Tracey sends Clive back to prison: Thurs 27.12.12 #ambridgeextra

Ambridge Extra Thursday 27th December 2012

• Clive’s got a sore head
• “He’s gone to Felpersham to meet some bloke about a Captain Pickard”
• Tracy has a plan
• Bert saves Poochy
• Poochy saves everyone!

Clive’s got a sore head

I bet he does.

Clive has had to call his boss, and his customers, to apologise for being late.

He’s slept in.

Daft laddie doesn’t realise he was drugged.


“He’s gone to Felpersham to meet some bloke about a Captain Pickard”

I wish Gary would speak.

He sounds hilarious!

[Bert] “He’s gone to Felpersham to meet some bloke about a Captain Pickard”

[Tracey] “Another one!”

Ha!

I reckon Gary could be a whole spin off eavesdropping episode of his own.


Tracy has a plan

Donna’s terrified.

[Donna] “What if he never woke up for the sleeping pills I gave him?”

She’s lucky she’s got Tracey onside, and willing.

Tracey tells Donna to call Clive, and ask her to pick her up from her house, in Ambridge.

Clive agrees to, but is fuming. He’s already behind with work after having slept in (though he still has no clue what happened).

When Clive turns up, Tracey will then call the Police. By the terms of Clive’s parole, he’s not allowed in Ambridge.

The Police nab Clive, Clive goes to prison, Donna’s free.


Bert saves Poochy

Also part of Tracey’s plan was to get Bert out of the house.

She asks him to go round to Donna’s to walk Poochy. Even paying for a minicab and giving him extra for a pint at The Bull while he waits for it.

When Bert gets into Donna’s, he can hear Poochy grumbling, but can’t find her.

Turns out Clive had locked her up (sounded like a cupboard) and her tied up.

Clive really should be sent to life in prison just for that alone.


Poochy saves everyone!

When Clive gets to Tracey’s, he’s not in a very good mood.

[Clive] “I’m just here to get what’s mine and then I’m gone.”

Though Tracey and Donna keep trying to stall him, and also  make an excuse to use the phone, Clive keeps thwarting them.

When Clive catches Tracey trying to call, her smashes her mobile. Though she does manages to make the call from another phone when Clive’s busy beating on Donna.

But Daft Donna proves again she’s not that daft.

While she’d been sent to spruce herself up (by Clive), she lifted his car keys.

Clive goes berserk.

Donna’s trying to hide from him, but he breaks the door down, grans her hair and even bites her hand to try and get his keys.

Actually – very brutal and disturbing.

Tracey gets into the room as well, takes Clive’s keys, and chucks them out the window.

Clive hits Tracey.

[Clive] “Don’t think I’m going to forget about this Tracey, you’ll get what’s coming to you!”

[Tracey] “I’m not scared of you!!”

Atta girl Tracey.

Just when it looks like someone is going to get badly hurt. Bert turns up with Poochy. Who attacks Clive and keeps his from hurting anyone or running away.

(Poochy, not Bert!)

[Clive] “Call her off!”

[Donna] “No chance.”

We can hear Police sirens on the background.

[Tracey] “Listen Clive, hear that?”

[Clive] “You’ve dobbed me into the cops. I’m your brother!”

[Tracey] “You’ve brought it on yourself. Kiss it all goodbye, cause you’ll be back in jail for supper.”

Phew!

That was rather disturbing.

I don’t suppose Clive will ever be welcome by anyone Horrobin from hereon. Mind you, they say that every time …

Will Tracey also now forgive Emma for grassing?

And will Clive be put into the same Prison, wing, room … as Keith? That could make life even worse for Keith.

Donna escapes Clive: Tues 25.12.12 #ambridgeextra

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 25th December 2012

• I think it’s boxing day?
• Clive answers Donna’s phone to Keith
• Donna drugs Clive
• Keith looks awful
• Tracey has a heart

I think it’s boxing day?

Hard to tell in in Ambridge Extra land.


Clive answers Donna’s phone to Keith

[Keith] “What are you doing in our house?!?”

Clive claims he’s fixing a tap.

Then hangs up on Keith, and doesn’t tell Donna she’s called.

(hsssssssss!)


Donna drugs Clive
Clive had let himself to Donna’s. He then demanded to know where she’d been, and where she was off to this afternoon. He stakes her handbag, including her visiting order to see Keith this afternoon. He’ll give them back:

[Chris] “When I’m ready. Til then,. You’re going nowhere.”

(hssssssssss!)

Clive then wants to watch a film, but Donna can’t find Poochy.


Clive’s tied Poochy up in the garden.

(hssssssssss!)

Clive then demands a cup of tea.

Which Donna promptly drugs with pills.

[Donna] “Enough to knock out a horse.”

Hurrah!

Not such a  Daft Donna after all.


Keith looks awful

Tracey was in seeing Keith, and he sounded a bit muffled at first.

Turns out he had his hand over his mouth to try and hide the fact he’d ‘lost’ a tooth.

H also hasn’t shaved, and has lost weight.

[Tracey] “So you’ve given up on yourself, have you?”

Sounds like it.

But the gang that’s beating him up every day also won’t be helping. When we hear Keith trying to settle down for the night later on, it’s to calls of “we’re going to get you, Horrobin!”

Keith’s more worried about Donna than himself. He hasn’t been able to speak to her for 2 weeks, and he’s not at all amused that Clive’s at his house. Keith’s worried Tracey told Clive about the loan shark, and Clive’s there to see him off.

(which I suppose could be a good and a bad thing)

But Keith suspects there’s more to it.

[Keith] “It’s killing me, this not knowing. Has she left me Tracey?”

Tracey comes good, and covers for Donna. She says Donna can’t cope with seeing Keith in prison.

But then, Donna turns up. And bless Keith – he notices she’s changed her hair (it must be love!).

Donna’s about to tell Keith about Clive, but Keith tells her first that she’s all that gives him hope. So she keeps stum.

Tricky.


Tracey has a heart

After their visit with Keith.

[Tracey] “It’s a good job we’re in a public place as my hand is itching to slap your face!”

Tracey starts shouting at Donna. Donna starts crying. Tracey realises there’s more to this horrible situation with Clive.

[Tracey] “I know I’ve got a big gob, but I’ve been known to shut up once in a  while and listen.”

Donna tells Tracey about drugging Clive.

[Donna] “He terrifies me.”

Seems Donna genuinely thought Clive was just loaning her the money (Daft Donna!):

[Donna] “It was the house and me he wanted.”

Donna reckons she was just so alone, so desperate that someone taking charge and looking after her made her feel safe. Course, Clive want repayment in kinds …

[Tracey] “He’d do that to his own brother. I don’t believe it … right! …”

Tracey tells Donna to stay the night while she works out what to do.

Though that means leaving Poochy alone, possibly with Clive.

Will no-one think of the dog?

Clive’s a total fruit loop: Thurs 20.12.12 #ambridgeextra

Ambridge Extra Thursday 20 December 2012

• Tracey does really well in an interview
• Donna’s kissing Clive while Poochy barks
• Bert’s sprained his wrist
• Clive gets nasty
• Donna tells Tracey about Clive

Tracey does really well in an interview
I underestimated Tracey.

After hearing her interview, I’d have given her a job!

She’s trying for a waitress position.

Why did she leave her last job?

It was fulfilling, and didn’t leave her time with her kids.

Why does she want this job?

She likes working with food, and was a supervisor in her last role.

Why does she want to work in a  restaurant?

She’s very easy to get on with (!)

The Tracey adds that she knows the importance of customer service. And that she can always tell how good the customer service is by the state of the ladies’ toilets. After all, folks want an experience, not just to eat.

Blimey! Tracey really is good at this. She must be a natural, as I can’t imagine her studying an Interview book.

Tracey gets offered the job there and then.

BUT the job offer is then retracted when Tracey’s asked for references. She can’t give them, as the school would only have bad things to say.

[Tracey] “What I know don’t matter.”

As a result of losing one job and not getting the other, Tracey has had to cancel the tablet she was going to gift Brad. She didn’t get deposit back. And reckoned the sales woman looked at her “like dirt”.

Tracey’s very down.

[Tracey] “I just don’t know how it all happened … Just because I gave that snooty teacher a  piece of my mind.”

I do feel sorry for Tracey.


Donna’s kissing Clive while Poochy barks

Yuk!

Donna should listen to Poochy. She (he?) was growling with every breath, then broke out into barking.

But, Donna seems to really enjoy Clive’s attention. She’s even sleeping better, without her sleeping pills.

Clive demands that Poochy gets put outside. Donna at least protests that it’s too cold.

[Clive] “Put her in the kitchen Donna, eh. How can I concentrate on you properly with that dog giving me evils?”

He then makes her tell him that she missed her. After which, he kicks Poochy when Donna is out of the room. And then denies it.

[Clive] “Are you calling me a liar?”

Clive really is a bit of a scary creep.

He then tells Donna he doesn’t want them to fall out, because:

[Clive] “I’ve got some money for you. For the mortgage.”

He then tells her he should move in. Then he could pay the full mortgage every month.

[Clive] “And when the time’s right, you could even put me on the mortgage,. Then you wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore … now brew us a cup of tea, eh?”

What what what???

Clive is both evil and incredibly twisted.

But, Donna’s daft enough not to stand up to him.


Bert’s sprained his wrist

While standing on a stool, trying to get some drill bits.

He’s really been in the wars.

Someone needs to be keeping a closer eye on him.


Clive gets nasty

Donna tries to tell Clive that he’s going too fast for her.

[Clive] “We’ve known each other for years.”

[Donna] “Not in this way.”

Donna asks for them to take a breather over Christmas, but Clive’s not having it.

[Clive] “So, what are you planning to do for next month’s mortgage?”

Ah – trapped.

Clive then switches Donna’s phone off when it rings, then takes it away while he gets her a proper new one.

He then goes out.

