Where did Robert go wrong with Leonie? 19.04.12

The Archers Thursday 19^th April 2012

• Leonie’s annoying Mr & Mrs Pickering
• A surprise for Elizabeth’s birthday
• Lynda tackles Leonie
• Lily ate horse
• Leonie is Robert’s fault?
• Hurrah for Maxie!

Leonie’s annoying Mr & Mrs Pickering

Mr Pickering has already complained about how loud Leonie had the TV on. And Robert had to, last night, tell her to turn it down again.

She’d also downed a bottle of wine.

[Robert] “She was rather drunk. And maudlin”

Then she raided the fridge, dropped a bottle of milk, and didn’t make a good job of cleaning up after herself.

If Jazzer didn’t turn up to Ambridge Hall soon that morning, there wouldn’t even be enough milk for Mr & Mrs Pickering.

AND Leonie didn’t put the shower curtain in the bath after her shower, so Robert had to mop us a “small lake”. She also used all of the towels.

[Robert] “Leonie, you don’t seem to understand”

If we remember a week or so back, and as Robert reminds Leonie, Mr & Mrs Pickering had booked an extra week at Ambridge Hall because of the peace and quiet.

[Robert] “We can only afford to continue living in the house by taking in B&B guests”

Leonie doesn’t understand, care or seem to accept that Robert and Lynda are trying to run a business. She reckons they have enough “dosh”.

[Robert] “You’re perfectly welcome to stay, but you must observe some basic rules”

Robert then asked Leonie how long she was going to stay with them. Especially considering she had only taken a week off of work. So Leonie thinks he’s trying to get rid of her, Robert thinks he’s just trying to be practical.

[Robert] “I’ve tried, Lyndy, I’ve really tried, but she twists everything I say … and obviously feels that the depths of her misery is ample excuse for her inappropriate behaviour”

Sounds like Lynda and Robert’s patience is running out. Though they sympathise, Lynda reckons they actually don’t want her at Ambridge Hall if she keeps on like this.

[Lynda] “Seriously Robert, she can’t just loaf about here indefinitely”

A surprise for Elizabeth’s birthday

Involves Jill, Lily and a gateau.

Seems Lily has been inspired during her trip to France.

[Jill] “I’m a bit nervous, to be honest. It’s not something I’ve tried to make before, and it involves a lot of chocolate”

Lynda tackles Leonie

Lynda tells Leonie that she’s heard from Lilian that James also isn’t a happy chappy.

[Leonie] “And she told you James is suffering?”

Slightly not the point, as Lynda wants to give Leonie a kick up the proverbial to get her moving again.

[Lynda] “I want you to think about your future”

Leonie hears that as Lynda also wanting to get rid of her.

[Leonie] “First James, and now you”

(aha – so James did dump Leonie)

Lily ate horse

Though Lower Loxley was slightly quieter than previous Easters (visitors are tightening their belt):

[Elizabeth] “What I really noticed was how quiet it was without Lily”

Lily had a wonderful time in France, and can now speak French with confidence.

[Elizabeth] “It really gets up Freddie’s nose … he’s not good at … and she said she’d eaten horse!”

Oh poor Freddie. Don’t wind the wee lad up. He can’t spot sarcasm … bless.

Leonie is Robert’s fault?

[Robert] “Always at the back of my mind, if I hadn’t left their mother, if I hadn’t walked out on the family …”

[Lynda] “But your Coriander’s father too, and you couldn’t wish for a more charming and well-adjusted young woman”

[Robert] “So what went wrong with Leonie?”

[Lynda] “She’s always been … well …”

[Robert] “Unhappy”

[Lynda] “Yes. There’s a kind of profound pessimism about her”

Lynda thinks Leonie needs a strong bout of counselling, but Robert would dare suggest that to Leonie.

Well, Leonie is annoying. But she’s not as bad as Kate. And Leonie no longer forming a tag team with the odious James is a positive development. I reckon.

Hurrah for Maxie!

Leonie asks Robert to borrow a transit van. It for her. Pick up her stuff from James’. Drive it back to Ambridge Hall. And store her stuff there.

While (and this is the important bit) she moves in with her friend Maxie in London. Tomorrow.

[Lynda] “Don’t worry Leonie. Tomorrow will be absolutely fine”

Phew! Thank goodness for that.

Lynda and Lilian face-off 18.04.12

The Archers Wednesday 18th April 2012

• Jazzer’s neighbours moved out in a hurry
• Lynda “has a delicate matter to discuss” with Lilian
• Jack ate his lunch, Elona likes ironing
• Peggy interested in farm management software
• Back to “is Elona a bad ‘un?”

Jazzer’s neighbours moved out in a hurry

Which is not good news for Lilian (it’s her flats).

Lilian was worried about them having been driven out by Jazzer’s antics (Harry never gets any blame, though remember Jazzer being woken up by Robbie Williams at stupid o’ clock one night).

But when Brenda went round to check the flat that had just been vacated, she reckoned the soundproofing was great – she couldn’t hear Jazzer’s TV from downstairs, even though it was blazing.

[Brenda] “He did say they weren’t very friendly”

[Lilian] “Which in Jazzer’s book probably means quiet and sober”

Sounds like the tenants were themselves to blame. Brenda found the flat  in a  bit of a mess – untidy and broken furniture – and they’d also left just before their next rent was due. So the deposit may cover the damage, but Lilian will lose out if she doesn’t get another tenant in as quick as.

Which means quick repairs. So Brenda suggests Elona’s Darrell as the very chap.

Lynda “has a delicate matter to discuss” with Lilian

[Lynda] “Have you spoken to James in the last couple of days?”

[Lilian] “Ah, this is about the end of the affair is it?”

[Lynda] “So far we have completely failed to ascertain what happened … what is was that James did?”

[Lilian] “What James did? …If I’d been in his shoes, I’d have given up long ago. But he’s finally admitted it. That girl has serious problems … oh come on Lynda, don’t pretend you think she’s a ray of sunshine!”

[Lynda] “Well she can be a bit difficult …”

[Lilian] “James’ patience was tried to the limit, and he felt he could no longer continue pandering to Leonie’s childish neurosis”

[Lynda] “Well I suggest she was tired of being kicked around by a man who hasn’t matured beyond adolescence”

[Lilian] “Are you calling my son immature?”

[Lynda] “If the cap fits … I never understand what Leonie saw in him!”

[Lilian] “Yes well, you’re an appalling judge of character”

[Lilian] “I beg your pardon!”

[Lynda] “Now, I think you’d better leave Lynda before one of us says something we’ll regret”

Now while I expect Lilian to hear no wrong about James (she takes a mother’s blindness to extremes), what’s Lynda up to? She knows Leonie is a bit odd and annoying. So, why get involved?

Though Brenda hasn’t been in the room, Lilian gave her a full rundown. She later reckoned to Tom that it ended in a stalemate.

[Tom] “Sad though. If there’s one thing you can say about James and Leonie, they really deserved each other!”

Jack ate his lunch, Elona likes ironing

Elona was telling Peggy that Jack gave her a big smile after he’d finished all of his lunch. Sounds like he’s doing quite well, considering.

