40p off of turkey slices: Thurs 01.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Thursday 1st November 2012

• Ed and Emma are sleeping apart
• Damn rural buses!
• George is the poor kid
• Will demands better

Ed and Emma are sleeping apart

Yup, things can get worse for them.

Emma’s even reminded of the time they had to live in the caravan … it is indeed really that grim.

The self-confessed Princess is really struggling. She was used to a “cosy “ home growing up, where Ed was used to ice on the inside of the Grundy household.

Though Emma is feeling philosophical:

[Emma] “Nanny used to say you should cut your clothes to match your cloth.”

She’s also being practical.

She’s decided she’s not going to London.

[Emma] “I can’t face Jody. Not like this.”

[Ed] “You look alright.”

[Emma] “You used to say I looked gorgeous.”

(oh dear! Amateur error there Ed)

[Emma] “I would love to go for a cappuccino just because … lippy … tube of hand cream …
I miss being careless … our life is either about 40p off a packet of turkey slices or an £87 water bill. There’s nothing in-between anymore. The fun things have all gone.”

As well as her schoolmate Jody having escaped Ambridge and now marrying a rich chap, Emma also has to watch other Ambridge ladies doing well. Alice, with her new job. Pip, going skiing.

[Ed] “We had to fight so hard to be together, now more than ever. We need to keep fighting, or this will tear us apart.”

Indeed.


Damn rural buses!

Emma’s literally stuck in the house now that they don’t have their car.

[Emma] “Especially since they cut the buses.”

Aye, same round our way.

It took me nearly 2 hours to do what would be a 20 minute journey in a car the other day. And that bus only runs every third Sunday at 6.30am.

Touch wood my van keeps it up!


George is the poor kid

Every class had at least one.

The kid who never had a decent lunch with them. Threadbare clothes. Often a bit smelly …

As Emma pulls out clothes for George that she’d taken from Ruth’s family sloppy seconds, she finds a football shirt.

Ed points out it’s for the wrong team, but Emma doesn’t give a hoot. It’ll do, even though:

[Emma] “He always looks the poorest in this class.”

Will demands better

George let slip to Will that he and Emma had been stranded in their car, next to a main road.

Will’s fuming.

[Will] “He’s been letting George ride around in a rust bucket … No wonder he was crying in the night.”

Strangely enough, Eddie then tells Will everything (according to Will – we didn’t get to hear it). I thought Eddie would have had more tact.

[Will] “Dad’s just told me they're living hand to mouth at Rickyard.”

And they’re in debt.

[George] “It’s not what I wasn’t for George. And what are they spending his maintenance on eh, cause it sure as hell ain't George.”

[Nic] “They wouldn’t deprive the children.”

[Will] “On bills I bet.”

(well, surely they need to use the maintenance for at least a share of the bills?)

[Will] “What if he's going hungry … I can’t bear the thought of it. It would be a start if he came to use more often.”

[Nic] “If you square it with Emma …”

[Will] “She doesn’t have a leg to stand on now!”

Though Nic tells Will to take it calm, do we hear a custody battle ahoy?

Nic and Will’s wedding 01/01/12

The Archers Sunday 1st January 2012

• Will was in bed for the bells
• Second time lucky
• Helen’s saucy garter
• Nic puts her dress on
• Caroline’s back to form
• William Edward marries Nicola Louise
• The doomed cake
• Will’s a changed man
• Bartleby was the highlight

Will was in bed for the bells

10.30pm, in fact. In a strange bed, all alone.

Well, fair enough. He is getting married today.


Second time lucky

Will’s remembering the day he married Emma:

[Will] “Even then I knew something was wrong … day of the wedding, I remember sitting on the tombstone in the churchyard trying to figure out what was going on with Emma, then she told me she was pregnant, then I thought, well that explains everything. How wrong can you be?”

[Roy] “It’s ancient history now”

[Will] “Couldn’t be more different this time. I know it’s right. I’m completely relaxed”

[Roy] “Well, you were pretty scratchy last week!”

[Will] “I know Nic loves me. And I can’t wait to stand up there, in front of everyone, and tell them how much I love her”

Helen’s saucy garter

Helen gives Nic a garter for her something new. Seems it dates back to Helen’s “misspent youth”.

[Helen] “I thought a garter would make men fall at my feet … well, only to look up my skirt”

As Nic puts it on:

[Helen] “Fantastic. You don’t even need the dress!”

Nic puts her dress on

Which was a complicated procedure, taking at least 5 minutes of eavesdropping time …

But, Will certainly appreciated the effort as Nic walked down the aisle.

[Will] “Look Roy. Just look. Isn’t she beautiful!”

Caroline’s back to form

After the cake debacle, Caroline’s back to her usual precise and proficient self.

It takes her and her team only 15 minutes to switch the room round from the marriage ceremony to the meal.



William Edward marries Nicola Louise

I always find it hard to listen to Will without imagining he has a sneer on his face, but his vows sounded heartfelt.

And that was that really. Will said his vows. Nic said hers. No objections or lover rushing in at the last minute.

Quite sweet, really.



The doomed cake

Ian doesn’t want to lift the cake on his own. Which is fair enough. But I was a tad concerned that he asked Caroline to help, considering her track record with that cake.

[Ian] “I have a terrible feeling that this cake is doomed!”

But all was well. The cake was constructed without further incident. And it would seem Clarrie didn’t notice the freshly made replacement tier, nor did anyone else notice Caroline taking two of the tiers away as soon as she could.


Will’s a changed man

During Roy’s best man speech:

[Roy] “Will hasn’t always been the relaxed, confident, contented man that you see today … he’s changed, and we all know why, don’t we, it’s because he met. Who made him smile and taught him what real love means”

Very good point indeed. Will has changed from being a morose, violent thug to being rather sweet and calm.

Well done Nic. You’ve probably saved Ed’s life …


Bartleby was the highlight

[Clarrie] “Poor Nic riding round in that old trap just for the sake of keeping Joe happy. I never heard of nothing so daft”

But Nic loved it. Folks were waving at them as they went round the green, and Roy had phone The Bull so that everyone there also come out to wave.

Piglets set free 29/12/11

The Archers Thursday 29th December 2011

• Was it fixed?
• Tracey lets the pig out of the bag
• Helen’s back on the booze
• Roy’s checking his list twice

Was it fixed?

Neil was trapped in the Village shop, with Susan, having to listen to Vicky’s ramblings about last night’s Christmas around the World.

[Neil] “I only popped in for some mints, not a minute by minute run down o last night’s show. I mean, we were there!”

Vicky is not only crowing about the success of Christmas around the World – she’s also elated that she won the table centrepiece decoration competition. Susan reckons it was a fix. Vicky was one of the organisers of Christmas around the World, so was also on the inside of the competition. In Susan’s opinion, Vicky shouldn’t have been allowed to enter.

[Neil] “But half the village would have been cut out!”

Tracey lets the pig out of the bag

Susan wants to call Jennifer to see if Ruairi is okay after having been sick at their Christmas morning soiree. Susan reckons Jennifer will be embarrassed:

[Neil] “Not as embarrassed as we should be if she finds out it was Tracey feeding him chocolate”

[Susan] “Maybe it would be better just to leave it”

[Neil] “Talking of leaving things and Tracey …”

[Susan] “What’s she done now?”

[Neil] “She’s still here!”

Seems Susan and Neil have different opinions about when Christmas is over. Neil reckons now – Susan reckons it’s after New Year. And she doesn’t want to ask Tracey to leave until Christmas is over.

Neil leaves it at that, but later arrives home to find chaos. His piglets are out of their pen, running amok, but Tracey is just standing around laughing.

Seems her Chelsea wanted to stroke the piglets. How that led to them all getting out isn’t explained …

[Neil] “Oh for heaven’s sake Tracey, they’re not pets!”

[Tracey] “Oh well, it’s all good exercise isn’t it, for us and the pigs”

Susan then arrives home to find her garden wrecked (piglets and gardening don’t mix well). Seems it took Neil (and Tracey, eventually) over an hour to get the piglets back where they should be.

[Neil] “It’s not on Tracey. These pigs are my livelihood … doesn’t seem like you or your kids respect that at all. This isn’t a petty zoo, and what happened wasn’t funny”

Tracey apologies and reassures that it won’t happen again. Neil is just about to tell her to pack her bags and be gone, but Susan calls time out (for a cup of tea).

[Neil] “It’s not going to work Susan. You’re not going to put me off this time!”

[Susan] “But losing your temper isn’t going to get Tracey out ... it won’t happen at all if we don’t do it properly”

Susan’s plan is to get their dad, Bert, to ask Tracey to move in – rather than for Susan and Neil to ask her to move out. A positive rather than a negative.

Either which way, Susan better get a move on before a piglet is hurt.


Helen’s back on the booze

Pink champagne, this time.

She brought it round for the wedding hairdresser rehearsal with Nic and Mia.

Slippery slope … Mike’d better stay indoors again.


Roy’s checking his list twice

Mainly because Will’s nerves are running high.

