The Archers Tuesday 23rd August 2011: Bad letter day and money woes

• Eddie’s still cheerful
• Bridge Farm to go bankrupt?
• Is Elona a bad ‘un?
• Good letter day for Archers, bad for Grundys
• … not so fast … turns out it is actually bad letter day for the Archers

Eddie’s still cheerful

I’ve been quite critical of Eddie of late – but he is still keeping a grin on while all others round him are in puddles of depression.

He’s also shouldering the responsibility of trying to make up for the loss of Clarrie’s Bridge Farm wages. Clarrie’s worried he’s working too much, but he isn’t complaining.

Good chap.

Bridge Farm to go bankrupt?

I’m wondering if Pat, Tony and co will have to live through the Grundy experience of losing their farm.
Bridge Farm’s cash flow is increasingly knackered – with Pat and Tony worried about how they’ll make the mortgage payment.

[Tony] “As long as we can ride it out for the next few months, people will start drifting back … Tom might get some sales further afield …”

[Pat] “I think they’re whistling in the dark, him and Brenda. I think those new markets just don’t exist”

I’m with Pat. Banking on Tom and Brenda saving the day wouldn’t be a good bet.

Surely Peggy, Lilian and Jennifer won’t let Tony become homeless?

What would he do without a yard for his yard tractor?

Is Elona a bad ‘un?

She hasn’t done anything to suggest she is so far – in fact, the exact opposite.

And it is Peggy who is doing all of the suggesting. Also nothing wrong with Peggy offering Elona two days a week work with her. Peggy needs the (non-family) help.

But – but suspicious that Elona said that even two extra days work wouldn’t be enough for her to afford No.3 The Green’s rent. Mainly because it then led to Peggy offering Elona the deposit for the flat.

Is Elona betting on Peggy being so generous?

[Elona] “Give me your hand … I never thought to meet such a kind lady as you … but I cannot … I could not afford the rent and I could never be able to save enough to repay the loan”

Hmmm.

Wonder is Elona angling?

Good letter day for Archers, bad for Grundys

Clarrie calls Eddie in a panic, while he’s working at the (old) Mart.

She’s received a letter from Environmental Health, but she can’t “work it out”.

She’s confused as it says:

[Clarrie] “… I may have caused contamination to the ice cream”

It’s the word “may” that she’s not sure about. Could it mean that there’s a chance she isn’t to blame?

Bless Eddie. He offers to get Will and Nic to collect the letter, and drive it to him at the Mart. David’s there, and he can help interpret.

But alas – it’s not good news. David reckons the letter says that it’s 99.9% certain that Clarrie was to blame.

Though Eddie reckons that’s what done is done (and the kids in hospital will get better … no mention of the adults, note), Clarrie’s not so sure. How is she going to get another job with all of this on her record???

However – good letter day for the Archers (Bridge Farm clan).

Environmental Health isn’t going to prosecute. They’re only going to do checks every 6 months. Pat and Tony also clearly read the letter to say that:

[Pat] “ it does seem to be Clarrie that was responsible”

… not so fast … turns out it is actually bad letter day for the Archers

Poor Pat and Tony don’t even have time to let the good news from Environmental Health sink in … there’s more than one letter in the post.

The other letter is from Underwoods. It says that due to the “extra emergency product withdrawal charge”, they want £10,000 from Bridge Farm.

And that £10,000 won’t be covered under Pat and Tony’s insurance.

Oh balls!

The Archers Monday 22nd August 2011: Pat shouts at Brenda

• Susan’s not amused at Brian
• Brenda is back
• Still nothing happening at the Mart site
• Why Pip’s ideas are flawed
• Alice is also at it
• Environmental Health keep visiting
• So what’s Brenda’s fantastic new idea?
• … Pat is livid!

Susan’s not amused at Brian

[Susan] “He could have out his money where his mouth is … him and Alice are far too proud … you’d have thought Brian would have offered … people with money always … always, maybe, forget what a struggle it is …”

Susan was saying all of this to Pat, so had to try and backtrack towards the end as she realised that she was being slightly negative about folks with money …i.e. lots of the Archer clan … and possibly also because Pat is married to Tony, who is brother to Jennifer, who is married to Brian …

Whoops.

I reckon Susan should shush. She should be proud that Chris and Alice are managing this on their tod.

Still nothing happening at the Mart site

Brian is not best pleased.


Brenda is back

She hasn’t really been anywhere – just away from the hidden microphones – but she is already talking nonsense.

She’s annoyed that she spends time at work: “dealing with time wasters” who just want a nosy at Amside’s properties rather than to buy them.

She’s annoyed that Pip “bombarded” Helen with ideas for the Bridge Farm website. Even though the website does now look better.

Her pride is ever so slightly damaged. A job not related to her degree, and now a farm lass talking her language.

[Brenda] “But really, I’m the one with the marketing degree!”

And with perfect timing – Pip calls round to Tom and Brenda’s to talk more marketing.

Perfect (comedy value).

Why Pip’s ideas are flawed

She wants Bridge Farm to use Twitter to create a ‘club’.

But, as Tom pointed out, they don’t have the capacity to manage a full-on Twitter account.

And Pip is simply oblivious.

To Brenda’s:

[Brenda] “I don’t want to take up more of your time … I do know most of this stuff”

Pip didn’t twig that Brenda wanted her to F off.

Client relations – that’s half the battle if you want to get them to take your ideas seriously, Pip.

Alice is also at it

She’s also trying to maximise sales.

She wants to also sell scones, and chocolate dipped strawberries.

Well, at least it’s a real idea/product – unlike Pip’s idea of making the E. coli negativity go away just by using Twitter …


Environmental Health keep visiting

Which is really annoying Pat.

They turn up at least once a week, whenever they want to, without warning.

So, when Susan drops some yoghurt just as they are visiting, Pat is not as rational as one would normally expect of her.

So what’s Brenda’s fantastic new idea?

After all the fuss about Pip stepping into her area of expertise, Brenda sucks it up and reveals her wonderful idea to help solve Bridge Farm’s problems.

Customer testimonials.

On their website.

Which, Brenda acknowledges, was actually Pip’s idea …

Pat is not amused, infact …

… Pat is livid!

[Pat] “Oh for goodness sake Brenda! Wake up .. .what’s the point! This business is losing money hand over fist and all you and Tom can do is mess about on the website. All you’re doing is just tinkering on the edges, a complete waste of time”

So Brenda has a weep – Tom comforts her – and blames Pat’s outburst as Pat being on a knife edge, possibly prosecuted, might not be able to pay the mortgage, being stressed and so on.

All of which is true.

But could it just be that Brenda really should just stick to making flyers?

The Archers Sunday 21st August 2011: Jennifer is not impressed by value brands

• The lady didn’t love milk tray …
• Jazzer doesn’t want to cook
• An anchovy, is an anchovy, is an anchovy
• Harry’s standards are slipping
• New excuses for why Alice shouldn’t have married Chris

The lady didn’t love milk tray …

… she loved milk tray.

Didn’t matter to Harry, though. He still did a James Bond trying to get Zofia some apples. But, he came a cropper when he fell out of the tree.

Scrumping, that’s what we used to call it.

Jazzer doesn’t want to cook

Jazzer calls Harry:

[Jazzer] “Whit time will you be hame? … half an hour? … I’m starving!”

But, Jazzer is right enough this time. The deal was that he’d buy the food (which he has done), and Harry would cook it.

Zofia better watch out. No woman can get in the way of Jazzer’s stomach and get away with it.

Jazzer dies crack on with the cooking (I imagine that was the only way he was going to get to eat), but strikes gold when he calls Alice to ask how to make onion gravy, and gets Jennifer.

Learn from the best, my friend.


An anchovy, is an anchovy, is an anchovy

[Jennifer] “Economising is one thing, Alice, but you shouldn’t compromise where food is concerned … you really ought to stick with the quality brand names”

[Alice] “It’s the same food, in a different tin under a different name”

[Jennifer] “Well, how can you possibly tell? I can’t even pronounce what it says on this tin, let alone understand what’s inside?”

[Alice] “I think the picture is a bit of a giveaway … If it looks like an anchovy, and quacks like an anchovy, then it is an anchovy”

Jennifer has spotted ‘value brand’ products in Alice’s, as she’s helping to cook for a celebratory lunch 9wuth the Carters – after Chris got his business loan approved).

Jennifer is, as per, being a snob – but Susan mistakes her rant as Jennifer agreeing that buying value products, and shopping at much-cheapness shops is a good idea.

[Susan] “And your mum's isn’t the only 4x4 in the car park, either”

Poor Jennifer couldn’t get a word in to reassert her need for high value brands only …

She’s only later able to say to Brian:

[Jennifer] “Personally, I’d rather stick to Underwoods food hall”

Harry’s standards are slipping

He hasn’t lived up to his agreement with Jazzer about the cooking.

He eats his dinner, at the table, in his dressing gown.

And he tells Jazzer to leave the dishes until he gets back from a night out. Before, he would have insisted they were done there and then.

Changed man, is our Harry.

New excuses for why Alice shouldn’t have married Chris

Jennifer is now worried that Alice will lose her house if Chris’ business goes wrong. And, that would mean strangers could end up buying it, and living on Home Farm.

Imagine!

Brian reckons all will be well, and that he’ll step in to buy the house if need be.

But, Jennifer still wishes Alice has married someone else. Of better standing. Class, And bank account. Brian doesn’t agree – where Jennifer sees poverty, he sees drive, initiative and the sense 9of Chris) to not try and go cap in hand to him.

I’m with Brian.

Chris is a good ‘un.

The Archers Friday 19th August: Pip suddenly becomes a marketing guru

• Matt likes Moroccan chickpea soup
• It’s okay to serve Ruth
• Would you get a plumber to fix your car?
• Buy from Bridge Farm!
• Big calf
• Pip’s worked it out
• Jennifer is sewing
• David still has an ego
• Helen isn’t an auld women!
• Lilian rips Brian a new one
• Good smelling food in Ruth’s kitchen shock!