Elona’s at Peggy’s doing her general cleaning and helping shift. Today, Peggy had a large pile of ironing to do, while Elona is more than happy about – she seemingly loved a freshly pressed, tidy piles of clothes.

She tells Peggy that she and the family love it in Ambridge. Especially since they’ve got to know their neighbours Tom and Brenda. Seems Tom helped Darrell with a flat tyre the other day, and Elona is having a cuppa with Brenda later on.

Well I never!

Tom being helpful, Brenda being hospitable!


Peggy interested in farm management software

Or, she was just trying to show an interest to (in turn) show encouragement to Tom.

She made the right noises when he showed her how the modules talk to each other (!), and also when he excitedly told her that he now has a complete record of every animal, and the cost per kilo of every part of meat they produce.

(actually, that does sound quite nifty)

Peggy is still worried about Tony’s health, but is also worried about Tom overworking. So maybe her delight in the new system is her hope that he can get more time to relax.


Back to “is Elona a bad ‘un?”

Hmmm.

Elona was having her brew with Brenda.

She spent most of her time telling Brenda about how expensive the live in Ambridge – the cost of anything from the village shop, and the cost of having to drive the kids everywhere – Darrell not having enough work – Anna needing piano lessons (and a piano!) but them not able to afford it …

I think she was about to sting Brenda for a few notes, bit Tom walked in (with a 1950s hubby-returning-from-work “Heeellooooo”. Numpty).

[Brenda] “She is a really nice woman”

I really do have my doubts, again.

The Super Dairy goes before Planning 17.04.12

The Archers Tuesday 17th April 2012

• All go at Brookfield
• Hattie Marshall speaks for everyone
• Odds against
• Linda at the back and quiet!?!
• The Environment Agency don’t care for deadlines
• Appalling Planning Officer
• The Councillors make a decision
• Pat and Brian, both confident

All go at Brookfield

The slurry tank foundations are going down at Brookfield

The badgers will be irritated. But bets on they’ll find a way to climb …


Hattie Marshall speaks for everyone

Well, all those who oppose the Super Dairy.

(I thought she sounded, very suspiciously, like Kirsty)

At the Planning meeting, Hattie gets to make a statement on behalf of the anti-lobby.

[Hattie] “The problem with milk is the farm gate price. Ordinary farmers are being paid less than the cost of production. And units like this, whose stated aim is to drive down costs, will simply compound the problem and force conventional dairy farmers out of business … We face the real prospect of cows in the fields disappearing from our countryside, they’ll all be in vast industrial complexes like the one proposed here. Now, BL would have us believe that cows prefer to be indoors, lolling about on sand, rather than out in the fields grazing. Would they, I wonder, argue that because children prefer lolling about on sofas watching television, it’s better for them than to be outside playing?”

(ooh – that’s a bit of a rubbish argument, in my humble opinion)

[Hattie] “So, let us turn to the environmental consequences … (interrupted) I will refrain from voicing my criticism of the aesthetic appeal of the building, we can all recognise an eyesore when we see one”

Hattie’s speech sounded very long (though we didn’t have to sit through it all). The Chair (Townsend) had a hard time pushing her on. She also talked about the strong chance of Ammonia and nitrogen oxygen emissions – potential accidents causing environmental disaster – concerns about:

[Hattie] “the future of countryside, the future of British Farming, and indeed the planet!”

[Pat] “Have you seen Brian’s face?”

[Ruth] “He looks really fed up, doesn’t he!”

Odds against

Brian was very chummy with Councillor Townsend. Seems they bonded over the planning for the Mart.

Townsend also doesn’t sound like one to tolerate ‘lefties’.

[Townsend] “And who are this lot?”

[Brian] “I’m afraid our opponents have sent out a three line whip”

[Townsend] “Planning meetings aren’t usually so popular”

[Brian] “They could be a bit hostile, I’m afraid”

[Townsend] “Don’t worry. Any trouble, I’ll clear the public gallery”

As Pat and Ruth later discussed:

[Pat] “He and Brian got to be very matey during the planning stages of the market …”

[Ruth] “So much for the impartiality of the Chair”

Quite.


Lynda at the back and quiet!?!

What on earth?

Though  Lynda was at the Planning meeting, not a peep.

Quite bizarre.

Actually, Kirsty and Brenda were also there. But silent.

It was only Pat and Ruth (of the Ambridge residents) who uttered a word. Though Pat really did make up for everyone …


The Environment Agency don’t care for deadlines

Their report hadn’t arrived before the planning meeting.

Their report hadn’t arrived during the planning meeting.

And their report hadn’t arrived by the end of the meeting.

Which left the decision at the mercy of the …


Appalling Planning Officer

What is it with some Council officials and their overinflated sense of importance and intelligence?

The Planning Officer was an awful person.

He approved the application, which is no bad thing in itself.

But then proceeded to interrupt Councillors (elected officials!) to correct their opinions.

Their opinions, mind. Which is the entire point of the Council process.

The officers make their recommendations. As do other experts. The Councillors debate. And a consensus is formed (or not, but either way at least all opinions are heard).

This particular Planning Officer had decided that the Super Dairy should go ahead, and didn’t want to hear anything against it.

Nasty little man.


The Councillors make a decision

Or not. As is apt to happen at Councils.

Esther Sutton was the first Councillor to speak. She almost broke out in a rendition of Jerusalem – that she’d been on the Council for over 20 years, “rural England as its finest and picturesque”, that she was at first appalled about the prospect of a Super Dairy, but after studying the information she’d changed her mind. Esther had decided that in 2012, during a recession, the priorities should be jobs and investment.

[Pat, shouting out] “What about all the conventional dairy farmers whose jobs will disappear?”

[Martin Sykes, a Councillor] “You’ve been taken in by the hype Esther!”

[Ruth] “If you met her in the street you’d put her down as a real countrywoman”

Martin Sykes then waded back in. He has that is Esther couldn’t see the reality of the Super Dairy, she needed her eyes tested (oo-er!). And that the DVD Brian was so proud of was:

[Martin Sykes] “A little fantasy production … as Postman Pat does to the Royal Mail …  a blatant piece of greenwash”

Hah! Hope someone tells PR guru Rufus that he didn’t win them all over.

Anyhoo – because of the lack of the Environment Agency report – the chairperson (Brian’s lackey) decided that they’d have to vote on whether they delay their decision … and hand it over to that nasty we Planning Officer! The vote went for that way forward, which means the Planning Officer gets to decide whether Ambridge gets a Super Dairy.

Outrageous!



Pat and Brian, both confident
Though dealt a blow, Pat thinks the battle is far from lost. She thinks it’s not a done deal, and that the Environment Agency won’t ever pass the Super Dairy.

[Pat] “They know it’s a really dodgy proposition”

But Brian is just as positive. He even makes a beeline for the media to make a statement on the radio.

Alan’s burnt his nose 16.04.12

The Archers Monday 16^th April 2012

• Alan and Usha are back from Marrakech
• Amy’s back from her weekend
• What’s the problem with Carl?
• Hattie Marshall is “alternative”
• Heavy lorries
• Jennifer is bored
• Mildew in the wheat
• What’s James’ side of the argument?