He wants to be sure Mia and Jake now how to give Nic away. That Roy had the Vangelis, Shania Twain and Handel music ready. And that Ian will be waiting on the door step with open arms for the wedding cake from Eddie.

Roy does his best to reassure Will.

But, then tells him that there is a problem with the chandelier in their function room at Grey Gables. Seems another, quite boisterous, party had been in the other night, and someone had “knocked off some of the dangly bits”.

Not sure why Roy felt the need to tell Will, as it’ll be fixed before his wedding. It sends Will into a frenzied panic. He’s worried the whole thing will now fall down (a la Phantom of the Opera style, one supposes) halfway through their wedding.

[Roy] “She’s going to ask the maintenance man to do it, not Del Boy and Rodney!”

But Will calls Caroline anyway to triple check. He does know he’s being a pain, but he also wants to be sure everything will be perfect for Nic.

[Will] “I want to give her the wedding she deserves. I love her so much”

Later on – Will is still worrying. He’s checking with Nic that Helen knows when to arrive and what to do (being Helen, she already has her own timetable written down anyway!). A bigger worry is Emma. She needs to organise George as the ring bearer. Do we sense that’s one aspect that could be a disaster …?

Nic tries to give him a sense of perspective.

[Nic] “As long as you turn up, it will be. That’s all I care about”

Sounds like that won’t be enough for Will. He needs perfection (bless ‘im).

Will’s Stag and Nic’s Hen Dos: The Archers Thursday 22nd December 2011:

• Will’s late for his own do
• Brenda needs a foreign pig farm
• “Here’s to the condemned party!”
• Tom makes use of a magazine rack
• Elona's hubby selling knock offs?
• Daniel Craig
• A bit of tonic with your vodka
• Ritual humiliation for Will
• Helen is drunk
• Will returns sober, Nic in a Police car

Will’s late for his own do

As he had a shoot on, which took time to clear up after, but netted him a fair amount of tips (his regulars knew he is getting married, so were generous).

He’s off to the pub, then a stand-up club, then a curry, then a club.

The girls are taking a limo to a club.

[Will] “It’s the driver I feel sorry for. Hope they’ve given him a set of earplugs”

Brenda needs a foreign pig farm

If she’s to persuade Tom to go somewhere hot with a beach.


“Here’s to the condemned party!”

So raised Helen at the start of Nic’s stag do.

A bit harsh, surely?

Though she sounded it in jest.


Tom makes use of a magazine rack

Says Brenda.

She keeps leaving holiday brochures lying around, but seems he tidies them up to the magazine rack without glancing inside.

Good that he’s a tidy lad, but who on earth has a magazine rack these days?



Elona’s hubby selling knock offs?

Tom spotted Elona’s Darrell in the market, selling t-shirts and mobiles. and stuff. off a stall.

Knocked off or legit?

Back to his stealing ways already?


Daniel Craig

Is what Kirsty reckons the hen night’s limo driver looks like.

[Helen] “Don’t distract him”

[Nic] “I’d have to see him in his swimming trunks to know if it’s Daniel Craig”

Seems Daniel drives a “nice and cosy and well stocked car”. Which keeps the hens happy.



A bit of tonic with your vodka

Kirsty had to be persuaded to do so …

But then a big thump is hear, losing nearly half the gin …


Ritual humiliation for Will

Sounds like the boys told the comic (at the comedy club) about Will being a gamekeeper.

The resulting jokes sounded quite blue …

The stags reckoned the comic explained why Will spends so time in the woods … though Will assures it was nothing to do with fairies, or teddy bears or picnics …

[Will] “People going home from here won’t have the first idea what we do for wildlife management”

[Tom] “Maybe so, but they are mighty impressed by what you do with badgers!”

Helen is drunk

It’s been a fair while since we’ve heard Helen merry on sherry. And she is actually merry this time!

The big thump we heard earlier was the limo running over some rocks, which have damaged its underside. So the girls are stuck in a country lane. But in comfort, with a stocked bar.

Helen goes out to see if she can get a mobile signal. No luck, but:

[Helen] “it’s strangely beautiful out here … full of stars”

There’s a big ‘hurrah!’ when the hens discover peanuts AND crisps.

And Helen seems delighted while taking a photo of Daniel Craig’s legs to put on the village website.

(he’s under the limo trying to fix it).

[Nic] “If this was the titanic, and we were about to go down, I can’t think of any better mates to share a lifeboat with”

Two hours later … they’re still in the limo, stuck in a country lane.

Daniel Craig had to sit in the front with crisps and lemonade (poor Daniel Craig).

But the hens sound happy enough. Especially Nic.

When it looks like help is coming, she doesn’t want the party to end. She tells them to tell their rescuers that they’re okay, and don’t require any assistance.

Then:

[Nic] “Why has the world turned blue?”

Will returns sober, Nic in a Police car

Will and Tom return back to Will’s. Tom is horrified to realise that Will is sober and also still has his own clothes on.

[Tom] “What’s the matter with us? Are we over the hill?”

But Will seems happy enough. He’d earlier thanked his mates for being there for him over the years, and that they were the best mates a bloke could have. He’d had a grand night.

Then the Police turn up at Will’s. They have Nic and Helen.

Seems the limo damaged was “terminal”. When Daniel Craig managed to walk to get a mobile signal, his limo colleagues were none too quick to come out and help. So, a motorist who had passed them had called the Police.

[Helen] “We just got a lift home with a rather tasty uniformed chauffer!”

[Nic] “After our captain Daniel failed to accomlp0ish his mission”

[Helen] “So he choose to go down with the ship!”

When Tom drags Helen off home:

[Nic] “I want to marry you, Will Grundy”

[Will] “It can’t come too soon for me”

Aw. And good luck to them.

Bartleby shall go to the wedding: The Archers Sunday 11th December 2011

• What to do with Bartleby’s trap?
• Hen and Stag nights
• It’s all Sharon’s fault, really
• Roy misses Phoebe

What to do with Bartleby’s trap?

Fallon’s had an idea. Though Nic can’t use Bartley’s trap before the wedding (she’s will be getting ready at Grey Gables so will be there already), Fallon reckons Roy and Will could use it to arrive.

Seems it’s a canopied trap, bright orange, made out of an old tent.

No-one wants to upset Joe. As Fallon says, he’s such a softy:

[Will] “Yeah, under all the smoke and grumpiness”

But, it’s not practical for Nic, and it also sounds like the trap isn’t exactly a work of beauty:

[Will] “It’s dead nice of him but, yeah, it glows so much you can see it from space!”

Will also isn’t convinced about him and Roy using it.

[Will] “No one cares what me and Roy look like when we get to the wedding”

But, Nic later comes up trumps. They’re going to use Bartley and his special trap as a “lap of honour” round the village Green after they’ve been married.

Aw.

Bartleby will be pleased.


Hen and Stag nights

Fallon and Nic are planning the hen night, so Roy and Will have to go to the pub.

[Roy] “Fantastic, first no one cares what I look like and then I can’t sit down!”

Will mentions that if the girls aren’t going for a nurse theme, air hostess would do just as well …

The hen night seems to be sorted, apart from one small problem … Emma.

Nic doesn’t want Emma there, Emma won’t want to be there, but Emma will see it as a snub if she isn’t at least invited, and will hold a grudge.

Fallon to the rescue!

She called Emma. Told her about the hen night and that Nic wanted her to come. But also said that they knew it was late notice (it’s next Thursday), so would understand if she couldn’t get Ed to babysit. And right enough – Emma said she’d love to come, but that Ed was out that evening so she couldn’t go out.

[Fallon] “There you go, family honour satisfied and everyone gets what they want”

Roy’s organised for Harry, Tom, Pete, Chris, and Jono (who is a probable until his “missus gets out of her wrestling class” – some sort of new fitness routine thingy) to go to a comedy club, then onto Felpersham tandoori.

But they don’t seem to worry about not inviting Ed.

Quite right too, considering what he did at Will’s last finance’s hen night …


It’s all Sharon’s fault, really

Pat and Tony have decided not to tell Helen and Tom that Pat called Sharon, that Rich is definitely John’s son, but that Sharon won’t let them be involved with him.

Not so sure they shouldn’t tell all. Surely it’ll come out sooner or later, with Tom and Helen furious (suicidal, in Helen’s case) that they weren’t told?

Anyhoo. Now that the dust has settled since Pat spoke to Sharon, Pat’s moved on from entirely blaming herself to blaming Sharon.

[Pat] “]It’s the way Sharon … ever since I spoke to her I keep thinking about when she came here … obviously now I wish we hadn’t been so short with her … but for her to make out that it was all so one sided … always the same … she simply took advantage from the word go …”

They’re still angry about the way Sharon played cat and mouse with John (starting when he was but a lad of 14).

[Pat] “She was so cynical about it … so clever at it, time after time … when things weren’t working out, back she’d come”

Pat and Tony think they were just trying to protect John from being heartbroken time and time again, but also realise that he didn’t want protecting.