[Clive] “And when I get back, I'm sure you can think of a nice way to thank me.”

Oh dear god.

This is horrible.


Donna tells Tracey about Clive

But Tracey’s to self-obsessed to hear Donna properly.

[Donna] “Tracey, I’ve gone and got mixed up with Clive … he’s moving in.”

[Tracey] “You what?”

[Donna] “At first, I just let him kiss me  …”

[Tracey] “You did what?”

Tracey doesn’t hear Donna’s appeal for help. All she can hear is that Donna has cheated on Keith.

[Tracey] “Is this your sick idea of family loyalty, no wonder you need sleeping pills, I couldn’t live with myself let alone sleep at night!”

Who can Donna turn to now?

Donna gets intimate with Clive: Tues 18.12.12 #ambridgeextra

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 18 December 2012

• Keith tripped
• Clive takes advantage
• Tracey loses her job
• At least Bert walks Poochy
• Donna chooses Clive over Keith
• Clive comforts Donna

Keith tripped

Or at least that’s what he’s telling everyone.

We got the joy (not!) of listening in to Keith getting beaten up

When a prison officer fins him:

[Officer] “Look, lad, you’re showing yourself up”.

The officer tells Keith that he has to buck up. He can’t show he’s weak. He must be respectful, but not humble. He needs to join courses, never look at his feet, don’t tell anyone about himself, keep busy and keep out of trouble.

[Officer] “You’ve a long road ahead of you.”

Am I being daft in thinking that Clive could ask to be put on the special wing, away from general prisoners?

It would mean living with some very undesirable others – but isn’t that preferable to being beaten up for being a grass … for 2 long years …?


Clive takes advantage

Well, we all knew this was coming.

Clive’s brought Donna roses.

Clive reckons he’s dumped Jackie.

(who mist not have existed in the first place)

Clive also brought Donna truffles.

And is going to fix her boiler.

[Clive] “Keith will see me right, when he gets out.”

(I bet he will!)

[Donna] “Oh Clive, thank you so much.”

[Clive] “I said I’d help you out, and I meant it. I’m a man of me word, me.”

Clive then tells her that he’s taking her out for a meal that evening.

[Clive] “It’d be nice to have such interesting company, and even better when it comes in such an attractive package … You’re a lovely woman Donna. I always said so … if I had a sweet woman like you, I’d have never got myself banged up. My brother is such an idiot.”

Clive then gives her money to get her nails and hair done, and also tells her what dress to wear.

[Clive] “The one you wore to mum’s funeral. You looked a cracker in that.”

(On. My. Word. There’s so much wrong with that, I don’t know where to begin)


Tracey loses her job

As if Bert making his trellis on the kitchen table isn’t a frustration enough (Bert claims it’s too cold out), Tracey has also been told she won’t be needed back at the school. She was only on a monthly contract and though they have still offered her a formal hearing, Tracey won’t suffer it.

[Tracey] “Oh what’s the point. They got it in for me there anyway, they can stick their job. … All I wanted was a nice Christmas for everybody, why should that be too much to ask?”

Tracey has a point that it would have been far more fair to tell Tracey after the Christmas break that her services were no longer required, but I don’t suppose they can have folks who use ‘excessive force’ on kids working in the school.


At least Bert walks Poochy

At least someone is treating that dog well, other than giving it cuddles.

What type of dog do we think Poochy is?

Donna makes her (him?) sounds like a wee yappy type thing, but Poochy has quite a butch bark.


Donna chooses Clive over Keith

Donna was due to see Keith with Tracey, but calls Tracey (while outing on a cough) to say she’s too ill.

[Tracey] “You don’t sound to me like you’re at death’s door.”

Well spotted Tracey.

Donna’s off out with Clive.

Tracey covers for Donna when she sees Keith. Obviously for Keith’s sake, rather than Donna’s.

Keith’s very upset about not seeing Donna. He’d also called their house earlier on, but only got Bert.

Seems some of the other prisoners have been winding him up about how wives don’t always stay faithful …


Clive comforts Donna

Donna’s about to send Clive a text.

She’s not sure whether to end it with a kiss.

She decides to do so.

The giggles.

What a silly, silly woman …

Anyhoo, when Clive picks Donna up, he also gives her a necklace to go with her dress.

[Clive] “You need somebody who knows how to treat a lady.”

He kisses her.

Donna kisses back.

[Donna] “Oh, that wasn’t supposed to happen.”

[Clive] “No. You sure … we all need some comfort sometimes …Donna, you know I;m attracted to you, I think you are to me too … you are so hard to resist … And I won’t tell if you don’t.”

And off to bed they go.

*sigh*

Conspiracy against Tracey: Thurs 13.12.12 #ambridgeextra

Ambridge Extra Thursday 13th December 2012

• Sarah Martin sounds like a right b*tch
• “Oh God, Clive Horrobin!”
• Tracey’s accused of “excessive force” on a child
• Donna hasn’t got enough food for Poochy
• Does Clive have a girlfriend?

Sarah Martin sounds like a right b*tch

She was the teacher who caught Tracey asleep on the job the other day. Then smelt Tracey’s hangover. And reported her to the head.

So, when Tracey hears this Sarah Martin gossiping about her, she sees red.

[Tracey] “Excuse me, Ms Martin.”

Tracey then starts to shout at Sarah Martin …

[Sarah] “God, we’re not on Jeremy Kyle Tracey!”

(meow!)

That just makes Tracey even more furious.


“Oh God, Clive Horrobin!”

Was what the bloke cried when Clive Horrobin jumped him.

It was the bloke who’d been loan sharking Donna.

Clive gives him a beating, and makes him guarantee that Donna’s debt is cancelled.

How can Clive be sure the guarantee will hold?

He also takes the bloke’s mobile, and takes down his mum’s phone number.

(that’s actually quite clever of Clive)

[Clive] “Nice doing business with you. Oh. Merry Christmas!”

Ha!

I don’t like Clive at all, but that bloke had it coming.


Tracey’s accused of “excessive force” on a child

Tracey was trying to break up two kids from fighting, during which she grabbed one of the kid’s arms.

Sarah Martin sees it happening, and claims Tracey was far too rough.

[Sarah] “So you admit it, you used excessive force on Martha!”

Tracey tries to wiggle her way out of it:

[Sarah] “Don’t you trying an treat me like your kids, you patronising cow!”

Yikes! Jeremy Kyle, it is!!!

Sarah now claims it’s a child protection issue, which will need to be reported.

[Tracey] “You scheming lying toe rag, Sarah Martin!”

Tracey’s sent home, and the local authority will be involved.

[Tracey] “But I really didn’t hurt Martha.”

[Sarah] “And that’s what the officer will reveal. Have some faith in the system.”

Tracey reckons Sarah has fitted her up because she was embarrassed to be caught gossiping earlier on.

Conspiracy …

[Sarah] “You see, that’s exactly your problem there, everyone knows what a short fuse you have, and all that drinking just exacerbates it … why not try the supermarket, or there are some lovely little pubs around here!”

What a witch!

I agree with Tracey. It is a fit up, but Tracey can also blame herself for her hangover the other day, which started this all off.

So – Tracey might be out of a job ahead of Christmas. AND she’ll miss the school carol concert.


Donna hasn’t got enough food for Poochy

[Donna] “Naughty dog … eaten the cushion … jumping on the furniture … I know, you’re missing him as well, aren’t you?”

Well, considering Donna doesn’t even have any food in for Poochy, and doesn’t sound like she’s walking her (him?), I think Poochy’s problems is from a lack of attention and an empty belly.

Poochy sounds like a clever (albeit nippy) wee thing.

She (he?) certainly doesn’t like Clive.


Does Clive have a girlfriend?

He claims so. But his flat shows no sign of a woman in residence.

Just a ploy to make Donna feel that his intentions are purely honourable?

I would think so.

Clive’s spending a lot of time complimenting Donna, while making sure she’s dependent on him for money.

This can’t end well …

Donna goes for a drink with Clive: Tues 11.12.12 #ambridgeextra

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 11th December 2012

• Donna has financial woes
• Tracey’s up in front of the head
• Bert still wants to go to Susan’s
• Tracey goes shopping
• Keith got soap
• Bert’s rambling
• Tracey won’t help Donna
• Clive’s there for Donna

Donna has financial woes

The bloke from the ‘Independent Financial Company’ is round hassling Donna for a repayment.

Daft woman took a loan from him.

[Loan bloke] “It’s a payday loan, today I get paid.”

When Donna tells him she hasn’t got the money on her, he forces her into his car to go to a cash machine.

Seems Donna owes the chap £540, but as she can’t make her full repayment today, he’ll take £200  and add on steeper interest. Once he’s got his money, he also refuses to take Donna back home.

[Loan bloke] “I’ll be back next Tuesday Donna. Merry Christmas.”

What a silly woman is that Donna.

When she’s later in seeing Keith, he tells her to tell Tracey about the loan shark. He also tries to help with the other bills, but the guards won’t let Donna show him. They take the paperwork away, and take Keith away from a strip search.

A tad overkill, but surely Donna can cope with paying bills herself – or even be capable of understanding a bill on her tod.

What can Keith do about it from prison?

Right enough, when Keith later on tries to call the electricity company to deal with the bill, he finds he can’t. Every number he wants to call must be on his cleared list. It’ll take until well after Christmas for the number to be approved.

Maybe Tracey can help ….


Tracey’s up in front of the head

It’s been established that Tracey was asleep while supposed to be supervising the kids, so she has to go to a hearing.

Hmmm.

Anyone else reckon Tracey will soon be claiming the dole again?


Bert still wants to go to Susan’s

Bert’s obviously worried about the quality of the Christmas dinner on offer at Tracey’s. She’s even had to get a  frozen turkey, after missing out on all of the Grundy turkeys.

He reckons it’s stupid putting Tracey to such bother when Susan is already cooking.

