Ambridge Extra Thursday 9th June 2011: Alice snogs Chas

• What’s a ‘sick’ picture?
• Nic hasn’t much of an imagination
• Sid’s birthday
• Chas breaks Reggie’s mobile phone
• Steve and Marty make plans for Jamie
• Chas cannae kiss!

What’s a ‘sick’ picture?

Marty is (again) talking rubbish to Jamie when he’s (again) trying to study.

[Marty] “Since when did you start hanging out with the nerds in the library!”

But then Marty goes on to talk about how Steve has a ‘sick’ picture of someone called Josie Watkins.

That sounds like a rather horrible picture to me – or does it mean that it’s good?

(and I’m increasingly annoyed by Ambridge Extra making me feel old when I’m only in my kid thirties).


Nic hasn’t much of an imagination

Nic still has no idea how to get Fallon up Lakey Hill for her surprise treat.

She does come up with a bit of an odd plan – to put on a treasure hunt, which Fallon would take part in, and be led up Lakey Hill as part of a clue.

Rhys quite rightly points out the major flaws in Nic’s idea – that she’d have to advertise the Treasure Hunt; that others might take part; that Fallon might be too dim to solver the clues; that Fallon may not even want to do a Treasure hunt …

… but what’s his idea? He did, after all, dump the task of getting Fallon up Lakey Hill onto Nic – when, after all, it was he and Kirsty need to make up with Fallon.

Rhys comes up with winching Fallon down from a helicopter, or strapping her to a quad bike.

Very helpful.

[Nic] “I don’t know why I’m doing this”

[Rhys] “It’s because you’re a lovely person”

(oooh – Nic and Rhys?)


Sid’s birthday

After telling Marty to go away when he was trying to study in the library, Jamie starts ranting (to, rather than at) Natalie about how he should have done more revision, months ago, rather than just before his exam.

But then the real reason for his anxiety comes out:

[Jamie] “I just miss him, alright … everything’s changed … why did it have to get screwed up … u just want things to be like they used to be?”

He’d actually been reading books about life after death, when he was in the library.

Jamie’s verdict? They were all rubbish, and he is truly on its own.


Chas breaks Reggie’s mobile phone

I’ve said it before. Chas is a right ar*e.

He’s back at Reggie’s, hassling him for money.

Unlucky for Reggie, Chas turned up early – so managed to avoid have to deal with Reggie’s brother Lesley again.

When Reggie tries to call Lesley, Chas breaks his phone. It then sounded like Chas had hit him. And made off with his telly.

Ar*e.



Steve and Marty make plans for Jamie

Steve reckons Jamie is a mummy’s boy.

So he and Marty make plans to get Jamie “completely slaughtered” on Monday night, when his exams are over.

It didn’t sound like “getting slaughtered” was meant in a good way.


Chas cannae kiss!

Alice’s final exams are over, so she’s celebrating with Paulie, and his girlfriend – drinking games first, then off to see The Undertones (a popular Hit Parade band).

Chas comes in when Paulie had been forced to admit that he’d kiss Dermot O’Leary (they’re playing truth or dare). And Alice reckons that Adam thought that Paulie was quite cute.

(and???)

Chas is in a good mood (well, he’s probably just sold Reggie’s telly for £50), and is ‘well up’ for a party.

When it’s his truth at truth or dare, Alice asks him for the truth of what he really thought when she told him she’d married Chris.

[Chas] “I thought … lucky Chris”

(aye, right you did. I’m sure there were a few more expletives in mind).

Alice’s turn. She wouldn’t tell the truth of say who she’d fantasised “shagging” at Uni – so she was dared (by Paulie’s girlfriend) to snog Chas.

So they do.

After the deed:

[Chas] “That was okay, wasn’t it?”

[Alice – without much enthusiasm] “Yeah … who is next?”

Laugh at Chas?

Yes. Yes I did.

Ambridge Extra Thursday 2nd June 2011: Jamie needs new mates

(which we all know, but he might listen to Natalie saying it as well)

• Pip goes to see Elizabeth
• Fallon’s in a huff?
• A smashing time was had by all
• Does Marty have a deeply sinister side?
• “Shut up Steve!”
• Shame Jamie doesn’t have cojones like Natalie
• Mrs Parker
• Chas is no match for Lesley

Pip goes to see Elizabeth

And gets a warm welcome. Elizabeth is happy to see her, and is going to arrange for her to work at The Orangery during the Summer.

But, Elizabeth isn’t as receptive to Pip trying to talk about David.