[Tony] “He thought it was a great lark living on the Green with her …Whatever we think of Sharon, we’re only torturing ourselves”

[Pat] “What really bothers me, I mean you should have heard her Tony, talking about coming here after we’d lost John, like she was the victim in a Victorian melodrama, the innocent Maiden turned away by the heartless gentry … no awareness, none at all, that she might have been at fault …

“what I can’t get out of my mind though … I think John and Hayley would have stayed together if it hadn’t been for her, there wouldn’t have been that terrible upset in his mind, he’d have been more careful, might still be with us Tony, he might not have died … and yet she can still stop us, the one thing that could help, seeing Rich

“It’s as raw as if we’d lost him yesterday. But you're absolutely right. It can’t be helped. So we’ve got to move on. Somehow”

But – they’re going round in circles, with little chance of making Sharon change her mind about them seeing Rich. So:

[Tony] “We have to try and jog on as normal for their sake”

Which means going out for an anniversary meal tomorrow (at The Bull), so that Tom and Helen think all’s well.


Roy misses Phoebe

 I’d completely forgotten about her!

Roy is especially missing Phoebe in the run up to Christmas. It’s too quiet at home.

[Roy] “I mean Abby’s great … but you want your whole family there”

Abby is just about old enough to now get Christmas – but Roy wants both his girls there.

Bout time for a Skype.

Joe has an “extraordinary” gift: The Archers Friday 9th December 2011

• Another mention of Peggy
• Jill’s in the Christmas mood
• Freddie gets Casper, Lily gets Paris
• Kenton has a good plan AND gets credit
• Nic is ever so diplomatic
• Shula can talk AND towel
• Tony finds out he was a granddad 13 years ago

Another mention of Peggy

It’s Jill this time. She’s saying Peggy is housebound and that her ankle is still very swollen.

I really don’t like this.

Peggy may have Elona, Lilian, Jill and co looking out for her – but I’d feel better if we could hear from Peggy herself.


Jill’s in the Christmas mood

After Lighting Up on The Green, and Deck the Halls is next.


Freddie gets Casper, Lily gets Paris

I’m not sure who the winner!

Seems Casper and Freddie took well to each other (Casper is a horse, in case you missed it a few eavesdropping ago). And Lily is very excited about going to Paris (the city, not that rather base American woman).

[Shula] “Well it would be nice if someone in the family was a linguist”

Eh?

Why so, Shula?


Kenton has a good plan AND gets credit

I never thought I’d see the like.

Jill and Shula were worrying over Elizabeth spending Christmas day alone with just the twins (Lewis at one of his daughters’). Elizabeth doesn’t seem likely to take up Shula’s offer of spending it at hers.

 [Shula]”She’s worried about David coming over for tea afterwards”

[Jill] “That is awful. This stupid rift could ruin Christmas for everyone”

But Jill later calls Shula, to say that Kenton has the solution.

He’s going to invite the whole family to The Bull on Christmas evening, so that everyone can see each other – or, not see each other (as there’s enough space).

[Shula] “Good old Kenton”

[Jill] “He is good at this sort of thing”

Blimey!

High praise indeed for the man that constantly gets berated and shouted at. Especially by his own family.


Nic is ever so diplomatic

Joe turns up at Nic and Will’s with a surprise. It involves Nic having to get her coat on, turn off the iron and go outside.

Must be serious.

On first sight of Joe’s surprise:

[Nic] “It’s um … absolutely extraordinary, Joe”

[Joe] “This is a genuine one off unique piece of craftsmanship … So you can ride in style in all your finery … come to me out of the blue one evening, Eddie was going to cut the cloth up as hammocks for the ferrets”

As far as I can gather, Joe and Eddie have fashioned some sort of princess style carriage for Bartleby to pull Nic to the wedding in.

From Nic’s reaction, it doesn’t sound too royal …

… and as Nic explains, she’s getting changed at Grey Gables, so won’t have the need to be driven down to it.

But, seeing Joe’s disappointment:

[Nic] “This lovely trap is going to be absolutely perfect. For something”

And knowing Nic, that something will more than make it up to Joe.


Shula can talk AND towel

On yersel, doll.


Tony finds out he was a granddad 13 years ago

[Pat] “Rich is John’s son”

[Tony] “Definitely?”

[Pat] “Yes, definitely … I tried not to Tony …”

[Tony] “You rang Sharon? Oh Pat …”

[Pat] “I felt terrible about Helen and Tom, but I couldn’t stop myself, it was terrifying … Sharon was very blunt … She doesn’t want us to make any contact with him … never”

[Tony] “Why didn’t she tell us?”

[Pat] “That’s what I can’t get out of my head. That’s what’s going to drive me mad. She did try to tell us … she wanted to decide whether we deserved to know … we told her to go away ... it was my fault … I asked why she’d come, but I didn’t let her answer”

[Tony] “She took advantage of John when he was too young … she completely dominated him, Pat”

[Pat] “If only I’d kept my mouth shut. If I’d shown that girl any sort of compassion … she would have told us, we would have known. John’s son would have been part of our lives for the past 13 years, we could have loved him, told him all about John. And I threw that all away. How can I ever forgive myself”

[Tony] “No … it’s not you, it’s us … but how the hell were we to know what we were doing?”

Tricky.

Pat and Tony were distraught at the time. And their argument with Sharon was entirely separate from John dying. So, on the one hand, I can see why they turned Sharon away.

But, they knew John loved Sharon. So they could have at least shown some kindness. She was also grieving.

And, that they say they would have treated her differently if they’d known that she was pregnant by John is a tad callous. Sharon was not just a vessel for John’s seed …

But I suppose it doesn’t matter now. What does is that Pat and Tony have to live with the knowledge that they turned away their (unborn) grandchild. That they’ve missed all these years. And that they have next to no chance of seeing him (at least until he decides to find out more about his biological father. If ever).

Helen’s raw : The Archers Tuesday 6th December 2011

(emotionally, that is)

• Calabrese, salad, pak choi and masala
• Where will Gloria sit?
•  Henry likes shiny
• Tony is such a back-stabber
• Joe to switch the Christmas lights on
• Holly and mistletoe (again)
• No respect for Pat?

Calabrese, salad, pak choi and masala

Oh my!

Anya (at Ambridge Organics) is annoying Pat. Seems she’s asking for more of one thing, when she actually needs another.

Then Susan is seen in the yard. Looking lost. Muttering something about ice cream.

All while Henry is grizzling in the background.

Step back folks … Pat’s going to blow!


Where will Gloria sit?

At Nic and Will’s wedding?

It’s been a worry, but as Nic helps Will clear a tree, she already feels better.

They’ve just been to see their wedding reception room at Grey Gables, so it’s all starting to feel more real and clear.

[Nic] “As long as we get through the stag and hen nights on one piece”

(um … does Nic know what happened on Will’s last wife’s hen do?)

Seems Fallon has organised Nic’s do – stretch limo to a club. Class …


Henry likes shiny

Especially shiny and dangerous.


Tony is such a back-stabber

Helen’s telling Tony that she’s finding it hard to sleep. Tony sympathises and (in my humble opinion) seems to take the stance that this is all’s Pat’s fault, though he doesn’t say so outright. He does seem to abdicate his responsibility in how Tom and Helen were told about Rich.

[Helen] “It knocked me sideways. It brought back so many dreadful memoires”

[Tony] “If we knew the truth about Rich, it might be painful at first … but in the long run, it might help us deal with the way we feel about John”

[Helen] “Dad. I can’t tell you how much I disagree … even talking about it, ugh, it churns me up every time. I can’t keep looking back … it’ll only create more problems. For the boy, for us, I can’t stand it … you and mum mustn’t take this any further”

Tony agrees that they shouldn’t take it any further.

Um … shouldn’t he have spoken with Pat first?


Joe to switch the Christmas lights on

Only at Jim’s. But he’s chuffed that ‘the prof’ asked him to do the honours.


Holly and mistletoe (again)

Joe’s brought mistletoe round for Nic and Will (though they’d already found some earlier when they were clearing that fallen tree. Joe wasn’t to know, and they don’t tell him)

And Joe is also hawking holly around again. Seems Sabrina has bought some (does that woman never learn?) for her table decoration as part of the Christmas Around the World table decoration competition.

Though the general consensus is that Sabrina’s cleaning lady will end up doing it …

[Joe] “And she bought some mistletoe. Though I don’t think she needs any encouragement”

All the menfolk of Ambridge will be missing Sabrina in her cat outfit. They’ll just have to make do with a peck under the mistletoe.


No respect for Pat?

So Tony is talking to Pat about how Helen feels. He reckons Helen is “raw”, and is doing her best to avoid Pat. She isn’t even eating with them tonight. Which is indeed news, for our new style Helen.

Pat still isn’t getting it. She sees it as a waiting game – that Helen and Tom will become want to know about Rich in time. They’re just not “interested yet”.

[Tony] “Helen simply can’t face going back, reliving the past”

[Pat] “But it’s not the past, Tony., Rich is alive. Now … he’s John’s son … if I could just see him,. Hear his voice .. .what if he sounds like John?”

