Ruth takes over as Alpha: Sun 24.06.12

The Archers Sunday 24^th June 2012

• David’s alpha skills are found lacking
• Hayley wants to redecorate
• Cricket for Women!
• Rosa’s still a Jamie fan
• Mother worried about her kids? Get out of the way!

David’s alpha skills are found lacking

Ruth has tried to give David time and space to consider what he’s going to do next.

Well, actually, she’s given him time to agree with her that he shouldn’t be testifying against the gang.

[David] “It’s not that simple.”

[Ruth] “Well it is to me.”

[David] “I can’t.”

[Ruth] “Or you won’t!”

[David] “It wasn’t an easy decision to make.”

[Ruth] “Sorry. Well how are we going to keep out children safe then. Tell me that!”

Later on, round 2:

[Ruth] “Pip’s too frightened to switch on her own phone, and Ben’s still having nightmares … neither of us are getting any sleep.”

[David] “Love, we’ll just have to take it one day at a time.”

But, as Ruth points out, it’ll take months, not days. The earliest David can expect to testify in court is September.

[Ruth] “The thing is, you’re doing this for Adam, right … and if you hadn’t found him, he might have died … me point is that you’ve done everything you could for him, he’s okay now, he’s back and work and moving on with his life … we’ve going to have to keep on living with the consequences …  all because you’re too pig headed and self-righteous to back down.”

David blows a fuse at that one, but can’t get a word in:

[Ruth] “And you won’t back down because of some stupid idiotic principle … I’m sick of it. You’re putting your principles above protecting our children.”

[David] “That is a ridiculous thing to say … can’t you see you are reacting exactly the way they want you to react … they’re cowards, Ruth, I can’t believe they’ll carry out any of their threats.”

But Ruth is quick (and right) to point out that the gang did hit Adam. So they’re not just talking empty threats.

David thinks being sensible, being careful, take precautions and the like will keep everyone safe. Their kids just need to adapt. Ruth can’t believe what she’s hearing – she knows that no matter what, David can’t promise that nothing bad will happen.

[Ruth] “Right that he can’t promise everything will come right!”

[David] “I need you on my side Ruth.”

[Ruth] “But I can’t be.”

[David] “I can’t fight you as well.”

[Ruth] “Well if you want to be a martyr to this cause, you go right ahead. That’s enough, you stand on your moral high   ground, and I hope you   enjoy the   view. You’ll be in your own.”

So mother’s right’s asserted as well as alpha’s. Ruth will phone the Police for advice, and do what she needs to do, and what David isn’t doing.

Hayley wants to redecorate

Phoebe is due home soon.

Hayley’s been hovering Phoebe’s room, and thinks it now looks too childish for her. She mentions to Roy she wants to do a makeover.

Roy thinks it’s a fine idea, but all Hayley had managed to achieve (by the end of the day) was to buy sandpaper and paintbrushes.

She couldn’t make her mind up about what Phoebe would like. Especially as she isn’t aiming just fir a repaint – she wants carpets, curtains, cushions … a whole new style.

[Roy] “This is our Phoebe we’re talking about, we’re not having the Queen to stay … she’ll just be happy to be home.”

But, Hayley’s worried Phoebe will have changed a lot in the last year. Phoebe’s favourite colour was pink, but what is it now?

[Roy] “If I were you, I’d get Vicky on it.”

Eh?

How will Vicky know more about decorating a room for a young lass?

And anyway – can we foresee problems with (a) Phoebe possibly being not even happy to be home and (b) rather furious that her parents have changed her room without her being involved?

Cricket for Women!

Natalie’s at nets with Jamie, admiring how good Chris is at cricket.

[Jamie] “What are you, the Gabby Logan of cricket?”

But that starts Natalie thinking.

[Natalie] “Every week. And we girls don’t get to play at all.”

[Jamie] “Good job. You might get better than us.”

[Natalie] “Might, we already are!”

I didn’t realise, but there isn’t an Ambridge women’s cricket team, or, in fact, one on the whole league.

Shocking! Even most football teams have a women’s version.

[Natalie] “When we started, it was just a bit of a laugh, joining in with you.”

So, Natalie wants a proper game for her and the young women, and she wants Jamie to ask Alistair to arrange it (eh? That’s not very liberated. Surely she could ask Alistair herself?!?)

Rosa’s still a Jamie fan

That he has a girlfriend doesn’t seem to matter. Rosa will stalk him even when Natalie is there.

[Natalie] “Uh oh. Your little groupie … quick behind the pavilion”

[Jamie] “About time. I’d never thought you’d ask!”

[Natalie] “I have to put up with her rabbiting away, and staring at your bum.”

Natalie does seem less controlling these days, but I hope neither she (nor Rosa) keep rabbits as pets.

Jamie’s just bemused by the attention.

[Jamie] “It is flattering, but I’m not quite Freddie Flintoff’s league. Yet.”

Mother worried about her kids? Get out of the way!

Ruth spoke with the Police. While they have sympathy, there’s nothing they can do. But, they suggest that they could move everyone at Brookfield to a safe house.

Though Ruth does agree with David that she and David can’t leave (they have a farm to run), she does want to move the kids out. And she’s not interested in what David may have to say about that.

[Ruth] “You don’t have a choice, not anymore.”

David wants them all to stay. He wants them together, where he can protect them.

[Ruth] “I’m not prepared to take the risk. It’s done. As soon as I can sort something out, they’ll be gone.”

Bit harsh on David, but looks like there's no point saying anything to Ruth at the moment!

Now Pip’s been threatened: Fri 22.06.12

The Archers Friday 22nd June 2012

• Pip gets a nasty phone call
• Freda displays balloons in a rude manner
• Usha’s 50th birthday party
• Adam’s birthday surprise

Pip gets a nasty phone call

As David’s on the phone to Pip, asking if she can pick up some hose clips, she hangs off to take another call (which she though was Spencer):

[nasty bloke] “Is that Phillipa Archer? I’ve got a message for your father …”

Next we hear from Pip, she calls Ruth in hysterics. She’s gone home to Brookfield, but no one is there. Ruth rushes back to her.

[Pip] “They they were watching. Watching me and Josh and Ben … He just sounded ordinary I didn’t really have time to think about it.”

Ruth asks Pip not to tell Josh and Ben. Pip becomes hysterical again as David also rushes in to comfort her.

I’m not too sure how they got hold of Pip’s mobile number in the first place, but it’s academic. The Police also can’t trace where the call made to Pip came from.

When Pip leaves David and Ruth to go and calm down:

[Ruth] “How will you stop them?”

[David] “I’ll talk to the police and get advice.”

[Ruth] “How can you get into the minds of people like that? We don’t know what they’re planning.”

[David] “You’re letting your imagination run away with you.”

[Ruth] “And you’re being too laid back.”
David points out that he can’t sit at the window 24/7 with a shotgun.

[David] “I can’t let Adam down, he could have died.”

[Ruth] “And one of our children still could. It’s not worth the risk … Please. Go to the police first thing tomorrow and tell them you won’t do it. Pull out David. This has to stop now.”

Well, that’s the line been drawn.

Which side will David decide to stand on?


Freda displays balloons in a rude manner

Alan and Ruth are decorating Upstairs at The Bull for Usha’s party tonight.

[Alan] “Freda offered, bless her cotton socks, but I wouldn’t put it pass her to cover the tables in doilies and hang balloons in the corners in groups of threes …”

[Ruth] “Two round ones and a long one!”

[Alan] “That’s what she did for Mr Pullen's ninetieth. But the giggles from the over 60s went right over her head!”

Usha’s 50th birthday party

Minus rudely arranged balloons, Alan’s arrange for banners which say “Keep Calm and Party on”, a dozen bottles of bubbly, and a cake (which Elizabeth is collecting. She does do nice things for other peoples sometimes).

Ruth’s then called away by a phone call from Pip (see the first entry above). But the party goes on (Ruth didn’t mention to Alan that, or why, she was leaving).

Later on, as Alan and Usha get ready to leave home for the party, Alan reckons Usha looks fantastic. And he gives her a surprise present, which sounded like pearls.

(if it was, I didn’t see Usha as a pearl necklace type of a lady. I’d have though a modern piece of jewellery – bespoke, clever, subtle – would be more her style)

[Alan] “Like they say, I saw this and I thought of you. You deserve spoiling.”

(well, I stand corrected. Alan knows Usha better than I!)

At the party:

[Usha] “I feel like the Queen standing here as they arrive.”

[Alan] “Well stop it and have a bop!”

They’re playing You’re The One The I Want from Grease. Usha remembers hearing it for the first time when it was first on at the pictures. Which would have been in 1978, when Usha was 16.

Amy then shows up at the party. Usha has forgiven her before Amy even speaks.

[Amy] “I’ve been so stupid.”

Yes you have, but the first step is to be able to recognise it.


Adam’s birthday surprise

Was Amy remembering anyone else exists to wish him a happy birthday!

I jest …

Ian’s plan is to take Adam for a meal at the very posh restaurant of an old chief friend of his, who has done incredibly well for himself, including a Michelin star.