Alan and Usha are back from Marrakech

They had a lovely time, but Alan is also quite glad to get back to his own bed, and to being cool again. He has a sunburnt nose.

[Alan] “I’m from Yorkshire; we don’t really do blazing sunshine!”

Usha does not concur.

[Usha] “It was just what I needed … proper sunshine”

But we’ll leave it to Alan to tell us why we should all visit Marrakech.

[Alan] “You’ve got to put it in your list of places to visit before you do … and it’s so pink”

Um … okay … right you are, Alan.

Amy’s back from her weekend

Though Alan was a bit surprised she came back home rather than staying at Carl’s – she came straight back after midnight.

[Amy] “It was quite wonderful … brilliantly, fabulously wonderful”

Amy and Carl stayed in a lovely, huge, luxurious room.

Though Alan rather naïvely asked Amy what they did … Amy answered ‘walks’ … hmmm.

What’s the problem with Carl?

I don’t know if I’m missing something – but (a) why is Amy keeping Carl at arm’s length from her nearest and dearest and (b) why is Alan, Usha and Alice so desperate to meet him?

[Usha] “You always imagine the worst”

[Alan] “I worry about her. She seems so keen on this bloke”

Amy thinks Alice is so interested because she and Chris are on a budget, which means:

[Usha] “She has to get her thrills vicariously”

Still odd that they are all so obsessed with meeting Carl. But I agree with Alan that it’s just as od d that Amy is being so secretive.

[Amy] “He’s my boyfriend, I don’t have to share him around”

Ach well, we’ll meet Carl sooner or later.

Hattie Marshall is “alternative”

It’s planning meeting eve.

Lynda’s a bit perturbed to hear Alan say that he isn’t going to the Planning Meeting. He reckons he’s already “alienated half” of his family. He also doesn’t see what good it would do. The Super Dairy will march on regardless.

Lynda argues that not all of the planning committee are decided, and they are also unaware of how strong public opinion is against the Super Dairy. Coming back to Hattie Marshall as their secret weapon – Lynda boasts about just how articulate Hattie can be.

[Alan] “Though she’s a bit, alternative … combat trousers and a nose ring”

Whatever could Adam mean by that …???

[Lynda] “You shouldn’t judge people by their appearance, Adam”

Quite right Lynda.

Adam should know better. But then again, he is the spawn of Jennifer …

Heavy lorries

Will be on their way through Ambridge if the Super Dairy goes ahead.

One went by Lynda today, which she got uppity about.

But it was actually going to Brookfield (it’s the start of the materials for the new Tank being delivered).

Wait until Lynda hears about Brookfield’s new system also meaning the cows will be in for longer.

Jennifer is bored

Of Brian’s incessant rambling about the Super Dairy.

With the Planning Meeting looming, it really is all he can think about, talk about and do.

Kevin Townsend says Esther Sutton is in favour of the dairy, says Brian.

[Brian] “She’s about 105, she’s been on the council forever … well, she’s got to be outing 80 … she’s really old school … an arch traditionalist,. All in favour of cows in fields and milk maids with stools”

And it’s okay about the impact on the crayfish in the Am – they sorted that out by just filling out a few forms.

(will no one think of the crayfish?!?)

But the Environmental Health Agency haven’t as yet filled their report. Which could scupper the planning meeting.

No wonder Jennifer is bored and find escape at Grey Gables’ swimming pool.

Mildew in the wheat

Adam has found mildew in the Home Farm wheat.

Brian could care less.

Trouble at Home Farm while Brian’s absorbed in the Super Dairy?

What’s James’ side of the argument?

Lynda’s certainly keen to know. Actually, Leonie isn’t even revealing what the argument (which split them up) was about in the first place.

[Lynda] “We’ve had a comprehensive run down of james’ character flows, his personal habits and his unfortunate choice of friends, but we’re none the wiser what precipitated the parting of ways”

[Jennifer] “I think it’s something of a miracle the relationship lasted long as it did … they do say every cloud has a silver lining”

Quite agree Jennifer. Though hope the Leonie-in-Ambridge situation isn’t too prolonged.

Leonie leaves James 15.04.12

(not sure if that should raise a ‘hurrah’ or a ‘Leonie moping … oh bother)

The Archers Sunday 15^th April 2012

• Tony’s tired
• There’s no room at the (Ambridge) Hall
• James is a sadist, and it’s all Lilian’s fault
• Hattie Marshall to the rescue!

Tony’s tired

He slept in until 10am (unheard of, even for a Sunday). Which annoys him.

But he’s more annoyed about being so tired. He wants to be able to do both milkings but, after gentle persuasion from Pat and Yom, he decides that he should just stick to the afternoon milking, and office work.

There’s no room at the (Ambridge) Hall

Lynda and Robert’s B&B business seems to be flourishing.

Mr and Mrs Pickering want to stay another week:

[Lynda] “Mr Pickering is full of praise for your skill with a frying pan!”

And another couple are arriving shortly. So it’s a full house.

The Leonie calls.

She’s left James, and is on a train (with only her handbag and her phone) to Ambridge, expecting to be able to stay.

When she’s told that they’re packed:

[Leonie] “But, I’m family, and this is an emergency!”

Lynda Robert and Robert manage to squeeze Leonie into Robert’s office, on a child’s fold out bed. Though, as Lynda says, why doesn’t Leonie have any friends to stay with …

Still, must be better than sharing a bed with James Bellamy …

James is a sadist, and it’s all Lilian’s fault

On Robert asking Leonie what happened to make her flee James:

[Leonie] “J is what happened … that man is a complete barbarian!”

[Robert] “Was he violent?”

[Leonie] “No … no of course not. Well not physically anyway. He’s an emotional sadist. He finds the most sensitive party of your soul, sticks the knife in and twists until the pain becomes unbearable … and it’s obvious where he gets it from, his mother”

[Robert] “Lilian?”

[Leonie] “He is such a mummy’s boy, whatever little James wants, little James will have .. he has never learnt empathy, he has absolutely no understanding of how other people feel, particularly women, he’s utterly selfish and grotesquely immature”

(I know – I can hear you shouting it along with me – pot, kettle, black)

Later on, as Robert and Lynda get her room ready:

[Robert] “I know Leonie can be difficult”

[Lynda] “Robert, the poor girl is suffering … she showed such sensitivity about the peregrines”

(mais non. Lynda is unaware that Leonie was only caring about Leonie)

When Leonie arrives at Ambridge Hall:

[Leonie] “I really don’t want to talk about that man anymore”

[Lynda] “Although I have to say Leonie, I’m not entirely surprised … I’ve always thought James Bellamy was a bit of a narcissistic … rather too fond of his own voice … course he takes after his mother in that respect …”

[Leonie, delighted that Lynda concurs] “And he didn’t have the first idea about country life … that business with the peregrines … no more empathy for wild creatures than he has for his fellow humans. And he wasn’t a very good photographer … Why do I pick the wrong men all the time, why do I end up with such losers?”

So she cries to Lynda, while Robert tries to make them have a cup of tea (and shoosh Lynda from being so negative about James … we know what’ll happen when/if Leonie and James get back together).

Hattie Marshall to the rescue!