But no. Tony is adamant that they need to respect Tom and Helen’s wishes, and “things as they are”.
Ah, come on Tony. Even you can’t believe that Pat will walk away from this one?

What about Pat as John’s mum? Surely her wishes to find out if she has a grandson by him should be respected as well?

The Archers Monday 28th November 2011: Will’s a good boy sometimes

• School nativity time
• Helen’s isn’t as sticky out
• Has Tony got enough spuds?
• Second hand wedding outfits
• Pat now can’t stop looking at Rich
• “I’ve got better things to worry about than the state of my shorts”
• Will’s a mum’s boy
• Pat calls Sharon a cow

School nativity time

Jake’s in the choir (so doesn’t get a costume), but Mia is an angel.


Helen’s isn’t as sticky out

Helen’s bridesmaid’s dress seemingly is a “more sophisticated” shape than Mia’s.


Second hand wedding outfits

Nic’s mum is wearing duck egg blue. Seems it’s one she wore to one of their cousin’s wedding.
Clarrie asked Nic if she minded that her mum was wearing it for the second time (at her own daughter’s wedding), but Nic didn’t.

[Nic] “I won’t be offended if you don’t wear brand new, Clarrie”

[Clarrie, feeling sheepish] “The only suitable outfit I’ve got is the one I wore to William’s first wedding …”

[Nic, laughing] “Oh, I see!”

[Clarrie] “And I didn’t get that second hand … I didn’t show our William up”

But Clarrie does seem worried.


Has Tony got enough spuds?

Hope so.

Or he’d have to turn back the van to get more.


Pat now can’t stop looking at Rich

[Pat] “It’s just like looking at a teenage John”

[Tony] “I know you’re cock-a-hoop about this, but I’m still struggling to take it in ... it’s unnerved me, if I'm honest, which is why I can’t look anymore”

[Pat] “It’s not going to go away. You can’t stuff the genie back in the bottle”

[Tony] “What have we unleashed …”

After seeing Rich’s picture on Kylie’s Facebook, both Tony and Pat are now convinced that Rich is John’s son. He looks the same.

But, Tony doesn’t want to be rushed about calling Sharon.

[Tony] “Our whole lives have been turned upside down at a click of a mouse”

[Pat] “It’s a miracle …”

“I’ve got better things to worry about than the state of my shorts”

Brian’s in a right grump.

He shouts at Will for bothering him with detail about the shoot.

Will later says to Nic:

[Will] “He wants to be kept in the loop but he doesn’t want to know about the details”

And Brian then has a go at Jennifer for harassing him about what he wants to take with him on their holiday.

[Brian] “I’ve got better things to worry about than the state of my shorts!”

The Mart is have a pre-official-opening-sale-opening tomorrow. So he’s stressed.


Will’s a mum’s boy

[Nic] “Reading between the lines, I think your mum’s worried about letting you down at the wedding”

[Will] “Well, she wouldn’t know how!”

Nic tells Will that Clarrie is ashamed about buying dress from charity shop.

[Will] “Well, I’m not having that!”

And he gets straight on the phone to her.

[Will] “Mum, you and me are going shopping, to buy you a new outfit for the wedding … mum, shut up. It was you made me realise Nic's the right wife for me, I was so stuck in the past, without you there wouldn’t be a wedding. I want to treat you”

Good lad, Will.

He seems to have completely changed his tune lately … wonder if it’ll last?


Pat calls Sharon a cow

The wine’s open at Bridge Farm

[Pat] “At last we’ve got something to celebrate. Who’d have thought we’d actually be grateful to Sharon for something. Let’s drink tour son John and his son Rich”

But Tony still can’t look at the picture of Rich, and is still against phoning Sharon.

[Tony] “Actions have consequences. Mostly ones we don’t anticipate”

[Pat] “But that’s what’s so exciting. This world of possibilities has opened up to us, it’s like a blessing”

[Tony] “What will Sharon think after these years … out of the blue …. That’s enough to clear the path for your killer question? She may not want to roll over and play happy families. We didn’t exactly approve of her when she was with John. You called her a fortune hunter!”

[Pat] “I did, didn’t I. But that was so long ago”

Tony is terrified that Sharon will slam the phone down on Pat, and he’ll be left to “pick up the pieces” as he had to after John died.

[Pat] “Why do you have to be so negative? … this little boy … could bring us so much joy”

[Tony] “There you go again, building up your hopes”

But Pat is determined to try and find about him if they can.

[Tony] “He’s not missed out on anything. He’s got his life in Leeds, the only life he’s know. And we’re not a part of it.”

Tony tries again to reason. That Sharon might be biding her time to tell Rich about his dad.

[Tony] “It’s not our place to initiate contact and disrupt the boys’ life”

[Pat] “Rich has a family here as well. I can’t just sit on this. And if I don’t initiate this, who will? That woman has known all about this for 13 years and a dickie bird. Cow!”

[Tony] “Well if you talk to her like that, she really will slam the phone down on you! … it’s all about you,. Isn’t it. What about Tom and Helen … this could change their lives too. You’re so blinkered”

[Pat] “Yes, yes you’re right. I’m sorry. We must show the Rich’s picture, before we phone”

[Tony] “What about wanting my blessing?”

[Pat] “I’ll phone her without it, if I have to …”

So – Tony’s backed into a corner.

 He agrees that they need to talk to Tom and Helen before they do anything. Which they’ll do tomorrow – as Brenda’s away.

Poor Brenda.

She really isn't seen to be part of the Archer clan at all.

Wonder what’s happening with their engagement?

The Archers Tuesday 22nd November 2011: Helen reckons it’s not all doom and gloom

(see …she still really has changed)

• Helen will be going back to work
• Jennifer’s off to the Maldives
• The shop and cheese are doing fine
• Helen – pretty in pink
• Thomas Hardy nuptials?
• “You can’t wear tweeds in the Maldives”
• Will said no to James
• Helen’s worried about Pat

Helen will be going back to work

In the New Year. She’s going to baby-share with another mum.


Jennifer’s off to the Maldives

Check her!

One assumes Brian is also going. One would also assume Tony won’t be amused – not enough money to help her brother, but enough to go whooping it up abroad.

Still, he might get some pleasure out of Jennifer struggling to find swimwear when the “shops are full of woollies”.


The shop and cheese are doing fine

Both of which are Helen’s side of the business (you hear that, Tom?).

Helen does find it laughable that folks will buy their unpasteurised cheese, but not their yoghurt.
But at least:

[Helen] “The concept of a farm shop in the middle of town hasn’t entirely lost its appeal, so it’s not all doom and gloom”

And it’s called Ambridge Organics. (Organics! Hear that Tom and Brenda’s brand expert mate).


Helen – pretty in pink

Or she will be if she can find the right dress as Nic’s bridesmaid.

[Nic] “A bit more Pippa Middleton. Only pink”

Lovely. (!)


Thomas Hardy nuptials?

Jennifer’s telling Brian that she doesn’t give Leonie and James six months together.

Seems she’s also not impressed by James’ offer to Will to take his and Nic’s wedding pictures.

In exchange for them being in the book, of course.

[Brian] “But James and Leonie think it’s going to be some rustic Thomas Hardy nuptials with wild flowers and country dancing … I can imagine those two importing a few hay bales and shepherds crooks to make it conform to their vision”

Thomas Hardy nuptials?

When did Brian ever ready a Thomas Hardy? I’d have thought Chris Ryan would have been more his style.


“You can’t wear tweeds in the Maldives”

Brian is horrified that Jennifer wants him to go shopping with her for their holidays.

(ah – so Brian does get to go).

[Jennifer] “You can’t wear tweeds in the Maldives”

Quite right.

But despite claiming he’s too busy with The Mart opening next week, and having to come up with a new plan for Super Dairy because of Adam being “transient”, it’s inevitable that Brian will have to bow down to Jennifer’s demands.

Shopping is one argument Jennifer will always win.


Will said no to James

Brave chap.

But Clarrie is very thankful indeed. If Will hasn’t said no, I think she’d have butted in and done it for him.

[Clarrie] “He (James) were a right pain bonfire night. He weren’t satisfied just to photograph what happened, on no, he had to organise everybody, you know, arrange them artistically. Tell them how to hold their sparklers”

Seems he had Tilly Button (Molly’s sister) in tears. He made her hold a baked potato until it burnt her fingers, and then she dropped it, so couldn’t even finally eat it.

(one assumes he was making her hold it to get the right shot, rather than trying to be sadistic).

[Will] “Vicky told him to stick his camera where the sun don’t shine”

James had been disappointed that Will was just wearing a suit to his wedding. He thought he should be wearing something more traditional. Which Clarrie and Will reckons would have meant a leather jerkin, gun, with his dogs to his heel.

