David’s procrastinating 09/01/12

The Archers Monday 9th January 2011

• David doesn’t do well at a desk
• Should Jennifer be going to Pat’s 60th?
• Pork, every night
• A tank should thwart the badgers
• Brian furious, Annabelle depressed
• Tom got Pat a photo

David doesn’t do well at a desk

He’s doing everything to avoid having to catch-up the NVZ records.

He’s also not amused at the state of the NVZ record book from the tractor.

[David] “It appears to have been dropped in the mud …”

[Ruth] “What does it matter if the cover’s a bit mucky?”

Well, seems David needs to be able to read it, for one.

As he sits down at the computer to work his way through it, he finds an illegible page. He tries to blame it on Ruth, but it’s his writing.

[David] “This is last September Ruth, I can hardly remember last week!”

But Ruth manages to deduce what he needs to record, based in the time of year, and what field was before.

Phew!

You can have part of your single farm payment docked if don’t have your NVZ records up to date, you know.



Should Jennifer be going to Pat’s 60th?

Jennifer doesn’t know what to get Pat for her birthday. She’s also looking forward to Pat’s birthday bash … well, looking forward with a sense of trepidation.

[Brenda] “Should be fun”

[Jennifer] “As long as everyone behaves … you know, a few, tensions, in the family …”

(that’s putting it mildly!)

Seems Lilian has been going all guns to do Pat proud. She’s got in good caterers, a pianist and is curating an exhibition of photographs.

[Jennifer] “Pat Archers, the first 60 years …”

Anyhoo – Jennifer plumped for a pashmina for Pat.

hmmmm


Pork, every night

My word.

Tom and Brenda really are dedicated.

They are trying a different pork meal every night, in an attempt to find marketable (and tasty, one would assume) ready pork meals for Tom to flog.

[Brenda] “Pork chilli con carne tonight”

[Jennifer, a tad stunned] “oh, goodness me, how very enterprising …”

As Tom was waffling on about a local company he wants to take his readymade meals (Octagon Foods):

[Tom] “I know, trying but annoying them. It’s a fine line”

(aye, Tom should know! Or maybe he doesn't. That could explain a lot ...)

But Tom’s plans of domination are cut short by too much chilli … though that then starts him thinking about how Home Farm should grows chillies.

Tony will be pleased …


A tank should thwart the badgers

So reckons David and Ruth.

The tank will be a while new system, but it’ll cost the same as repairing the slurry lagoon – and they can’t make the slurry lagoon badger proof, anyway.

If they did go ahead and repair the lagoon, they’d need to apply to Natural England for a licence (which they do grant when damage to property, it would seem).

[Ruth] “The trouble is even if you persuade badgers to move, chances are they’ll find their way back”

Brian furious, Annabelle depressed

Brian is still unamused that the Echo will be running a story on the Super Dairy.

Sounds like he’s now going to push planning permission through in a couple of weeks.

[Brian] “They can be so insidious, these stories in the press. At least with the planners we can get our retaliation in first … this is such a blow Jenny. Annabelle was so depressed”

He’s getting a bit obsessed about who spoke to the press. One of the farmers he was talking to as potential suppliers? Pete Wilkes? When he went round, he even sounded like he was accusing David and Ruth …

[Ruth] “And even if you did find out, what could good would it do?”

[Brian] “I know you’re right. We’ve just got to take it on the chin, and move on, I suppose”

Brian better get used to bad press if he insists on pushing on with the Super Dairy!


Tom got Pat a photo

As a present to give Pat on her 60th.

It’s of himself, Helen and Henry.

Subtle …

PR disaster for Brian: 08/01/12

(ha!)

The Archers Sunday 8th January 2012

• Christmas, recycled
• Ruairi’s back to school
• Queen’s Diamond Jubilee
• Brian goes all Victor Meldrew
• Tracey pulls a crafty one

Christmas, recycled

Brian’s making use of Mike’s big chipper …

[Brian] “That’s Christmas done for another year”

[Mike] “Your tree lives on …”

[Brian] “You’ve just reduced it to a pile of chippings!”

[Mike] “Which will be composted and go to nourish the next generation of plants”

That’s one way of doing it.

I just get a tree with roots, and plant it. I’ll have no garden by the time I retire!



Ruairi’s back to school

And seems quite happy to be so.

Though he wasn’t as happy when Brian couldn’t take him there at the last minute.

That Super Dairy is already coming before family.

Just ask Adam.


Queen’s Diamond Jubilee

[Mike] “Are we doing anything for the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee?”

Blimey – I didn’t even know it was due.

But seems so. 2nd-5th June 2012.

Brian remembers the Silver Jubilee, which was in 1977. He recalls it with a groan, as he was on the organising committee.

As was Neil. Who was there representing the Youth Club …

… while I do accept that Neil was also once a youngster, he was 20 in 1957. Maybe he was just a later bloomer.

And Mike got to light the beacon.

Anyhoo – seems there’s a scheme to plant jubilee oak trees (similar to the silver jubilee, where one could sponsor a tree). This time, saplings have been grown from acorns grown on royal estates.

Nice idea.

But where (oh where) shall they put them, Mike and Neil wonder.


Brian goes all Victor Meldrew

[Brian] “What! I don’t believe it?”

Seems the Echo has called Annabelle to get a statement about the Super Dairy.

[Brian] “Who told them???”

They’re going to “splash” a story about the Super Dairy on Thursday.

Though Brian reckons they’ve got “confused facts”, he knows it’ll be damaging whether true or not. He reckons their take on it will be that:

[Brian] “This is the latest scheme by the incompetent bunch who brought you Borchester’s accident prone livestock market …”

And Debbie won’t be amused:

[Brian] “The last thing she said to me on Friday is that PR will make or break this scheme”

Brian really isn’t a happy bunny.

[Brian] “It’s a good news story, Jenny. That’s what’s so frustrating! The cows thrive in this type of setup, it’s designed for their wellbeing, An integrated system like this, with an AD energy plant, is about as environmentally friendly as you can get!”

(answers for what an AD energy plant is, on a postcard, c/o NO. 73)

[Jennifer] “And you’ll be creating jobs”

[Brian] “Quite, but what’s the Echo going with? That we’re a bunch of incompetents dabbling in some grotesque kind of factory farming … we’ll be really lucky if we’ll manage to row back from this”

[Jennifer] “Do you have any idea who could have leaked this story?”

[Brian] “Now I can’t get rid of this nagging suspicion that someone’s blabbed …”

Well, course they have! If someone hadn’t told the Echo, the Echo wouldn’t know.

So – odds on for Adam?

Though what about Pip?



Tracey pulls a crafty one

Tracey’s at home (well, Bert and Gary’s) cooking tea.

[Tracey] “It’s lovely being here. Back in the old homestead”

Bert’s asking her about whether she’s decided to move in. Or not.

She says she is very tempted.

He says it would “mean the world” to him, especially as the house feels so empty.

[Bert] “I always knew where your mum was, when she wasn’t chatting, she were singing”

[Tracey] “Or coughing …”

(Oh come on! That’s a bit nasty)

Seems Bert has to turn the TV on for company, especially when Gary goes out.

But, Tracey is going on about “future” and “security” again. She spells it out. She’s worried that if something happened to Bert, she would be out on her ear. So:

[Tracey] “How would you feel about putting the house in my name?”

[Bert] “Eh?”

[Tracey] “As well as yours, obviously”

Tracey claims she wants to take responsibility as well as provide a future for her kids. Help make sure the rent and the bills and such.

[Bert] “What about Gary … what would happen to him?”

[Tracey] “Nothing. It wouldn’t affect him. He’d just carry on the way he always has”

(Oh be scared Gary. It’ll be a cardboard box if push comes to shove)

AND Tracey has already phoned the housing association to see if it’s okay for her to be a joint tenant. Which it is. And as Bert is worried about contacting them, she’ll even write the letter for him.

[Bert] “Well, in that case, if you think that’s the way to go … alright then”

Do we wonder whether Susan and Neil will be so happy that Tracey is moving out, they won’t notice her ploy?

We don’t get to eavesdrop in on Tracey telling Neil the full story, but she is already twisting it into her doing Bert a favour:

[Tracey] “The thing he can’t stand is the quiet … it reminds him, happy family time … I thought you’d like to know that you’re getting shot of us at last!”

[Neil] “And it’s definite this time, is it …”

And she says the ball is now in Neil’s court.

He better get painting.

Adam’s furious 06/01/12

The Archers Friday 6th January 2012

• Tracey’s not to be evicted
• The Super Dairy got the go ahead
• Brian’s beyond cocktails and sushi
• Adam only sees doom and gloom
• Christmas is put away
• Open day at a burial site
• Orange or dusky peach?

Tracey’s not to be evicted

Tracey has slept on Bert’s offer to return home. She’s not keen.

[Tracey] “To be chef cook and bottle washer for me old dad and useless brother, it depresses me just thinking about it … in the cold clear light of morning, I can see it for what it is, a huge step backwards”

Which is a very fair point. Tracey would be returning to the very same bedroom she grew up in.

So, she’s back to thinking about moving back to where she came from.

[Susan, sounding a bit desperate] “Wouldn’t thy be better off growing up in a nice village and going to a decent school … and what about dad?”

But Tracey’s not listening.

And Neil is furious that she’s changed her mind.

What’s plan C, Susan?


The Super Dairy got the go ahead

From the BL Board.

Seems all Adam could say to that way “I see …”

[Brian] “Well, he was delivering triplets at the time … the Ball is in his court, Debbie, he’s the one behaving like a spoilt brat”

Brian’s beyond cocktails and sushi

It’s Jennifer’s birthday tomorrow. So Brian is taking her to Grey gables for a meal.

Debbie takes the Michael that they always go there.

[Brian] “We like Grey gables. We’re getting a bit old for cocktails and sushi in some trendy Borchester watering hole”

[Debbie] “You, old? That’ll be the day!”

Adam only sees doom and gloom

It’s Debbie’s last day, so Jennifer is trying to get Adam to at least come in for lunch with them.

