The Archers Tues 16th Nov 2010: Race Night

The Archers: Eddie and Jazzer on a mission … Caroline’s on the bar … Nathan’s on a ‘good’ bet

• Eddie and Jazzer are looking for a patsy
• How Race Night works
• Lilian clears glue from her head with wine
• Again with the Lord Netherborne
• Tony baulks at £7
• Matt doesn’t do toy town betting
• Good Heavens Mr Booth!
• “Do you trust me enough to do a real good turn?”
• I don’t like Harry being at Peggy’s
• Shires comes in bottles!
• Nathan leaves £150 lighter

Eddie and Jazzer are looking for a patsy

At the Race Night, Eddie and Jazzer realise that they need someone to bid against Nathan in the last race, to be sure he loses a hefty price.

Jazzer can’t do it:

“He knows I only flash the cash when I have a bird to impress”

Tony then walks past, but Jazzer reckons:

“We need someone who chucks money about like sweeties”

And then Lilian pops by.

Lilian would make a perfect patsy (I’ve allowed thought of her as a bit of an Ad Fab Patsy anyway!).



How Race Night works

You bet on a horse to win, then a recording of a race is shown. Only the winning horse pays out.

In the last race, you have to pick the ‘winner of winners’. Which is where the skill (and the biggest bidding) happens. And where you have to bid against everyone else to have the right to that one horse.


Lilian clears glue from her head with wine

The cloakroom seeming “reeks of glue” after the Brownies had been making ‘stuff’ in there.

[Lilian] “I’m surprised all of them aren't as high as kites”

[Jim] “Explains a lot about Molly Button”

Tee-hee!


Again with the Lord Netherborne

Caroline’s manning the bar at the Race Night. And is asked about Lord Netherborne’s health.

He’s seemingly still not back to fighting fit, but at least he has someone living in to care from him, plus his two daughters are around.

Two daughters?

That blows my idea of Caroline inheriting if Lord Netherborne doesn’t make it through winter.

So, what’s the point?

Netherborne is most definitely a Peregrine …



Tony baulks at £7

What on earth is wrong with Tony?

First he accepts all of Tom’s new spending without much fight.

Now he’s paying for drinks.

Still, he did nearly have a heart attack when he was charged £7 for two glasses of wine.

Just how long has it been since Tony was in a pub?

Maybe The Bull has reasonable prices, as it certainly seemed £7 was considered a lot (but it was for charity)



Matt doesn’t do toy town betting

And Helen’s too big for crowds.

[Tony] “I certainly don’t want to see Helen down here … It’s not just her seize . .her knee is playing up badly”

Helen was seemingly “battling on as usual” by still being at work, rather than relaxing and taking the stress of her knee.

For goodness sake. Will someone please drag that woman back home, and lock her up for at least a few days?

It will save is all a lot of bother later on …


Good Heavens Mr Booth!

Nathan really didn’t make an effort with his fellow charity gamblers.

First he turns up in

[Caroline] “A lounge suit with an orange Hawaiian shirt”

“It should be illegal”

[Tony] “He thinks he’s in that film … Ocean’s 11”

[Caroline] “A very low rent version!”

Then Caroline notices him winking at Eddie (for which he has to remove his sunglasses – which he is wearing indoors – during winter …)

Eddie did seem to cover that quite well by saying that Nathan must have been winking at Sabrina:

“He’s developed quite a crush on her ,,, she tried her cat costume on at rehearsal – he hasn’t been the same since”

But has also served to start a rumour that Nathan has a case of “unrequited love”. Just wait until Richard hears about that.

But there’s more …

[Caroline] “Oh … does he imagine that looks sophisticated, waggling his mirrored shades instead of condescending to speak”

[Jazzer] “You mean he’s no irresistible to women?”

[Caroline] “The scales fell from my eyes when he called me babe when ordering his snakebite”

Phew!

By the end of such roguish behaviour by Mr Booth, I was quite glad he won horse number 7 …


“Do you trust me enough to do a real good turn?”

Asked Eddie of Lilian, also adding “no questions”

“Eddie, Eddie … how long have we known each other … you must realise I don’t trust you an inch by now!”

Replies Lilian. But then guffawing, and saying:

“So what can I do for you, darling?”

I don’t like Harry being at Peggy’s

My, how the tide turns!

I was one of Harry’s many adoring fans, but not would trust him less than I’d trust Eddie if he also asked me a favour with “no questions”.

At Peggy’s to help out with a laptop problem (he didn’t want Peggy to have to lug it anywhere – which begs the questions why Peggy has a laptop instead of a desktop), it all just seemed a bit odd and sinister.

Harry even ingratiated himself with Bill and Ben – as if we ever needed any more evidence that the man is probably a serial killer!

Peggy was worried by the safety warnings her laptop was giving her when she tried to open attachments from Con. So Harry explains that Peggy was right to be worried about attachments, but that ones from senders you know are okay,

Harry then takes Peggy to Florida (via what sounded like Google Earth), showing Peggy how to virtually stalk Con and his family!

I’m not happy with Harry at all. I was half expecting him to either proposition Peggy (eeeek!), or to be found riffling through her underwear drawer for spare cash (double eeeek!).

Do I also sense a trip ahoy for Peggy?



Shires comes in bottles!

Thrice hurrah!

I shall try and buy some online right now, making sure that I also get the Shires Winter Special that Eddie was talking about.




Nathan leaves £150 lighter

After a bidding war between Nathan, Lilian and Tony

(seriously – why is Tony being so generous with money at the moment?),

Lilian manages to hold her nerve to push Nathan up to bidding £150 for the wrong horse (unbeknownst to him).

Of course, it’s all fixed against him, and Nathan loses.

“The horror on his face!”

Jazzer even managed to ,lighten Nathan of another £20 on a side bet!

What’s more, Nathan even has to leave without having a chance to punch Eddie.

Nathan can’t admit that Eddie’s fooled him (as he'd also have to admit that he was trying to diddle a charity event), and Eddie managed to stick to Alan and Jim until Nathan left.

All very jolly, and all in a good cause.

Well … that was until Jazzer reminded Eddie that he’d have to rehearse with Nathan on Thursday for the Panto.

And Nathan is “going to be raging”

The Archers Mon 15th Nov 2010: Tony agrees

The Archers: A pig Ark is damaged … Tony’s going to the Race Evening …Tom and Brenda aren’t … Tom’s big plans … Nigel’s big plans … Jazzer and Eddie’s big plans for Nathan

• The Ark is going to take some hammering out
• Tony has an evening off
• “Saving our money for the one eyed bear”
• Tom’s finished the great Light Bulb survey
• Deck the Halls does indeed sound marvellous!
• Nathan’s heading for a big loss
• “Saint Clarrie o the perpetual ironing board!”
• Jack’s reduced to making decorations
• “You weren’t waiting for me to start supper!?!”
• Helen’s hobbling

The Ark is going to take some hammering out

Which is entirely Tom’s fault for not moving it, despite Jazzer warning him.

Tom then assumes Jazzer can stop on to help out, but:

[Jazzer] “You’re way overdrawn at the bank of big favours”

And anyway, Jazzer has to see Eddie, get something to eat … then it’s off to Panto rehearsal.

[Jazzer] “Cause there’s nothing I’d rather be daein, expect sticking me heid down a cludgie”

Tony has an evening off

At first blaming Jazzer for talking him into going to the Race Evening, Tony admits that he’s actually happy to be going out as Kathy is coming over.

Again.

Seemingly Tony does feel sorry for her, but she does tend to go

“about Jamie all of the time”

“Saving our money for the one eyed bear”

Which sounded incredibly rude, but was only about Children in Need.

Tom and Brenda are saving their pennies for the quiz on Friday, which is in aid of Children in Need, so that means they won’t be at the Race Evening in aid of the British Legion.

Is it just me, or does that seem a bit tight? Surely they can support both, especially they’re both working (and could have two nights out … steady!).



Tom’s finished the great Light Bulb survey

And didn’t Tony sound excited when Tom told him.

(not at all)

So with such a lack of demonstrable enthusiasm, I found it very odd indeed that Tony that agreed to all of Tom’s plans without even a hint of protest.

Is Tom completely right?

Has Tony just been swayed by savings?

Or has Tony genuinely had enough of being nagged and harassed from all quarters?

Whatever Tony’s motivations, Tom can now:

• Replace all existing lights in the cattle building with high pressure sodium lamps (24 lamps a shed)
• Replace the flood lights with security lights that use energy bulbs (and have top rims to cut out light pollution)
• AND can buy the new refrigeration for the milking parlour

All very well, but with some of the initial cost having to go onto the overdraft, can we sense a whole new round of financial problems heading its way to Bridge Farm?




Deck the Halls does indeed sound marvellous!

The website pages are ready – the dates are set (5th to 24th December) – and the German Market will be on its way soon.

Yes folks – it’s the rather magical Deck the Hall at Lower Loxley, in only its second year.

Nigel and Elizabeth didn’t mention how much the entrance fee is, but some of the attractions include:

• Traditional decorations
• Stollen
• Mulled wine
• Gluhwein
• Santa*
• Ice rink
• Greenery
• Carol Singers
• Horse drawn carriage rides (which you do have to pay extra for)
• Nativity scene
• “Breath-taking display of living Christmas trees”

Even Cranford (the horse) is “back in the harness” to help out.

I quite agree with Nigel that the

“whole place is going to be magical this Christmas”

and wish I could make it down.

I think we also need to keep an eye on the Open House day Nigel and Elizabeth are planning for January 2nd.

“Let the whole clan see this place while it’s still in its winter finery”

Hmmm. The thing is, when a family event like that is mentioned, you know there’s going to be a falling out;.