[Clarrie] “Honestly he thinks we’re a bunch of yokels dancing round the maypole with bits of straw stuck in our hair”

[Will] “Well I think he’s a prat”

I think james and Leonie are going to struggle to get their book finished …


Helen’s worried about Pat

[Helen] “You tell her stuff but just nods and says ‘yes dear’ “

[Tony] “She’s tired. That’s all it is. She’ll get over it. Don’t worry love. She’ll be fine”

Tony obviously doesn’t want to tell Helen that Pat’s absent while she obsesses over whether John had a son.

That’ll be best talked through at the Christmas dinner table …

The Archers Sunday 20th November 2011: Stir-up Sunday

(with the Grundys rather than the Archers)

• You can’t even use the kids as an excuse
• It’s Eddie and Clarrie’s 30th tomorrow
• Stir-Up Sunday with the Grundys
• Tony thinks Pat is mad

You can’t even use the kids as an excuse

Lynda really has thought of a way to kibosh every possible excuse anyone could give for not going to Christmas around the World.

Will was caught out.

[Will] “There didn’t seem to be much in it for the kids”

[Lynda] “I know, which is why … I recognised rather later in the day that my original concept was somewhat lacking in appeal so I’ve had a radical rethink, and I think you’ll find this version infinitely to your … taste … quite literal.ly, because it’s going to be a feast … of food …interspersed with morsels of entertainment”

Will seemed to perk up at the sound of food. Especially as it’s the lovely Ian who will be cooking it.

Later, Lynda corners Pat and Tony to ask them for cheese (at cost, not free).

But – December 28th might clash with Will’s stag night.

Aw. That would be a shame.


It’s Eddie and Clarrie’s 30th tomorrow

And they’re off round The Bull.

But – they don’t know that Nic and Will have plans for them …


Stir-Up Sunday with the Grundys

Stir-up Sunday has generally been an Archer thing.

But I suppose we’re being tuned into eavesdrop on the Grundys as the Archer’s is now about our last memory of Phil.

So, we get to hear Clarrie, Nic, Mia, Jake and George (to a background of Jingle Bell Rocks).

But it’s all new to Nic.

[Nic] “Didn’t you say it was something to do with the church?”

[Jake] “Do they have Christmas pudding in the bible?”

[Clarrie] “No darling, it’s just the collect for this Sunday, ‘Stir up, we beseech thee, O Lord, the wills of thy faithful people’ … then some children go hold of it, so Jill told me … ‘stir up, we beseech thee, the pudding in the pot, and when we get home we’ll eat the lot’ ”

This then started the kids on Shepherds washing their sock by night …

[Mia] “why didn’t their mummy put them in the washing machine?”

Tony thinks Pat is mad

Pat is still being distant with Tony.

He thinks it’s about the rebranding. Pat is just about to tell him, but Lynda interrupts while on her Christmas around the World mission to get local produce.

Later on:

[Pat] “It’s something Susan said … you know Kylie came to Ivy’s funeral … she stayed with Susan … she told me Kylie has a brother, Sharon’s son, and he's 13, which means he was born in 1998”

[Tony] “So?”

[Pat] “Oh Tony! Think about it. What if … I think he might be John’s son”

[Tony] “What? John’s Son? No, that’s impossible … surely this boy is her husband’s child”

[Pat] “Look at the dates”

[Tony] “This madness. Please Pat”

As Pat explains, Hayley spilt up with John just before Christmas 1997, because she caught John and Sharon In flagrante delicto.

Tony maintains that it can’t be so. Sharon was at John’s funeral in March, and she didn’t look  pregnant. He reckons Sharon would have said something.

[Pat] “We didn’t exactly open her with open arms. It’s perfectly possible”

[Tony] “Many things are possible but it’s highly unlikely. I really don't think you should pursue it any further. It’s bound to end in disappointment.”

[Pat] “John could have a son!”

[Tony] “I just don’t think you should revisit all that. John’s death. Well, what it did to you”

[Pat] “This isn't about John’s death.”

[Tony] “It’s about John, isn’t it, you so want it to be true. Oh Pat, for your own piece of mind, let it go”

Difficult one.

Pat is basing a lot on nothing – and Tony is quite right that this could drag her back into being depressed.

But, if there’s even a slight chance, surely they should at least ask?

Or, should they keep quiet, considering Sharon hasn’t thought to tell them anything herself?

The Archers Tuesday 15th November 2011: Today went Super Dairy, Badger, Wedding Dress, Super Dairy

(well, not entirely, but more or less)

• Super Dairy
• Milking is worse than a parent’s evening?
• Ruth’s been trying to get a milk contract
• Badger
• Wedding Dress
• Super Dairy

Super Dairy

Brian is round seeing David.

He tells him about his and Debbie’s plans for a Super Dairy.

David isn’t impressed.

[David] “Never get to see a blade of grass in their lives”

But, as NFU President, David has to put it to the local chapter and see what everyone else thinks. Regardless of his own opinion.

However – Brian also has a proposition for Brookfield.

He asks if Brookfield will grow feed for the Super Dairy.

Shocker!


Milking is worse than a parent’s evening?

According to David.

He reckons he drew the short straw by being left to do the milking as Ruth goes off to a parent’s evening.

Each to their own.


Ruth’s been trying to get a milk contract

So she and Pip won the argument about supplying direct. Though Ruth is finding it far from easy – she hasn’t as yet managed to get one on the phone.


Badger

Joe’s not convinced about badger vaccination (Ed and Oliver’s plan). He reckons they don’t even have a vaccination that works yet.

[Joe] “In my day badgers had a natural immunity”

Joe reckons that modern faming is to blame . That cows are:

[Joe] “stressed and pushed to get every last drop out of them”

Will does not concur.

[Will] “There’s too many TB and too many badgers”

So Will wants to cull. As does David.

But Brian reckons that vaccination is worth a try. Which would seem surprising, until he clarifies that he reckons a cull would be bad PR (that’s more like Brian).


Wedding Dress

It’s decision time for Nic.

While Will goes off down the pub, Clarrie comes round to look at wedding dresses.

Nic has already decided (with Will) that they’ll go to the Cape Verde Islands. Will’s been sent to the pub to look at hotels.

And she also finds her wedding dress online.

So all’s going to plan then.

Emma will be pleased …


Super Dairy

Back talking to Brian, David repeats what he said to Debbie – that though they may have 15,000 cows, Americans will have 30,000. So Americans will win in the ‘world market’. And all Brian will achieve is to push up local milk prices.

[David] “All I want is to be paid a sensible price for out milk. Which price, is already way down the bottom of the European league”

Brian reckons that’s because of infighting – that wee milk producers like David don’t show a united front.

And Brian asks David again to be a supplier for the Super Dairy.

It’s a long term contract at guaranteed prices. Which Brian is quite right in saying would make a big difference to Brookfield.

David says yes …

… to talking to Ruth about it.

Interesting.

Considering Ruth has been stressed about Brookfield’s lack of profitability – she might actually say yes.

Or, will their principles win through?

The Archers Monday 7th November 2011: Nic and Clarrie go shopping

• Ruth puts her welly in it
• Nic’s a kind wee soul
• Freddie went out on his first hunt
• David’s not for vaccinating
• Bert came first
• Jim’s a good chap

Ruth puts her welly in it

Nic is telling Christine about her wedding plans when Ruth ambles along and says:

[Ruth] “You can never have too many weddings!”

[Nic] “Well one will be quite enough for me, thanks”

Oops. Not the best thing to say to the blushing bride of Mr Will Grundy!


Nic’s a kind wee soul

And sounds like she genuinely likes and cares for Clarrie.

Bout time sometime like Clarrie just for being Clarrie.

They’re out looking at wedding dresses, but Nic can’t make up her mind. One of them is kinda sexy, but she thinks the pleating is a bit fussy.

She’s also talking about whether to choose between Sham el Shake in Egypt, or the Cape Verde Islands (nice!).

[Clarrie] “Me and Eddie thought we were lucky to get to Torremolinos”

Nic decides she’s going to look on the internet for a wedding dress (more choice and cheaper), but she still wants Clarrie to help choose both that and the honeymoon.

Lovely. Looks like Clarrie has the caring kid (and daughter) she always deserved.


Freddie went out on his first hunt

And Oliver was impressed with how he handled it.


David’s not for vaccinating

Oliver has been talking badgers to David.

[David] “You know they’ve been trying alternative methods to culling … now he wants to try vaccination”

But that would mean a vaccination program over the while area, involving all the farms (big and small).

And it’d be a commitment for a whole 5 years, during which they’d have to trap every badger every year to vaccinate it.

David isn’t impressed, but as NFU president, he has to take it forward.

Actually – I’m hoping Oliver’s elixir process to do the trick. Really like the idea of farmers tip-toeing round badger sets to sprinkle the magic …


Bert came first

At Brampton Green ploughing competition.

Well done Bert.


Jim’s a good chap

Christine’s worrying about Ivy’s funeral. It’d mean Clive being in the village, near her home.

Seems Jim has a lecture to give at the U3A (University of the Third age), so David suggests she can either come to Brookfield, or:

[David] “Talk to Jim first. I’m sure held like to know how you feel”

But no need. Jim had already thought it through himself, and cancelled his lecture to take Christine out for the day instead.