[Adam] “I’ve got nothing to say to Debbie”

[Jennifer] “Oh Adam, I know you disagree about this dairy business .. but you got your way didn’t you. Even if it does ahead it isn’t going to impact on Home Farm”

Adam doesn’t agree. The barn will be on their land, so folks will think it’s a Home Farm venture. What’s more:

[Adam] “It’s a disaster for the village, it’s a disaster for the entire area”

Later on, Adam apologies to Jennifer for losing his temper.

[Jennifer] “Oh darling, I’ve lived through lambing long enough, I know how tired and stressful it makes you”

[Adam] “I suppose I was hoping beyond hope that the BL board would have the sense to turn down this appalling plan of Debbie’s … but basically agree with her, there’s money to be made out of this obscene factory farming, and so to hell with the consequences”

[Jennifer] “Will it really be that bad?”

[Adam] “I don’t like that kind of farming … plenty of people are so against it they prepared to boycott the people who do it “

And while they had opposition to the poly tunnels, he reckons it’ll be twenty times worse with a Super Dairy.

Adam is also furious at Debbie for harassing David and Ruth again.

[Adam] “How crass can you get>? She knows how much David and Ruth hate the idea, but already she’s planning how she can use their difficulties to further her own ambition ..,. dancing on their grave, more like”

Jennifer won’t take sides, and she presses Adam again to talk to Debbie.

[Adam] “I certainly don’t want to heat any more of her weasel words, it’ll just turn into a slagging match”

Brian is having a separate chat with Debbie. He still thinks Adam will come round – that he’s just exhausted and “ratty” due to lambing.

[Debbie] “there are a lot of Adam’s out there you know. He’s not the only one who is going to see this desecration of all they hold dear … not just the usual suspects”

So they agree with Adam that the opposition will be more than just Lynda Snell and a placard.

In fact, they’d already build significant budget for PR into plan.

Punch up ahoy!


Christmas is put away

Neil and Susan are taking their tree down. Neil jokes that the lights will be found in a tangled mess next year, regardless of how carefully he puts them away. Very true.

Seems Mike has a “big chipper” that everyone takes their trees to be recycled.

[Tracey] “That’s Christmas one for another year … it was lovely though …no Den, that’s what makes the difference. I didn’t have to worry about him getting drunk and having a punch up with Stewart”

Open day at a burial site

Interesting idea. Seems Mike wants one for the green burial site.

Orange or dusky peach?

Susan’s back on at Tracey about moving back in with their dad and Gary.

Seems she sounds a bit more interested again. Though she has a long list of redecorating that she wants to add to Neil’s plans.

She reckons her bedroom needs damp sorted, wallpaper and painted.

[Tracey] “You were the one who insisted on orange walls”

[Susan] “It’s not orange, it’s dusky peach”

[Tracey] “It might have been peach once, but it’s orange now. Years of fag smoke I suppose”

In fact, she reckons that all the ceilings need done. They look remarkably like a pub ceiling pre-smoking ban.

But she still isn’t 100% sure of what she wants to do. She wants to talk to her dad again. And also make some phone calls.

Still, it’s yet another step in the right direction … Neil may be frustrated at the lack of progress, but it’s better than nowt.

The BL Board votes 05/12/12

The Archers Thursday 5th January 2012

• Brian’s back on track
• Bert asks Tracey to come home
• Why does Gary have bunkbeds?
• Andrew Eagleton has a problem

Brian’s back on track

In his own, humble (!) opinion.

He has managed to get three arable farmers to agree to be suppliers for their Super Dairy, which means he has a “viable plan B” to put to the BL Board – who are voting today on whether to go ahead.

Even if the BL Board do vote it through, Debbie still hasn’t managed to get Adam onside.

[Debbie] “I just had a chat with Adam … I don’t know what his problem is …”

In Debbie’s opinion, Adam has got everything he wants – Home Farm to be kept the way it is, steering clear of the Super Dairy. She thinks he’s now just being petulant.

[Brian] “He simply can’t accept that this is the way farming is going”

Bert asks Tracey to come home

Tracey was telling Bert that she’s thinking of moving back (to wherever she came from). Not to get back with Den:

[Tracey] “Reckon he’s as glad to see the back of me as I am of him”

But to her own place. She can’t cope with the long school run anymore, but can’t afford somewhere in Ambridge.

[Bert] “Susan said … well, I was wondering actually … how would it be if you moved back in here?”

Tracey initially says an outright no, They just wouldn’t all fit in.

[Tracey] "So this was Neil’s idea? Bet it was ..."

Bert explains Neil’s plans for creating another bedroom. Tracey could have her old bedroom back (the one she used to share with Susan).

[Bert] “Have it all to yourself now!”

And the kids would have his old room. He reckons he’s not getting much sleep anyway, in his big bed alone.

And a massive bonus would be that they kids would have a garden to play in. They didn’t have that before.

[Tracey] “How would you feel about having them here? You know what Brad’s like, he can’t sit still for 5 minutes and he doesn’t have a volume control … and Chelsea’s is not much better… but you were young then, you could cope with the racket, you want some peace and quiet now”

But Bert reckons he’ll have peace in the grave … and he can have his own TV in his room, and always just go out.

[Bert] “I’d love for you to come home Tracey, really I would”

Tracey sounds nearly convinced, but she wants to sleep on it.


Why does Gary have bunkbeds?

He really is odd.


Andrew Eagleton has a problem

[Brian] “Me, essentially, he thinks I’ve lost all credibility”

He scoffs his way through Debbie’s presentation, and questions them on the lack of control they’ve now got by having to use external suppliers. Who are they/ Can they be depended on? Surely they’ll ditch the Super Dairy if a better offer comes long.

Brian reckons he’s “rubbed shoulders” with two of them at NFU meetings.

[Andrew] “So you don’t actually know them?”

Erm, no. he doesn’t.

And what about the fact that Brian couldn’t convince Adam to work with them? How can the BL Board know he’ll manage the other suppliers properly?

[Debbie] “Units like this offer a very good deal to the farmers involved .. .a guaranteed purchaser .. .Adam has no experience in these things, I do”

As they have a comfort break (the meeting sounded like the House of Commons to me – lots of baritone murmurings. Thankfully none of the fake guffawing), Brian is not happy with Andrew.

[Brian] “I could happily punch his lights out!”

[Debbie] “He’s alienating the rest of the Board by banging on like that, so keep calm and let me do the talking”

Which he does. Debbie closes her presentation by saying that she’d be project managing the Diary (still from Hungry). I had thought she might be returning …

Anyway, it goes to the vote. And they turn off the secret microphones …

Brookfield to stop dairy? 04/01/02:

The Archers Wednesday 4th January 2012

• Gary nearly burnt the house down
• How was Neil’s Christmas?
• Susan convinces Bert
• Jill isn’t sentimental
• Debbie hasn’t won friends at Brookfield

Gary nearly burnt the house down

Seems he was cooking sausages when the phone rang. Susan later arrives to find the house stinking of smoke, and her dad trying to clean the burnt pan.

[Susan] “If you’ve got a frying pan on the stove, you don’t leave the room!”

Is Gary useless, or is he special?

[Susan] “I don’t know dad, you and Gary, you need someone to look after you full time”

Bert isn’t even sure if he’s had breakfast yet. So Clarrie does him some toast, while buttering him up for her crafty plan to be rid of Tracey and her kids.


How was Neil’s Christmas?

Asks Jill.

[Neil] “I’ve had more relaxing times with a yard full of hungry weaners!”

Susan convinces Bert

[Susan] “The point is, Tracey would like to stay in the village, not least so she can carry on looking after you and Gary, you’re not making much of a fist of looking after yourselves, are you? …What we thought was, wouldn’t it make sense for the Tracey and the kid to move into here”

[Bert] “Here … there isn’t room … there’s only the one bedroom spare”

Susan rightly points out that he and Ivy managed to bring up 6 Horrobins in the same house. And she tells him of Neil’s plan to turn the dining room into Bert’s bedroom, with the pantry as an en suite.

[Bert, horrified] “In the pantry!”

But he does see the sense in Tracey moving in. For his and Gary’s sake, as well as meaning Tracey can live back in Ambridge.

[Susan] “Be best coming from you, dad”

Neil’s happiness now depends on Bert convincing Tracey. Susan tells Neil:

[Susan] “I don’t think he’s all that keen on having Brad and Chelsea there … Dad reckons she’s not going to happy swapping this house for no. 6”

Not a very confident start.


Jill isn’t sentimental

She’s at Brookfield seeing a rather depressed David and Ruth.

The Environmental Agency has been in to examine the slurry lagoon. While they’ve confirmed that the lagoon has sufficient capacity to comply with new regulations, they’re also saying that it will need to be relined.

Which will cost a cool £20,000.

Or, Brookfield cold get a whole new system, involving a tank and a new way of dealing with waste water. But that would cost about the same amount.

But it’s all academic. Either which way they go, Brookfield doesn’t have £20,000. And with their current balance sheet, they might struggle to get a bank loan.

[David] “If those damn badgers hadn’t chosen to start their excavations now, we wouldn’t have had to do anything for a couple of years”

And now that Brookfield is on the radar of the Environmental Agency (who weren’t chuffed that their NVZ records were behind), they can expect a lot more checking and potential interference.

Jill remembers that Phil had problems with the lagoon. He used local clay to fix it, but seems it’s now deemed “insufficiently impermeable”.

[Ruth] “There’s no way we can do a DIY job on this one, I’m afraid”

[David] “I’m seriously wondering whether it’s worth it … should we cut out losses and sell the herd”

[Ruth] “It’s absolutely a last resort,. And it would break my heart … Brookfield without a dairy herd. What would Phil say?”

[Jill] “I think Phil would understand. He trusted your business sense … well, we can’t afford to be sentimental, can we?”

[Ruth] “I’m praying it doesn’t have to come to that. there’s got to be another way”

Debbie hasn’t won friends at Brookfield

Jill was telling Ruth and David that Debbie and Elizabeth have made up (and retold that they’d fallen out 9 years ago because Elizabeth knew about Brian and Siobhan’s affair).

[David] “So, if I wait for another 8 years, maybe Elizabeth will consider speaking to me again?”

Ruth is not a big fan of Debbie at the moment:

[Ruth] “So, she turns up here last night, and says I hear you might be going out of dairy, so would you like to reconsider our offer. As if supplying fodder to this glorified milk factory would in some way compensate for the loss of our precious cows. I mean, how insensitive can you get!”

