The Archers Sunday 4th December 2011: A walrus with a murky past

• Christine and Jim, still a happy couple
• Christine loves Ambridge at Christmas
• Robert’s domain …
• That Walrus
• Kathy agrees there is a likeness
• A reduced display at Christine’s
• Pat won’t leave the leeks

Christine and Jim, still a happy couple

Or non-couple as they like to see it.

They having elevenses while tacking the crossword together.

[Christine] “We seem to do better working as a team”

[Jim] “Well, there’s no sense both of us struggling with the same crossword”

Just because two adults like each other’s company, doesn’t mean they have to be romantically involved. I know that.

But wouldn’t it be nice for them both?


Christine loves Ambridge at Christmas

Which she reckons means she hasn’t outgrown Christmas, but I think it quite natural.

She doesn’t envy Jennifer and Brian for their holiday away. She prefers it right where she is. Especially decorating the house with green foliage. Which used to disturb George.

[Christine] “Woods all day, and comes home to a forest!”

And, when the band plays on the green as the Christmas lights are turned on, Christmas has started for Christine.


Robert’s domain …

Is the loft, according to Lynda.

But that doesn’t mean he’s left to rule in it. Lynda has a say right throughout his search for Christmas decorations.

They have their own needs, and “the village hall swallow decorations”, according to Lynda.

That’s when Robert stumbles across …


That Walrus

It’s a plastic walrus, which Robert reckons they should throw out.

Lynda is horrified.

[Lynda] “It’s a piece of personal history. My spell with the Sunningdale players was a golden time. Especially our dance interpretation of our Nanook of the North …”

And anyway. Lynda thinks they just don’t know when it might come in useful.

And lo – just Robert is getting a bit short with Lynda (brave man), she comes up trumps – a table decoration competition at Christmas around the World!

And three guesses what will be Lynda’s centrepiece?

A plastic walrus.

Lynda tried to justify why a walrus would be appropriate for a table centrepiece.

[Lynda] “Well, reindeer are popular at Christmas”

[Robert] “He looks rather sinister. Like a walrus with a murky past”

Later on, when Jim sees the walrus:

[Jim] “There’s a walrus who knows where the penguins are buried!”

You never know.

A sinister walrus might just be what the judges are looking for.


Kathy agrees there is a likeness

Unlike the rest of Tony’s clan, Kathy doesn’t seem as sure that there’s a striking likeness between Rich and John.

She agrees there is a definite likeness.

[Kathy] “He’s certainly very like him, in some ways”

So whereas Pat sees the same smile, the way he holds himself and his eyes:

[Kathy] “Only one photo, one angle …”

[Pat] “It’s all I need, Kathy”

Kathy doesn’t think pat is wrong wanting to know, but:

[Kathy] “I just wonder … perhaps going over and over it isn’t really helping”

Pat does admit that she was “clumsy” when she told Tom and Helen. Which didn’t really help. She’s sorry about that, but still can’t really understand their reaction.

[Pat] “Just to forget about it now. How can they stand not knowing?”

Kathy reminds Pat that she’d said before she’d need to move on. Pat may have said that, but it’s not where she is now.

[Pat] “But if I don’t get in touch, how can I stop myself thinking about the boy, every single day?”

A reduced display at Christine’s 

Seems Christine, despite her love of all things Christmas, won’t be doing her usual Christmas display.
Seems there’s clips missing from some of her gutters. So, she can’t hang all of her lights.

But not to worry – Jim’ll Fix them!

[Jim] “It’s a problem. It’s a challenge. And I like challenges”

And off he pops to see Robert, a man who “knows his way round a toolbox”.

I feel a sense of worry about Jim, up a ladder, during winter.

(Nigel, on a roof, during winter)


Pat won’t leave the leeks

[Tony] “There’s no need to wear yourself out”

[Pat] “Actually there is , every need. Because at the moment it’s the only way I can see of getting through the whole day without screaming. So if you don’t mind Tony, I’ll just carry on as I am!”

Ouch.

The Archers Friday 2nd December 2011: Helen’s ever decreasing circles …

• Mike’s in trouble with the wife
• Why would anyone buy Joe’s holly?
• Don’t use the ornamental bird bath as an astray!
• Les Tres desert Noelle
• Col-von-ellie?
• Ah, it was Mike’s birthday
• Abby had two!
• Helen offloads to Ian
• Bitten tails and piglets
• Brenda, the serving wench
• Tom’s still thinking of others

Mike’s in trouble with the wife

Remembering Mike’s wife is Vicky, that’s not a good situation to be in.

Vicky’s doing the dishes, Mike comes in, she smashes them down.

[Mike] “Ow! Me head ,,, It’s still a bit delicate from last night”

[Vicky] “One drink, you said. I was expecting you at 9”

[Mike] “You should have phoned”

[Vicky] “I wasn’t going to beg!”

[Mike] “Look, I said I’m sorry … oh, there’s no talking you”

And he storms off to the green burial site, while Vicky starts baking.


Why would anyone buy Joe’s holly?

After his pee-taking last year.

Vicky did, which Mike is aghast by. She could have got it free from Brian.

But, seems Vicky felt sorry for Joe.

He’s a crafty one, that Grundy senior.


Don’t use the ornamental bird bath as an astray!

Lynda has noticed, and is not amused.

In fact, she’s scrubbing it down as it has been rather neglected of late.

[Lynda] “a clean bird bath can be a vital source of drinking water for birds during winter”

She’s saying all of this to Ian, who sounded a bit guilty when she mentioned the astray usage. He doesn’t admit his guilt (surely other folks at Grey Gables smoke), but says he’ll smoke responsibly in the future.

Honestly, smoker with bad manners really irritate me.

As a smoker, it’s bad enough I get harassed for what I know is a disgusting habit, but one (as an adult) I choose to do. It just gets worse when someone else takes the Michael and gives us all a bad reputation.


Les Tres desert Noelle

Ian redeems himself from the association to smoking by telling Lynda and a desert he could do for Christmas around the World.

Les Tres desert Noelle

(or should that be Les Treize Desserts de Noël?)

It’s about the 13 deserts, representing the 13 disciples. That includes two types of nougat representing good and evil. And 4 beggars, which is hazelnuts, almonds raisons and dried figs, representing the different religious orders (the poorer ones).

Lynda is delighted.

Col-von-ellie?


Vicky brings a peace offering to Mike at the green burial site.

[Vicky] “My col-von-ellie … folded pizza”

Sorry?

Did Vicky mean Calzone?

Either way, Mike already had eaten. A pie from the shop (normally is a pastie).


Ah, it was Mike’s birthday

Which is why he was out late.

Vicky tells him that she upset at him returning after his curfew (!) as she wanted an early night … but she offers him the same sort of present tonight.

Daft Mike doesn’t know when he’s winning.

[Mike] “I did try and tear myself away from the bull”

[Vicky, getting annoyed again] “Not hard enough”

He then starts telling her his reasoning for staying.

David was there, and seemed depressed. Neil was also in, trying to avoid Tracey’s kids. And Bert also come in/ He was also depressed as he’d only placed 3rd in his most recent ploughing competition.

[Mike] “Still, things picked up with Eddie and Clarrie came in!”

Seems it was then drinks all round – and Roy then also appeared.

[Mike] “We all really let our hair down then!”

[Vicky] “And to think I was sat at home all alone …”

Lynda gave her food (whatever it should be called) to Lynda, who’d popped by to see Mike’s progress on the green burial site.

As I said. Daft Mike.

If he’d only stopped at “sorry”.


Abby had two!

Which Lynda sniffed about.

Seems Oscar opened his first advent calendar window today.

But Vicky told her that Abby had two advent calendars – one at home, and one at Vicky and Mike’s.


Helen offloads to Ian

[Helen] “I can cope with my brother being dead, what I can’t cope with is him coming back to life. There’s no way I’m ready to meet the 13 year old John again. But then again, when is John’s son not John’s son, when he’s a total stranger … I’m not making much sense …”

[Ian] “Well, it’s not a sensible situation”

[Helen] “You know when you put your debut card in the cash machine and it rejects it … that’s what my mind keeps doing with that photograph, It just keeps pushing it away,. Oh Ian, don’t tell anyone about this. Not even Adam …

“ I’ve spent so much energy in my life fighting the reminders … after his accident … at first, I was a tower of strength. l Everyone told me how marvellous I was being, how string for mum and dad and Tom. But over that summer, I just couldn’t face coming back, so I went to Ireland for a job, but really I ran away. I was trying to explore how I was feeling. It was such a dark time. I was so lonely. I missed my big brother so much …

“ I just wanted to prove to myself I could cope alone I suppose, that I was in control, I can see now I wasn’t. It’s so complicated Ian. John’s was big shoes to fill, he was so popular and easy going.”

[Ian] “You didn’t have to compete”

[Helen] “But I was the eldest now .. Responsible for everything. Plus I didn’t want to drown in all the messy grief at home … and then shortly after I came back, mum got depression and I have to be strong again and run the dairy and pretty soon I found out I preferred being strong and busy to staring into the abyss. So I kept being busy. Then Greg died. And I found out you could manage everything, expect grief”

Seems Helen learned a lot of what she was saying (sorry … feeling) from when she was in counselling. Now she’s angry at herself for “falling to pieces over” over the photo of John next to Rich.

[Ian] “Your parents dropped this on you from a dirty great height… and you just freaked out a bit. … you’re stronger than you realise … look how far you’ve come, you’ve given the family this wee man … so you should focus him and your life now. The past can’t threaten that”

[Helen] “I wish I had your faith in me, Ian”

Bitten tails and piglets

Tom thought his pig had a bitten tail.

But it didn’t.

And Lynda usefully told Tom:

[Lynda] “Did you know baby hedgehogs are called piglets?”