[David] “Good all Jim, eh”

[Christine] “Oh it’s so sweet of him. He’s such a kind and sensitive man”

Indeed he is.

The Archers Thursday 3rd November 2011: Brookfield to turn supermarket?

• “Why bother?” reckons Ruth
• Is it fair to have Roy as best man? Again?
• Phil Archer has his say
• Helen, Shania Twain and some sort of Celtic ditty
• Clive should stay away from The Bull

“Why bother?” reckons Ruth

Seems Brookfield’s herd have done fine this year, but they need to make a healthy profit every year. If not, why bother, Ruth reckons.

She’s despondent at yet another not great year.

What’s more, Ruth reckons the best prices to be had for their milk is to sell it direct to supermarkets.

But, David warns that it’s getting tougher to get and to keep supermarket contracts. Plus it seems the contracts come with some fairly tough stipulations – like scoring the cows (on everything from how they walk to the state of their hocks.

[David] “Think of all the form filling. And if you slip up, you lose the contract … I’m just saying it’s not straight forward, even if we get one”

But Ruth (and Pip) reckon they should at least try to get one.


Is it fair to have Roy as best man? Again?

Will has to pop the question to Roy today. And he’s wondering if it’s actually fair on Nic to have Roy as best man, considering he was also best man first time round when Will married Emma.

But:

[Will] “I got you trained up now”

And Roy reckons it would be a pleasure.

After all – why blame Roy for the last time? Surely Ed had something more to do with it …


Phil Archer has his say

(through David)

Ruth and David are still talking about how Brookfield isn’t quite the profitable enterprise it should be.

Their grazing paddocks haven’t gone as planned. They were meant to cut down their production costs but, they haven’t.

[Ruth] “Why is everything so complicated?”

[David] “It’s farming love, if it was easy everyone would be doing it”

(and there speaks a true farmer. It’s only farming that’s a difficult way of life, of course …)

[Ruth] “Pip thinks it’s easy. Sign up to a direct supply contract. Get our beef on the social media sites. And the world will come beating a path to our door … not to mention the money we’d be making”

[David] “Dad always said there wasn’t any quick fixes in farming. It’s paying attention to detail, plus you’ve got to be in it for the long haul”

[Ruth] “It’s been a long haul alright. Only I’m still not sure if we’re getting anywhere”

[David] “Old pasture always does better in a drought than new lays”

(is what Phil also used to say)

So all’s well with that utterance.

Off David and Ruth trot to introduce a wider range of species into their pastures to make them drought resistant.


Helen, Shania Twain and some sort of Celtic ditty

Helen has said yes to being Nic’s bridesmaid (with Mia). Seems she thinks it would cheer her up.

Nic has decided on some sort of Celtic water type music for walking up the isle

(and no – that’s not Celtic football – so it isn’t sectarian …)

Shania Twain’s “Still the One” will play while they’re signing.

Clarrie’s doing the cake.

AND Nic asks Clarrie if she’s accompany her to look at wedding dresses.

Which Clarrie is delighted about. She’s never had the chance to do so before, considering she has two boys (and an Emma).

So all’s well so far with the wedding plans. Hurrah!


Clive should stay away from The Bull

Clive comes into The Bull when Will, Roy and David are propping up the bar.

Whole Roy reckons everyone deserves a second chance (that’ll explain why he puts up with so much from Kate!). David and Will don’t quite concur.

[Will] “Not round here he’s not … it’s not as if she’ ever going to change. He’s like a fox. It’s in his nature”

[David] “How he’s got the nerve …”

There’s hope Clive will be on his way after Ivy’s funeral.

[Will] “And if he doesn’t want to move after that, there's a few round here who’d willingly give him a good sendoff”

Mind you, that’s a lot of talk and no action.

They didn’t utter a word to Clive.

Passive aggression in Ambridge …

The Archers Monday 31st October 2011: Ivy Horrobin dies in her sleep

• Generous present from Caroline and Oliver
• A Pig league?
• Tom seems to be on a (sausage) roll
• Ivy Horrobin died this morning
• Sudden death … hmmmm
• Tony is still most decidedly unamused
• Brenda isn’t family
• Underwoods cards and Roy as best man

Generous present from Caroline and Oliver

[Nic] “Oh Will, I’m thrilled about the Darrington Rom … there’s going to be no charge for the room, or the flowers or the champagne for the toast!”

The no charge, flowers and champers are all from Caroline and Oliver.

That’s very kind of them indeed.


A Pig league?

Tom reckons his Pigs should be on match of the day.

[Susan] “I don't think they cover the Piggy league, or else Neil would be on it all the time!”

Tom seems to be on a (sausage) roll

Shelly Brazil is back

If you remember back a wee bit – Shelly did a food demo at Ambridge Organics. Tom reckons she’s “Borchester’s answer to Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall”

Tom reckons she’s interested in his sausages (ooer!), and there may be a chance she’ll make mention of them in her column in Borchester Life.

He’s in the Village Shop to ask Jill about a sausage tasting at the Village Shop for National Sausage week.

[Nic] “Wow. The things that happen in this village”

(not sure if Nic was being sarcastic. Hard to tell)


Ivy Horrobin died this morning

Susan had to rush off from the shop, leaving Tom in charge (so it had to be important).

It falls to Pat to break the news to Neil and all of us eavesdroppers (Neil had left his mobile, was at bridge Farm, so Susan called him there). Ivy died this morning in her sleep. Neil rushes off to Susan.

[Tony] “That was very sudden. I know she’d been ill Tony … Bit of a choker though, isn’t it Pat. I had a lot of time for Ivy”

[Pat] “Me too”

And Will to Nic later on:

[Will] “Oh Nic. I really liked Ivy … she was great to me when I were married to Emma”

All the Horrobin’s start gathering (Keith, Stuart and Tracy – and of course) Gary and Clive but all of the organising, sorting, tidying falls to Susan.


Sudden death … hmmmm

Probably totally inappropriate to say this, but should we be suspicious that Ivy died in her sleep?

She died of heart failure, brought on by bronchial pneumonia. Susan reckons that Ivy’s heart just couldn’t take it anymore, after months of being ill.

But Neil did sound a bit suspicious. He was particularly keen to know what had gone onto the death certificate.

Clive? In Ivy’s bedroom, with a pillow???


Tony is still most decidedly unamused

With Tom’s pigs playing football.

Neil tells him that he and Chris had a right good laugh at it. But not only is Tony still utterly negative about it, he hasn’t even taken the time to see it yet!

[Tony] “There’s so much of that stuff on the internet. I don’t know what good it does”

But Tony can’t completely avoid Tom’s efforts for ever. Which he knows, and he agrees with Pat that they’ll have a meeting after lunch on Sunday.

But …


Brenda isn’t family

Tony will meet Tom to discuss his ideas, but it’s family only.

Which Tony reckons doesn’t include Brenda.

Though he leaves it to Pat to tell that to Tom.

[Tom] “You mean if I was married to Brenda that would be okay, but as we’re not she can’t come … that’s just stupid, especially with her expertise in marketing … sometimes I think he wants the whole thing to fail!”

[Pat] “That’s not fair, irrational he may be at times, but of course he wants to save Bridge Farm”

I’m not sure why Tony didn’t want Brenda there.

She is engaged to Tom. And there’s no reason to be scared about her (lack of) marketing prowess …


Underwoods cards and Roy as best man

Nic’s writing out invites to their wedding. On cards they bought from Underwoods (there was nothing suitable at the Village Shop).

Will’s decided to ask Roy to be his best man. Again.

And Nic is going to ask Helen, so that she can have a grown up alongside Mia.

Weddings do that to some folks. They suddenly become best buddies with folks they barely pass a word with.

I think the last time Helen and Nic spoke was when Helen babysat for them pre-Henry.

The Archers Monday 24th October 2011: Slow day … so only 7 things to say

• Ivy isn’t saying much. She’s too ill
• Nic and Will can get a registrar for Jan 1st. But only 10.30 in the morning
• But, they’ll be married in the same room the Duchess of Cornwall had her tea. Nic is very excited
• Shula and Caroline have lunch. Shula’s worried about Clive. And Christine
• Emma and George bump into Clive. He gets George excited about going bowling with him. Emma isn’t pleased
• Emma such a very grudgingly congratulations to Nic and Will
• Ed reckons Will and Nic getting married will take the pressure off of him and Emma having to get married. Emma’s not pleased with him for saying that.

The Archers Sunday 23rd October 2011: Clarrie’s delighted, Emma probably not so

• Happy Clarrie
• A January 1st wedding
• Jazzer’s no impressed
• Christine was dishevelled …
• It’s only Daphne!
• Emma won’t be happy

Happy Clarrie

Clarrie is over the moon that Will and Nic are getting married. It’s about time she had something to grin about.

[Clarrie] “You do William the power of good, you really do … he’s lucky to have you …and I couldn’t hope for a better daughter in law”

(hope Emma wasn’t in earshot of that one!)