Tom wants to breed 03/01/12

The Archers Tuesday 3rd January 2012

• Emma’s in a catty mood
• Clarrie is unaware of the cake swap
• Tom wants a baby
• Cheerio Patsy!
• “Bloomin’ badgers”
• Debbie spots an opportunity
• Pork saves Brenda
• Lily ‘gets’ Pantos
• Debbie and Elizabeth make friends

Emma’s in a catty mood

She didn’t rate Henry’s birthday party – it was too noisy for Keira (so they had to leave before the cake).

And she also didn’t rate Nic and Will’s wedding. Now there’s a surprise …

[Emma] “I didn’t think much of the breakfast … well it was just that wasn’t it. Breakfast. The sort of thing you can have any day”

But Clarrie spoke up for Nic and Will. She had chuffed to have had eggs benedict, which she’d never had before.

As Clarrie is wondering just how much of a marvellous time Will and Nic are having on their honeymoon, she’s ignoring Emma trying to tell her how to look after Keira.

[Clarrie] “Leave her to me, Emma, I have brought up babies of my own, you know!”

Clarrie is unaware of the cake swap

George mentioned he had sponge cake at the wedding, which Clarrie was surprised about. But she still didn’t twig that anything had changed with the wedding cake – she just thought they must have made a separate sponge for the kids.

Looks like Caroline and Ian have got away with it …

(so most kids hate fruit cake?)


Tom wants a baby

But he has to first get Brenda to concur.

[Tom] “You know what Bren. For the first time, I’m starting to feel that maybe I’m ready to be a dad”

[Brenda, a bit shocked] “Oh … Henry’s gorgeous, I grant you, but the trouble with babies you never know what you’re going to get, You much end up with Keira … I can’t help noticing, you’ve suddenly got interested in babies ever since you discovered that John had a son”

Which Tom denies. He reckons it’s because of being with Henry.

[Tom] “Babies can be fun!”

[Brenda] “In small doses …”

Cheerio Patsy!

Ruth’s delighted that Emma’s returned to clean at Brookfield. It’s meant the “dreaded” Patsy won’t be terrorising her anymore. Seems Patsy was a great cleaner, but Ruth felt the need to tidy up before she arrived …



“Bloomin’ badgers”

So reckons Ruth.

She’s on about the slurry lagoon again, and how much it’s going to cost to fix.

And they also haven’t been doing their NVZ (Nitrate Vulnerable Zones) records properly. Which could get them into trouble with the Environment Agency.

They surely can’t blame the badgers for their sloppy paperwork?



Debbie spots an opportunity

Though Adam still isn’t being “friendly” to Debbie, and while Brian reckons that they not exactly inundated with arable farmers wanting to supply their Super Dairy (seems Pete Wilkes, Spencer’s dad, has pulled out. Something to do with Pip?), Debbie brightens up when she hears the news from Brookfield.

[Brian] “There’s a distinct possibility they might be going out of milk”

[Debbie] “Well, in the case, perhaps they might like to reconsider your offer … or raise heifers for us”

Brian doesn’t sound so sure they’ll have changed their attitude about working with the Super Dairy.

It’s a bit of a shock to see Debbie being so callous … one would almost be forgiven for thinking Brian’s her dad.


Pork saves Brenda

Tom’s back from his meeting with a development chef at HEFF (Heart of England Fine Foods). He’s quite excited.

While it seems that his idea of making pork pies is not a goer (too competitive a market), he’s now thinking of readymade pork meals.

Sausage casserole, pork stroganoff, pork lasagne …

[Tom] “Anything's worth a try. Experiment. Pork goulash., Pork cobbler. See what works”

HEFF will help Tom develop the meals, and also take them to focus groups (and the like).

[Tom] “This could move the Tom Archer brand into the premiership!”

Brenda spots her chance. She lays it on thick about how she believes in Tom and his potential. But, all of this will take a lot of hard work.

[Brenda] “So maybe not the best time to think about having babies, right?”

[Tom] “Well … okay. Maybe we should wait a year or two”

Phew!

But I’m still wondering why them getting married hasn’t been mentioned. This is turning out to be a very long engagement.

Think they’ve just forgotten?


Lily ‘gets’ Pantos

Elizabeth and Lily are talking about all of the pantos that Lily has been to, though she was too young to remember a lot of them properly.

[Lily] “So I have seen quite a lot … and I think I understand what it is that makes a panto work”

Good-o.

That Lily can be a bit strange.

When Debbie comes in to see Elizabeth:

[Lily] “Do you want to talk to mum … that’s good, if she has someone to talk to, I can get on with my review”

Lily is either old beyond her years, or a bit creepy …



Debbie and Elizabeth make friends

Debbie apologies to Elizabeth for overreacting to Elizabeth’s comment about Ruairi at the panto, and Elizabeth apologises for having mentioned him looking like Siobhan in the first place.

[Elizabeth] “I knew perfectly well how you felt about Siobhan, and to bring her up like that …”

[Debbie] “I was horribly insensitive, and you’re right, he does look like his mother”

[Elizabeth] “Your mum has been amazing. I didn’t mean to belittle what she’s done”

[Debbie] “If she can be so generous and forgiving and accept Ruari into her life and love him, like her own child, then, how can I have let this drag on for nearly ten years … I’m so sorry, particularly this last year, with what you’ve had to bear … I should have been … I should have made more of an effort. I should have been there for you”

[Elizabeth, sobbing] “You're here now, I can’t tell you what that means to me. That we’re friends again”

Ah, that’s nice.

Elizabeth does need all the friends she can get. And so will Debbie, once word about the Super Dairy gets out …

A year on since Nigel 02/01/12

The Archers Monday 2nd January 2012

• Helen can spell but might run out of cake
• Helen is “tired” again
• To the Panto
• Memories of Nigel
• Elizabeth Vs Debbie continues
• Good lord … Tom to procreate?
• Tom doesn’t rate Emma
• Henry walks!

Helen can spell but might run out of cake

It’s Henry’s first birthday, and his ever delighted mum has made him a cake. It doesn’t sound perfect, but Helen’s not bothered.

[Helen] “This one maybe a bit cockeyed, but by the time he’s about 15 I’ll have got the hang of it”

She certainly wouldn’t have had anything but perfection before this time last year …

When they later come to blowing out the candles, Tom helps Henry do it. Seems he’s already taught Henry how to blow raspberries, so they use that technique on the candles.

Tom and Henry’s spit on the birthday cake.

Nice.


Helen is “tired” again

After Nic and Will’s wedding.


To the Panto

Jill and Elizabeth are at the Panto with Freddie and Lily.

I thought it was odd that Elizabeth was so keen on taking the twins to the panto, but she explains that it was a way of getting them out of the house and to something completely different.

Lily is remembering that Nigel once played a dame. He was Nigella to Nelson Gabriel’s Gabrielle.

When Debbie arrives with Ruairi, she remembers playing Robin Hood in a village panto, with her (now ex) husband playing the Sheriff of Nottingham. She thought that was very apt for Simon Gerrard, in hindsight …

[Debbie] “I always got cast as the man in the village panto”

Which Jill reckons was a result of Debbie being tall.

Anyhoo, seems the kids enjoyed the panto, though:

[Lily] “I thought Prince Charming was a bit soppy”

Memories of Nigel

The Pargetters seem to be coping quite well on the anniversary of Nigel’s death.

Elizabeth tells Jill that the Twins were a bit tearful this morning, especially Freddie. She seems to be a bit tearful herself:

[Elizabeth] “Just sometimes .. I get ambushed by memories … The harder you try not to think about something …”

But she does seem very calm, considering. Her kids are making sure that she keeps on an even keel.

[Jill] “She always seems to know when her mum needs looking after …It might be better if she gave into her feelings a bit more”

Elizabeth Vs Debbie continues

Elizabeth was not at all pleased when Debbie come to the panto with Ruairi.

When Elizabeth later blurts out that she thinks Ruairi looks so like his mother …

[Debbie] “When you said his mother, I though you meant my mother. She’s the one he calls mum. She’s the one he turns to when he’s sad or hurt. I don’t suppose he even remembers … her …”

Debbie spat out that “her”.

If we recall back, Elizabeth was Siobhan’s friend. Looks like Debbie still hasn’t forgiven her for that.


Good lord … Tom to procreate?

Henry’s opening his presents.

[Helen] “You don’t care, do you? You just like playing with the pretty shiny paper”

Henry doesn’t even shown an interest in a wooden truck with red wheels, full of coloured bricks. So Tom starts playing with it to show Henry how marvellous it is.

[Tom] “Being an uncle’s the best fun in the world, you can stop pretending to be a grown up all the time!”

[Helen] “What about being a dad … have you and Brenda thought about having one of your own?”

Tom says he has been thinking about it.

Oh the horror!


Tom doesn’t rate Emma

Helen was talking about herself and Emma going back to work tomorrow.

[Tom] “Work? What work?”

Seems Tom doesn’t think cleaning at Brookfield is proper work.

[Tom] “Not quite as challenging as a full day in Ambridge Organics!”

Henry walks!

And on his first birthday.

Perfectly timed. That boy will go far (especially now he’s mobile!)

Nic and Will’s wedding 01/01/12

The Archers Sunday 1st January 2012

• Will was in bed for the bells
• Second time lucky
• Helen’s saucy garter
• Nic puts her dress on
• Caroline’s back to form
• William Edward marries Nicola Louise
• The doomed cake
• Will’s a changed man
• Bartleby was the highlight

Will was in bed for the bells

10.30pm, in fact. In a strange bed, all alone.

Well, fair enough. He is getting married today.


Second time lucky

Will’s remembering the day he married Emma:

[Will] “Even then I knew something was wrong … day of the wedding, I remember sitting on the tombstone in the churchyard trying to figure out what was going on with Emma, then she told me she was pregnant, then I thought, well that explains everything. How wrong can you be?”

[Roy] “It’s ancient history now”

[Will] “Couldn’t be more different this time. I know it’s right. I’m completely relaxed”

[Roy] “Well, you were pretty scratchy last week!”

[Will] “I know Nic loves me. And I can’t wait to stand up there, in front of everyone, and tell them how much I love her”

Helen’s saucy garter

Helen gives Nic a garter for her something new. Seems it dates back to Helen’s “misspent youth”.

