15th April 2010

• Focus Eddie. Focus.
• 5 out of 9 cows prefer bulls

Focus Eddie. Focus.

Looks like they might be setting Eddie up for another lost job, and an accordingly angry Clarrie.

He got away with it this time, but the more black marks he has against him, the less likely it is that they’ll see him as important enough to take along when they move.

Mind you, it is summer, so maybe there’ll be plenty of new patios to keep the coppers a’comin.


5 out of 9 cows prefer bulls

As Vicky’s ‘stock’ of bull calves ever increases, Ed’s temper rises and Mike’s pandering gets of even more embarrassing proportions.

Fair play that she’s trying to find a solution between her need to save her ‘babies’ and the need to not have a massive herd of useless farm animals.

But if there ain’t a market, she’s just going to make it worse.

Stand back for the day Ed properly explodes.

14th April 2010

• Really? I never knew that about seat belts
• Ambridge men not quite up to carrying off gladiatorial splendour
• “The Surfing is wicked.” You complete and utter a**e!

Really? I never knew that about seat belts

Never let it be said that The Archers doesn’t continue its fine tradition of spreading information and knowledge.

Is Jim right? Is it true that car can be too old to have seat belts and still be let on the roads?!?

Not sure that Jim also bought Pip’s story. She was blatantly bullshitting, desperately grabbing for a sense of reason. She might think she had the old man fooled, but there’s no fool like a whiny teenage one.



Ambridge men not quite up to carrying off gladiatorial splendour

Quite agree with you there Jim (one imagines!).

Though a party with instructions doesn’t sound like a fun prospect.

Just like those ‘murder dinners’, it all becomes a bit much trying to get yourself organised, then ‘playing the part’, when all you really need is a few bottles of wine and some music.


“The Surfing is wicked.” You complete and utter a**e!

Yup – we’ve seen it coming, but there’s the proof that Jude is an immature wanker.

While I admit to not being entirely up-to-date with street chatter, I really don’t think a 28 year old should be calling anything ‘wicked’, not getting pouty because he couldn’t go on the zip slide.

And, of course, he’s an ignorant son-of-a-lady-dog for the whole “you can pay me back” malarkey.

That’s nothing about being old fashioned, and expecting the bloke to pay. It’s an incredibly rude and inconsiderate way to treat anyone, let alone your girlfriend.

So, I guess we’re in for many months of Pip being treated like crap but not doing anything about it, then months of being inconsolable when David is proven right.

Oh, there’s a thought. How intolerable are David and Ruth going to be when Pip wakes up to herself. *sigh*

13th April 2010

• When Harry met Sandy
• And then Jazzer gets bumped!
• What’s so racy about a senior citizens lunch?
• Pip is a right pain in the ...

When Harry met Sandy

Well trying to send Harry into a situation where he was attacked by a wee dog, and then its owner, completely backfired on Jazzer.

Not only is Harry now that customer’s favourite milkman, but he’s proved to Jazzer again that he’s a top bloke, adored by women and dogs alike.

Jazzer needs to wind his neck in before he sets himself up for a massive fall.

This is all also suggestive that it’ll be Fallon to fall for Harry’s charms. Oh dear.


And then Jazzer gets bumped!

Jazzer must be losing his touch.

Just imagine – a woman so immune to his charms that she gives him a dud number and information about herself.

Ouch! Not good times in Jazzer world.

Maybe he needs to crack out a song to woo the ladies back in his direction.


What’s so racy about a senior citizens lunch?

Was it just me, or was that a massive overreaction from Peggy?

What’s so wrong with her and Ted having a spot of lunch together? Nothing as far as I can tell.

Or, is Peggy feeling an attraction to Ted that she feels she shouldn’t?

Or is it simply a case of her still not wanting to enjoy herself while Jack’s quality of life can’t ever be the same as hers?

Self denial where there’s no need.


Pip is a right pain in the ...

Enough said.

12th April 2010

• Classic Jazzer lines
• Will it be Fallon or Helen?
• Hold on a minute Tony – isn’t that Kirsty’s bloke?

Classic Jazzer lines

While Jazzer may not be impressed with Harry’s eager attitude (especially at 4am in the morning), Harry is certainly giving Jazzer some great classic quips

“one thing I’m good at is keeping the customers satisfied”

“the only twitter she gets is when her cat jumps onto her bird table”

“GBH of the lughole”

Will it be Fallon or Helen?