[Ian] “It might act as a springboard to my imagination. You can never rest on your laurels!”

Adam sounded knackered. And was later back in late from work. He has to rush to get ready.

[Adam] “Please don’t say you’ve ironed my shirt, it’ll have more creases in it now than when you started!”

(nice ploy Ian. That’s exactly what I do. Iron badly once, you’ll never be asked to do it again)

But Adam won’t need his shirt, tie and jacket. Ian’s laid out a t-shirt and swimming shorts.

Twigging that the last thing Adam needs is a formal dinner, miles away from home, Ian’s organised a barbeque at home. So it’ll be margaritas, filet mignon, a backrub and a hot tub (for desert).

[Adam] “Yes chef!”

Ah, that Ian really is a marvellous man indeed.

Brookfield’s front page news: Thurs 21.06.12

The Archers Thursday 21st June 2012

• “Oh noooo.”
• Alice tends to (a more reasonable?) Amy
• Josh is scared
• Moussaka
• Neil’s doing star jumps
• David needs to tell Adam

“Oh noooo.”

I love it when Ruth says that. I even have 5 of those “oh noooo” t-shirts!

Anyhoo – the “oh noooo” was uttered by Ruth when she saw the front page headline of The Echo:

Terror on local farm headline

Not amusing at all. Though Josh has found it to be useful. The girls at his school were calling him a hero, because:

[Josh] “ … in this one it looks like I’m the only steward facing the bullocks.”

[David] “And you’re proud of that, are you … makes us look at least inept, and at the very worst completely unprofessional and unsafe … it’s an image of our farm that will stay in everybody’s mind, no matter what it says about vandalism or whatever!”

[Ruth] “For goodness sake David, it’s not Josh’s fault.”

[David] “Well he doesn’t seem that bothered about it …”

The newspaper article has quotes from parents calling Brookfield “incompetent”, and describes how scared, terrified and desperate folks were. Which Ruth reckons all of which is true.


Alice tends to (a more reasonable?) Amy

Again.

She’s got wine and a DVD, while Chris escapes to his mum’s to get his birthday present, then onto nets and The Bull.

From the start, it sounded like Amy was coming  back to being ‘normal’ again. She tells Alice of her day at work. Which involved being midwife to a 15 year old, who lives in a care home, birthing partner was a care worker, the father of her child not to be seen, and her own mother not speaking to her.

[Amy] “Kinda puts your own pathetic problems into perspective, doesn’t it?”

Later on:

[Amy] “I’m so ashamed … I’d have stayed with Carl, even though in know he was married with a  little girl, if he told me he’d leave them for me. I’m a monster.”

[Alice] “You were in love.”

[Amy] “You know, the sad thing is, I think his marriage really is a sham … the things he said when he talked his wife, it was all about money really … status, I don’t think he once said he loved her … Usha was right about me all along. I said some horrible hateful; things to her. I didn’t event take her a birthday card, can you believe it … I don’t think I can even face her.”

[Alice] “If it were me, I’d get it over with, as soon as I could.”

I concur.

And hurrah to Amy finally realising she’s not been the most rationale, easy or mature people of late.


Josh is scared

Quite right to be so.

[Josh] “Suppose I’ve accidentally filmed something or somebody.”

Josh handed his camera over to the Police, and he’s worried he did unwittingly film something important, which will mean he has to give evidence. Ruth reckons it won’t come to that, but will ask Usha.

[Josh] “When’s it all going to be over mum?”

Moussaka

My goodness, it was refreshing to hear Amy and Alice just chat about stuff, rather than about Amy … Carl … Usha …

Alice has made Moussaka for Amy, which Amy muchly appreciates. Alice  muchly appreciates Amy being appreciative.

[Alice] “Sometimes the way Chris eats, I swear he hardly notices what it is let alone what it tastes like. It’s not so much eating as posting it down.”

Neil’s doing star jumps

[Adam] “Someone said they spotted Neil doing a few star jumps and press ups before nets”

Now there’s a picture …

Seems Ambridge lost to Paxley, but has high hopes of beating Loxley Barrett this weekend.

But sounds like Neil’s efforts to impress don’t have much chance of winning.

[Adam] “I don’t know if Ifty can work some sort of magic, at his age.”

Meow!


David needs to tell Adam

As David and Adam are having a pint, Adam mentions that he thinks the bullocks being let loose was only due to vandalism, and that it was probably kids who’d done the damage.

So, he still hasn’t a clue …


David asks Adam about his birthday plans:

[Adam] “Ian’s got plans, apparently they involve a Michelin star … To be honest, I’m doing it for him. It’s lovely, but I know I’m just going to be so tired.”

Adam also mentions that he’s back at work, but not up to full par.

[Adam] “It’s stick to my fingers a bit, if you know what I mean.”

He tells David how much of a “nightmare” it’s been since he was attacked, and how amazing Ian has been in supporting him.

[David] “Well don’t you worry. I’ll be there in court to help nail them.”

What else could David say?

And really, what else can David do but still see this through?

Kenton hasn’t done his homework: Wed 20.06.12

The Archers Wednesday 20th June 2012

• Lynda’s behaving oddly
• Sports Vs Culture at the Village Fete committee
• Ruth’s swithering
• Matt’s being thoughtful
• Watch out for Hilary Noakes’ Damson Jam
• The Ambridge Torch
• Excuse me, Lynda does the posters!
• The field has approval
• Just let Amy go

Lynda’s behaving oddly

[Kenton] “Are you all right? I’d just been wondering whether you’d be struck by lightning or if you’re channelling your inner scarecrow”

[Lynda] “I’m sorry?”

[Kenton] “Lynda, you’re standing stock still in the middle of the village”

[Lynda] “Ah, no … look, there, beyond that oak.”

[Kenton] “Oh yes, birds.”

[Lynda] “Not just birds Kenton, they’re my peregrines and they’re fledglings. What a wonderful sight!”

[Kenton] “Not if you’re a pigeon, I imagine.”

[Lynda] “Oh how very prosaic!”

Lynda was also a bit perturbed Kenton reporting that he often sees the peregrines while he’s outside The Bull. He’s not even remotely interested. But this was the first time she’s seen the fledglings.


Sports Vs Culture at the Village Fete committee

Though Lynda told Kenton that she expected to hear great things about his plans for the sports elements of the Fete, Kenton did take the hint, and so didn’t prepare for the committee meeting.

Silly Kenton.

Half way through the committee meeting, Kenton decides to get everyone a drink. And then has the nerve to ask Matt to take the drink upstairs to the meeting.

[Kenton] “Just tell them I’ve been waylaid by a customer … you do happen to know any good village websites, do you?”

(Surprisingly, Matt agrees to be waiter. He really is in a great mood these days)

Course, Lynda has done her homework. For the Cultural Olympiad part of the fete, Lynda has planned for a dance festival, with the Morris men from Waterley Cross:

[Lynda] “Thereby marrying the sporting with the cultural.”

Compare even just this one example of Lynda’s work to Kenton’s cobbled together ideas.

A tug of war, across the river Am. And Dragon boat racing.

[Kenton] “So many kids are wrapped in cotton wool today; they need to experience a bit of risk and adventure.”

Lynda is horrified that Kenton has put such little thought into the sports.

Actually, I thought his ideas were fine, for starters.


Ruth’s swithering

Ruth told Usha about the threats they’ve been receiving, and the reason for the Open Farm Sunday chaos.

[Usha] “Just stick it out. You’ll be so glad you did.”

[Ruth] “I’m not sure Jill’s so sure. Nor me.”

Uh oh.

Will Ruth let David get to court?


Matt’s being thoughtful

Who’d have thunk it?

After Jolene mentioned to Matt that she and Kenton couldn’t afford to go to New Zealand, Matt then mentioned it to Jill.

[Matt] “Oh well, you can’t always get what you want, as the Rolling Stones once said.”

Later on, Jill is late for the committee meeting because (she claims) she had to pop home to check she’d closed her bedroom windows.

But she’s actually gone back to get her cheque book. She wants to pay for Kenton and Jolene to go to New Zealand.

[Jill] “It’s easy to find excuses to not go to somewhere so far away … you and Meriel deserve to spend some time together … families are what’s important, not money. I’m only too glad I can help.”

Watch out for Hilary Noakes’ Damson Jam

[Lynda] “Jim didn’t realise that Hilary Noakes Damson Jam still has the stones in it.”

Jim now has a chipped tooth, and horrific toothache. He’s even had to miss the Fete committee.

At least Jim’s excuse was better than Vicky’s. She sent a text to Lynda saying:

[Lynda] “ (text from Vicky) “Sorry, suddenly came over all tired, limbs like led, dropped off in armchair” …”

The Ambridge Torch

Not to be outdone by the Olympic Torch, Ambridge shall have its own.

It’ll be part of the opening ceremony of the Fete, and the committee has decided that it’ll be carried round a route that everyone can see and cheer on.

Exciting …!


Excuse me, Lynda does the posters!

[Lynda] “May I interject?”

[Kenton] “Interject away.”

Lynda was a bit put out that at the committee, there was talk of posters being made.