[Helen] “I thought a garter would make men fall at my feet … well, only to look up my skirt”

As Nic puts it on:

[Helen] “Fantastic. You don’t even need the dress!”

Nic puts her dress on

Which was a complicated procedure, taking at least 5 minutes of eavesdropping time …

But, Will certainly appreciated the effort as Nic walked down the aisle.

[Will] “Look Roy. Just look. Isn’t she beautiful!”

Caroline’s back to form

After the cake debacle, Caroline’s back to her usual precise and proficient self.

It takes her and her team only 15 minutes to switch the room round from the marriage ceremony to the meal.



William Edward marries Nicola Louise

I always find it hard to listen to Will without imagining he has a sneer on his face, but his vows sounded heartfelt.

And that was that really. Will said his vows. Nic said hers. No objections or lover rushing in at the last minute.

Quite sweet, really.



The doomed cake

Ian doesn’t want to lift the cake on his own. Which is fair enough. But I was a tad concerned that he asked Caroline to help, considering her track record with that cake.

[Ian] “I have a terrible feeling that this cake is doomed!”

But all was well. The cake was constructed without further incident. And it would seem Clarrie didn’t notice the freshly made replacement tier, nor did anyone else notice Caroline taking two of the tiers away as soon as she could.


Will’s a changed man

During Roy’s best man speech:

[Roy] “Will hasn’t always been the relaxed, confident, contented man that you see today … he’s changed, and we all know why, don’t we, it’s because he met. Who made him smile and taught him what real love means”

Very good point indeed. Will has changed from being a morose, violent thug to being rather sweet and calm.

Well done Nic. You’ve probably saved Ed’s life …


Bartleby was the highlight

[Clarrie] “Poor Nic riding round in that old trap just for the sake of keeping Joe happy. I never heard of nothing so daft”

But Nic loved it. Folks were waving at them as they went round the green, and Roy had phone The Bull so that everyone there also come out to wave.

Caroline drops the cake 30/12/11

The Archers Friday 30th December 2011

• Brookfield in for a bumpy 2012
• The cake arrives
• Joe’s fixing the chandelier?
• No dairy at Brookfield?!?
• The cake gets sat on

Brookfield in for a bumpy 2012

It’s raining

Actually, it’s a downpour. Which is a real worry for Brookfield.

They’ve had to spread extra slurry to empty the slurry lagoon. If it rains too much, that slurry will be washed into waterways (which will result in fines, as well as pollution).

But all looks fine so far, with no run off.

[David] “And certainly no dead fish, thank god”

Seems Pip and Josh have been worrying about the slurry problem. Specifically, where Brookfield will find the money to fix it.

[David] “I didn’t want all this to spoil Christmas for them”

Between the slurry problem and milk prices also being down:

[Ruth] “I’m afraid we may be in for a bit of a bumpy ride this year”

But rather than watch their new DVD, Josh and Pip would rather sit down with Ruth and David to talk through what choices Brookfield need to make.



The cake arrives

[Ian] “I promised Will I take delivery of his wedding cake with my own fair hands”

There’s already a problem with the cake, though. Rather than Eddie delivering it, they’ve had to entrust it to Joe (as Eddie had a last minute job). Will is not amused.

[Ian] “I’d be in a state if I thought my wedding cake was being transported in a pony and trap!”

Joe eventually struggles in with the cake – though it sounded like Ian and Caroline were more worried about Joe dropping it, than him feeling the burden on his 90+ bones. Seems he decided to carry all the tiers in at the same time rather than have to make 3 trips back and forth to the trap.

[Joe] “Clarrie out them in three boxes so it wouldn’t have hurt if I’d dropped one”

(eh?)

Anyhoo – Joe hands over the cake safely. So all is well …


Joe’s fixing the chandelier?

I thought Roy had said that it wouldn’t be a Del Boy and Rodney farce …

But all Joe wanted to do was have a look at it.

Caroline tries to stop him going up a ladder to do so.

[Joe] “Cause of all that health and safety nonsense?”

[Caroline] “Because I don’t want you spending Will’s wedding in hospital!”

Never one to listen, Joe tries to climb on the ladder that Caroline is already on. She manages to shoo him down before they both end up in hospital.

[Joe] “I just wanted to tell Will I’d checked the chandelier with me own eyes”

[Caroline] “You’re lucky it’s still there at all, if I’d had to hold onto it to steady the ladder!”

[Joe] “Sorry missus … Will’s last wedding turned into being such a fiasco, I wants everything to go absolutely right for the lad this time”

Ah, that’s the lovely thing about Joe. His heart is generally always in the right place. He just often sets about it cack-handed.


No dairy at Brookfield?!?

The family discussion at Brookfield (minus Ben, who isn’t quite ready to be taking life too seriously) went along the lines of: they’d get a better price selling direct to supermarkets, but recent experience has proved that it isn’t way forward – they need to find other ways of selling milk at a premium price – they couldn’t do a milk round as Mike already has that market locally– intensive?, good go no – they could cut costs by having s smaller herd, but would then have no decent return – they could scale up production, but would need to lose sheep

[David] “It’s a family tradition. Your great grandfather was very proud of his sheep”

[Pip] “We could come out of dairy altogether and concentrate on the sheep and the beef cattle”

[Josh] “We can’t do that! Brookfield without dairy, that’s impossible … no, absolutely no”

[David] “I wouldn't be happy. I promised my father I’d keep Brookfield a mixed farm”

[Pip] “Granddad was always such a practical man, he knew times change”

Pip wants them to at least look at new enterprises – as Phil did when he brought pigs in.

[Pip] “Mixed doesn’t have to include dairying”

And she reckons they’d have more time and energy to do other things, as well as more of a social life and (shock horror) have holidays, if they didn’t do dairy.

[Josh] “I’d rather have the cows”

[Ruth] “I would too”

As David and Ruth later mull it over together:

[David] “They’re pretty impressive, our kids”

[Ruth] “It’s so sweet Josh is so loyal to the dairy”

And while they both hope that they won’t have to end dairying at Brookfield:

[David] “Pip’s right. We can’t rule anything out”

The cake gets sat on

Ian and Caroline have opened the wedding cake boxes, and reckon it’s a stunner. Such intricacy.

[Ian] “Clarrie certainly knows how to ice a cake”

I’m still not clear why, but Caroline felt the need to pick up one if the tiers, and walk across the kitchen.

She slips. And comes down with a rather heavy bump. Onto the cake.

Oh dear.

[Caroline] “Never mind about me. Look at the cake. Oh Ian. What are we going to do?”

Ian blames himself for moping down the floor after Joe’s muddy boots,

[Ian] “A wet kitchen floor is an accident waiting to happen, second rule in the chefs rule book”

[Caroline] “What’s the first?”

[Ian] “Don’t drop the wedding cake!”

Ian doesn’t seem too panicked. He has time to make up a new tier, though it’ll have to be sponge rather than fruit cake. He reckons the guests won’t notice (they’ll have had enough to drink by the cake cutting part of the day), and if Caroline makes sure that Nic and Will cut another tier, even they won’t notice. Though Ian is worried about the icing.

[Ian] “Icing a cake. It’s like a signature”

[Caroline] “Oh good lord, the top tear. Some people ask us to save it so they can use it as a christening cake!”

[Ian] “Well at least they won’t notice it was sponge until after the wedding … Do we even know Nic and Will want children, haven’t they go enough already!”

[Caroline] “I don’t know Ian. I can hardly ask them on their wedding day”

So Caroline will have to whip away two tiers – one because it’s sponge, and another to save for a possible christening.

Dearie me.

It’s not like our ever dependable and precise Caroline to create a crisis. Especially after Joe and Bartleby managed to deliver that cake safely.

Piglets set free 29/12/11

The Archers Thursday 29th December 2011

• Was it fixed?
• Tracey lets the pig out of the bag
• Helen’s back on the booze
• Roy’s checking his list twice

Was it fixed?

Neil was trapped in the Village shop, with Susan, having to listen to Vicky’s ramblings about last night’s Christmas around the World.

[Neil] “I only popped in for some mints, not a minute by minute run down o last night’s show. I mean, we were there!”

Vicky is not only crowing about the success of Christmas around the World – she’s also elated that she won the table centrepiece decoration competition. Susan reckons it was a fix. Vicky was one of the organisers of Christmas around the World, so was also on the inside of the competition. In Susan’s opinion, Vicky shouldn’t have been allowed to enter.

[Neil] “But half the village would have been cut out!”

Tracey lets the pig out of the bag

Susan wants to call Jennifer to see if Ruairi is okay after having been sick at their Christmas morning soiree. Susan reckons Jennifer will be embarrassed:

[Neil] “Not as embarrassed as we should be if she finds out it was Tracey feeding him chocolate”

[Susan] “Maybe it would be better just to leave it”

[Neil] “Talking of leaving things and Tracey …”

[Susan] “What’s she done now?”

[Neil] “She’s still here!”

Seems Susan and Neil have different opinions about when Christmas is over. Neil reckons now – Susan reckons it’s after New Year. And she doesn’t want to ask Tracey to leave until Christmas is over.

Neil leaves it at that, but later arrives home to find chaos. His piglets are out of their pen, running amok, but Tracey is just standing around laughing.

Seems her Chelsea wanted to stroke the piglets. How that led to them all getting out isn’t explained …

[Neil] “Oh for heaven’s sake Tracey, they’re not pets!”

[Tracey] “Oh well, it’s all good exercise isn’t it, for us and the pigs”

Susan then arrives home to find her garden wrecked (piglets and gardening don’t mix well). Seems it took Neil (and Tracey, eventually) over an hour to get the piglets back where they should be.

[Neil] “It’s not on Tracey. These pigs are my livelihood … doesn’t seem like you or your kids respect that at all. This isn’t a petty zoo, and what happened wasn’t funny”

Tracey apologies and reassures that it won’t happen again. Neil is just about to tell her to pack her bags and be gone, but Susan calls time out (for a cup of tea).

[Neil] “It’s not going to work Susan. You’re not going to put me off this time!”

[Susan] “But losing your temper isn’t going to get Tracey out ... it won’t happen at all if we don’t do it properly”

Susan’s plan is to get their dad, Bert, to ask Tracey to move in – rather than for Susan and Neil to ask her to move out. A positive rather than a negative.