*Nigel and Elizabeth seem to think Santa comes via an agency, but we (of course) know that he personally sends his own deputies to cover all of the Santa Visit requirements, while he’s busy making those toys and checking those lists

“Both Father Christmas’ are confirmed … we don’t want a repeat of last year’s missing Santa horror”

“[the agency must have a] substitute bench full of Christmas elves waiting for their big break”

Nathan’s heading for a big loss

Well, if Jazzer and Eddie’s plans go right. Which would be a first.

Eddie’s given Nathan the ‘winners’ for the Race Evening. Nathan has also gone for the ploy of losing some, winning others, but waiting until the last race to

“Then pile everything onto a dead cert”

At least if it does come to blows, at least it will be 2 on 1.



“Saint Clarrie o the perpetual ironing board!”

Was Jazzer’s horrified response to hearing that Clarrie knew of their ploy to trick Nathan.

Jazzer was a bit more confident after Eddie reassured that Clarrie was livid at Nathan trying to take advantage of a charity event.

I wonder who could lose their nerve first.



Jack’s reduced to making decorations

Don’t get me wrong – I’d also be quite happy making tree decorations, but I found it a bit sad to think of the powerhouse that Jack once was.

Now he’s best kept busy with basic ‘fun’ tasks.



“You weren’t waiting for me to start supper!?!”

Oh Tony, that was too close for comfort.

Lucky that Pat became distracted by Tom’s talk of light bulbs.

Although you didn’t mention about waiting for Pat to come home to start tea, you had made mention that you wanted to grab a bite. Which is not the same as making food for the whole family.

Cheeky!



Helen’s hobbling

Pat reports that Helen “is in such discomfort”, as her knee really hasn’t had a chance to get better.

After Pat and Kirsty harassing her, Helen has:

“Finally admitted it was getting too sore”

And might go in late tomorrow, or even take the afternoon off of work.

“Saying she’ll look after herself is one thing – getting her to do it is another”

Come on Helen! You’re fated to be miserable, but why make the chance of that even greater?

The Archers Sun 14th Nov 2010: A soldier’s tale

The Archers: Eddie’s off to the boot sale … Nathan’s fate is in Clarrie’s hands … Des Penlow

• I love it when Clarrie talks angry
• Meg hates the brush cutter
• I’m all for the traditional ones
• So a good time was had by all at the Dance
• Remembrance Sunday remembered well
• So the van story FINALLY ends

I love it when Clarrie talks angry

Eddie’s pushing Clarrie for an answer as to whether he can put on over on Nathan Booth.

Clarrie’s just as “disgusted” as Eddie about Nathan trying to fiddle the Race Evening – thereby taking money away from the British Legion.

Eddie reckoned Nathan’s antics are

“Like nicking the money out of a poppy tray”

Clarrie's first thought was to tell Alan, but Eddie didn’t want that as Nathan would know he’d grassed him up

(come on Eddie – you’re not in the playground now!)

After hearing Des Penlow and how much the British Legion had helped him, Clarrie came back from church full of righteous fury

“No matter how I turn it round I still don’t agree with people taking the law into their hand … but just this once, I’ll make an exception for Nathan booth … miserable little beggar … I hope you and Jazzer sting him hard!”

Oh Nathan.

Be very, very afraid.

Clarrie doesn’t get that angry very often, but when she does, it’s best to hide in the shed …


Meg hates the brush cutter

Aw, wee toots!

Still, at least she gets to run about in the open with Will (dogs don’t care what you’re like – just as long as you feed ‘em and walk ‘em).

Most dogs only ever get a chance to hate the hoover.


I’m all for the traditional ones

An advent calendar should indeed have “angel and glitter and all that”

Will and Nic’s cartoon characters alternative to Clarrie’s one for the kids just makes me want to go ‘pah’.


So a good time was had by all at the Dance

Will reckoned the Dance was fine because

“At least he had the sense to keep his button lipped for once”

But either way, the Ed and Will managed to spend a whole evening together without exchanging blows or loud insults.

Progress indeed.

Clarrie might be taking it too far by having the whole family round for Grundy Christmas, but Will doesn’t sound too keen.

He may try and put off making a decision, but I reckon that Nic won’t let him away with not doing as she and Clarrie wish.

They make a grand pair, those two. Nic’s even bought Clarrie that Pashmina she’d had her eye on (Pashmina, William, not shawl. You oik!).


Remembrance Sunday remembered well

Des Penwell, the ex-soldier giving a speech at St. Stephens for today’s Remembrance Day, did a very fine job.

That was really quite moving.

And a good reminder that it isn’t just past wars we need to remember. It also isn’t just about the scare you can see

“Damage up top – where it doesn’t always show”

Des talked about how he didn’t realise he needed help after leaving the army. When he did realise, he didn’t want to ask as it would be “soft”.

He’d hit rock bottom (lost his partner, child, home and hit the booze, when he met some good listeners – including our own Alan.

The British Legion then gave him a case worker, who helped him get his life back on track.

• [Clarrie] “I’ve never seen the Boys Brigade sit still so long … spellbound … gave them plenty to think about”

If you’d like to know more about the Royal British Legion – click here


So the van story FINALLY ends

Eh?

I’d totally forgotten about the hoo-ha surrounding Eddie needing a new van – Will lending him the money – Eddie being a tad worried about taking it – and me predicting it’d all end in tears.

Mais non!

We hear nothing for months, and today Eddie makes his final repayment to Will.

I must have been so worried that I block any other previous mention of it from my mind …

The Archers Fri 12th Nov 2010: The Night of the YFC Ball

The Archers: Will and Ed on a night out together … Eddie’s being sneaky

• Nic and Will are looking dapper
• Eddie wants the coast to be clear
• All because Pip didn’t check the size of TCB
• Didn’t Nic want a nice night out?
• It was Jade, actually
• First rule of pregnancy
• I was wrong about Matthew
• Now Eddie’s cutting toenails!

Nic and Will are looking dapper

According to Eddie and Clarrie.

Nice has the “perfect” dress on, and Will has a new red bow tie.

[Will] “Well, you can’t be too stuffy”

Of course, Eddie can’t help winding up Will

[Eddie] “What about you William? Playing the maracas – are you part of the band?”

Clarrie, as usual, is all too aware of what her boys could get up to, and tries to advise Will:

[Clarrie] “It doesn’t matter who else is there Will, you just relax and enjoy”

“If they keep themselves to themselves, they’ll be alright”

Eddie wants the coast to be clear

Joe’s just mucked out Bartleby, is in the bath, then is off out to The Bull to play cribbage with Bert.

Clarrie’s tackling a mountain of ironing:

[Ed] “Are you doing that whole basket of ironing now?”

[Clarrie] “No, the queen of the fairies is taking over in 5 minutes … what do you think?”

(I can’t do Clarrie any justice on the above quote – it has to be listened to in order to understand it as a proper *snort* moment)

Eddie then tries to persuade Clarrie that she should take a dish back to Kathy, right now, because he “doesn’t want getting a name as bad neighbours”

which, quite unbelievably, seemed to work. Off our Clarrie pops …

… until she pops right back in again, catching Eddie in the act of going through Joe’s pockets.

[Clarrie] “Give me that!”

[Eddie] “It’s nothing”

[Clarrie] “I’ll be the judge”

(when she realises it’s to do with the Race Evening)

[Clarrie] How can you stoop so low … taking advantage of the British Legion”

[Eddie] “It isn’t what you’re thinking at all”

Oh dear. Two minutes into his and Jazzer’s cunning plan to get one up on Nathan Booth, Eddie’s already mucked it up.

What a surprise!


All because Pip didn’t check the size of TCB

TCB is the band playing at the YFC Ball

(TCB seemingly stands for Taking Care of Business (Elvis Presley) and the Tommy Crocker Band – as the saxophone player is the grandson of Tommy Crocker, who used to play at Grey Gables and was one of Jack’s favourite bands … so I’m told).

But Pip didn’t check how many were in the band, so now her table plan is completely defunct.

It sounds like she was able to find a spot for everyone (I bloomin’ well hope so – it would be great value as a dinner dance if you couldn’t actually sit down for dinner).

And Emma reckons:

“It just makes it cosier being bunched up”

But Emma didn’t think that through.

It all depends on who you’re actually having to bunch up with.


Didn’t Nic want a nice night out?

While I applaud Nic’s efforts to try and get Ed and Will back to acting at least half-decent around each other, why do so on one of her very rare nights away from the kids and work?

As her and Will arrive, she decides that the best plan would be to plonk themselves down on the same table as Ed and Emma.

Even stranger still that the other three went along with Nic’s brilliant plan (albeit grudgingly). Surely one of them could have said ‘no’?

[Nic] “Won’t do the boys any harm, trying to be civilised with each other for once”

As the foursome settle down to their evening, Will gets in a round.

And manages not to shout at or punch Ed.

They all take to the dance floor, and still no shouting or punching.

Even Will and Emma have quite a civilised chat:

[Emma] “Will, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you myself (about the baby)”

[Will] “It’s okay … it doesn’t matter … George left his gloves on Tuesday”

Well that’s progress, even if Will had to quickly change the subject.

Things seem to start going downhill as the evening progresses, but there’s still no shouting or punching.

Just a sarcastic quip from Will as Ed retells Pip’s tale about Tommy Crocker.

As Emma and Nic bond over swollen ankles (not literally – Emma has them, Nic has the memory of them), Ed and Will start to argue over who should be buying the next round.

But just when it looks like the bloodshed is about to commence, Nic steps in to say that it’s her and Emma’s round (even though she has to take a sub off of Will to buy it).

So the evening went off without a bang (just like The Bull’s bonfire night – well, there was bangs, but the overall impression of the evening was a bit of a ‘pfffff’).

But does this mean that Ed and Will will start being nice chaps to each other?

Will there be more double dating?

Cripes. It might be the calmest Christmas day in the Grundy for many a year.



It was Jade, actually

Oo-er Pip!

That was a bit snooty.

So Ed doesn’t know the difference between green and jade.

You should take the compliments where you can get them. Especially as it doesn’t like there’s much fruitiness afoot with Lucan.