Actually, Lynda and Robert always make the posters (so it would seem). Lynda and Robert have the “latest software”, and Lynda and Robert always make sure the posters using copy which won’t exclude.

Kenton has a lot to learn about who does what when it comes to community projects.


The field has approval

The riverside field that BL gifted to the village had been awarded its deed of dedication, and a plaque is on the way. The committee decided that the field will be dedicated to the Queen.

(how can they have just decided that when the plaque has already been sent?)


Just let Amy go

Usha tells Ruth that Amy didn’t even bother to get her a card for her 50th.

[Ruth] “Silly girl.”

[Usha] “She’s getting her own back. No one likes home truths.”

Usha is worried that now Amy has fled to Alice’s, she’ll next move into sharing a shared flat for good.

[Usha] “We might never get a proper chance to make things up.”

Usha compares this situation to David and Elizabeth.

But no – that doesn’t work.

Elizabeth isn’t speaking to David because she believes David contributed to Nigel dying.

Amy isn’t speaking to Usha because Amy’s boyfriend was married.

Elizabeth is distraught and unreasonable.

Amy is indeed just a silly girl.

Amy hears it from Carl: Tues 19.06.12

The Archers Tuesday 19th June 2012

• Birthdays galore!
• Brian’s being decent
• Before Amy spoke to Carl
• Amy spoke to Carl
• After Amy spoke to Carl

Birthdays galore!

It’s Fallon’s today.
Adam and Chris on Friday.
And was Usha’s the other day.

[Alice] “You don’t look very chirpy to say you’ve got a night out planned”

Adam’s just utterly knackered.


Brian’s being decent

But only because Jennifer’s told him to be.

He catches Adam trying to grade lambs (to then be taken to the abattoir).

[Brian] “But it’ll be who ends up in the doghouse if you do yourself a mischief!”

Ah, nothing like a stepfather who genuinely cares for his stepson.

Anyhoo, Brian helps Adam see to the lambs. They set bets on how many lambs will end up being big enough to go to slaughter. The winner gets pints of shires.

Brian even makes sure Adam sits down to eat (Jennifer has sent them over a fruitcake).

[Brian] “You know what she’s like. She’ll probably carry on an inspection when we get back!”

Before Amy spoke to Carl

[Alice] “I hope the canteen’s decent.”

(my oh my, what priorities Alice has! She wants a decent cuppa while her best mate is having to front up to the man who broke her heart.)

Alice has driven Amy to carl’s work.

[Amy] “If Carl and I get back together … he’s a good man, I’m sure of it … I just want to be sure you’ll be okay about him and me.”

Hmmm …


Amy spoke to Carl

For starters, Carl made Amy wait in reception for him.

When he did ordain to come down to see her, he bundles Amy off into the car park. Then shouts at her.

[Carl] “What the hell do you think you’re playing at Amy?”

[Alice] “I know … I’m sorry … I had to talk to you.”

[Carl] “And you didn’t think to call first and ask to meet up?”

[Amy] “Would you have answered my call? I didn’t want to come here. I had thought we could talk at your apartment …”

(she tells him that she knows he wasn’t there last week, which he twigs means she’s been stalking him)

[Carl] “Look, Amy, why don’t you give me a call in a day or so … meet up for a cup of coffee … I can’t do this, this is ridiculous. Anyone could come out here.”

But as he also happens to need a cigarette, he agrees to stand a bit away with her to talk.

(I’m on day 9 of not smoking, by the way … still hard to even hear other folks talking about them smoking)

[Carl] “So what do you want from me … what do you want me to say?”

[Amy] “It’s not like I expect some sort of explanation … it’s me who should explain.”

Which she does. Amy tells Carl it’s her fault for pushing Carl too fast. That he was the first man who meant anything to her.

[Amy] “You’re special. And I realise it was stupid to push you like that … a man like you, I know you’ve got commitments.”

[Carl] “Amy, have you come here today to ask me to take you back?”

[Amy] “Yes … of course, I didn’t think … I didn’t think that you’d need time to break it to your wife.”

Carl starts laughing at Amy.

Amy then tells him that she knows he has a daughter.

Carl starts to get annoyed.

[Carl] “Have you been following me?”

He demands to be reassured that Amy hasn’t spoken to his wife and kid, and that she won’t ever have contact with them.

[Amy] “I can wait …”

[Carl] “You really are a piece of work, do you know that … why, in your wildest dream, do you imagine I’ve leave Rochelle for you … Rochelle is a top paid, highly qualified lawyer. She’s beautiful intelligent and well respect. We live in a lovely house in one of  the most sought after areas in the county. We have lots if high flying, influential and important friends. Why would I pack all that in for a midwife, in the NHS, with a vicar for a dad?”

[Amy] “But I love you!”

[Carl] “And? … you really are that naive,. Aren’t; you!?!”

[Amy] “Doesn’t that mean anything to you? Someone saying they love you means nothing?”

[Carl] “You don’t what love means.”

[Amy] “Do you?”

[Carl] “Go home Amy. We’re done.”

[Amy] “How can you go from that, from being so gentle and romantic and living to being so cruel?”

[Carl] “I’ve gotta go.”

[Amy] “How do you know you know I won’t tell your wife what you are?”

[Carl] “Do you think she’d take any notice of you?… she’d take you to court for slander or may just think you were some deluded stalker with a crush on her devoted husband,. Which you are.”

[Amy] “You bastard!”

(at last!!!!!!!)


After Amy spoke to Carl

Back in Alice’s Carl, Amy is a bit upset … to say the least.

[Amy] “I hate him … all that stuff he said to me, everything, it was just a lie … he didn’t mean any of it, he played me. He used me. How could he do that to me?”

Well, at least the penny has finally dropped for Amy.

Maybe she can go back to be a nice, stable, normal, sane young lady again. We can just never talk of her teenage tantrums ever again.

Jill tells David what to do: Mon 18.06.12

The Archers Monday 18 June 2012

• Matt has a cunning ploy
• Kenton wants to visit Meriel
• Jill has a big BUT

Matt has a cunning ploy

Thought that might have been the case.

He asked Darrell to help lift the new kitchen units in at the site. And not to ask for a receipt …

[Matt] “Not that I have to explain myself to you, do I?”

[Darrell] “No, course not.”

When Darrell later on took in the delivery, he was a bit perturbed that the chap wanted cash. And that the van was just a white one – he was expecting the delivery to be from a proper company, with branded vans.

(as an aside, why it that dodgy geezers in Ambridge are also intensely patronising? The chap driving the white, unbranded van was yet another example)

When Darrell later asked Matt about the white van:

[Matt] “A mate who sometimes work for himself, it keep my costs down. … I don’t pay you to wonder Darrell, I pay you to do what I ask!”

Aye Darrell – your Matt’s man now!


Kenton wants to visit Meriel

[Kenton] “In a  year or two she’ll be off with her mates, she won’t want to spend a whole day pandering to her dad.”

Kenton had mentioned he wanted to go to New Zealand a few months back, but Jolene deftly sidestepped it. Though she understood Kenton wanted to see his kid, and though Sid’s daughter and grandson are there, it’s really not been that long since Sid died, in New Zealand.

This time, Jolene tells Kenton to have a look at prices. Which is tantamount to putting another block on the trip … though Jolene does feel some guilt. For whatever reason, Jolene later told Matt (she and Matt are hardly the best of pals):

[Jolene] “Kenton’s so gutted, I can tell.”

Jill has a big BUT

The day after the bullocks were set running free at Brookfield’s Open Farm Sunday, Jill’s over to help with the clear up.

David answers the phone:

[Jill] “It’s not one of those silly people from yesterday who wanted to sue?”

No, it was the Police.

David tells Jill that the bullocks didn’t get because of vandalism:

[David] “It was sabotage.”

Seems the Police can’t do anything (again) as there’s no evidence (again), though they have taken Josh’s film camera in case he recorded anything important without knowing.

And George is just fine:

[Jill] “His little legs were still wobbling when they took him home … I can’t believe anyone would do something that cruel … knowing there were children here”

(‘will nobody think of the children’ … goodness me!!!)

[Ruth] “That’s why they did it.”

[Jill] “Ruth, that would have been tantamount to murder!”

Then Jill gets down to business with David. Whether he wanted to or not.

[Jill] “I’m very proud of you for coming forward …and I’m sure your father would have been very proud too.”

[David] “I hope he would.”

[Ruth] “Phil believed very strongly in civic duty”

[David] “And standing up for what you believe in.”

[Jill] “Those are all wonderful qualities David …”

[David] “Mum there’s obviously a but in here somewhere.”

[Jill] “I’d just like you to stop and think a moment … the circumstances have changed …”

[David] “No. Nothing has changed. These criminals hit Adam over the head and left him to die.”

[Jill] “I want you think about Ruth and the children and their safety.”

[David] “They will be a hell of a lot safer if these violent criminals are behind bars.”

[Jill] “If, if …”

David asserts that he and Ruth have talked it through, and that they both agree David needs to go to court. And “see it through to the end.”

[David] “Isn’t that right, Ruth?”

Uh oh.