[Bert] “It’s such a vexation for you. Susan likes cooking …”

Bert nearly (just nearly) said that Susan was a better cook, when pointing out that she does all the proper trimmings.

Of course, Tracey does not concur.

[Tracey] “All that fuss over chucking a turkey into an oven for a few hours, and boiling up loads of sprouts … she always did think she was a cut above …”

Though as Tracey said that, she also put two bags of sprouts on her shopping list.

Later on, Bert realises Tracey’s making a real effort, and drops all talk of going to Susan’s.

Phew!

I doubt Emma and Tracey could have sat at the same table without coming to blows.


Tracey goes shopping

Though Bert reckons he doesn’t need anything, Tracey wants to get him a treat.

She’s also getting presents for Emma’s kids.

[Tracey] “It’s not their fault if their mother is a cold callous backstabber, is it?”

And while she’s there, she gets tablets for both of her kids.

Has Tracey got that sort of money to start off with?


Keith got soap

Donna’s visiting Keith. She’s not enjoying the experience. Some chap keeps staring at her.

[Donna] “The bloke with the two fingers tattooed on the back of his head.”

The chap is talking to a woman who is likewise staring at Donna and Keith.

[Donna] “I don’t like the look of her. Very common.”

(ha!)

Keith tells Donna the chap is from the gang. Who Keith grassed up. So are therefore not impressed with Keith.

Still, it’s not all bad for Keith. He tells Donna he managed to get a bar of soap.

[Tracey] “Last time I spoke to him he was trying to trade his cereal for some.”

What a life …

… course, it’s how own fault for setting fire to Brookfield’s barn.


Bert’s rambling

He’s been out fixing up a willow trellis for a climbing rose. In memory of the Nat King Cole song. In memory of Ivy.

Seems they met on a youth club ramble.

[Tracey] “It’s you that’s rambling.”

Tracey won’t help Donna

Donna takes Keith’s advice, and talks to Tracey about her money problems.

But Tracey won’t help.

Not. At. All.

She reckons she hardly has any money herself (true) and that Donna shouldn’t be worrying Keith with money problems (slightly true).

Donna reckons it’s Keith’s fault they’re in this mess.

[Tracey] “You’re sat there with a designer handbag and gold wrapped around your neck.”

Actually, Tracey gets quite aggressive at Donna. She’s obviously been annoyed with Donna for a few decades or so.

[Tracey] “You’ve had it easy all these years, Keith’s treated you like a princess.”

So. Keith can’t help. Tracey won’t help.

Who can Donna turn to?


Clive’s there for Donna

Donna goes out for a drink with Clive.

She’s feeling very sorry for herself. Very put upon, alone and now reckons Keith never had any time for her.

(she’s obviously never noticed he was out and about trying to keep her in the lifestyle she was accustomed. By legal and illegal means).

[Clive] “Think of me as your own personal shoulder to cry on.”

Oh dear …

Clive’s being ever so helpful: Thurs 06.12.12 #ambridgeextra

Ambridge Extra Thursday 6th December 2012

• Tracey drove home … drunk!
• A Horrobin family Christmas … of sorts
• “Mrs Jones is a full head not a half head”
• Clive has a job and a girlfriend
• Bert has a fall
• Tracey’s making schoolgirl errors

Tracey drove home … drunk!

Tracey has a terrible hangover, after getting a tad tight once Keith was sentenced to 4 years.

Bert reckons she was as badly drunk as after Ivy’s funeral.

Worse still, Tracey had driven herself back from Jaxx. Drunk.

No need at all!

That’s Tracey Horrobin well and truly off of my Christmas card list.

I’m glad she had to go off and be sick as Bert waxed lyrical about fry ups and egg yolks.


A Horrobin family Christmas … of sorts

Bert’s looking forward to his Christmas lunch.

Turkey. Port. Duck fat for the tatties.

He suggests they should maybe go to Susan’s … she is the better cook …

But Tracey won’t hear of it. Not with Emma there.

[Tracey] “She grassed your son, my brother, to the Police … and my sister, Susan, supported her. Let them stew. We’ll have Donna here and show them some real family loyalty.”

Nae luck Bert!


“Mrs Jones is a full head not a half head”

I have no idea what that means, but it means something to Donna while at work in her salon.


Clive has a job and a girlfriend

Donna has a visitor at work.

Clive Horrobin.

Seems he’s doing well. He has a job in a DIT store. And has a girlfriend call Jackie who does “ a lovely spag bol”.

His only interest in seeing Donna is to buy her a sandwich.

[Clive] “Come on. You can tell me how you’re coping. Everyone need a bit of support now and then”

Clive is in a position where can help Donna because:

[Clive] “Things are going my way now because I made it happen.”

(hmmm)

Clive asks Donna how she’s holding up financially, to which she starts crying.

So Clive gives her £10.

[Clive] “If you ever need help Donna, any help at all, you just give me a call anytime.”

(double hmmmmm)


Bert has a fall

Sounded like his legs just went from him.

Doesn’t bode well.


Tracey’s making schoolgirl errors

Tracey’s woken up by a teacher called Sarah. Tracey’s got crushed crayons stuck to her face.

[Teacher Sarah] “You might want to take that bit of clay out of your hair.”

Oops.

Tracey’s at work at school, and has been caught napping. She claims she’s not very well.

But worse still:

[Teacher Sarah] “Tracey, I just got a whiff of, are you drunk. You’ve not got the flu at all, you’ve got a hangover!”

Sarah tells Tracey that they can’t have “alcohol related issues in the school room”.

[Teacher Sarah] “We’ve all got problems Tracey, it’s just that we should leave them at the door of the classroom.”

Sarah reckons that even as a dinner lady, Tracey has influence on the kids.

[Teacher Sarah] “No matter how lowly our contribution.”

(meow!)

And off Sarah went, to tattle on Tracey to the head teacher.
Not that I disagree with Sarah being appalled Tracey was stinky of booze at a school.

But Sarah does sound like a bit of a snooty b*tch.

Just what Tracey needs in her life right now.

It’s New Year (!) 29/12/11

Ambridge Extra 29th December 2011

• Shula makes Daniel see sense
• Clive’s in hospital
• Amy genetically wired to stab someone?
• Daniel ruins Erin’s New Year

Shula makes Daniel see sense

Daniel came in at 3am last night, and doesn’t want anything to do with Alistair. He won’t even sit down at the kitchen table to talk.

[Daniel] “No. Not while he’s here … didn’t you hear me, you shouldn’t even still be here”

He tries to go out riding, but Shula catches up with him before he can leave:

[Shula] “This isn’t going to get any better if we don’t talk about it … darling, I need you to see something. Last night dad showed me the texts Erin sent him”

[Daniel] “Don’t you get it, I’m not interested, he’s full of bull”

[Shula] “I didn’t want to look either but I had to. You're just going to have to be grown up about this. Here. It’s both side of the conversation. You can see the dates”

Daniel reading Erin’s texts to himself:
(from Erin) ‘When are you visiting next, I could do with some more of that smile’
(from Erin) ‘Hey Al, don’t worry about Mr Purvis, I’ll just flutter my eyelashes at him’
(November 21st from Alistair)’ tomorrow fine Erin, but I can only spend half an hour’
(November 22nd from Erin) – had a fab time with you today, can’t stop thinking about when I can come over again’
(from Erin) ‘My evenings are you boring when I’m not with you x x’

[Shula] “She was the one coming onto him, He really didn’t do anything”

[Daniel, the truth starting to dawn] “He still could have stopped her”

[Shula] “Your dad just didn’t want to see you get hurt, that’s all. Oh come on love, he knows he made a mistake. Your dad would never do what she’s accusing him of. I know that, and believe me I was furious when he first told me, and you know it too don’t you … look, I’m sorry, I wish I didn’t have to show you those, but you were so convinced”

[Daniel, upset] “I thought she really like me mum, and all the time … not as much as dad though”

[Shula] “Oh come here, this is my fault as well, I should have told you sooner, I only didn’t because I love you and your dad loves you as well”

Daniel goes back in to say sorry to Alistair for everything that he’d said. Alistair apologies to him as well.

[Alistair] “If I could go back and do things differently. I just hoped I could let Erin down gently without destroying your relationship”

[Daniel] “I should have known she’d never have been interested in me anyway”

Daniel now doesn’t want to go the ball as he thinks everyone will be laughing at him. And Erin will be there

[Alistair] “This isn’t about you. Honestly, the way Erin’s treated you, she doesn’t deserve you. She’s not worth it Daniel … she just uses men for attention, none of this reflects on you” … In fact, it would be good if she sees you there. Show her you’re above her silly games”

I still think Alistair did encourage Erin to an extent (and it was all middle-aged ego), but he did stop it before it went too far. Again – don’t play games with kids!


Clive’s in hospital

Earlier on, we hears Usha talking to Amy about meeting up to do the sales. It was obvious Amy hadn’t told Usha about the Clive and her car incident.

Amy is now visiting Clive:

[Clive] “Come to gloat?”

[Amy] “I just wanted to check how you are. You’re looking better than I expected”

Clive is alive, but with two broken ribs, a “battered” pelvis and a hairline fracture on his neck.

[Clive] “I suppose I really ought to thank you, it’s what these doctors keep telling me anyhow, you know, cause of me spine”

(goodness me – Clive sounds rather sheepish)

[Amy] “I could hardly leave you there could I?”

[Clive] “Well I would have done … well anyway, ta”

[Amy] “That’s alright”

Clive tells her than his “rambling” after she had knocked him over was “rubbish”

[Clive] “You’re not to pay any heed to it”

So – he doesn’t want her to think of what he was saying about his childhood. He also starts blustering that hospital is great – free meals and pretty nurses.

As Amy is leaving:

[Clive] “Oh and eh Amy, maybe I’ll see you in Ambridge sometime”

[Amy] “You’re not coming back, are you?”

[Clive] “Who knows? Never say never, eh?”

Hmmm.