Pat gets a call from Martin Sykes – who (Pat tells us) is a Councillor, is on the Planning committee meeting, and is ever-so-slightly on the Free the Ambridge Cow side of the debate. He also gives Pat the inside nod about what Brian’s been up to.

[Pat] “That wretched DVD of Brian’s has gone to every councillor …Implying they’re  free to wander out whenever they like it … gross misrepresentation!”

Though Pat is allowed to speak at the Planning meeting, Hattie Marshall most certainly is (as chair of Borchester Against Factory Farming).

So – it’s not over until the Hattie lady sings!

Thieves and Propagandists 13.04.12

The Archers Friday 13th April 2012

• Bridge Farm is robbed
• Brian unveils his DVD

Bridge Farm is robbed

Someone has broken into one of the sheds at Bridge Farm during the night, even though it was padlocked.

[Tom] “They’re only as secure as the screws holding the fastenings”

They only stole a quad bike, but that’s bad enough.

Pat, Tony and Tom wonder how they knew that the quad bike was in that particular shed. There is a window, but it would have been too dark to see through it.

(erm, something to do with Tom’s photographs and films being on the internet?)

When Tony calls David to start spreading the word to other farms that there is a gang about, Brian also listens in to Tony’s call (David puts him on speakerphone).

[Brian] “Very irritating for you”

(huh! There’s a man who can afford to lose a quad bike, unlike Tony and co)

They all agree it does sound like it was a gang who are “stealing to order”. They reckon they’re lucky the gang hasn’t got an order for a tractor.

Tony’s also annoyed that the security lights were useless

[Tony] “Fat lot of good that did us”

(aye – that was Tom’s idea)

When Pat and Ruth are talking about it later on:

[Pat] “When he got to the shed …”

[Ruth] “The cupboard was bare … the thought of someone roaming around in your yard at night”

[Pat] “It’s only an object, isn’t it … though Tony was very relieved his MG was still there!”

(nice to see Tony still has some priorities out of the farm).

They reckon the quad bike is probably being shipped to Eastern Europe.

[Pat] “It’s typical, just when we start to get back on our feet, this comes along”

(odd. Pat seemed quite positive when she was speaking to Ruth).


Brian unveils his DVD

To David.

Who is in a tricky position. He’s against the Super Dairy (as a dairy farmer himself), but has to be open and fair as he’s also NFU president.

[David] “Are you pleased with it?”

[Brian] “Very … should dispel a few myths … address the concerns that have been raised by certain elements … these are going to be the most pampered cows in the county!”

Meanwhile, Pat’s telling Ruth about Ed saying no to doing the newspaper feature as he doesn’t want to rock the boat (he rents BL land).

[Pat] “The influence that wretched company has around here, they really need to be shown they don’t rule the roost!”

So by the time Ruth gets home, she’s fuming. Unfortunately for Brian, he doesn’t realise and starts waxing lyrical about the DVD …

[Ruth] “You’re had a promotional video made … how much did that cost .. .you;re really pulling out all of the stops … this is yet another example of BL using its financial muscle to get its own way … we think the arguments against this dairy is insurmountable …!”

Ruth reckons is just propaganda, and it’s “plain wrong”.

That’ll be both Ruth and Pat back on the warpath then.

The Borchestershire Flagon 12.04.12

The Archers Thursday 12th April 2012

• Vicky’s Lobelia crazy!
• Pip’s a sponge
• Mike’s a fibber
• Jim doesn’t like Brian
• Challenge Alan
• Hello Ifty!

Vicky’s Lobelia crazy!

She’s plating red ones, next to white ones, next to blue ones.

Yup, you guessed it. She’s being patriotic for the Jubilee, and for Britain in Bloom (though Mike does point out that they’re too far out of the village for the judges to visit them).


Pip’s a sponge

She learns something at Uni, then comes home and sees it everywhere.

Today, she’s worried that some of the young calves might have Bovine Viral Diarrhoea (BVD). She just learnt about it at Uni.

[Pip] “BVD … did you know it’s the most significant economic viral disease in castle, bit just here but in Ireland and America as well .. scouring is one of the major symptoms”

Actually, David did know all of that (clever clogs!), and tells her that the problem with BVD is that you generally can’t spot it until it’s too late. And there may be other reasons for diarrhoea.

When Mike pops by, they tell him they might have a BVD problem (if Pip isn’t just being hysterical).

[Mike] “Ooh ay, you don’t want that!”

Very helpful, that was Mike.

David agrees to get Alistair in to take a proper look, but he cautions Pip to not start panicking.

[David] “Let’s not meet trouble half way”

After Alistair has been, David confirms that it probably isn’t BVD – likely to just be them being turned out onto grass for the first time.

But to be sure, they need to keep them away from the pregnant animals, and also be extra careful with hygiene.

Now that that’s sorted (for the time being):

[David] “I’m going to self-medicate. With some Grundy cider!”

Mike’s a fibber

Jim’s doling out the Cider Club’s share of the Community orchard cider (produced by Grundy enterprises).

But Mike turns up with a slightly larger than usual flagon.

[Mike] “That’s a standard Borchestershire flagon, that is”

When Jim queries how many litres it holds:

[Mike] “Oh now, this is an ancient traditional measure, you wouldn’t use litres”

When Jim then asks how many pints, Mike responds that it’s a flagon!

Jim is not convinced, so goes away to get a measuring jug. Bert Fry asks Mike what on earth he’s on about.

[Mike] “Just back me up, alright!”

Seems Mike was never taken-in by Jim’s mathematical magic in working out what gets what share of the cider.

[Bert] “It looked complicated enough”

[Mike] “He blinded us with science”

Seems Mike won his argument. Though I found it a bit odd David got his share from the Grundy share (David is a member of the club, but didn’t do any work on the Community Orchard – that leaves it up to him and the Grundys to work out what/why he gets from their share).

As they sup up, all agree it’s a grand drop.

[Jim] “Enough for a very convivial year ahead”

Jim doesn’t like Brian

Or his Super Dairy.

[Jim] “He really is the most insufferable pompous self-centred man, don’t you think?”

[Vicky] “Well, he can be quite charming at times”

[Jim] “Yes, I grant you, he can put in a carapace face of charm when he’s trying to sugar-coat this megalomaniac scheme to blight our glorious countryside with a monstrous industrial edifice”

Jim is also furious that BL are trying to bride local opinion with cash donations and pints of shires.

[Jim] “Then he’s heading for the biggest disappointment since Sibinus trusted the word of Ambiorix the Gaul, and we all know how that ended!”

[Vicky] “Erm, was he the one with the potion?”

Well, Vicky guessed better than I could have!


Challenge Alan

I’ve been very slow to pick up on that joke … ho hum.

Bert was today remarking on the change in Jim – that he’s back to his cantankerous old self after finishing Alan’s lent challenge (so it was really Alan’s Challenge, but I won’t split hairs).

On the other hand, Vicky is delighted that normal service has resumed.

[Vicky] “Let’s just say that some people aren’t born to make compliments”

Hello Ifty!

Iftikhar (who everyone calls Ifty) popped into the Village shop today, on his way to find the cricket ground.

Vicky seems quite giddy as she’s talking to him. When he mentions that everyone’s welcome to come to the youth nets (including girls):

[Vicky] “Ooh, I think I’m a bit too old!”