Either which way, Susan better get a move on before a piglet is hurt.


Helen’s back on the booze

Pink champagne, this time.

She brought it round for the wedding hairdresser rehearsal with Nic and Mia.

Slippery slope … Mike’d better stay indoors again.


Roy’s checking his list twice

Mainly because Will’s nerves are running high.

He wants to be sure Mia and Jake now how to give Nic away. That Roy had the Vangelis, Shania Twain and Handel music ready. And that Ian will be waiting on the door step with open arms for the wedding cake from Eddie.

Roy does his best to reassure Will.

But, then tells him that there is a problem with the chandelier in their function room at Grey Gables. Seems another, quite boisterous, party had been in the other night, and someone had “knocked off some of the dangly bits”.

Not sure why Roy felt the need to tell Will, as it’ll be fixed before his wedding. It sends Will into a frenzied panic. He’s worried the whole thing will now fall down (a la Phantom of the Opera style, one supposes) halfway through their wedding.

[Roy] “She’s going to ask the maintenance man to do it, not Del Boy and Rodney!”

But Will calls Caroline anyway to triple check. He does know he’s being a pain, but he also wants to be sure everything will be perfect for Nic.

[Will] “I want to give her the wedding she deserves. I love her so much”

Later on – Will is still worrying. He’s checking with Nic that Helen knows when to arrive and what to do (being Helen, she already has her own timetable written down anyway!). A bigger worry is Emma. She needs to organise George as the ring bearer. Do we sense that’s one aspect that could be a disaster …?

Nic tries to give him a sense of perspective.

[Nic] “As long as you turn up, it will be. That’s all I care about”

Sounds like that won’t be enough for Will. He needs perfection (bless ‘im).

It’s New Year (!) 29/12/11

Ambridge Extra 29th December 2011

• Shula makes Daniel see sense
• Clive’s in hospital
• Amy genetically wired to stab someone?
• Daniel ruins Erin’s New Year

Shula makes Daniel see sense

Daniel came in at 3am last night, and doesn’t want anything to do with Alistair. He won’t even sit down at the kitchen table to talk.

[Daniel] “No. Not while he’s here … didn’t you hear me, you shouldn’t even still be here”

He tries to go out riding, but Shula catches up with him before he can leave:

[Shula] “This isn’t going to get any better if we don’t talk about it … darling, I need you to see something. Last night dad showed me the texts Erin sent him”

[Daniel] “Don’t you get it, I’m not interested, he’s full of bull”

[Shula] “I didn’t want to look either but I had to. You're just going to have to be grown up about this. Here. It’s both side of the conversation. You can see the dates”

Daniel reading Erin’s texts to himself:
(from Erin) ‘When are you visiting next, I could do with some more of that smile’
(from Erin) ‘Hey Al, don’t worry about Mr Purvis, I’ll just flutter my eyelashes at him’
(November 21st from Alistair)’ tomorrow fine Erin, but I can only spend half an hour’
(November 22nd from Erin) – had a fab time with you today, can’t stop thinking about when I can come over again’
(from Erin) ‘My evenings are you boring when I’m not with you x x’

[Shula] “She was the one coming onto him, He really didn’t do anything”

[Daniel, the truth starting to dawn] “He still could have stopped her”

[Shula] “Your dad just didn’t want to see you get hurt, that’s all. Oh come on love, he knows he made a mistake. Your dad would never do what she’s accusing him of. I know that, and believe me I was furious when he first told me, and you know it too don’t you … look, I’m sorry, I wish I didn’t have to show you those, but you were so convinced”

[Daniel, upset] “I thought she really like me mum, and all the time … not as much as dad though”

[Shula] “Oh come here, this is my fault as well, I should have told you sooner, I only didn’t because I love you and your dad loves you as well”

Daniel goes back in to say sorry to Alistair for everything that he’d said. Alistair apologies to him as well.

[Alistair] “If I could go back and do things differently. I just hoped I could let Erin down gently without destroying your relationship”

[Daniel] “I should have known she’d never have been interested in me anyway”

Daniel now doesn’t want to go the ball as he thinks everyone will be laughing at him. And Erin will be there

[Alistair] “This isn’t about you. Honestly, the way Erin’s treated you, she doesn’t deserve you. She’s not worth it Daniel … she just uses men for attention, none of this reflects on you” … In fact, it would be good if she sees you there. Show her you’re above her silly games”

I still think Alistair did encourage Erin to an extent (and it was all middle-aged ego), but he did stop it before it went too far. Again – don’t play games with kids!


Clive’s in hospital

Earlier on, we hears Usha talking to Amy about meeting up to do the sales. It was obvious Amy hadn’t told Usha about the Clive and her car incident.

Amy is now visiting Clive:

[Clive] “Come to gloat?”

[Amy] “I just wanted to check how you are. You’re looking better than I expected”

Clive is alive, but with two broken ribs, a “battered” pelvis and a hairline fracture on his neck.

[Clive] “I suppose I really ought to thank you, it’s what these doctors keep telling me anyhow, you know, cause of me spine”

(goodness me – Clive sounds rather sheepish)

[Amy] “I could hardly leave you there could I?”

[Clive] “Well I would have done … well anyway, ta”

[Amy] “That’s alright”

Clive tells her than his “rambling” after she had knocked him over was “rubbish”

[Clive] “You’re not to pay any heed to it”

So – he doesn’t want her to think of what he was saying about his childhood. He also starts blustering that hospital is great – free meals and pretty nurses.

As Amy is leaving:

[Clive] “Oh and eh Amy, maybe I’ll see you in Ambridge sometime”

[Amy] “You’re not coming back, are you?”

[Clive] “Who knows? Never say never, eh?”

Hmmm.

Has Amy literally knocked some sense into Clive – meaning his return will be of a prodigal come good – or will he be back to his usual Horrible Horrobin self?

Does he think that he now has a friend in Amy?


Amy genetically wired to stab someone?

Amy meets up with Usha, and tells her everything about Clive.

Usha is upset that Amy didn’t tell her and Alan about Clive stalking her. Usha thinks he should have been reported first time round.

But Amy’s worries go beyond Clive.

[Amy] “I’m not even sure I didn’t mean to hit him Usha. Yes, he was drunk, and he stumbled out in front of the car, but I don’t know maybe, subconsciously …”

[Usha] “Oh come on, you know that’s nonsense”

[Amy] “I’m not sure anymore, the way that I felt when I saw him last week, it was like, just this anger, I couldn’t control it. What if it’s the same thing that made my mum stab that girl? … I’ve always had a temper and dad, he says how much I remind him of her. It used to make me feel connected to her, but know?”

[Usha] “Your mum made a mistake, you don’t believe it made a bad person do you, so you’re not a bad person either … we all have parts of us we’re ashamed of, thoughts that we wouldn’t want anyone else to hear, it’s how we act on them that’s important, and you helped Clive”

[Amy] “That was just my training kicking in”

[Usha] “Exactly, your instincts as a carer.”

[Amy] “If things had been different for me, if I’d have had his upbringing …”

[Usha, first saying lots of ‘no, no, no’] “Clive had his choices … you’re kind and compassionate and warm hearted, your mum would be very proud, and so am I. For what it’s worth”

Amy reckons Usha’s pride in her is worth a lot. Especially as she doesn’t feel she could talk to her dad or Mabel like this.

[Amy] “I’m so glad that you’re part of your family, And you’re right. It’s not about the past”

[Usha] “You’re a very special girl Amy. Makes me wish I’d known your mum. She must have been very special too”

That’s better.

It had been recently sounding like Usha was jealous of (the dearly departed) Catherine, and that Amy didn’t really accept Usha in their family. But, now sounds like that’s all sorted.

Just took a drunk Clive and assault with a car.


Daniel ruins Erin’s New Year

Daniel has gone to the ball. After making sure he’s out his cloakroom ticket somewhere safe (bless him and his pedantic ways), he spots Erin. And goes over to her.

Daniel – to himself - God she looks amazing

[Erin, surprised] “Dan, you came!”

Daniel – to himself - Who’s that she’s with?

Seems Erin is at the ball with some chap called Miles, who Daniel reckons to himself is at least twice her age.

But Amy saves him (that’s 2 blokes in as many days!). She’s at the ball, and when he tells her that he’s split up with is girlfriend, she drags him off to spend New Year with her and her mates.

Later on, as Daniel is getting a drink, he bumps into that Miles chap again.

And what’s this …. When Daniel mentions that he knows Erin as they goes to school together, Miles seems confused.

[miles] “But Erin’s a vet. She’s just graduated”

[Daniel, laughing] “Is that what she’s told you?!?”

Erin comes over:

[Miles] “Erin what’s all this about you two going to school together? How old are you?”

[Erin, laughing nervously] “Dan, what have you been telling him?”

[Miles, now angry] “How old?”

[Dan, loving the scene] “Well, go on”

There’s silence from Erin.

[Daniel] “She’s seventeen!”

[Mile, horrified] “Seventeen! Seriously?”

[Erin] “Does it matter?”

[Miles] Just a bit. I’m not a cradle snatcher. Keep your drink. Go find someone your own age!”

[a rather triumphant Daniel] “You lied to him. Seems like you’ve been doing that a lot … give it up. I’m not falling for it, alright,. Tell your story to somebody else. I’ve got a life to get on with!”

It’s just before the bells, so Amy returns to Daniel. Seems she had introduced him to a girl he’s been getting on with, but as the countdown has started, they seal their New year with a friendly peck.

Daniel – to himself, texting - Hey, thanks for always being there dad. Happy New Year

Indeed.

Corny and obvious?

Possibly – but I enjoyed that moment. Good for Daniel to see that Erin was just a little witch (or replace that ‘w; with a ‘b’) and good for Daniel to see in the New Year with mates, and a good feeling about Alistair.

My only slight confusion is that we eavesdropped into this on the 29th (though I am writing this up on the 31st). Was this a mock New Year ball?