Silence from Ruth when David said that …

The horror, the humanity – it’s Open Farm Sunday 2012: Sun 17.06.12

The Archers Sunday 17 June 2012

• A horrible Open Farm Sunday for Brookfield
• It’s also Father’s Day
• And it’s also Usha’s birthday
• Emma and Neil’s grand day out

A horrible Open Farm Sunday for Brookfield

It all started so well.

David, Ruth, Pip, Josh and Ben were in good spirits, well organised, and it even sounded like it wasn’t raining!

There was to be a speech from David on “plough to plate”, pots for the kids to have cream in, which they could shake to make into butter and then spread on scones:

[Ruth] “If they have a spare three hours!”

Though they will all still aware that extra caution was required after the recent threats from the gang who attacked Adam. The stewards had to be particularly well briefed:

[David] “Make absolutely sure everyone is on message”

Emma was also nervous about leaving George and Ed at Brookfield while she and Keira went had a day out with Neil.

Turns out Emma was quite right to be worried.

Just as David was telling the visitors about the cows being milked, there was a loud bang.

[David] “Whoops, there goes my sister’s father in law in his old banger … sorry, Riley”

(why David didn’t immediately connect the band to the gang is a mystery)

Ed then started frantically shouting for everyone to get into the Orchard.

The bullocks were loose, and storming their way.

There was then screaming, shouting and George being daft enough not to stay put (Ed got to him in time).

No one was hurt. The closest to harm had been:

[David] “A few idiots taking snaps on their mobiles.”

Though:

[David] “One of two of them muttering darkly about lawyers … how the hell did they get out?”

Later on:

[David] “It’s the gang, isn’t it?”

Seems they’d made a gap in the fence, and set off a firework to get the bullocks running.

[Pip, crying] “How can anyone be that cruel … How dare they sabotage our open farm Sunday like this, how dare they! They all could have been hurt!”

So the Police are called again.

(though we did know something bad was going to happen when David previously had said it was going to be an Open Farm Sunday to remember)


It’s also Father’s Day

David got a beer from a microbrewery, and toast for breakfast.

Which Ben then burnt.

(the toast, not the beer)

George was allowed to make two cards at school, so nor arguments between Ed and Will.

And Neil had a day out with Emma.

But Amy didn’t send or give Alan a card.


And it’s also Usha’s birthday

[David] “Just think, half century!”

[Ruth] “Just as long as you don’t phrase it that way to her.”

Again, Amy didn’t show up with or send a card.


Emma and Neil’s grand day out

For Father’s day, Emma took Neil out for lunch, while Susan and Tracey were treating Bert to a Sunday roast. (no mention of Chris, though).

Neil didn’t exactly sound too thrilled at spending the day with Emma. Even though she said that as she’d been given a fair amount of tips at a wedding she’d worked at (one assumes Lower Loxley, “money was no object”.

Might have had something to do with there being a cricket match on that he could have gone to …

Funnily enough, Neil wants to go to Paxley. Emma spots Chris, Tom and Roy passing by in a car:

[Emma] “What are the chances dad?”

Hmmm …

After Emma gave Neil a row for getting texts from Richard Thwaite (who’s on the cricket team), and after they’d had a meal, Emma and Neil took a wee stroll. …

[Neil] “What’s behind the hedge … it’s Paxley cricket ground!”

[Emma] “Oh, you poor thing, why didn’t you say?”

Very surprisingly, but Emma (a) took Neil to watch the rest of the match and (b) genuinely sounded like she would have taken Neil there in the first place if Neil had told her.

Blimey.

Emma does a nice thing for someone else!

Darrell gets a promotion Fri 15.06.12

The Archers Friday 15 June 2012

• Positive vibes about Open Farm Sunday
• Chris can’t get into his own toilet
• Matt appreciates Darrell
• Brookfield had chilli and rice

Positive vibes about Open Farm Sunday

David, Ruth and their brood were getting ready for Open Farm Sunday. They decided to go ahead, despite the gang and their sneaky threats.

Actually, David and Ruth sounded quite excited.

They have a grand all time looking at the photos Josh has arranged to be displayed. Rather than use the same ones as last year (as Pip wanted), he’s gone back through all of their photos to get those memory lane types.

[Ruth] “Suddenly I’m beginning to appreciate how many adventures we’ve had here … Brookfield’s magic moments.”

[Pip, still put out the photos weren’t her idea] “According to Josh!”

For the bid day itself:

[Pip] “You never know, the best of Ambridge might turn up.”

[David] “Well that would be competition for Bert”

While they’re all being so positive, David also announces he’s booked them a table at The Bull on Saturday to take a break from all their planning, and celebrate Ruth’s birthday (which actually sounded very much like a second thought!).

[David] “Are you happy?”

[Ruth] “Very. I’m glad we didn’t back out. Feels so good when we all come together.”

[David] “You know, I’ve got an inkling Sunday’s going to be a day to remember.”

Hmmm.

We all know that it’s likely to be remembered for all the wrong reasons.

Chris can’t get into his own toilet

When Amy stormed out of the vicarage, she went to Alice and Chris’.

Chris is not amused. He was already irritated that Amy was always over, and now he hasn’t been able to get into his bathroom for 25 minutes!

[Alice] “Yeah, well it’s different for girls.”

Alice told Amy that she could stay. For a “while”.

[Chris] “How long is a while?”

Later on, Alice missed a wind vibration experiment because she was with Amy. Again.

Alice’s point is that Amy is in a very bad way. Amy isn’t sleeping or eating. As Amy’s friend, Alice has to help. That Amy was (unwittingly) having an affair with a married man is also something obvious very close to Alice’s home (having Brian as a father).

[Alice] “I just want to protect her.”

[Chris] “You can’t though … she’s just got to work through it, move on.”

So – Alice’s plan H is to try and get Amy and Carl to meet up again, so that Amy can see for herself how much of a “loser” Carl is.

Maybe then, Amy can move on.

Here’s hoping (for all our sakes).

Matt appreciates Darrell

It would seem so.

Matt called Darrell into the office. Darrell was worried that Matt was about to sack him. That Matt had just been shouting at someone else on the phone didn’t help matters:

[Matt] “Sometimes you just have to be cruel to be kind in business .. .sometimes you just have to be cruel!”

But Darrell needed have worried. Matt had only good news for him – he’s been promoted to site manager.

[Darrell] “Seriously?”

[Matt] “I’m not really in a joking mood today.”

What’s more, Darrell’s position was to be formal and “above board”.

[Matt] “And if you accept, I do hope we can continue to develop a fruitful working relationship. If that doesn’t sound top slushy. So, what you do you say?”

[Darrell] “Erm, I do!”

Matt then wants to take Darrell for another pint, despite there still being work to be done.

What’s going on? Why the nice guy act from Matt? He’s surely up to something.

Brookfield had chilli and rice

Cooked by Ruth.

I really am obsessed about Ruth’s cooking. It is always a shock when you don’t hear the ping of a microwave in the background …

Neil has a good and bad day: Thurs 14.06.12

The  Archers Thursday 14th  June 2012

• Neil’s spotted the Ambridge Beast
• Neil’s a hungry chap
• Fancy donuts from America
• Ifty goes into Susan’s bad book
• Neil’s off the cricket team
• The Barbeque doesn’t get Adam’s mojo back
• Usha shouts at Amy

Neil’s spotted the Ambridge Beast

Neil bursts in at home with earth shattering news. Though Susan makes him put his boots on newspaper first …

[Neil] “Lynda’s monster. I’ve seen it. It’s a wild boar, a proper beast. The beast of Ambridge … massive it is, body dark grey, face is speckled white and it has tusks.”

[Neil] “(he’d seen it at Nightingale Farm) right outside the house, bold as brass Looked me straight in me eye, and then ran off towards the gardens.”

[Susan] “Oh Neil, well this is a scoop … you’ve solved the mystery of the monster!”

[Neil] “Might not be so lucky for my pigs. I’ll have to make extra sure they’re penned in tonight, I don’t want to risk any cross breeding.”

Well. That’s that then? Though I wouldn’t be so quick to pen up the pigs - could be a while new business venture.

Susan is beyond herself with glee.

[Susan] “It’s a moment in history … the moment the monster was identified by you!”

Neil’s a hungry chap

He got quite irritated that his lunch wasn’t ready there and then.

And sounds like he tucked into a 3 course dinner later on.


Fancy donuts from America

Keith brought them for Brad and Chelsea, Tracey gave them to Susan as:

[Susan] “Tracey reckons the sugar makes the kids even more hyper than usual.”

Neil enjoyed them. He really didn’t stop eating today.

By-the-by - what sort of donut were they on about?


Ifty goes into Susan’s bad book

Oh dear.

First, Susan is embarrassed that Tracey has been chasing after Ifty.

[Susan] “I can do without her making a spectacle of herself.”

Then she heard Neil was off the cricket team …


Neil’s off the cricket team

Or at the very least, sounds like he’s being rested for a bit.

After making her point to Ifty the other day that Neil didn’t want to leave the team, when Alistair called to talk to Neil, Susan assumed it was because Alistair was resigning – and Neil would be captain.

[Susan] “You are the elder statesman.”

But no.