Has Amy literally knocked some sense into Clive – meaning his return will be of a prodigal come good – or will he be back to his usual Horrible Horrobin self?

Does he think that he now has a friend in Amy?


Amy genetically wired to stab someone?

Amy meets up with Usha, and tells her everything about Clive.

Usha is upset that Amy didn’t tell her and Alan about Clive stalking her. Usha thinks he should have been reported first time round.

But Amy’s worries go beyond Clive.

[Amy] “I’m not even sure I didn’t mean to hit him Usha. Yes, he was drunk, and he stumbled out in front of the car, but I don’t know maybe, subconsciously …”

[Usha] “Oh come on, you know that’s nonsense”

[Amy] “I’m not sure anymore, the way that I felt when I saw him last week, it was like, just this anger, I couldn’t control it. What if it’s the same thing that made my mum stab that girl? … I’ve always had a temper and dad, he says how much I remind him of her. It used to make me feel connected to her, but know?”

[Usha] “Your mum made a mistake, you don’t believe it made a bad person do you, so you’re not a bad person either … we all have parts of us we’re ashamed of, thoughts that we wouldn’t want anyone else to hear, it’s how we act on them that’s important, and you helped Clive”

[Amy] “That was just my training kicking in”

[Usha] “Exactly, your instincts as a carer.”

[Amy] “If things had been different for me, if I’d have had his upbringing …”

[Usha, first saying lots of ‘no, no, no’] “Clive had his choices … you’re kind and compassionate and warm hearted, your mum would be very proud, and so am I. For what it’s worth”

Amy reckons Usha’s pride in her is worth a lot. Especially as she doesn’t feel she could talk to her dad or Mabel like this.

[Amy] “I’m so glad that you’re part of your family, And you’re right. It’s not about the past”

[Usha] “You’re a very special girl Amy. Makes me wish I’d known your mum. She must have been very special too”

That’s better.

It had been recently sounding like Usha was jealous of (the dearly departed) Catherine, and that Amy didn’t really accept Usha in their family. But, now sounds like that’s all sorted.

Just took a drunk Clive and assault with a car.


Daniel ruins Erin’s New Year

Daniel has gone to the ball. After making sure he’s out his cloakroom ticket somewhere safe (bless him and his pedantic ways), he spots Erin. And goes over to her.

Daniel – to himself - God she looks amazing

[Erin, surprised] “Dan, you came!”

Daniel – to himself - Who’s that she’s with?

Seems Erin is at the ball with some chap called Miles, who Daniel reckons to himself is at least twice her age.

But Amy saves him (that’s 2 blokes in as many days!). She’s at the ball, and when he tells her that he’s split up with is girlfriend, she drags him off to spend New Year with her and her mates.

Later on, as Daniel is getting a drink, he bumps into that Miles chap again.

And what’s this …. When Daniel mentions that he knows Erin as they goes to school together, Miles seems confused.

[miles] “But Erin’s a vet. She’s just graduated”

[Daniel, laughing] “Is that what she’s told you?!?”

Erin comes over:

[Miles] “Erin what’s all this about you two going to school together? How old are you?”

[Erin, laughing nervously] “Dan, what have you been telling him?”

[Miles, now angry] “How old?”

[Dan, loving the scene] “Well, go on”

There’s silence from Erin.

[Daniel] “She’s seventeen!”

[Mile, horrified] “Seventeen! Seriously?”

[Erin] “Does it matter?”

[Miles] Just a bit. I’m not a cradle snatcher. Keep your drink. Go find someone your own age!”

[a rather triumphant Daniel] “You lied to him. Seems like you’ve been doing that a lot … give it up. I’m not falling for it, alright,. Tell your story to somebody else. I’ve got a life to get on with!”

It’s just before the bells, so Amy returns to Daniel. Seems she had introduced him to a girl he’s been getting on with, but as the countdown has started, they seal their New year with a friendly peck.

Daniel – to himself, texting - Hey, thanks for always being there dad. Happy New Year

Indeed.

Corny and obvious?

Possibly – but I enjoyed that moment. Good for Daniel to see that Erin was just a little witch (or replace that ‘w; with a ‘b’) and good for Daniel to see in the New Year with mates, and a good feeling about Alistair.

My only slight confusion is that we eavesdropped into this on the 29th (though I am writing this up on the 31st). Was this a mock New Year ball?

(I know – Ambridge Extra time is a law unto itself)

Alistair loses a son & Clive’s dying? 27/12/11

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 27th December 2011

• Clive’s stalking Amy
• Daniel’s stalking Erin
• Erin crashes Daniel’s world
• Amy crashes into Clive
• Daniel opts out from Alistair

Clive’s stalking Amy

Clive sounds like he’s stood on a street, drinking. His bottle is nearly empty.

Clive – to himself - Need something to warm me up … where are you miss Franks. Every other nurse has walked by. You’ve got to come out of there eventually. Well I’m damned if I’m going to let some stuck up vicar’s daughter treat me that way … right then,. Let’s have some fun!

He sees Amy leaving the hospital, and smashes down his bottle as he sets off after her.

[Clive] “Amy. Amy, Amy. Young women like you should be careful in a place like this”

[Amy, trying to get into her car] “Just go away. Let me open the door”

She smells the booze on his breath.

[Clive] “I only want to know if you had a nice Christmas. How do you think I spent my then, eh?”

Amy - to herself – please somebody

[Amy] “Help. Over here!”

[Clive] “Well, you seem to think you know so much about me?”

Sounds like Amy kicks or punches him, managing to him away from her and her car.



Daniel’s stalking Erin

Daniel really is creepy. I know fist love can warp the best of us, but he clearly isn’t taking any notice of the fact that she’s been ignoring and avoiding him.

He’s at Erin’s house, ringing and banging her door. When he sees movement in the house, he starts shouting … when Erin finally comes to the door (hopefully while calling the Police!):

Daniel to himself - Okay. Just act natural. She’s seen me now

(he’s scary…)

[Daniel] “Happy belated Christmas!”

[Erin] “Daniel, what you doing here. You can’t just turn up, you should have called or something”

He says he wanted to surprise her. Then begs to be let in. He has brought her Christmas presents.

[Daniel] “What’s the problem? Look, just give me 5 minutes”

I would have slammed the door in his face (harsh, but might have made the point, finally). But Erin lets him in.


Erin crashes Daniel’s world

[Daniel] “At least open the presents .. I’ve gone to all this effort”

[Erin] “Well you shouldn’t have. Just stop pushing me. I said in my text I couldn’t see you”

[Daniel] “Have I done something wrong? Cause if I have then I can fix it”

[Erin] “It isn’t you … you’re a really sweet guy”

[Daniel] “Sweet? So I never meant that much to you? It was only a game? … is there someone else? … just tell me the truth, please”

[Erin] “Then you’d better go and ask your dad …”

[Daniel] “My dad? What do you mean?”

[Erin] “He made a pass at me Dan. Why do you think I’ve been staying away? How could I keep seeing you after he … “

[Daniel] “Erin, tell me, what did he do?”

[Erin] “When we went to the Clinical Club together, outside at the pub,. He tried to kiss me … and at the Christmas concert he got me in a room with him during the interval …”

[Daniel] “No, he wouldn’t”

[Erin] “I’m not lying to you, you can see his texts … at first I thought he was just being nice because of the vets stuff, but then …”

Daniel – reading a text from Alistair to Erin - Hi Erin, just wanted to say how *fantastic you were. Wish I could take you *everywhere with me. Al (Daniel’s emphasis)

[Erin] “I’m sorry Dan, but what could I do? Your dad, he just wouldn’t leave me alone”

Amy crashes into Clive

[Amy to Clive] “You probably spent it in the gutter that’s where you belong … just leave me alone, or next time, I’ll call the Police”

As Amy starts to drive away, Clive is hammering on her car. She has to turn the car round to get out, which means having to go by Clive again (who is still shouting at her).

Then there’s a big thump.

A – to herself - Oh no no no no no no no. I didn’t … he just stepped out

[Amy] “Clive. Clive! We’re gonna need some help!”

Flipping ‘eck.

Amy Franks has gone and run over Clive Horrobin!

As she’s trying to get him to lie still, Clive is saying his chest hurts. And that he needs to get back because of his curfew. Amy put her jacket over him to keep him warm as she swears about help not coming fast enough (as she says to herself - at a hospital for god’s sake!)

[Clive] “Are they going to take me away? Cause of the video Crawford took?”

[Amy] “Matt?”

[Clive] “It wasn’t my fault, honest. He told me to lift the scrap … I only wanted to see me mum”

[Amy, sounding increasingly worried] “Can you tell me where you are?”

[Clive] “No. He picked me up his car . Always the same. Matt, George, dad, I were always to blame, even when I weren’t …”

[Amy] “Clive, don’t go to sleep!”

And she asks him to keep talking.

[Clive] “My dad. He was a git. Took his belt to me for messing with his shed. And the teachers. Horrible Horrobin. That’s all I’ve ever always been. The playground. The other kids. I couldn’t help it. Dad said, just stand up to them. Hit them harder. They all stayed away from me after that … don’t let them lock me up again”

[Amy] “It’s okay. They’re here to look after you”

So help has arrived.

Phew.

Course, we’re left wondering if Clive will survive. Will Amy get into trouble for running him over (though it was an accident – but will her previous behaviour towards him make folks think it was deliberate?)?

BUT – anyone else actually feel sorry for Clive? Did anything he said explain (though not excuse)?



Daniel opts out from Alistair

Alistair is home alone. He’s been on the phone to Shula, and is now thinking about trying to book accommodation for their Olympics trip.

Daniel walks in, and Alistair asks him whether he wants to make a proper holiday out of their trip.

[Daniel] “As if I’d go anywhere with you … you BASTARD! How could you? You make me sick. Don’t pretend you don’t know. What was it, some kind of midlife crises? You just couldn’t keep your hands off her … she was my girlfriend, my first proper girlfriend, and you …”

[Alistair] “What? What’s Erin told you?”

