, is Helen about to sample the delights of the veg man’s son?