Matt likes Moroccan chickpea soup

Who’d have thunk it!

So Lilian’s in buying more from Ambridge Organics.

It’s okay to serve Ruth

Reckons Lilian.

As she’s buying more soup for her Tiger, Ruth comes in to buy some stuff. So, Lilian graciously allows Helen to serve Ruth first.

(Helen’s back-at-work-but-not-really-back-at-work – needs must during a time of crisis!).

Would you get a plumber to fix your car?

Probably not. Unless he was a mechanic in a previous life.

So, why does Helen (and later Pip) reckon they can solve all of Bridge Farm’s woes by doing their own marketing?

If there was ever a need for an expert (with a proven track record – hear me, Brenda?), it’s now.

(and I do declare my interest – I’m a marketing consultant!).

Buy from Bridge Farm!

As well as both Lilian and Ruth buying other items from Ambridge Organics (Ruth’s in buying Pip a celebratory lunch, after getting her exam results yesterday) – both also buy vanilla ice cream.

Surely that’s what all the locals should be doing?

Big calf

And it’s her first one.

Ouch!

At least David and Pip are there to lend a hand.

Hope that involves some hefty painkillers.

Pip’s worked it out

That Clarrie might have something to do with the E. coli.

Has to be Clarrie, as why would they have chosen Susan over Clarrie to keep on at Bridge Farm?

Surely Pip can’t be the only one to have thought that one through?

Jennifer is sewing

The name tags into Ruairi’s schools clothes.

The glamorous life, indeed.

Mind you, she’s doing that while Ruairi and Ben play in Home Farm’s pool …

David still has an ego

Chatting about how they would have never sent their kids away to public school – Ruth and David are being smug about Pip doing well in her exams, and also having lots of energetic ideas about how to improve Brookfield’s profits.

[Ruth] “She’s her father’s daughter alright”

[David] “Yeah, she is”

Eh?

Surely David’s answer should have been that she actually takes after her mother?

Is he that much of an amateur when it comes to wifely relations?

Or is his ego just that big?


Helen isn’t an auld women!

Pip seems to think that because Adam mentioned her marketing ideas were okay, she now knows all and every!

She calls Helen to talk her through a marketing strategy.

Specifically – about how Bridge Farm should have a mobile website (one that’s specifically designed for mobiles, Pip helpfully explained to Helen). As, after all, mobiles will have overtaken computers in accessing the web.

Thanks for that Pip. I’m sure Pat and Tony will sleep easier at night knowing they’re 2 years ahead of the pack. Sure that’ll make a difference when they have no sales at all tomorrow …
Pip rambles on about keywords – social networking profiles – how you should update your website very often – that social networking should be friendly and conversational, inviting readers into your world, growing your customer base organically – that you should monitor traffic to your website …. (and on, and on, and on)

Hang on a second – Helen isn’t of retirement age!

Actually, most folks of retirement age will know everything Pip mentioned (if they’re in business). If they didn’t already know, they could just as easily check the same articles online that Pip has obviously printed off.

But, Helen seems to be happy that Pip has taken the time to tell her all of this wondrous news.

And Pip has taken the time to help.

Is it just me, or does this all suggest that Pip is going to be insufferable when/during/after she goes to Uni?

Lilian rips Brian a new one

It’s the Board meeting. Brian has to explain what’s going on with the Mart.

Seems that when they move the bones, it has to be a right type of covered wagon, then taken to a rendering plant (category one ABP) … which Lilian helpfully explains is:

[Lilian] “like cooking at a very high temperature, darling”

(cheers Lilian!).

The Board are obviously not happy about all the delays and the hassle. Lilian is of the opinion that “the whole affair has been badly mishandled”.

[Lilian] “The Police should have never been called in … it should have been obvious to anyone with two brain cells to rub together that what they were looking at were animal bones “

She’s not buying Brian’s explanation of “protocols and process”. Lilian thinks that both Brian and Cliff should have known about the bones beforehand.

Brian does his best to defend himself and Cliff – but ends up having to fall back on the fact that the Board voted to go ahead with this project, even though any (even slight) delay could spell disaster. Which was why he didn’t vote the same way as the rest of them.

Saying ‘I told you so’ may feel good – but I doubt it’ll help this situation, Brian.

Financial ruin for Home Farm? Surely not …

Good smelling food in Ruth’s kitchen shock!

Ruth’s made roast lamb with garlic and rosemary.

Yikes!

She’s also been drinking champagne.

Maybe Ruth can only produce good food when drunk?

The Archers Thursday 18th August 2011: It isn’t just about the money for Brian …

(… aye, right then!)

• Muntjac nearly ruins Will’s day off
• Another Ambridge related Echo headline
• Nic’s a wee gem
• Pip’s off to Uni
• Alice and her lucky layby
• Brian gets all noble
• Who buried the diseased cattle?

Muntjac nearly ruins Will’s day off

It broke one of the estate’s fences, so Eddie called Will.

But not to worry – Eddie is going to fix it, so Will doesn’t have to head out.

He shall go to The Blackberry Line!

Another Ambridge related Echo headline

Blimey. You’d think there was a lot going on in our favourite of wee villages!

This time it isn’t Bridge Farm:

“Foot and mouth threat to Borchester Market”

Nic’s a wee gem

She’s gone through her freezer, and given what she can to Clarrie.

Clarrie doesn’t want to, but needs to take it – so Nic makes like Clarrie is doing her a favour. That the kids are fed up of that food, so it’s best Clarrie takes it to stop them going on hunger strike.

Then Nic invites Clarrie (who is at a very loose, and morbidly depressing, end) on her and Will (and the kids’) day out.

[Clarrie] “You’ve got a real treasure there, William”

[Will] “I know, don’t you worry”

Funny thing is, I actually believe Will when he says that he appreciates all that is Nic.

Later on, Nic is talking again about how glad she is that she moved to Ambridge, and that she is very fond of the Grundy clan (well, one would assume Ed and Emma aside).

[Nic] “And I love you Will, I feel so lucky I found you, and that we’re together”

Will concurs.

I really am starting to think that Will has become human, after all these years …


Pip’s off to Uni

She got her B and two Cs.


Alice and her lucky layby

Don’t worry – it’s all good, clean fun.

Alice is selling strawberries in the layby in which she and Chris planned their trip to the states. Which was the one they got married during.

And now the strawberries seem to be shifting well.

It’s just onwards and upwards for that lucky lady!


Brian gets all noble

Brian’s frustrated by the delays of DEFRA giving the okay for The Mart to be worked again:

[Brian] “If the wheels of justice grind exceedingly slow, the wheels of bureaucracy seem practically dormant”

But it’s not just the money Brian is worried about:

[Brian] “It’s about more than just the bottom line for me … this is an exciting project for someone like me. In a way, it’s a legacy … some for the future farmers of this generation, it’s a way of paying back what we’ve gained … contributing to the local economy and global food market long after I’m gone”

Really?

There was me thinking that you were just worried about missing deadlines and losing the healthy Council bonus.

Silly me.


Who buried the diseased cattle?

Was Dan Archer involved at all?

The Archers Wednesday 17th August 2011: It’s only pigs and cattle

• Will and Nic’s grand day out
• Saul Bradley sounds like a twat
• Peggy’s making a dragon, disparaging remarks about Pat, and plans for Elona …

Will and Nic’s grand day out

Nice to again hear Nic and Will having a nice time together.

They’re at Lower Loxley with the kids. And they are most definitely not clock watching.

They send the kids off to make kites, while they get to mess around in a boat.

Though Nic left her drum and cat o’ nine tails at home (Will is complaining about her forcing him to do all the rowing), she didn’t need them to keep Will in check.

Actually, Will was genuinely nice and living.

My oh my.

It’s almost as if Will is a sane human that one could warm to …

Saul Bradley sounds like a twat

Excuse my language, but he really (really) does.

He’s the archaeologist sent to check the bones found at The Mart. He’s a right patronising wee know it all.

Seems he agrees that the bones are just pig and cattle. So that’s fine. But:

[Saul] “On thing puzzles me though … the date … the bones are buried far deeper than I’d expect”

And what does that mean?

The theory is that the pigs and cattle were slaughtered, and buried on the Mart site, way back in 1967 when foot and mouth hit. Which explains why it’s so deep.

The good news is that the site is therefore of no archaeological importance, but DEFRA still needs to be called.

Calling DEFRA.

That doesn’t sound like a fat thing to me.

And right enough – DEFRA needs them to get an exhumation order, from an inspector, before they can move the bones and get back to work.

*sigh*

Common sense from public agencies.

Not.

Peggy’s making a dragon, disparaging remarks about Pat, and plans for Elona …

The dragon fly is for Pip getting her exam results (Peggy is enamelling again).

[Peggy to Ted] “I know Tony’s made some silly decisions in his time, but I always felt Pat could be trusted to run the dairy, but something has badly gone wrong there"

(eh? Tony is acceptable as a bit of a screw-up at times, but Pat gets the blame for not overcompensating for his failings?)

And on Elona:

[Peggy to Ted] “I often feel Elona sees Jack and Violet as the people they once were, rather than simply as victims of the conditions”

Ted concurs. Elona is wonderful, so shouldn’t leave.

Peggy is also talking about how she isn’t quite coping at home. She’s having to let things slip 9which she abhors), and doesn’t want to bother her family about it – or, probably more importantly, lose her independence.

[Peggy] “I don’t believe people should be a burden to one another”

So – Peggy put her and Elona's problems together – and reckons she can solve Elona’s problems by giving her some work. Not exactly as home help, more of a helpful friend that she pays.

Sounds reasonable enough.

The Archers Tuesday 16th August 2011: Bones found at the Mart site

• But what about Ruairi’s sports kit?
• Pat had to wear lady shoes
• Are archaeologists really that busy?
• Jennifer gets excited about old bones

But what about Ruairi’s sports kit?

Brian gets a call from Cliff Alladay (The Mart’s Project Manager), and heads straight off to deal with a problem.

Jennifer’s not happy about that. It means he can’t go with her and Ruairi to buy Ruairi’s school kit.