[Neil] “I’ve lost my place in the team, Susan”

Seems the Ambridge Cricket team doesn’t need Neil’s “stature and experience”. And he has too many bad habits that are now too ingrained.

[Neil] “Suppose I’ll have to face the fact that I’m not as quick as I was, not as sharp … the glory days, are in the past.”

[Susan] “I’ll be the judge of that!”

Susan asks if anyone has been dropped:

[Susan] “I bet you that Iftikhar is at the bottom of this … he wants his favourites in the side … the team was doing fine before he turned up … he barged in like a bull in a china shop … and he’s been leading our Tracey a merry dance … oh, size of one Neil … mark my words, this Ifty's bad news. I can feel it!”

Phew! The wind doesn’t change as often as Susan’s mind.


The Barbeque doesn’t get Adam’s mojo back

At the pickers’ barbeque:

[Ian] “I’ve tasted weaker absinthe”

[Adam] “Well, she does call it the devil in disguise”

Adam’s on drinks, Brian’s on cooking meat. Seems Brian was beyond excitement about using the new tongs Jennifer had bought for him.

Adam seems to be enjoying himself at first, but Ian later finds him trying to get a rest, and also feeling quite sorry for himself.

[Adam] “This is my event, I’m supposed to be in charge, and I can’t even pour drinks properly.”

Usha shouts at Amy

Amy seems to be constantly regressing into her teens.

Today, she’d left a mess. Usha found her sat on the settee in the mess.

[Usha] “Look if you don’t want to talk to me fine, but we have to share this place and I expect you to clear up after yourself.”

[Amy] “What’s the point? You only end up rearranging it … you’re a control freak, you run this house, your try and run dad, thing is, you can’t run me”

[Usha] “Well I am sick of your rudeness”

[Amy] “I don’t care.”

Later on:

[Usha] “Sulk over?”

[Amy] “I’m not interested in listening to you”

[Usha] “You’re punishing me because I didn’t know what the right thing to do was … would you have believed me … you would have twisted it some way and hated me for interfering … Look, I’m tired of being blamed when the person you should be blaming is getting off scot free … I’m not taking it anymore, I understand you’re hurting, but you’ve got to get a grip on your life.”

[Amy] “You can’t speak to me like this!”

[Usha] “But you can speak to me however you want, you can do whatever you want?”

Amy gets to leave:

[Usha] “You can’t just walk out!”

But she does.

I wouldn’t have complained about that is I was Usha. Better to be shot of Amy in her current state.

Amy really is a scary stalker: Wed 13.06.12

The Archers Wednesday 13th June 2012

• David’s teas are worse than Ruth’s?
• There’s no point talking to her, Alan
• David must testify
• What a cliché!

David’s teas are worse than Ruth’s?

Now that takes some taking. It’s a marvel their three kids have had enough sustenance to grow.

Ruth’s was off out tonight, so Ben reckons David sorting tea will mean sandwiches.

Poor Ben.


There’s no point talking to her, Alan

[Alan] “I’m saying atmosphere’s not good for anyone … she is not a bad person,. She would never intentionally hurt you.”

Alan tells Amy she’s destroying their family, and asks her to sit down and talk with him and Usha.

But no.

The silly wee brat won’t.

Now there’s a surprise.

[Amy] “Usha lied to me and she thinks I go out with married men. The truth is, that relationship, it meant something to me dad”

*sigh*

Later, Usha to Ruth:

[Usha] “Apparently someone once described stepchildren as in-laws who you have to love but who actually hate you.”

[Ruth] “That bad, eh?”

Oh yes.

Alan tells Usha what happened earlier on:

[Alan] “I was trying to talk to her, she wouldn’t engage, she just went.”

He’s been trying to call her since, but Amy isn’t answering. The hospital has also been trying to get in touch about her shifts.

I hate to say it – but I really couldn’t care less what’s happened to Amy. Just as long as we get a wee bit of peace from her …


David must testify

So reckoned Usha, when Ruth told her about what’s been happening at Brookfield.

Seems everything has calmed down for a bit. Ben isn’t having nightmares, and with Ed and Bert also in on the bad doings, Ruth feels a bit safer being part of a crowd.

She wants to now go ahead with Open Farm Sunday. What with the Police, and the stewards, she thinks the gang won’t do anything.

However, Ruth’s now thinking ahead to the court case:

[Ruth] A big part of me wants David to pull out.”

[Usha] “To not testify? You can’t do that … what kind of world will Josh and Ben grown up in if people like David don’t do the right thing?”

(what about Pip?)

[Ruth] “Who will protect me kids Usha?”

Simples, reckons Usha.

David tells the truth in court. The bad men get jailed.

[Usha] “You will come out of this stronger Ruth. You, David and the kids.”

Either which way, Ruth feels better for sharing. And is muchly looking forward to Usha’s birthday party.

[Ruth] “I feel like I’ve been living in this weird bubble.”

What a cliché!

Very irritating, but Alice tracked down Amy.

She called while Amy was listening to Christina Aguilera’s I Am Beautiful.

Amy was sobbing as she talked down the phone to Alice.

She had gone to the café she and Carl (once) went to.

And was now sat outside Carl’s flat.

[Amy] “He hasn’t shown up. I’ve been here since 6 o’ clock. Where is he Alice? Why isn’t Carl here? I can’t let him go. I just can’t …”

Oh goodness me!

Alice tells Amy to stay put. She’s on her way to take Amy back to hers.

Chris will be happy about that (!).

That Amy also needs to try and be original once in a while.

Alice still on about Amy: Tues 12.06.12

The Archers Tuesday 12th June 2012

• Alice is (still) on heat
• The pollen is still annoying Lynda
• Tracey’s stalking Ifty
• Lynda tells Will she saw his will…
• Rosa’s stalking Jamie
• Jamie to learn chainsaw!
• PLEASE change the tune, Amy

Alice is (still) on heat

(seriously … there’s something in the water)

As Chris makes a “wide pair of webbed shoes” for a “four year old with collapsed heels” (one assumes that’s horsey talk!), Alice has her mind on other things:

[Chris] “It gets pretty hot in the forge.”

[Alice] “I know it does. Remember I like you all sweaty.”

Later on, as Alice wakes Chris up during a post-work nap:

[Chris] “Alice, I haven’t had my dinner yet.”

[Alice] “I must be more appealing than a plate of pasta!”

[Chris] “Of course you are, but not as calorific.”

But Alice can’t ‘do’ later on. Amy’s coming round … so Chris goes to nets instead.


The pollen is still annoying Lynda

Quite “vehemently”, actually.

Lynda swears by honey.

[Lynda] “They say a spoonful a day keeps the pollen away.”

Tracey’s stalking Ifty

As Ifty keeps getting texts:

[Lynda] “You alright Iftikar? You suddenly look rather wan.”

At nets:

[Chris] “What’s aunty Tracey doing?”

Would seem Tracey was stalking round the pitch, trying to get Ifty’s attention.  While still texting him.

(adult) Bunny Boiler …


Lynda tells Will she saw his will…

…y

(sorry – that’s a bad one, but couldn’t resist!)

[Will] “I haven’t seen you in ages.”

[Lynda] “No, no it has been a whole since I’ve seen you in the flesh, I mean, actually seen you …”

Will’s none the wiser until later on. He bumps into Lynda as she’s just leaving The Bull:

[Lynda] “Robert’s got a Rioja and a bag of pistachios waiting for me.”

[Will] “Any luck spotting the beast … I’m sure you’ll see something interesting sooner or later.”

[Lynda] “The cameras do suggest that there are wild animals out there, but they’re not what I expected. It’s amazing what does on in the woods after dark, mother nature’s quite a draw you know, for all strange bodies …”

[Will] “Oh! I think I’ll just get my pint …”

Poor Will.

Lynda seemed to really enjoy revealing what he and Nic had revealed to her …


Rosa’s stalking Jamie

Jamie’s at nets, so Rosa is also at nets.

[Rosa] “Why she giving me evils?”

[Jamie] “That’s Natalie, she’s my girlfriend.”

But Rosa doesn’t seem to mind or care.

(junior) Bunny boiler …



Jamie to learn chainsaw!

I wouldn’t have felt safe even just saying that a few months back.

What  changed lad he is.

Seems he really enjoyed working with Mike, and is chuffed as punch to be going on a one day chainsaw course.


PLEASE change the tune, Amy

Amy and Alice are having a drink out.

Amy starts on about how she keeps noticing the couples, and how she missed being part of one:

[Amy] “The everyday boring normality of being in a relationship.”

(what?!? She was only with Carl for 5 minutes)

Amy recalls the time she and Carl had breakfast in 9what sounds like) a greasy spoon:

[Amy] “I remember thinking I didn’t need anything or anyone else, it was just perfect.”

[Alice, getting frustrated] “The truth is Carl cheated on his wife, and he got found out.”

[Amy] “Well that’s your interpretation …”

Amy’s new theory is that the child Carl has with his wife isn’t actually his, and that he’s in the process of splitting up with his wife anyway.

[Alice] “Amy, I’m not saying this to hurt you, but Carl split up with you. He’s chosen her.”