Jazzer obviously seems to think Harry could be a rival for Fallon’s attention.

Although she already seems impressed by Harry’s biking activities, and all Jazzer seemed to be doing was making her feel sorry for his plans to ‘teach’ Harry a lesson.

Harry certainly seems happy enough to counteract Helen’s morose mood swings.



Hold on a minute Tony – isn’t that Kirsty’s bloke?

You know somethings gone a bit awray with your life when your dad starts trying to steal men off of your friend for you.

Although Tony could be right. Helen seemed to show interested in Patrick previously (see here)

AND lest we forget that it could be said that leon was Kirsty’s fault (see here)

Still – what about the veg man or Gavin from North Wales?

11th April 2010

• You can jolly well go to the shop and buy your own
• This too shall pass

You can jolly well go to the shop and buy your own

Quite right Jennifer!

Alice has been a cheeky wee madam, but understandably so.

Young love definitely needs space.


“This too shall pass”

Which is true enough, but how long are we going to have to listen to the increasingly awful and whiny Pip arguing with an increasingly Victorian dad David?

9th April 2010

• Whoops a Lilian
• Pizza in their DNA
• Alice has a cunning plan

Whoops a Lilian

That was a short lived secret.

Just as Lilian and Paul seem to be settling down to start an affair, Jennifer stumbles over them.

Just as well, considering Paul might be starting to work on a project locally. With Jennifer keeping an eye on them, it’s unlikely they’ll be able to get up to much without being caught.

As Jennifer said, Lilian is:

“Playing a very very risky game”

Pizza in their DNA

That might explain why the whole David/Ruth side of the Archers is a bit dull …


Alice has a cunning plan

But she hasn’t mentioned a turnip as yet

8th April 2010

• When does innovative stop being innovative and just plain weird?
• Mucho bottles of wine
• Constantly moaning about all things Jude makes David a dull boy

When does innovative stop being innovative and just plain weird?

Not sure Brenda – but coming up with promotional ideas beyond just a bunch of flyers would be a start.

Bless your cotton socks for trying though. And nice to see Tom’s Sausages being thoughtful and supportive for once.

But, if Brenda does get the job, how long do we think their engagement will last? With the bright lights of Leicester lure Brenda away?


Mucho bottles of wine

Party round at Lower Loxley this weekend then!


Constantly moaning about all things Jude makes David a dull boy

Now it’s Jude’s parents ...

You haven’t even met them yet David, and yet you already only have negative things to say about them.

You’re being boring, Mr David Archer.

7th April 2010

• Vicky needs Gok Wan ... and has something different to offer to Ian
• Veal pie? 
• All because the lady loves leeks

Vicky needs Gok Wan ... and has something different to offer to Ian

You can say all you like about Vicky, but when she wants something, she’s like a terrier after a rat.

Ed’s onto a hiding to no-where if he thinks Mike will do anything other than meekly comply to Vicky’s demands.

And what a temper Mike has when someone dares to challenge his wife!


Veal pie?

Hmmm. Not sure it’d ever be sold at Greggs, but am sure there foodies out there who would relish it.

Watch this space for the dairy round being slowly overtaken by Vicky and her Veal .


All because the lady loves leeks

Fair do to Jazzer for keeping up the effort.

Though, leeks, rapeseed oil and dodgy yoghurt doesn’t sound like the most romantic way to show a lady he cares.

6th April 2010

• Brian and Lady Gaga
• Paul better work quick
• In for another Jennifer Vs Lilian barny

Brian and Lady Gaga

I can just see him jiggling and humming away to ‘Bad Romance’


Paul better work quick

If he wants to bed the lady before Matt returns.

I only hope Matt is in time. Still can’t see anything to like in Paul. Sneaky blighter!


In for another Jennifer Vs Lilian barny

Lilian – just you wait . Jennifer will work it out, and be horrified, hurt and furious.

You’ve been warned. Jennifer’s a Puma to your Pussycat when she gets one on!

5th April 2010

• Chris shouldn’t be so much of an athlete
• Hmm. Ruth’s way off is she thinks Pip has been invited just to cook
• It’s a pig of a drive though

Chris shouldn’t be so much of an athlete

We haven’t heard much of Chris and Alice since the tattoo – but they sound in fine fettle.

Though why Neil and Susan can’t work out why they’re nearly taking the ceiling down, I’ll never know.