Would seem it’s a seminal moment in any young (public school) boy’s life.
 
Pat had to wear lady shoes 

To her and Tony’s interview at Environmental Health.

Blimey!

Pat’s also worried about the interview. It could lead to a prosecution..

[Tony] “This is environmental health, not Scotland Yard … try to not let the situation intimidate you”

Easier said than done, but quite nice to hear Tony being the positive one in the know.

It sounded like most of the interview went well. Pat only sounded unsure (and a bit panicked) about the last time she’d put her staff through a refresher course – including 48 hour rule and such.

After their interview, Pat and Tony find that the village shop in Penny Hasset and the whole food shop in Darrington have cancelled their orders – AND the wee girl ill in hospital now has kidney problems.

So what’s Tom’s solution?

Take Bridge Farm’s confidence in their product further afield – places like Birmingham and Bristol (where, one assumes, they haven’t heard of the E. coli outbreak).

Hmmm. Wonder if German salad folks found that they managed to survive by finding new markets …

Are archaeologists really that busy?

Cliff has been trying to get one out to the Mart site to have a look at the bones one of the workers discovered.

But seems they’re all out on calls.

Surely not? I’d have thought their work could wait … after all, it’ll have been there for a fair while already.

Anyway – first signs are that the bones are cattle (they found a cattle skull).

But, finding the bones, having to report them, trying to find an archaeologist who doesn’t have another archaeological emergency, all means delays. Which can’t happen if the Mart project is going to hit the Council deadlines.

[Brian] “We’ve been knocked sideways by something entirely unpredictable”

Brian is angry, but one also assumes slightly pleased to be able to tell Annabelle ‘I told you so’.

Jennifer gets excited about old bones

After getting back in from the Mart site, all Brian wants is a large whisky (though he should get it himself rather than telling Jennifer to get him one. Lazy so and so. And I do hope it is whisky rather than whiskey …).

What he also gets with his whisky is a side order of rather inappropriate excitement from Jennifer.

[Jennifer] “Was anything else found, I mean pottery or jewellery … how interesting!”

Brian hopes it isn’t anything ‘interesting’:

[Brian] “Then it’d be littered with people in dungarees with teaspoons”

With her old local historian hat on, Jennifer reckons that the Mart site was part of a major roman road and that the Earl of Essex’s army billeted nearby in 1642.

[Jennifer] “There could very well be ancient remains, it could be a very important find”

Brian is most decidedly not excited nor amused. He’s only worried about delays, and what it could cost him.

The Archers Monday 15th August 2011: Eddie staggers on … in a good way

• Clarrie couldn’t even face the nettles by the ferret run
• Chris needs to bet the house
• Hope Nic’s mum’s dog is okay
• Nic feels guilty
• Pound shops or not?
• Folks couldn’t get enough of Alice’s punnets
• Hurrah for the Grange Spinney woman with the Jack Russell!

Clarrie couldn’t even face the nettles by the ferret run

Eddie’ seems to be doing all of the earning at the moment. He’s working 2 mornings with Will. Has his job at the Market. Part-time at Brookfield. And does the odd patio job.

Which is what partners do – pick up the slack when the other is not up to par.

Clarrie can’t get motivated to do the simplest things, and sounds very down.

[Eddie] “What’s dad been up to now?”

[Clarrie] “It ain't Joe. He’s been good as gold. I left him smoking his pipe in the lean to, before he tackles Bartleby’s stable”

(actually - what has Joe been up to? Looking more and more like a Sid-gate ...)

But, Clarrie couldn’t even bring to sort out the nettles at the back of the Ferret run.

Imagine that.


Chris needs to bet the house

Chris has been to see the Bank Manager.

They’re very happy with him. They’ll give him the £40,000.

BUT only over 5 years. And he has to put Alice (and his) house down as security.

So – business goes belly up – they have to put a £40k mortgage on their house.

Which is still pretty good going, considering what a lot of other folks have to cope with.

However, I do think Chris needs to get a new business bank manager. Mine would have given him 10 years, and wouldn’t have even mentioned the house …


Hope Nic’s mum’s dog is okay

Doesn’t sound too good. She’s had to let down Nic in looking after the kids, and take her dog to the vets.


Nic feels guilty

Not about having to dump the kids on Clarrie (though she does feel a wee bit bad about it – but what can one do when there’s a sick dog?).

Nic reckons she feels guilty having to work at The Bull during school holidays.

So wonders if Clarrie could do some of her shifts.

Bless.

More about helping Clarrie than feeling too guilty about the kids (quite right too!).

But Clarrie isnae daft. She knows what Nic is up to and, while appreciative, also knows that the Bull is more than just a job to Nic:

[Clarrie] “You said yourself, the Bull is a bit of an oasis … a woman needs a bit of independence”

(especially when that woman is living with Will Grundy – he’s sweetness and light at the moment, but it only takes one wrong look … I also thought Clarrie was about to launch into a rendition of Woolf’s ‘A Room of One’s Own').


Folks couldn’t get enough of Alice’s punnets

At the Farmers’ Market.

But she still had enough to give a freebie to Clarrie. Very nice of her (though a tad patronising as well)


Pound shops or not?

Alice doesn’t seem to approve. She reckons it costs more in petrol to get there than it saves.

But Clarrie’s having a go. Needs must. And Clarrie is believes in buying in bulk.

I reckon it depends on what you’re buying. I recently discovered that it’s cheaper to buy 6 rolls of Andrex toilet paper than a 12 roll of cheap stuff. Andrex has more sheets per roll, you see.

And who’d have thought we’d ever see the day where Alice could sympathise with Clarrie Grundy about trying to get work.

Of course, Alice isn’t quite skint. She does own her own home. And has a husband with his own business. And a dad who’s minted …


Hurrah for the Grange Spinney woman with the Jack Russell!

Eddie quoted her weeks ago, has given her a chase, and has persuaded her to do it now rather than in the Autumn.

[Eddie] “So, if we can stagger on a bit like this, you’ll have found a proper job before we start feeling the pinch”

Phew!

All Clarrie need to do now is find a job.

That’ll be easy enough …

The Archers Sunday 14th August 2011: Tom and Helen take control

(not really – they’re just going to do a plan)

• Big difference between “being tougher” and just plain evil
• The spiral of doom
• I want a rummage box
• Elona is sad
• Nic and Will are lovely to each other
• Tom’s great plan is to …
• Eddie’s charming ladies on lawns

Big difference between “being tougher” and just plain evil

Helen’s talking to Tom about how worried she is about the forthcoming Environmental Health interview Pat and Tony have. If there are any failings with their hygiene and such, it could mean more legal shenanigans.

They’re also bemoaning that the Underwoods contract has been lost.

[Tom] “Maybe you and I could have (done something to keep it) … we’d have got tougher much earlier, that’s for sure”

For “tougher” read ‘flung Clarrie to the wolves’.

Badness.

Yes, this is Clarrie’s fault – but naming, shaming and firing wouldn’t have made a difference. In my opinion.

The spiral of doom

Ambridge Organics has got to move more stock to try and make up for the loss of sales elsewhere.

But that won’t make up the difference.

And it’ll get worse, according to Helen.

They be selling less – so will make less – word will get round that they’re making less – so the customers that are buying their stock will start to think they’re making less as they’re about to go under – so will find other suppliers …

[Tom] “Let’s stop the rot now, before it gets too far”

So Tom and Helen arrange to meet later to strategise .

I want a rummage box

Sounds great.

Jack has one. Peggy brought more for it – a picture of Christine’s garden, and stems of winter barley (to touch and smell).

Sounds very groovy.


Elona is sad

She reckons she has to leave The Laurels.

Her flat is too small for her and her family – they’re all starting to feel squished and are starting to argue – but she can’t afford anything bigger locally.

Peggy obviously adores Elona. Jack adores her, and she’s an all-round very nice lady.

[Elona] “I feel like I’m abandoning him. But I must think of my daughters”

But Peggy has a cunning plan – No.3 The Green. Which currently has no tenant, and belongs to Lilian (Peggy’s’ daughter).

Elona thinks it’s still no good as she couldn’t even afford the deposit.

So, Will Peggy persuade Lilian to drop the deposit? Will Peggy pay the deposit? Will Elona then turn out to be a bad ‘un?


Nic and Will are lovely to each other

Nic makes Will Sunday lunch.

Nic has plans for later on (she’s got rid of the kids to their dad, Andrew). But, Will also has plans – to help Eddie leaflet for doing patios and the like. But rather than getting shirty about it, Nic reckons she’ll help. They can spend time together, and also help out Eddie and Clarrie.

After leafleting, Will offers Nic a nice cold beer (yum!) at the Duck and Drake, which has a nice stream in the beer garden, and also a bit of something to eat.

Will was then genuinely grateful and quite humbled at Nic “helping my family out” without complaint, nor being asked.

Will he make them her family proper soon?

Love very much seems to be in the air between those two. And nice to hear Will being nice.


Tom’s great plan is to …

… make a plan!

Over cold lemonade and lemon drizzle cake (yum!), and a quite vocal Henry:

[Tom] “Mum and dad running on the spot just to keep up … but they haven’t been thinking outside the box … what we do, if we move out of the area, out of the reach of the bad publicity”

Which is a bit of a hard push. They also reckon their USP is that they’re a local company, so starting to sell beyond means they have to come up with a whole new marketing plan. One which they’re not going to tell Tony and Pat about until it’s done.

Aye, I can see that going down well. It’s just what Tony and Pat need – more secrets, and being told what’s what by their kids.


Eddie’s charming ladies on lawns

Cause that’s the kind of chap he is.

But it’s all in a good cause.

(it’s to get more work in for his family)

The Archers Friday 12th August 2011: It gets worse for Bridge Farm

• Did Lilian say callous?
• Cold callers of the world – take Pat off of your lists
• The little boy is okay
• Adam’s playing safe
• Freddie reminds Shula of Nigel
• What do you mean Daniel has already had his work experience?
• “Nothing worse than silence in a wheat field during harvest”
• Alice has found work
• Anything else for Bridge Farm?