I was wrong about Matthew

Izzy seemingly didn’t look happy with Matthew from the start.

And Pip later reports that Izzy has:
“Given up on Matthew … he grows an extra pair of hands with every drink”

Oh well. I wonder if Izzy still had “boring” Gary to fall back on.


First rule of pregnancy

Is to find out where the rules are.

Wonder if Helen is aware of that one amongst her lentils, exercise and calorie counting.


Now Eddie’s cutting toenails!

But it wasn’t as gross as Clarrie cutting Joe’s.

Eddie was tending to one of his ferrets (Brooklyn)

[Clarrie] “You spend more time grooming your ferrets than yourself”

As Brooklyn tries to muck about with Clarrie’s washing, I was left wondering is a ferret really does make those sort of noises …

The Archers Thurs 11th Nov 2010: Jill and Peggy are creating work

The Archers: A pig with a wheeze and a sheep with Orf … the cows are in for the winter … Pip’s all revved up for the Dance tomorrow … Jazzer’s first Panto rehearsal

• As winter sets in, the animals are feeling the strain
• At least Peggy is proud of Tom
• A great-grandmother who is more excited about energy plans
• Panto ‘snot’ moments #3
• Pip’s having to pull out the stops
• Phew! No more dark corner for Peggy
• Jill needs her hive (and attitude!) fixed
• “Madam Snell hasn’t driven you to the evil weed an all, has she?”
• Nathan Booth is in for it …

As winter sets in, the animals are feeling the strain

One of Tom’s pigs have a wheeze (though he doesn’t seemed to concerned about it), and one of David’s sheep might have orf.

While David might have to vaccinate his whole flock, Tom won’t let Jazzer take the pig in.

Tom could be right that it isn’t that serious, and Jazzer is obviously concerned about more than just a pig.

Especially as he even offered to work longer for no pay (which just isn’t like him at all!).

As Tom tried to illustrate in a very bad accent, Jazzer’s simply trying to avoid his first Panto rehearsal.



At least Peggy is proud of Tom

It has to be said that Tom is doing a good thing by trying to save Bridge Farm expense, but it’s the way he goes about it.

Tony’s only ever going to say ‘no’ to Tom’s ideas, because Tom only ever makes him feel old fashioned or daft for not having made the changes before.

And even Jazzer’s losing his temper with his over-eager approach:

“I could die of extreme old age before I ever gave a damn about your yard lighting”

Which was a bit harsh of Jazzer, but he’s likely had enough of Tom going on and on and on and on and on …

But good old Peggy is at least being nice and excited about Tom’s plans.

“So refreshing to hear someone with a clear plan for that farm”

But – Peggy does still manage to slip Con into the conversation (she mentioned she’d been telling Con about Tom’s plans).



A great-grandmother who is more excited about energy plans

As much as I have a very soft spot for Peggy, and am glad she’s finding a wee bit of happiness through Con, it’s very off-putting that she still can’t find any joy for Helen’s pregnancy.

As she was talking to Tom about the email she’d sent back to Con, she quickly changed the subject when Tom asked her if she’d mentioned that she was about to become a great-grandmother.

That’s a shame. On Helen, and on her soon-to-be little one.

Do we reckon both Peggy and Tony will come round once they get to actually hold the new addition to their clan?


Panto ‘snot’ moments #3

[David] “I had the dolphin’s speech off by heart – couldn’t get beyond ‘we’re talking at cross porpoises’”

Pip’s having to pull out the stops

Oh dear.

That church organ doesn’t sound a friendly fella at all.

Pip’s struggling to learn the piece for the Advent Service, but likely all will be well in the end.

Especially as it’s a tribute for Phil.


Phew! No more dark corner for Peggy

Seemingly it was only a pulled wire, which Tom sorted out (and then was rewarded with a can or lager).

Seemingly that ever naughty Bill was the culprit (despite no real evidence).

Something had given the light a right thump.

But could it have been Ben???



Jill needs her hive (and attitude!) fixed

As Peggy needed her family to help fix her dark corner, Jill needs the roof of one of her hives fixed.

Which is fair enough, but what a horrid attitude she’s got towards Peggy and Con.

Jill needs her bee hive roof to be fixed

[Peggy] “I do still find it odd … how excited she is about Con’s email … even though he made things so difficult for her last time … if it had been Phil … it would have been disloyal”

[David] “All Peggy’s going through, it must be nice to have someone else to think about for once”

Quite right David. Jill is also going through a horrible round of ‘firsts’ without Phil, but she could at least be happy that Peggy is happy.

And let’s face it – Jack isn’t exactly going to notice Peggy sending a few emails …



“Madam Snell hasn’t driven you to the evil weed an all, has she?”

It’s Jazzer’s first Panto rehearsal, and he’s already having a fag break.

Eddie stumbles into him in the dark, as he also escapes.

But it’s not Lynda that’s the problem – it’s that rascal Nathan Booth.

Nathan’s really winding Eddie up by saying his lines early, upstaging him (surely not possible?) and pulling funny faces.

[Jazzer] “If you were Nathan Booth, wouldn’t you want to try on a new face?”

Eddie then also has to put up with Jazzer being cheeky about his part in the Panto:

“All you ever say is ‘I’m a rat I’m a rat, what do you think of that?’”

But Jazzer’s soon forgiven as he hatches a crafty plan …


Nathan Booth is in for it …

Nathan’s been trying to get Joe’s race videos from Eddie so that he can clean up at the Race Evening.

Which Eddie is utterly appalled by Nathan’s plan, as the Race Evening is in aid of the British Legion.

[Jazzer] “Slippery than a butter deal that one”

was Jazzer’s estimation of Nathan.

[Jazzer] “Let’s be a bit smart about it – bout time wee weasely Nathan learned a lesson”

Nathan really ought to be shaking in his socks. What with a dynamic duo like Jazzer and Eddie on your case …

The Archers Wed 10th Nov 2010: Fallon IS going to the Ball!

The Archers: Caroline’s uncle is still on the mend … Brian’s avoidance plans … Peggy’s cats are playing up …

• “I suppose we were really stretched last year with orphans”
• Lord Netherborne – a bit of a Peregrine
• Brian’s using whisky to escape
• Naughty Bill
• Des Penwell
• Con still excites Peggy
• Valda doesn’t solve anything
• What’s this about a “dark corner”?
• Does Jill disapprove?
• “The theatrical equivalent of The Titanic”

“I suppose we were really stretched last year with orphans”

The harsh reality of sheep farming, courtesy of Adam.

“You don’t want too much tangle round the pens”

“Now, are you ready to go flying up to the roof?”

The harsh reality of Adam’s arming life, courtesy of Brian.




Lord Netherborne – a bit of a Peregrine

Well, not really.

It’s just that it was mentioned yet again that Caroline still has to look after her uncle.

Like the Peregrines were often mentioned without any obvious point – then become a ‘hot’, contentious issue – Lord Netherborne being poorly keeps cropping up.

Watch this space …


Brian’s using whisky to escape

And what’s really bad, is that he’s using booze to escape his own son’s birthday party!

Ian’s going to entertain as the great … something or other (did anyone catch that?). I’m assuming it’s a magic show.

But Brian is only going to:

“show willing where he has to”

Poor wee Ruairi.

His mum’s dead.

He dad would prefer alcohol to being at his party.

And even his step-brother-by-marriage is going to try and join Brian.

At least he’s got Jennifer and Kate making a fuss over him.

Actually. Scratch that. It’d probably be better if he was just utterly neglected.


Naughty Bill

Not sure why Peggy’s cats are being so hyper. She’s had to resort to locking them in the kitchen when she has guests over. Especially Bill.

The other day, Bill was clamouring all over Pat. And today he manages to break free of the kitchen to annoy Jill and Peggy.

Something in the air, or too much catnip?



Des Penwell

Is talking on Sunday, at the church, about his experiences in Afghanistan.


Con still excites Peggy

After all those years, and after she received his email on Saturday, Peggy is still giddy as a schoolgirl about Con.

But Jill doesn’t seem at all impressed (now there’s a surprise – Jill just can’t seem to muster any joy for anything which isn’t spot on ‘the norm’).



Valda doesn’t solve anything

[Lynda] “Strictly between you and me, she doesn’t thrive in the pressure cooker of pantomime – I always felt she never really made the grade in snow white”

So if Valda, Vicky and Sabrina aren’t up to playing Alice Fitzwilliam, just who is?

[Lynda] “Fallon and her sadly underused talent”

So while Hayley “does wonders with our little rats”, Phoebe show her artistic talents in designing the posters, Lynda is left to bemoan the lack of Fallon as her Alice.

At least Harry sorted Idle Jack.

Giving Lynda a “marvellous surprise” by turning up with Jazzer in tow, Lynda is utterly oblivious to (surely what must have bee) Jazzer’s utter reluctance.

[Lynda] “Whatever false modesty was holding him back, he’s over it now … very bashful … mumbled so much I had to make him repeat himself … I intimated him slightly …”

Lynda thought she’s ‘intimidated’ Jazzer because, when she suggested Harry’s idea of:

“Idle Jock, a comic Scotsman complete with mischievous kilt and a ginger wig”

Jazzer’s distaste was read by Lynda as

“Apparently it was a step too for his confidence … he gave me quite a look!”

I do adore our Lyndee, but she really doesn’t pick up on anything other than that she wants to see.

Harry has forced Jazzer to be in the Panto, but the line has been drawn through the concept of Idle Jock.

“Idle Jack remains … and I’m hoping to persuade him to sing”

Well, that’s great news.

Jazzer’s singing at Ambridge Has Talent was lovely, so I’ll look forward to hearing him again.


What’s this about a “dark corner”?

Am I missing something?

That was the second mention by Peggy that she has a dark corner.

Has the bulb blown?

Curtain can’t be pulled back?

What?