She and Robert are making a hedgehog hibernation box.


Brenda, the serving wench

Dropping the idea of Tom making a Norwegian sausage dish for Christmas around the World, Lynda now wants Tom to provide chipolatas for sauerkraut and sausage snacks.

Which he agrees to.

Lynda then pushes her luck – she asks Tom if Brenda would help serve at the do. Seems Fallon has agreed to.

[Tom] “Don’t hold your breath!”

Busty Brenda the serving wench.

That’s would surely be a major selling point.

And would give Lilian a grand old laugh.


Tom’s still thinking of others

Which is an amazing transformation.

Technically – he’s not thinking of others. Just Helen.

[Tom] “I’ve come to my own conclusion about it … ditch it mum, this whole idea of ringing Sharon isn’t on, not now, not ever. I understand it means closing off a very big door for you, but it’s too high a price to pay”

[Pat] “Henry may never l know the identity of his father, do you really want the same for Rich?”

[Tom] “I don’t care about Rich! … I care about Helen. And you can’t push her like this, it’s not fair, it’s not right… you need to draw a line under this fantasy. And move on!”

What a caring brother.

If, we believe that Tom really is just thinking of Helen. And not just his inheritance …

The Archers Thursday 1st December 2011: The Mart opens (formal, this time)

• David’s more stressed than his beast
• Brian’s paranoid
• The case of the red coat(s)
• Brian didn’t like a mention of Mandy Beesborough
• There was buzzing
• Ruth fluffing the beast …
• I thought it was a mayoress
• A gorgeous Ayrshire
• Brookfield finely balanced
• Joe does a cracking PR job

David’s more stressed than his beast

[David] “You want all year to make a good impression at the Christmas Prize Stock Show”

David is impressed by the facilities at the new Mart – which makes at least one Ambridge resident.
Eddie’s flat out making sure everyone knows where to now go at the new Mart. He sounds happy enough, but thinks having a cup of tea at the nearby garden centre doesn’t compare with the few pints he used to have at the Seven Bells.

The price of progress.


Brian’s paranoid

He won’t even let them switch the Christmas lights on, in case is shorts the electricity again.
Scrooge.

Though, he does let them switch them on after the sale. After all, if they go out, he won’t be bothered by it. He’ll be on holiday.

The case of the red coat(s)

[David] “Annabelle Shrivener looks dazzling today”

[Eddie] “Out of our league, anyroad”

(later on, when Eddie chats to Annabelle in front of Clarrie, it seemed Clarrie was a bit jealous. Surely not, after 30 years?)

Seems she’s wearing a red coat and a Cossack hat.

[Jennifer] “What a lovely coat. Not everyone can wear scarlet …”

(meow)

[Annabelle] “I think it’s closer to cherry red …”

But didn’t Lilian buy a new red coat the other day?

Yup.

Right enough.

Turns out it’s the same red coat.

The shame.

Clarrie also didn’t make much of Annabelle’s hat.

[Clarrie] “Looks like an overweight cat sat in her head!”

Brian didn’t like a mention of Mandy Beesborough

Brian was talking to the Lord Lieutenant.

Seems he owns Stornton Manor.

Which struck a memory for Annabelle.

[Annabelle] “Didn’t he have a fling with Mandy Bereesborough?”

[Brian] “Did he? Oh …”

And he deftly switches the conversation …


There was buzzing

Brian panicked at the sound of buzzing from the sound system. When that happened the other day,. The whole electrics blew.

Annabelle said she didn’t hear it.

But we did.

Never mind. It didn’t short out.


Ruth fluffing the beast …

While David put his white jacket on.

Only in farming.


I thought it was a mayoress

But Brian welcomed Mr Major.


A gorgeous Ayrshire

David didn’t even place.

Which he’s gutted about.

Seems everyone’s eye was taken by a rather spiffing looking Ayrshire.

[Eddie] “That winning Ayrshire was gorgeous, perfectly balanced, style and class …”

[David] “Surly beggar … “

(the farmer of the Ayrshire, not the Ayrshire itself)

[Ruth] “You can’t win every year, pet”

[Ben] “Well I think the judge is a loser. We’ll prove him wrong dad. We’ll get tonnes and tonnes of Christmas orders!”

Brookfield finely balanced

Ruth now wants to switch to a new milk processor to get a better deal, but David is worried about wrecking their reputation.

[Ruth] “Well, we’ve got to do something. One sudden big expense and that’s us in trouble”

Joe does a cracking PR job

Brian’s glowing from the success of the official Mart launch, but bad news awaits him in the Echo:
It’s light out for the new cattle market

[Jennifer] “And I think they’re found their angle … freezing pensioner queued in vain for a hot drink when the electrics failed … they spent millions on this new-fangled market and UI could get a cup of tea … the plucky pensioner … there was wartime spirit, chuckled veteran Joe, Senior Executive of Grundy Enterprises and star of Radio Borchester’s Joe’s Jotties”

Joe managed to also mention his holly, and got a plug in for the nearby garden centre.

[Brian, laughing] “Oh, the old rogue!”

Ambridge Extra Thursday 1st December: Alan married an ice axe murderer

(slight poetic licence there – actually, Alan married a knife wielding GBH)

• Erin excited by doing a Ewe caesarean
• “not my Catherine!”
• £75, standing too close and 6 lambs
• The Clinical Club

Erin excited by doing a Ewe caesarean

Each to their own.

Though Erin may also be excited about seeing Alistair, she also seems to be rubbing along well with Daniel.

Alistair – to himself - great to see them joking together. All that worry over nothing

Erin scrubs up, and goes to take her top off.

Alistair – to himself – what!

[Erin, obviously seeing Alistair, and probably Daniel’s, discomfort] “It’s okay, I’ve got a t-shirt underneath”

Alistair – to himself - clam down Alistair

Enter the Ewe.

[Erin] “Hello Madam!”

And Daniel leaves them to it to do his homework.

Alistair – to himself – we’ll be fine

“not my Catherine!”

Alan’s driven up to see Mabel in Bradford.

(I do love a bit of Mabel)

Mabel first gives him a row about his motorbike. She doesn’t think it’s safe.

Then Alan asks her about Falconwood and Catherine letters to Mabel’s sister.

[Mabel] “I wouldn’t know about that”

Which isn’t true, as Alan had also found a Falconwood letter from Catherine to Mabel. And also the release paperwork for Catherine. It said:

[Alan, quoting from the release paperwork] “Catherine would be released because she now posed no threat to herself or to others”

[Mabel] “This is all in the past. Can’t you let sleeping dogs lie? … why do you want to go raking this up”

[Alan] “She was my wife … you’ve got to be honest with me.”

[Mabel] “She was 14. There was a girl in her class at school, Catherine attacked her … stabbed … it was bad. Very. They called it grievous bodily harm. She spent two years in that place”

[Alan] “What on earth happened?”

[Mabel, while starting to cry] “I don’t know., She wouldn’t say … it just wasn’t her,. She would never. Not my Catherine,. She was never violent … she never did anything like that before or since, And when she came out she never spoke about it,. We tried to put it behind it, but it broke my heart. My sweet little Catherine”

Later on:

[Alan] “I must admit I still don’t know how to react .. .why didn’t you tell me about this?”

[Mabel] “It wasn’t my story to tell … What? I could have told you a secret she took to the grave? And how would that have helped”

[Alan] “I’d have known the truth”

[Mabel] “What truth? This one thing she did before she met you, or all the years she loved and cared for you”

[Alan] “They’re both the truth”

[Mabel] “You want me to betray her memory and change the way you feel about her forever?”

[Alan] “I’d still have loved her”

Mabel thinks her sister, Annie, should have burned the letters.

[Alan] “I feel like I’ve been kept in the dark by the whole family … it’s like I couldn’t be trusted to cope with the secret”

[Mabel] “We were protecting Catherine”

[Alan] “Don’t you think I wanted to protect her too?”

[Mabel] “And this is how you’re doing it? By dragging up the past, dirtying her memory? … she put that dreadful time behind her, and you should too”

Mabel offers Alan to stay, but he wants to head off.

They leave each other on good times, with Mabel saying she’ll be praying for Alan and Usha.

Alan starts motorbiking back:

Alistair – to himself - what a mess. How on earth could she? It’s inconceivable. My Catherine. To take a knife and harm another human being. I just can’t … I could have helped her. You can’t lock that sort of thing away and not affect you. The cancer … was is stress living with that dreadful memory. Catherine, why didn’t you trust me? Did you think I didn’t love you enough. That I couldn’t have coped with it. Amy, how will she feel. She idolises her mother. What would this to do her. Oh lord, what should I do?

I’d reckon that he shouldn’t tell Amy, for a start.

I quite agree with Mabel that there’s nothing to be gained from dragging this all back up – even though it’s different for a husband than for a daughter. And anyway – it’s academic in Alan’s case. He’d already seen the letters.


£75, standing too close and 6 lambs

Erin was asking Alistair how much he’ll charge the farmer for doing the caesarean on the Ewe.

Seems it’s £75, including drugs.

Erin reckons that isn’t much, but as Alistair explains:

[Alistair] “the farmer has to account for the age of the ewe and how much make on lambs”

So there’s always haggling with farmers. Though I reckon it is cheap for 7+ years of studying and professional expertise.

As Erin helps Alistair with the operation, seems she’s standing very close to him:

Alistair – to himself - god that’s close … is she? … not, she’s just interested in the op. Concentrate

Alistair does manage to pull himself together to deliver 6 (yes, a whopping 6!) lambs. All of who came out alive.


The Clinical Club

Which isn’t like the Clap Clinic as I first thought.

It’s a Club where vets meet up to talk shop. Have supper. Hear from a speaker, or talk about interesting cases.