Did Lilian say callous?

I thought she said to Pat that she’d sounded “cold” when she did the radio interview.


Cold callers of the world – take Pat off of your lists

Calling Pat right now will only result in a right old ear bashing.


The little boy is okay

Shula tells Pat.

Well, that’s at least one bit of good news.


Adam’s playing safe

Pip has finally cornered Adam. She wants to talk through her ideas for Brookfield’s marketing of its lamb.

Her main idea is for Brookfield to break from the Hasset Hills co-operative – go it alone – and market the lamb as “pasture fed rather than a generic commodity” alongside its beef.
 
Adam’s not so sure. He thinks the co-op works best for all involved, and it provides a degree of safety.
But, not a chap to be completely negative, Adam suggests that Pip make a difference by working within – and she could start off by doing it as a college project.

Which she seems happy enough with.


Freddie reminds Shula of Nigel

Freddie’s been helping out a lot at Shula’s. She’s finding a lot of Nigel in Freddie – his sense of fun, and his “innocent” eyes.

Nigel was also quite a clever chap (which he tried). Wonder if Freddie is just a late bloomer in that department?


What do you mean Daniel has already had his work experience?

Blimey – I sound like a broken record saying that there’s been a lot of damp squibs in Ambridge recently – but they just keep happening!

Now it’s Daniel.

He was due to have work experience at Usha’s. Neither Shula nor Usha were entirely sure how it would pan out.

Would it lead to great friction? Would Usha and Shula suddenly become mates? Would Shula return to St Stephens as a result?

I have no idea.

His work experience has happened, but the hidden microphones were no-where near.

*Lynda sniff*

Though the mention of his work experience did give Pat a very good opportunity to say:

[Pat] “It wouldn’t hurt to have a lawyer in the family one day, again”

How very true.


“Nothing worse than silence is a wheat field during harvest”

Indeed Adam. I find that all the time.


Alice has found work

Selling strawberries for her (half) brother, for commission.

But she seems to be quite good at it.

And she also has a gig running stalls at farmers markets.

For her mum.

Phew! There’s nowt like standing on one’s own two feet.


Anything else for Bridge Farm?

Susan calls Pat to let her know that they haven’t sold a yoghurt all day. Or the day before.

In fact, the only thing that is selling from bridge Farm is the Sterling Gold cheese. Which just so happens to not have any mention of the Bridge Farm brand on it.

Tom finds that most frustrating,. He claims it’s because it’s utterly ridiculous – Sterling Gold is made from unpasteurised milk, don’t you know. But I reckon it’s more to do with Helen’s brand standing up better than Tom’s …

And, there’s also been cancellations for veg boxes.

[Tom] “Clarrie’s certainly left a trail of destruction on her wake …”

But wait – there’s more.

Environmental Health telephone. They want to interview Pat (or Tony?). For food safety offenses.

[Tom] “Whatever we do, it doesn’t look like we’re going to weather this storm, does it?”

Blimey.

Could it get worse?

Death?

The Archers Thursday 11th August 2011: And the Secret Fisherman/Poacher is …

• Where do the Grundys get all their car boot from?
• Henry can crawl
• Will’s a good son
• Bridge Farm still making headlines
• And the poacher is …
• Pat’s fuming

Where do the Grundys get all their car boot from?

Don’t you need actual half decent stuff to sell every time you go to a car boot (if you want to make any money)?

Where are they Grundys getting all the stuff to sell?

Surely a blouse of Clarrie’s, which is missing a button, isn’t going to earn much?

I reckon Clarrie should go ahead and sell Eddie’s Country and Western stuff. It’s not as if he uses them much these days, and needs must …


Henry can crawl

Multiple lengths of the hall, and he almost managed to stand up by using the kitchen table.

Though it’s not all innocent fun:

[Pat] “Now he’s back in his chair, he’s in beaker hurling mood. One just missed me”

[Tony] “He’s so wonderfully oblivious to it all, isn’t he?”

Yes indeed. And thank goodness for that.


Will’s a good son

Will maybe a bit of a psychopath at times, but he does look after his folks.

He previously lent Eddie money to buy a new van – and now he wants to give practical help during Clarrie’s hour of need.

Not only has he got Brian’s permission to give Eddie casual work round the estate – it sounded like he’s also given Clarrie a cheque for a half decent amount. Clarrie doesn’t want to accept it, but:

[Will] “Don’t be silly mum. Look what you’ve done for me over the years … it’s payback time”

Bridge Farm still making headlines

Bridge Farm is again front page news on the Borchester Echo.

The paper is reporting on the victims suing Bridge Farm. And how their sales have dived. And have quoted the chap from Underwoods:

[Underwoods chap called Somerville] “Sometimes in the future, we may consider stocking Bridge Farm produce, but our customers have lost faith … and we can’t stock product won’t sell”

[Tony] “That humped up little non entity! …I feel like going round to see Somerville right now. Tell him exactly what I think of him”

Pat reckons not – as it’d give the paper more headlines – but Tony reckons it would at least make him feel better.


And the poacher is …

… Josh.

Will catches Josh in the act, catching crayfish.

And there was me thinking he had started heading down to the river because he had a crush on Kirsty.

He seemed genuine enough that he didn’t know he needed permission from the landowner, and also a licence, to catch the crayfish.

Josh was raking in £5 a pound.

[Will] “So, you were doing your bit to freshen up the menu?”

[Josh] “Well, I’ve actually been helping the environment"

Which is true. Catching the crayfish interlopers does help the native species survive.

So Josh was being a bit cheeky – but no harm done.

Hmmm. Damp squib (yet again) anyone?


Pat’s fuming

She’s finally been able to make herself (and her family) a decent meal (don’t ask why Tony couldn’t have done that). But she starts shouting at Helen to come down from her room to eat. And she shouts at Tony for … well … everything

She’s finally flipped. And no wonder. But there’s still fighting talk left in that there Tony.

[Tony] “We won’t let him (Somerville from Underwoods) destroy us”

The Archers Wednesday 10th August 2011: Jim and Christine – just good neighbours?

• Thorns in its flank
• Josh is impressing his folks
• Christine and Jim – it’s a nice thing, either way
• If Christine has guessed it’s Clarrie …
• Pip in a foul mood

Thorns in its flank

Farming can seem an odd game. Well, it does to me sometimes.

While Ruth and David are checking to see which of their lambs are fat enough to go to slaughter, Ruth spots that one of the other lambs may have a problems.

Turns out just to be bramble thorns, but she helps it get rid of them.

Caring to kill.

Which is fair enough. I’d rather my meat was treated with such respect.


Josh is impressing his folks

He’s getting up in the morning (even on his holidays). He’s showing a real interest in the farm. And he’s signed up for milking every day, until he gets back to school.

[Ruth] “He is suddenly more … grown up”

[David] “It’s great to see him gainfully employed”

Seems Pip is slightly slipping from her pedestal. She was far from “raring to go” when she got up this morning.
Just exam results stress? Irritated by Elizabeth’s comments yesterday? Starting to realise her career at Brookfield may need more than Twitter?


Christine and Jim – it’s a nice thing, either way

I’m not sure if Christine and Jim will end up an item – but, to be frank, I couldn’t give a hoot.

It’s just nice to hear folks being nice to each other, and finding good company.

Jim’s helping Christine to replace once of her garden fence panels.

[Christine] “It’s at times like this I feel so helpless”

But not to worry. Jim measures. Takes the old panel out. Has a good gossip (he reckons Leonie didn’t look too happy on Sunday at the party – but he approved of Robert’s choice of Jazz). Goes with Christine to get a new panel. Christine invites him to tea:

[Christine] “You’ll certainly have earned it ”

Jim goes with Christine to get a new panel. Jim can’t find his screws – Christine finds them on the step. She reckons she’s finally found her role in life – “as a builder’s mate”. And after a fine tea:

[Jim] “I’ve had what they call an elegant sufficiency”

Christine and Jim show their appreciation of each other.

[Jim] “Anything to help a good neighbour”

[Christine] “You’re been more than a good neighbour”

[Jim] “It’s a two way thing though, isn’t it?”

Aw. Bless ‘em.


If Christine has guessed it’s Clarrie …

Then most other folks will soon start catch up.

Oh dear.


Pip in a foul mood.

After a bad start to the day, Pip’s mood doesn’t improve.

She shouts at Josh for going near her car with his bike. She snaps at Ruth when Ruth offered to make her a sandwich:

[Pip] “I’m not just in a mood because of my blood sugar!”

She shouts at Tig (evil!)

But at least Ruth also gets to have a rant after Pip tells her about what Elizabeth said yesterday:

[Ruth] “What on earth does she know about family farms! She obviously thoroughly depressed you …”

But – Pip, being Pip, ends her day by playing with Freddie and Lily, Josh and Tig (where be Ben?).

She just needed to have a grump.

The Archers Tuesday 9th August 2011: The proverbial hits the fan – it’s a solicitor’s letter

• Is Bella Bridge Farm’s dog?
• Too soon for solicitors?
• Clarrie hasn’t got any plans
• Blackcurrant Smoothie attack!
• Spooky goings on in the Vineyard
• Don’t bank on social networking as Brookfield’s saviour
• Well done Eddie

Is Bella Bridge Farm’s dog?

Not sure. Or is she a cow?

Either way, Tony reckoned that the TLC helped her stop limping.

Good news for Bella, and good on Tony for giving his dog some TLC. Or his Cow.


Too soon for solicitors?

I reckon so.

Tony and Pat are horrified (but not entirely surprised) to receive a letter today from Milly Robson parents, and one of the adults who’d also taken ill.

They’re suing for compensation.

Pat and Tony reckon the insurance will cover them (aye – I’ve personal experience that you can’t entirely depend on your insurance paying out: have a look at this). Which, if they do pay out, will still mean that their premiums will rocket.

Is it just me – or are Milly Robson’s parents (especially) jumping the gun? They don’t even know for sure yet that their daughter will survive.

Still, I suppose that the litigious world we live in.