[Daniel] “It’s disgusting”

[Alistair] “Because I can promise you, whatever it is, it’s not true”

[Daniel] “You kissed her … and you forced yourself on her in a classroom at school”

[Alistair] “That’s a lie!”

[Daniel] “You’re the liar!”

[Alistair] “She’s the one that kissed me. She had a crush and though I felt the same”

[Daniel] “So what about the texts. Did she make those up?”

Alistair tries to explain that his texts are not the way they sound. That the whole’ fantastic” bit was him talking about how she charmed Mr Purves. That it was Erin who had insisted on staying late (etc).

But Daniel throws back to Alistair that he had talked him out of seeing Erin.

[Daniel] “You just wanted her for yourself”

[Alistair] “Now that’s ridiculous … I was trying to protect you… I knew what she was like “

[Daniel] “You just didn’t want me to find out your dirty little secret … You make my skin crawl … you better start packing your bags”

[Alistair] “There’s no way in this world I’d do something like that to you or your mum. Maybe I could have been more astute. But you’re right. I didn’t think a young girl like that would be interested in an old fart like me … and then she asked to spend more and more time with me, and telling me stuff … personal stuff … look, I know I should have nipped it in the bud but honestly I didn’t want you to get hurt … As soon as she did I told her that it was wrong, that nothing could happen between us”

[Daniel] “So all the time she was seeing me, it was an excuse to be with you?”

[Alistair] “I don’t know. I can’t explain what was going on in her head, all I can tell you is that I did nothing wrong to encourage her”

[Daniel] “Except for the texts”

[Alistair] “Oh for god’s sake. Have you any idea how serious this is for me? To have a 17 year old girl accuse me of kissing her or molesting her or god knows what else, because that’s what she was doing at the concert. That’s why I told your mum, you have to believe me”

[Daniel] “Well I don’t. You did see how upset she was, I had to force it out of her”

[Alistair] “I’m only telling the truth. She’s a fantasist. She’s not the girl you think she is”

[Daniel] “No. Don’t you dare. I’ve never felt about anyone the way I felt about Erin. She really liked me, even though I’m not like all the other lads .. .and now you’ve ruined everything. You might have managed to fool mum bit it won’t work on me”

[Alistair] “I’m not trying to fool anyone. Daniel please, I’m your father.”

[Daniel] “No you’re not,. And you never will be”

Blimey.

Shula does already know – Daniel’s mention of Alistair having to pack his bags was him threatening to tell his mum and get Alistair kicked out – but who will she side with?

She believes Alistair, but is angry that he kept his secret.

And now she had a devastated son.

Tricky.

I reckon Alistair does have to take a lot of the blame. He shouldn’t have been playing with kids …

Clive is harassed by Amy: Ambridge Extra Thursday 22nd December 2011

• The Arch Deacon on pot washing
• Clive’s a piece of scum
• Alan gives Amy a talking to
• Should Clive be fed?
• Daniel is getting a bit scary
• Praying does work
• Usha Vs Alan and Amy?
• What was Clive up to?

The Arch Deacon on pot washing

Alan and Usha are making and serves Christmas dinners to the wanting and needy.

(are there no workhouses or prisons???)

( …just jesting)

Even the Arch Deacon is helping out, and Amy also turns up for a shift, even though she’s working later on. Seems there’s more folks in need than ever before.


Clive’s a piece of scum

So says Amy.

He turns up at the dinner Alan and co have put on. He and Amy spot each other.

[Clive] “You’re that mouthy bird … the one with Alice”

Amy then tries to throw Clive out. She reckons the meals are only for the folks that need them.

[Amy] “Well at least I’m not a piece of scum like you … People like you should be left to starve!”

[Clive] “Crazy mare!”

There then sounds like some sort or tussle between them, which Alan has to pull apart.

[Clive] “Just because you’re a girl doesn’t mean I won’t hit you!”

Amy is dragged off to the kitchen, while Usha takes Clive to be sat down.


Alan gives Amy a talking to

[Alan] “You think Clive’s the only person out there who’s ever done any wrong?”

[Amy] “They haven’t terrorised people. Treated them less than human”

[Alan] “How do you know … we are not here to judge”

[Amy] “I suppose that was what mum was supposed to do? Just turn the other cheek?”

Ah – so this is a mother rather than a Clive issue …


Should Clive be fed?

Amy doesn’t think so

Clive gets fed at the hostel.

Usha sits down to talk with Clive. He doesn’t recognise her at first.

Clive reckons Amy is a “bint and should be chucked out”. Usha tells him Alan is her dad and she’s her step mum.

[Clive] “What is this? The united nations?”

(steady on!)

[Usha] “Excuse me?!? I defended you in court remember? And it’s not as if you haven’t got a short fuse yourself … so let’s just watch what kind of language we’re throwing about”

Clive tells Usha that he thinks he was better off in prison. He has no money, so can’t buy things like food (which he then has to cook himself). He’s hassled to go to the job centre, so is never left in peace. And his family won’t have anything to do with him.

[Clive] “At least I felt like somebody. People didn’t treat me like dirt”

So I suppose Clive is entitled to a meal as a needy person.

Should we spare a thought for him, alone at Christmas time?

Aye bug**y we should!

Deserves everything he gets, I reckon.

Good on Amy!


Daniel is getting a bit scary

I thought Daniel was a bit odd when we heard his inner thoughts during Ambridge Extra – and seems it is the case.

Despite being totally ignored by Erin, he’s bought her a stack of Christmas presents – including earrings and a £40 perfume. Plus a playlist that he’s saved to a memory stick.

(ah – don’t we miss the days of mixed tapes! Mind you, always an embarrassment when the recipient isn’t interested)

But it seems to work.

Erin texts him back. To say that she’s in Bristol for Christmas.

Daniel – to himself - so that’s why she’s not been in touch,. Yeah. Never mind, I’ll just have to wait until after Christmas to give her her presents D

Oh, come on boy! Take the hint. She doesn’t want you – though I bet she’s the type to gladly take away your gifts.



Praying does work

Alan reckons that Clive eating his meal and then simply leaving shows that praying works sometimes.

Each to their own belief.

But I think Usha having a word with him might have had something more to do with it.



Usha Vs Alan and Amy?

Alan reckons that Amy is a fiery one, and bottles things up.

But he thinks that more to do with him and her having to be a team when Catherine died, rather than anything inherited.

Amy had to support Alan, and felt she didn't want to add to his woes with her troubles.

[Alan] “Perhaps I should remind Amy, I’ve got you to prop me up now”

Usha – to herself - If you could,. Might make a nice change

Blimey. There really is a divide in the Franks’ household that I’d never really noticed.



What was Clive up to?

As Amy’s walking to work, she’s pondering to herself about the way she flew at Clive.

Amy – to herself - Is that how mum felt, like someone had taken over, how else do you stick a knife in a person?

Not surprisingly (was very obvious this would happen from the moment Amy refused a lift with Alan and Usha), she then meets Clive, in what sounds like an alleyway.

He starts shouting at her. Nothing too offensive – just snide, how she wasn’t Christian, and the like.

As Amy increase her walking pace, Clive shouts that he just wants to talk with her.

Amy – to herself - alright. … run!

[Clive] “And a merry Christmas to you!”

Sounds like Clive wasn’t going to attack her – but also sounded like he didn’t really want a quiet chat.

Is he really just that lonely?

Ambridge Extra Thursday 24th November 2011: Ah Matt – we were so wrong to doubt you

• Matt’s had a break-in
• Clive’s had a break-in
• What an odd accent that Policewoman had
• An impoverished post-grad
• Just as Clive is about to do a bunk
• He’s a good chap, sometimes
• Amy’s great-aunty died last week
• Amy thought Daniel was … you know …
• Amy Vs Clive Vs Alice
• And the real Matt triumph

Matt’s had a break-in

Now that’s a surprise (!).

Matt gets a call from the site foreman to tell him all the metal has been stolen.

Lilian is straight on the button

[Lilian] “Hold on. This is Clive, isn’t it? Did you gave him another job … you did, didn’t you. I knew it!”

But Matt basically tells her to shush as he heads out to sort it.


Clive’s had a break-in

Someone’s broken into Clive’s rented lock-up and has stolen the stuff that he stole.

Oh, the irony.

Bernie is not happy. He has buyers lined up, and reckons Clive has made him look a fool.

Clive reckons they’ll catch up with the thieves when they try and move it on. But Bernie doesn’t sound so sure. And when he checks round, no-one has heard anything.

Then Matt calls him to check that he stole the metal fine, and to check when he’s getting his money.

Well, couldn’t have happened to a nicer bloke.


What an odd accent that Policewoman had

Scottish crossed with Yorkshire.



An impoverished post-grad

Is what Alice is.

She’s even struggling to buy herself a decent lunch.

[Lilian] “Oh darling, I hardly think a jacket potato is going to make a difference … you need to care of yourself though”

Just as Clive is about to do a bunk

He reckons he has mates in London he can stay with.

But, just as he’s about to grab a bag, Matt catches up with him.

He doesn’t believe Clive that the metal has been stolen.

Or, does he?


He’s a good chap, sometimes

As Clive is trying to wriggle out of Matt not believing the metal has been stolen, he claims that he’s never ripped Matt off before.

Matt doesn’t agree.

He mentions the second hand bathroom Clive passed off as new (and though had got away with).

Matt tells Clive he’s going to show the video to the Police. Clive tells Matt that he’ll bring him down with him.

So it comes down to who the Police will believe.

[Clive] “Why shouldn’t they (believe me)? You’re no better than me. You’ve done time an all”

[Matt] “Yeah but I’m not a cheap common thug am I. Or on parole.”

Clive panics. He tells Matt he’ll double – triple - the money if the Police aren’t involved.

[Clive] “Just don’t dob me in. You know what it’s like inside. I’ve spent half me life locked away. I can’t do another stretch. I’ll do whatever you want.”