A January 1st wedding

Nic and Will have set the date – January 1st 2012.

[Nic] “We just thought, why not start the new year as we mean to go on”

And – they want to have it at Grey Gables.

Caroline reckons she can probably squeeze them in, but they’ll need to find a willing registrar.

On January 1st?

Lucky they’re not getting married in Scotland. No-one wakes from their stupor until January 5th …


Jazzer’s no impressed

Seems Tom out his pigs playing football video up on his website. It has got him more traffic, but it hasn’t exactly set the twittersphere alive.

[Jazzer] “I thought Roonie was supposed to spend all weekend tweeting about it … you’re yesterday’s headline. Even in Ambridge, the agenda’s moved on”

Couldn’t have happened to a nice chap ;)


Christine was dishevelled …

… and first thing in the morning.

According to Jazzer.

[Jazzer] “There was a note yesterday, wants an extra pint … well I had to ring for the money anyhoo, so Christine Barford comes to the door all a dither, dressing gown buttoned up wrang… ah good on her I say, you’re never too old to get some action!”

Tom’s horrified.

That’s his great Aunt Jazzer’s talking about.

And it’d seem Jim and Christine’s cover story is not very god. Something about Jim’s heating packing up.

[Jazzer] “So he’s found himself another old boiler!”

I can see why Christine was so worried.

Seems she and Jim are the talk of the village.


It’s only Daphne!

Eddie’s feeding Daphne in the kitchen. Which she seems to be enjoying very much.

[Eddie] “that’s tasty, eh!”

But Clarrie isn’t impressed. She gives Eddie a bollocking.

Ah, come on now Clarrie.

[Eddie] “Oh, it’s only Daphne!”

That may be. But seems Clarrie doesn’t want ferrets being fed in her kitchen.


Emma won’t be happy

[Clarrie] “She won’t be happy, Eddie. You know what she’s like. This wedding will put her nose right out of joint. After all, there no sign of Edward asking her, is there? … I don’t want all her old nonsense starting up again”

I wouldn’t put it by Emma to start wanting Will back … just because.

The Archers Friday 21st October 2011: Will asks Nic to marry him

(as predicted!)

• Jim and Christine
• George says sorry
• Just Good Friends
• Hilary Noakes has at least one supporter
• Lynda has no takers
• A proposal AND she won the Apple Day quiz!

Jim and Christine

Jim does seem keen on Christine. And today, he takes it to a whole new level.

They’re at Lower Loxley’s Apple Day together. Jim reassures Christine that there’s little chance she’ll bump into Clive – as it’s “not in Clive’s line”

[Jim] “A brave woman like you shouldn’t let a coward like Clive Horrobin drive you out of your home”

[Christine] “I’m not at all brave where he’s concerned, Jim”

[Jim] “Well you would be alone. I’m quite prepared to be your constant companion … it’s hardly a penance”

Christine doesn’t want to impose on the always busy Ruth and David, and doesn’t want to put Jill in harm’s way again. She feels a tad ashamed for saying it, but she feels like she needs a man in the house …

And that’s the perfect in for our Jim.


George says sorry

To Nic and Jake for stealing Jake’s fire truck.

Seems Ed and Emma have done a very good job scaring him about prison.


Just Good Friends

(remember that one? I used to really like it. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just_Good_Friends Way better than the ‘will they, won’t they?’ of that bloomin’ coffee advert)

Jim doesn’t waste any time getting his slippers under Christine’s dinner table.

He turns up on her doorstep, suitcase in hand.

[Jim] “I’ve come to stay with you Christine. If you’ll have me”

While Christine is glad, reckons they will have a grand time together, thinks Jim will be a good enough watchdog for her AND Jim makes her laugh – she is worried about what folks will think.

[Jim] “They will think that two friends have decided to spend some time together for their mutual benefit and comfort …”

And Jim offers to put a full page advert in the press telling everyone they’re just friends. After all, there are bigger things to worry about than what the neighbours will say.

[Jim] “I don’t you to be frightened anymore”

Good lad Jim. Good lad.

(though the gossip has already started. Jolene and Mike were having a good natter about it in The Bull)


Hilary Noakes has at least one supporter

She’s finally got a signature on her petition against the bonfire being on the village green.

Guy Fawkes.

Oh tee-hee!


Lynda has no takers

Not even a joke one.

Seems no-one has signed up for Christmas around the world.

Even Vicky has signed. Though she is lending a hand.

[Mike] “Vicky is being Lynda’s beautiful assistant this year”

A proposal AND she won the Apple Day quiz!

What a heady night for Nic.

She and Will won The Bull’s Apple Day quiz.

And as they were leaving:

[Will] “I love you so much Nic. I want to be with you forever,. I want to look after you forever. Say yes … I’m proposing to you. Will you marry me? … I know it isn’t very romantic, under a lamppost in a pub carpark … I’ll go down on my knees if you like …”

[Nic] “I never thought this would happen to me. No has ever … cared for me the way you do”

[Will] “Then let me carry on doing it forever. Marry me Nic”

[Nic] “Yes. Yes of course I will”

Aw. That was sweet.

No reason why this marriage shouldn’t work out for Will.

Is there?

The Archers Sunday 16th October 2011: George is playing at burglars

• Are the poachers a clue?
• Burglar Bill?
• Clive’s cool
• Jennifer apologises for being a bore
• The bond between Jennifer, Adam and Debbie
• Lunch and brandy with Oliver
• Ridiculous letter from Hilary Noakes
• Jennifer wants Adam to shout louder
• Apples: always a good reason to have a day out

Are the poachers a clue?

Seems Will was out late last night trying to stop some poachers. But he didn’t manage to catch them.
Anything to do with Clive? Him being able to buy (even a second hand) playstation for George? Or is Matt paying him enough?


Burglar Bill?

Is that the book Will enjoyed as a kid, and initially thought was inspiring George to collect masks, stripy t-shirts and a ‘swag bag’ from Nic to play with?


Clive’s cool

Or at least George thinks so.

[Nic] “They’re playing burglars like Uncle Clive ...Clive’s made a big impression on him”

[George] “I wish I could be a burglar when I grow up”

[Will] “No. No George. It was a bad thing, very very naughty”

George does say that Clive also said it had been naughty, but looks like George is quite captivated.

Still – as Nic said – kids do go through phases.


Jennifer apologises for being a bore

Shocker!

[Jennifer] “I’m sorry daring, am I being a bore about it … Tony said such hurtful things”

[Adam] “How was that relevant to your not lending him money?”

Seems Jennifer is still upset about the argument she had with Tony on Friday.

He did indeed say some hurtful things.

But so did Jennifer.

And, she must know that she should have helped Tony?

Surely.


The bond between Jennifer, Adam and Debbie

Is a special one, Jennifer reckons.

Bruised from Tony casting up the not-so-glamorous highlights from Jennifer’s past, Jennifer is now thinking of the hard times.

But, there’s no question that she has ever regretted having Adam. And it wasn’t her fault (she reckons) that her and Roger didn’t last.

So – her, Debbie and Adam have been through times together. Hence the special bond.

But who would Jennifer choose if it came down to Debbie and Adam Vs Brian?

[Adam] “Brian calls all the shots round here doesn’t he”

(Adam’s referring to Jennifer’s mention that it was really Brian’s money Tony was asking for – but was also thinking of the Super Diary)


Lunch and brandy with Oliver

Sounds marvellous.

Jim’s over at Oliver’s.

Oliver actually seems quite chirpy, considering Caroline’s still working flat out at Grey Gables.

It’s been a whole 6 months since Roy left (blimey – that was quick), and Oliver and Caroline agreed that after 6 months they’d talk about whether Caroline should get a manager in. But, Caroline hasn’t mentioned it, it would be hard to get someone in for Christmas, they need to keep their overheads down (the economy still not being all it should be) and, actually, Oliver doesn’t seem that bothered.

He’s got his milking. Hunting. And the parish council.

And lunch with a mate.


Ridiculous letter from Hilary Noakes

Seems Hilary has written a letter to the Parish Council complaining about the bonfire being on the village green. She reckons it’ll ruin the grass.

Everyone’s annoyed and irritated by her.

Seemingly that’s what they’ve always done. No-one has ever complained before. Any, anyway, Mike only reseeds it in spring.

But, they’re about to set Lynda on her.

[Jim] “It will be a positive pleasure, she says”

Jennifer wants Adam to shout louder

Seems Brian is still keeping Adam firmly out of loop with the Super Dairy.

Brian wouldn’t tell him what he’d just been saying to Debbie on the phone – so Adam thinks Brian isn’t involving and informing him enough. Even though he’d promised to.

Adam reckons he has had a chance to ask questions, or voice any concerns.

[Adam] “They’re just ploughing ahead”

[Jennifer] “You’ll just have to shout a bit louder, I suppose … honestly darling, you really can trust her. She means it”

So back to that special bond.

I wonder.

Does Debbie have a plan? To bring everyone together in support of the Super Dairy? Or to pull a fast one over Brian? Or, Adam?