Alistair mentioned that he’d bring up his 6 lamb caesarean, and Erin sound very interested in the club.

So Alistair invites her along.

What is that man thinking?

If he does truly suspect that Erin is trying to come onto him, why encourage her?

If he thinks it’s all in his head, why encourage himself?

Then again, maybe Alistair is enjoying the flirt. Without admitting it to himself.

Either which way - dangerous stuff indeed.

The Archers Wednesday 30th November 2011: Helen might be back to Hellin … *sigh*

(and I’ve been so smug that she’s a changed woman – the Helen haters will have a field day over this!)

• Lilian puts Brenda in her place
• Helen’s making cheese
• Brenda’s skiving
• Tom’s terrified for Helen
• Helen begs Pat
• Everyone enjoys a good gallop, according to Lilian
• It takes a red coat to stop Lilian looking like a cow
• Tony still adoring Brian’s failures

Lilian puts Brenda in her place

Brenda’s been away in Nottingham doing Lilian’s bidding.

She was quite happy, as she got to visit her friend Lottie. She also got a “good girl” for bringing back information packs and photos.

Brenda and Lilian are at the Mart, casing the joint before tomorrow’s formal opening.

[Lilian] “Such a shame the animals have to come in and spoil it!”

Brenda starts waffling about how she used to go to cattle sales with her dad. Lilian really isn’t interested.

And when Brenda mentions about being at the opening tomorrow:

[Lilian, with sarcastic pity in her voice] “Oh Brenda, did I say, I think it’s better you stay in the office. In fact, you better get back there now, darling, pronto, the emails must be piling up from yesterday. See you Brenda!”

[Brenda] “Uh! Cow!”

Tee-hee. Lilian does keep a grudge going, but with such class.


Helen’s making cheese

Which pat doesn’t see as a good sign. It’s her first batch since Henry, and she hadn’t mention she was going to make it.

[Tony] “You know Helen. She seeks refuge in routine when the water’s choppy … I expect she wants some peace and quiet. And to get away from you”

[Pat] “Charming!”

[Tony] “Well it’s obvious you’re dying to pounce on the subject of Rich”

[Pat] “I’m trying to act normally”

[Tony] “It’s not working. You’re like a coiled spring!”

[Pat] “I’m worried she’s closing off”

[Tony] “She’s just being Helen”

[Pat] “Exactly. We had that dramatic exit from super. Racking tears shaking the whole house. And this morning, nothing”

[Tony] “Pat .. back off. You know you can’t ever force her and it doesn’t work … what they need is support to deal with this in their own way … you need to stop this obsession with a grandson you may never meet and concentrate instead on the children you have here!”

[Pat] “I love my children more than anything”

[Tony] “Then give them time”

[Pat] “Yes, yes you’re right”

[Tony] “At last!”

But Pat then heads off to go and see Helen.

[Tony] “You’ll be at her in her den!”

[Pat] “I agreed not to push her, not to ignore her”

Pat really isn’t giving up. But where she thinks finding Rich could heal the family, Tony thinks it could break them.


Brenda’s skiving

She’s met up with Tom at Jaxx rather than returning to work (as she was told to by Lilian. Oh dear).
Lilian will catch her out one way or another.

Brenda may reckon she’s a cow, but she’s the cow who pays her wages.


Tom’s terrified for Helen

Starting on with how Pat and Tony sprung this all on him and Helen when Brenda wasn’t there:

[Tom] “They’ll just love it when it’s the nuclear foursome, the claustrophobic clan”

Tom then moves onto his fears for Helen.

[Tom] “It’s all so weird … No warning, like a rabbit out of a hat, so insensitive, nightmare. Helen’s love for john and her, well, her worship of him I suppose, went so deep, I suppose. All her problems stem from his accident. She walks on this thin layer of ice all the time. And I’m always expecting it to crack and fall though …

“So why were mum and dad prepared to risk that again? After all the progress she’s made, fighting her way back from Greg, starving herself, and this one great achievement of hers that says ‘hey mum and dad look I’m better now, I’m well’, they have to go and trump that with this virtual grandson. It’s so crass.”

Tom’s terrified Helen will unravel.

Brenda manages to get Tom off the topic long enough to talk about he feels. He admits he’s struggling to “make sense of it” and that he thinks this will open up all of the old family wounds.

[Tom] “It’s totally spooked me Brenda. All my life I’ve tried to move out from john’s shadow. Now this”

So John’s back to displace Tom.

But I do believe him when he says that he’s thinking more of Helen. For once, Tom isn’t just in Tom’s world.


Helen begs Pat

[Helen, crying] “Mum, please don’t phone Sharon … I’m not ready … I’m so confused.”

[Pat] “I know. And I promise I won’t. Not yet”

Note that Pat said “not yet”.

Even Helen about to break down isn’t going to change Pat’s mind.


Everyone enjoys a good gallop, according to Lilian

Lilian is teaching Henry the way gentleman ride by bouncing him up and down.

[Tony] “You’ll make him sick”

[Lilian] “We’ll, who doesn’t enjoy a good gallop, eh”

Quite right Lilian.

And Henry seems to agree. He’s happily chuckling away.


It takes a red coat to stop Lilian looking like a cow

Lilian’s showing off her new coat to Tony. She was desperate – her mum and Jennifer were both out.
She’s bought it for the Mart’s opening.

[Tony] “I’ll try not to mistake you for a Hereford then!”

Might also help Brenda stop mistaking Lilian for a cow as well.

(I know – Hereford are beef cattle …)


Tony still adoring Brian’s failures

Tony and Lilian are chatting about the Mart’s failure (so far).

[Lilian] “He can’t always deliver what he promises”

[Tony] “Well he loves the big talk, doesn’t he. It would be rather delicious if the microphone failed in the middle of his opening speech … I’m sick of him and Jennifer going on and on about this wonderful so called legacy project of his when he’s clearly going to make a packet out of it!”
Lilian reminds Tony that she’s also on the Board.

[Tony] “I was being wicked”

[Lilian] “Be careful what you wish for …”

[Tony] “I’ll just have to content myself that Brian may have a sleepless night tonight worrying”

[Lilian to Henry] “What a naughty gramps you've got!”

Tony then has a dig about Brian swanning off on holiday.

[Lilian] “Well, there’s always problems waiting for you when you get back”

[Tony, cheering up] “Yes, that’s true!”

The Archers Tuesday 29th November 2011: Tom and Helen about John’s “son”

• Joe’s not impressed with the new Mart
• John’s favourite booked was Little Piggly Wriggly
• Tony adores Brian’s failures
• Why is anyone surprised at Helen walking away from Lasagne?
• Helen and Tom … meet your nephew

Joe’s not impressed with the new Mart

It’s too big for him.

[Joe] “I've leant over railings like these to watch cattle auctions all me life and the auctioneer ain't never needed a microphone before … “

But Brian tells Joe the auctioneer wouldn’t be heard otherwise.

[Joe] “ … he never need no fancy spotlights neither nor computers screens on the walls just to sell a few beasts”

But Brian tells him that it’s the most “cutting edge” in the Shire, with plenty of parking.

Joe really isn’t having it. He’s also not impressed by washers for the trucks

[Joe] “Bio security … what’s wrong with a bit of honest dark dirt, eh!”

Tony comes along and tends to agree with Joe. He also reckons that some of the farmers are confused about nowhere to offload their cattle and sheep. And both of them snort when Brian calls the farmers “customers”.

[Tony] “I find it all rather intimidating”

[Brian] “It’s called 21st century technology boys”

And right on cue, the electrics went down.

Almost as if someone had timed it (!).

It meant there was no hot food and drinks (as well as halting the sale), so folks weren’t best pleased.

Which led to Brian bellowing at Cliff for most of the day.

Not to worry. The electrics did come back on again … and went off again just as quickly.

I feel sorry for Cliff …


John’s favourite booked was Little Piggly Wriggly

[Pat] “that should have told us something”

Tony adores Brian’s failures

He was positively glowing at the Mart’s failure on its first day.

[Tony] “Absolutely ridiculous Tom, nobody knew what was going on … in the end the staff had to resort to pen and paper to write the receipts down … and if course people couldn’t pay, only if they had cash on them … IOUs and a handshake like the old days I expect, Brian was furious … Joe was pretty smug about the whole thing …”

Why is anyone surprised at Helen walking away from Lasagne?

(actually, Pat said she “waltzed”)

And, I suppose Helen is a new lady these days. Eating, and all that.

She comes back down with her bridesmaid’s dress on.

[Tony] “You look smashing love!”

[Tom, also approving] “Very slinky, isn’t it!”

[Helen] “You’re not sure it doesn’t make me look big?”

(oh – scratch that last bit – she isn’t 100% a new lady yet)


Helen and Tom … meet your nephew

[Tom] “Are you alright mum?”

[Pat] “More than alright!”

She starts telling them about how she met Kylie at Ivy’s funeral.

[Pat] “She’s a lovely girl”

[Tom] “Not like Sharon …”

[Pat] “Susan told me two weeks ago Kylie’s got a little brother … and we believe, we’ll we’re pretty certain actually, that Rich is …”

[Tony] “ …John’s son”

[Helen, aghast] “Johns!”

[Tom, furious] “No, that’s mad!”

[Tony] “Well, it seemed mad to us, but the more we looked into it, the more probable it become”

So they fetch the laptop.

[Tom] “But Sharon … she must have had loads of boyfriends after John … where on earth have you got all this from?”

[Helen] “Why are you doing this mum?”

[Tom] “So just because the numbers stack up, you want it to be true … I bet she was sleeping around anyway when she was with John, so how can you be certain?”

[Helen] “Why you clutching at straws, trying to bring John back, it’s sick mum!”