[Matt] “Alright, I’ll make you a deal, I won’t grass you up just as long as you don’t get anywhere near Ambridge ever again … how’s that Clive? Do we have a deal?”

Ah-ha!

How we could ever have doubted Matt.

He had a plan all along to get rid of Clive.

Marvellous.


Amy’s great-aunty died last week

That’s a shame.

It means her gran (the feisty Mabel Thompson) is the last of the sisters alive.


Amy thought Daniel was … you know … 

Alice was telling Amy about Daniel’s girlfriend (Well, she’s not really. She likes Alistair. And, well, Alistair seems to like her. All very complicated).

[Amy] “Girlfriend? Really? I always thought he might be …”

What?

Might be what?

Guess we’ll never know what Amy was about to say. That bloomin’ Clive interrupted.


Amy Vs Clive Vs Alice

Another odd thing.

Clive stumbles into the pub that Alice and Amy are in. He seems already half cut, then spots Alice (as she was trying to hide from him).

[Clive] “Don’t walk away! Stuck up cow!”

[Amy] “Hey … be quiet please. Do you understand she doesn’t want to talk to you”

And it sounded like Amy pushed him over.

[Clive] “Crazy mare”

The odd bit was that Alice seemed annoyed at Amy. Though Amy was insistent that you have to:

[Amy] “tell folks like that where to do”

Was Alice just scared of what Clive will do now that they have offended him?


And the real Matt triumph

Was that he and Bernie stole the metal from Clive. Bernie sold it. And Matt’s share is £1,100. Plus the insurance money. And, of course, Clive now has to stay away from Ambridge.

[Matt] “I dealt with Clive in my own way pussycat …I promise., Clive Horrobin is out of our lives for good”

From the purring Lilian was making, it would seem Matt’s pretty perfect day didn’t just end there ... nudge nudge ...

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 22nd November 2011: Erin declares for Alistair

• What’s Erin playing at?
• Actually, what’s Alistair playing at?
• Clive. Signing ‘Bad to the Bone’. Badly
• A poisoned budgie
• A film or dogs eating curry?
• Clive on the rob

What’s Erin playing at?

Daniel reckons she’s been avoiding him since they snogged last week.

Which sounds true enough, as they haven’t seen each other. But:

[Erin] “Come on Dan, don’t start freaking out on me now”

But he calms down when Erin says that she “can’t wait” to come over his tomorrow.

Which is a same on Daniel. As it sounds like Erin is more excited about shadowing Alistair than spending time with his son …


Actually, what’s Alistair playing at?

… as we know is the case when Alistair gets a text from Erin.

[Erin text] “Are we still on for tomorrow? Can’t wait to see you”

Alistair – to himself - Don’t flatter yourself Alistair. She can’t like you like that

This is getting quite bizarre.

Alistair then asks Daniel if Erin has been asking about her visits to them.

How creepy.

Alistair then decides that he’ll text something formal.

[Alistair text] “That’ll be fine”

This really makes for uncomfortable eavesdropping.


Clive. Signing ‘Bad to the Bone’. Badly

That’s all I have to say on that.


A poisoned budgie

[Erin] “It was funny. It wasn’t her budgie who needed treatment!”

Seems Erin and Alistair went on a home visit to a woman who has poisoned her budgie with chocolate chip cookies.

That’s not funny.

They should have removed that budgie without any further questions.

Poor budgie.


A film or dogs eating curry?

Erin chose to stay and talk to Alistair about a dog eating curry, rather than take Daniel up on his offer to watch a film in his room.

Alistair spots there’s a bit of tension, so leaves them to it (grudgingly so, I’m sure).

But Erin then makes to leave. She reckons she has stuff to do.

[Daniel] “No. I get it. It doesn’t matter. So will you be coming over gain. I mean to shadow my dad”

(oh how close to the truth was Daniel! This is not going to be a good thing for anyone).

Before Erin does leave, she snogs Daniel.

But later texts Alistair:

[Erin text] “Had a fab time with you today. Can’t stop thinking about when I can come over again. I’m free next Thursday. Text me back xx “

Alistair – to himself – oh no

Hmmm.

I don’t think Alistair was too displeased about Erin’s text. He’d just finished talking to Daniel about how mature Erin was …

… course, this could all just be a mistake. Maybe Erin has just mistaken Alistair’s number for Daniel’s?

Probably not …


Clive on the rob

Clive has ‘stolen’ all of the metal from Matt’s house development.

He gets away without being spotted or chased, and once gets to the lock up calls Bernie.

All going to plan?

Ambridge Extra Thursday 17th November 2011: Alistair and Erin … odd

• Clive’s plans gang aft agley
• What did Matt get in the post?
• Hope Daphne the cat was okay
• It’s all inappropriate, Alistair
• Lilian ready to call the Police

Clive’s plans gang aft agley

Clive needs to be on site at Matt’s development if he’s going to be able to steal the metal. Matt knows about it, but has distanced himself to the point where Clive is very much on his own. Matt just wants the cash at the end.

So Clive is panicked when he’s laid off from the job. There isn’t enough work for him. How will he steal the metal if he doesn't work there?

Am I being thick? Couldn't Clive just break in? As per?


What did Matt get in the post?

He was very cagey about it.

He tried to get to the post first, but Lilian beat him to it. She thought it might be a present for her Christmas, but Matt claimed it was “kit” for the office. A webcam for video conferencing. Even though they never do video conferencing.

What’s he up to now?


Hope Daphne the cat was okay

Seems so. Alistair seemed to be quite happy with her progress.


It’s all inappropriate, Alistair

What on earth is Alistair thinking about? Though we can hear his thoughts (still don’t understand how that works), it really doesn’t make any sense.

He’s early awaiting Erin turning up at his surgery. She’s still shadowing him.

Alistair – to himself - Is that her? She is stunning

(hmmm …)

Erin then stroked Alistair by mistake. Ones hopes it was just his hand – she was aiming for the cat.

(hmmm …)

Erin also wants to make her shadowing it a regular thing.

(hmmm …)

Erin starts talking to Alistair about Daniel,

[Erin] “He’s very shy, isn’t he? Quiet. He’s not had many girlfriends, has ne? He’s just not like other lads I know … he’s just really different”

Which Erin reckons is a good thing. Kind of.

[Alistair] “Look I know I’m obviously biased, Daniel’s a special boy. He’s kind. Thoughtful. I’m really proud of him”

And then (there’s more!) Erin starts opening up to Alistair. Telling him about her home life, how her dad left when she was wee, and the like.

Alistair – to himself - Why is she telling me this. She’s lovely, but this feels like too much 

(eh? Does Alistair think she’s cracking onto him?)

[Erin] “It’s funny. I suppose I’ve always felt an adult, even when I was little”

(hmmm …)

Alistair – to himself - maybe she just wants to talk. This isn’t appropriate. I can’t be her confidant.

(why not? Does he just want to be physical? Or, is it because she’s kind-of Daniel’s girlfriend?)

[Erin] “You know, you’re a lot Dan. At least you’ve got similar eyes. They are the same gorgeous blue”

Alistair - to himself - okay that’s crossed the line

(what? The she though Alistair was Daniel’s biological dad, which he tells her he isn’t, or that she called his eyes “gorgeous?”)

After telling Erin that he adopted Daniel.

[Erin] “That makes a lot of sense … you’re so much more …”

Alistair – to himself – what?

But Erin does say what Alistair is “so much more”

I’m confused.

What’s Alistair thinking? Is he wrestling with the fact that Erin is a young lass, and going out with his son – so off limits. Or, is he attracted but worried that Erin feels the same, and is worried about something happening? Does he want something to happen?


Lilian ready to call the Police

After trying to call matt without success (doesn’t Clive ever take a hint?), he turns up at the Dower House.

Lilian is not amused.

[Lilian] “Matt … you get him out of here ...you know you shouldn’t be here … are you going to get rid of him. Matt, I’ve had enough of him.”

Matt takes Clive outside, and tells him where to sling it. Clive wants Matt to get him his job back at the site. But Matt isn’t interested.

[Matt] “I’ve got to sort Lilian out now, and it’s not just her who doesn’t want you around”

When Matt gets back in, Lilian is ready to call the Police. Clive is hanging around on is mobile to someone.

[Lilian] “He needs permission … what if he comes back, or goes on a rampage round the village?”

She won’t even let Matt leave the house. If he does, she will call the Police on Clive.

[Lilian] “You may think you’re honouring some ex convict’s code …”

[Matt] “You have to let me deal with this in my own way. I wouldn’t let anything happen to you. I promise, pussycat, I’ve got it under control”

Methinks Matt speaks too soon. Clive was already on the phone trying to work out how he can get all of the metal on his own. Dodgy. Trouble surely is ahead.

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 15th November 2011: Daniel nearly becomes a man

• The French Lieutenant's Woman
• Not a special birthday
• That Erin is a bit of a …
• Matt’s a one-man Clive cheerleader
• Daniel’s big moment!
• Matt doesn’t want to be seen with Clive
• Nope. No moment for Daniel
• Alistair texting Erin

The French Lieutenant's Woman

Is what Daniel’s studying for English.

[Daniel] “Notions of destiny, identity and freewill”

He may be a bit odd, but sounds like Daniel isn’t dim.

Unless he was writing straight from York’s Notes …


Not a special birthday

Seems Erin looked “hot” at Daniel’s birthday. She was wearing shorts (in this weather! … is what my gran would have said). But Daniel was left wishing he’d “done something”, especially as he thinks she might have wanted him to.

He reckons he’s blown it.

Later on, Erin tells him she wishes his birthday had gone a bit long.

So technically, Daniel did make a hash of it.

But not to worry. Erin takes charge.


That Erin is a bit of a …

… confident young lady who knows what she wants.

Good on her.

She invites Daniel round to hers, as her mum is out. So they can have the place to themselves.

Daniel thinks to himself that he might not have blown it at his birthday.