Whatever it is, Peggy needs someone to fix it for her.

She thinks it would be hard to find “someone for such a small job”, and doesn’t want to ask her family.

“Phil used to do that”

Said Jill, bring the conversation well and truly back to her.

I shouldn’t really be so harsh to Jill (even though she does ask for it sometimes), as it is going to be a tough first festive season without Phil.

But it felt like she was scoring points off of Peggy.

Jill’s one up because her husband is dead, whereas Peggy’s is still very much alive.

And then Jill behaves quite oddly about Peggy’s Con …


Does Jill disapprove?

It certainly seemed that way.

She wasn’t exactly glowing – or even happy for Peggy – when she read Con’s long letter as Peggy asked her to.

(and Peggy is quite right that a long email is just as good as a letter, though I still think the ‘ping’ of an email received isn’t quite like a non-bill thumping down on your doormat).

What’s wrong with Jill?

Can’t she see that Peggy has found a wee bit of harmless happiness?

So as Peggy (still in schoolgirl mode) dreamily talks about Florida and Ruby Throated Humming birds, all Jill found the effort to do was mention Jack.

Was that to bring Peggy back to reality with a bump?

Quite nasty, really.

[Peggy] “Living proof it’s never too late to develop an interest”

On yersel Peggy! Get it where you can …


“The theatrical equivalent of The Titanic”

Still stressing about the lack of a lady to lead as Alice, Lynda is getting desperate:

“If the worst comes to the worst … it’ll be the theatrical equivalent of the titanic … I might have to cast Sabrina”

Which everyone agrees would:

“Clear the hall … children and small animals crushed in the rush”

(I won’t even try to think why animals attend Ambridge’s Panto)

But then Lynda corners Fallon (after Clarrie planted the idea in her head the other day), and quite easily persuades her to prerecord Alice’s singing, to which Sabrina will mime.

Yet – it’s not over until Lyndee is utterly satisfied.

“What a better finish … you and Harry arm in arm … singing of love’s triumph”

Whether Fallon fell for the sheer joy of performing on a stage (any stage), or whether it was the mention of getting close to Harry that egged Fallon on, while she was most eager to do the pre-recordings, Fallon sounded even more keen to actually be in the Panto.

But there’s The Bull to run. And a rather wobbly Jolene to support.

So that’s that. Fallon can’t play love’s young dream because she has to keep home and hearth together.

But, what’s this …

[Jolene] “Maybe the challenge is just what I need … I want to try, love … just let me”

And there it is. Jolene finally steps up. Which means Fallon can live a little, by taking part in the village Panto.

My word – was Lynda nearly pornographic in her sheer delight at the news!

[Jolene] “I want to see my girl go to the ball”

[Lynda] “actually, technically that’s referring to another Panto”

(at which point Fallon or Jolene was heard to utter something very similar to ‘oh, shut up' though it was probably just ‘Lynda’)

[Lynda] “Oh what the heck … well done Fallon! you are coming to the ball after all!!”

Huzzah! Lynda will finally cease her woes about finding an Alice. Fallon gets to have a life out of the pub (and possibly get closer to Harry … though he does strike me as a rather sexless chap). And Jolene gets to see if she can really cope.

Trebles all round!

The Archers Tues 9th Nov 2010: Harry (finally) properly loses his temper

The Archers: Kenton and Jolene go shopping … Jazzer burns the porridge … Tom’s an irritant

• Ruth and Pip tackle a right cow
• Kenton and Jolene have it large
• I Love The Bull has had an impact, but …
• The Blues Brothers is like pulling on an old jumper
• Pip plays in tribute
• Will a Harry/Jazzer combo be better than Jim?
• Tom’s sparky ideas
• All because of a tuna bake …

Ruth and Pip tackle a right cow

[Pip] “I’m fine with it, and she’s not very big”

[Ruth] “I want to trim round the buds, don’t want the iron clogging up”

While the poor cow gets seen to, Ruth has yet another go at Pip about College.

Maybe it’s just me, but Pip does seem to have settled down. So surely Ruth can trust her to make her decision.

And hasn’t Ruth learned that nagging Pip makes her do the exact opposite?


Kenton and Jolene have it large

Well, not quite, but Kenton seemed to be in fine feckle as he was driving himself and Jolene to the bar supplier.

“It’s 12 miles to weighbridge, tank full of gas and a packet of cheese and onion”

That’s Kenton’s version of The Blues Brothers.

“Sorry, I’ll shut up”

That’s Kenton apologising to Jolene for playing the fool.

“If I can find the right novelty cocktail shakers, the hordes will start flooding in”

That’s Kenton jesting.

After their relatively fruitful supplier shopping – it involved red leather banquettes, serviettes, colouring sheers (for the kiddies) and a dancing penguin, Kenton and Jolene sit down for a pub lunch.

Which was served with a side of guilt for Jolene.

She felt she shouldn’t be enjoying herself when she should’ve been at work.

But, since Bonfire night, Jolene has been a bit down again.

“Two steps forward, one step back with me at the moment”

And while it’s been good for Jolene to have a day out, it’s also been a day full of Sid reminders.

First The Blues Brothers. Then the fact that she hasn’t gone shopping for the pub since she went to New Zealand with Sid.

Still – Kenton seemed to be doing a grand old job of cheering Jolene up.

What with his wind up dancing penguin and polar bear shaped ice cubes, Kenton had Jolene laughing and gwaffing.

Good. That’s a dramatic improvement on the shadow of a woman that has been Jolene.

And do we think these two could become more than just bar supply shopping buddies???


We Love The Bull has had an impact, but …

Jolene says that Christmas bookings in the restaurant are down.

What more can we do?

513 supporters on Facebook

580 on Twitter

What else could we be doing???



The Blues Brothers is like pulling on an old jumper

According to Jolene.

She was talking about how she and Sid used to love watching The Blues Brothers. Sid even used to sing along.

Now why didn’t we get to eavesdrop to such golden moments?

As Kenton put it:

“That must be the hardest part – losing those sort of moments”

Maybe it’s better Jolene does have some memories that are just her own.


Pip plays in tribute

Valda is teaching Pip how to play ‘Waiting for Wonder’ for the Advent service.

As it’s the first time Pip’s granddad (Phil) isn’t there to play at the service.

“If I can manage, it would feel like a real tribute”

Aw! It’s as if Jude had never happened.



Will a Harry/Jazzer combo be better than Jim?

Hmmm.

While Jim was a bit too academic in his questions, I have grave doubts about Harry and Jazzer’s ability to be joint Quiz Master.

Especially considering the hoo-ha later on today.


Tom’s sparky ideas

As well as thoroughly irritating Tony, Tom’s also doing Jazzer’s “head in”.

And when Tom annoys Tony, everyone suffers:

[Jazzer] “He’s going about like a boar with an itchy backside who’s just seen his favourite scratching post burst into flames”

All because of a tuna bake …

Harry offer to make tuna bake for Jazzer.

Jazzer doesn’t seem to really fancy it, so decides to make porridge instead.

“Only time to eat porridge is for a sesh … it lines the stomach”

Harry later arrives home to find Jazzer was cooking his porridge, but forgot about it when chatting on the phone with one of his lady friends.

Forgotten porridge still cooking = one ruined pan.

And one very … VERY … annoyed Harry.

[Harry] “you’ve wrecked my new cast iron pond and bent one of my chefs knives”

[Harry] “DON’T INTERRUPT” (followed by a very loud bang as he slammed, what I assume, was the aforementioned pan)

[Jazzer] “Mooth shutting up noo …”

And I have to give Jazzer credit for so quickly realising that the best tactic was to be humble rather than argumentative.

Harry then let rip about all of Jazzer’s faults.

That he is a “dustbin … blasts music … helps self to food … don’t cook clean or shop” and now has

“Just destroyed best two bits of cookware I ever had!”

Oh, the humanity!

[Jazzer] “Aye, that was unfortunate”

[Harry] “Take take take, never a thought for anyone else”

[Jazzer] “How did you no drop some kind of hint … I thought you were just mithering on like ma ma – you should have just came straight out with it”

[Jazzer] “Don’t worry about your wee pot and knife”

But Jazzer soon changed his tune when he realised that it would take £100 to replace the pot and knife.

“A hundred quid for 2 bits of tin … phew, that’s a lot of beer”

However, Jazzer was also aware that he’d finally pushed his luck with Harry:

[Jazzer] “I can do thoughtful and helping”

[Harry] “If you really want to prove it … there’s something you can do for someone else … and it’s simply not negotiable”

Oo-er! Could that be related to a Panto, per chance?

I am glad that Harry has shown he’s human, but, when he finally stood up for himself, he was a tad scary.

I’ll say it again – who really is this Harry bloke???

The Archers Mon 8th Nov 2010: Tony’s feeling picked upon

The Archers: Sabrina is being Sabrina … Nic and Clarrie go shopping … Harry is still trying to persuade Jazzer … Tony gets it from all sides

• “Does anyone have as much front as Sabrina?”
• Belly strapping a cow
• Harry “hasn’t got the measure of Jazzer”
• Does Nic even believe herself?
• Eddie – take Clarrie out!
• Fully condensing heat recovery unit
• Taking it to extremes
• “What have I done to offend you all?”

“Does anyone have as much front as Sabrina?”

I reckon the men of Ambridge would be hard pushed to think of anyone else to beat Sabrina.

Nic and Clarrie bumped into Sabrina in a charity shop, while she was on her mobile feigning that she was in Underwoods Designer department.

Surely all good ladies nowadays have no shame in supporting their local charity, while picking up a bargain.

Don’t the rich become rich by being canny?


Belly strapping a cow

Ruth and Pip sure know how to bond.

They just belly strap a cow. Even though the poor cow just seemingly lifted her foot.

Taking her chance to corner Pip about her College considerations, Ruth seems to be pushing Pip to make decisions.

