Ambridge Extra Tuesday 21st June 2011: Chas in hospital

• Chas got what was coming?
• Chas, good looking?
• If you missed every episode of Ambridge Extra up to today …
• Team Rhys Vs Team Harry
• Inside of Jamie is a nice boy trying to get out
• Chris to the rescue!
• Marty fancies Fallon

Chas got what was coming?

I’m no advocate of violence.

There are far more brutal ways of exacting revenge on a foe …

But I also can’t say that I’ll lose any sleep over Chas being beaten up to the point that he’s unconscious, on a ventilator.

It would seem that, unlike Chas, Lesley isn’t just all talk.

Alice is blaming herself. She reckons that if she had gone away with Chas, none of this would have happened.

Eh?

Surely it’s Chas’ actions that brought this on.


Chas, good looking?

Paulie reckons Chas’ mum is a real looker. And said that was where Chas must get it from.

That’s funny.

I’ve always thought of Chas as a bit of a weedy, but tall, chap. And bit of a chinless wonder without much sparkle to attract the ladies (or any friends).

But seems not so.


If you missed every episode of Ambridge Extra up to today …

… it’s okay, as Alice spent at least 5 minutes telling us (well, Paulie) about Chas. From the very beginning.


Team Rhys Vs Team Harry

After Rhys at first sounding a bit reticent about going ahead with his mountain bike, he mans up and properly challenges Harry.

[Rhys] “The Anglo-Welsh challenge race is on”

With Kirsty on Team Rhys, and Fallon on Team Harry.

Folks can also back a team by pledging beer money, with the loosing team buying the drinks.



Inside of Jamie is a nice boy trying to get out

Jamie seems to be spending most of his wages on getting taxis over to Natalie’s house.

[Jamie] “I don’t wanna buy things with it … I’d rather see you”

Aw. What a wee sweetie.

Jamie is even showing signs that he’s starting to use his brain, and is beginning to understand Kathy.

[Jamie] “As long as I eat with her now and then, and don’t throw toys out of my pram … you know, just try to get on, it’s less hassle that way … and if I wash up and then or watch something on telly with her, she’s that grateful that she isn’t bothered what I do the rest of the time.”

(well, still a wee bit calculating, but he is a teenage lad)

BUT – that’s all until Steve and Marty are back in the picture.

Jamie is later (or the next day – hard to tell with Ambridge Extra) is hanging out with Steve and Marty. They start of civilised – having a coffee in Jaxx at Jamie’s insistence. But soon move onto mischief.

This time, it’s trying to steal a car.

Steve manages to get in (using a Slim Jim nicked from Spud’s dad), but manages to pick the one “old banger” that has an alarm.

Thick boys.

They run away, and seem to have a wonderful time doing so.

Or, at least Marty and Steve had a real buzz nearly stealing a car.

Jamie didn't sound so keen.


Chris to the rescue!

Alice calls Chris to tell him about Chas. Worried that Alice had met Lesley (the bloke who beat Chas up), and also worried that the folk after Chas won’t know Alice isn’t involved – Chris arrives to make sure his lady wife is safe.

Alice tells him about Chas’ ‘shark’ activities. But Chris doesn’t seem too worried about the money Chas has lent him.

Might still come back to bite Chris on the bum, though.


Marty fancies Fallon

And Steve is just gross.

Marty can barely grunt at Fallon when she says hello to him (struck dumb by her sheer beauty, so he was).

But Steve …

[Steve] “And I’m Steve. How you doing, sweetheart … care to join us for a little something … or a not so little something …”

What a mucky pup.

Ambridge Extra Thursday 19th May 2011: Chas is no match for Lesley

click the title above, or the'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Confused.com
• Just good friends?
• Alice’s ring broke?
• Kirsty and Rhys on a date, round 2
• Lost your words, Chas?

Confused.com

Nope. Still can’t get used to the warped timing of the parallel universe that is Ambridge Extra.

Kathy didn’t know that Jamie had a girlfriend, whereas in last night’s proper Archers she’s bumped into them.

Then later, Jamie’s moaning because he and Natalie had just bumped into Natalie.

Very confusing indeed


Just good friends?

Paulie (Alice and Chas’ flatmate) and his girlfriend Brooke are chatting about exactly just how friendly they reckon Chas and Alice actually are.

[Brooke] “Is the head board banging?”