Pip tells Elizabeth how upset David is, and

[Pip] “Isn’t it bad enough, what happened to Uncle Nigel … there’s no point in us being angry with each other … can’t we just be a family again?”

[Elizabeth] “I can’t forgive give him … I lost my husband, doesn’t that count for anything thing?”

Elizabeth tells Pip that she is “immensely fond” of her. But, that what’s happened with David is between her and David.

Wonderfully reasonable is Elizabeth, yet again (!). She’s the adult, yet she can’t see what position she’s putting Pip in. And how she (Elizabeth) is making Pip’s home life rather hellish.

But at least Pip has a rather spiffing new man in her life.

[Pip] “She really hates him … she looks so hurt”

[Spencer] “Just try not worry … I’m here, you’ve got me now”

(still can’t quite believe Spencer and Steve are actually brothers).


Fallon’s in a huff?

Fallon isn’t returning Kirsty’s calls.

Nic has told Kirsty that she saw Fallon looking at her phone when it rang, and turning it to silent.

So she is avoiding Kirsty, after Kirsty and Rhys made a bit of a fool of her at the party (by pretending they were engaged).

I’d feel a bit embarrassed if I was Fallon, and a bit annoyed my mates couldn’t have told me that I’d been too eager to try and push them together. But Falling out with them?

Probably not. Unless I little else that living vicariously through other people’s relationships …


A smashing time was had by all

Jamie bumps Natalie (and her two mates) who are waiting for him in the pub, to go with Steve and Marty to smash an old warehouse’s windows.

Brilliant decision making there, Jamie.

They have a jolly old time, until they hear a dog barking – assume it’s security – so leg it. In the process of which, Jamie cuts his hand.



Does Marty have a deeply sinister side?

When he discovers a female dummy in the warehouse, his first reaction is to burn her.

That’s a bit worrying.


“Shut up Steve!”

I like that young lady, Natalie.

Not sure what she sees in Jamie (in his current guise – I still reckon he’s a nice enough chap underneath it all), but she at least sees Steve and Marty for the morons they are. And isn’t scared of telling them.


Shame Jamie doesn’t have cojones like Natalie

Natalie’s bumped into Jamie as he, Steve and Marty are running away from the warehouse security (though they actually could just be running away from an angry Pekingese, out for its evening walk).

She notices Jamie’s cut hand, and tries to see if he is okay. But Steve won’t have it. Natalie wanting to be sure that Jamie isn’t badly hurt is somehow offensive to Steve;

[Steve] “We hang together, just tell her, or you going to let yourself be whipped by a girl?”

[Jamie, to Natalie] “No, look, get off! I’m not your baby, alright .. .what is it with girls, you don’t own me!”

[Steve] “Did you hear the man? He’s standing tall with his boys”

So, once again, Jamie chooses his mates over a girl. Which would be fair enough, if his mates were actually worth anything.

For whatever reason, Natalie is still speaking to Jamie the next day. He tries to explain that he didn’t mean anything that he said (but he did say it), and she tells him that she doesn’t like him when he’s round his mates.

[Jamie] “I only said those things cause Steve and Marty was there”

What a wuss!

As well as pointing out that Jamie turns onto a muppet when he’s round Steve and Marty, Natalie also thinks Jamie needs to put his exams first.

[Natalie] “ …decent grades or Steve and Marty? … it’s more important than looking good in front of them”

Wonder if there are enough anti-moronic-mates feeling around to help Jamie actually tell Steve and Marty where to go? Kathy, Jolene, Fallon, Rhys, and now Natalie, are all saying that Jamie needs to crack on with what’s important, rather than be ‘cool’ for his pals.


Mrs Parker

Mrs Parker is Jackie Parker’s mum.

Jackie went missing from Alice’s Uni.

And it’s all Chas’ fault. He lent Jackie money, and been harassing her ever since. She chose to disappear rather than have to cope with him anymore.

Jackie’s disappearance has dropped Chas right in it (he now can’t pay back his financier, brother-in-law Vince), so Chas is desperate to find her.

Which involves calling her parents, and pretending he’s a friend in an attempt to tease Jackie’s address of her (rather upset) mum.

First time round, Mrs Parker doesn’t want to tell Chas where Jackie is, but sounded like that was because her husband had told her not to say anything to anyone.

But, Mrs Parker has mistaken Chas for someone she can trust. So calls him back, to tell him that Jackie is at a friend’s in Newcastle.