[Amy] “How would you feel if this happened to you and Chris … you can’t be sure.”

[Alice] “Amy, what is it going to take for you to accept that Carl is a player?”

[Amy] “Maybe I’ll only believe it if Carl tells me himself.”

Oh for the love of god!

Get Carl to tell her, and make Amy shut up and grow up!

Chris certainly agrees with me. When Alice bumps him yet again for Amy:

[Alice] “You and me can see each other anytime.”

[Chris] “That’s not the point … no, you can’t keep dropping everything because Amy’s feeling down.”

[Alice] “… she can’t cope on her own. I thought you understood.”

[Chris] “Well I’ve had enough, no Alice, this is Amy’s mess not yours. So just back off.”

Good on you Chris!

Ben’s having nightmares Mon 11.06.12

The Archers Monday 11th June 2012

• Blood everywhere
• Didn’t he have a lovely time with Lilian!
• Beware of Matt bearing gifts

Blood everywhere

Is what Ben’s been seeing in his nightmares.

David and Ruth also told Josh (as well as Pip) about the threats. Josh had seen the Police arriving when he was leaving for school. Now he’s back home sick from school with a headache.

Though they haven’t told Ben, David and Ruth have had to tell Bert (so Freda as well), Ed and Emma (for Keira’s sake).

Seems the Police have also been telling Brookfield not to go ahead with Open Farm Sunday.

[Ruth] “It’s different now … I think we need to pull out.”

Didn’t he have a lovely time with Lilian!

Lilian’s round at Adam’s to cheer him up.

She gave him the “ultimate spa collection”

Put Hattie from BAFF into perspective:

[Lilian] “(Jennifer) was on about a boycott, made it sound like economic sanctions … the Hattie’s of this world will soon will find something else to get wound up about … leaflets, it’s hardly the poll tax riots!”

Fed him lovely food:

[Lilian] “Did you like the chorizo, flown in especially from Valencia?”

[Adam] “Today’s been lovely, there’s nothing better than being spoilt by my favourite aunt.”
And gees him up when he starts feeling guilty about not having done more to stop the Super Dairy. She tells him to get up, get out, and look after his pickers. They have a barbeque coming up:

[Lilian] “It sounds like exactly what you need to get your mojo back!”

Brilliant.

I want an aunt like Lilian!


Beware of Matt bearing gifts

First he’s OTT when complimenting Darrell on some of the carpentry he’s done.

Then he asks Darrell to do the skirtings in his office.

Later, in The Bull, Matt buys Darrell a pint.

Then gives him a cash bonus. Which Darrell tries to refuse, but matt insists.

[Matt] “Just remember, where women are concerned, Always useful to keep them sweet … which is why keeping my little mark of appreciation to yourself.”

What’s he up to now?

Sticky Wicket 2012 10.06.12

The Archers Sunday 10th June 2012

• Tracey makes more moves on Ifty
• The pollen count keeps Lynda away
• Elona and Darrell’s daughter Rosa
• Ambridge cricket team won!
• Jamie and Roy in the final
• Mike gave Jamie a job

Tracey makes more moves on Ifty

Tracey’s managed to get a deckchair next to Ifty, and is trying to show her cricketing knowledge. Which includes shouting at the Umpire that he got his decision wrong (Neil out to Harry):

[Tracey] “I’ll have a word of it later. He proper muffed it … problem is, I take my cricket seriously me. Reckon if brad and Chelsea hadn’t come along,. I’d have joined the barmy army … captain of the netball team in the juniors, wing attack …”

She then gets hot. Has to take her cardigan off. And asks Ifty to rub in some sun lotion …

[Ifty, sound exasperated] “Tracey, we’re in Ambridge, not Ayia Napa”

Later on, Ifty doesn’t even want Tracey’s prawns:

[Tracey] “…and they’ve got cheese. Cheese never harmed anyone, did it?”

Probably not. But scalding hot tea does harm one when it’s dropped onto their knee.

Which Tracey does to Ifty.

Yup. He’ll be hers in no time.


The pollen count keeps Lynda away

I’ll bet the rest of the Ambridge residents wish they’d know it was that easy years ago!


Elona and Darrell’s daughter Rosa

Rosa started speaking near the secret microphones today. And made quite an impact.

She first got told to “joy off to the rest of the kids” when she interrupted Tracey’s attempted flirtations with Ifty.

[Rosa] “I’m not a kid. I have a job!”

Indeed you do. With Mike, bottling. When she later has a chat with (at!) Mike about Ifty:

[Rosa] “I heard looked like he was in a boyband … that’s the old bloke who gave me a deckchair!”

But, Rosa definitely does like Jamie:

[Rosa] “I’ve enjoyed watching you play, I er, haven’t been able to keep my eyes off you”

Jamie sounded quite pleased to hear that. Not sure his girlfriend Natalie will be …


Ambridge cricket team won!

Against the Borchester Old Boys by 4 runs.

Good good.


Jamie and Roy in the final

Jamie won!

Well done Jamie. Well done indeed. Sid would be bursting with pride.


Mike gave Jamie a job

Clearing and logging timber on the estate with Mike. He seems really chuffed about that.

It also means he’s working for the same boss as Rosa:

[Rosa] “He can be a bit gruff, but he’s a big softy really.”

Will and Nic caught on camera 08.06.12

(doing adult stuff … blimey!)

The Archers Friday 8th June 2012

• Ifty wants artisan, local cheese
• Save Neil’s cricket!
• The tin of tomato soup flirting technique
• B*stards killed a sheep
• Susan and Lynda see A LOT of Nic and Will

Ifty wants artisan, local cheese

So Susan suggests Borchestershire Blue, Helen’s.

I wonder … will Ifty like the make as much as the product?

He’s seemingly so damn handsome, some lucky Ambridge lass must be destined to be his belle.


Save Neil’s cricket!

Susan’s heard that Neil might be dropped from the cricket team, so has a quiet word with Ifty.

If he has any sense, he’ll do exactly as Susan says. She won’t let go …


The tin of tomato soup flirting technique

Courtesy of Tracey Horrobin.

She spots Ifty in the shop, so topples over some soup (!) and loses an earring (!!).

I kid you not …

[Susan] “Only you could get one of my customers scrabbling about on the floor looking for your earring”

[Tracey] “Men just fall at my feet!”

Tracey has also now suddenly developed a need to learn the rules from cricket from Neil.


B*stards killed a sheep

Ben had done walkabout, so Ruth called him on his mobile. He answers, very upset, and starts saying something about a lot of blood.

When Ruth gets to him, it’s a sheep he’s found.

[Ben] “I was thinking, could it have been Lynda’s monster … it must be very fierce.”

Ruth tells him it must have been someone’s dog, and that she can see bite marks on its neck.

[Ben] “What’s going to happen now, will you have to shoot it?  … get Will Grundy in, he’s good at shooting foxes.”

When Ruth later talks to David:

[Ruth] “It wasn’t an animal. That was done by a human being … it looked like a blade of some sort … there were a couple of bite marks I could see, maybe they used a dog to bring it down.”

Just as they’re calling the Police, Pip comes in. And demands to know what’s happening.

[Pip] “So how about being straight with me for a change! … Some guy comes on the farm and cuts the throat of our animals, I think I should know.”

When David tells her that the Police are only going to do a few extra drive rounds during Farm Sunday:

[Pip] “What do they think we’re dealing with, if they can do that to an animal, and a kid see it …”

[David] “You can’t give into it. You can’t give into bullies … All we can do is stand together as a family, and look out for each other.”

Is it just me, or could Brookfield do with telling all and every in Ambridge? More eyes to see, more hands to punch …



Susan and Lynda see A LOT of Nic and Will

Kirsty had dropped off the video from the camera set up in the wood to Lynda. She and Susan started watching it to see if the Ambridge Beast had been caught on film. As they watch it:

[Susan] “Shame, no monsters.”

[Lynda] “Yes, it is disappointing … hang on ... what was that? … could have been a  fox I suppose, but I thought there was something …”

[Susan] “That’s not an animal. It’s Nic. Oh my goodness! That’s Will!”

[Lynda] “In the woods. In the middle of the night, … oh …!!!”

[Susan] “Oh, oh my lord!”

[Lynda] “They’re not …”

[Susan] “I think they are!”

[Lynda] “Yes. I think you’d better stop it now.”

[Susan] “Well, it’s all wildlife I suppose. In a manner of speaking.”

Oh my!

Wonder how far Will and Nic got before Lynda switched the tape off.

Amy is a horrid wee lass 07.06.02

The Archers Thursday 7th June 2012

• Amy is childish
• “That dreadful woman from BAFF”
• Amy is nasty

Amy is childish

Amy had taken a phone call at the Vicarage earlier in the week, where she grunted and basically said ‘whatever’ to whoever had been calling.

Turns out it was Jolene. Calling to say that Alan and Usha couldn’t have The Bull upstairs for Usha’s birthday on the night they had wanted to hold it.

Amy didn’t pass the message on.

Alan’s furious.