[Tony] “Look at the screen before you make up your minds”

And they put up the picture of Rich on the laptop, and also put a picture of John next to it.

[Helen, as she runs off crying] “No!”

[Tom, as he runs off after Helen] “For heaven’s sake, what do you think you’re both playing at!”

Which leaves Tony and Pat in the kitchen themselves.

[Tony] “I tried to warn you”

[Pat] “I hoped they might be a bit excited as well”

[Tony] “That’s what I’ve been trying to get through to you. You can’t anticipate how people will react just because you want something yourself”

They agree that the photo was probably a step too far. And it can’t have helped that Pat was so excited – when this was a complete bolt out of the blue for Helen and Tom.

[Tony] “You agreed to involve them. It can't be a unilateral decision … we need to take this news on board as a family, and it’s going to take time”

While upstairs:

[Helen, hysterically sobbing] “Why does mum want to take us back to that terrible time Tom, why?”

[Tom] “We can’t be sure it is John’s son”

[Helen] “Come on. You saw the photograph …I can’t go back there, I can’t”

Oh sugar.

Just when Helen had found her happy place in life, this could pull her right back to Hellin.

Two observations from me – first, why did Pat and Tony tell them in such a hurried and shocking way? And second, surely some folks can look like other folks without even being related?

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 29th November 2011: A shock from the past for Alan

(which isn’t fair. Alan deserves only sunshine and happy faces)

• Daniel shall go to the ball
• When salmon isn’t fish
• Welcome to Ambridge Extra, Usha and Alan!
• Letters from the past
• Just middle aged ego?
• Usha reckons praying isn’t going to solve it
• Egypt isn’t well
• Daniel’s going to get the parental sex talk
• The truth about Catherine

Daniel shall go to the ball

Daniels’ mate Gav wants to go to the New Year’s Seniors ball. And he wants them to have dates. So he’s pushing Daniel to ask Erin. As Ellie Henderson blew Gav out. And Gav will have a better chance of finding another date if Daniel has a date. (or something like that)

[Gav] “I went out on a limb and she took a chainsaw to it!”

So Daniel asks Erin.

She at first reckons she might be away with her folks (skiing), but later tells him that they’re going in February, so she can with Daniel.

He’s over the moon.


When salmon isn’t fish

[Erin] “I didn’t think you ate fish due to the threat to the global fish stocks”

[Daniel] “Eh. This is salmon,. It’s farmed. Although there are some environmental downsides …”

Welcome to Ambridge Extra, Usha and Alan!

Excellent.

If Ambridge Extra achieves nothing else, it has at least given us back a bit more time with Usha and Alan (especially Alan).

Thank goodness someone did think to stop having so many of the hidden microphones pointed at just youngsters …


Letters from the past

Alan’s looking through letters from Amy’s great aunt (who recently died). They’re all from his first wife Catherine (who died a fair while back).

He at first thinks Catherine was writing to her aunt while she was on holiday. The letters had Falconwood at the top, which Alan reckoned was probably a holiday camp or a B&B.

[Usha] “You don’t feel it’s prying a bit?”

Usha – to herself - into you late wife’s business … I wonder if he’d be as keen to read my childhood letters?

(eh? Is Usha jealous of Alan’s dead wife?)

As Alan reads on, Catherine makes mention of some girls getting into a fight, and one of them ending up in hospital. Then how she was punished for not making her bed right. And then how one of the girls tried to run away.

[Alan] “This Falconwood place must have been some sort of institution .. Catherine must have been there for at least a year … I had no idea … what on earth could have happened to her?”

Oo-er. Very mysterious indeed.


Just middle aged ego?

[Alistair to Shula] “I’m a bit concerned about Erin”

Alistair – to himself - and what she’s up …

He claims that he’s worried about her taking time off school to go on his rounds.

[Shula] “She’s not been a nuisance, has she?”

Alistair – to himself - not that way …

[Alistair] “Would you say she’s a bit over attentive?”

Shula thinks Alistair means Daniel, which leaves Alistair wondering whether he has to spell it out to her …

(um, yes!)

Alistair – to himself - or is this just middle aged ego. Do I want her to fancy me? Should I show her  (Shula) that text. Or, would she just laugh at me? Get a grip on yourself. It’s your imagination. If she’s going to that with him …

In fact, Alistair is so (outwardly) delighted that Erin and Daniel are going to the ball, he even offers to pay. And to help Daniel choose his first dinner suit.

Alistair – to himself - thank goodness for that 

Hmmm. Does any one of us believe Erin has any intention of focusing on Daniel over Alistair? It’s all just a game …


Usha reckons praying isn’t going to solve it

Alan’s still pondering Catherine’s letters.

[Alan] “Whatever it was, it must have been a huge episode in her life”

[Usha] “What are you going to do?”

[Alan] “Pray, obviously”

[Usha] “And speak to Mabel …”

[Alan] “I’m not sure about that. It’s what I need guidance on”

Alan’s worried that Catherine’s spell in (what he assumes was) an institution might have been down to some sort of failing in Mabel as a parent.

Usha – to herself - this is going to eat away at him. I don’t think just praying is the answer

Egypt isn’t well

According to Shula, Egypt is “out of sorts”.

Lucky horse to have Alistair on call.

Daniel’s going to get the parental sex talk

Alistair and Shula think Erin must be serious about Daniel.

[Shula] “I’ve been wondering about sex …”

[Alistair] “Well, that’s a better offer than a cup of tea!”

[Shula] “I wonder if it might be an idea to have a little talk with Daniel about taking precautions”

Alistair tries to wriggle out of it by saying that Daniel will surely have done that at school.

[Shula] “I’m sure Daniel understands”

[Alistair] “The mechanics …”

[Shula] “So a gentle reminder about being sensible …”

[Alistair] “Not getting carried away in the heat of the moment …”

So Alistair is tasked with (talking about) doing the deed.

Poor Daniel. That’s going to be quite embarrassing, really.


The truth about Catherine

Alan comes back in from work to find Usha asking him to sit down.

She’s been doing a bit of research on Falconwood (in-between getting her client a ‘not-guilty’ )

[Usha] “This is going to come as a shock Alan. It was a children’s home. But it was a secure home … I’m sorry Alan … I don’t think Katherine was simply taken into care”

[Alan] “What are you saying? That she might have committed a crime?”

Usha reckons (in her solicitor type way) that Catherine must have been found guilty of something, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she did the crime. Mistakes happen.

She suggests they look into old newspaper articles to see if they can out what happened.

[Alan] “I don’t want to learn about Katherine through some ancient press cuttings. I need to see Mabel”

Blimey.

Any guesses?

The Archers Monday 28th November 2011: Will’s a good boy sometimes

• School nativity time
• Helen’s isn’t as sticky out
• Has Tony got enough spuds?
• Second hand wedding outfits
• Pat now can’t stop looking at Rich
• “I’ve got better things to worry about than the state of my shorts”
• Will’s a mum’s boy
• Pat calls Sharon a cow

School nativity time

Jake’s in the choir (so doesn’t get a costume), but Mia is an angel.


Helen’s isn’t as sticky out

Helen’s bridesmaid’s dress seemingly is a “more sophisticated” shape than Mia’s.


Second hand wedding outfits

Nic’s mum is wearing duck egg blue. Seems it’s one she wore to one of their cousin’s wedding.
Clarrie asked Nic if she minded that her mum was wearing it for the second time (at her own daughter’s wedding), but Nic didn’t.

[Nic] “I won’t be offended if you don’t wear brand new, Clarrie”

[Clarrie, feeling sheepish] “The only suitable outfit I’ve got is the one I wore to William’s first wedding …”

[Nic, laughing] “Oh, I see!”

[Clarrie] “And I didn’t get that second hand … I didn’t show our William up”

But Clarrie does seem worried.


Has Tony got enough spuds?

Hope so.

Or he’d have to turn back the van to get more.


Pat now can’t stop looking at Rich

[Pat] “It’s just like looking at a teenage John”

[Tony] “I know you’re cock-a-hoop about this, but I’m still struggling to take it in ... it’s unnerved me, if I'm honest, which is why I can’t look anymore”

[Pat] “It’s not going to go away. You can’t stuff the genie back in the bottle”

[Tony] “What have we unleashed …”

After seeing Rich’s picture on Kylie’s Facebook, both Tony and Pat are now convinced that Rich is John’s son. He looks the same.

But, Tony doesn’t want to be rushed about calling Sharon.

[Tony] “Our whole lives have been turned upside down at a click of a mouse”

[Pat] “It’s a miracle …”

“I’ve got better things to worry about than the state of my shorts”

Brian’s in a right grump.

He shouts at Will for bothering him with detail about the shoot.

Will later says to Nic:

[Will] “He wants to be kept in the loop but he doesn’t want to know about the details”

And Brian then has a go at Jennifer for harassing him about what he wants to take with him on their holiday.

[Brian] “I’ve got better things to worry about than the state of my shorts!”

The Mart is have a pre-official-opening-sale-opening tomorrow. So he’s stressed.


Will’s a mum’s boy

[Nic] “Reading between the lines, I think your mum’s worried about letting you down at the wedding”

[Will] “Well, she wouldn’t know how!”

Nic tells Will that Clarrie is ashamed about buying dress from charity shop.

[Will] “Well, I’m not having that!”

And he gets straight on the phone to her.

[Will] “Mum, you and me are going shopping, to buy you a new outfit for the wedding … mum, shut up. It was you made me realise Nic's the right wife for me, I was so stuck in the past, without you there wouldn’t be a wedding. I want to treat you”

Good lad, Will.

He seems to have completely changed his tune lately … wonder if it’ll last?