And Pat’s keen to know if the other kid (who hasn’t really been mentioned so far) is okay. Seems Shula might be the person in the know (with her Pony Club connections).


Clarrie hasn’t got any plans

[Eddie] “How bout a bit of baking?”

I was about to (again) rant about Eddie being insensitive, and relatively useless all round, when it comes to Clarrie’s need, but I think I get it.

Eddie’s trying to make Clarrie realise that she’s useful. And wanted. And needed.

Good lad.

Especially important now – ever more so since Clarrie noticed that hardly anyone touched her quiche at the Snells’ party (though Eddie reckons lots went untouched as there was so much of it).

[Eddie] “So, um, what about doing some housework?”

[Clarrie] “The house is so spick and span I hardly recognise the place”

[Eddie, in jest] “Yea, well I’m sure me and dad could sort that our for you”

But what Clarrie wants is proper work.

She’s not getting as many shifts at The Bull because of Rhys now working there (she goes to ask Jolene for more work – but Jolene reckons she’ll “be in touch” if they need emergency cover … that sounds familiar). She also had a not fantastic time when she went into The Bull – everyone was asking her questions, wanting to know why she wasn’t working at bridge Farm, why it was her, and not Susan, who ended up with part time work …


Blackcurrant Smoothie attack!

Poor Pip.

Seems she dropped her watch in a glass of water this morning. Now she has blackcurrant smoothie on her uniform after drop an (almost empty) glass while at work.

She’s out of sorts as she’s anxious about her A Level results. Which will only arrive next week.

[Elizabeth] “I’m sure it will be fine”

Which is the worst thing to say – every time Pup hears it, her stomach turns over.

Pip has worked hard, but she had a lot of catching up to do after her Juuude Shenanigans.

(funny that Pip is now starting to say Jude, with a long ‘o’ sound in the middle, as David always has)


Spooky goings on in the Vineyard

As Pip’s so stressed, Elizabeth takes her to Lower Loxley’s vineyard to chill and have a chat.

Seems the grapes are doing splendidly – quality and quantity.

The stroll through the grapes does calm Pip down.

But bizarrely, Pip’s watch also starts working.

Ooo-er.

As we all know, the vineyards are where Elizabeth still ‘feels’ Nigel …


Don’t bank on social networking as Brookfield’s saviour

I obviously don’t doubt the sheer might and power of social networking.

But – Pip’s kidding herself if she thinks social networking , for Brookfield’s lambs, will make enough of a difference to create enough work for her to also stay.

She is sensible in wanting to talk to Adam. As Elizabeth says:

[Elizabeth] “Adam is always good value”

And you also have to give Pip her due for her passion.

[Pip] “I just really, really want to be a part of Brookfield”

[Elizabeth] “Yeah, but it’s not the best of times for family farms”

Which Pip gets incredibly defensive about. She rants about how well her folks have coped – with Elizabeth trying to explain that she meant “it is just a struggle for everyone”

So she has a slight fall out with Elizabeth.

Funny also that Pip hasn’t clocked that she’s not David and Ruth’s only kid.

What about Josh wanting to work at Brookfield (which looks like he might want to do)? And Ben?


Well done Eddie

Eddie and Clarrie are sitting down to dinner.

(where is Joe? Not like him to miss a meal)

Seems their chops don’t have much on them. But they have plenty gravy. And runner beans from the garden.

[Clarrie] “We’ll be living off runner beans”

[Eddie] “Oh well, I can’t eat anything as long as it’s covered in gravy”

(hurrah! Couldn’t agree with you more, Eddie)

[Clarrie] “This must be the best diet I’ve ever been in”

It’s the worry. Clarrie’s not eating much.

But Joe has had a bright idea. If Clarrie does the car boots at the weekends – it’ll free up Eddie to get more gardening jobs.

And blow me down – Clarrie’s delighted. It’s a good idea, and a thoughtful one at that.

So Clarrie feels bright enough to eats a bit more dinner.

[Eddie] “I don’t want you to waste away to anything … min, you’ve got a good way to go!”

[Clarrie] “Hey, watch it Eddie Grundy, you’ll be cooking your own supper if you’re not careful, and I’ll be rationing the gravy”

[Eddie] “That’s more like it”

Indeed. Come on Clarrie - you're missed.

The Archers Monday 8th August 2011: James and Leonie want money

(now there’s a surprise)

• Did anyone notice Emma’s birthday yesterday?
• The Diary of a Pretentious Modern Day Couple, Chapter 2
• Products a go-go at Bridge Farm
• What’s Leonie doing to make her neighbours bang?
• What’s wrong with nettle soup?

Did anyone notice Emma’s birthday yesterday?

It would seem not. Even though Susan said it was a cracker.


The Diary of a Pretentious Modern Day Couple, Chapter 2

Everyone, apart from Matt, has agreed to meet up again to talk about Leonie and James’ fabulous (!) book idea.

I reckon Matt couldn’t be there as he just couldn’t be bothered with such nonsense.

But here, we go regardless – Chapter 2 …

[James] “That’s why she (Leonie) was so cut up yesterday when none of you seemed to get how brilliant it’s going to be”

Seems their great idea is to visit and write up village events, festivities and comings/goings – fetes, jamborees and the like.

(has Ambridge ever had a jamboree?)

They’ll interview “local characters”.

But the key to the project is photography. “wonderful photographs”.

Which means getting a really good, professional camera … see where this is going? Right enough:

[James] “So, we need some sort of investment up front … and that means you can have some sort of, limited, input”

Of course, Lilian thinks it all “sounds wonderful”. Well, she would. It’s James. She can see no sense when it comes to her boy.

But Lynda says that she thinks she’s seen a similar book:

[James] “Oh well. There’s always going to be some amateur local stuff”

He reckons his and Leonie’s book will be “high end” (hmmm – back to need lots of investment then)

[Lilian] “You never know, it might put up house prices”

(oh come on, Lilian!)

[Robert] “Can you actually take photographs of people’s property and put them in a book?”

He also asks them how they’re going to pay contributors.

Leonie just dismisses such talk as “detail”.

Lilian says she’ll make a “modest” investment, “down the line”. But reassures James, on demand, that it won’t be that “modest” and not that far “down the line”.

Hmmm. Don’t think Matt will let anything other than modest, and down the line, happen anytime soon.

Also noticeable that Robert and Lynda didn’t commit to anything.

The worst news is that James and Leonie will be back very soon – for the August bank holiday Open Gardens Sunday.

Oh, the joys.


Products a go-go at Bridge Farm

Susan and Pat have finished the first batch of products to leave the dairy since E. coli was found.

Which is great news.

But, journalists are still harassing Pat again. Looks like they want her to explain exactly where the E. coli came from.

This is far from being today’s chip paper …


What’s Leonie doing to make her neighbours bang?

Back to talking about Leonie moving into James’ flat – Leonie mentioned she’d be glad to get away from her current neighbours. They seem to be always banging on her wall.

What on earth is the woman doing?

No matter, I suppose. At least she can now express herself through her book, and redoing James’ flat in “earth colours”


What’s wrong with nettle soup?

Lilian, Robert and Lynda thought Joe was spinning Leonie a line on Sunday:

[Leonie] “His mother used to cook nettle soup on a Sunday, as a treat”

Can I ask what’s wrong with nettle soup?

Wild foraging/food for free is quite in vogue these days.

My partner does a cracking nettle soup.

O, does that just make me/us rural quaint?

The Archers Sunday 7th August 2011: The Snells’ Garden Party

• 25 years in Ambridge
• Tom really is a heartless prat
• James and Leonie seem to be laughing at Ambridge
• And the surprise music is …
• James and Leonie’s surprise is …
• The Diary of a Pretentious Modern Day Couple
• So the party went well

25 years in Ambridge

[Lynda] “When I looked out the window this morning and saw the heat haze rising off the river …”

It’s a perfect day for the Snells’ 25th year in Ambridge. And for their garden party.


Tom really is a heartless prat

Tom on Clarrie resigning:

[Tom] “Pity she didn’t do it a week ago … this is isn't about feelings mum”

[Pat] “Nor is it just a PR exercise!”

Pat reckons Clarrie was brave to resign – Tom just reckons it’s good news.

So he now wants to put it all behind him, and crack on with getting more stock back into customers, and rebuilding their reputation.

He didn’t spare one thought for Clarrie (or the rest of her clan).

Nasty.


James and Leonie seem to be laughing at Ambridge

Leonie, on Lynda and Robert’s party:

[Leonie] “That’s so sweet, like a really quaint rural custom … guests brining food and stuff”
James then drags Leonie off to have a chat with Joe – as he reckons the “Grundys are good value”.

And they both openly laugh.

Hmpf.

Nasty little pair.


And the surprise music is …

Jazz.

Steady on!


James and Leonie’s surprise is …

That they are moving in together.

[Lynda] “Well, um, is that it?”

Actually, not quite:

[James] “We really want to cement our relationships … by writing a book”

Oh, how wonderful (!) …


The Diary of a Pretentious Modern Day Couple

Seems James and Leonie mistaken family and friend politeness about their blog as a “fantastic response”.

[Leonie] “Out styles seem to complement each other”

Bloomin ‘eck! Can you imagine a blogger thinking they have a book in them?

Perish the thought …

But there’s more.

They don’t just want a book – they want to create a whole product line. Spin off products to include things like “crockery and tea things”. All of which should appeal to folks with money to spend.

(are there any of those left?).

[James] “Produce something along the lines of a Country Diary of an Edwardian lady”

Good God no!

How very dare they. I hardly think they have the class and artistic emotions to even tough such a classic. Matt concurs:

[Matt] “And pigs might do the proverbial”

Leonie continues:

[Leonie] “A little bit of heaven, a Year in an English Village”

[Lynda] “Isn’t it terribly hard to get a book published these days?”

Yes it is Lynda (I used to work in publishing – we’d have a stack of hundreds we hadn’t read, let alone rejected … many of which eventually were once we got round to reading them).

But it would seem a “mate in publishing” has given them the “thumbs up”. Probably did so just to get them to desist their wittering.