Apples: always a good reason to have a day out

Jim’s going to Apple Day at Lower Loxley, and may even ask Christine along … nudge nudge (even though it’s a bit of a busman’s – he wants to find out about how to source local varieties for the Orchard.

Oliver’s more likely to go the Apple quiz at The Bull.

As are Nic and Will.

Will wants them to get a good team together. But Nic isn’t bothered.

[Nic] “I don’t mind if it’s just me and my handsome gamekeeper”

Aw. But, maybe they could just go ahead and get married.

This is all get a bit too gooey.

The Archers Thursday 13th October 2011: Adam is most certainly not amused

• Will forgot his sandwiches
• Will’s not happy about Clive
• Will, a wallpaper?
• Adam is not for turning

Will forgot his sandwiches

But it’s okay.

Nic brought then to him. And brought her own. So they had lunch together.


Will’s not happy about Clive

Join the queue!

Seems Emma has been ringing about George being there to meet Clive.

[Will] “I’m not really happy about it … why she’s doing it?”

[Nic] “To please her grandmother”

[Will] “Well, that’s not worth upsetting George for”

Clive really is stirring it already.

Emma doesn’t want him there. Will doesn’t want him there. George doesn’t know him (as Will and Nic said – Clive means nothing to him – Will would rather it stayed that way). But as Clive has his mother’s love, he can turn the situation to his advantage.
What his game is, I don’t know.

Do we think he just genuinely wants to meet his nephews and niece?

But – knowing this isn’t Emma’s fault, and they’re all in a difficult position, Will agrees for George to meet Clive.


Will, a wallpaper?

Will wants to be “in the background” when Nic next goes to see Andrew.

No chance, I thought. Will’s not for blending!

But low and behold – they went to see Andrew, and Will did nothing but stick to the shadows.

Seems Andrew had split up with his girlfriend, which is why he was being so off with Nic, and rubbish in dealing with the kids.

[Nic] “He did say he was sorry, will. You heard him”

Nic reckons Andrew “really opened up”.

So hopefully that’s that then.

[Nic] “Having you there Will, quietly backing me up. It made the difference”

[Will] “You’ve got me. I’m always going to be there for you Nic”

[Nic] “I’m sorry I misjudged you … I thought you’d get into a slanging match, I should have known better”

[Will] “No. I’m glad you said it. Really glad”

[Nic] “Oh Will, I feel I can face anything with you here”

Aw.

Seriously – wedding bells!

They haven’t got much time if we’re to enjoy a Christmas wedding in Ambridge!


Adam is not for turning

Brian tells Adam about the Super Dairy plans.

To say Adam is not happy is to put it very mildly indeed.

[Adam] “Damn right I have some questions … I can’t believe what you’ve just told me … I don’t know where to start … perhaps with this outstanding act of betrayal by my sister … she cooks up this entire scenario behind my back without a word to me … over my dead body!”

Brian starts fibbing again, claiming that some other BL board member had come up with the suggestion of Home Farm being part of the Super Dairy.

Then Debbie comes in:

[Debbie] “Nothing is going to happen without you agreeing to it or being consulted”

[Adam] “Why couldn’t you have been straight about it … you can’t have much confidence in this scheme, Debbie, if you thought the only way I’d agree if you presented me with a fait accompli”

Brian leaves, and Debbie tires to persuade Adam that it’s actually Brian that mishandled everything. That Brian should have let Debbie talk to Adam first.

But, Adam isn’t one for feeling calm and rationale right now,

[Adam] “The scale … fells so wrong … cows should be outside not farmed for 360 days per year”

But Debbie explains that the cows will be in roomy and clean accommodation, that most farm animals don’t get the ‘natural environment' they should have.

Adam is worried about changing all of Home Farm’s land to arable. That it’ll loose diversity.

Debbie reckons it means they have more control. That it’s actually a “perfect circle.

[Adam] “People round here won’t think it’s perfect; They’ll see an industrial sized unit like this as a threat to three very popular farms. It could be a PR disaster”

And Adam is worried about his sheep and venison businesses.

He's actually worried about his business.

They’re trying to change it all without him.

Adam sees it as a “takeover”. That it was meant to be Debbie doing the arable, him doing the rest. That Debbie now wants the rest for arable, which leaves him with nothing.

[Debbie] “It's a radical rethinking. The world’s changed, we need to change with it”

But please note – Debbie then talked about how she and Adam need to now renegotiate the deal they have with Brian. Which Brian doesn’t know about, as yet.

Ah – crafty Debbie.

This might not all turn out as well as Brian planned.

While Adam thinks that the Super Diary would be wrong for Home Farm – and totally the wrong scale for Ambridge – Debbie’s mind is on bigger things.

As well as the Dairy, she’s also thinking about how:

[Debbie] “Divisions of labour won’t work anymore … tear up and start again”

Seriously. I think Brian might be in trouble …

The Archers Monday 10th October 2011: Nic and Will place bets on Emma

• Pat’s quite irritated by Tom
• Clarrie didn’t get the supermarket job
• It’s Susan’s birthday
• Seems Susan’s mum’s standards are also slipping
• Nic has Emma sussed
• No pressure, but …

Pat’s quite irritated by Tom

Seems Tom felt his meeting with Underwoods went well.

Pat doesn’t seem impressed.

[Susan] “It’s good you’re talking to him again”

[Pat – not sounding very enthusiastic] “I suppose it is”

She’s obviously still furious that Tom decided to rebrand, leaving Tony and Pat to try and cope with the ever-so damaged Bridge Farm brand by themselves.

[Susan] “We’ll you can change it back I suppose, when people forget”

I hope so.

And I hope it’s at a time when Tom Archer’s Borchester Sausages is on its way back down …


Clarrie didn’t get the supermarket job

[Clarrie] “It were only stacking shelves … younger than me, better qualified, I didn’t stand a chance”

Seems the job went to a younger woman who’d been made redundant from a bank. Though Nic reckons Clarrie’s age makes her more reliable and experienced, Clarrie reckons it’s qualifications that count. But in her day, they didn’t go for qualifications:

[Clarrie]” … unless you was clever …  jobs was easy to find them … I’m 57 and on the scrapheap … I just feel useless Nic, quite useless”

[Nic] “What would your family do without you, what would I do without you? … you are a treasure Clarrie and any employer would be lucky to have you”

Indeed.

But with so many and so few jobs, Clarrie’s recent E. coli status probably does knock her out of many of the running.

Even though she is a treasure.


It’s Susan’s birthday

And she’s off to a tribute band with Neil.

They never said who, though.


Seems Susan’s mum’s standards are also slipping

(like Peggy’s had been).

Does that mean Clive will worm his way into being her carer?

Or will she die, and leave Clive everything?

[Susan] “Clive can unsettle anybody , and I don’t trust him to have tapped her for some money … the good news is that he’s gone back to his bail hospital”

Which is only in Felpersham.

Come on Ivy – rally round.

We don’t want you to give Clive an excuse to move back in.


Nic has Emma sussed

On their way over to collect George from Emma’s:

[Nic] “You can play my game if you like … I try   to guess what’s she’s going to complain about this time … he stayed the night, so it’ll be his bedtime routine … he’s looking very tired, she’ll say … I think it’s funny, I’m just waiting to see what she’ll say next”

Seems Nic places bets with herself when guessing what Emma will complain about. She reckons Emma will say George looks tired, that they’re keeping him up late AND they’re reading him the wrong bedtime story.
 Emma does ask for it, really. She does prattle on about how her Keira and George started waddling/walking before Jake and Mia.

[Emma] “She can roll right across the room”

[Will, sarcastically] “Very useful …”

Will reckons that George did move around early. He remembers George just sitting in the middle of the room  and them having to take their toys to him.

Emma does not concur!

Emma then asks what bedtime book they’re reading to George. The answer is Jack and the Beanstalk:

[Emma] “Oh, he doesn’t really like that anymore, too babyish, I suppose that was Jake’s idea?”

So 1-nil to Nic, with Emma claiming George was too polite to tell Nic and Will that he didn’t want to read that book – and he also would have said so if he was at ‘home’.

Then

[Emma] “He’s looking really tired, I expect you let him stay up last night …”

2-mil for Nic!

She and Will break out in giggles that Nic got Emma almost word for word.

Ah Emma.

Mind when brothers used to fight over you?

Now, you’re just predictable.


No pressure, but …

Susan calls Emma to warn her that Clive wants to meet his great nephew and niece, and has said so to Ivy.

So, Ivy really wants Clive to meet his great nephew and niece.

[Emma] “Why?”

[Susan] “Why does that man do anything?”

Emma, quite rightly (for once) doesn’t want George and Keira anywhere near Clive.

Susan agrees, but also tells her that Ivy has her “heart set on it”

[Susan] “All I’m saying is she’s going to be really upset if you say no”

That’s helpful, Susan.

Either Emma lets a rather bad man meets her kids – or she lets down her (very ill) grand mum.

Emma's choice indeed.