Pat calls Sharon a cow

The wine’s open at Bridge Farm

[Pat] “At last we’ve got something to celebrate. Who’d have thought we’d actually be grateful to Sharon for something. Let’s drink tour son John and his son Rich”

But Tony still can’t look at the picture of Rich, and is still against phoning Sharon.

[Tony] “Actions have consequences. Mostly ones we don’t anticipate”

[Pat] “But that’s what’s so exciting. This world of possibilities has opened up to us, it’s like a blessing”

[Tony] “What will Sharon think after these years … out of the blue …. That’s enough to clear the path for your killer question? She may not want to roll over and play happy families. We didn’t exactly approve of her when she was with John. You called her a fortune hunter!”

[Pat] “I did, didn’t I. But that was so long ago”

Tony is terrified that Sharon will slam the phone down on Pat, and he’ll be left to “pick up the pieces” as he had to after John died.

[Pat] “Why do you have to be so negative? … this little boy … could bring us so much joy”

[Tony] “There you go again, building up your hopes”

But Pat is determined to try and find about him if they can.

[Tony] “He’s not missed out on anything. He’s got his life in Leeds, the only life he’s know. And we’re not a part of it.”

Tony tries again to reason. That Sharon might be biding her time to tell Rich about his dad.

[Tony] “It’s not our place to initiate contact and disrupt the boys’ life”

[Pat] “Rich has a family here as well. I can’t just sit on this. And if I don’t initiate this, who will? That woman has known all about this for 13 years and a dickie bird. Cow!”

[Tony] “Well if you talk to her like that, she really will slam the phone down on you! … it’s all about you,. Isn’t it. What about Tom and Helen … this could change their lives too. You’re so blinkered”

[Pat] “Yes, yes you’re right. I’m sorry. We must show the Rich’s picture, before we phone”

[Tony] “What about wanting my blessing?”

[Pat] “I’ll phone her without it, if I have to …”

So – Tony’s backed into a corner.

 He agrees that they need to talk to Tom and Helen before they do anything. Which they’ll do tomorrow – as Brenda’s away.

Poor Brenda.

She really isn't seen to be part of the Archer clan at all.

Wonder what’s happening with their engagement?

The Archers Sunday 27th November 2011: Pat reckons there’s no doubt … John had a son

• Is there a fashion for sprouts on stalks?
• Pat’s obsessed
• Squealing not squabbling
• Pat … pushy?
• No Smoking zone around the weaners
• First Sunday in advent
• Neil stands up to Lynda
• Lynda can squeeze in a lusty …
• Was there a point to Neil’s keys?
• Seeing is believing for Tony

Is there a fashion for sprouts on stalks?

Would seem so, going by Tony.

He’s a happy chappy as it saves him having to strip them off.


Pat’s obsessed (part 1)

Sharon’s number has been “burning a hole” in Pat’s pocket since she got it from Susan. But she hasn’t called her. Yet.

[Pat] “To think there could be a part of John living on in Rich, it’s so … oh, all the years I’ve yearned for him Tony, and now it’s so tantalising”

[Tony] “I knew this would happen, that this restlessness would overtake you, I’d have advised against asking Susan for the number in the first if you’d bothered to consult me”

[Pat] “Aren’t you in the least bit curious about him?”

[Tony] “No. No I’m not … I think it’s best all round if you tear it up and forget all about it, then we can just get on with our lives”

[Pat] “I can’t … I really would like to phone Sharon, at least that I’d, we’d, be one step nearer knowing either way, can’t you see that … think of it Tony, the reward …”

[Tony] “The heartache …”

[Pat] “This boy could be our own flesh and blood, our grandson”

[Tony] “Please love. You’ve got no idea where it could lead”

Squealing not squabbling

Susan thinks Neil’s pigs sound like they’ve never been fed.

But Neil is more than content.

[Neil] “I’m enjoying the peace and quiet too much … their squealing is music to my ears, believe me, compared to Brad and Chelsea squabbling”

Later on, Neil reckons he spends the worst two hours of his life when he’s left alone with the kids.
There were doors banging. Yelling. AND taunting.

[Neil] “They know I haven’t got any authority over them, you see”

Pat … pushy?

Never.

Susan is wondering (and worrying) if Pat has called Sharon. Neil doesn’t want to know nor cares.
Susan is worried that Sharon will be angry with her rather than Pat:

[Susan] “Pat has this way about her sometimes … pushy”

But Neil tells Susan to let it go.

Maybe he and Tony should get together to gang up on their womenfolk.


No Smoking zone around the weaners

Neil being unhappy about the Tracey plus brood invasion is going a tad too far for Susan.

He’s complaining that though Tracey claims she has money problems, she still seems to be able to afford fags.

[an indignant Neil] “She was smoking out her by the weaners yesterday, I’m not having that!”

[Susan] “She’s my little sister Neil, don't judge her”

First Sunday in advent

Blimey.

I agree with Lynda. That has come round fast.

It’ll soon be time for Jennifer to panic about being late with her Christmas cards, which makes me panic, though she’s always 2 weeks ahead of final posting (damn her!).

At St Stephens:

[Lynda] “Lead, Kindly Night, such a marvellous hymn”

Alan says it’s also Mabel’s favourite.

And wee Mia got to light the first candle.

[Alan] “’Cept I thought she was going to set fire to my surplus when she dropped the taper”

[Lynda] “Well at least you let her near a living flame and not a glostick … it make me feel all Christmassy”

And to top it all – the Christmas day service is back at St Stephens this year.

Lovely.


Neil stands up to Lynda

Lynda was asking Susan (and Tracey) to help her with the food for Christmas around the World.

[Lynda] “It could be a nice bonding experience for the pair of you, as sisters”

Nice try Lynda – but Neil steps in to say no. Quite firmly. He tells Lynda that Susan has enough to cope with.

[Lynda] “Gosh Susan, what an advocate … well you can see I had to try”

Once Lynda’s gone.

[Neil] “She’s got the sensitivity of a rhinoceros!”

Lynda can squeeze in a lusty …

… baritone.

Though I’m not sure she should have referred to Alan in that way to his face.

Lynda is planning to “hide the weaker acts in the middle” of the show.

(That’ll be Jim, then)

Though she is delighted that Mabel has offered (through Alan) to read a Jamaican poem. And Mabel has also offered to make gallons of Sorrel. Though it’ll be of the non-alcoholic variety.


Was there a point to Neil’s keys?

Neil left his keys at the bottom of the bell tower.

So Alan brought them back.

Did I miss the point of that?


Seeing is believing for Tony

Tony comes across Pat in the bedroom. On the laptop. Being very defensive that he caught her.

[Pat] “Can’t I have any privacy?”

[Tony] “It’s my bedroom too”

Pat fesses up that she’s been trying to find Kylie’s Facebook page.

[Pat] “If there’s a photograph of Rich out there, I’ve got to see it. I’ve got to know”

So Pat’s obsession has now extended to online stalking.

And Tony now joins in to help her look.

[Tony] “Your hand is shaking”

But they find Kylie quite quickly. She can’t have her privacy settings set very high as they’re able to see all of her photos.

They spot a family one. With her brother in it. And Tony even knows how to enlarge it so that they can see it properly.

(what’s Tony been doing online?)

[Pat] “Oh my god … look at him. He’s the exact image of John”

[Tony] “I can’t believe it …”

[Pat] “There’s no doubt Tony. John had a son!”

Double blimey!

Is he that like John, or is Pat and Tony seeing what they want to believe?

The Archers Friday 25th November 2011: Kathy has a word

• The new yoghurt pot designs have arrived
• Neil doesn’t want Tracey as a houseguest
• Henry is starting to pull himself up on things
• Kathy wants Pat to think

The new yoghurt pot designs have arrived

And Helen likes the style of them.

Seems they are “bold but not too flashy”.

[Pat] “I just liked the yoghurt pots the way they are”

Poor Pat.

Helen later tells Kathy that she feels Pat is “disengaged … like given up”.

So Kathy says she’ll go round to have a chat. Though she doesn’t mention to Helen that Pat’s ponderings are about far more than a yoghurt pot.


Neil doesn’t want Tracey as a houseguest

Neil reckons can’t Tracey and her kids can’t stay.

[Neil] “Honestly Susan, those children … I’m not sure I can stand many more days like yesterday”

But – the positive is that Tracey has agreed to look after their dad (and Gary).

So Susan is quite content to out up with the hassle at home, as it doesn’t mean she has to run two households.

Neil isn’t convinced.

[Neil] “She needs to get herself organised. Find herself somewhere closer to home”

Henry is starting to pull himself up on things

Blimey.

He’ll be trying to woo Emma’s Keira next!


Kathy wants Pat to think

[Kathy] “There are some scars that are never going to heal. And if you go poking around …”

Kathy asks Pat what Tony feels about her thinking that Sharon’s son might be John’s.

Pat reckons Tony is simply ambivalent.

[Pat] “And I can understand that. I mean John’s death was a terrible blow to him. Particularly as he and John had had this dreadful row beforehand, and they never had a chance to make their peace and the tractor … but if John has a son, it would mean a part of him lives on … the more I think about it the more convinced I am he must be”

[Kathy] “But you can’t know and if he isn’t you’ll have dug up all that ancient history, all that pain and suffering for nothing … think about it Pat”

Kathy tries to get Pat to think about how Helen and Tom will feel about all of this, as well as Tony.

But to no avail.

Pat later turns up at the Carters’ to ask for Sharon’s phone number.

Susan is unhappy about giving it – but does so. She’s worried Sharon and Kylie will blame her if they do get upset.

[Neil] “Sharon is quite capable of fighting her own corner, she’ll put Pat straight one way or the other .. you’ll not responsible for what Pat does”

Alrighty. Get set for round two – Pat Vs Sharon.