That Amy was trying to ruin Usha’s birthday. And that Amy made her own decision about the reason for Jolene’s call. As Alan pointed out, folks phone the vicarage for a number of reasons, often to talk about problems that are distressing them. They may just talk business to cover that they really need Alan’s help.


“That dreadful woman from BAFF”

Jennifer and Adam were at their stall, at the market, when Jennifer recognised Hattie from Borchester Against Factory Faming. Hattie was handing out leaflets.

[Hattie] “We’re just making shoppers are aware your links to industrial farming”

[Jennifer] “This is outrageous. You’re damaging our trade!”

[Hattie] “I’m simply pointing out the facts. People can make up their own minds.”

[Jennifer] “Well, I’d advise you to stop. This leaflet is probably libellous … Look, are you going to go away or do I have to call the market manager … you are conducting a personal vendetta against our family … it’s taken us years to build up this business and you just want to destroy it.”

Adam steps in, sending Jennifer back to their stall (customers were waiting).

He has a more rational discussion with Hattie. She knows Adam is also against the Super Dairy, so has a bit more respect for him. He also explains that if she continues to drive trade away from the stall selling his produce, the land he uses will likely just be folded into the Super Dairy.

[Adam] “Erm, would it compromise your principles to move a bit further away, it   is a very direct attack you’re making.”

Which Hattie does do.

[Jennifer] “I see Miss Doomsday has moved along a bit”

[Adam] “She’s idealistic yes, and probably impracticable …”

[Jennifer] “I’d like to see her run a farm … we’d all be starving  …alright, maybe she’s well intentioned.”

Jennifer also has to back down, as Hattie leafleting may get Jennifer, not Hattie, thrown out (what logic that comes from is anyone’s guess). She also had to accept that Hattie is closer to Adam’s opinions that any of the family.


Amy is nasty

After Alan shouted at Amy for not telling him about Jolene’s call, Amy has a go at Usha the moment she gets her alone.

[Amy] “You managed to turn my dad against me, again .. sitting there gloating while he had a go against me … you know your trouble, all you’ve had to think about is yourself, all your life, 50 years of having to consider no one else .. self-important job, no kids, and no chance of them arriving now to disturb your selfish life is there?!?”

[Usha] “I don’t have to listen to this. I’m ashamed of you.”

When Alan finds out, he manages to get Amy to admit that she called Usha selfish as she has no kids. Alan’s furious, again.

[Amy] “She treats me like a schoolgirl.”

[Alan] “Maybe because you’re behaving like one … this isn’t you … spite doesn’t suit you Amy. No matter how much you’re hurting.”

If I was Amy’s parent, I’d have kicked her out by now. She’s old enough to be looking after herself.

“No more sleepy Ambridge” 06.06.12

(could have fooled me!)

The Archers Wednesday 6^th June 2012

• Slooooooow day
• Ifty wants to drop Neil Carter
• Have a calf , or else
• David and Oliver don’t really debate the Badger vaccination
• Lower Loxley is busy
• Sandwiches and pork pies in the field
• The bailer keeps breaking down
• Should they tell the kids?

Slooooooow day

It’s been a while since we’ve had one, but here one was. Just a couple of eavesdropping moments worth a mention.

Ifty wants to drop Neil Carter

That’s not nice on Neil.

Have a calf , or else

One of Brookfield’s cows is on her eighth lactation, so she really does have to produce if she’s going to be kept.

[Ruth] “I’d still hate to see her go down the road”

(‘down the road’ is Brookfield talk for slaughter)

Lucky for the cow, she is in calf.

David and Oliver don’t really debate the Badger vaccination

Oliver is in to see David about vaccination. David’s still not sure it makes sense, and is still a fan of culling. He’s also been getting calls from other farmers who feel the same.

Seems DEFRA is doing trial culls in the Autumn. And Wales has told their farmers to vaccinate.

Oliver said something about the cost of the vaccination going up, but he’s hoping to balance that back down by bringing in contractors. But Ed will still be trained alongside them.

Lower Loxley is busy

With wine tastings and tours of the vineyards.

[Alistair] “He was a wise old owl in his own way was Nigel.”

Sandwiches and pork pies in the field

[Josh] “Why do we have to eat in the field anyway?”

Because Ed and David are out there bailing. So the whole family will join them for lunch.

The bailer keeps breaking down

[Ed] “It’s the knotting mechanism again.”

But they get it working.

Should they tell the kids?

[David] “Less than a month, and we’re behaving like we’re living in the middle of London.”

[Ruth] “It’s driving Josh up the wall, you can tell.”

Amy’s starting to scare me 05.06.12

The Archers Tuesday 5th June 2012

• Usha bites back
• Nic’s on heat
• Carl is 100% definitely married, and …
• Naughty fox (literally!)

Usha bites back

Quite right too!

Amy’s was doing her usual moody teenager routine, slopping about the kitchen. She was also complaining that Alan was away, but hadn’t told her.

[Usha] “I think you’ll find he did mention it.”

[Amy] “Yeah well, he doesn’t tell me anything anyway”

[Usha] “All I know is he was relieved to be getting away for the day!”

Amy responded that it’s actually Usha Alan’s trying to get away from – but that Usha blames anyone but herself.

(what a nerve!)


Nic’s on heat

Now we know that Nic and Will want to have a baby, but Nic is now one of many Ambridge residents who have recently been getting quite fruity. Must be because the bad weather is keeping everything indoors.

Nic cornered Will as he was coming out of the shop. She’d caught him buying more for his lunch, even though she’d made and given him sandwiches. What’s worse is that Nic knew Will wouldn’t have been adding healthy options in.

[Nic] “Oh you’re not after bananas. Chocolate bar more like!”

Nic most definitely wants her man on good, healthy food. She needs him to take care of himself.

[Nic] “It’s a special time, today and tomorrow, been checking. So give yourself an easy day if you can … I don’t want you tired out”

[Will] “I don’t think you’ll be disappointed”

(ugh!)

As Nic was leaving, Chris came along. He noticed Will was looking pleased with himself.

[Chris] “What’s this? You on a promise tonight?”

Carl is 100% definitely married, and …

… Amy is increasingly looking to be emotionally and mentally unstable.

After Googling and speaking to Annabelle, Alice worked out Carl’s wife’s firm. Then found their website. Luckily enough, the firm seems to think putting a great depth of personal information about their employees is a good thing to do.

Alice met Amy to tell her about what she’s found out about Carl. She hasn’t taken Carl’s name, sticking with her maiden name of Barrett.

[Amy] “It’s not much of a name, Barrett, it’s not very exciting.”

[Alice] “She’s a school governor”

[Amy] “Goodness, Never a dull moment with this woman!”

[Alice] “She’s a parent governor in a primary school …”

[Amy] “No …”

[Alice] “Carl’s a father.”

[Amy] “No. No he’d have said. You must have got it wrong. … I know Carl. He’s loving. And he’s kind. He’d never have let me get that close if he was in love with whatever her name”

[Alice] “But, some guys … that’s how they are. They don’t see the contradiction in these things v… look at the facts. They’re married and they live together.”

Amy then ranted something about Carl’s wife not feeling secure enough in her marriage to change her name. And that Carl must only be with her because of the kids.

[Carl] “It’s no wonder he had to be so tough with me … he most have found it so hard when he phoned to say it was over. He was doing it for the child.”

[Alice] “The guys got a wife and a family!”

[Amy] “And he’d tried to keep it together cause that’s what he’s like. And now he’s in love with me. Oh, he must be hurting.”

Cue The Psycho theme tune … that Amy’s a real worry.


Naughty fox (literally!)

Will got home from work to find steak, followed by raspberry pavlova, on the table. And a Nic still feeling more than ready to make babies.

But, he can’t stay. A “rogue” fox has been making a nuisance of itself, and must be stopped there and then, that night.

(begs the question of how a non-rogue fox would be treated)

Nic is furious.

[Nic] “And what am I supposed to do in the meantime … this is the first time in my life I’ve been stood up for a fox”

Nic calmed down, and made Will a sandwich to take back out with him.

I’m actually starting to feel sorry for Will here.

The Diamond Jubilee Beacon 04.06.12

The Archers Monday 4th June 2012

• There’s still plenty Jubilee cake
• Is Mike an amateur?
• The glamour of a burger van
• Brenda hates Vicky again
• Beacon to beacon
• David and Ruth still on high alert

There’s still plenty Jubilee cake

Not surprising, really. It was 60 sponges worth!


Is Mike an amateur?

It would seem so, when it comes to being married.

As he and Vicky are strawing up the Beacon (to make sure it starts up well), Vicky’s bemoaning that the local press were keen to take pictures of Alice in the Diamond Jubilee themed phone box. Vicky felt it should have been Susan or herself. They did all the hard work.

[Mike] “Young and pretty, ain’t she though, Alice”

[Vicky] “Charming!”

[Mike] “You know what I mean”

Doh!


The glamour of a burger van

[Brenda] “This must be about the highest gig Gourmet Burgers has ever done … think he sees it as a service to the village?”

But it wasn’t an entire loss. They took a fair bit of money. So at least Tom will be pleased.


Brenda hates Vicky again

It’s been a  while since Brenda has been negative about Vicky. I’d thought she’d even start to like her.