Ya think, Daniel?

Maybe he’s just academically not dim …


Matt’s a one-man Clive cheerleader

Lilian’s laying it on thick about how awful Clive has been since Ivy died.

[Lilian] “I’m not sure what’s worse, then he talked his poor father into giving them or he tried to pass them off to poor Kylie … if he’s prepared to do that to his own family.

“At least someone’s got the courage send Clive packing … and his sister of all people!

“Don’t you see? You’re the only one who wants anything to do with him!”

But Matt isn’t listening. He leaves rather than to suffer anymore of Lilian’s (quite right and reasonable) chat about Clive.

Matt isn’t exactly Clive’s best friend, but he does know he can turn Clive’s talent for being one step adrift of the law to his own advantage.


Daniel’s big moment!

At Erin’s, she tells Daniel where to sit, then squeezes in next to him.

Daniel – to himself - say something

[Daniel] “I like your wallpaper”

Daniel – to himself - wallpaper, what are you talking about!

Erin then tells him she wanted his birthday to go on longer. Then she tucks her feet under his legs.

They start play fighting,

Daniel – to himself - go on, do it … I can smell her skin

But Erin has to spell it out. She’s telling Daniel about her friends talking about him.

[Erin] “They want to know what you’re like. So do I. Well. Are you going to kiss me or not?”

[Daniel] “Yeah. Well. Sorry”

[Erin] “Come here!”

And then – and I kid you not – the background music rises into a crescendo.

Ugh.

As if it wasn’t uncomfortable enough listening to two teens getting ‘close’.


Matt doesn’t want to be seen with Clive

Clive’s been trying to get the metal out of the house Matt’s been doing up.

But there’s other workmen around.

And while he has a truck, he can’t get a lockup.

And, the job is also happening too fast for him to sort himself out.

[Clive] “We have to talk. You need to slow things down”

Matt tells him to shut his mouth.

[Matt] “Whatever you need to do, just do it. I don’t want to know. I don’t want us seen talking”

Then Matt tells Clive he knows about Ivy’s rings, and how he basically stole them.

[Matt] “if you can do that to your old dad, you can do this”

That’s him told.


Nope. No moment for Daniel

Daniel – to himself – is this right? … I’m not sure … perhaps I’m supposed to … s’aright, close your eyes … not sure if she’s expecting me to … woah, okay, maybe she does … great legs … come on, just go with it … move your hands a bit higher … okay, maybe a bit more

Erin stops him, but it’s only because Daniel is leaning on her. She asks him to put his hand back where it was and to stop apologising so much. – leaning on her, wants his hand back – stop apologising

Daniel – to himself - okay, so this could be it, it’ll be fine

But alas – they hear the door slam. It’s probably Erin’s mum.

[Erin] “Quick. Do your shirt back up”

Daniel then (rather ungallantly) suggests they drive somewhere to carry on.

That’ll be his trousers speaking.

[Daniel] “Just as long as. Was that okay?”

[Erin] “Yeah, yeah of course. That was lovely”

Never mind Daniel.

I’m sure Erin will lead you through it all again soon


Alistair texting Erin

That's just wrong.

The Archers Thursday 10th November: Ivy Horrobin’s funeral

• The Horrobins gather
• Clive meets Kylie
• Susan rips Clive a new one

The Horrobin’s gather

Tracey with her two kids. No sign of Den (who I assume his her man friend).

Bert looks lost.

Seems Gary looks like he just got out of bed.

Keith’s wife Donna in a very noticeable red dress.

[Pat] “I hope she doesn’t catch a chill in that …”

Kirsty is of course of great interest (especially to Pat).

[Clarrie] “You’d never guess her dad were that Clive”

And, then there’s Clive.

[Tracey] “Clive. So, you made it then …so, what are you after then? On the cadge as usual. A smoke I suppose?”

Which he doesn’t say no to.

Clive spots Kylie talking to Susan, but doesn’t go over.

Which is fair enough. As the hearse arrives at the same time. Which both he and Susan similarly are upset by.

[Susan] “Come on the. Let’s put on the best show we can. For mum”

Clive meets Kylie

[Clive] “So, you’re Kylie, right? Hello. I’m Clive. Yer dad”

[Kylie] “Oh, yeah. Hello”

[Clive] “Kylie, I know it’s been a long time”

[Kylie] “22 years …”

[Clive] “So we’ve got a lot to catch up on!”

[Kylie] “I don’t get it. I don’t understand why. All that time and nothing. Not even a phone call or a birthday card …”

[Clive] “Kylie, what happened with you mum, it were hard for me”

[Kylie] “Hard! All you had to do was pick up the phone!”

[Clive] “But what was I going to say?”

[Kylie] “Well if you had nothing to say to me then. You have nothing to say to me now!”

That didn’t go well. Clive was being far too flippant, and Kylie wasn’t buying it. She was quite right in saying that Clive can’t just walk back into her life.

So was does Clive do?

He tries to bride her with Ivy’s rings.

Numpty.

He tries to claim she left them to him, and that he was going to keep them for Kylie.

Kirsty doesn’t even believe that one. And she doesn’t even know Clive.

[Kylie] “They should be Susan’s …keep your gifts. I don’t want them. I don’t ever want to see you again”

Susan rips Clive a new one

Susan notices that Clive and Kylie are not having a polite, gentle conversation.

She finds out that Clive’s got Ivy’s ring.

[Susan] “Oh, I see. You mean you sweet talked him round and took them. Helped yourself!”

[Clive] “Mind. You should be careful what you’re saying”

[Susan] “So, a new leaf is it? I should have known better. A leopard never changes his spots …”

(as Clive tries to walk away)

[Susan] “Don’t you dare. Don’t think you’ll get away with this!”

[Clive] “It’s the truth! Mum cared for me, even if no one else did”

[Susan] “What do you know about truth!?!”

[Clive] “Mum loved me, Susan”

[Susan] “Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, she loved you, did she? You, who made her life a misery! Drove her to an early grave!”

[Clive] “What did you say!?!”

[Susan] “You heard. It’s time someone said it …well, go on then, you gonnae hit me?”

[Clive] “You don’t to me like that. You’ve going to watch you hadn’t said that!”

(it then sounded like Susan gave him a slap)

[Susan] “Go on. Get out of here. I don’t want you near dad again or this village!”

[Clive] “You know what you are, you’re sick. I’m going. I’m through with you and I’m through with this whole sick family”

[Susan] “That’s it. Go on. And don’t come back”

Phew!

Good on you Susan. Here’s hoping that Clive does leave for good.

Though I doubt it. Chances are he’ll be back with a revenge.

And Kylie saw the whole thing, which much have been a shock.

To know your dad is a bit of a loser is one thing, but to see him being such an aggressive nutter is another.

Ambridge Extra Thursday 10th November 2011: Happy Birthday for Clive

(he is easily pleased …)

• Stealing scrap metal … how schemie
• Something inappropriate about to happen between Alistair and Erin?
• Flukes are not funny
• Clive only has to dangle to get Matt

Stealing scrap metal … how schemie

Clive really has no class.

He has a proposal for Matt.

It involves Matt taking him on to strip the metal out of a house he’s developing. Once it’s stripped, Clive breaks in to steal it. Matt claims on insurance, Clive sells the metal and splits the cash from that with Matt.

Clive - to himself – oh come on, give me a break, it’s my birthday

What a piece of work. No one to share a birthday with – no one cares – so all he’s got is a possible scam.


Something inappropriate about to happen between Alistair and Erin?

First it was Erin, going on about talking about driving tight lanes (!)

Then we hear Alistair talking to himself that it’s okay if she answers her phone – it doesn’t mean he’s boring her.

And then, Erin says she’s going to give Daniel a night he “won’t forget” for his birthday.

That nearly made Alistair miss his turn when driving.

And finally – when they part for the day (Erin was helping Alistair on his rounds after Shula suggested it – Erin wants to be a vet) – Alistair reflects to himself that Erin really is a charming young girl … as she’s leaving, he calls her back to ask her to come with him again.

Is it just me – or are there funny things afoot?


Flukes are not funny

Certainly not to sheep.

Mr Purves’ sheep has them.

Seems sheep ingest them, the flukes tunnel thought gut wall and get into the liver.

Nasty.

Alistair reckons it’s because Mr Purves grazed his sheep on wet marshy land. And now some of his sheep have died. He’ll have to treat all of the rest. Post mortem. Surveys. The lot.

Mr Purves is not happy. He reckons it’s all a rouse to make more money out of him.

(all of which was very similar to many a moment from All Creatures Great and Small).

But not to worry.

Seems Erin has charm when it comes to the male of the species, regardless of age or station in life.

She tells him that he’s respected and that they’ll work together on the most cost effective solution.

Which he agrees to, and they all go off for a cup of tea.

Blimey. Erin must have some eye-catching assets …


Clive only has to dangle to get Matt

Doing a deal with that bloke Bernie, Clive’s worked put that he could probably get £1,800 from all the metal in Matt’s house.

But he later tells Matt it’s only worth about £1,000. Which, after a bit of a stare out, Matt accepts.

[Bernie] “So you’ve really got old Crawford on the hook have you?”

[Clive] “I only have to dangle the bait. He’s thinks he’s so much better. He’s just a player like the rest of us”

Hmmm. My money is still on Matt.

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 8th November 2011: Neil tackles Clive, Daniel tackles Raife

• Neil starts to lose his temper
• Who is Gavin?
• Neil kicks Clive out
• Clive scares Daniel
• Don’t call me, I’ll call you
• Daniel was “epic”

Neil starts to lose his temper

[Neil] “Any idea where your mum kept her bin bags Clive?”

But Clive isn’t listening. He’s found a photo album, and is looking through it.

[Neil] “Clive, enough. We’re not here to take a wander down memory lane!”