Leonie eventually twigs that neither Robert nor Lynda nor Lilian seem very excited about their book. She gets very upset. She thinks they should be jumping with joy - especially as it’s going to be about Ambridge.

Oh hang on.

Leonie mentioned “ A Year in”.

Does that mean we could end up with james and Leonie on the secret microphones for a whole, solid year?

*sigh*


So the party went well

Despite Leonie stropping off like a child:

[Lynda] “I think no-one noticed she was looking sulky”

The Snells seem very pleased with their special day.

[Lynda] “I’ll never forget today Robert, surrounded by all our friends and music … Ambridge has been the right place for us, hasn’t it”

They have a laugh over Neil’s pigs breaking into their garden on their first day – and Eddie charging them £10 to remove them (Robert mentioned it to Eddie – he seem scared that Robert wanted his money back – well, he would do, especially now).

[Robert] “Best move we ever made, wasn’t it”

I’d have though so Robert. I certainly have enjoyed The Snells for all these years.

The Archers Friday 5th August 2011: Clarrie Resigns

• Washing Lampshades is never a good sign
• Lilian would have been more canny
• I really dislike James calling Lilian “Ma”
• Clarrie takes the bullet
• Lilian tells Matt
• Start a whip round for the Grundys?

Washing Lampshades is never a good sign

Which is what Clarrie is doing.

You know when you get to ‘those’ type of jobs, you’re actually heading for a meltdown.

Eddie is trying to do his best to keep Clarrie positive about those sick on hospital:

[Eddie] “I know it’s tough love, but you’ll see, they’ll be fine”

But he does tend to just offer the ‘chin up’ variety of support. Which, for something like this, doesn’t really cut it.

(sorry Eddie)


Lilian would have been more canny

Lilian was telling Pat that she was surprised Pat had done the Radio Borchester interview.

[Lilian] “You never know what they’re going to cut out”

Lilian also, very helpfully, told Pat that she came across a bit cold.

So – Pat should have gone to Lilian for her PR advice.

Actually, it would’ve been more use than the NFU advice.

And where is Brenda while all this has been going on?

At least Pat has Kathy to give her something positive. Kathy thought Pat did “really well”

[Pat] “I hardly sounded sympathetic, did I?”

[Kathy] “It was fine. You sounded very professional”

‘Fine’ is never a good review.

Looks like Eddie isn’t the only one not doing very well to support the walking wounded.


I really dislike James calling Lilian “Ma”

Actually, I just really dislike James.

He’s such a pretentious little toad. And normally the sort of chap Lilian would sniff out as such within seconds.

But there’s no accounting for a mother’s blind adoration.

James has returned – with Leonie.

*sigh*

I’d forgotten how irritatingly awful those two are together – they were bad enough singular!


Clarrie takes the bullet

After hearing the Radio Borchester interview, especially that Pat never mentioned how E. coli got into the diary in the first place, Clarrie goes round to see Pat.

[Clarrie] “It hasn’t been out of my mind for a second. I’ll never forgive myself for having let you down … you’ve been ever so good to me, even after all this. You could have just fired me, I deserved it … I know I’ll never be able to put right what I’ve done … I know I’ve got to resign. It’s the best for all of us”

[Pat] “I’ll accept your resignation, if I’m honest there’s not going to be much work in the diary anyway … if we can find our way out of this mess … I hope I’ll be able to offer you work here again”

So that’s that then.

I don’t suppose Pat could have said anything else – she has less work in the diary and Clarrie leaving does mean they can 100% say that the cause of the E. coli is no more.

But does this mean everyone will now know it’s all Clarrie’s fault?


Lilian tells Matt

Where to find the lime. Though he fails:

[Matt] “Lilian, I can’t find this ruddy lime”

So, he offers lemon instead.

Actually – Lilian does tell Matt what’s what over something a bit more important:

[Lilian] “I think they’re going to make an announcement … for goodness sake Matt , what do you think. You wondered why james was so friendly on the phone with you … there are some moments in this life that are more important than business … I’m putting my foot down”

James and Leonie have dropped heavy hints that both Matt and Lilian MUST be at the Garden Party, and with the mention of an announcement, course Lilian must think they’re about to get engaged.

Not that Matt will give a monkey about that. he’d still rather be at the barbeque doing business…


Start a whip round for the Grundys?

Eddie arrived home to not tea on the go (cheeky monkey for mentioning it) – but it does mean something odd.

Clarrie’s not doing anything. She’s just sitting.

She tells Eddie that she’s resigned.

[Clarrie] “I didn’t want to, goodness knows, but I’ve ruined everything”

She’s sorry she didn’t discuss and agree it with Eddie first, and that it’s going to mean very tight times for the Grundy household. They haven’t even paid last month’s electricity bill.

[Eddie] “Well, we’re just going to have to manage, ain’t we.

“Look, we’ve been through tough times before. We’ll get through this. We’ll just have to work that little bit harder. Nothing new. Don’t you worry, we’ll survive somehow”

I wonder if Tom will lose any sleep …

The Archers Thursday 4th August 2011: Radio doesn’t play fair with Pat

• Cheeky Facebook profile
• Bridge Farm loses more customers
• kd lang and Erasure
• Wheat to the rescue!
• Lynda’s affected
• Chris can start believing
• They didn’t mention Henry!

Cheeky Facebook profile

Harry’s profile picture is seemingly a picture of feet sticking out from a duvet.

And they are not his, nor Jazzer’s …


Bridge Farm loses more customers

Martin from the Deli has “searched his soul and can no longer stock”.

Even our lovely Ian has had to go to another supplier – though he says he’ll go back to Bridge Farm as soon as he can (when the publicity dies down, one would have thought).

So, as they have fewer customers – they will have to produce less – so will have to cut hours in the dairy.

That could come in as a useful excuse …


kd lang and Erasure

Is what Radio Borchester was playing before Pat’s interview was aired.

How very gay eighties.

(though I do love a bit of Erasure. They’ve matured very nicely – saw them recently at Thetford Forest)


Wheat to the rescue!

Tony reckons it could be their wheat would could save their bacon.

He didn’t mention Tom's sausages.

(geddit?!?)


Lynda’s affected

And calls Pat to tell her so, just as the Radio interview is about to be aired.

Bless Lynda.

One can never be sure if she’s being genuine, or just wants to be party to the drama.

But this time – she’s genuine.

She makes a point of telling Pat that she wants Bridge Farm cream for her party in Sunday. And Lynda will let everyone know that’s where the cream came from.

Good on ya.

Though it may mean many untouched strawberries …


Chris can start believing

Ronnie said yes to Plan B.

So that means Chris needs less money upfront, as he’ll just be buying the core business and renting the premises rather than having to buy it all.

Alice will be pleased.

Will Jennifer be as chuffed? Or will she just see this as another missed opportunity for Chris and Alice to break-up?


They didn’t mention Henry!

Pat is aghast!

Funnily enough – Radio Borchester edited Pat’s interview, leaving out the bits she said about having a grandchild, and how dreadful they all feel for the kiddies in hospital.

Worse still – they included an interview with the mother of one of the kids in hospital.

[Pat – very, very annoyed] “For god sake, I lost a child myself and for a while I thought we might lose Helen as well … people will think we don’t care … banging on about how excited we are to be open again, and meanwhile there’/s that frantic mother, and all I could offer was a mealy mouthed apology.

“This was meant to be a new positive start … instead when they hear Bridge Farm all they’ll think is E. coli and those poor children”

So will Bride Farm may be able to start production again – it looks like they’re far from being able to convince anyone that they’d want to buy from them.

Oh dear.

The Archers Wednesday 3rd August 2011: Rhys’ flat warming party

• Trifle and paddling
• Who is the mystery fisherman?
• Fallon has lemon juice in her eye
• “We’re not going to warm my flat, we’re going to burn it down!”
• Harry only has eyes for Zofia
• Nic finds it easy to talk to Alice
• Ambridge jungle drums
• Jazzer realises Fallon likes Harry

Trifle and paddling

Will, Nic and the kids have a perfect day out next to the river.

[Will] “Well, it don’t get much more perfect than this. I could stay here forever”

But then – big scream from Mia.

Oh No!

What could the matter be?

Oh.

Really?

Just a crayfish (one assumes Mia saw in the river).

Which George wants to play with.


Who is the mystery fisherman?

The crayfish who did so terribly scare Mia is not of the native sort – so really shouldn’t be released back. Our native crayfish chaps are being decimated by large, American interlopers.

And of course, Will get to thinking that this could be the source of Kenton’s new found supply of crayfish for The Bull (you think???).

Will reckons that the trap Mia found the crayfish in was an amateur one, so whoever is ‘fishing’ them is doing so without a licence.

He’s all ready to blow the whistle (especially as it’s on Brian’s land), but Nic begs him not to. After all, she has to work at The Bull.

Ah, tis a fishy tale that’s being woven …


Fallon has lemon juice in her eye

And that’s even the drinking games at Rhys’ start.

In fact, she’s still at work in The Bull. And she doesn’t want to do the drinking games later on anyway.

[Rhys] “Oh don’t be such a girl”

Eh?

Isn’t that exactly what Fallon is?


“We’re not going to warm my flat, we’re going to burn it down!”

Party on, dude.

(ahem)


Harry only has eyes for Zofia

And keeps nipping away from Rhys and Jazzer, while they’re trying to playa drinking game at Rhys’ party, to hasten to Zofia's side. When he isn’t with Zofia, he becomes a bit distracted:

[Jazzer] “Jings, I reckon Zofia has made you deaf as well as stupid”

(Jings? I haven’t heard that uttered since Oor Wullie or The Broons)

[Jazzer] “I preferred it when it was just Harry and his pictures of men in lycra”

[Rhys] “You serious? A bit bi-curious, is he?”

Fallon clarifies that it’s a Tour de France [poster, but Jazzer reckons “case closed”.

[Rhys] “He seems pretty keen on women to me. Maybe he’ll let her play with his bicycle pump …”

Nic finds it easy to talk to Alice

Which she’s surprised about.