Things might be different now, but surely sex was around in ‘their day’?


Hmm. Ruth’s way off is she thinks Pip’s been invited just to cook

No surpsiese there then.

No. No. No! from David.

Pip had a point that David and Ruth don’t know Jude, but I don’t think it’s entirely their fault. Wasn’t it Pip that was trying to avoid them all meeting in the first place?

Loving the way that David spits out Jude’s name with such venom each time he has to mention him.

Though David kept it very calm when he referred to him as a ‘flake’. I can think of plenty more apt descriptions.


It’s a pig of a drive though

See what they did there?

Talking about Tom and the commute to Leicester.

*snort*

4th April 2010

• What’s Pip atoning for?
• Well done Alan (and co.)
• Jazzer is taught to clean a leek
• Yet another reason for Tom’s Sausages to get Brenda down the aisle
• Just you, me and the lads

What’s Pip atoning for?

Did Pip go to the Easter service for spiritual guidance?

Or has the nice, thoughtful, family lass returned?

Just what has she and Jude been up to?


Well done Alan (and co.)

A whopping £2,000 raised for charity.

He may not have managed to do it all himself, but Alan’s efforts at least raised the cash.


Jazzer is taught to clean a leek

Fame one night, then taken aside by Pat to clean a leek the next.

Serves Jazzer right for being so brazen about his lack of enthusiasm for the Bridge Farm hamper.

And trying to cheat an old(er) man out of a nice dinner out. Cheeky monkey!


Yet another reason for Tom’s Sausages to get Brenda down the aisle

Will Tom start seeing Jude as a rival after Brenda realised she knew him, and had once snogged him?

Or, is this an ensuing cat fight between Pip and Brenda – though I doubt Brenda will be interested in fighting over a ‘man’ who hasn’t changed since he was 17.


Just you, me and the lads

Sounds wonderful!

Pip sounded like her mother’s/father’s daughter in the way she was instinctively worried about how to get there, what they’ll eat etc etc

More importantly- just what are the sleeping arrangements?

Or is that no longer an issue (she above re Pip at the Easter service)

2nd April 2010

• Life in Ambridge is dull after London
• Tom’s Sausages' Master Plan
• Jazzer’s a winner

Life in Ambridge is dull after London

Or should that be: life alone in Ambridge is dull after London with Paul?

Enjoyed it so much I might do it more often

Says Lilian.

And she’s already lying to her nearest and dearest!

Better watch out Lilian. Jennifer has had plenty experience of affairs, so will be able to spot your shifty shuffling fairly quickly.


Tom’s Sausages' Master Plan

As we’d come to expect of Tom, his master plan is fairly droll.

Get the girl – engage the girl – marry the girl – get the girl pregnant

Or, at least that’s what Brenda thinks.

I think she’s partly right in thinking that Tom’s new obsession with getting married is about not being second to Helen,

but, isn’t it more likely that this is also about her leaving her engagement ring off for a night out with the girls?

And, that she wants to have a career? Which could take her elsewhere?

Brenda should have gone travelling when she had the chance.


Jazzer’s a winner

Good on you.

When can we expect it to be up on ITunes?

1st April 2010

• Neville takes Simon Cowell too far
• They saw off Molly Button
• Wahey Jazzer!

Neville takes Simon Cowell too far

Neville turned into a bit of a monster at Ambridge Has Talent.

What got into him?

He certainly hasn’t won himself any new, and must have lost a few, friends by buzzing off everyone.

But all was right in the end. As Fallon put it:

“Thank god for jelly beans”


They saw off Molly Button

Unlike the real Jedward, Jamie and Josh actually won.

But, is their 15 minutes of fame and football tickets a good message after their tagging shenanigans?

With David taking a pop at Pip even when she’s not there, and hasn’t done anything to deserve it, I think there’s definite double standards.

Boys will be boys but girls will be watched …


Wahey Jazzer!

Just how can Fallon reject a man with such a fine singing voice?

31st March 2010

• Wrong about Lilian?
• Did you say Ban Ki-moon Eddie?
• I say I say I say
• You lucky cow
• The logical approach to life

Wrong about Lilian?

Maybe I just didn’t want it to be true – but I admit defeat, and will join the ranks of those who think Lilian and Paul are about to have an affair.

I was in denial even when Lilian mentioned that she hadn’t told anyone about meeting Paul as it’d be a “giveaway”

But was in acceptance at the wee ‘Bye’ from Lilian at the end.