(though he didn’t pay a compliment of saying she didn’t look too old).

After he’d left:

[Vicky] “Ooh he’s lovely isn’t he, I’m not surprised about the girls .. they’ll be flocking to nets!”

Now love interest for Helen/Fallon/Kirsty ahoy!

Anyhoo – back to the business in hand. Seems Ifty is happy enough that girls do come to nets. Though he concurs with local opinion that only boys and girls of primary age can play together. Older ones can practise fitness together, but not skills.

Ifty sounds like quite a nice chap indeed. He’s volunteered to work with the young ‘uns because:

[Ifty] “I got my chance when I was young because people offered their time”

Greensleeves abused in propaganda DVD 11.04.12

Archers Wednesday 11th April 2012

• Amy buys a new dress
• Brian’s propaganda machine
• Native crayfish might scupper the Super Dairy
• Jennifer does the washing up
• Pat in shopping shock!
• Ed hasn’t got freedom to speak

Amy buys a new dress

For her weekend away with Carl.

Though she wants to go to Westbury, Alice advises that she might want to have a perusal in Underwoods lingerie department …


Brian’s propaganda machine

Has now marched on to DVD.

He reckons it’s quite “persuasive”. And Jennifer seems very impressed by the voiceover bloke.

[Jennifer] “Oh, lovely tamper … I could listen to him all day, even if he is talking about anaerobic digestion”

All sounds a bit iffy to me. And the use (abuse) of Greensleeves as background music is just outrageous!


Native crayfish might scupper the Super Dairy

What a picture that paints!

While Brian is delighted that the Council’s Chief Planning Officer is recommending approval to the planning committee, he’s not so happy that the Environment Agency has not submitted its report. They seem especially worried about the slurry and BL underestimating what could happen if it leaks. So they want another risk assessment.

That falls to some chap called Bryn to do.

Which isn’t good news for Bryn, as Brian reckons he’s also missed covering (in his first report) the risk that the Super Dairy will pose to native crayfish in the Am. Something that Borchester Wildlife Trust had to point out.

So it’s Free The Ambridge Cow and now also Save The Ambridge Crayfish!


Jennifer does the washing up

Deary me.

Jennifer and Alice are rubbish at communicating with each other.

Alice is irritated that Jennifer pops round to her and Chris’ so often. Jennifer is blissfully unaware that her frequent visits are indeed irritating.

After Alice gets back from shopping with Amy, she finds Jennifer already in her house, with a leftover casserole (Alice had already cooked lasagne) and doing her dishes.

[Alice, annoyed] “You shouldn’t’ have … no, I mean it mum. You shouldn’t have!”

Oops. Jennifer will be mortified, though it may get Alice and Chris a bit of privacy. She’ll be wanting to get that Blacksmith’s apron on again soon …


Pat in shopping shock!

When Amy and Alice were in Underwoods, Alice was a bit chocked to see Pat there.

[Alice] “Are you shopping Pat?”

[Pat, not sure whether to be confused or insulted] “Yes”

[Alice] “Rather than delivering, I mean”

[Pat] “I don’t usually deliver to ladies wear”

Silly Alice.


Ed hasn’t got freedom to speak

Pat asks Ed if he’ll be interviewed for an anti-Super Dairy newspaper feature – showing that big isn’t always beautiful.

He doesn’t sound convinced. Even though Pat runs through all the arguments for cows lasting longer at his dairy, that he sells local, and that the feature will be good for his business.

[Ed] “But no. no it’s not something I could go ahead with … I’m afraid so. Well I dunno if you know, but I rent a bit of estate land”

Seems Mike had a word with Ed after Ed spoke out against at the Parish Council meeting to discuss the Super Dairy. Mike reckons he was taking a right going publically against BL, who could then decide to not renew his rental of the land.

[Pat] “They wouldn’t be that petty, surely … you can’t allow yourself be intimidated like that”

[Ed] “I’m sorry pat, I've got too much too loose … I’m still against this mega diary … but I can’t go rocking the boat like that”

That’s a bit weak of Ed to not stand up, but understandable considering his business is still fairly new.

Wonder what Brian would have to say about it? I think Pat and Ed are wrong just to assume that he’d punish Ed for having his own mind.

Lynda says “behoves” 10.04.12

The Archers Tuesday 10th April 2012

• Ruth is being unladylike (again)
• Alan and Usha off to Marrakech
• Derek Fletcher’s gnomes are always good for a laugh
• Tom and Brenda are a prime location
• Tom’s only got himself to blame
• Tony’s (staggered) return
• Phoebe and Josh still Facebooking
• Amy, alone in the vicarage
• Pat’s back on at the Super Dairy

Ruth is being unladylike (again)

[Usha] “That looks ungainly”

[Ruth] “Really Usha, and there was I admiring me style”

[Usha] “I meant the cow, one leg pulled out like that”

[Ruth] “Oh the more supported the better when you’re hoof trimming”

By making the cow look “ungainly”, Ruth makes sure she doesn’t get kicked, and it makes sure Ruth doesn’t cut too deep.

Win win.


Alan and Usha off to Marrakech

Very nice indeed.

Though Ruth would prefer the Cotswolds.



Derek Fletcher’s gnomes are always good for a laugh

Seems Derek Fletcher was still very much against the photo flyover.

[Pat] “Derek Fletcher said it was like living behind the iron curtain … a big brother society, apparently”

[Tom] “Did he think they were getting top secret shots of his gnome or something?”

Aye, laugh at the gnomes. Poor things can’t defend themselves.



Tom and Brenda are a prime location

According to Lynda,

As they’re on the Green, they’re crucial to the display for Ambridge’s Britain in Bloom display.

Lynda put the startling news across to them in her own special manner. She used the word “behoves”

[Pat] “Did she really say behoves?"

[Brenda] “I think it’s her word of the week … it behoves us to put on a magnificent floral display for the honour of the village”

Tom’s only got himself to blame

Tom left his phone at home.

Because of that, he missed 2 calls from customers.

So he blames the milking parlour for missing him opportunities. The missed phone calls, and that he can’t be out and about making more sales.

Silly Tom.


Tony’s (staggered) return

So, as Tom is now losing opportunities (so he reckons) he wants to get a relief dairyman in.

Which Tony hears about. And reckons it’s “obvious” that he should return to work instead.

Which Brenda agrees would be a good idea. In a staggered basis.

Later on, Tom thanks Brenda for helping him to have a more manageable workload.

[Brenda] “No problem. Anything that eases the load”

Anything?

Wonder if Brenda would actually put Tony in danger for her Tom. I think it’s too early for him to be back at work milking, considering he currently gets tired just having a wee walk.


Phoebe and Josh still Facebooking

Tell you. We’d better get new hats ready.


Amy, alone in the vicarage

Usha reckons Amy will be pleased to have the house to herself for a bit, while they go to Marrakech.

[Ruth] “Free access to the bathroom?”

[Usha] “Free access to the boyfriend!”

Though Amy still isn’t at the ‘meet the parents’ stage with Carl, Usha does think that it’s serious. Which hasn’t really happened for Amy before. So it’s also new for Alan.