[Nic] “Always been a bit intimidated by those pony club girls”

Ambridge jungle drums

Nathan Booth told Fallon, who has now told Will, that bridge Farm’s dairy is open again.

So Will will now tell Eddie, who till tell Clarrie, who’ll be really upset to have not been told by Pat.

Jazzer realises Fallon likes Harry

The only took him 8 months to catch on!

Fallon’s moping that Harry is with Zofia. And also moping in general about her love life … well, lack of it.

[Fallon] “We’re cupid’s cast offs Jazzer … I’m sleeping on my own tonight. As usual”

Surprisingly, Jazzer doesn’t try it on.

He instead opts for Rhys’ sofa. Which is seemingly better than having to hear Harry and Zofia at it.

The Archers Tuesday 2nd August 2011: Matt’s got another excuse to avoid the Snells’ party

• Josh or Pip?
• Business for Matt’s birthday
• Matt’s also pondering Paulhill
• Fond memories and hopeful future at Brookfield
• Pat’s on the radio

Josh or Pip?

Astonishment at Brookfield as Josh is out of bed at a decent hour (during his holidays) AND he wants to helping with the milking.

In fact, he wants to do the milking everyday while he’s on holiday.

Of course, that’s somewhat about an increase in his pocket money – but also:

[Josh] “I’ve got a lot to learn if I’m going to be like you (David), Mum and granddad”

Josh is even worrying about what would happen if they ever had to get rid of the cows (unprofitable milk yields, and so on).

So now David has something new to worry about.

Pip wants to be on the farm. And would seem Josh also wants to be on the farm. That would mean Brookfield having to support a potential of three families.

[David] “I was hoping Josh would become a premiership footballer and keep us all in the lap of luxury”

Nae luck!


Business for Matt’s birthday

Classic Pusscat and Tiger moment:

[Matt] “you were dead to the world”

[Lilian] “Slumbering peacefully, I think you’ll find”

But back to business – which is what Matt wants to do on his birthday, rather than go to the Snells’ party.

Seems some bloke called Ken Dickinson (who happens to use golden tees during golf) is having a barbeque on Sunday. He’s a major developer, has invited Matt and Lilian – so Matt’s only too glad to insist they go to his shindig instead of Lynda’s.

[Matt] “Finally, I’ve been buttering him up for months”

[Lilian] “Do you really want to spend your birthday doing business?”

[Matt] “More so than having me brain numbed by Lynda”

Lilian really does want to go to the Snells – James (and Leonie) will be there.

[Matt] “He might be disappointed you can’t go, but it’s the first time he’s wanted to come within spitting distance of me”

But sounds like Lilian will give up James and the Snells for Matt’s business networking.

Well, it is his birthday …


Matt’s also pondering Paulhill

The plot does thicken.

Matt’s remembered that Darrell (the bloke who also wants to buy the Farrier business) is the brother of one of the contractors he and Lilian know. After a wee bit of digging, he finds out that Darrell is going through a messy divorce, and is having to sell his house.

[Lilian] “Well done Tiger, that’s very interesting news”

Indeed.

Can we assume Darrell also isn’t in a financial position to outbid Chris?


Fond memories and hopeful future at Brookfield

Ruth’s telling Josh about how his granddad (Phil) brought the black and whites to Brookfield, replacing the shorthorns that Josh’s great-grandfather (Dan) had.

Ruth also remembers her view from Nightingale Farm, when she first moved to Ambridge:

[Ruth] “I never imagined that view would become my life”

[Josh] “You really love the cows, don’t you mum?”

[Ruth] “Yeah, of course. I’ve put a lot of hard work into them … I suppose it’s those moments when you stand back and see a strong, healthy herd producing value food, it reminds you why you do it, you know”

Pat’s on the radio

Pat’s having her interview with Wayne Folley at Radio Borchester.

She finally gets her chance to say her heartfelt piece about the kiddies:

[Pat] “Genuinely, it’s been the worst aspect of all this. We’re a small family run business, my daughter has recently had a baby, it really does break all our hearts to imagine how worried those parents must be”

When she gets back from the interview (which wasn’t live – so it’s still to air), Pat finds out that they’ve definitely lost Underwoods as an account. It’s their biggest customer, so not good news.

Especially now that they’re able to start production again.

Will there be anyone to produce for?

The Archers Monday 1st August 2011: Bridge Farm’s back in business … sort-of

• Adrian and Sally are back
• Get Ed to talk to Radio Borchester
• Lilian appalled at Alice’s career path
• The Tom Archer brand must be protected
• Helen’s on Tom’s side
• Ronnie wants a barge
• Darrell Paulhill – who he?

Adrian and Sally are back

Them from Environmental health (where did Ken MacLeod go to? Does it take three to shut them down, only 2 to re-open?).

They take their time to do their checks of the freshly steamed Bridge Farm – to the point where Tony could do nowt but tend to his cabbages.

But no need to worry – Bridge Farm has been given the all clear.

[Pat] “The E. coli has been dealt with and we’re open for business”

Which is great news.

Doesn’t mean to say that everything’s back to normal, though.

With less orders coming in, Helen even suggests that they give up on making ice-cream in the short term.

Blimey.


Get Ed to talk to Radio Borchester

Radio Borchester call to ask Pat to be interviewed by Wayne Folley tomorrow.

I’m not sure if Wayne Folley is meant to be one of those Jeremy Vine (or even Jeremy Kyle) types, but Pat should ask Ed to do the interview.

Remember when he played a blinder when he was interviewed about TB in cows, a few years back?

I did help that the interviewer was a lady who seemed to be quite attracted to Ed …


Lilian appalled at Alice’s career path

Lilian bumps into Alice at Grey Gables. She assumes that Alice is also there for a bit of pampering – so is shocked when Alice tells her that she’s trying to find Caroline to ask for a job.

Lilian sounded quite disgusted at the idea of Alice being a Chamber Maid (even though she’s done it before):

[Lilian] “But changing people’s sheets …”

[Alice] “Oh it’s fine Aunty Lilian, don’t be such a snob”

[Lilian] “Me?”

Aye, you!

Needs must, Lilian.


The Tom Archer brand must be protected

Honestly, I never know why I’m ever surprised at Tom being a selfish, overbearing, arrogant bad man.

He’s yet again harassing Pat and Tony about sacking Clarrie.

But this time he openly admits that his precious ‘Tom Archer’ brand is at stake.

Fair enough – but he surely could have kept quiet about being worried about his wee sausages, when it’s actually decades of his parent’s work which is most at risk?

What a prat.


Helen’s on Tom’s side

That’s more like it.

Helen being quite clinical, practical and controlling.

Phew! I thought we’d totally lost her to Henry!

Helen agrees that they should sack Clarrie.

[Helen] “It would be a really strong statement that we’ve dealt with it”

[Tony] “I don’t care, I’m not turning Clarrie into a scapegoat .. it’s not the way I want to ruin this farm … Clarrie came back in good faith”

Ronnie wants a barge

Ronnie didn’t say no to Chris’ Plan B (of buying his core business, but only leasing the premises for the first while).

He listened. But, he was planning on buying a barge. So likely does want all the money upfront.

So he’s away to ponder it.



Darrell Paulhill – who he?

He’s the chap that’s also interested in buying Ronnie’s Farrier business.

Alice mentioned him to Lilian – and his name rings a bell for her.

Will Lilian be able to pull a fast one for Chris and Alice? If only to spot Alice having to change other people’s sheets …

The Archers Sunday 31st July 2011: Cushions, pans and crayfish

• What’s up with Joe?
• On no, not the Westbury Courier as well
• Will, don’t say that out loud!
• Clarrie drops a clanger
• Christine and Jim?
• Ambridge won the cricket again
• Goodbye Billy Goats Gruff
• Kenton’s crayfish annoy Will
• Clarrie Hara-kiri?

What’s up with Joe?

He hasn’t spoken in a while.

I’m a bit worried about him. He had his nasty cough, then hasn't been heard of much since.

Very reminiscent of Sid before he went off to New Zealand …

Anyway, probably just me making too wild a guess. Joe can’t be ill if the kids are allowed to put cushions on his head while he’s having 40 winks.


On no, not the Westbury Courier as well

Seems the Westbury Courier has also ran a big piece about Bridge Farm, E. coli, the sick kiddies etc etc etc

As Jim later says – today’s news is tomorrow’s chip papers – or just something to put your muddy shoes on.

But it’s not as simple as that in our modern days of TVs, radios and the internet. And not when there’s a kid that still might die.



Will, don’t say that out loud!

[Will] “If only she’d waited another day before going back into work …”

We all think it, but not helpful to actually voice it.

Clarrie drops a clanger

Quite literally. Though it was only a bunch of pans.

[Eddie] “She’s very upset … We all got to do our best to look after her”

(maybe Eddie could start with cooking her Sunday lunch for once)

Eddie wants Clarrie to come with the kids to Lower Loxley’s Garden Festival

[Eddie] “Or you could spend the afternoon reorganising the cupboards”

Surprisingly for Clarrie, she chooses a day out over the cupboards.


Christine and Jim?

Just good friends having a day out at the Garden Festival? Or romance?


Ambridge won the cricket again

With Christopher getting a half century.


Goodbye Billy Goats Gruff

Cheery-bye then. Slightly (yet another) damp squib, but at least it made George happy.

Kenton’s crayfish annoy Will

Kenton has sourced crayfish for The Bull’s menu from somewhere local, but he won’t tell Will where.

That can only mean it’s something to do with Brian’s land, surely?


Clarrie Hara-kiri?

Clarrie had a bit of a rough time at the Garden festival. Everyone was talking about Bridge Farm, without realising that the E. coli started with her.

She now thinks she should resign. She can’t stand that it’s all her fault, and can’t see how she could continue.

Eddie reckons she shouldn’t. he thinks that if that was what Pat and Tony wanted, that they would have sacked her by now.