The Archers Thursday 24th November: Living with Tracey Horrobin

• Who’s being had for dinner?
• Tracey’s tired
• David and Pip’s sense of “cute” don’t concur
• Brian’s losing his mojo
• David helps the Super Dairy plans
• The Carters are a no smoking household
• Susan gets a helper?

Who’s being had for dinner?

Not the young chap who is 543 kilos. He’s a “bit on the skinny side”.

[Pip] “Go on then. You live to eat another day”

The next is 557.5 kilos.

[Pip] “Sorry sunshine. You’re going to be Christmas dinner”

[David] “Quite a look of Christmas dinners that is!”

Tracey’s tired

[Tracey] “I am just so knackered. Honestly. I could just live here for the rest of the day”

Susan is not pleased at that. Seems Tracey’s kids, Brad and Chelsea, have been up since 6am. Susan reckons they’re a “bit over excited”, and tells Tracey that they’ve broken the standard lamp …

Tracey reckons it’s because they’re not used to the space.

[Tracey] “You’re so lucky having this great big house”

[Susan] “Luck had nothing to do with it!”

So not a great start to Tracey being a grateful house guest, then. Her kids don’t even take their shoes off when asked to by Susan.


David and Pip’s sense of “cute” don’t concur

They’re trying to choose steer for showing.

[David] “Good line. Nice hind quarters. That one’s got a prettier face … he’s very cute”

[Pip] “That’s a matter of opinion”

Pip reckons the “cute” steer does a “funny thing with his right foreleg”


Brian’s losing his mojo

So he thinks the BL Board thinks of him.

[Brian] “I’m accused of coming to the board with a half-baked plan that hadn’t been fully research … that’s a sign that I’m losing it … It’s all down to Adam. If he wasn’t so wretchedly intransient”

Adam better watch out.

Brian doesn’t take kindly to being put in the position of being seen to have lost his mojo.


David helps the Super Dairy plans

Fair play to David. He put his personal (and professional) opinions aside to put his NFU hat on.
He’s found a few local folks who’d be happy to supply Brian’s Super Dairy.

Including Pete Welks … Pip’s boyfriend’s dad. Oooh – that will surely spell trouble for Spencer and Pip …

Anyhoo, David has unwittingly given the Super Dairy new life. It means Brian can crack on with putting his plans properly together. Looks like his supply problems are solved.


The Carters are a no smoking household

After telling Susan that Den had blown his redundancy on a 50” telly and spent his days watching sport … she then tries to light up a cigarette in the house. Susan says to go outside, Neil will smell it later on if she continues inside, and Kylie also shouldn’t be smoking round the kids.

[Tracey] “Don’t lecture me Susan!”

[Susan] “Sorry, but this is my house!”

Ouch.

There were never such devoted sister.


Susan gets a helper?

Susan has to force Tracey round to their dad’s. Tracey claims she’s knackered (still), and that her kids need tea.

Susan isn’t having it.

[Susan] “Someone’s got to look after the pair of them, and I’ve been doing my best, I really have, but I’m holding down working two jobs and it’s really more than I can manage on my own”

[Tracey] “Susan, is it really that bad?”

[Susan] “Yes! And the least you can do while you’re staying here is to give me a hand”

I reckon Susan might win through this time.

Tracey is captive!

Ambridge Extra Thursday 24th November 2011: Ah Matt – we were so wrong to doubt you

• Matt’s had a break-in
• Clive’s had a break-in
• What an odd accent that Policewoman had
• An impoverished post-grad
• Just as Clive is about to do a bunk
• He’s a good chap, sometimes
• Amy’s great-aunty died last week
• Amy thought Daniel was … you know …
• Amy Vs Clive Vs Alice
• And the real Matt triumph

Matt’s had a break-in

Now that’s a surprise (!).

Matt gets a call from the site foreman to tell him all the metal has been stolen.

Lilian is straight on the button

[Lilian] “Hold on. This is Clive, isn’t it? Did you gave him another job … you did, didn’t you. I knew it!”

But Matt basically tells her to shush as he heads out to sort it.


Clive’s had a break-in

Someone’s broken into Clive’s rented lock-up and has stolen the stuff that he stole.

Oh, the irony.

Bernie is not happy. He has buyers lined up, and reckons Clive has made him look a fool.

Clive reckons they’ll catch up with the thieves when they try and move it on. But Bernie doesn’t sound so sure. And when he checks round, no-one has heard anything.

Then Matt calls him to check that he stole the metal fine, and to check when he’s getting his money.

Well, couldn’t have happened to a nicer bloke.


What an odd accent that Policewoman had

Scottish crossed with Yorkshire.



An impoverished post-grad

Is what Alice is.

She’s even struggling to buy herself a decent lunch.

[Lilian] “Oh darling, I hardly think a jacket potato is going to make a difference … you need to care of yourself though”

Just as Clive is about to do a bunk

He reckons he has mates in London he can stay with.

But, just as he’s about to grab a bag, Matt catches up with him.

He doesn’t believe Clive that the metal has been stolen.

Or, does he?


He’s a good chap, sometimes

As Clive is trying to wriggle out of Matt not believing the metal has been stolen, he claims that he’s never ripped Matt off before.

Matt doesn’t agree.

He mentions the second hand bathroom Clive passed off as new (and though had got away with).

Matt tells Clive he’s going to show the video to the Police. Clive tells Matt that he’ll bring him down with him.

So it comes down to who the Police will believe.

[Clive] “Why shouldn’t they (believe me)? You’re no better than me. You’ve done time an all”

[Matt] “Yeah but I’m not a cheap common thug am I. Or on parole.”

Clive panics. He tells Matt he’ll double – triple - the money if the Police aren’t involved.

[Clive] “Just don’t dob me in. You know what it’s like inside. I’ve spent half me life locked away. I can’t do another stretch. I’ll do whatever you want.”

[Matt] “Alright, I’ll make you a deal, I won’t grass you up just as long as you don’t get anywhere near Ambridge ever again … how’s that Clive? Do we have a deal?”

Ah-ha!

How we could ever have doubted Matt.

He had a plan all along to get rid of Clive.

Marvellous.


Amy’s great-aunty died last week

That’s a shame.

It means her gran (the feisty Mabel Thompson) is the last of the sisters alive.


Amy thought Daniel was … you know … 

Alice was telling Amy about Daniel’s girlfriend (Well, she’s not really. She likes Alistair. And, well, Alistair seems to like her. All very complicated).

[Amy] “Girlfriend? Really? I always thought he might be …”

What?

Might be what?

Guess we’ll never know what Amy was about to say. That bloomin’ Clive interrupted.


Amy Vs Clive Vs Alice

Another odd thing.

Clive stumbles into the pub that Alice and Amy are in. He seems already half cut, then spots Alice (as she was trying to hide from him).

[Clive] “Don’t walk away! Stuck up cow!”

[Amy] “Hey … be quiet please. Do you understand she doesn’t want to talk to you”

And it sounded like Amy pushed him over.

[Clive] “Crazy mare”

The odd bit was that Alice seemed annoyed at Amy. Though Amy was insistent that you have to:

[Amy] “tell folks like that where to do”

Was Alice just scared of what Clive will do now that they have offended him?


And the real Matt triumph

Was that he and Bernie stole the metal from Clive. Bernie sold it. And Matt’s share is £1,100. Plus the insurance money. And, of course, Clive now has to stay away from Ambridge.

[Matt] “I dealt with Clive in my own way pussycat …I promise., Clive Horrobin is out of our lives for good”

From the purring Lilian was making, it would seem Matt’s pretty perfect day didn’t just end there ... nudge nudge ...

The Archers Wednesday 23rd November: Jim leaves Christine …

• … but he’ll be back for supper
• Would you call your child Richard Richards?
• Jim to sing for their suppers?
• Just when Susan wishes she could get rid of her siblings …

… but he’ll be back for supper

As Jim helps Christine with the crossword, they both also sound a bit sad. They’re realising that their “arrangement” can now finish.

[Jim] “All good things must come to an end”

[Christine] “It’s been a real pleasure having you to stay. Not to mean, well, feeling safe”

[Jim] “But now that the egregious Mr Horrobin has departed …”

Clive hasn’t been seen in Ambridge for over a week. So, technically, Jim doesn’t need to stay to keep Christine sane and safe anymore.

Christine is still jumpy (she gets a real fright when the doorbell goes), so Jim reassures that he:

[Jim] “isn’t going to shift until she feels safe in her own home”

Christine later goes round to ask Susan if Clive has gone for good. Susan reckons so, as Clive was only given permission to be in Ambridge to see his mum. As Ivy has now departed, Clive has to stay away.

So, Jim leaves Christine.

But, they swap house keys.

And Jim will be back for supper.

I suppose they can continue to enjoy each other’s company while they live in different house, but wouldn’t it be nicer if they just made it official?


Would you call your child Richard Richards?

Pat’s asking Susan if she knows what Sharon’s married name is. She was Richard before, as Kylie still is, but Pat is obviously trying to work our Rich’s surname.

[Pat] “Would you call your child Richard Richards?”

[Susan] “It’s not unheard of. Neil used to sell pigs to an Evan Evans. Then there’s David Davis. Maybe it’s a Welsh thing. Although Sharon’s not Welsh is she, so maybe, I don’t know, although Eamon, that could be a Welsh name, or Irish …”

Blimey. That was quite a verbal ramble from Susan!

And if it is a Welsh thing, wouldn’t Pat be best placed to know? Or, did she forget about her nationality along with her accent?!?

Anyhoo – Pat asks Susan to ask Kylie, but Susan says ‘no’ as she’d feel too awkward. Neil must have got through to her.

Pat apologises for asking, and tells Susan to forget it.

Somehow don’t think neither Pat or Susan will forget this until they know for sure one way or another.


