Wednesday 23 June 2010

22nd June 2010

Tom’s pigs get out … Jazzer is ‘that sort’ of Scot when it comes to the English football team … Kate’s one step closer to returning … Tom and Brenda are arguing (yet again)

  • Yet more classic Jazzer moments
  • An aside about Scots and the English football team
  • So it was Matt that split Tom and Brenda up last time


Yet more classic Jazzer moments

(on the sows escaping)
“[they could have been] sipping Pina Coladas on a beech somewhere”

“[they’ll have] false passports waiting in Penny Hassett"

(on football and Harry)
“I don’t know what bothers me most … wee English flags all over the place, or young Harry bouncing about like tiger … grinning like a bampot all the time… hand him a tambourine and he’d pass for Saly Army”
“It almost makes me want to paint my face blue and grab my sword”

(on Vicky)

“Don’t take too much notice of that one. Or you’ll be farming free range teddy bears next”

(on Brenda needing to urgently talk with Tom, which Jazzer reckoned must mean she’s pregnant)
“I don’t know what you’d be staring at Tom and looking so happy otherwise”


An aside about Scots and the English football team

I know Jazzer is a stereotypical Scot.

Dour, sarcastic, pessimistic and focused on booze (lots of it) and money (not to send it).

But, I really can’t abide that he’s also one of ‘those’ Scots who automatically hate the English football team.

There’s a lot of them about, so you’d be forgiven for thinking they’re more prevalent than they actually are – but some of us don’t use football as an excuse to be bigoted.

Jazzer didn’t take it too far, thankfully. But can I apologise on behalf of all my fellow Scots who are currently wearing the football strips of any and every team playing against England in the World Cup. The vast majority of them aren’t into football, and they must be pitied for having to carry such a huge chip on their shoulder.


So it was Matt that split Tom and Brenda up last time


Erm. No. You got that wrong Tom.

Wasn’t it you who split up with Brenda because she’d tried to help you out, yet you wouldn’t listen to the reasons?

Yes – Matt did have Brenda over a barrel, but it was you who decided to take the high moral ground and chuck Brenda when all she’d really done was use a bad situation for your benefit.

Mind you, I hate to say this, but Tom’s right about Matt promising the moon.

This isn’t going to be pretty …

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