[Usha] “He’s managing to be rationale about it. Keep on top of his primal instincts”

Usha also knows Amy won’t have any wild parties while they are away, and actually thinks it unlikely that she’ll even bring Carl back home. She’s sensitive to Alan, and knows that he doesn’t approve of them sleeping together before marriage (though wouldn’t interfere).

(right – so what’s the story with carl? Much older? Much younger? Wrong colour/religion/gender …???)


Pat’s back on at the Super Dairy

Which means Ruth is also roped in again (though Ruth isn’t complaining).

Pat’s been to see Hattie Marshall, who’s part of Borchester Against Factory Farming, She and Pat reckon that they need to do a final push before the Super Dairy comes up before the planning committee.

So they’re going to get an article in the Westbury Courier this Saturday, on Grange Farm and Ed Grundy. They want to prove that you don’t have to be big.

[Pat] “Happy unstressed cows rather than short lived milking machines”

Good luck with that. Rufus will have a plan already worked out for such an event.

The great photo flyover 09.04.12

The Archers Monday 9th April 2012

• James and Leonie still arguing
• Lily is off to France today
• Girls. Playing cricket!?!
• Lynda has ambitions
• Eddie nearly ruins the Horn
• Lynda’s latent racism
• Did you spot Leonie doesn’t care about the peregrines?

James and Leonie still arguing

At Robert and Lynda’s for breakfast before they get to their plane, James and Leonie are still at it.

(again not rudery, just barny)

James reckons their book is “photo driven”. Leonie does not concur.

[Leonie] “The photos have their place but their function is to illustrate my words”

[James] “No, your words are basically just long captions for the photographs. That was the whole concept!”

Leonie reckons it was her concept in the first place.

[James] “You’re wrong but let’s not discuss this now”

Oo-er.

On their way to the plane, they get lost. Even though they have a Sat Nav.

[James] “How do you explain the fact that we’re 180 degrees out of our way?”

Leonie reckons she put the postcode into the sat nav, but James gave her the postcode to put in. So it’s actually James’ fault.

[Leonie] “It’s always the same, you can’t get the simplest things and you always know what’s best!”

They’ll split up soon enough, surely.

Robert’s worried about them,

[Lynda] “Well, when it comes to James, there a lot to be scathing about … It’ll blow over, you’ll see”

Please. Just split up (and both go away, only to return every other Christmas)


Lily is off to France today

Not that we get to hear about it, or that James or Leonie are remotely interested when Lynda tells them.

Ach well. Bon Voyage, and all that.



Girls. Playing cricket!?!

Surely a step too far?

(obviously, I’m being sarcastic)

Alistair’s at The Bull for a quiet pint and his newspaper (while Shula works her socks off. Nice to see Alistair is ready and willing to help out).

Jamie’s also there doing his shift. They get talking about cricket (as they tend to do), and Jamie mentioned that Natalie had mentioned that she and some of her (girl) friends would want to join in the youth cricket.

[Alistair] “Jamie gave me an interesting conundrum … what about girls training?”

He and Robert agree that there’s nowt wrong with the female gender playing cricket. But they can’t play against blokes when they all get to a certain age (17, they reckon).

One assumes that’s something to do with the power of the ball being thrown or hit?

(I don’t know. Football is more my game. I support a Scottish 1st Division team who a bunch of girls could probably easily beat …).

Sounds like the girls can join in, but only if they play against each other.


Lynda has ambitions

For Britain in Bloom. She already seems Ambridge in the final.

[Alistair] “If you only aim for the moon, you’ll never reach the stars”

Quite.


Eddie nearly ruins the Horn

[Robert] “Where for art thou Jolene?”

She’s hanging out of the window, telling everyone to get into a horn shape for the flyover.

They do manage to get everyone together and waving, though Eddie nearly didn’t get his bit of the horn right in time.

So the plane flies over, the brownies parade their bonnets, the band strikes up and The Bull’s punters cheer.

[Alistair] “I’m beginning to think this wasn’t the place for a placid bank holiday break”

Lynda’s latent racism

Alistair mentioned to Lynda that a chap called Iftikhar is going to be running the youth cricket.

[Lynda] “Where’s he from?”

[Alistair] “Felpersham I think”

[Lynda] “I meant … no … Felpersham, of course …”

Oops Lynda. That was close.


Did you spot Leonie doesn’t care about the peregrines?

Calling Robert about after the flyover, Leonie’s furious with James (yet again). Seems he wanted to fly in low at the church to get a good shot of the peregrines.

Robert’s horrified! The peregrines would have been terrified.

Leonie quickly catches on that that’s the reason she should have given for not wanting to fly in.

Actually, she really didn’t give a hoot.

[Leonie] “And not to mention the danger to us. Birds and aircraft don’t mix”

(i.e. “me, me, me, me, me”)

So James is sulking that he didn’t get his shot. And Leonie is sulking with James.

*sigh*

Fallon stars as the Easter bunny 08.04.12

The Archers Sunday 8th April 2012

• The dawn service at Lakey Hill
• Brenda really holds Easter day sacred
• Lilian predicts a riot
• If the bedroom’s a rockin’ …
• No tattie harrowing = walk up Lakey Hill
• Fallon as the Easter bunny
• Ed and Will in The Bull
• Big build up to the quiz night
• Helen’s birthday next week
• Tweets on Easter Sunday
• Tony’s definitely feeling better
• Jim’s back to normal

The dawn service at Lakey Hill

Was just mentioned today, rather than any of the secret microphones being there.

Brenda seemed quite impressed that Jill was going to it ‘at her age’ …


Brenda really holds Easter day sacred

Well, she does when it suits her.

She was woken early by a fox (hmmm), and Tom was up early anyway for milking.

He’s got a long day of work ahead of him (including checking whether the tatties need harrowing with Tony, with a brief break to go to The Bull with the family.

Brenda is not amused.

[Brenda] “It’s Easter day!”

Since when was that important to Brenda? Especially considering she doesn’t bother with silly things like the dawn service (!).



Lilian predicts a riot

Lilian stumbles across Fallon hiding Easter eggs.

[Lilian] “Well that will be a riot, I expect … a real riot, you know what kids are like when they’ve scented chocolate … well as long as you’ve got your whip ready”

[Fallon] “No, I’ve got something better than that”

[Lilian] “A taser?”

If the bedroom’s a rockin’ …

… it’ll not be due to adult relations when it’s James and Leonie are in there.

Fallon was surprised to see Lilian up and out so early.

[Lilian] “You’re right darling, I don’t normally see this time on a Sunday morning”

Seems James and Leonie woke her up.

[Lilian] “I just wish I’d put them in a bedroom further way”

[Fallon] “You mean you can hear?”

Yes Lilian can, but it’s not rudery she can hear. Just arguing.

Leonie hogs the bed covers, her and James had a barny about it (“quite heated” according to Lilian). Lilian really isn’t enjoying their visit.

[Lilian] “it’s been like walking on eggshells at times, James had been a patience of a saint …”

*cough*

When Lilian later comes into The Bull for lunch, James and Leonie have found something new to argue about.

What is the capital of Bolivia?

James (and Fallon) reckon La Paz.