Jim to sing for their suppers?

[Jim] “Did you want something Lynda, or are you just being nosy?”

[Lynda] “Nosy? Me?”

[Jim] “I hear there’s a change of plan., My little recitation is to be delivered to an audience of diners as they pick their teeth and eructate between courses”

[Lynda] “I’m sure they’ll appreciate your performance all the more for being well fed Jim … I was just wondering, is there any change you could sing rather than recite?”

[Jim] “Sing? Me! In Latin? … would you like me to accompany myself on the lyre?”

Oh Jim, you are naughty. You got Lynda’s hopes up with that one.

(Seems Jim can’t actually play the lyre)

[Jim] “No Lynda, with me it’s recitation or nothing”

Just when Susan wishes she could get rid of her siblings …

… one of them comes crashing into her life.

[Susan to Neil] “You don’t know how lucky you are not to have brother or sisters. I wish I could wash my hands of the lot of them!”

Then the door goes.

It’s Tracey.

She’s left Den.

[Tracey] “The kids are in the car and we’ve got nowhere else to go. Can we come in!”

(that last bit was a demand rather than a question)

Susan really doesn’t have any luck at the moment.

The Archers Tuesday 22nd November 2011: Helen reckons it’s not all doom and gloom

(see …she still really has changed)

• Helen will be going back to work
• Jennifer’s off to the Maldives
• The shop and cheese are doing fine
• Helen – pretty in pink
• Thomas Hardy nuptials?
• “You can’t wear tweeds in the Maldives”
• Will said no to James
• Helen’s worried about Pat

Helen will be going back to work

In the New Year. She’s going to baby-share with another mum.


Jennifer’s off to the Maldives

Check her!

One assumes Brian is also going. One would also assume Tony won’t be amused – not enough money to help her brother, but enough to go whooping it up abroad.

Still, he might get some pleasure out of Jennifer struggling to find swimwear when the “shops are full of woollies”.


The shop and cheese are doing fine

Both of which are Helen’s side of the business (you hear that, Tom?).

Helen does find it laughable that folks will buy their unpasteurised cheese, but not their yoghurt.
But at least:

[Helen] “The concept of a farm shop in the middle of town hasn’t entirely lost its appeal, so it’s not all doom and gloom”

And it’s called Ambridge Organics. (Organics! Hear that Tom and Brenda’s brand expert mate).


Helen – pretty in pink

Or she will be if she can find the right dress as Nic’s bridesmaid.

[Nic] “A bit more Pippa Middleton. Only pink”

Lovely. (!)


Thomas Hardy nuptials?

Jennifer’s telling Brian that she doesn’t give Leonie and James six months together.

Seems she’s also not impressed by James’ offer to Will to take his and Nic’s wedding pictures.

In exchange for them being in the book, of course.

[Brian] “But James and Leonie think it’s going to be some rustic Thomas Hardy nuptials with wild flowers and country dancing … I can imagine those two importing a few hay bales and shepherds crooks to make it conform to their vision”

Thomas Hardy nuptials?

When did Brian ever ready a Thomas Hardy? I’d have thought Chris Ryan would have been more his style.


“You can’t wear tweeds in the Maldives”

Brian is horrified that Jennifer wants him to go shopping with her for their holidays.

(ah – so Brian does get to go).

[Jennifer] “You can’t wear tweeds in the Maldives”

Quite right.

But despite claiming he’s too busy with The Mart opening next week, and having to come up with a new plan for Super Dairy because of Adam being “transient”, it’s inevitable that Brian will have to bow down to Jennifer’s demands.

Shopping is one argument Jennifer will always win.


Will said no to James

Brave chap.

But Clarrie is very thankful indeed. If Will hasn’t said no, I think she’d have butted in and done it for him.

[Clarrie] “He (James) were a right pain bonfire night. He weren’t satisfied just to photograph what happened, on no, he had to organise everybody, you know, arrange them artistically. Tell them how to hold their sparklers”

Seems he had Tilly Button (Molly’s sister) in tears. He made her hold a baked potato until it burnt her fingers, and then she dropped it, so couldn’t even finally eat it.

(one assumes he was making her hold it to get the right shot, rather than trying to be sadistic).

[Will] “Vicky told him to stick his camera where the sun don’t shine”

James had been disappointed that Will was just wearing a suit to his wedding. He thought he should be wearing something more traditional. Which Clarrie and Will reckons would have meant a leather jerkin, gun, with his dogs to his heel.

[Clarrie] “Honestly he thinks we’re a bunch of yokels dancing round the maypole with bits of straw stuck in our hair”

[Will] “Well I think he’s a prat”

I think james and Leonie are going to struggle to get their book finished …


Helen’s worried about Pat

[Helen] “You tell her stuff but just nods and says ‘yes dear’ “

[Tony] “She’s tired. That’s all it is. She’ll get over it. Don’t worry love. She’ll be fine”

Tony obviously doesn’t want to tell Helen that Pat’s absent while she obsesses over whether John had a son.

That’ll be best talked through at the Christmas dinner table …

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 22nd November 2011: Erin declares for Alistair

• What’s Erin playing at?
• Actually, what’s Alistair playing at?
• Clive. Signing ‘Bad to the Bone’. Badly
• A poisoned budgie
• A film or dogs eating curry?
• Clive on the rob

What’s Erin playing at?

Daniel reckons she’s been avoiding him since they snogged last week.

Which sounds true enough, as they haven’t seen each other. But:

[Erin] “Come on Dan, don’t start freaking out on me now”

But he calms down when Erin says that she “can’t wait” to come over his tomorrow.

Which is a same on Daniel. As it sounds like Erin is more excited about shadowing Alistair than spending time with his son …


Actually, what’s Alistair playing at?

… as we know is the case when Alistair gets a text from Erin.

[Erin text] “Are we still on for tomorrow? Can’t wait to see you”

Alistair – to himself - Don’t flatter yourself Alistair. She can’t like you like that

This is getting quite bizarre.

Alistair then asks Daniel if Erin has been asking about her visits to them.

How creepy.

Alistair then decides that he’ll text something formal.

[Alistair text] “That’ll be fine”

This really makes for uncomfortable eavesdropping.


Clive. Signing ‘Bad to the Bone’. Badly

That’s all I have to say on that.


A poisoned budgie

[Erin] “It was funny. It wasn’t her budgie who needed treatment!”

Seems Erin and Alistair went on a home visit to a woman who has poisoned her budgie with chocolate chip cookies.

That’s not funny.

They should have removed that budgie without any further questions.

Poor budgie.


A film or dogs eating curry?

Erin chose to stay and talk to Alistair about a dog eating curry, rather than take Daniel up on his offer to watch a film in his room.

Alistair spots there’s a bit of tension, so leaves them to it (grudgingly so, I’m sure).

But Erin then makes to leave. She reckons she has stuff to do.

[Daniel] “No. I get it. It doesn’t matter. So will you be coming over gain. I mean to shadow my dad”

(oh how close to the truth was Daniel! This is not going to be a good thing for anyone).

Before Erin does leave, she snogs Daniel.

But later texts Alistair:

[Erin text] “Had a fab time with you today. Can’t stop thinking about when I can come over again. I’m free next Thursday. Text me back xx “

Alistair – to himself – oh no

Hmmm.

I don’t think Alistair was too displeased about Erin’s text. He’d just finished talking to Daniel about how mature Erin was …

… course, this could all just be a mistake. Maybe Erin has just mistaken Alistair’s number for Daniel’s?

Probably not …


Clive on the rob

Clive has ‘stolen’ all of the metal from Matt’s house development.

He gets away without being spotted or chased, and once gets to the lock up calls Bernie.

All going to plan?

The Archers Monday 21st November 2011: Eddie and Clarrie’s 30th anniversary

• Eddie actually appreciates Clarrie
• Susan’s siblings let her down. Again
• A typical Susan gaff
• Pat upsets Susan
• The Milk Processing company upsets Ruth

Eddie actually appreciates Clarrie

[Eddie] “You’d have never got through the last 30 years without a bucket full of patience!”

Clarrie and Eddie had agreed not to get each other presents. Eddie went ahead anyway, so Clarrie feels a bit sheepish that she hasn’t.

[Eddie] “You’re still here. That’s the only present I need”

Aw. Bless him.

Eddie gives Clarrie her “real” pearls that he got as a bargain.

[Eddie] “You can tell real pearls by rubbing them on your teeth”

[Clarrie] “Real pearls. They must have cost a fortune … this wasn’t some dodgy deal …”

[Eddie] “Ebay”

[Clarrie] “Never!”

[Eddie] “Lovely pearls for a lovely woman”

When they later on get to The Bull, they’re surprised by all their nearest and dearest already there, ready to party.

Actually, seems Joe’s been celebrating since lunchtime. Mike and Vicky have to sit either side, holding him up.

But not to worry. Clarrie is over the moon, especially as they put on Clarrie’s Song when she and Eddie walked in.

[Clarrie] “I can’t believe this. All these lovely people”

Susan’s siblings let her down. Again

Seems Keith and Stuart also did make her family meeting. Sot it was just her on her own. Again.
But. Susan says she’s determined that she won’t have all the responsibility of their dad (and Gary).

That’s fighting talk, that is.


A typical Susan gaff

Susan’s talking to Pat.

[Susan] “You’re not coming down the bull tonight? … but the boys have uninvited all their … friends”

Oops.

When Susan got to the word “friends”, she realised that Tony and Pat probably hadn’t been invited in the first place ….


Pat upsets Susan

[Pat to Susan] “I think there’s a distinct possibility that he might … that John might be his father”

[Susan] “No no no. Eamon is his dad, Sharon’s husband …”

But Susan does admit that she had just assumed that Eamon was Rich’s dad.