(I know – Ambridge Extra time is a law unto itself)

Christmas around the World 28/12/11

The Archers Wednesday 28th December 2011

• Tom loves his nephew
• Of course … Tom was worried about Tom
• Lynda still doesn’t know what Jazzer is singing
• No more “it’ll be alright on the night”
• Yes Jim, what equipment do you need?
• Albanian music
• James at the concert
• Peggy’s ankle is better
• Jazzer isn’t too impressed
• Jim did fine
• Jazzer’s singing was …

Tom loves his nephew

Which is sweet.

Not something you can generally say about Tom …

He’s been spending quality time with Henry. It seemed to have something to do with a ball pit.

Tom not merely recognises that Henry is better with balls than his pigs are (blimey!), but he also reckons Henry is great to be with.

Bless.

Wonder if that means he’ll be impregnating Brenda anytime soon?

Considering their engagement as seemed to be forgotten, I’d reckon not.


Of course … Tom was worried about Tom

Pat manipulated Helen?

Brenda and Tom are talking about Helen’s apparent change of heart about Rich. Helen has softened to the idea of why Pat and Tony chased so hard to meet Rich.

[Tom] “Only because mum manipulated her … she played the John card, that trumps everything”

[Brenda] “I really don’t think your mum is that calculating”

[Tom] “I still think it’s very generous of Helen to take everything that mum said at face value”

[Brenda] “You’re very protective of Helen and Henry, aren’t you?”

[Tom] “Someone’s got to be. I’m only looking after their interest. I’m protecting my sister and my nephews”

[Brenda] “And yourself. Tom you’re so angry, Are you sure some of this isn’t about you?”

But of course it is! What else would really motive Tom, despite that his claims of wanting to protect Helen and Henry.

Tom sees Rich as a threat. As predicted.

[Tom] “Sounds so paranoid … I can’t stop wondering if Rich might turn up here one day”

[Brenda] “And it would bother you if he did … even if it made your mum  happy?”

[Tom] “It would depend why he’d come, I mean if wanted anything to do with the farm …”

[Brenda] “I don’t think it’s very likely. He doesn’t even know there is a farm”

(eh? He will one day, surely Brenda?)

[Brenda] “All the work you’ve put into Bridge farm over the years, naturally you want to protect it”

[Tom] “He might want a  stake in it, a say in how we do things”

Brenda reckons Pat and Tony would never let that happen.

[Brenda] “You saved Bridge Farm … This kid may be John’s son, but you’re his heir”

True enough that Tom took on John’s business and made it work. But hardly true that he saved Bridge Farm after E. coli – he merely saved his own neck.

Typical Tom. It’s always about Tom Archer’s.


Lynda still doesn’t know what Jazzer is singing

Though the show is now, and Jazzer has told Robert (for lighting) and Patrick (for the piano), he still won’t tell Lynda.

[Lynda] “I’m the only one in the dark, then”

*sniff*


No more “it’ll be alright on the night”

Or else Lynda will get very (very) upset.


Yes Jim, what equipment do you need?

Jim’s equipment still hasn’t been sorted.

[Jim] “You’d be surprised …”

[Lynda] “I wash my hands of the whole thing”

[Jim] “Now Lynda, there’s no need to get a state into all of this … I’m sorry Lynda, I do appreciate your hard work, I really do”

Later on, when it’s nearly Jim’s turn and the equipment still hasn’t arrived (Lynda has a hard time getting hold of someone at Grey Gables – they are busy, after all. Ian was meant to take the equipment with the food but had no room. So Caroline is due to arrive with it, but she hasn’t arrived as yet), Jim suggests they move his spot to end the end in place of Jazzer.

Lynda’s also having none of that nonsense. Seems she’d prefer to take a chance on whatever Jazzer will sing than ending her show with Latin.


Albanian music

One of Elona’s daughters has just done her turn.

[Vicky] “I’ve never heard Albania music before”

[Lynda] “I don’t suppose anyone has”

Eh?


James at the concert

Taking photos.

But we don’t have to suffer him talking.

Seems Leonie is also there. She even makes up a plate for Lynda.

But we also don’t have to suffer her talking.

Happy Christmas!


Peggy’s ankle is better

Good.

Seems Elona is still being a great (paid) help to her.

Peggy spent Christmas lunch with Matt and Lilian, then went to see Jack.

Glad to hear she’s doing okay. Always worrying when someone gets hurt then goes silent …


Jazzer isn’t too impressed

Not by the food:

[Jazzer] “Too fiddly. All these wee bits and pieces. I want something ah can get ma teeth intae”

Nor by Rhys’ recitation:

[Jazzer] “I couldnae understand a word Rhys was saying”

[Tom] “He was reading it in English!”

[Jazzer] “I know. That was the trouble”

Jim did fine

After all that stress – and a horrible moment when it seemed he was about to do a PowerPoint presentation – Jim’s bit was fine.

All he needed was a computer, a screen and a projector. Simple, really.

He’s reading from Virgil’s Georgix book 2 lines 513-531.

[Jim] “For those of you who don’t know it it’s a poetic handbook on the arts of husbandry, should any of the farmers here wants to borrow my copy … I’ve chosen some lines on the pleasures of winter after the hard work of the agricultural year, that may strike a chord, it even ends with a darts match.

“ … But still the farmer furrows the land with his curving plough, the land this is annual labour, it keeps his native country …”

[Lynda] “That’s English, Robert, he’s reading in English!”

[Robert] “Yes indeed Lyndee, he is”

[Jim] “His little grandsons and herds of cattle and trusty bullocks …” (and on)

So Jim’s surprise was to put the Latin on the screen, but ready in English.

Steady on there! Too much excitement indeed.


Jazzer’s singing was …

… disappointing, in my humble opinion.

[Jazzer] “Ah have tae apologise to all they folks who were expecting a Scottish Christmas song, but it turns out we save our energies for Hogmanay … I thought I could cross the ocean as so many we scots have done in the past”

So he sings Have Yourself a Merry little Christmas … but quite badly. Lynda seemed to enjoy it, but I think Jazzer performs best with his wee ditties – this was a bit too much for him.

[Lynda] “Oh Robert, that’s beautiful., What a lovely song,. Fancy Jazzer coming up with it!”

[Robert] “It’s been an evening of surprises. And all good ones. Thanks to you. Happy Christmas Lyndee”

Helen understands Pat 27/12/11

The Archers Tuesday 27th December

• Pat talks to Kathy
• Robert tries to calm down Lynda
• Pat is primeval
• Where’s Jim’s equipment?

Pat talks to Kathy

Over lunch and a white wine spritzer.

Kathy was telling Pat that Lilian asking for list of invites for her 60th birthday.

[Pat] “I don’t know if I can face it. … maybe I’ll cancel it. I don’t feel like I have much to celebrate … I thought I could forget, if I threw myself into our family Christmas, I could forget.

“But I couldn’t … I made a complete fool of myself on Christmas afternoon … Helen said, just think this time last year you didn’t have a grandson ..,. and I though yes, now I've got two, only one I can’t see, It was too much. I broke down.

“Then we had the most terrible row, the children’s were so angry with me … there was Henry, lovely, lovely Henry who I see every day and the thought that I was never going to see Rich again”

[Kathy] “Again? What do you mean again? Pat, you didn’t?”

[Pat] “I thought it would help … it’s made things worse, for everyone. I think it was a terrible mistake”

Pat had thought that seeing Rich would help her move on, but it hasn’t. (obviously)

[Pat] “I know from the photos that he looked like John, I’d steel myself for that … but he has some of John’s mannerisms too, I hadn’t expected that. It was heart stopping”

[Kathy] “Jamie has some of Sid’s. It takes my breath away sometimes … but, he’s not John”

[Kathy] “I know. But that’s how I’d been thinking of him. A piece of John. He’s so much more. He’s his own person, even in the short time we were together, I could such a strong sense of his personality”

[Kathy] “That’s a good thing isn’t it, if you can separate him from John?”

[Pat] “No. because now I want to get to know him better. I want it so much … So, for the sake of 10 minutes with a grandson I shall never see again, I've totally alienated my own children … they were so angry, I don’t know if they’ll ever forgive me”

[Kathy] “It’s been a big shock finding a cuckoo in their nest … what does it actually mean to them. It just brings back painful memoires of losing John … at the moment they’re just jealous, Rich has been taking an awful lot of your attention and Tony’s”

Pat tells Kathy that it hasn’t changed the way she and Tony feel about Helen and Tom. Kathy tells Pat that they need to tell them that.


Robert tries to calm down Lynda

Not an easy thing to do, considering Christmas around the World is tomorrow.

[Robert] “Sit down, relax and pass me that cheese … pour us both a glass of wine and relax for half an hour”

Lynda is worried about everything – but especially Jazzer. She still doesn’t know what his song is …


Pat is primeval

Once home, Pat apologies to Helen.

[Pat] “I see now how wrong it was for me and your dad to go and see rich without telling you and Tom”

[Helen] “We’d ask you not to …”

[Pat] “I know. We’d just got swept up. I just couldn’t bear not to see him. Even if it was only once”

[Helen] “Despite what we wanted?”

[Pat] “Despite what anyone wanted., It was primeval. That’s an explanation, not an excuse”

As Helen has said to Tom, she needed time to ponder. She’s been trying to see things from pat’s point of view, and has also been looking at the pictures of Rich.

[Pat] “I was seeing Rich for the first time, but then I saw John again”

[Helen] “It seems now that he’s turned out not to be your first grandchild, Henry just doesn’t count anymore. That’s what’s really upsetting me mum”

[Pat] “If anything, this has made me love Henry even more. Because it’s made me realise how blessed I am to have my grandson in my house, where I can see him every day, watch him develop, love him as much as I want to. I can never have that with Rich … Henry has always been extra precious because we nearly lost him, now he’s even more. If this had happened and I hadn’t got henry, I don’t know what I would have done”

[Helen] “You’ve seemed lost in the past, back with John, and Tom and I felt the same, as if we didn’t count anymore”

[Pat] “Losing John made me love you more, if that’s possible”

[Helen] “That’s all I wanted to know. I hated feeling jealous. I wanted to be happy John had a son”

[Pat] “You can be. He’s a lovely boy. You know Helen, he’s called John too”

[Helen] “So, Sharon did love John after all?”

[Pat] “I think she did. I wonder if she’ll ever forgive us”

[Helen] “Or let us meet him .. he may try and find him himself”

They agree that if you love someone, you have to let them go. As they all had to do with John.