But it doesn’t look like Pip is in any rush. She has a cow to tend to, course work to finish and a ball to organise (there’s only 4 tickets left. Best rush before you have to resort to EBay).


Harry “hasn’t got the measure of Jazzer”

Utterly obsessed with making sure Lynda gets her full panto cast, Harry is still trying to persuade Jazzer to be Idle Jack.

But he has a cunning plan.

Instead of Idle Jack – Harry comes up with changing the character to

“Idle Jock … a comic Scotsman”

*sigh*

Harry thought that would be more “appealing” for Jazzer, but it isn’t just Jazzer than he doesn’t understand – it’s surely the entire race of Scots that he seems to lack an understanding of.

Jazzer expressed his lack of support for Harry’s idea

[Tom] “Never heard such fluent or imaginative swearing … sure half the words weren’t real, even in Glasgow”

Poor show Mr Mason.


Does Nic even believe herself?

Buying a nice sequin dress for the Young Farmers Association dinner dance, Nic’s also pondering trying to get Will to buy a new tie.

Seemingly his current favourite looks like a “comfort blanket” (tatty as well as well adored).

Nic and Clarrie then have a chat about the fact that both Nic/Will, and Ed/Emma, will be at the aforementioned dance.

If you ask me, both Clarrie and Nic at times seemed to be talking about completely different blokes.

[Clarrie]” Both of them thinking the other one is trying to get one up – and they’re not”

(oh yes they very much are – it’s currently – who can block a road for the longest, and who can rev their car engine the loudest!)

[Nic] “Will is prickly about the baby … that’s because of the way he found out”

(nope – it’s because he loathes Emma and Ed. And won’t Will be thinking that, if Ed and Emma weren’t so evil, the baby would have been his?)

[Nic] “He’ll be fine about … I won’t give him a choice”

(actually – Nic might just be able to make that happen. She’s already proven she didn’t take Will’s jealously lying down …)

[Nic] “He’ll be alright, you know, about Emma and Ed’s baby”

[Clarrie] “I hope so”

[Nic] “I think hearing about the baby touched an old nerve – perhaps he is still a bit raw – but he’ll come round”

[Clarrie] “Hmmm”

[Nic] “And there’s no real reason for him to be bothered, is there?”

[Clarrie] “No logical reason, no …You’re quite right Nic – babies is the best news a family can have”

Nic’s right that Will has “no real reason” to be so aggravated by Ed and Emma having a baby – but Clarrie’s spot on that it’s no actually a real reason anyway.

Will isn’t a bit raw – he’s positively fuming!

As I said before, this dance could be closer to an enactment of the prom in Carrie …


Eddie – take Clarrie out!

I’ve said this many times before, but Clarrie really does deserve some pampering. After all, amongst the many jobs, housework, sorting out Joe and Eddie’s scams AND cutting Joe’s toenails (the image of which still gives me nightmares), Clarrie really doesn’t get any ‘me’ time.

As she’s shopping with Nic, she spots a pashmina she really likes, but won’t but because:

“Eddie don’t take me to any posh dos”

As Clarrie nips off to the toilet (so that she can go “straight up to the turkeys when I get back”- does she never stop???), it looks like Nic bought it for her.

So Eddie – if Clarrie does have that pashmina, you can at least buy the lady dinner so that she can wear it.

And that’s an order!


Fully condensing heat recovery unit

Blimey – that Tom knows how to be interesting and sexy at the same time (!!!).

Tom’s gone off the idea of a pre-cooler, and now wants to buy a fully condensing heat recovery unit.

Much to Tony's consternation.

Tom does have to be applauded for his efforts to save ‘front end’ costs by saving on electricity, but he really doesn’t try to involve Tony. He just tells him what’s what.

And Tony’s right that Tom has a cheek wanting to buy new equipment when he gave Tony such had a hard time over tony buying mower conditioner.

But seemingly that’s not the same. Tom’s efforts are like making you don’t leave the light on in a room that isn’t being used there and then, rather than replacing equipment which just does the farm work.

Pat also backs Tom, as both a cost saving and a good moral stance (to reduce footprint).

I can’t help thinking that if everyone listened to Tony (rather than assuming he’s talking bollocks), and if they all sat down to look at ways to save costs as well as maintain their working equipment – wouldn’t they have a more productive farm anyway?


Taking it to extremes

Helen has now been spotted by Lynda at Grey Gables, this time at the crack of dawn waiting for the pool to open.

She’s seemingly swimming first thins and last thing every day.

As Tony pointed out, at least Helen does eat properly when she exercises, but surely she’s just burning off those calories.

This does not bode well at all.


“What have I done to offend you all?”

So after Pat and Tom ganging up on him about the farm, Tony also has to deal with Kathy coming over for dinner (again), and talk of Helen exercising too much.

Pat made him take his boots off, demanded he change his jeans and then also his top (all because of their dinner guest).

[Tony] “Once in a while is fine – she can be good company when she wants to be – but it’s impossible to relax properly when she’s here”

Maybe Tony should have made a point by taking his work jeans off to sit around in his pants. That’d put Kathy off!

[Tony] “What have I done to offend you all? Can’t even keep my comfortable clothes on – are you lot ever going to give me a moment’s peace?”

Doesn’t seem like it, Tony.

I think your problem is that you have a very headstrong family who don’t seem to think you know what you’re talking about. It also doesn’t help that you’re not exactly the best listener in the world.

The Archers Sun 7th November 2010: Harry really rates Lynda

The Archers: Jolene plans a day out … Peggy’s birthday plans … Con has been in touch … Nathan Booth is being naughty at the Panto … Poppies are selling well in The Bull

• Fallon’s working on her tunes again
• Does Jolene really just want bar supplies?
• Bill’s been on the pull
• Peggy’s having a birthday tea
• “Tom really has got his head screwed on, doesn’t he?”
• Con Lives!
• Robert’s making funny sounds
• Harry and Lynda up a tree?
• Ah, that’s why Lynda is so …
• Ruairi has his bottom pinched
• Vicky is not an ingénue
• I want to see Nathan’s Bruce Forsyth
• At last … someone realises Fallon can sing!

Fallon’s working on her tunes again

Oh, that’s a surprise.

Just when there’s a dire need for music in the panto.

If I was a cynical person …

Does Jolene really just want bar supplies?

She sounded very odd indeed.

And then she ‘reveals’ that Kenton is taking her to Borchester Bar Supplies.

That’s interesting. Very interesting indeed.



Bill’s been on the pull

Naughty Bill.

That’s Peggy’s sofa, that is.


Peggy’s having a birthday tea

Ah, how lovely. With family, and cake!

(and I’m not being sarcastic. That sounds like a lovely time for a lady about to turn 86).

[Peggy] “Don’t bother hunting out the right number of candles”

Bless her.


“Tom really has got his head screwed on, doesn’t he?”

No Peggy.

Sorry to disagree, but Tom is just an annoying little man who doesn’t have enough respect for his father to listen and discuss, rather than just railroad.


Con Lives!

And isn’t Peggy delighted about it.

On the one hand – Peggy is still married – on the other hand, it’s lovely to hear Peggy so happy and excited about something that’s just about her.

Might be good for all concerned?

[Peggy] “Thought [Con] was very gracious asking about jack”

especially as last time Con and Jack met, it was

[Peggy] “Like two stags sizing each other up”

Though as Peggy put it,

[Peggy] “How trivial that all seems now”

Either way, Con is very much alive and seems just as delighted to hear from Peggy.

He has a daughter Belinda, son Danny and granddaughter Amanda.

Peggy also thinks Con still has his sense of humour. Though I’d doubt he still had his own teeth.


Robert’s making funny sounds

Oh tee-hee Mr Snell!

In charge of the Panto’s sound effects, he’s having a grand old time to himself.

First a submarine sound effect

[“for when the rats dive away from the cook”]

then a ‘boing’ sound

[“King rat bouncing in the cooking pot”]

and finally a bit of a Pyscho soundtrack sounding sound

[“the littlest rat getting caught in the door”]

While Robert and Harry were having a right old titter at the sound effects, Lynda:

“If I hear one more raspberry or comic boing tonight, I will not be answerable”

At which point Robert ceases his schoolboy behaviour, and heads off to the pub.

Leaving Harry to sweet talk Lynda

(I kid you not!)




Harry and Lynda up a tree?

Harry is either trying to butter Lynda up for a swindle, or he genuinely adores her:

[Harry] “I can see how important you are to the village … you make things happen … life would be a lot duller … you deserve all the support you can get”

Oh Harry.

Sorry to be super critical, but I really can’t work you out.

What is Harry’s Game?!?


Ah, that’s why Lynda is so …

… extreme about the Panto.

Lynda reckons she was shy when young, (the wee poppet even got teased for being so quiet) but her head teacher (Miss Baxter)

[Lynda] “saw something in me no-one else did”

and casted her as Gerda in the snow queen. And that was:

[Lynda] “the best thing ever happened to me … I felt special”

So, Lynda is so focused on the Panto because she wants everyone else to have that feeling.

I do like Lynda. She’s just not the one dimensional obsessive she often makes herself out to be.


Ruairi has his bottom pinched

By the rather cheeky Molly Button.

Keep your eye on those two (but give it another 10 years for it to get properly interesting)


Vicky is not an ingénue

So says Lynda.

Honestly, Lynda and Vicky are the worst friends ever!

Vicky stabs Lynda in the back over the Peregrines – now Lynda is merrily slagging Vicky off when Vicky had actually stepped in to help Lynda out.

Still bereft of an Alice Fitzwarren for the Panton, Vicky read the part during rehearsals.

Not impressed by Vicky’s giggling and waving to Mike, Lynda is becoming increasing desperate to cast her leading lady.


I want to see Nathan’s Bruce Forsyth

Especially if he has managed to make Bruce seem more like Maureen Lipman.


At last … someone realises Fallon can sing!

Ah, we can always depend on Clarrie to speak sense.