Damn.



Did you say Ban Ki-moon Eddie?

How utterly bizarre yet marvellous!

I had to look him up …



I say I say I say

Well, once Joe gets the timing and the words right, his double act with Eddie might be passable.

Though I wish I could see Bob Pullen doing the spoons:

“He’s so shaky – he’ll playing the spoons even when he ain’t playing the spoons”

You lucky cow

Indeed Joe – at least someone is happy in the Ed/Mike/Vicky milk business. One old cow who’s been given a second chance.

Even though she has become a foster mum without being asked!



The logical approach to life

Despite all her faults, at least Helen has Ian to try and bring her back to reality.

I think we all agree that he’s the perfect man, but seriously, hasn’t Helen discovered the internet? With all those ‘professional’ dating sites, surely she could find someone, somewhere, so isn’t a complete arse and who can also deal with her neurosis.

But it’s a no to ‘love, companionship and support’ and yes to outing all of her dreams and emotions onto a baby.

I think we should start collecting now for the therapy sessions it’ll need.

30th March 2009

• Of course you should have seen it coming!
• Better you than me, Kenton
• Jokes that circulate in academia

Of course you should have seen it coming!

Well, at least Ed should’ve.

There was no chance that Vicky was going to be a sleeping-partner in the business, and cow bells should’ve started ringing when she insisted on accompanying Ed and Mike to look at new stock.

I’m also not buying into Vicky actually going through with her veal plan. She has a point that the male dairy calves shouldn’t just be shot for nothing, but what’s the difference between them going to market, or being kept and then slaughtered for veal? Isn’t that what will happen to them anyway if they go to market?

Do we think Vicky will actually let anything of them die of anything other than old age?



Better you than me, Kenton

You can look forward to being harassed by both Robert and Eddie for that Jaxx job.

Still, you might get a few nice bribes out of it



Jokes that circulate in academia

How many Phoenicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A centurion walks into a bar ...

Come on Jim. Give us the punch lines!

29th March 2010

• Well Hello Harry!
• Ambridge can’t be deprived of Jedward
• Neville Booth is the new Simon Cowell

Well Hello Harry!

And just what will you be getting up to?!?

Off to a bad start with a grumpy and bad-accented* Jazzer, but your cyclers legs might win you a few female fans in the village (if that’s your inclination).

And he's meant to be a looker - blonder hair and blues eyes et al! Mind on that Vicky took an instant dislike to him. Too perfect? (click here to see the post from that episode)

Will Helen seize her opportunity and bed him before he’s worked out that she’s a looper?

But, where did the Veg Man's son go to/

What about Gavin from North Wales?

And, there's the new couple moving into Blossom Hill

Looks like there's goign to be a 'who is the daddy' guessing game, despite the rumour of a night in with Ian and a turkey baster, and unless Helen does manage to get her sperm through the clinic.

*which I’m allowed to say as (a) a Scot and (b) someone who has experience of trying to decipher a bad west coast accent



Ambridge can’t be deprived of Jedward

Very calm reactions to Jamie and Josh’s tagging antics.

Should we tell Lynda, to make sure they get a proper bollocking?


Neville Booth is the new Simon Cowell

And Bob Pullen on the spoons.

Maybe they do indeed need Jedward after all ...

28th March 2010

• Ben’s a right ‘un!
• Tom’s Sausages says sorry!!!
• Wasn’t all bifocals and a bad back
• Boys will be boys?

Ben’s a right ‘un!

The donkey’s alright but you’ve still got to sit through the service

I wonder if Ben’s going to be a bit of a lark when he’s gets older.

A classic wee quote about church,

spotting a 25g difference between his and Josh’s Easter egg last year

and a wonder ‘oops’ moment in dobbing Josh in.

Go on yersel!



Tom’s Sausages says sorry!!!

Ooer – Brenda’s not one to tangle with these days. Absolutely stunned that she got Tom to back down so quickly over the (lack of wearing) her engagement ring.

Still, is Tom right to be worried? Did Brenda just forget to put it back on, or is she more akin to Tony’s ex?

I still hope she gets a life away from Tom’s Sausages.


It wasn’t all bifocals and a bad back in those days

Indeed it wasn’t Tony.



Boys will be boys?