But no.

As Vicky is getting coffees from Brenda and Pip at the burger van, Vicky mentions that she can’t wait to retire when Mike does. And she’s hoping that will be soon.

[Brenda] But you can’t retire!”

[Vicky] “Course not, but I can stop”

[Brenda] “Dad’s been working for goodness knows how many years, but you’re still young.”

[Vicky] “That’s the point. We want to do things together while we can.”

[Brenda] “You do, you mean.”

(after Vicky leaves)

[Brenda] “Ugh, she can be so selfish that woman, it drives me mad.”

[Pip] “So I noticed!”

Later on, Mike went over to Brenda to say goodbye. He and Vicky were leaving as she was so tired.

[Brenda] “Oh that is so typical, sitting in the car waiting to be taken home … it’s all about her, what about dads? He looks so done in sometimes, she might try thinking about him for a change”

So it’s Brenda Vs Vicky game on, again.


Beacon to beacon

When the Beacon is lit, David reckons it’ll be seen in the Cotswolds, and even as far as the Welsh Border.

Ben also spots that they can see the Beacon in Gilbert’s Crossway.

[David] “You never know, they might be waving too.”

That must have been a magical sight.


David and Ruth still on high alert

Josh definitely knows something’s up.  He was asking David again about why they needed the security cameras. David answered that it’s just a precaution.

[Josh] “In case someone gets beaten up in our yard?”

Josh is thinking it’s because of David finding Adam when he’d been attacked.

When they get home after the Beacon, David checks the cameras. Nothing on there apart from Ben doing a wee dance in front of it.

[David] “All quiet.”

[Ruth] “Long may it last”

[David] “Everything going to be fine. You’ll see.”

Huh.

We all know the exact opposite will be true once an Ambridge resident says something like that.

The Diamond Jubilee 03.06.12

The Archers Sunday 3rd June 2012

• Clarrie and the Cake team
• It’s raining
• Joe had a free pint for the Coronation
• Bob Pullen isn’t wearing a suit
• “Icing against the clock”
• The maypole was a success
• Bob and Joe both have their moment

Clarrie and the Cake team

[Clarrie] “Look at this one … honestly, make you wanna cry. Didn’t we make it clear enough in the guidelines … not for Elaine Brooks, obviously! … And what about the round ones?”

I have no idea what Elaine Brooks did to her sponge, but it certainly wasn’t on spec.

Clarrie’s flapping, but she has a very calm Nic by her side. Who made suggestions like they can simply square off the round sponges … (!).

[Clarrie] “Eddie suggested we use a builder’s trowel … I think he were being rude about my butter icing”

Just as Clarrie was starting to panic (again), the ever dependable Jill comes in, gets a pinny on, and gets stuck in.

Jill also made a monumental save when Clarrie bemoaned that they were four cakes short of 60. That 60 obviously being a key number of cakes. Jill just happened to have baked an extra half dozen!

[Clarrie] “Oh Jill, I could kiss you!”

It’s raining

But that doesn’t dampen anyone’s spirits. That wouldn’t be very British.


Joe had a free pint for the Coronation

And tried his luck on Rhys for the Jubilee.

Not a chance. Rhys was more interested in tempting Joe into a Jubilee themed cocktail. Joe was not impressed:

[Joe] “I raised a pint of shires on Coronation day. And I’m very happy to do so on the jubilee too”

Joe recalls that for the Coronation, they watched in it on a 10” Ferguson telly “Mrs P” owned, but sited in Walter Gabriel’s sitting room (Mrs P, Mrs Perkins, was Peggy’s mum. For whatever bizarre reason, she was somewhat attracted to Walter). The telly wasn’t up to much:

[Joe] “Looked like her Majesty’s coach was passing through a snow storm … she ain’t done a bad job over these 60 years, I must say.”

I’m sure the Queen would be delighted to hear that.


Bob Pullen isn’t wearing a suit

But Joe is. And it sounded like Bob was in The Bull for quite a few hours before Joe …

[Joe] “Some folks round here look like they’re on a day out in Blackpool.”

“Icing against the clock”

30 minutes, in fact. The pressure is really on Clarrie, Nic and Jill.

Lynda had been harassing the cake team to get it finished in time, but when she went to check at the final minute:

[Lynda] “Oh, my word, it lovely. How on earth did you …?”

[Jill] “On a wing and a prayer!”

[Nic] “I don’t know why, but it feels like we should have someone playing the bagpipes”

Though it sounded like they had a wee wobble, they did manage to carry it out safely to the centre of the Jubilee celebrations.

That must have been some sight – 60 cakes made into one, with icing and lovely piping by Clarrie (not of the bagpipe variety!).


The maypole was a success

Well done Lynda, and the village kids.

[Ruth] “The whole thing was a triumph, despite the weather.”

Though they had to move the maypole (due to flooding?), Brad behaved himself.

[Ruth] “I heard about his little friend”

[Lynda] “Fortunately he didn’t put an appearance in today.”

(they’re referring to Brad’s rat, just in case you’re thinking anything appropriate was a foot)


Bob and Joe both have their moment

Bob was momentarily late for the cake cutting (which got Joe excited). When he did arrive, he had to be helped by Rhys (Joe was despondent). Bob had spent one moment to many in the pub …

[Lynda] “Three cheers for her majesty. And on this special occasion, I’d like to ask Mr Joe Grundy to lead us …”

[Clarrie] “Oh, well done Lynda!”

[David, getting a bit sentimental] “All this, the whole village together”

[Ruth] “Look at Joe, chuffed to bits.”

[Joe] “All I can say is, thank you very much ma’am, you do us proud!”

Cake, pub and maypoles. I think Ambridge did us proud too.

Clarrie’s losing sleep because of that cake 01.06.12

The Archers Friday 1st June 2012

• How did Spearmint get bruised?
• Alice has her reasons
• The cake isn’t a team effort
• Imprisoned at Brookfield
• Hercules is a Houdini
• The Ambridge Beast is camera shy

How did Spearmint get bruised?

[Chris] “He might have seen Lynda’s beast and bolted.”

Seems Spearmint, Alice’s horse, has been bruised for a few days, but Alice hadn’t seen it.

Hurt horse, I always think of Clive …


Alice has her reasons

Chris is getting rather fed up with Alice.

As well as having to suffer Amy constantly being round their house, Amy is also all Alice talks about. And he was most unamused that Alice seemed to be hinting Amy should move in with them … she got an outright “no”.

[Chris] “She just needs to get over it. Even if he told her face to face that he had a wife, she still wouldn’t believe it.”

So, Alice decides to turn detective. She’s going to find the proof that Carl is married, so that Amy can move on (shut up and start behaving like an adult again!).

[Alice] “All this stuff about Carl, it’s taken me right back to dad … all those people just torn to pieces. I can’t help mum, but I can help Amy … if I can prove what Carl’s like, maybe she’ll walk away from it all.”

Chris thinks Alice getting so involved will just make matters worse, but Alice is on a mission.


The cake isn’t a team effort

Clarrie’s furious.

As she’s on her way to do the Church flowers, Jennifer calls to say she can’t bring her any sponges.

Clarrie bumps into Ruth. Ruth also won’t be doing any sponges.

[Clarrie] “I’m a busy woman too … I mean, how long does it take to throw a sponge together? And she’s left it til now to tell me.”

It gets worse. Joe tells Clarrie that Jean Harvey also called. She’s going away for the weekend.

[Clarrie] “What, so no sponge!?!”

Joe also tells Clarrie that Sabrina Thwaite called … but only to check if she should use saffron to make the sponge yellow.

[Joe] “Well, I’m sick of it, every time I pick up the phone it’s somebody asking about that darn cake, and every time it’s a thorn in my side …”

[Clarrie] “I wake up nights in a sweat worrying about it … all you can do is whinge on about Bob Pullen cutting it.”

Later on, Joe finds his sympathetic side, and actually offers to lay the table for Clarrie! She apologises to him for snapping.

[Joe] “Well it only comes round once every 60 years.”

Clarrie’s beyond stressed about the cake as she sees it as the centre piece of the Jubilee celebrations. If it isn’t perfect, she’ll have failed in front of the whole village. And as for Joe complaining about Bob Pullen being chosen to cut the cake because he’s older:

[Clarrie] “Well Joe, it was only an accident of birth … you be generous, eh. You let him have his moment in the sun.”

Imprisoned at Brookfield

David’s memorising the licence plate of every car that comes near Brookfield.

Josh is moody. He knows something isn’t right.

And both David and Ruth are keeping their kids on short leads.

[David] “Short of tagging them, what can we do?”

[Ruth] “They’re not prisoners; they should be free to enjoy themselves.”

But what’s the alternative?


Hercules is a Houdini

[Clarrie] “You hang onto him Joe. I don’t want no ferrets on me ironing.”

The Ambridge Beast is camera shy

[Joe] “Edward says that beardy from the Wildlife Trust … him and young Kirsty set up cameras in the woods to try and spot it … it comes on automatic when something comes by … I still reckon it’ll be a hog.”

[Clarrie] “Well it won’t be a panther.”