However, Susan doesn’t want to be involved. She doesn’t want to upset anyone, especially considering Kylie said that Eamon has been a father to them both.

Later on, Susan slightly changes her tune. She tells Neil what Pat had said (swearing him to secrecy) and also starts speculating.

[Susan] “The fact is Neil, it could very well be true, if you work out the dates”

Susan now wants to call Kylie to find out when Sharon and Eamon got together.

But Neil tells her not to call. He reckons Kylie is bright and will work it out.

Oh dear. Thus isn’t going to be an easy one to work out without someone somewhere getting upset.


The Milk Processing company upsets Ruth

It’s a ‘no;’ to Brookfield from the Milk processing company. They say they can’t take on any more suppliers - which irritates David as they must have known that before they asked Brookfield to pitch.

But, at least they’re ‘on file’.

[Ruth] “ I just spent a couple of days in foolish optimism”

Uh-oh. We don’t need a depressed Ruth considering the forthcoming ‘David killed Nigel’ anniversary …

But Eddie tries to cheer them. He reckons they’re better off without supermarkets.

[Eddie] “Too many farmers talking the supermarket shilling then being cut off at the knees”

After all. Look at what happened to Tom.

The Archers Sunday 20th November 2011: Stir-up Sunday

(with the Grundys rather than the Archers)

• You can’t even use the kids as an excuse
• It’s Eddie and Clarrie’s 30th tomorrow
• Stir-Up Sunday with the Grundys
• Tony thinks Pat is mad

You can’t even use the kids as an excuse

Lynda really has thought of a way to kibosh every possible excuse anyone could give for not going to Christmas around the World.

Will was caught out.

[Will] “There didn’t seem to be much in it for the kids”

[Lynda] “I know, which is why … I recognised rather later in the day that my original concept was somewhat lacking in appeal so I’ve had a radical rethink, and I think you’ll find this version infinitely to your … taste … quite literal.ly, because it’s going to be a feast … of food …interspersed with morsels of entertainment”

Will seemed to perk up at the sound of food. Especially as it’s the lovely Ian who will be cooking it.

Later, Lynda corners Pat and Tony to ask them for cheese (at cost, not free).

But – December 28th might clash with Will’s stag night.

Aw. That would be a shame.


It’s Eddie and Clarrie’s 30th tomorrow

And they’re off round The Bull.

But – they don’t know that Nic and Will have plans for them …


Stir-Up Sunday with the Grundys

Stir-up Sunday has generally been an Archer thing.

But I suppose we’re being tuned into eavesdrop on the Grundys as the Archer’s is now about our last memory of Phil.

So, we get to hear Clarrie, Nic, Mia, Jake and George (to a background of Jingle Bell Rocks).

But it’s all new to Nic.

[Nic] “Didn’t you say it was something to do with the church?”

[Jake] “Do they have Christmas pudding in the bible?”

[Clarrie] “No darling, it’s just the collect for this Sunday, ‘Stir up, we beseech thee, O Lord, the wills of thy faithful people’ … then some children go hold of it, so Jill told me … ‘stir up, we beseech thee, the pudding in the pot, and when we get home we’ll eat the lot’ ”

This then started the kids on Shepherds washing their sock by night …

[Mia] “why didn’t their mummy put them in the washing machine?”

Tony thinks Pat is mad

Pat is still being distant with Tony.

He thinks it’s about the rebranding. Pat is just about to tell him, but Lynda interrupts while on her Christmas around the World mission to get local produce.

Later on:

[Pat] “It’s something Susan said … you know Kylie came to Ivy’s funeral … she stayed with Susan … she told me Kylie has a brother, Sharon’s son, and he's 13, which means he was born in 1998”

[Tony] “So?”

[Pat] “Oh Tony! Think about it. What if … I think he might be John’s son”

[Tony] “What? John’s Son? No, that’s impossible … surely this boy is her husband’s child”

[Pat] “Look at the dates”

[Tony] “This madness. Please Pat”

As Pat explains, Hayley spilt up with John just before Christmas 1997, because she caught John and Sharon In flagrante delicto.

Tony maintains that it can’t be so. Sharon was at John’s funeral in March, and she didn’t look  pregnant. He reckons Sharon would have said something.

[Pat] “We didn’t exactly open her with open arms. It’s perfectly possible”

[Tony] “Many things are possible but it’s highly unlikely. I really don't think you should pursue it any further. It’s bound to end in disappointment.”

[Pat] “John could have a son!”

[Tony] “I just don’t think you should revisit all that. John’s death. Well, what it did to you”

[Pat] “This isn't about John’s death.”

[Tony] “It’s about John, isn’t it, you so want it to be true. Oh Pat, for your own piece of mind, let it go”

Difficult one.

Pat is basing a lot on nothing – and Tony is quite right that this could drag her back into being depressed.

But, if there’s even a slight chance, surely they should at least ask?

Or, should they keep quiet, considering Sharon hasn’t thought to tell them anything herself?

The Archers Friday 18th November 2011: Pat does sums with Kathy

• David says no to Brian
• Lynda’s busy changing her plans
• Brian’s worried about public opinion
• Borchester already has its Christmas lights up
• Pat reveals her theory about John’s son
• Bert came 5th at Lakey Hill
• Ruth’s making pizza
• Brookfield gets a foot in the door

David says no to Brian

David’s on his way out to tell Brian that Brookfield won’t be supplying crop for the Super Dairy.

[Ruth] “What, that we’re not going to grow crops for his cynical, disgusting, immoral, intensive dairy unit!”

[David] “Well, I’ll probably out it a bit more tactful than that”

[Ruth] “He won’t respect you for it”

When David tells Brian, he does go gentle. He tells Brian that they don’t want to be tied to a long term contract, as well as their commitment to their way of dairy farming.

It was probably better David told Brian rather than Ruth – especially as he is NFU president.


Brian’s worried about public opinion

Brian always has his eye on PR – though it’s more out of ensuring profitability than giving a damn about what people think of him.

[Brian] “Our main is the strength of any local opposition. There’s so much hysterical nonsense being peddled in the media these day … bionic farms, Frankenstein cows you know the sort of thing”

David reckons there are also “reasoned arguments” against Super Dairies, but Brian isn’t interested in those debates. He asks David to sound out opinion of NFU members.

[David] “I think you’re right. You could end up with a fight on your hands”

I’ve said it before – but wait until Lynda hears about this one! Fury and posters, methinks.

Lynda’s busy changing her plans

Well, her “masterplan”, in Lynda’s own words.

She’s working out the food for Christmas around the World – which is set to take play on 28th December.

Four courses (starter, main, pudding and cheese), which will be serves as bite sized portions between the stage entertainment. When nothing is happening on the stage, they’ll play CDs of carols from around the world.

Lynda has roped Kathy in to help make the food (they’ll pre-done a lot of it and freeze it), and is also trying to track down Freda.

Lynda will be kept extra busy with having to change all the advertising and publicity for the show.
Here’s hoping it all shifts a few more tickets.


Borchester already has its Christmas lights up

Seems Nic and Will’s kids were off to see them.

And Ambridge’s will also be up soon.

*sigh*

Far too early, in my humble opinion.


Pat reveals her theory about John’s son

Or, who she thinks is John’s son.

She’s round to see Kathy. Seems she can’t cope just mulling it all round in her own head.

[Pat] “You’ll think this is totally crazy. It started because I went to Ivy Horrobin’s funeral. You know Sharon’s daughter, Sharon Richards … well, you know she came down for the funeral … well, apparently she’s got a younger brother …

“the boy’s called Rich, he's a teenager … this is the crazy bit … do you remember in 1997, a few months before John does, Sharon came back to the village, she didn’t waste any time of course, she and John had a fling”

[Kathy] “Yes, while he was supposed to be going out with Hayley”

[Pat] “Well, according to Susan, Rich is 13 now, and Sharon moved away again after Christmas that year, so if you do the sums … I don’t know, but according to the dates, it’s just possible this boy could be John’s son”

[Kathy] “Oh Pat, but why … the boy must be Eamonn’s. You’re no reason at all to think he might be John’s”

[Pat] “Yeah, I suppose you’re right, and as said it’s all pretty mad”

[Kathy] “It is a crazy idea. It’s so unlikely. The best thing you can do is forget all about it”

[Pat] “Yes. You’re right. I must”

So Kathy gives Pat more wine, and tells her about how Jamie has just done his maths resit and is working really hard again at his school work. That’s why he’s been so quiet.

But Pat isn’t listening. Nor is she interested in Kathy having seen a “perky” Harry back in the village, after his visit to Poland to see Zofia.

[Kathy] “You can’t let it go, can you? … so let’s go through it again. Calmly and rationally”

[Pat] “The dates do work out Kathy,. That’s the trouble”

[Kathy] “So let’s say, for the sake of argument, in their there’s a chance it could be John’s … but far far more likely to be Eamonn’s … so why even think about it. It’s not going to lead anywhere. Only to place you don’t want to go”

[Pat] “You’re absolutely right. It’s a ridiculous idea … on someone who prides themselves on being clear headed and logical, it’s all rather sad and pathetic isn’t it .. thanks Lathy, I do feel much clearer about it now”

How many of us think that will be the last we’ll be hearing of Pat’s theory?


Bert came 5th at Lakey Hill

Seems something went wrong with his tractor.

Poor Bert.


Ruth’s making pizza

Again.


Brookfield gets a foot in the door

Ruth has finally made progress in Brookfield trying to secure a direct contract for their milk.

A Dairy processor has asked them to pitch.

[Ruth] “We’ve got a fantastic product. How can they possibly turn us down?”

I wonder. If they don’t get a milk contract soon, will Brian’s offer for Brookfield to supply the Super Dairy will become more attractive … actually, could become a necessity.