And the penny finally drops for Lynda.

Trying the idea out on Jolene, Lynda realises that while it is probably too busy a time at The Bull for Fallon to take a full part in the Panto, she could always get Fallon to record the backing music.

Didn’t Vicky suggest that weeks ago?

The Archers Fri 5th Nov 2010: Bonfire Night

The Archers: Caroline gets a cold back at bonfires … Kenton isn’t having any luck … Jolene’s up and down … Sabrina can’t play the part

• Bit of a damp squib
• Caroline’s back in the thick of it
• A double-dip-depression for Jolene?
• Helen is playing with pool boys …
• Aren’t we ever going to hear from Reece?
• Harry likes it safe
• Kathy and Kenton avoid each other
• Jamie avoids Kenton
• Sabrina reads Alice
• “You stick around Kenton archer – you’ll get plenty of chances to pay me back”

Bit of a damp squib

(and that’s the first time I’ve used that phrase in near perfect context! Maybe because I only learnt that it wasn’t ‘squid’ just a few months ago …)

I thought that Ambridge’s bonfire night was a very dull event indeed.

Maybe that was inevitable due to thoughts of Sid, but it definitely did not go off with a ‘bang’.



Caroline’s back in the thick of it

Nice to Caroline back (well, at least talking).

Her Uncle (Lord Netherborne) still isn’t in good shape, though it sounds like his pride is more hurt than his body.

I do wonder where all of this is going.

Is Lord Netherborne about to pop his clogs and leave Caroline some treasures?

Caroline has also managed to get herself tasked with getting more sponsorship for the Race Evening (with Grey Gables already sponsoring one of the races). And she’s having to chase Jolene for the catering.



A double-dip-depression for Jolene?

As Caroline was chasing Jolene for a quote (for the Race Evening), Jolene did sound rather vacant again.

She did perk up later, when Bonfire night was in full swing, but once again dipped when she needed to go upstairs (while forgetting half of Caroline’s order to Fallon).
Yet, Jolene sounded a bit sad, but not morose, when she was later talking to Kenton about how she was feeling.

Up and down. Down. Up. Slightly down. Slightly up.

I just hope the Up phases become more and more regular.

Kenton nailed it when he said:

“The first year is twelve months of firsts”

And Jolene did have a point that she is having to mourn in public.

Bets on for Jolene having a sad or happy Christmas day?


Helen is playing with pool boys …

I know. Caroline meant ‘buoys’ rather than boys, but I couldn’t resist.

After hurting her knee, Helen has decamped from the gym to Grey Gables to take up swimming.
And yet again – Helen’s not taking it gently.

Despite Caroline reckoning that:

“being pregnant suits Helen”,

Caroline was also telling Kathy that Helen was in the pool with

“hand paddles and floats and pool buoys … you’d think she was in training for a competition!”

As Kathy then said:

“Helen doesn’t do anything by half”

I’ve said it before, but Pat is quite right to be worried. For both Helen and her baby’s sake.


Aren’t we ever going to hear from Rhys?

I feel quite sorry for that Rhys.

He’s seemingly “quite a find” and is “really keen”, but yet he’s not allowed to talk.


Harry likes it safe

Course he does. Would we expect Harry to want a wild and dangerous time – even if was just a few sparklers being waved with jolly abandon?

Nope. He much prefers all health and safety boxes to be ticked.

Slow and steady wins the race?

Question is, what race is Harry in?


Kathy and Kenton avoid each other

Phew!

When I heard Kathy at the Bonfire night, it gave me a deep concern that she and Kenton would resume shouting.

But hurrah! They completely ignored each other.

Marvellous.

I have been worried that Kenton’s recent burst of helpfulness had something to do with wanting to impress Kathy, but now I think it’s Jamie he wants to impress.

And he sounded sincere when he said:

“Grown apart and split … that must have been because the cracks were there from the beginning … we were like chalk and cheese”

Phew. Glad that’s all over!


Jamie avoids Kenton

I still think it’s too little from Kenton – but I do feel a bit sorry for him.

Jamie can’t stand for Kenton to even talk to him at the moment. He dropped all enthusiasm for the fireworks when Kenton came over, and rushed away the second he spotted his mates.

(by-the-by, is it a good idea for Jamie to still be hanging around with Marty? I suppose there’s not a lot Kathy could do to really stop him).

Even Kenton mentioning that:

“Josh recommends the cinder toffee”

Didn’t get Jamie’s attention.

On chatting to Jolene later on, Kenton says that he’s determined to not give up on Jamie:

“My biggest regret is Jamie – I don’t think he wants anything to do with me … this time, it was because life got in the way … I want to be a positive presence in his life”

(so I assume Kenton is feeling that he’s not going to let Jamie be another Meriel)



Sabrina reads Alice

Which neither Sabrina nor the rest of the cast were happy about.

When it got to the singing bit, Sabrina sounded like:

“A chicken being put through a mangle”

Come on Fallon. Get in there!

You can sing, and you’ll get to be Harry’s love interest. If only when he’s acting …



“You stick around Kenton archer – you’ll get plenty of chances to pay me back”

What on earth did Jolene mean by that?

Answers on the back of a beer mat, please.

The Archers Thurs 4th Nov 2010: Jazzer goes to a supermarket

The Archers: Jazzer goes shopping … Josh and Ben, ‘Penny for the Guy’ … Lynda’s getting to the end of her Panton casting

• Jazzer doesn’t ‘get’ supermarkets
• “The lessor spotted Scots pigman in a supermarket”
• Proof that the BBC does not ‘make’ the archers
• Josh pimps Ben out
• Bert came third
• David gets railroaded
• Harry is not impressed
• Harry is keen to be a girl
• “Fill one hole, and another takes it place”
• “You big girl … on yer bike!”
• Why is Kenton being so helpful?
• The Panto Cast (so far) # 3

Jazzer doesn’t ‘get’ supermarkets

I think most of us can agree with Jazzer to one extent or another, but I’m finding it really hard to believe his claim that this was only the second time he’s been in charge of a trolley.

“Last time was selling dodgy video games door to door”

Mind you, maybe he meant he has been to a supermarket before, but he just used a basket. Or one of his many women to push his trolley, including his mum.

[Jazzer] “What’s the point of charging round a supermarket to queue up to buy stuff that you’ve got to spend hoors mucking about wae before you can eat it?”

[Jazzer] “They do great pies at the bull, or there’s the chippy van that does kebabs for a bit of variety – or the Indian and Chinese for a takeaway”

Ruth was left bemused at Jazzer’s indignation at having to buy, prepare and cook meals from scratch, as he marched off to persuade one of his wee lassies to let him buy his trolley load at the basket checkout. (well I never!)

I share Harry’s confusion at how Jazzer can treat his body so badly yet manage to pack in quite a busy day of work.

When’s it all going to catch up with him?



“The lessor spotted Scots pigman in a supermarket”

Ah, very drole Kenton (though it did make me chuckle!).

Kenton also spotted that Jazzer had chicken nuggets in his trolley, rightly then pointing out that it’s not exactly typical Harry nourishment.

Unless you can buy organic, free range, preservative/additive/colouring free chicken nuggets.



Proof that the BBC does not ‘make’ the archers

Jazzer was mentioning to Ruth his shock and horror of seeing Pip behind the wheel of a car. She seemingly nearly ran him off the road, being

“Faster than the Stig”

Would the BBC make mention of The Stig considering recent developments?

I think not.

(but then again, the more cynical amongst us might notice that Top Gear is building up to a new Stig and, if the BBC does make The Archers, Jazzer’s mention was some sort of publicity stunt. Hmmmmm)


Josh pimps Ben out

In an effort to get more ‘pennies for the guy’, Josh plonked Ben and The Guy in one spot, then hid round the corner.

With Ben just a wee young chap, they made a fortune!

Ruth and David didn’t seem to quite approve, but it shows a bit of cunning and could bode well for future sales at Brookfield.

I still think Pip can’t assume she’ll be the one to take over the family farm.


Bert came third

Despite Bert’s main competition being out of the running, Bert only came third in the overall ploughing championship.

Still, David and Ruth thinks is still a great result.

Good on you Bert.


David gets railroaded

You have to admire Lynda’s political manoeuvrings.

If she wants someone to do something, she’ll find a way of getting them to do it.

First she sets Vicky onto Mike (Mike gave in and is now in the Panto), now she sets herself onto David.

[Lynda] “I thought you might make it a family affair … pick up and drop off [Ben and Josh to rehearsals) anyway …what else could you do in such a short space of time?”

David’s poor attempt at saying he was too busy didn’t work. NFU paperwork was never going to be a good enough excuse for Lynda.

[David] “Oh good grief – why is it I can never say no to that woman?!?”

Never mind David. It’ll be a great laugh. Maybe at you, rather than with you …



Harry is not impressed

Harry gets home to find Jazzer has done the food shopping, but that he hasn’t put it away. The phone went, which helped Jazzer to forget about it.

What’s worse, Jazzer also hasn’t done a great job of the actual shopping.

[Harry] “Frozen pizzas … there’s a lot of crisps here”

[Jazzer] “You can never have too many potato backed snacks”

[Harry] “Processed meat …!”

[Jazzer] “Oh, this is great. My mum used to get it in tins and slice it up and fry it, but this is already sliced and battered. Genius or what!”

[Harry] “When I said get the 5 main food groups, I didn’t mean alcohol, chocolate, crisps, biscuits and cola …what about the fruit?”

[Jazzer] “It seemed a bit pricey … so I got blackcurrant cordial”

Jazzer then has to admit that he didn’t have the shopping list with him as he’d earlier used it to leave his mobile number for a “really fit bird”. As Jazzer said, maybe he should get some cards done …

Jazzer also didn’t get bleach because Harry is already blonde (so thought it must have been a mistake), and has invited in amazing chips which cook in seconds.