As Helen reminds herself, she also had to let go of Greg Turner. Then Annette turned up.

So – Helen now understands that you can move on, until that reminder comes back onto your life. Her mention of maybe Rich one day trying to find them sounds like she now also wants to meet him.

That just leaves Tom to convince.



Where’s Jim’s equipment?

After Robert managed to get Lynda to sit down, they’re now at the hall doing the final setup for Christmas around the World.

[Jim] “What a hive of activity!”

[Robert] “And you’ve come as an extra bee?”

No. Jim’s not a drone – he’s just come to rehearse.

But there’s a problem.

Jim was expecting Lynda to sort his equipment. But Lynda thought he had just been describing his equipment to her (oo-er!), and that he’d sort himself.

[Jim] “It is your show, Lynda!”

[Lynda] “And it’s your poem, Jim. No one else wants anything this complicated!”

Robert steps in to say that he can at least sort the computing back – and Lynda reckons she can sort the rest out from Grey Gables.

Damn that Jim!

As if Lynda needs the extra stress.

And what equipment does one need to recite a Latin poem?

Alistair loses a son & Clive’s dying? 27/12/11

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 27th December 2011

• Clive’s stalking Amy
• Daniel’s stalking Erin
• Erin crashes Daniel’s world
• Amy crashes into Clive
• Daniel opts out from Alistair

Clive’s stalking Amy

Clive sounds like he’s stood on a street, drinking. His bottle is nearly empty.

Clive – to himself - Need something to warm me up … where are you miss Franks. Every other nurse has walked by. You’ve got to come out of there eventually. Well I’m damned if I’m going to let some stuck up vicar’s daughter treat me that way … right then,. Let’s have some fun!

He sees Amy leaving the hospital, and smashes down his bottle as he sets off after her.

[Clive] “Amy. Amy, Amy. Young women like you should be careful in a place like this”

[Amy, trying to get into her car] “Just go away. Let me open the door”

She smells the booze on his breath.

[Clive] “I only want to know if you had a nice Christmas. How do you think I spent my then, eh?”

Amy - to herself – please somebody

[Amy] “Help. Over here!”

[Clive] “Well, you seem to think you know so much about me?”

Sounds like Amy kicks or punches him, managing to him away from her and her car.



Daniel’s stalking Erin

Daniel really is creepy. I know fist love can warp the best of us, but he clearly isn’t taking any notice of the fact that she’s been ignoring and avoiding him.

He’s at Erin’s house, ringing and banging her door. When he sees movement in the house, he starts shouting … when Erin finally comes to the door (hopefully while calling the Police!):

Daniel to himself - Okay. Just act natural. She’s seen me now

(he’s scary…)

[Daniel] “Happy belated Christmas!”

[Erin] “Daniel, what you doing here. You can’t just turn up, you should have called or something”

He says he wanted to surprise her. Then begs to be let in. He has brought her Christmas presents.

[Daniel] “What’s the problem? Look, just give me 5 minutes”

I would have slammed the door in his face (harsh, but might have made the point, finally). But Erin lets him in.


Erin crashes Daniel’s world

[Daniel] “At least open the presents .. I’ve gone to all this effort”

[Erin] “Well you shouldn’t have. Just stop pushing me. I said in my text I couldn’t see you”

[Daniel] “Have I done something wrong? Cause if I have then I can fix it”

[Erin] “It isn’t you … you’re a really sweet guy”

[Daniel] “Sweet? So I never meant that much to you? It was only a game? … is there someone else? … just tell me the truth, please”

[Erin] “Then you’d better go and ask your dad …”

[Daniel] “My dad? What do you mean?”

[Erin] “He made a pass at me Dan. Why do you think I’ve been staying away? How could I keep seeing you after he … “

[Daniel] “Erin, tell me, what did he do?”

[Erin] “When we went to the Clinical Club together, outside at the pub,. He tried to kiss me … and at the Christmas concert he got me in a room with him during the interval …”

[Daniel] “No, he wouldn’t”

[Erin] “I’m not lying to you, you can see his texts … at first I thought he was just being nice because of the vets stuff, but then …”

Daniel – reading a text from Alistair to Erin - Hi Erin, just wanted to say how *fantastic you were. Wish I could take you *everywhere with me. Al (Daniel’s emphasis)

[Erin] “I’m sorry Dan, but what could I do? Your dad, he just wouldn’t leave me alone”

Amy crashes into Clive

[Amy to Clive] “You probably spent it in the gutter that’s where you belong … just leave me alone, or next time, I’ll call the Police”

As Amy starts to drive away, Clive is hammering on her car. She has to turn the car round to get out, which means having to go by Clive again (who is still shouting at her).

Then there’s a big thump.

A – to herself - Oh no no no no no no no. I didn’t … he just stepped out

[Amy] “Clive. Clive! We’re gonna need some help!”

Flipping ‘eck.

Amy Franks has gone and run over Clive Horrobin!

As she’s trying to get him to lie still, Clive is saying his chest hurts. And that he needs to get back because of his curfew. Amy put her jacket over him to keep him warm as she swears about help not coming fast enough (as she says to herself - at a hospital for god’s sake!)

[Clive] “Are they going to take me away? Cause of the video Crawford took?”

[Amy] “Matt?”

[Clive] “It wasn’t my fault, honest. He told me to lift the scrap … I only wanted to see me mum”

[Amy, sounding increasingly worried] “Can you tell me where you are?”

[Clive] “No. He picked me up his car . Always the same. Matt, George, dad, I were always to blame, even when I weren’t …”

[Amy] “Clive, don’t go to sleep!”

And she asks him to keep talking.

[Clive] “My dad. He was a git. Took his belt to me for messing with his shed. And the teachers. Horrible Horrobin. That’s all I’ve ever always been. The playground. The other kids. I couldn’t help it. Dad said, just stand up to them. Hit them harder. They all stayed away from me after that … don’t let them lock me up again”

[Amy] “It’s okay. They’re here to look after you”

So help has arrived.

Phew.

Course, we’re left wondering if Clive will survive. Will Amy get into trouble for running him over (though it was an accident – but will her previous behaviour towards him make folks think it was deliberate?)?

BUT – anyone else actually feel sorry for Clive? Did anything he said explain (though not excuse)?



Daniel opts out from Alistair

Alistair is home alone. He’s been on the phone to Shula, and is now thinking about trying to book accommodation for their Olympics trip.

Daniel walks in, and Alistair asks him whether he wants to make a proper holiday out of their trip.

[Daniel] “As if I’d go anywhere with you … you BASTARD! How could you? You make me sick. Don’t pretend you don’t know. What was it, some kind of midlife crises? You just couldn’t keep your hands off her … she was my girlfriend, my first proper girlfriend, and you …”

[Alistair] “What? What’s Erin told you?”

[Daniel] “It’s disgusting”

[Alistair] “Because I can promise you, whatever it is, it’s not true”

[Daniel] “You kissed her … and you forced yourself on her in a classroom at school”

[Alistair] “That’s a lie!”

[Daniel] “You’re the liar!”

[Alistair] “She’s the one that kissed me. She had a crush and though I felt the same”

[Daniel] “So what about the texts. Did she make those up?”

Alistair tries to explain that his texts are not the way they sound. That the whole’ fantastic” bit was him talking about how she charmed Mr Purves. That it was Erin who had insisted on staying late (etc).

But Daniel throws back to Alistair that he had talked him out of seeing Erin.

[Daniel] “You just wanted her for yourself”

[Alistair] “Now that’s ridiculous … I was trying to protect you… I knew what she was like “

[Daniel] “You just didn’t want me to find out your dirty little secret … You make my skin crawl … you better start packing your bags”

[Alistair] “There’s no way in this world I’d do something like that to you or your mum. Maybe I could have been more astute. But you’re right. I didn’t think a young girl like that would be interested in an old fart like me … and then she asked to spend more and more time with me, and telling me stuff … personal stuff … look, I know I should have nipped it in the bud but honestly I didn’t want you to get hurt … As soon as she did I told her that it was wrong, that nothing could happen between us”

[Daniel] “So all the time she was seeing me, it was an excuse to be with you?”

[Alistair] “I don’t know. I can’t explain what was going on in her head, all I can tell you is that I did nothing wrong to encourage her”

[Daniel] “Except for the texts”

[Alistair] “Oh for god’s sake. Have you any idea how serious this is for me? To have a 17 year old girl accuse me of kissing her or molesting her or god knows what else, because that’s what she was doing at the concert. That’s why I told your mum, you have to believe me”

[Daniel] “Well I don’t. You did see how upset she was, I had to force it out of her”

[Alistair] “I’m only telling the truth. She’s a fantasist. She’s not the girl you think she is”

[Daniel] “No. Don’t you dare. I’ve never felt about anyone the way I felt about Erin. She really liked me, even though I’m not like all the other lads .. .and now you’ve ruined everything. You might have managed to fool mum bit it won’t work on me”

[Alistair] “I’m not trying to fool anyone. Daniel please, I’m your father.”

[Daniel] “No you’re not,. And you never will be”

Blimey.

Shula does already know – Daniel’s mention of Alistair having to pack his bags was him threatening to tell his mum and get Alistair kicked out – but who will she side with?

She believes Alistair, but is angry that he kept his secret.

And now she had a devastated son.

Tricky.

I reckon Alistair does have to take a lot of the blame. He shouldn’t have been playing with kids …

Boxing Day Meet & continued Implosion at Bridge Farm 26/12/11

The Archers Monday 26th December 2011

• Freddie’s first Boxing Day Meet
• A “Sassenach feast”
• The Bridge Farm bust up
• Elizabeth and David were in the same room
• Alistair got tickets to the Olympics
• Bridge Farm bust up round 2
• Helen’s for turning

Freddie’s first Boxing Day Meet

Shula’s taking Freddie to the meet, though his thoughts obviously keep drifting onto his dad:

[Freddie] “We had a really good Christmas last year … I wish we could be riding together today”

Freddie said it in quite a happy (ish), fond way. Shula said it was good to have good memories.

Elizabeth and Lily are watching the start of the meet. Elizabeth again can’t believe how much Freddie looks like Nigel when he’s kitted out in his riding gear. Lily is slightly concerned that Freddie will get hurt.