Apart from the really amateur mistake of filming themselves, then letting Ben get to the evidence – is there such a big difference between the way David’s treating ‘the boys’ and Pip?

Is David reacting to Pip’s relationship with Jude so strongly because of the age difference, or is it because this is the first time she’s really started dating someone? And that could lead to intimate situations which no father wants to even think about?

Or, is Ruth right that David’s just got different attitudes when it comes to girls?

I would have expected David to be a bit more perturbed over the tagging, but maybe Ben’s right and he’s used up all his energy in worrying/fighting with Pip.

26th March 2010

• Ed finds it hard not to give Vicky an ear full
• Jazzer’s still got his pride … but’ll lose it for a price
• ‘Au revoir’ or ‘A demain’ Kate?

Ed finds it hard not to give Vicky an ear full

And how many of us can sympathise with that!?!

Still, despite looking like it was off to a great start, the new milk round doesn’t seem to be living up to expectations (so far).

Maybe Brenda was giving more sound advice when the microphone’s weren’t recording – but it seemed like she hasn’t quite come up with anything tangible that could really push sales.

Ah well. The joys of a marketing consultant …




Jazzer’s still got his pride … but’ll lose it for a price

£50 and time spent with Fallon. What a cheap date.

And can’t wait to hear how much of Killing in the Name he’ll be allowed to get through.



‘Au revoir’ or ‘A demain’ Kate?

From everything that’s happened and been said over the last few weeks, it looks like that might not have been the last we’ve heard of Kate this year.

25th March 2010

• Maybe Eddie needs to specialise?
• Ah – Kate’s home-life isn’t all that

Maybe Eddie needs to specialise?

Arguments over who should be doing Jill’s hen house aside, Eddie’s nose is out of joint because he isn’t getting all the ‘handy man’ type jobs in Ambridge.

Perhaps it’s time he looked to becoming a specialist, instead of a wandering generality?


Ah – Kate’s home-life isn’t all that

That, alongside watching Phoebe grow up without her, might explain a lot.

Maybe she’ll be buying a one-way ticket on her next visit?

24th March 2010

• Here we go again – Shula and her donkey
• Nightingale Farm up for sale
• Ignore Kenton until the bar is open
• You just can’t get the sperm these days

Here we go again – Shula and her donkey

Still, I suppose it’s nice that she still offers it.

Even though her fall-out with Alan was entirely of her own doing.

Also nice to hear that Usha just wants her sleep these days. Not sure what was happening with her a few months back, but Sleepy Usha is preferable to Rampant Usha.


Nightingale Farm up for grabs

I wonder if it could go to one of those urban types who don’t know about farming, so call in Monty Don to help?

A chance for the Ambridge to have the new generation of farmers/smallholders?!?


Ignore Kenton until the bar is open

Yup – I said it yesterday, but Kathy is indeed feeling distinctly ignored.

It’ll only take 1 other person to pay her a bit of attention, and Kenton will be left with only his bar and Jim for company.


You just can’t get the sperm these days

And wasn’t Tony just brimming with glee!

Helen’s showing her petulant side yet again. Having to wait six months is nothing – especially when you compare it to IVF treatment.

Though I did love Helen’s Violet Beauregarde moment:

“I don’t want a nice young man. I don’t want any man. I want a baby.”

Just watch out for that rubbish chute ...

23rd March 2010

• Was Kathy allowed to put that washing on???
• When did Robert get that job?
• Grrrrrr. Helen gets angry.

Was Kathy allowed to put that washing on???

We never heard Kenton’s reply. We must be told!

What a plonker Kenton is. Fancy taking Jim along on a rare night out with Kathy.

He’d just better watch out – he’s not exactly doing anything to keep Kathy interested.


When did Robert get that job?

I must have missed that bit – but Robert hasn’t popped up anywhere else doing odd-jobs lately, so it was a surprise to hear he’s doing Jim’s shelves.

Steady Eddie. You may feel he diddled you, but you were never exactly the right man for the job. And feel grateful you don’t have to deal with Jim!


Grrrrrr. Helen gets angry.

Which can’t be good when trying for a baby. Though we don’t know yet if she’s able (and if they’re willing to give her the chance).

Kate is being a bit of an arse in dishing out the life advice. Wonder who she’s going to ‘tell’ next ...

22nd March 2010

• A future for Alfie
• Alice – run like the wind!
• George can’t dance

A future for Alfie

Well we didn’t see that coming ...