Despite all of that, Harry still didn’t even blow a fuse at Jazzer. He just left the flat to get to the Panto rehearsals half an hour early.

Come on Harry. As much as I like our Jazzer, he’s taking the utter rip out of you!



Harry is keen to be a girl

After escaping Jazzer by going early to rehearsals, Harry is found practising his lines by Lynda.

As she hears him read his lines as well as Dick’s, she has a light bulb moment, and offers Harry the part of Dick.

[Harry] “It’s meant to be played by a girl”

[Lynda] “Rules are meant for breaking – the secret to true creativity is flexibility”

And does Harry just jump at the chance! Good on him for stopping Lynda stalking every young woman in Ambridge. Even though she now had to recast Idle Jack:

But his eagerness with a bit off-putting.

There’s obviously nothing wrong with a bloke playing a bloke who should be played by a girl – but it’s yet another instance of Harry being overtly keen to get involved.

What is Harry all about?



“Fill one hole, and another takes it place”

So says Lynda, after casting Harry as Dick – which leaves no-one playing Idle Jack.

But yet again, Harry is a one-stop wonder.

“You really are riding to my rescue tonight”

Harry has an idea of how he can ask to be Idle Jack, which leads to …


“You big girl … on yer bike!”

I’m not sure why Harry thought Jazzer would be open to being in the Panto again, but it certainly wasn’t a good idea to try and make out that Jazzer should do it to make up for the disastrous shopping trip

[Harry] “I’m prepared to forget about the shopping incident …”

[Jazzer] “ Ah, very friendly oh ye pal … cheers”

[Harry] “… will you take my own part [Idle Jack]?”

[Jazzer] “Is this a wind up? Are you calling me idle because I forget your hair bleach, you big girl! On yer bike!”

Well, I suppose it was worth a shot.

It’s a shame, really. It’d be nice for Jazzer to have a wee singing part (after his extraordinary performance at Ambridge Has Talent).



Why is Kenton being so helpful?

The folks at The Bull can’t move for Kenton offering to help out.

This time, he’s bought well over £200 worth of fireworks for Bonfire night.

Even David is pleasantly surprised,

Kenton claims he just wants to “contribute”, and wants to make:

“an effort because it’s the first one without Sid, for Jolene and Fallon's sake … we should do him proud.”

Sorry? He’s doing all of this to make Sid proud?

That’s rubbish. They were hardly the best of pals when Sid was alive.

And doing it for Fallon and Jolene – that’s also rubbish. Friendly acquaintances yes, but hardly bosom buddies.

Surely this all has to be to impress Jamie.

Or Kathy???




The Panto Cast (so far) # 3

Jill: fairy beau bells

Vicky: Mrs Fitzwarren

Sabrina: Whittington’s cat

Nigel: Sarah the Cook (The Dame)

Harry: Dick Whittington

Richard Thwaite: King Rat

Nathan Booth: Rate Henchman 1

Eddie: Rat Henchman 2

Ben: little rat

Jim: The Imperial Majesty

David: Captain

Josh: First Mate

Robert and Neil constructing the sets

Daniel is helping with set and lighting

Mike: Mr Fitzwilliam

Which I think just leaves a lack of an Idle Jack and Alice.

Surely Lynda can now offer Eddie the part of Idle Jack.

And Alice – Fallon would jump at the chance to play across from Harry …

The Archers Wed 3rd Nov 2010: Lynda runs out of ideas!

The Archers: ‘customer service representatives’ of the world unite … Mike gets railroaded … Pat and Kathy go shopping .. Tony is still in a grump … Helen has twisted her knee … Shula doesn’t approve

• “The bare faced cheek of some people”
• Mike is still saying no
• Tony doesn’t have a pre-cooler
• Helen needs to realign her knee cap
• Lord Netherborne has had a fall
• Jim and Shula disagree yet again
• Mike say yes!
• “Cherry red suits either a boy or a girl”
• Ambridge has to be shamed into buying poppies
• Actually, Pat is right to be worried
• “Could bring those two giggly girls from Grand Spinney”

[Lynda] “The bare faced cheek of some people”

[Vicky] “Some people want bells on it, don’t they!”

[Lynda] “She’s the type that takes all the toiletries home”

And there, my friends, speaks the true voice of those of us who have to work with customers.

It’s also true with waiters.

Never, ever, be anything other than polite to them.


Mike is still saying no

And so is Kirsty.

But a determined Lynda sets Vicky back onto Mike again.

And we all know what happens when Vicky wants Mike to do something …




Tony doesn’t have a pre-cooler

Which he seemingly should have on his bulk tank. Which sounded like something to do with milking cows.

And of course, it’s all Tom’s fault.

Not because he forgot to buy a pre-cooler, or was in sole charge of the bulk tank – but because they’d never have noticed that they were bereft of a pre-cooler is Tom hadn’t been undertaking:

[Tony] “that blessed energy audit!”

Do we think Tony is transferring his anger/confusion/terror about Helen’s pregnancy onto Tom?


Helen needs to realign her knee cap

Ouch!

Penny Sansom (who looked at Helen’s knee, is seemingly very good, and does the same great job for the County’s cricket team) has confirmed that Helen’s knee is twisted.

Helen now has leg exercises to do,

But. To her absolute horror, she also has to give up step and aerobics.

Blimey.

Surely just carrying around that baby is enough? Maybe with a gentle stroll once in a while?!?


Lord Netherborne has had a fall

So Caroline has rushed off to nurse him.

Caroline and Oliver have been very quiet of late.

is that the call of inheritance …???



Jim and Shula disagree yet again

On the subject of Lord Netherborne,

“I hope he fares better at the hands of his niece than I did with my daughter-in-law”

Jim still hasn’t forgiven Shula for her treatment of him when he broke his leg.

Those two are destined to forever rub each other up the wrong way.

Most of it was before my time – but I do know that Shula was the lady to like back in the day.

Did that really all end when Mark was killed?

Anyway, Shula is now the lady to disapprove of anything remotely a bit edgy. In fact, she disapproves of even the most seemingly innocuous things.

Shula doesn’t want to get involved with Jim’s Race Evening. Even though it was supposed to be in aid of St Stephen’s.

Jim reckons it’s because Shula disapproves of gambling at a charity event. But has Shula been back to Ste Stephen’s since she fell out with Alan over Usha’s religious statue?

But, Shula isn’t the only one to approve of gambling in aid of the church. So Jim has had to change it into a fundraiser for the British Legion. And the race evening is taking place mid-week, after the Brownies.

How completely inoffensive could it get?

Even then, Shula still not in favour. Maybe it doesn’t help that there’s a bar (which Vicky is most happy about).

[Jim] “The way some of her ilk have been going on – you’d think I’d suggested a barn dance in the graveyard”

At which, Lynda gives a sudden gasp.

It isn’t in horror at the thought of dancing on graves, it’s because she an idea which will make a certain man do her bidding …


Mike say yes

Oh, Mike said yes!

Poor man didn’t stand a chance.

When Lynda had her brainwave to include a dance number, he couldn’t say anything other than ‘yes’ to being in the panto.

I think we’d all do the same if we had Vicky snapping at our heels.

Mike could hardly refuse a dance with his (still fairly new) wife. And it is probably easier to give in when you actually have to live with Vicky.



“Cherry red suits either a boy or a girl”

So says Helen. So it must be so.

As Pat is out shopping with Kathy, she spots a baby jumpsuit for Helen’s baby.

Thank goodness at least one of Helen’s family is now genuinely happy for her, and excited about her baby.



Ambridge has to be shamed into buying poppies

What on earth? How very dare Ambridge not behave and do exactly as a respectable English village should.

Go on Jim. Put those poppies next to the till in the Village Shop. Shame them all!


Actually, Pat is right to be worried

I thought Pat might have just been being hyper-sensitive to Helen and her eating habits because it is Helen … and eating.

But, I think she might have a point.

Helen is utterly obsessed with calories and exercise.

She wouldn’t entertain a jacket potato to go with her stir fry ( a stir fry she’d already made and eaten for lunch, didn’t finish, and was going to reheat again for her tea).

And because she can’t do all the exercise she wants to (due to her twisted ankle), Helen reckons:

“I’ll have to eat less now that I’m not burning off the calories”

Now that is worrying.

It would seem that as Helen’s baby is growing inside her body, she’s doing her best to minimise her body growing.

That can’t be good for either mum or baby.




“Could bring those two giggly girls from Grand Spinney”

Lynda is getting desperate for her leading ladies.

In her desperation, she even suggests to Vicky that she could:

“Cut the songs and offer the part to Sabrina”

[Vicky] “You’d have a mutiny on your hands!”

Apart from it being Sabrina that would cause the mutiny, Vicky quite rightly asks:

“What sort of panto would it be if the main character didn't sing?”

Dismissing Vicky’s suggestion that Sabrina could just mime, Lynda realises that she’s fast running out of options.

However, despite her desperation, Lynda simply won’t audition “unknowns”.

The very idea! How would we cope with folks we don’t know being in the panto? I mean, there could even be ones not from Ambridge.

The very idea!

Lynda also cuts down her options by also ruling out offering parts to Felpersham Light Opera Society.

That would offend Tristran Hawkshaw. Who both Lynda and Vicky agree is:

“Larry Lovell’s’ mini me”

(eh? Who he???)

Fallon is also not an option as she has so much to deal with (damn it! I have £10 on her)

“I’m usually such a creative problem solver, but I really have run out of ideas”

Oh, the gods do weep.

Come on Lyndee!

The Archers Tues 2nd November 2010: Helen tells Emma how to have a baby

The Archers: Will isn’t a fan of dog walkers … Will and Eddie argue ... Helen instructs Emma ... Lilian annoys Brian

• Do we think Will was polite?
• Helen cured Emma’s morning sickness
• Young Farmer’s Ball: The Bloodbath
• Helen won’t be going to The Ball
• Lilian surveys her domain
• “You pillock!” …. “LOSER!!!”
• “She means well”
• “I’m all in favour of cutting out the fags and drink … but .. well …”

Do we think Will was polite?