Tough one indeed. If I was Clarrie, I would also want to resign. But the Grundy’s are hardly flush enough to cope with one less wage coming in. Joe would have to go back down the mines …

The Archers Friday 29th July 2011: Tom still wants Clarrie sacked

• When ‘Even bad publicity is good publicity’ isn’t true
• Wonder why Will hasn’t got a problem with Nic’s kids’ dad?
• “what’s to be cheerful about?”
• Matt shall go to the party
• Helen has a social life!
• Brenda and Tom tag team against Tony and Pat

When ‘Even bad publicity is good publicity’ isn’t true

Especially when your business has been linked to making kids sick …

(though I still don’t know why it’s not as important that the adults survive)

[Tom] “yet they’re convinced we’re still poisoning people”

Seems tourists in The Bull have also been checking with Nic about whether the ice-cream isn’t from ‘that’ E. coli farm.

So Tom’s back on about naming and shaming Clarrie – to “go public on how it happened”.

Brenda at first seemed to be urging caution:

[Brenda] “You will have to put up with the hostility if you name and shame Clarrie”

But after Tom rants on a bit more, calling Clarrie a “careless individual”, amongst other things:

[Tom] “We can’t afford to be sentimental”

Brenda completely sides with him:

[Brenda] “You can’t sacrifice Bridge’s Farm’s good name just to avoid hurting Clarrie’s feelings”

Well, that’ll be that then. Brenda is a highly experienced marketing professional. Surely Pat and Tony will listen to her reasoned, professional opinion?

Hmmm. Hasn’t Brenda mainly focused on flyers, handing out energy drinks and making coffee for Lilian and Matt since she graduated?


Wonder why Will hasn’t got a problem with Nic’s kids’ dad?

Just a ponder of mine.

I reckon Will uses all of his angry-Will-ness on Ed.


“what’s to be cheerful about?”

Seems Clarrie is still as depressed as when they ‘lost’ the farm – which is fair enough.

[Clarrie] “What’s to be cheerful about?”

Eddie’s doing his best to try and lighten her mood. Especially since she now has the all clear from being an E. coli carrier.

He encourages Clarrie to call Pat to tell her the good news – which she does do.

Bad timing, though. Pat’s right in the middle of arguing with Tom about his depends to name Clarrie. All Pat can say is that she will “be in touch very soon”.

Ouch.


Matt shall go to the party

Seems Lilian has managed to persuade Matt to go to Lynda’s garden party. Even though it’s the same day as his birthday.

The Snells. James and Leonie. The great and the good of Ambridge.

That’ll make Matt a very happy birthday boy.


Helen has a social life!

She’s off out to a mother and baby group.

Henry really is the making of Helen. Gone are the days of wine, DVDs and chocolate.

(I know I go on about that a lot – but it really was all Helen seemed to do over the last few years. Apart from Leon …)


Brenda and Tom tag team against Tony and Pat

[Brenda] “People don’t act rationally in these circumstances”

Brenda and Tom reckon that the picture of the little ill girl massively buried the Bridge Farm statement in the Echo. So it’s time to step up and reveal Clarrie as the culprit.

[Tony] “If we hang Clarrie out to dry, wouldn’t we lose the goodwill of the whole village?”

[Tom] “What’s more important? That we’re popular with the neighbours or that our farm has a future?”

Must admit Brenda and Tom do have a good point, but it’s Clarrie we’re talking about. And she didn’t mean it. And she’s doing a great job of punishing herself without anyone else’s help.

I reckon if she named, we could see the Grundy’s moving on from Ambridge …

The Archers Thursday 28th July 2011: Bridge Farm – the Child Killer?

• Milly Robson
• Sabrina tells Jim Lloyd to shut up
• Mr Foxy better scarper
• The bank manager says no
• Nic’s home
• What time is it in Las Vegas?

Milly Robson

Is nine, and is in intensive care after eating Bridge Farm ice-cream.

Pat’s obviously fretting over the folks that are still in hospital – she’s worried about her business, but she also would rather no-one died.

To add to her woe, she’s very aware that she could be sued.

[Pat] “I never imagined anyone might sue me because I hurt their child”

Helen’s not much help.

Pat asked her whether she would sue if something like this happened to her Henry – she said yes.

Which was the truth, but I think she could have lied. Just this once.

Course, Pat’s right that if they do get sued – it’ll mean court – and it’ll mean this won’t go away for years.

Oh Clarrie. If only …


Sabrina tells Jim Lloyd to shut up

Bridge Farm has been named (and shamed) in the Borchester Echo as the source of the E. coli outbreak.


They used the rather bland statement Tony had written – but also focused on the kids (and slight mentions of the adults) in the article.

Seems this prompted Jim to talk about how bacteria develops even more lethal forms. But he met with strong opposition for being rather unsupportive of Pat, Tony and co.

[Helen] “Sabrina told him to shut up in the end .. .told him he wasn’t helping”

On yersel Sabrina!


Mr Foxy better scarper

As Will’s going up after him with a shotgun.

Which is fair enough. Mr Foxy did get half a dozen of Will’s birds (without even asking!).


The bank manager says no

Chris was still not very confident about his meeting with his bank manager. He’s not sure whether he’ll be seen as “ambitious” or “merely out to lunch”.

Chris was right to be nervous.

His bank manager did say no.

Although he thought Chris has a very sound business idea, and wanted to support him, the bank couldn’t stretch to £200,000.

But the bank then gave Chris a plan B.

That Chris buys the core business from Ronnie (the client list, and such), but he only rents the premises, with an option to buy later.

So it’s now down to whether Ronnie will agree to that.

(and I must get the name of Chris’ Bank Manager. Stunning that he gave Chris an option – my Bank manager tends to say ‘no’ until he eventually relents after a few weeks of cajoling and shouting …).


Nic’s home

Nic is loving that her kid are turning into country kids:

[Nic] “And I never want to live anywhere else”

Which, as Will points out, is a complete change of heart from when Nic first moved to Ambridge.

Ah – welcome home indeed, Nic.


What time is it in Las Vegas?

Alice and Chris are waiting to start the celebrations of their first year anniversary when it hits the right time in Las Vegas.

They have something to celebrate with the bank’s agreement to a Plan B – so when the right time comes, they start a very private celebration …

The Archers Wednesday 27th July 2011: Chris needs £200,000

• The Chelsea Chop
• Bets on for Robert Snell booking Rage Against the Machine?
• Shame about Oscar, Happy about Coriander
• Matt plays a birthday card
• No hoo-ha at Alice’s graduation?
• 85p for a can of tomatoes … outrageous!
• No-one compares to Helen
• “Crazy Punt” Chris?
• Elizabeth misses Roy
• Alice isn’t buying Bridge Farm ice-cream
• The crack barn?

The Chelsea Chop

Lynda’s still on about Gardeners Question Time.

She took their advice to keep her flowers working longer and harder – seems if you cut back late flowering perennials, it’s called the Chelsea Chop.


Bets on for Robert Snell booking Rage Against the Machine?

Lynda’s trying to guess what type of music Robert’s organised for their garden party on Sunday.

He’s keeping it a surprise, so Lynda has no idea whether it’ll be a string quartet or a brass band.

Wonder if Robert will take the surprise even further?
 


Shame about Oscar, Happy about Coriander Bamford

Seems Jason has work on in the Netherlands, so he, Oscar and Coriander can’t make it to the party on Sunday.

Can’t say I’ll miss Coriander. I know she’s supposed to be ‘nicer’ than Leonie, but she still often doesn’t make for pleasant listening. Especially when she gets snippy about Lynda’s adoration of Oscar.


Matt plays a birthday card

Seems Matt also won’t be at the Snells’ party – it’s the same day as his birthday.

Lilian is still going, as (the very odious) James and Leonie will be in attendance.

Quite right too, Matt. Feet up. Large glass of whisky. Radio 4. Marvellous.


No hoo-ha at Alice’s graduation?

Is it just me, or is the damp squib count increasing in Ambridge?

Alice had to go back to Southampton for her graduation ceremony (she got a 2:1), accompanied by Chris, Brian and Jennifer.

And that was that, really.

No resurrection of Chas (actually not even a mention of Chas – Chris only mumbled that he wasn’t looking forward to spending the day with Brian and Jennifer).

Pfft.


85p for a can of tomatoes … outrageous!

[Susan] “You have to expect to pay a little bit extra here, for the convenience of having the shop on your doorstep, and when you think about what you spend on petrol going to the supermarket …”

I do agree with Susan, but there’s ‘a little bit’, and there’s taking the Michael.



No-one compares to Helen

Susan and Lynda are worried about Rhys’ forthcoming flat warming party. There could be noise – it could spill out into the Green – there’s could be cans and bottles scattered far and wide.

It wasn’t fair of them to compare Rhys to that weird Jonti chap who had lived (and ran away from) No.3 – but it was utterly unrealistic to compare him to Helen.

Of course Helen was the perfect tenant. Her idea of a wild time was a glass of wine, a box of chocolates and a DVD.


“Crazy Punt” Chris?

Chris was worried about his meeting with his bank manager. He’d spent plenty of time working on his business plan – and Alice had every confidence in him – but Chris reckoned that his bank manager would think his plan was a “crazy punt” and that he had “crazy expectations”.

Seems Chris needs £200,000 – and would have to raise at least £50,000 by April to at least have some sort of deposit.

Ouch.


Elizabeth misses Roy

But not in ‘that’ way. She just misses “Mr Dependable”.

But it’ll be her turn to have a holiday soon. She and twins will be off to Cornwall in September.


Alice isn’t buying Bridge Farm ice-cream

But not because of the E. coli – she reckons it’s just too expensive.

Which is very sensible, as she and Chris do need to save.

Would seem that Jennifer was kinda right that Alice isn’t living the life accustomed. Alice admits herself that she had been used to everything “provided on demand” by her parents.

But, as Chris pointed out, she got her degree through her own hard work – and at least she isn’t running a mile now that money isn’t flowing.

That’s love for you.

Alice reckons Chris is her “hero”.

And they have managed to get through a whole year of marriage. Their anniversary is tomorrow.

Aw. Sweet.


The crack barn?

Did I hear that right?

Did Elizabeth say that Pat has cancelled her stall ion the “crack barn” at the Garden Festival?