[Elizabeth] “You don’t have to worry. Freddie’s a very good rider”

[Lily] “But he’s such an idiot!”

I learned today that one should call the riders’ coats pink, not red (!). Lily thinks they all look very smart, and that the hounds are “cut”.

[Lily] “I still don’t like the idea of them killing the fox, though”

[Elizabeth] “They’re not allowed to anymore, that’s what he was explaining, they’re just following a scent … you take after grandma, she’s never approved of hunting either”

[Lily] “I don’t understand why daddy did, he loved animals”

[Elizabeth] “It was the riding he liked really, between you and me, he used to be quite glad when the fox got away, but don’t tell Oliver”

A “Sassenach feast”

Pardon me? What is Helen on about?

[Helen to Tom] “I thought Jazzer didn’t mind doing the Christmas shift since he considers it such a Sassenach feast”

[Tom] “Well, that’s what he says but it never seems to stop him celebrating it”

Pardon moi? Since when did any Scot consider Christmas an English thing? I think you’ll find that Christianity first came to the Isles at Whithorn in Dumfries and Galloway, and Iona.

That aside, Jazzer is also dodging feeding Tom’s pigs as he reckons he has to put the finishing touches to his Christmas around the World song. We still don’t know what it is …


The Bridge Farm bust up

Seems there was a huge row at Bridge Farm after they turned off the secret microphones. The kids aren’t speaking to the parents. Seems Helen left Bridge Farm with Tom and Brenda yesterday.

[Helen] “I can’t trust myself around mum and dad at the moment”

[Tom] “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust them again … I don’t know how they have the nerve to even mention that Rich in the same breath as our Henry”

Helen and Tom feel betrayed. That Pat and Tony went behind their backs by contacting Sharon, and also meeting Rich. That they don’t care and they certainly don’t “get it”.

[Helen] “They seemed surprised we were upset”

[Tom] “Unbelievable … what they did, what they’re doing, it has so many implications for you and me and Henry … yet they’re acting as though this is a private matter between them and this Rich … don’t we count anymore? Are we suddenly outside our own family?”

[Helen] “It was awful yesterday, us shouting to mum and dad though a soundproof window and they couldn’t hear me”

[Tom] “They’ve temporarily gone mad. We’ve got to make them see sense, Helen”

The added worry is that Pat and Tony will now do something even crazier … though what, they didn’t say.

Kidnap Rich?



Elizabeth and David were in the same room

Elizabeth and the twins “didn’t have a too bad” Christmas day. They were with Shula, Alistair and Daniel at the Stables during the day, and did go to Kenton’s party at The Bull during the evening.

[Elizabeth] “They made it easy for us. David and I were able to steer clear of each other without spoiling anything”

That’s progress, I reckon.


Alistair got tickets to the Olympics

For Shula and Daniel and himself.

They didn’t say what event they’re going to see, but Elizabeth was amazed that he got something in the rather high pressured lottery, and that Alistair didn’t tell them he was successful.

[Elizabeth] “He must be good at keeping secrets”

Hmmm.


Bridge Farm bust up round 2

Tom and Helen Vs. Tony.

[Tony] “Your feelings? I don’t know how you can be so selfish … and what about your mother, have you stopped for one moment to consider what all of this is doing to her?”

[Helen] “Of course we’re thinking about mum”

[Tom] “She doesn’t seem to be thinking much about us …”

[Tony] “Oh grow up Tom! The world doesn’t revolve around you … neither of you have made the slightest effort to see things from her point of view”

Seems Pat is still in her room, sobbing.

[Tom] “For Rich. For this previous grandson that she’s only seen for 10 while minutes”

[Tony] “No … for John … he left something behind, when we thought we’d lost everything about him forever … but you’re here, both of you here, Henry here, and John never will be”

And now Rich has also gone from their lives.



Helen’s for turning

As Tom and Helen talk things through:

[Tom] “It was always going to end in tears”

[Helen] “Once they realised John had a son, they were bound to want to find out more”

[Tom] “Technically, maybe it’s true. But it doesn’t mean anything”

[Helen] “Well, that’s a bit hard”

[Tom] “I’m being realistic Helen, you of all people should understand that … let me ask you a question, do you ever think about Henry’s father?”

[Helen] “No. No I don’t. I’ve kind of forgotten he had one”

[Tom] “We all have. He’s ours now, the next Archer”

[Helen] “I see what you mean. You think that’s how Sharon and her husband feel about Rich?”

[Tom] “Of course they do, he belongs to them like Henry belongs to us”

Tom thinks Pat is deluding herself.

[Tom] “Rich existing isn’t going to bring John back”

[Helen on Tony] “What he said shocked me”

[Tom] “Emotional blackmail, more like”

[Helen] “No. It’s more complicated than that. I need to think this through”

Ah – Helen looks to be switching sides …

Christmas Day 25/12/11

The Archers Sunday 25th December 2011

• Tracey starts well
• Bridge Farm also starts well
• The Carters’ Christmas morning party
• Debbie on Panto duty
• Bridge Farm implodes

Tracey starts well

She, Brad and Chelsea have setup the Carters’ Christmas morning party while Susan and Neil were at church.

All very impressive.

Though Susan complains that they’ve set out too many crisps and peanuts, which doesn’t set the right tone.

[Susan] “What will the Aldridges think?”

Neil and Susan then seem to try and get rid of Tracey and her brood for a bit, by suggesting that they go out for a walk.

[Tracey] “A walk, on Christmas day? And miss all the fun?”

There’s a glint of mischief in Tracey’s eye …

She starts talking about the Aldridge’s and ‘Roodey’ (Ruairi). Tracey was wondering if they’d leave him with his nanny, to be told that he doesn’t have one – he’s at Boarding school.

[Tracey] “Poor mite … still I suppose it’s understandable in the circumstances …. being Brian’s love child”

Susan is horrified. She makes Tracey promise that she won’t say anything like that to Jennifer or Brian.


Bridge Farm also starts well

Henry’s first Christmas, and his favourite present (at the moment) is a train set.

Tony and Helen are also having a moment:

[Tony] “We never forget how lucky we are he’s here. Both of you are … bit different from last year, you and I barely speaking to each other”

[Helen] “Seems so silly now”

[Tony] “Well it did the moment I saw Henry, when I thought I might lose both of you”

They agree they’re both lucky, especially when they think of Elizabeth and the twins.

While they’ll be celebrating Henry’s first birthday next Monday, the other half of the Archer clan will be mourning their loss of Nigel.

Anyway – back to Christmas. Brenda, Tom, Mike, Vicky, and Kathy will be coming over to Bridge Farm later.



The Carters’ Christmas morning party

All seems to be jolly enough, but Susan is worried that Tracey had been talking to Jennifer and Brian for a long time,

[Neil] “They look quite hypnotised”

[Susan] “That’s what worrying me … I think we should go and break it up”

[Neil] “What, both of us?”

[Susan] “Well it might take two”

While they steel themselves, we eavesdrop in on Tracey’s conversation with the Aldridges.

[Tracey] “Well you know what it’s like, don’t you, well you being married 3 times, talk about a glutton for punishment!”

[Jennifer] “It’s twice, actually”

[Tracey] “Oh, yes sorry, I get confused with you having four children”

[Brian] “Five”

[Tracey] “Oh yes, counting Ruairi”

[Jennifer] “Which we do”

[Tracey] “Oh, I think that’s great, what with you not being his birth mother …”

[Brian] “Ruairi couldn’t wish for a better mother”

[Jennifer] “Oh thank you darling … I do completely think of him as my own”

[Tracey] “Pretty wonderful wife too, you’re a lucky man”

Susan would be appalled – Tracey was warned not to talk about Ruairi not being Jennifer’s by birth.

They’re all then distracted by the sight of Ruairi eating all of the canapés.

[Tracey] “Greedy?”

[Jennifer] “Sophisticated taste!”

Tracey tells Jennifer and Brian that Ruairi's only eating the canapés because Susan hid the crisps and nuts as Susan reckoned it lowered the tone … Jennifer tittered at that (Susan will be furious!). Susan then makes her interruption with Neil, he offering top ups and she apologising for the lack of canapés (Emma is on the way with more).

[Tracey] “It just shows you, people will eat anything at Christmas!”

(cheeky!)

[Tracey] “I expect he’s eating them cause he’s bored, nothing much for the children to do is there?”

Susan takes her new opportunity to get rid of Tracey, and tells her to take all of the kids upstairs to watch a DVD.

Later on, Tracey returns to say that Ruairi has been sick. Jennifer rushes off to him.

[Tracey] “It’s her son. Let her find the disinfect and the rubber gloves herself”

Tracey blames the canapés (she reckons kids shouldn’t eat them), but Susan blames the chocolate that Tracey had given him. On top of the canapés.



Debbie on Panto duty

Jennifer’s now worried about taking Ruairi and the twins, with Elizabeth, to the Panto on Monday.

I suppose she doesn’t want to have to cope with any ‘scenes’, with it being the anniversary of Nigel’s death.

So Brian suggests Debbie takes Ruairi in her place.

Sure Debbie will thank him for that (and also think twice about coming home again)



Bridge Farm implodes

Once Tom and Brenda arrive, and are talking to Helen:

[Brenda] “Tom’s determined you’re going to have a great Christmas, despite the elephant in the room”

[Tom] “That elephant’s long packed its trunk and has left our circus!”

BUT Helen now quite likes to think of John having a son.

[Helen] “A little bit of him carrying on”

Tom does not concur.

[Tom] “Dad’s right, we should be thinking about the little bit of you that’s carrying on “

Later on, as Henry is zipping about the room in his new walker (the wee toots is already trying to make it out of the door!), the while family is talking about how special Henry is. That he sat up, got his first tooth and also rolled over early. (Doesn’t every baby?)

[Helen] “Just think mum, this time last year you didn’t even have a grandson!”

To which Pat starts sobbing and runs off, much to Helen’s bemusement.

[Tom] “But she wasn’t thinking of Henry, was she dad. She was thinking of Rich!”

Tony sends Brenda off after Pat (he still doesn’t see her as being family enough to join in family discussions). Tom reckons he had smelled out that something had happened …

[Tony] “You mother and I … have seen him. Have seen Rich”

But that’s when the secret microphones are turned off. So we don’t get to hear the full implosion …