Lovely Lashes gives birth – it’s a bull calf – Vicky names him – and refuses to accept that he should go to slaughter.

“Wrong to wash our hands of this beautiful young creature”

“I’m going to make it my business to find a future for Alfie”

Alice – run like the wind!

Oh dear. I hope Alice isn’t shaping up to be another Brenda.

Chris seems like a nice chap, but I hope she doesn’t make the same mistake of not getting out and about to experience more of the world beyond Ambridge.

Brenda had her chance, and now is reduced to scraping along doing ad hoc work for her family (and the occasional flyer for a local).

That’d be fine if it was enough for her, but even her attempt to work in Birmingham was shot down by Tom’s Sausages.

However – Alice was right to see that Kate isn’t entirely happy with her life as it is.

Yet more evidence that Kate will be returning?!?


George can’t dance

Bless.

19th & 21st March 2010

• Oh for heaven's sake - I’m not sending her up a chimney
• Cheesestraw without a choice?!?

Oh for heaven's sake - I'm not sending her up a chimney

David, David, David ... if you go looking for bad news, you’re likely to find something worse.

Still, at least it was booze rather than anything suggestive of a sexual relationship between Pip and Jude.

And lashing out at Elizabeth isn’t exactly going to solve anything either.

How could the poor woman have ‘undermined’ you if she didn’t have a clue what was happening?

And shouldn’t you be glad that Pip is trying to make her own money rather than sucking out all of yours?!?

This Jude thing isn’t going to go away. Though, unlike Elizabeth, I don’t think that a man his age should be seen as ‘harmless’ because he’s young for his age. Where’s that panic button ...


Cheesestraw without a choice?!?

Ouch! That was a painful ‘chat’ between Helen and Kate.

I’m really surprised Kate kept her temper through Helen’s:

“you failed at being a single mother “

“you left your child”

But Kate cut to the quick with:

“decisions are made for you”

“you won’t have a choice”

“being alone limits your horizons”

“think before you bind your life in one direction”

I can’t see Helen taking kindly to those words of advice – but, even more worrying, I think Kate has a point about what this could all mean for Helen and her obsession with having control.

While her horizon is already teeny tiny, will she cope with having to roll-over and give herself entirely to another person?

Isn’t that partly why she has such trouble with her relationships (with friends, family, colleagues … as well as boyfriends)?

18th March 2010

• A month in New Zealand with a hormonal Lucy
• The Simon Cowell of Ambridge
• What can the matter be?
• What do they mean when they say that Emerald O'Hanrahan is ‘taking the part’?

A month in New Zealand with a hormonal Lucy

That actually sounds quite fun!

So what do we think – will Fallon cope with running The Bull?

Will she find herself in bother, opening up a new opportunity for the (ever so currently quiet) Jazzer? Or will she have to turn to Lilian, though Jolene wouldn’t be too chuffed with that …


The Simon Cowell of Ambridge

I reckon Adam could find a new career as the Ambridge equivalent of Simon Cowell.

He’s certainly opinionated and grumpy enough.


What can the matter be?

Even more evidence to suggest that Kate might be making a return to Ambridge.

Is Brian right about trouble at home with Lucas?


What do they mean when they say that Emerald O'Hanrahan is ‘taking the part’?

@ArchersAddicts: News just breaking, Felicity Jones (Emma Grundy) is leaving. Emerald O'Hanrahan is taking the part. Read all about it in the Ambridge Voice.

Excuse me? What does all that mean?

Just how long has this ‘Felicity Jones’ been impostering Emma for?

And how will this new imposter manage to take her place without everyone noticing? How will she know about the whole Ed/Will triangle shenanigans!?!

We should be told …

17th March 2010

• How much?!?!?
• Knowing you were thinking of us
• The bird on the rampage

How much?!?!?

1.6 million from Matt – 3.5 million from Chalkman.

And there was me thinking a couple of hundred pounds bad debt from one of my client’s was painful.

As Paul succinctly put it:

“gosh”

Knowing you were thinking of us

Note that Lilian said ‘us’, not ‘me’

And later on, Lilian said ‘day’ not ‘date’

I think Paul may be keen, but am not getting the ‘take me now’ vibes from Lilian.

Good.


Bird on the rampage

Turns out to be a Peregrine.

A quick look at the RSPB website shows that it’s not a favourite for gamekeepers.

Will goes to jail because of a bird?!?