Brian didn’t quite believe it, and neither do I.

Does anyone think Will told those dog walkers to keep their dogs on the lead in a polite manner?

Course not.

Cast your mind back to last year’s shoot, when Will was quite rude to a customer.

He’s not one to use subtlety, and I doubt he’s ever been on a customer care course.

I think Brian’s onto an utter loss trying to teach Will about ‘word of mouth’.

With Brian placing such a huge emphasis on the forthcoming shoot (bookings are down, so they need to impress those who do spend their money with them), I think Will is about to create huge problems for himself.

What a short fuse …


Helen cured Emma’s morning sickness

Or so Emma thinks Helen thinks she did (!).

Poor Emma is being plagued by a rather enthusiastic and very knowledgeable Helen.

Emma shouldn’t be surprised that Helen doesn’t register the fact that Emma has already had a child. She was just as quick to dismiss Kathy and Pat’s advice.

Still, Helen does have her uses. With that cream, I’m sure Emma will be delighted to have fewer stress marks.

I did feel sorry for Emma as she got lost amongst all of Helen’s rather rigid plans for how her baby is going to be born.

Helen has a birth plan, involving low lighting, music and a water birth. Helen isn’t going to have painkillers. She’s going to get a Tens Machine (which is seemingly a Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulator. So there!).

Hiring a tens machine

Emma is just going to give birth.

[Emma] “Mind you, it’s worth keeping your options open …’til you’ve been there, you don’t know how painful it’s going to be”

[Helen] “I a high pain threshold”

Helen really doesn’t want to hear that her giving birth isn’t going to be anything other than as she’s perfectly planned.

“It often goes different to what you’d expect”

Oh dear Emma. It’s probably best that you don’t burst Helen’s deeply considered and constructed bubble.



Young Farmer’s Ball: The Bloodbath

Emma bought tickets from Pip for her and Ed.

On checking Clarrie to see if she can babysit, she finds out that Will and Nic have already nabbed her to babysit for them.

Because they’re both also going to the Ball.

Booze plus Will and Ed in the same room.

Oh dear. Oh dearie, dearie me.


Helen won’t be going to The Ball.

Helen almost ‘guffawed’ when Emma asked her if she was going:

“No … not me!”

If Emma really knew Helen, she’d know that Helen’s perfect night is one spent in her flat, with wine (well, not now), chocolate (hmm, not now) and a DVD (that’s got to still be okay?!?).

The last time Helen had a proper night out was when she met Leon. Poor lass has been well and truly scared back into her flat.

At least pushing the baby’s buggy will get her out (though I still think a dog would have sufficed).


Lilian surveys her domain

Brian’s getting irritated with Lilian. And that’s even before they have their first board meeting.

Taking Lilian round the site for the mart, he’s annoyed she wants to stop to take pictures. Astounded she wants to use a Dictaphone. And a tad put out that she only wants the board on “neutral ground”.

Never mind Brian.

With Annabelle, Martin and Andrew also on the board, Lilian’s “darlings” are going to sound increasingly desperate.


“You pillock” …. “LOSER”

Ah. The Grundy boys are being as eloquent as ever.

This time, Will’s blocking the lane while he’s working. Ed needs to get by. Last time it was Ed blocking the lane. Will was trying to get by.

Will seems to have forgotten that he was an arse to Ed when his cows were on the road. And Ed has forgotten how furious he was with Will when he was being an arse when his cows were on the road.

[Will] “You pillock – I’ve got birds round here … I’m not going to stop what I’m doing cause of some idiot revving …have a bit of patience”

[Will, on Ed saying he was busy so had to get by] “Oh … well, inside I’m crying”

[Ed] “If you don’t move it, you will be crying!”

[Will] “Your cows make a right mess up here – clean up after them”

[Ed] “Are you feeling alright … LOSER!”

Ed than later said to Emma:

“It’s the expression it does … it gets me mad before he even opens his mouth”

Who was it said that blood is thicker than women?!?


“She means well”

And that’s the dichotomy that is our Ed Grundy.

He can generally find the good in folks, but absolutely not his own brother.

[Emma on Helen] “She really needs to chill out”

[Ed] “She means well”

[Emma] “I tried to tell her – but she’s got it all under control”

[Ed] “That baby won’t dare give her a hard time!”

And Ed also shows why Emma chose the right brother (in the end)

“The mother of my baby … you’d look gorgeous in an old feed sack”

Aw. Bless ya.


“I’m all in favour of cutting out the fags and drink … but .. well …”

Isn’t it fascinating when two extremes clash.

There’s Lilian managing to just about understand than an expectant mother shouldn’t smoke or drink (“there days”) – and in the other corner, it’s Helen doing step aerobics while pregnant.

Helen’s knee isn’t in great shape, due to a fall she took during one of her many exercise routines.

Lilian’s right to be a bit concerned.

There’s being fit and healthy, and there’s being obsessive.

But where else would we expect Helen to sit on that spectrum.

The Archers Mon 1st Nov 2010: The discovery of Race Evenings

The Archers: Bridge Farm uses too much electricity … The Village Shop’s cabbages are looking past their prime … Hilary Noakes’ magazine is missing … Jim’s fundraising … Lynda still has Panto casting problems … Tom’s not helping … Tony still doesn’t want to be a granddad

• “You can’t always trust averages”
• Jim “whizzed” through the videos
• “Did Mr Wilder or Alfred Hitchcock have the same problems …”
• Jim’s extensive research
• “The erudite contacts one make”
• Tom tells Pip “not to bother”
• Watch out David, there’s a Lynda about
• Helen’s blooming
• But Helen’s baby is already kicking out against her

“You can’t always trust averages”

Is Tony ever positive or happy about anything these days?

Tom’s trying to save the family farm some money, yet Tony’s immediate reaction is akin to ‘pah!’ – then, when he realises Tom will do all the work to sort out energy use savings – it’s “go fill your boots”.

Looks like we’re in for a lot of Bridge Farm tussles leading up to Tony’s retirement.


Jim “whizzed” through the videos

But didn’t find anything unsavoury.

From the box that Alan was gifted, it seems that there’s lots of classic films (Lynda seemingly adores ‘Some Like It Hot), and also some rather off videos of horse races.

“Curiouser and curiouser”, said Lynda

Seemingly, the horse races are of privately run races which no-one knows the outcome of, so that people can run race evenings.

(it took me a while to get it – but I think it means they can run the race, then later show it an event where everyone can gamble on the race without it being run in front of them).

And it’s all given Jim a bit of an idea.

He’s going to put on a race evening in aid of St Stephens.

That sounds like a good idea. There surely couldn’t be any problems arising from such a simple, altruistic idea.

Could there?



“Did Mr Wilder or Alfred Hitchcock have the same problems …”

Well, no.

No director has ever had the same hoo-ha with casting as Lynda does.

She needs to find a young woman who can sing AND dance.

Phew. That’s a fairly tall order indeed.

But I really can’t help thinking that Lynda should be well ‘rehearsed’ in the rather mixed bag of fortunes that is the Christmas panto.

She’s a woman who gets a shock from something she is fully aware of beforehand.


Jim’s extensive research

True to form, Jim’s thrown himself into his panto part of Imperial Majesty.

He’s seemingly undertaking:

“extensive research into 14th century japan where the Emperor Godiva [hmmm – not sure I got that name right. Sorry Jim!] was briefly restored into power”

Boy oh boy. The Panto is shaping up to be a real educational night out for the whole family.

We just need a full cast.


“The erudite contacts one makes”

Which one of the reasons Jim rates higher education.

“Learn for learning’s sake … enriching one’s life simply by the acquisition of knowledge”

As Tom pointed out, the days of free education and a job for life are well and truly history.

As much as I loathe disagreeing with Tom’s Sausages, he does have a point that maybe the young ‘uns of today have to be a tad more practical when it comes to a livelihood.


Tom tells Pip “not to bother”

How very astute and helpful of you Tom!

Pip’s umming about whether to go to College or Uni, so Tom sticks his oar in by suggesting she just forgets both.

His great plan is for Pip to go straight into farming at Brookfield. If they can afford to it going to pay her.

Tom does have a point that it costs a fair amount of money (translated into debt) to get an education these days, but surely he should be encouraging Pip to look at all options, rather than tell her what’s what.

David and Ruth aren’t going to be too chuffed when they hear cousin Tom’s advice to their wee lass …

I also think there’s no certainty that Pip will be able to make a living at Brookfield. There’s the rather eager young farmer Josh to also think about (and we haven’t even started in Ben as yet!)



Watch out David, there’s a Lynda about

Very dangerous.

Lynda. At Panto time. With a half casted cast.

“I have the ideal part of David Archer … he’s perfectly adequate … he can be the ship’s captain to Josh's best mate … he has to bring josh and ben to rehearsal anyway”

Oh dear.

That’ll be David in the Panto then, whether he wants to or not. Even if he’s just ‘adequate’.


Helen’s blooming

And looking great, according to Kenton.

Helen is also overjoyed to have a new ‘stretch mark oil’ in Ambridge Organics.

My word. The detail that woman gets down to.



But Helen’s baby is already kicking out against her

Well, that didn’t take long.

I was expecting at least another 12 years before Helen’s kid started to try and loosen the bonds that bind.

Helen’s obviously delighted that her baby is well and fighting fit.

And so is Pat.

But Tony still hasn’t succumbed.

[Helen] “Dad, don’t you want to feel the baby?”

[Tony] “ No … you finish their lunch”

Giving a rubbish excuse about not wanting to put his hands on Helen’s stomach because women must get fed up with their stomach’s being felt, Tony still isn’t having anything to do with Helen’s solo motherhood’s efforts.

And there was me thinking that Helen’s baby kicking would melt Tony’s heart.

What’s it going to take?