[Clive] “Fine. I got you. Thanks for being so sensitive”

I think Clive had a point – he was enjoying looking at the old family photos, but Neil was there to clear out Ivy’s stuff as Susan couldn’t face it. Time and place, methinks.


Who is Gavin?

A bit of a stirrer, by the sounds of it.

He’s a mate of Daniel’s and is winding Daniel up about Erin.

[Gavin] “Get in there. The whole school thinks you’re together anyway”

Daniel is a gent and truthfully says there’s nothing going on, but Gavin wants to push it. He tells Daniel that Raife has been saying stuff like Erin was possessive, and:

[Gavin] “She’d thought she’d seduce a little boy instead that she can control”

Later on – Gavin then shows Daniel what Raife has been saying about Erin on Facebook. Stuff like -warning, bunny boiler alter – how’s your new boyfriend, does he like used goods – and such nonsense.

But, it’s enough to enrage Daniel, who storms off to go and find Raife …


Neil kicks Clive out

Hurrah!

Clive’s upstairs going through Ivy’s stuff. Amongst the old dentures (!), he finds £300 in notes.

Just as he is about to pocket them, Neil walks in and catches him.

Bit shouting match ensues.

[Clive] “You don’t want to cause you’ll know what she’ll say … Sue knows I’ve changed … she’s the only who has ever cared … you just wait til she hears how she’s been treating your brother”

[Neil] “Get out … I’m not letting you take advantage any longer … are you going to hit me, I wonder whose side Susan will be on then!”

And Clive doth exit.


Clive scares Daniel

As Neil is kicking Clive out, Daniel is passing the house on his bike.

Neil’s telling Clive to go away after the funeral – Daniel sounds scared.

[Clive to Daniel] “What you looking at?!?”

[Daniel] “Erm, nothing”

[Neil] “Don’t you talk to him!”

Course, Clive doesn’t realize who Daniel is, but Neil knows that Daniel will be quite rightly terrified at the sight (and sound) of Clive.

After Clive has left:

[Daniel] “Aren’t you scared? Talking to him like that? Aren’t you worried? He might come back to hurt you”

[Neil] “Nah, he won’t. Anyway, what’s the alternative, just to him get away with it … and let him carry on hurting people. No, it won’t do Daniel. Sometimes you’ve just got to stand up to people like that”

Quite right Neil. And good on you.

Heroes sometimes come in pig man sizes.


Don’t call me, I’ll call you

After having a rather bad time with Neil, Clive tries to cheer himself by getting more work from Matt.

Actually, he starts begging. Which wasn’t pretty to hear.

[Matt] “Don’t ring me again. I’ll call you if I need anything”

Aha! Couldn’t have happened to a nice bloke.


Daniel was “epic”

So it seems.

[Gavin] “Serious mate, that was epic. No-one talks to Raife like that!”

Amongst other things, Daniel went up to Raife and called him a loser.

Daniel – to himself - I could feel myself shaking, it was like someone else was talking

[Gavin] “You completely shamed him. Erin's going to be so impressed … when Erin finds out, I guarantee you you’re going to be get the best birthday present ever”

Not so sure about that. I don’t think today’s young ladies like having their “honor defended”.

The Archers Thursday 3rd November 2011: Brookfield to turn supermarket?

• “Why bother?” reckons Ruth
• Is it fair to have Roy as best man? Again?
• Phil Archer has his say
• Helen, Shania Twain and some sort of Celtic ditty
• Clive should stay away from The Bull

“Why bother?” reckons Ruth

Seems Brookfield’s herd have done fine this year, but they need to make a healthy profit every year. If not, why bother, Ruth reckons.

She’s despondent at yet another not great year.

What’s more, Ruth reckons the best prices to be had for their milk is to sell it direct to supermarkets.

But, David warns that it’s getting tougher to get and to keep supermarket contracts. Plus it seems the contracts come with some fairly tough stipulations – like scoring the cows (on everything from how they walk to the state of their hocks.

[David] “Think of all the form filling. And if you slip up, you lose the contract … I’m just saying it’s not straight forward, even if we get one”

But Ruth (and Pip) reckon they should at least try to get one.


Is it fair to have Roy as best man? Again?

Will has to pop the question to Roy today. And he’s wondering if it’s actually fair on Nic to have Roy as best man, considering he was also best man first time round when Will married Emma.

But:

[Will] “I got you trained up now”

And Roy reckons it would be a pleasure.

After all – why blame Roy for the last time? Surely Ed had something more to do with it …


Phil Archer has his say

(through David)

Ruth and David are still talking about how Brookfield isn’t quite the profitable enterprise it should be.

Their grazing paddocks haven’t gone as planned. They were meant to cut down their production costs but, they haven’t.

[Ruth] “Why is everything so complicated?”

[David] “It’s farming love, if it was easy everyone would be doing it”

(and there speaks a true farmer. It’s only farming that’s a difficult way of life, of course …)

[Ruth] “Pip thinks it’s easy. Sign up to a direct supply contract. Get our beef on the social media sites. And the world will come beating a path to our door … not to mention the money we’d be making”

[David] “Dad always said there wasn’t any quick fixes in farming. It’s paying attention to detail, plus you’ve got to be in it for the long haul”

[Ruth] “It’s been a long haul alright. Only I’m still not sure if we’re getting anywhere”

[David] “Old pasture always does better in a drought than new lays”

(is what Phil also used to say)

So all’s well with that utterance.

Off David and Ruth trot to introduce a wider range of species into their pastures to make them drought resistant.


Helen, Shania Twain and some sort of Celtic ditty

Helen has said yes to being Nic’s bridesmaid (with Mia). Seems she thinks it would cheer her up.

Nic has decided on some sort of Celtic water type music for walking up the isle

(and no – that’s not Celtic football – so it isn’t sectarian …)

Shania Twain’s “Still the One” will play while they’re signing.

Clarrie’s doing the cake.

AND Nic asks Clarrie if she’s accompany her to look at wedding dresses.

Which Clarrie is delighted about. She’s never had the chance to do so before, considering she has two boys (and an Emma).

So all’s well so far with the wedding plans. Hurrah!


Clive should stay away from The Bull

Clive comes into The Bull when Will, Roy and David are propping up the bar.

Whole Roy reckons everyone deserves a second chance (that’ll explain why he puts up with so much from Kate!). David and Will don’t quite concur.

[Will] “Not round here he’s not … it’s not as if she’ ever going to change. He’s like a fox. It’s in his nature”

[David] “How he’s got the nerve …”

There’s hope Clive will be on his way after Ivy’s funeral.

[Will] “And if he doesn’t want to move after that, there's a few round here who’d willingly give him a good sendoff”

Mind you, that’s a lot of talk and no action.

They didn’t utter a word to Clive.

Passive aggression in Ambridge …

Ambridge Extra Thursday 3rd November 2011: Clive thinks he is smarter than Matt

• Sloppy seconds
• Clive really is a w*nker
• Alistair approves of Erin’s wheels
• And now Clive goes for the money shot …
• Shula’s setting up Erin

Sloppy seconds

Clive’s doing some dodgy deal with Bernie.

Sounds like he’s buying a bathroom from Bernie. It’s a second hand one (how does that happen, by the way?) which Clive is going to sell onto Matt as new.

Clive fits the bathroom – but Matt does spot that there are marks on them.

But, Clive twists it round. He reckons that’s the way he got them from Bernie, and Bernie won’t be happy if they complain. If Bernie isn’t happy, they can’t do any more deals. Which means having to buy in more expensive stock. And anyway, it’s only a rental property.

Matt seems to fall for it.

Clive – to himself - like taking sweets from a baby – who is using who now Mr big shot. You’re not as smart as you think you are

Hmmm.

I think matt has underestimated Clive, but Clive would do well to also not underestimate Matt.


Clive really is a w*nker

Clive is being horrible to Bert. His dad. Recently widowed (husband of the recently departed Ivy).

He’s taken him out to the pub, but Clive really interested in looking after or helping Bert.

It’s all about Clive, Clive, Clive …

Bert’s getting the pints on (!), is a bit wobbly and upset, spills the beer on Clive’s phone, Clive shouts at him (!!) and tells him to go get a cloth (!!!).

Clive – to himself - dozy old fool, look at this mess, can’t he do anything right

Clive then says to Bert that he doesn’t know why Susan is bothering inviting Kylie – after insisting to Susan that she must invite Kylie.

As I said above.

What a w*nker.


Alistair approves of Erin’s wheels

And reckons her parents must have bags of money to be able to buy insurance for her.

At one point, he shouts “nice ride” over to Erin, which is a tad inappropriate.

But it’s all another point in Erin’s favor. Good looking. Intelligent. Talented. A plan for her life. And rich parents.

All it needs now is for Erin to actually fancy Daniel.


And now Clive goes for the money shot …

[Clive] “Listen dad, about mum, I don’t suppose you’ve had a chance to think about what she’s leaving us?”
Here we go.

Clive’s going onto Bert about how he has nothing to remember Ivy by. Not even a photo.

He spins Bert a story about how Ivy told him (Clive) that she wanted him (Clive) to make a better life for himself. Including wife and kids.

[Clive] “She said she wanted me to have her rings. Engagement and wedding ring. Didn’t she tell you … how she said it was I should have them, so that even when she weren’t around anymore I could look at them to remind me that she were watching and not to disappoint her …. Her last wish was that I should find someone to give them to …”

Bert starts crying.

[Bert] “Yes, well, I suppose if that’s what she wanted. Alright then. It’s not like I’ll be needing them anymore”

Clive – to himself - what does he care anyway? He’ll never know. At least I’ll be able to make some use of them.

Again. What a w*nker.


Shula’s setting up Erin

Daniel’s not around when Erin calls, so Shula steps in to make sure Erin still visits after their homework project is finished.

She does so by offering up Alistair.

Erin’s now going to go out on rounds with Alistair

Shula – to herself - I’m only trying to help. She deserves some support

Mum and dad involved in trying to get Daniel a girlfriend … this can’t end well, surely.