Brooke later corners Chas to try and get the intel.

At first Chas is fairly honest:

[Chas] “Alice? She’s like a sister to me”

[Brooke] “I’ve seen the way she looks at you”

Then, pushed by Brooke, he starts revealing what he (and only he) sees as happening between him and Alice.

[Chas] “We do like each other, okay. It’s complicated … I think Alice wants to prove something, to have the perfect marriage”

Chas’ theory is that because Alice had to suffer Brian and Jennifer’s marriage problems (Brian’s wanderings), she married the boy next door because he was “safe and boring” and

[Chas] “she can play Wendy houses with him”

So Chas reckons Alice is just play pretending with Chris, and (I’m assuming) is actually slowly coming round to the fact that she really wants Chas.

Trouble is, Chas seems unhinged enough to wreak havoc before Alice wakes up to how much of an ar*e he really is.

[Brooke] “She might be hitched but it’s those two who act like they’re married”

Aye – but it’s a marriage where the wife does what she’s told without realising she is being told what to do, and where the husband is a bit of a nutter …


Alice’s ring broke?

Is that what Paulie said?

What on earth was she doing?


Kirsty and Rhys on a date, round 2

This time, Rhys is on Kristy’s turf. And it’s making him chilly.

[Rhys] “It’s normally the bloke who has to give his coat”

After seeing one young snipe, Rhys is delighted to think they’re about to head to The Bull. But is then disappointed that Kirsty is just moving them to the bird hide.

They see a Reed Warbler.

Rhys tries to use the cold as an excuse to get cuddly with Kirsty

[Rhys] “Isn’t that what Ray Mears would do … share body heat”

But play is interrupted by a Kingfisher. And a rather unenthusiastic Kirsty (also seemed Rhys wasn’t that interested either – just doing what he though was expected).

As they’re leaving, they both admit that they’re not exactly suited.

[Rhys] “We make a fine couple don’t we …these dates, they’ve been a disaster”

[Kirsty] “Yeah, yeah they have”

So mates it is.

But not before they exact revenge … Fallon best beware!


Lost your words, Chas?

Well, that was a pleasure to hear someone get the better of Chas.

Chas had gone round to poor Reggie’s to try and squeeze money out of him.

[Reggie] “The things is. There’s someone I want you to meet. Lesley, my brother.”

(Chas starts to snigger that Lesley is a bloke …)

[Lesley] “What? You think that’s funny? I don’t find you very funny. I hear you’ve been giving my little brother hassle over a loan. Maybe you’d like to discuss it with me”

(Chas starting muttering and stuttering. Lesley must be a big bloke …)

Lesley gets the measure of Chas quickly:

[Lesley] “… some trumped up little posh boy playing the hard man …”

And sends Chas off without any more.

Chas did make a wee bit of an effort to appear threatening to Reggie at the end, but hopefully Lesley will be there to gently persuade him to leave again next time …

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 5th April 2011: the first eavesdropping episode

click the 'read more' link below the bullet points to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Not so convincing Barwick Green
• Alice and Chris getting married
• Alice and Chris arguing
• *sigh* more hidden microphone time for Jamie
• Thank goodness – an adult!
• Alice gets drunk
• Jamie to turn thief?
• The verdict? 15 minutes of Kevins and Judes

Not so convincing Barwick Green

Quite decidedly odd indeed.

Especially if Ambridge Extra is meant to be aimed at young ‘uns.

Like changing the theme of Top of the Pops – trying to be modern with a classic opener generally falls flat.

Or is that odd tone that pops up on Sunday omnibus time? I’m never up early enough to hear it.

(is Top of the Pops still going, by the way?)



Alice and Chris getting married

I was a tad confused at the opening lines of Ambridge Extra:

[some American bloke] “The description of marriage is love. Love is patient, love is kind. Love is not rude. Love is not envious. If the two of continue to love each other and do not tamper with one another’s trust, you’ll have a great and long marriage. Will you do that?”

(then all become clear what was happening

[Chris] “Yes”

[Alice] “Yup”

The microphones have travelled down to Alice at University, where she’s home watching her wedding video with her friends.

One of whom is call Paulie.

The other Chas.

And they all like jelly vodkas.

Od dear … this didn’t bode well at all ...