Leonie reckoned Sucre.

Much to Lilian’s disgust:

[Lilian] “She was technically right”

(La Paz is the administrative capital; Sucre is the constitutional capital … though I did have to look that up)

When Fallon later swings into action as the Easter bunny to sort out crying kids fighting over eggs, Lilian complements her on her ability to resolve disputes. And wonders whether she can do the same with James and Leonie. During their lunch at The Bull, seems they were arguing about the wine.

Lilian is also wondering if they’ll survive their flyover tomorrow. Surely one will push the other out (minus parachute)

[Lilian] “I don’t envy James though, bring cooped up in a cockpit with that, irritating girl”

There’s nothing so blind as a mother’s love …



No tattie harrowing = walk up Lakey Hill

Brenda’s delight with Tony that he told Tom the tatties didn’t need harrowing yet. Which meant she and Tom had time to go on a walk to Lakey Hill.

But Brenda’s joy was short lived. Tom went back to work after they had lunch at the Bull.

She only wanted to watch a few films …

So – Tom working all the time – no mention of their engagement for (what feels like) years – Brenda ripe for splitting up with him and/or affair?



Fallon as the Easter bunny

Which was her cunning plan to deal with Lilian’s predicted riot:

[Fallon] “it’s great for keeping the kids under control”

[Tom] “Yeah, well known for their discipline, rabbits …”

[Fallon] “Well they don’t know what to make of me, so they tend to do what I say!”

Later on:

[Lilian] “Ooh darling, run rabbit run!”

Ed and Will in The Bull

Will and Nic are in one corner, Ed and Emma in the other.

But there’s no punch up. They stay well away from each other. It’s only poor George who gets stressed having to run back and forth between the two.

How times (and folks) change.


Big build up to the quiz night

But seems the secret microphones weren’t turned on.

It was last night, with Harry and Jazzer doing a “good job”.

Ach well.


Helen’s birthday next week

What excitement shall she have?


Tweets on Easter Sunday

Tom gets what Tony thinks is a text.

[Tom] “Actually, that’s a tweet”

[Tony] “Good lord, on Easter Sunday!”

Ah Tony – it’s always time for a tweet.

Seems the piggy footy is still of interest.

I still can’t find those pigs anywhere online …


Tony’s definitely feeling better

During lunch at The Bull, Tony tells everyone that he wants to do more.

Tom slips up and mentions that they have a “new system”. Which Tony immediately picks up on and asks how much it cost …

Later on, Tom shows Tony the new management system (and we have to listen in while he does – very dull indeed). Tony doesn’t seem overly impressed.

He also obviously wants to get back in the driving seat. He wants to take over the office again – ordering, and the like.

[Tom] “I wouldn’t want to lose sight of the whole picture”

Aha – but Tom has snookered himself. As Tony points out, the new management system means Tom can see the “whole picture” at the click of a button.

So best shove off and let Tony rule again, eh Tom.

As Tony later says to Pat:

[Tony] “It’s very clever. We were managing before, of course. Perfectly well. I do hope Tom realises. I do know what I’m doing around here”

Jim’s back to normal

Not that we heard it ourselves first hand, just that it was mentioned he was giving Kenton a hard time for working at The Bull, so neglecting Jaxx.

Jim must be delighted he doesn’t have to pay compliments now that lent is over.

Tom shows his human side 06.04.12

The Archers Friday 6th April 2012

• A moment, Jazzer style
• The Echo, yet again …
• Tom’s poly tunnels are delayed
• It’s finally dawned on Tom
• Brenda hands Tom a small chocolate bar
• I want to watch sows wallowing
• Jazzer and Harry’s quiz will be all inclusive
• It was all Molly Button’s fault
• Tom does a nice thing

A moment, Jazzer style

[Jazzer] “Bren, have you go a minute?”

[Brenda] “No, not really”

[Jazzer] “Great, cause this won’t take one”

Ha ha ha!


The Echo, yet again …

The Super Dairy really should be quite a gripping time in Ambridge.

Yet Brian constantly complaining about the Echo, then meeting up to analyse it with Annabelle, ultimately calling in PR chap Rufus to resolve it, is getting a bit dull.

Today, Brian met with Annabelle. They talked about the impact of The Echo. Then they called Rufus.

*humpf*

The only remotely interesting thing today was that the Echo’s expert is a chap who has commissioned by pressure groups to do research.

And that Rufus reckons that the Super Dairy will produce lower emissions per unit than smaller dairies.

Hm.

And Brian doesn’t see that Rufus is (a) hardly an expert and (b) paid by him to tweak the truth.



Tom’s poly tunnels are delayed

As the company he ordered them from had lost his order.

[Tom] “New staff, new system and they didn’t like my star sign!”

So, he’ll have to wait a few more weeks to get them.

Ach well, at least Stamfords Deli have put in an order for “both types of bangers”.


It’s finally dawned on Tom

With his rather packed work load, Tom can now finally see why him missing “a few” milking shifts made Tony so angry.

Halleluiah!

Even if it was his own experience rather than Tony’s heart attack, that has bought Tom to this conclusion, at least he’s got there.


Brenda hands Tom a small chocolate bar

As it’s what her mum used to give her when she was busy studying, while saying “well done. Keep going, love”.

That’s nice.


I want to watch sows wallowing

Which is what Tony’s doing.


Jazzer and Harry’s quiz will be all inclusive

Jazzer is trying to entice Tony to his and Harry’s Easter quiz.

[Jazzer] “You’ll be okay, some of it goes back to the dark ages, Duran Duran and all that …”

Though when Tony points out his music knowledge goes back even further than that, Jazzer reckons he also will have questions for “old codgers”.

That’s the way to pack ‘em in Jazzer. Flatter ‘em!


It was all Molly Button’s fault

Reckons Jazzer.

It was Molly’s fault that Jazzer put itching powder in Harry’s cycling shorts because she gave him the idea, and actually gave him the powder.

But then, Molly played a trick on Jazzer, involving a tarantula (which he can’t stand).

[Jazzer] “Molly fooled me, I fooled Harry, he tells her off, it’s the circle of life really”

[Tony] “Very profound”

Tom does a nice thing

Seriously.

He really does.

Tony was earlier saying to Tony that he needs to

[Tony] “Learn to stop getting in everyone’s way”

But Tom has a plan.

He tells Tony that he wanted different cabbages for the veg boxes, but he spent ages trying to track them down. When Tony knew exactly who to call in seconds.

He also tells Tony that he’s started chasing unpaid bills for veg boxes. Including a lady called
Elspeth Rogers. But Tony knows that Elspeth only pays quarterly, as that’s when she gets her pensions.

And Tom tells Tony that it would be really useful to have someone to do the banking and such for the veg boxes.

So he asks Tony.

[Tony] “You want me to do it, all the admin, for the veg boxes … I’d be delighted!”

Good Tom.

Easy work for Tony, without making him feel he’s being mollycoddled.

Alice caught naked in a blacksmith’s apron 05.04.12

The Archers Thursday 5th April 2012

• Alice reading papers on wind vibration
• Wonder why another mention of Jennifer “popping in”?
• Mjölnir
• The Echo is annoying Brian again
• Jennifer pops in again
• Pat wants Tom to delegate

Alice reading papers on wind vibration

[Chris] “Nice!”