And talking of feminine rampages – is it just me, or is Hayley being a bit too sensitive?

It must be tough for all, but doesn’t she need to accept that mums who aren’t near their children will be a bit over the top?

“hope it’s another 3 years”

I wouldn’t be so sure Hayley. The way this is progressing, I think there might be a more permanent return …

16th March 2010

• Hurrah! New blood
• You know what it means when a boy steals moose …
• At least Usha can be relieved

A new ‘young couple’ in blossom hill – how very utterly exciting.

They can’t have kids, so in steps Helen?

Or who will one have an affair with?

New members for the darts team?

Or an argument waiting to happen with near neighbours?!?

Or, maybe it’s just me, and I need to get out more ... damn this eternal winter!)


You know what it means when a boy steals moose ...

... he wants to be Jedward!

But of course.


At least Usha can be relieved

Even though it took the badgering of two, Alan finally accepts defeat.

Wonder how long Usha will let him rest, though.

15th March 2010

• Kate hasn’t changed that much
• Whatever

Kate hasn’t changed that much

So Kate get’s it wrong by taking Phoebe to the wrong body piercing place.

Um.

Is that really so bad?

Or is this about Kate trying to regain ground by being cool to Roy/Hayley’s safe and warm?


Whatever

I am Pip, hear me roar!

Bless her cotton socks.

Though, David has to calm down or he’ll have a heart attack before he even gets onto the stage of finding condoms in Pip’s jacket.

45 minutes late should not make a screaming argument – especially when Pip isn’t a tiny tot anymore.

Or is that the point? Was Lilian right when she was telling David that he was bound to be replaced at some point?

At least David thinks it’s worse for Pip to be going out with a ‘man’ than a girl. Though, the alternative would certainly make for interesting times.

14th March 2010

• You done too much, much too young?
•  Said it before – no no no to Simon Cowell
• Avian massacre
   

You done too much, much too young?

I was too distracted during the whole Phoebe ear-piercing hullabaloo.

Isn’t Phoebe just 12 years old? Am I really becoming that 30-something that I think she’s too young?

And mind, this is coming from someone who had a pierced eyebrow and labret in her youth …

Still – it must have been a nasty shock to realise that Vicky knows more about your kid than you do. That’s enough to make anyone move continents to curb an undue influence.


Said it before – no no no to Simon Cowell

Enough said. Even though he is probably being mentioned just to wind us up!


Avian massacre

I might be kissing something – but why is there such a big deal about the churchyard bird-stalker?

Has Lynda discovered some sort of new species?

Is it a mutation caused by the previously leaking Bridge Farm?

Or just a really annoyed Budgie?!?

12th March 2010

• If Bert can’t fix it, no-one can …
• Hats off to @eddie_grundy – Bert got the blazer
• Is Kate having second thoughts?

If Bert can’t fix it, no-one can …

I think there might be a chart-topping hit pop hit in there somewhere.

Do they still do the Hit Parade?!?


Hats off to @eddie_grundy – Bert got the blazer

Although did it sound like David was a bit miffed about it?


Is Kate having second thoughts?

It must be horrifically tough being separated from your child, and it sounded like there’s a lot of uncertainty in Kate.

It didn’t really seem that her life is perfect away from Ambridge, and she’s certainly feeling that everyone is moving off and away from where she left off with them.

Will we see her permanent return?

11th March 2010

• Count the spots on the earwigs campaign
• Locusts and honey for supper
• What’s stalking the churchyard?
• Hardly Tony Hart

Count the spots on the earwigs campaign

Don’t know what Kenton’s problem was – that sounds like a simply super way to spend one’s time!

Still, I can see why he had issues with Lynda coming round. Especially when he’s so used to the wackiness of Jim’s company ...


Locusts and honey for supper

But you do have to admire Lynda for her slavish devotion to detail.

And you never know – that might be the cure for the common cold which has so far eluded us.


What’s stalking the churchyard?

And why is there such a problem about it?

Or, is this going to be a storyline about the ravages of nature – that where one has to eat, another surely must die.

Or, is there an Ambridge Beast?


Hardly Tony Hart

Goodness – that made me feel a tad older.

No surprises that it was Jamie and Josh who were the budding Banksy, but how terrifying that (a) they hadn’t heard of Tony Hart and (b) it was young Ed giving them the bollocking.

“Each generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it” George Orwell