[Mrs Parker] “I just someone to tell her we love her”

[Chas] “But don’t worry … I’ll find your daughter”

Oops. Jackie better keep running. Unless she also has a meathead brother.


Chas is no match for Lesley

Chas is back trying to hassle Reggie – but interesting that he calls him rather than go round and play the big man in person. Not after Chas had the run in with Reggie’s brother Lesley, and lost.

[Chas] “You haven’t got your meathead brother to answer for you now”

Nae luck Chas! It is “the meathead” who has answered the phone.

[Lesley] “If you go anywhere near my little brother, I’ve got a few ways of settling things myself, understand me son?”

So Chas has to back off again.

Methinks Reggie might not be paying back Chas any money anytime soon. If at all.

Ambridge Extra Thursday 5th May 2011: Fallon creates a good old fashioned farce

click the title above, or the 'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Can we provide Reggie with a large dog?
• “I tuck that”
• Because the lady does love cigarettes
• Oh, how we laughed at Fallon and Rhys
• Chris is not amused with Alice
• Rhys is a funny chap!

Can we provide Reggie with a large dog?

Or a gun? A big man? Or a big group of men? Or, a big group of really irritated women?

Anything to help Reggie make that obnoxious Chas go away.

It’s bad enough that Chas took £150 from Reggie when it would leave Reggie with not enough money for food (Reggie did borrow the money in the first place, and could simply be pleading poverty, but I’d believe and support anyone over Chas).

But worse that Reggie also has to listen to the worst ‘hard man’ routine ever uttered.


“I tuck that”

Can anyone translate the following:

[Steve] “Oh Bev yeah, of course, I tuck that … I gave her some of the Stevie love”

Tuck that?

Is that just a daytime use of the F word???



Because the lady does love cigarettes

[Steve] “Natalie’s gagging for it, and Jamie needs to get out there”

So Jamie gets goaded into going over and offering Natalie a fag … (such romance!).

But it seems to work. Jamie’s meeting Natalie later on.


Oh, how we laughed at Fallon and Rhys!

Fallon asks Rhys to Kirsty’s barbeque.

He thought he was working.

You could hear him turn a bit green when Fallon told him that she’d changed the shifts so that they could go to Kirsty’s together.

I always though Fallon was a bit of a ‘babe’, but she’s obviously not Rhys’ type.

He panicked, and started waffling about how his mum lives in Spain, his mum’s sister (Aunty Jean) lives in Wales. He needs to go and see her as he now has his day off:

[Rhys] “gotta keep in with her if I ever want to inherit her collection of China dogs”

Pressed further by Fallon, Rhys then gently breaks it to her that he likes her and all that, but that she’s his boss. And has experience of the dangers of going out with the boss.

[Rhys] “When it goes wrong, they’re slicing a lemon and you’re wondering where it will go next … not that I’m saying you’re violent … what are the changes of their being two psycho females running pubs in Borchester!”

But all’s well that ends well. Fallon reassures him that she’s not interested in him (which led to a ‘oh … why ever not?’ type response from Rhys), and that they’re going as mates.

Think she should tell him about Kirsty?



Chris is not amused with Alice

After taking all of poor Reggie’s money, Chas hassles Alice to forgo studying so that he can take her out to dinner. On him. Using Reggie’s money (not that Alice is aware of that).

Chas even manages to get Alice into a nice frock.

As Alice and Chas return all giggly and flushed after their meal, they find they have a surprise guest.

Mr Alice Carter (or simply ‘Chris’ to his mates).

Alice has left her phone at home, so Chris was let in by Alice’s other flatmate.

Chris has something important to tell Alice, but she was too tiddly to listen. So Chris has another go in the morning.

[Chris] “I thought you were working last night… looking like that?”

Calming down a tad, Chris tells Alice that his boss is retiring – and is dropping very large hints that Chris could take over the business.

But, to do that, his boss is also hinting that the business needs a new van now. And that his previous apprentice is also interested.
So, Chris needs to buy a van. They have some money aside, but not quite enough.

After Chris has left to go back home, Alice tells Chas all. Who is very, very, interested.

Chas lends Chris the money? Chas tries to get heavy when Chris can repay? Chris shows Chas exactly what damage his ‘wee hammer’ can do???


Rhys is a funny chap!

Rhys seems like a nice, as well as quite an amusing, bloke.

He might actually be in the running to challenge Jazzer for his crown in classic one-liners.

[Rhys] “You know, we’re used to waiting for things in Wales …grand slam …evolution … sunshine”