Wonder why another mention of Jennifer “popping in”?

Seemed to spot for a while, but Alice has been making a point of mentioning that Jennifer seems to be popping by her and Chris’ quite a lot again.

Wonder why …


Mjölnir

Which is the hammer of Thor.

And Chris’ choice for the first item that he’ll make in his forge. For his wall. To replace Ronnie’s horseshoe.

[Alice] “Did I ever tell you I’ve got a thing for Viking Gods?”

Chris is also going to put runes on it: strength, luck and love.

Aw, bless him.

Though from the sounds of Alice, she doesn’t need any grand gestures to encourage her Amour.


The Echo is annoying Brian again

*sigh*

[Brian] “Who is Aidan Smith anyway … roped in as a respected authority on anaerobic systems in dairy farms … he’s not respect by me, he doesn’t know what he’s so talking about! … The wretched thing could have been dictated by Borchester Against Factory Farming!”

So Brian goes off to call wonder-PR-boy Rufus, even though it’s out of office hours. And even though Jennifer is trying to serve supper.

*sigh*


Jennifer pops in again

Here we go. The scene is set …

As Chris works on his Mjölnir, Alice watches. They’re alone.

[Alice] “I like watching you work. Getting all hot and sweaty over the anvil … in fact, I’m getting pretty hot myself …”

After Alice has made the final (and her first) mark on the Mjölnir, she and Chris get a tad steamy.

To the point where we’re subjected to a few moments of very deep breathing from Alice … does a sex scene in a forge beat a sex scene in a shower?!?

Well, it does when the mother (in-law) walks in.

[Jennifer] “Oh my goodness, you look as like you’ve been busy … but no so busy you can’t stop for champagne”

Jennifer was at home alone, feeling sorry that Alice and Chris were alone celebrating the start of Chris’ own business.

So, she thought she’d pop along to celebrate with them.

Then she notices that Alice is wearing a Blacksmith’s apron.

[Jennifer] “But, are you actually wearing anything under it darling?”

Oh, we did laugh …


Pat wants Tom to delegate

Tom’s just back from Faircastle. But he can’t even stop for a cup of tea with Pat. He’s just too busy.

Pat’s worried.

About the sheer volume of work Tom is doing, but also about Tony being left out.

[Tom] “I know but, weird thing is, I’m actually enjoying it. Understanding how all the business fit together … “

[Pat] “Poor old dad is stuck in the house … he spent his whole life being needed”

And though Tony is still needed, he doesn’t see it.

[Pat] “You dad’s a very proud man, with a lot to be proud of”

Tom concurs, and promises to think of something for Tony to do that isn’t too taxing, but (I suspect) also leaves most of the ‘power’ in his own hands.

Pip’s picturing chickens 04.04.12

The Archers Wednesday 4th April 2012

• Brian and Adam’s strange dance
• Josh has a big plank
• George – footballer, cricketer or gamekeeper?
• Josh and Pip are a bit strange
• Harry isn’t amused with Jazzer
• Jennifer still visiting

Brian and Adam’s strange dance

[Brian] “A good boy scout is always reading for deer worming, Adam”

Blimey.

And he does even have a pen (could have been a pencil) to take down the deer numbers as they work through them. Though Adam doesn’t seem grateful.

Brian then waffles on about the Parish Council wanting the patch of land between the shop and the river (for a Field in trust)

[Brian] “It’s not a bad idea, it’s not doing us any good, and the kids play football there anyway”

[Adam] “So even the Parish Council has its price”

[Brian] “Huh?”

(has Brian forgotten Adam is still very much against BL because of the Super Dairy? Actually, maybe not forgotten, more just ignoring)

Brian continues his waffling:

[Brian] “I’ve excelled myself this year, I’ve actually remembered to buy your mother an Easter egg in good time … bows and Belgian chocolates inside, and the full splendour of an Underwoods gift wrap”

He then starts to wonder if Phoebe still likes chocolate, so will be dragging Kate and co. on the hunt for the perfect Easter egg.


As they finish their work, Brian wants Adam to come back to the house for a cup of tea and a chat about the spraying program.

Despite that being such a tempting offer for most chaps, Adam declines.

He really (really) can’t bring himself to show any interest in anything Brian has to say.

Later, to Jennifer:

[Adam] “Working with him this afternoon wasn’t exactly a barrel of laughs”

Though Adam does admit that he was the one who was being awkward.

[Jennifer] “Is it still a struggle, darling?”

[Adam] “It shouldn’t be. Brian was making an effort to be sociable, but I just couldn’t; respond … it was all very polite … that’s the problem, I can’t act naturally with him … the fact is mum, my opinions haven’t changed on iota, I still think it’s a dreadful idea, and I’m still hoping something will turn up to derail the whole damn thing”

Josh has a big plank

To the point where Eddie makes comment on it. So it must have been a beauty.

They’re clearing up ahead of the Tank being built, and they’re also taking wood aside for the Beacon pile on 4th of June.


George – footballer, cricketer or gamekeeper?

As it is holiday time for the kids, Will has been taking George up with him every day to the shoot.

Seems George enjoys being up there. He feeds the lame (? Is that what Eddie said?) birds, collects eggs and out the fertilised eggs into the incubator.

[David] “Keep them working so they can’t be a nuisance, eh?”

Eddie also reckons George is good at spot. David certainly thinks he has the build, but Eddie reckons he also has the eye.

Though Clarrie is making him a train birthday cake, Eddie thinks he’d be happier with a football one. Though Keira will no doubt be delighted with her teddy bear one.


Josh and Pip are a bit strange

Pip and Ruth are also collecting eggs from the Brookfield chickens. While they’re there, Pip also wants to take photos of them for the Brookfield blog. Pip reckons they have some good lookers.

[Eddie] “Good looking hens. Blimey!”

[David] “Well it’s the way of the world these days. If it isn’t online, it isn’t real”

Once Pip has her chicken pictures:

[Josh] “Must be pretty frightening for a hen, having Pip sneak up with her mobile”

Josh seems quite determined to get Pip’s phone to see the pictures. She seems very reticent, but relents.

He them goes on about how some of the pictures are really horrible. He’s gone back into her photos beyond the chickens. There’s one of Spencer that he pretends he doesn’t know who it’s of.

Eh?

What was that all about?


Harry isn’t amused with Jazzer

Though we still (still!) haven’t heard Harry speak in a very long time.

Eddie was telling David that he, Ed and Joe will be doing the quiz at the weekend, with Jim (“The Prof”) as their secret weapon.

David hadn’t heard of who was doing the quiz, so was quite surprised to hear it was indeed Jazzer and harry.

[Eddie] “last time I saw him, harry was giving Jazzer some right filthy looks!”

Ah. The itching powder must have been fairly potent …


Jennifer still visiting

Alice and Chris, without a clue that the frequency of her visits aren’t exactly welcomed.

[Jennifer] “It’s lovely being able to just drop in while she’s on holiday”

[Adam] “I imagine she’s still quite busy … taking on the forge”

It would sometimes seem that Adam is the only one in Jennifer side of the clan who can see any sense.