Alice and Chris arguing

Chris calls Alice, and drops the bombshell that he won’t be seeing her that weekend as he’s off to do snowboarding in Leeds at his mate’s stag do,

Alice is not amused that Chris has chosen a stag do over her. And in Leeds, of all places.

Chris doesn’t even text Alice later on, so she’s now worried that this is all “not like they really are.”

Sounds like love’s young dream isn’t that dreamy after all.

Which I suppose nit the point of Ambridge Extra – all we normally get to hear of Chris and Alice is when they’re back in Ambridge, all loved up and glad to be together.

Anyhoo – Alice is fine, as she has ‘Chas’ to drag her away from her study off out to a club.




*sigh* more hidden microphone time for Jamie

Which is a shame.

Despite my misgivings about Ambridge Extra, I was looking forward to hearing from Rhys, and maybe some of the other silent residents.

I didn’t really want to hear more of the moronic banter from that there Jamie.

(which adds to suspicion yet again that this is all for the young ‘uns. I suppose the can identify with Jamie’s grunts).

Jamie’s proudly telling Marty that he’s moved into the bull. What’s more:

[Jamie] “It’s my dad’s pub, it’s mine now … Jolene’s cool. And she feels guilty … and I have her wrapped round my little finger”

He does clarify that he only has a share, and only when he’s 18, but it’s a snifter of the arrogance that is Jamie.

Let’s hope he says something like that around Jolene. He’ll be back begging Kathy for a place to sleep in no time.



Thank goodness – an adult!

Kirsty pops up in Ambridge Extra … hurrah!

But not so quick … she’s there to tell Marty and Jamie off for knocking over Jaxx’s menu board, and to try and persuade Jamie to take part of a Fun Run taking place next week round Lakey Hill.

(Kenton also makes an appearance, but mainly to try and get Kirsty into a costume for the Fun Run. Steady on matey!)

He is not impressed. Especially as his mates can hear.

[Jamie] “Of course not. Why would I want to do something stupid like that!”

So off they pop again. Dragging their knuckles off to their mate’s car, to do the (very old) boy racer routine.

I’m still in shock that one of them was heard to mutter: “What’s going down here then?”

“going down”?????

Not before the watershed, surely?


Alice gets drunk

“Chas” is plying Alice with tequila, and talk of how marriage isn’t really his thing.

But never fear – Chas turns out to be a good ‘un.

Which is more than can be said for some other bloke called Shaun. He spots Alice is bladdered – tries to chat her up – seems to be having some sort of result (which his mates are shouting “Get in there Shaun!” in the background).

Rather than be horrified at this blatant molestation, Alice seems to welcome it:

[Alice] “You’re very, very bad …”

But she is rather drunk. Which is when Chas steps back in to remover her from Shaun’s clutches.

But not before someone takes a photo.

On a Facebook near you soon? Chris will just love that.



Jamie to turn thief?

Now that Jamie has boasted that The Bull is part his, his mates want him to slope off some booze.

Which he doesn’t want to do (still something good like about the boy?):

[Jamie] “I’m not doing it, okay. It was my dad’s pub and I’m not ripping it off”

[Marty] “It’s not like your dad can see you!”

But Marty does point out that Jamie’s other mates will be impressed – surely just a matter of time before he gives in, steals, gets caught by Fallon/Jolene and has to go back home?

Either that, or a serious lack of cashflow might do the trick. He’s already trying to get out of paying his share for fags and petrol.


The verdict? 15 minutes of Kevins and Judes

I was trying hard not to dislike Ambridge Extra. I had been prejudging it as a Hollyoaks wannabe. And someone quite rightly pointed out to me that I shouldn’t judge before I’d heard it.

My excuse was that (a) I’m an Ambridge Eavesdropper (so course I’ll judge!) and (b) the BBC promos made it sound like a Hollyoaks wannabe.

Which, quite frankly, it was.

So looks of teen blokes acting like atypical Kevins – and lots of Uni blokes acting like that god-awful Juuuuude (there’s a thought – wonder when his visa runs out …).

BUT

It was just the first eavesdropping episode. And I’m interested enough to listen again.

Will Ambridge Extra bring hoards of teenies to Radio 4 Extra to start their lifelong love affair with Ambridge?

I doubt it.

Is it ‘added value’ for us lifers?

Remains to be seen.

Was it worth of Ambridge?

Hmmm. Jury is out on that one, for me. After all, even the ‘adult’ Ambridge can sometimes have its off days.